


Falling

by APRiordan13



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff and Smut, learning experiences
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-09-07 06:13:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 21
Words: 266,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20304775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/APRiordan13/pseuds/APRiordan13
Summary: Athena finds herself in the world she has read/played/dreamed of only to be faced with several factors that set back any previous thought of how things should go. She knew their future, knew what would have to happen and when, but there was one major catch. Only one understands the words coming from her, and that one, is also the man she'd been obsessed with for years. How to hide that and reveal only what was needed when it was needed became her task known, as she swore to herself that 'certain events' would not come to be.





	1. Dream?

**Author's Note:**

> This story contains massive spoilers for the game. Please note, that if you are reading, I take no responsibility for ruining game plot you haven't gotten to yet.  
Also, I use multiple songs within the story. I do not claim ownership to these songs. All copyrights belong to the original authors. (I'm just a huge fan :P)

Chapter 1: Dream?

Falling, that was the first thing I noticed. I was falling and crashed into the coldest powdered snow I'd ever felt. I stood up and realized as I started to dust myself off that the reason the snow felt so cold was because somehow I was falling with not a stitch more on my freezing body then I'd been born with. But my body looked different as well. Firstly, I've been a horseback rider for many years and these legs didn't look anything like the stocky muscled legs I was used to looking at. That coupled with scrawny arms. _What the hell? I was tossing bales of hay not hours before this. No way these tiny things could lift, let alone toss 34 kilos of hay._ I shivered then and instinct won out. Forget how I got into this body, if I didn't find a way to shield it from that frigid wind shortly, I wouldn't have to worry about it much longer. _Weird ass fucking dream. I've never frozen to death in a dream before, but I don't care to start the habit now._ I looked up and saw a series of strange looking bushes but the hand-sized leaves hung from the stalk by long stems to the side. _That'll work._

I walked over to the bushes and began picking the leaves off as close to the stalk as I could. When I had about forty, I began weaving the stems together. My thin fingers were already nearly numb so the process took longer than I would have cared for, but the wind seemed to be increasing and I no longer had time as a luxury. My teeth had just started chattering despite my best efforts to still my body against all my shivers. First time in a dream where I couldn’t wish a fireplace and a warm drink nearby and have them manifest.

As I finished my weaving I held it up. _Not my best work, but it should help_. I laid the layer over my right shoulder and tucked it as close to me as I could. _An airy leaf shirt. Great_, I thought sarcastically. _Well, might as well not waste it_, I thought as I pulled at the primary stalk from the ground and shook the dirt from it. I then used that piece to seal the shirt loosely around my left side. _Well, half shirt_. I looked around quickly, searching for another of these bushes and saw a cluster of a few together. Moving stiffly then, I walked over to them and began the process again. This time I never got to finish. As I was stripping the second bush, having secured a half shirt for my left side, I heard a different sound against the now prevalent wind. I looked up to see four men dressed in the most awkward looking gear I've ever seen walking towards me. _Shit!_ I was up then and moving. I had no idea where I was running to but I was running, against stiffening limbs and the freezing breeze beating at me.

It wasn't another moment before I realized I'd chosen direction poorly as I came to a stop as the mountain rose abruptly before me out of the snow covered fields. I turned and the men, as expected, had pursued. _Well, guess it can't be helped_, I thought as I dropped down into a stance that would make my sensei proud. _Time to find out if these limbs are strong enough to manage_.

The one in front slowed and the others stopped. The leader, I assumed, stepped towards me another few feet and I locked gazes with him (as the others were now out of range and no longer an immediate threat). Tall, taller than even Master Sergeant/Sensei who usually towered over me, this giant stepped closer and I crouched then. Sensei might have growled over it but my instincts had always been more than mildly animalistic and the beast of a man seemed to at least get some of the hint as he stopped and cocked his head slightly to the side. A chiseled jawline and high cheek bones, gave him an almost regal look, but his masculine beauty was not enough to conceal his eyes; amber, and tinted with darkening bronzes that spoke tomes for a man that had seen haunting things. Nowhere near as innocent as the implied gesture.

He sheathed his sword, only then did I notice he had it drawn. A long handle and scabbard indicating at least longsword in length. My gaze went swiftly back to his face as he accessed me. I shivered again and cursed silently. Just what I needed, showing weaknesses. N_ow?_ He spoke then, a cultured, commanding, baritone voice.

"Who are you?"

"Aethien," I responded swiftly. He took another step forward and my jaw set._ So much for pleasantries_.

He froze then. "You're obviously freezing. I can help, if you want it," he offered without moving again.

"Ye-ah, I'm sure you can," I sneered up at him.

"Do you speak the common tongue?" he asked then, a look of confusion over his face.

"I am speaking the common tongue, half-wit," I snarled.

He sighed and looked back over his shoulder. "Hugh, fetch Solas. Sounds something like his expertise and we'll need a translator," he ordered. The shortest of the men behind stood straight up and smacked his chest with a closed fist then left. The names began ringing through my head and my stomach pitched slightly within me.

_Impossible. _I tried to take a deep steadying breath but found my teeth were chattering too much to do much more than bring the blonde giant's attention back to me.

"I don't know," he began slowly as if I were the half-wit, "if you can understand me, but I'm going to give you my cloak," he stated as he slowly moved to unfasten the massive thing over both shoulders, "to warm yourself with at least until the other man arrives." He pulled the garment over into his hand and offered it out to me. "Do you understand?"

Instead of trying for speech again, I nodded, jerkily against the shivering muscles. He stepped closer and I shrank back slightly but tried not to be noticeable. If he reached in a way I disapproved of, I would need to be able to flip or turn him and somehow get by the remaining two men. He only stepped close enough to extend the cloak, just out of arms reach. Cautiously, I leaned in and snatched it up. Warm and weird, but warm. I slung it around me and burrowed into it. The break from the breeze was welcome, even if I had no way of placing what material this was. I had never held such a thing. Not quite cotton and not quite hide, but an obviously natural red hue, trimmed in a loose fur that almost looked like wolf fur but was softer and seemed to insulate the cloak.

"Thank you," I mumbled as I watched him retreat a step. Closer up I could see he hadn't shaved this morning as there was a near five-o'clock shadow across his entire face, save one area over the right side of his lip which was scared beyond the point of growing anything. Thankfully the wound looked to have been thin and straight so it didn’t damage his looks. It almost gave him a roguish look. _Yeah, just what you need. To deal with a rogue of any kind._

"So," he began awkwardly pulling me from my train of thought, "you speak, a form of Elvish?" he asked slowly.

I merely glared up at him. The moron actually thought I would deem to answer that stupid question. I was speaking plainly. I held that glare with him for a long tense silence.

"Are you afraid of me?" he finally asked.

_Well no duh, dumbass._ My jaw tightened, my nostrils flared, and I felt my top lip curl back slightly. The shivering was slowing but the spasming of my jaw muscles and twitching of my top lip likely made me appear more wolf-like than human.

"Must you antagonize every elf you find, Commander?" another voice asked and my gaze snapped to the newcomer. Barely a finger’s breathe shorter than the giant before me, the newcomer was otherwise quite different. Long slanted ears pointed to behind a pristinely bald head. Hazel, almost blue-green, wider eyes glared up at the giant. The fine bone of his face made him seem almost ethereal but vaguely, familiar?

_Wait, what? Elf? What Elf? He's the only..._

"I was not antagonizing her. We found her half frozen out here and tried to communicate, but she seems not to know a word of the common language," the giant replied defensively.

"I know what you're saying, you half-wit barbarian. It's _you_ that doesn't understand me," I snarled.

The newcomers gaze shot to me as I spoke and I felt mildly uncomfortable as he sized me up. "Most interesting," he began and turned completely to face me. The gesture was not wasted, as I stood to my full height and squared my gaze with him, lifting my chin and pulling my shoulders back. He smiled cockily. "It's been a long time since I've heard the Ancient Elven dialect," he spoke noticeably in 'their common tongue'. The giant stepped back and laid his right hand back on the sword hilt, turning his full gaze back to me, but I had no more time for him. This elf before me had the full of my attention now.

"I'm not speaking any different than I always have," I informed him proudly. "It’s hardly my fault you think I'm some ancient elf."

The elf, this Solas, they’d called him in this dream, raised a brow. "You do not believe yourself to be Elven?"

_Might as well get it out there_. "I don't know what I am, at this moment in time, nor where I am or for that matter even when." The other brow raised in earnest question. "I woke, falling down that freezing cold hill in naught. I was making leaf clothing for myself," I stated, opening the cloak enough to show the shoulders of the garment, "when _that_ showed up, so I ran. I don't know what he is, or wants, and I sure as my life's blood is blue, didn't care to find out, but," I paused and quirked an angry glare at the elf that seemed amused by all my suffering, "here we are."

"Indeed," Solas said on a laugh and turned his attention to the Commander. "You might have mentioned that you found her naked, Commander," he commented. The Commander blushed and looked away. After a moment, the giant coughed, though the blush remained and he seemed incapable of looking at me.

"Can you translate, Solas? Do you know who she is?"

"Aethien, I told you," I snapped. "What is wrong with your hearing?"

Solas grinned at me. "You understand the common tongue, but you respond in Elvish. There is nothing wrong with his hearing, merely his understanding," he answered.

"But," I began. No point in arguing. I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed. "This dream is just getting too weird," I mumbled.

"Dream?" The Elf quirked his head to the side as he asked the one-word question.

"Yes, dream," I growled. "I wake into my dream falling, naked, from the sky into a thick pile of freezing cold snow, only to find bushes I couldn't name if I lived a thousand years, because they don't exist on any part of my world, with leaves that seemed big enough to make some form of protection from the cold. Only followed by blonde giants and _elves_ no less, hounding me with questions that should be easy to answer only no one seems to understand the words coming out of my mouth, save you, and oh yeah, let's not forget this," I said grabbing the cloak from about my shoulders and tossing it back at the commander, "is made of materials that also don't exist, so please tell me how you think this could be anything but a figment of an over-exhausted, sleep-deprived mind?" The commander buried his head in his cloak as I released it to him, though the blush crept passed his ears. Solas, the elf, however merely held my gaze, his expression barely shifting to pity.

Silence stretched for a moment before he sighed and spoke. "This is no dream, da'len," he spoke softly, as if trying to brace me against the realization.

"Sure," I retorted obviously sarcastically.

"A dream," the commander mumbled.

"Yes," Solas responded without letting his gaze wonder past mine. "She believes she is in a dream. Her name is Aethien, and she's not too fond of having to repeat herself." He grinned lightly at me. "Did I get that all about right?"

I nodded. Something about the way he said everything and looked at me and spoke and ...something was very wrong. My stomach turned again as my heart tripled cadence. _No! No, it’s a dream. Has to be a dream. See, you even dream up the characters from your games and books. This is _your _dream._ "I don't believe you," I finally said, shaking my head slightly against the possibility though the action jostled the leaves about me and I felt the light scratching itch of the leaf veins on my skin. That shouldn’t be in a dream. When had I ever dreamed so detailed as to reach to leaf veins?

He looked sadly down at me. "I didn't think you would immediately. But can you tell me what reason I would have to lie to you?" he asked honestly.

A thousand images and thoughts crashed through my mind and I snarled at him. "What reason? I don't need a reason. Dreams don't often have reasons and-" I began my rant in full swing, but he ended it swiftly, politely.

"And dreams end. What would cause you to wake?" he asked kindly.

I tried then, desperately tried to find the seams, the places where dream and reality hit, where I could touch my waking mind and end this nightmare. I looked around everywhere, past the trees, past the people, at the people, and found... nothing. I started heaving in breathes quicker then as I more carefully looked this Solas over, head to foot. But he was everything like the game, if taller and well, they disguised his muscles well in the game, but those legs were attuned to years at war. Feet, wrapped, elegant and perfect as always. No staff. Maybe, that was a seam? But no, he didn't always carry his staff. _Fuck! What did he ask? He's looking at me, expecting an answer. Wake? What would help me wake up?_ "I-I'm not sure," I said briefly. "If I could find the seam, I could just jump dreams, but." I was hyperventilating now and I could feel it but I couldn't stop it. "Electricity, maybe, lightning," I looked up at him then. He was a mage. "Can you cast a lightning spell at me?" I asked hopefully, through the heaving breathes that were winning.

"I can but I think it would be better to do with a healer nearby," he stated uneasily.

"Then take me to Adan," I stated.

He cocked his head again. "You know him?" he asked.

"I know of him," I responded swiftly. "If this is a dream, and I'm not saying it’s not, then Adan should be nearby. Depending on the when of the dream would also effect the where, but...it has to be," I tried to sound convincing but came up short.

"We will take you to Adan then, and I will show you this is no dream," Solas stated calmly.

"What?!" The Commander asked as his gaze shot to Solas. "You're not going to poison her, are you?" he asked.

"Quite the opposite, Commander," Solas said measuredly. "Come," he ordered and turned.

I nodded and skirted around the commander to walk on the opposite side near Solas. Solas paused and stripped his tunic off. "At least cover yourself," he stated, extending the tunic. I blushed slightly at his kindness and accepted it. Again with the weird ass fabrics. Even this felt like some mix of cotton and silk and maybe even something else. I slid it over my head and it fell slightly past my knees. I felt like I was wearing the strangest set of pajamas in history. 

"Thank you," I mumbled. He stared at me a moment, sighed, and began walking then. I kept pace, a step and a half behind him. _Just think of him as a taller version of Sensei, and no matter what do not think of his as the Dread Wolf_. That was the last thing I needed to face in _this_ dream.

We walked through a set of wooden gates, then through a small grove of not-quite pine trees. Then we walked passed a hundred or so warriors training with sword and shield and spear, though many stopped to stare at us until the Commander started barking orders at them again. Finally we walked through the mabari-carving covered gates of Haven, and that was the extent of my familiarity, as the interior of Haven was so very different from the game. I stepped a little closer to Solas as we walked, taking in the different people, and stores, and houses, and merchant stalls, and gardens, and smells, oh gods, the smells. For all my efforts, my breathing began to escalate again. As we crested the final rock-made stair case up toward the hut of Haven's primary apothecary, I was gasping in shallow breathes, screaming in my mind that this couldn't be a dream but it had to be, oh Maker it had to be. Solas paused at the door to knock twice lightly.

"What is it?" growled from inside.

"We've another need of you, Master Adan," Solas stated loudly.

"Oh Maker! Is the bloody Herald injured again?" he shouted as the door opened and he caught his gaze first on Solas, then me, and ultimately the giant walking behind us.

Adan was different too, similar but different. Pot marked skin showed years of standing over boiling pots and dangerous grinding of materials in the mortar. Sweat-streaked dark brown hair, almost black, clung to him almost as heavy as the smell of chemicals coming off of him.

_No, no, no, no!_ I screamed at myself. _Not real! Can't be real. We'll prove it and then we can go back to sleep and dream something else_.

Solas spoke and it seemed to draw me from my mind a moment. "We will need elfroot salve and likely a bit of crystal grace for the burns."

Adan was shorter than the others but still taller than me and he cocked an eyebrow half way up his forehead, his expression more than incredulous. "You really want him to shoot you with lightning?" he asked.

I nodded. "I have to know," I said all at once. Solas' sad smile was back.

"She says that she has to know," Solas reiterated and I remembered then that the others can't understand me and my fear and frustration doubled.

"Can't you just stick her with something? Something easier to heal?" Adan asked.

"No," I spurted shaking my head. "I have been hurt in dreams before and stayed asleep through it."

Solas repeated my statement and Adan sighed, walked inside and returned a moment later with two containers, probably about a liter each. "Just don't go getting me with it," Adan growled the caution.

"I will be careful," Solas said, then turned to me. "Are you sure?"

I nodded. "Yes," I shivered once then not from the cold. "I have to know."

"You begin to doubt you are dreaming," Solas more said than asked, but I nodded again. "We don't have to do this," he advised gently. I shook my head.

"No, we do. I have to know. Either," I said as I let my eyes wander the area, taking in the different woods that the huts were made of briefly, the doors that seemed to have strangely painted lintels, the sacks that were definitely not burlap, before continuing. "I am asleep and this will wake me, no harm no foul, or," I took another breath and swallowed hard, "or I'm not sleeping, and things are about to get downright frightening."

"I will try not to frighten you after," Solas said as comfortingly as he could.

I nodded and seated myself in the snow, looking up at him, my feet tucked cold against my butt, both hands resting on my knees, pressed tight together before me as I straightened my spine and nodded up to him. "I am ready."

He sighed and took a step back, looking down on me with nothing short of pity. "Very well." He focused inward a moment and that was all it really took for my awareness to scream 'not a dream' as I felt the tight pull of everything around him draw into him like a translucent fiber being sucked down, but when he threw his hand out, that was the end of it. The single bolt shot through my veins and I convulsed against it. No amount of conditioning prepares you for that amount of power ripping at nerves and muscles. I couldn't say how long it took for the convulsions to stop, but Adan was rubbing a warming liquid over my face, holding me upright as I came to.

"Satisfied?" Adan asked angrily. In his question all of mine came crashing down. My reality, the thought of the dream shattered like a fine glass mirror and I hunched over. I could no more stop the tears from coming then than I could the heaving sobs as my world quite literally vanished around me.

"Not possible. It's not possible. Oh, please, make it not possible. Tell me this isn't happening, tell it’s not possible." The rambling coming from my own mouth would normally have been embarrassing, but at that moment, I truly could care less what anyone thought of me. My home, my life, my everything, just gone. No explanation, no thought. One minute, I'm in twenty-first century a.d. of Earth, in my tiny apartment, in my comfortable bed, reading fan fictions about _this_ place, and the next, _boom_. Welcome to the world you never wanted to actually be a part of but _here you go_. Warm hands turned me, and held me to a warm body for a while, but I could not break the tears, or the sobbing, I couldn't bear to look up. I cried as I began placing faces and people from my knowledge of the game I had loved to play; but there's a huge difference in playing a game that saves and can be reset if you don't like the outcome. Now I was living it. _Oh Gods, what have I fallen into. This can't be real. Please don't let it be real._

I cried until the warmth and darkness won out and consumed me. 


	2. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not a dream, or even a nightmare, this new truth must be managed, handled and dealt with as she faces the others through the man she dare not reveal all her truths too, even if he were the only to understand her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story contains massive spoilers for the game. Please note, that if you are reading, I take no responsibility for ruining game plot you haven't gotten to yet.  
Also, I use multiple songs within the story. I do not claim ownership to these songs. All copyrights belong to the original authors. (I'm just a huge fan :P)

Chapter 2: Truth

I woke later, hoping maybe I'd be home, but as I sat up, this wasn't home. "Good morning," came politely from the corner. I looked over to see this Solas sitting on a chair near the fire. He stood as he folded up a book and placed it behind him in the seat before he walked to me.

I squeezed my eyes shut tight. _Not a dream. Can't deny it anymore. No matter how much you may want to_. "Good morning," I replied though it sounded weaker than I even felt.

"How do you feel?" he asked after a long silence.

_How do you think I feel?_ I snapped in my mind. _No, no need to alienate him_, I cautioned myself. _If we're, no…No more if. We're here for the long haul and making an enemy of _this _man is unwise at best._ I took a steadying breathe and met the green-blue stare that was accessing everything. _Better to be honest._ "A little broken, but I'll mend," I responded as I tried to harden myself to it. _Nothing for it now. Get up, dust yourself off and move on. One more pitfall we have to conquer. That’s all. Again, get up._ He nodded.

"What do you remember?" he finally asked.

_Wouldn't you like to know? _"Referring to what, hahren?" I asked politely. If I was going to be stuck here, I might as well get used to the terminologies of the people.

He raised an eyebrow then spoke. "Your, arrival in Haven," he stated once he believed he'd found the right word.

_Oh, _that, I thought. I scoffed as I tossed aside the furs and threw my scrawny legs over the edge of the bed. "I woke falling. You saved me from the blonde giant of a human." I braced myself then as I stood and met his gaze completely. "And then you saved me from self-delusion. I owe you twice," I stated firmly. I would have no argument on it and I believe I inflected my voice to show it.

"Please do not feel beholden to me for either," he finally said. "I do not seek a slave."

"I would not be one," I stated. "I owe you twice, two things you did for me, so I will return the value as best I can," I stated and squared my shoulders. _Careful, Athena_. "I will give you what it is you seek more than anything, as you gave me freedom from my mind, and I will save you from a long search, as you have saved me from the shem." He raised an eyebrow at that and grinned.

"You speak highly of yourself to believe you know what I want," he stated.

"You seek the Orb of Fen'Harel," I stated and his expression shifted to anger quickly but I pressed on, "the Orb you, Fen'Harel, Solas, whatever, gave to a would-be God named Coreypheus, who lives, by the way." His expression was growing darker by the moment. "The knowledge I offer is this, your Orb is intact, but it will not remain so if your 'Herald' attempts to use it. It will shatter against the strength of the Mark on their palm. You need not search the mountain any longer. The Orb is not there. Coreypheus took it with him when he vanished after the Conclave was destroyed."

He paused, and I could practically see the wheels whirling behind the eyes that shifted from green-blue to almost vibrant sky-blue and back. Finally, he spoke, "I'd be interested in hearing how you learned what you believe you know."

"Don't," I said flatly and watched him look at me shocked a moment. "You didn't lie to me and I have no cause to lie to you, especially when I happen to agree with the end goal of ripping down the Veil and fighting the Evanuris on their own ground. It will need to be done," I stated boldly. His face fell then, as any thoughts that I was making things up ripped wide in his mind. "All my debts are paid," I stated and with a brief bow, turned to the door.

"Hold," he called briefly and I stopped.

"Yes, hahren?" I asked as distantly as I could, without turning. I could not see his gaze. I'd fallen in love with that character too many times to not know what to avoid, even if it was tearing at me not to. It seemed disrespectful, for one thing, and I truly had dedicated too many years to my feelings for the video game character. I dared not meet his eyes.

He was silent for a moment. "Where will you go?" he finally asked and I heard a thousand questions contained. I smiled and despite my better judgment, I turned to face him and his grey-green eyes that had always won.

"Your secrets are safe with me, hahren. I will tell no one, but I cannot stay here, and you shouldn't either," I added. "If the Herald has already been found and stated as such, then Haven doesn't have much more time." I had his full attention then. "I go to finish what I started, creating clothing for myself, then I will need to find a weapon, for the Unchanging World is also unforgiving to the ill prepared. When I have accomplished those two things, I will disappear. I have no desire to die for a fight that a day ago, by my knowledge, wasn't mine."

He nodded slowly then shook himself, like a dog shaking water from his fur. I couldn't help but smile. _Dread wolf, indeed. More like dread puppy._

"I can help with both," he stated quickly.

"You have already helped me and I have repaid that debt," I said shaking my head.

"You have given me far more than I you. Please," he added, "allow me at least to clothe you."

"If it will please you, hahren," I stated and turned full to face him. _Don’t say the name, no matter what you do, don’t say the name_. "But quickly, I have other places I will need to be," I said.

"Other places?" he asked as he turned to the chest at the foot of the bed and passed one hand over it. It popped and then he opened it.

"Ah, but now you fish, hahren," I stated with a smile and he grinned as he searched through the chest. "All I have is my knowledge. It would be ill-advised at best for me to share all the wealth I have with the first person to ask; even should he be the Dread Wolf incarnate."

He rose with several garments draped over his shoulder and smiled down at me. "I can offer much more than clothing in exchange," he began and hurried on. "Safety, shelter, weapons, knowledge of my own."

I frowned then and looked away. There were no others alive now that were oracle or the like. I would be a constant danger to anyone I was near for the next four or five years. "You will endanger yourself offering me shelter or safety." I shook my head and smiled sadly as I met his gaze again after a moment. "I must decline, for your sake, hahren. I have no doubt, the Dread Wolf and all his glory could quite easily protect me from many, but when the humans of this world learn that I know things that are due to happen for the next few years, they will search me out," I paused, squeezing my eyes shut as I forced myself to face it, "and they will _kill_ anyone to get that information." I fought against my own heart rate for a few moments before I felt the pressure under my chin and my eyes came open to meet a smiling gaze.

"There are places I can hide you where they cannot go," he stated boldly, "and your knowledge may be just as useful to me," he added with a wolf grin.

"I imagine it would, you and all your agents," I stated with a grin and again he raised an eyebrow. I closed my eyes and sighed, the smile fading away with it. I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed again after a moment. I was losing this battle. This was why, why I shouldn’t have turned, why I knew better than to face the man I’d dedicated years to. I had to leave, but Gods if it wasn’t near impossible for me to turn away from him. Particularly knowing what I knew. "Allow me time to think," I answered finally looking back up at him. He inclined his head slightly. "It is, a lot to consider," I added.

"I could force it from you," he stated with a grin that said he'd never try it, but it was worth mentioning.

"Could you also stop me from biting off my own tongue to keep the knowledge private?" I asked fiercely. His joke had fallen flat.

"I would not force you, da'len," he said on a sigh.

I turned to face the door again and get my thoughts together. He always did that, jumbling my thoughts with a glance. Dammit, this wasn’t the game. It may be like it, things might happen similarly but…But he did stand for the People. "I know that," I admitted finally. "I know that you fought against the slavery of your people. You would never force another to serve. It must be a choice. It is just a very consequence-heavy choice." I sighed again. Then I turned to face him and set my expression. "Let's get on with the clothing. I'm in need of fresh air."

He smiled and proffered the first garment. "This first, then the trousers. Tunic on top," he advised. I took the garment from him and reached to my side. "Would you like me to leave you to it?" he asked as I paused over unwrapping the stem from my right side.

I couldn't help it. "Do I make you uncomfortable, old wolf?" I teased on a grin. He squared gazes with me and straightened slightly.

"As you'd have it," he stated and held my gaze as I deftly undid the binding.

I got over being ashamed of my body years ago, so undressing in front of a man that was more than six millennia older than me hardly phased my mind. I loosed the left body cape and shook it to the floor, then the right, never breaking gaze. It wasn't very kind of me to do so. I knew he'd been without _any_ company for the last four or five thousand years. The temptation would be there. Not very nice at all.

He chewed on a couple phrases noticeably as the second fell and I lifted the shirt over my head. Relief clouded his gaze as the shirt settled and I reached for the trousers. "Thank you, for these," I stated as I slipped them on. As expected they were larger than needed but I took the same stems and tied them off to my right side. He smiled and shook his head as I accepted the tunic. "What?"

"You don't think twice about your gear, you just do. I _can _fasten you a proper belt," he stated grinning.

"You did not offer, and I did not ask. I am grateful for what I have received," I replied as I tugged the tunic over my head, taking full note that I would have to be cautious as the ears of the creature I now was were actually longer and _much_ more sensitive. He reached down into the chest then stood back up and reached toward me. I stepped back instinctively.

He raised an eyebrow then. I shook my head and stepped back to him. I knew better than to, but I needed to trust him. "You would stand naked before me, but flinch when I go to fix the clothing?" he asked as he reached under the tunic to pull the stem and drop it as he held the trousers to me. He strung the belt around me and secured it tight, holding the tunic to me and the trousers up in one move.

"I'm not ashamed of my body, but that doesn't mean I want it touched," I retorted. He grinned.

"Fair."

As I opened my mouth to ask about weaponry, a loud pounding came to the door. "Solas?" the accented female voice came through the door.

"That would be," he began.

"The Lady Cassandra Pentaghast," I finished and squared my shoulders. "Shall we?" He chuckled lightly and stepped to the door.

He opened it and greeted, "Good morning, Seeker."

"Is she awake?" the question came out as brusquely as expected. Instead of answering, Solas stepped aside so she could see me.

"Good morning, Lady Cassandra," I stated with a half-bow.

Solas grinned. "She wishes you good morning, Seeker, and refers to you by proper title."

"Did you _have_ to tell her about that?" Cassandra complained.

Solas spoke in Elvish then to me. "It would probably be best if they knew you were not here to hurt," he stated.

"Then let her know that you didn't tell me, that I already knew," I stated.

He nodded slightly to me and spoke. "I have informed her of nothing about you."

She looked at me then. "Another fan of the _Hero_ of Orlais?" she asked.

I smiled softly. "While what you did was in no small part heroic, it would have been impossible without the aid of Regalian."

Solas looked at me a moment. "I'm uncertain how to translate that for her," he told me. I smiled and focused solely on him then, slowly down my speech so it was easier to understand.

"I was impressed by her heroism that earned her the title. I am, however, aware that were it not for a very specific mage, by the name of Regalian, she would not have succeeded or even been alive to succeed."

"That's a part of the story I've never heard," Solas stated. "You'll have to regale me with the details later." Then he turned to Cassandra. "She states that she was impressed by your heroism in those events," Cassandra rolled her eyes, "but she stresses that she is aware that a mage, a Regalian, was responsible for large parts in that, to include your life it would seem." The scoffing attitude dissipated at the mention of Regalian and a cold glare followed.

"Does she?"

"Do not take offensive, Lady Cassandra. I meant none, and I am sorry for your loss."

"She asks that you not be offended. I'm certain you do not really wish to hear your title again, so we'll bypass that, but she says she meant you no offense. And," he paused to look at me, "she says she's sorry for your loss?"

Cassandra chewed her words a moment. "What loss does she refer to?" she asked haughtily.

I stepped forward then and timidly took her one gloved hand in both of mine to stare up into dark-honey eyes. "Regalian," I stated.

"For Regalian," Solas mimicked. Cassandra swallowed noticeably then.

I released her hand and stepped back beside Solas. "May we leave the house?" I asked.

"If you don't mind, Seeker, we were just headed to the armory for her. Would you, care to join us?" Solas offered politely.

"No," Cassandra said and then added, "and she won't be going either. Leliana will want to speak with her now that she's awake. There are, rumors about her arrival."

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. Today wasn't going much better than I'd figured it might. "Leliana does not speak High Elven," I stated. "She hardly speaks city-elf."

"She stresses that Leliana may not understand her," Solas stated.

Cassandra's gaze snapped back to mine. "So it’s true then?" she asked, and before I could answer pressed on. "You don't speak the common tongue." I rolled my eyes and sighed.

"I speak it just fine, you're understandings in question," I half-snarled. Solas coughed to hide his grin.

"She," he paused to compose himself, "says that her understandings of the common tongue are aplenty, even if they don't form on her tongue."

"Tactfully put," I said softly.

"Then I suppose you will need to accompany us as well," Cassandra stated after a moment.

"Seeker, I do have other things to do in a day than play translator," he stated.

"Oh? And what things are those?" Cassandra pressed and he shook his head.

After a moment, he sighed. "Very well, Seeker. We will do this your way," he agreed, though too obviously reluctantly.

_If the Seeker only had the slightest clue that that was all an act_, I thought as stepped behind him. He was an animal by nature, much the same as I; I knew he would understand the statement. Cassandra scoffed and marched out the door. Solas padded along silently behind her and me a step and a half behind him, taking the time to learn my new body and its abilities.

First things first, stealth, which seemed to come nearly naturally to the fine limbed creature I now was. It took very little focus to move almost as silently as Solas. I suppose it was working well, because a few times the Seeker actually stopped to look back at us, making sure we were still there.

Next, breathing; these lungs felt different and required slightly different movement to fill completely or exhale, but as I catalogued the differences I found that it seemed actually more efficient. Unlike my old body where getting a full breath down required opening your mouth and sucking hard, this one you could just slowly pull through the nose until your lungs could take no more. Like the feet, it seemed built for stealth. _I could get used to this_.

Strength would have to wait until I could get a true weapon in my hands, and agility would have to wait for open space. It occurred to me then that I might want to try my aptitudes in _other_ things, but definitely not in front of a Seeker of Truth. Finally we stood before a massive wooden-walled building, though significantly smaller than the game had portrayed it. There, in the double door way, stood the one person on Thedas I really didn't want to let a single thing slip to.

I stepped closer to Solas then, "Please do not let me slip to her."

Solas smiled and straightened slightly, superimposing his shadow over me. I nodded in thanks. _Some things between animalistic minds are just so much simpler_, I thought as I took in the mild difference in stance. I'd owe him for this one too.

Then we stopped and Cassandra stood aside. "You may be disappointed," Cassandra began, "but you wanted to see her. Here is she." She might as well have been offering Leliana an old peach.

_Come to think of it, do they even have peaches here?_

"So you are the other to fall from the sky?" Leliana asked. Piercing grey-blue eyes stared down at me, and I took a half step under Solas' shadow. Leliana raised an eyebrow. "Perhaps we were wrong to leave you to _his_ care," she stated and I bristled.

"Hahren has been nothing but kind since I arrived in _your_ gods-forsaken land," I snapped. Solas smiled gently.

"She bids you good morning, Spymaster, and implies that she has only received exemplary care this morning."

"Does she?" Leliana asked and a small part of me wondered if she did speak high elven.

"Indeed, though the Seeker did detain us for you to speak with her. If you would like, I could leave you to it," Solas stated. His smile that time held the edges of the wolf.

_He knows she doesn't understand. She didn't understand. Phew. Mind your tone. Remember that she reads expression as much as word_.

"That will not be necessary," Leliana replied with a brief glare at Solas. "Would you regale us with what you remember before you awoke this morning?" she asked me. I nodded.

"I will speak slower, to make it easier, hahren," I told him softly.

"I will appreciate the slower pace," he stated, obviously for their benefit, as the Seeker was listening and watching as well.

"Would the Lady Spymaster prefer this regaled in reverse order from this morning, or just starting from my fall?"

Solas recounted my words exactly. "The fall or even a bit before," Leliana responded.

I nodded. "A bit before, I was reading in my bed, in my room, in my world." I paused to let Solas catch up.

"Before the fall, I was reading in my bed, in my room," Solas recounted.

"I felt myself nodding off, but I enjoy my stories, so I tried to press on."  
"I fell asleep reading my much enjoyed story."

"When I woke, I was falling, the cold air was the first thing I noticed, only briefly followed by the cold ground I was falling over."

"I awoke falling through the cold air, and then over the snow."

"When I stopped tumbling, I noticed I was naked, and immediately sought something to create a covering of some sort for myself."

"When I stood, I realized my state of undress, and sought a means of covering myself."

"That was when four men happened on me, so I fled. I did not know them and expected worse for my naked state."

Solas smiled. "That was when the Commander and his associates found me. Since I knew none of them and was without the protection of clothing, I fled."

"I chose the wrong way, as I came up against the mountain face. I faced them, and the Commander attempted to talk to me."

"I chose poorly as the mountain face stopped my retreat. When I turned to face the oncoming men, the Commander attempted to speak with me."

"That sounds like Cullen," Cassandra blurted. "Frozen and unclothed, and he wants to talk." The joke was apparently shared as Leliana smiled too.

"When it became obvious that he couldn't understand me, he sent for the Hahren."

"When the Commander realized he also does not speak Ancient Elven, he sent for me to translate for him."

"He offered me his cloak while we waited for the hahren's arrival and stuck to simple yes/no questions that could be answered without words."

"While waiting for my arrival, the Commander offered his cloak and apparently asked questions that could be answered with head gestures."

"I see," Leliana stated. One can never be sure what she's really thinking.

"When the Hahren arrived, we spoke for a moment. I," I looked down then, the pain still a little too fresh for this.

"When I arrived we spoke for a moment," Solas stated.

I didn't look up as I continued, my eyes drifting around at the strange place I'd found myself, the wood carved differently, the clothing of passing people, the different smells. "I didn't want to believe. It-I wanted it all to be just a dream, some weird nightmare I could wake from." I drew in a breath and found a hand in my vision as he lifted my chin. As I met his gaze, he shook his head slightly and I nodded.

"What did she say?" Leliana pressed.

"She was losing herself to the fresh memory," he stated swiftly and I nodded and straightened, fighting back down the fear. "She said she had wanted it all to be a dream, a nightmare she could wake from." A tear ran down my cheek and I tried to blink the rest back.

"I wanted it to be a dream, but it wasn't. You told me that," I told him. "And then when telling failed, you showed me, beyond doubt."

He straightened and faced Leliana. "She said that she wanted it to be a dream, but was made to realize otherwise. When words didn't work, actions proved beyond doubt, that this is no dream."

"She is referring to you setting the lightning off through her?" Leliana asked.

"Yes. We did set precautious, the Commander can validate that if you like."

"I have already spoken to Commander Cullen, though I think he's still blushing over the ‘state of undress’ the two of you found her in," Cassandra attested.

"And beyond that?" Leliana asked.

"I," I swallowed and on a thought looked her dead in the eye. "I cried, I cried for my lost world, for the terrors of my new one. I cried for a lost life."

"I wept over all I'd lost and the terrors of learning a new life."

"No," I said and looked right at Solas. "I cried for a lost life." Solas nodded and recounted my words exactly, as I looked back at Leliana. "Just like you have."

In Elven he spoke to me then, "Are you certain you wish to reveal that?"

"She will learn eventually," I told him with a gentle smile. Solas sighed.

"She says 'just like you have'," Solas stated.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Leliana asked angrily.

"You wish to do this here?" I asked kindly, and Solas mirrored my inflection as he mimicked the words.

"Do what?"

"I'm going to give you two names, and you decide." Solas mimicked it exactly. Leliana quirked an eyebrow haughtily but that demeanor fell away. "Raleigh and Marjolaine." As the names were repeated carefully to her, the fire behind her grey eyes burned hot.

"What of them?"

"Just like you have," I repeated.

"I'm not sure I follow enough to translate," Solas stated.

"Much as when Marjolaine and Raleigh destroyed the life she knew, the person she was. Before ever she met Justina, who at that time was merely a low-level cleric, before she met and traveled with the Hero of Fereldan, she knew a suffering, much like mine from yester eve."

"Almost makes me feel bad for the poor girl," Solas stated.

"What?" Leliana demanded.

"Before you served Justina, and before you traveled with the Hero of Fereldan," Solas began and her face wiped.

"Shut up," she snapped.

Solas merely inclined his head.

"That's a good bit of knowledge for anyone to have," she challenged glaring at me, but her glare fell into pity as that was all I had for the poor broken girl that had tried to hide it behind this hardened exterior.

"There are parts of my knowledge I am willing to share with you, dear Leliana. But I would have a question first, if I may."

"She says she would be willing to share other knowledge with you, but that she has a question for you first, 'if she may'."

"Go on," Leliana stated, crossing her arms and trying hard to glare.

"Did you ever get them?"

"Did she ever get what, da'len?"

Leliana quirked an eyebrow.

"When she traveled with the Hero of Fereldan," I paused and he paraphrased, "she had spoken to her dear friend of acquiring a specific set of shoes. Shoes she described as beautiful, with blue lace ribbons running up them?"

"Alright, allow me to begin this again," he said.

"Why? Continue as she spoke," Leliana pushed.

"Very well. She says that when you traveled with the Hero, you had spoken to a dear friend," I shook my head, "the Hero was your dear friend, now I follow. You had spoken with the Hero about obtaining a set of shoes with blue lace ribbons?" Solas was indeed confused by this point as Leliana blinked back a tear that might have gone unnoticed had I not been watching.

"What difference does that make?" Leliana asked in response.

"You were a different Leliana then too," I said gently and Solas echoed it.

Leliana paused a moment then partially nodded. "Fair."

"What questions do you have?"

"She wants to know what else you would like to discuss," Solas began then glanced quickly between us as a shiver shot through me. "Perhaps we could take this elsewhere?"

"That is all I need for now. I'll find her if I have further questions."

I shook my head. "No. I expect I'll be gone from here before tomorrow morning, so ask now," I said.

Solas shook his head. "Well?" Leliana pressed.

"She says you should ask now as she does not believe she will remain here long."

"I could throw her in the dungeon to ensure it," Leliana stated.

"While I am certain you could, I doubt you want to be reminded of Tug."

"You are truly confusing me," Solas said then parroted my words to the letter.

"Why do you mention those times?" Leliana asked.

I smiled gently. "Where I lived, many books were written of this place, its history, even its future. You were subject of much debate for many, but always one of my favorite characters." I paused as I felt the tears welling up and blinked them back. "It was painful to watch that Leliana go through her transformations to create the husk you now hide behind." Solas coughed hard.

"Not wise, da'len."

"But not untrue," I stated.

"I will hear it," Leliana said.

"She says where she is from many books were written of Thedas and its histories and future, and that you were one of her favorite characters from these books."

"What is so bad about that?" Leliana asked.

"She grieves for the difference in the you of then, to the you now."

"Why grieve over it? Things had to happen," she stated, but all I could do was look on her in sadness.

_Does she even realize what she has lost?_ I asked myself.

"You said you have read books of our future?"

I nodded. "There are some things I will share, some I will not."

"She is willing to divulge _some_ information."

"She will divulge _all_," Leliana pressed. I shook my head. "You will."

"No."

When I left it at that for a long moment, Solas sighed. "She says, no."

"No?"

"I will not divulge all to my Hahren, nor will I divulge all to you. Some things should not be tampered with," I stated.

Solas smiled softly. "She says she would not tell me all when I asked, and she will not tell you either. She threatened to bite her tongue off first when I asked, but she insists that some things 'should not be tampered with'," he stated.

"And you believe you are wise enough to decide what should or shouldn't be 'tampered with'?" Leliana asked, obviously failing to believe _that._

"No," I said and paused. "That is why I will be gone by morning," I stated.

Solas grinned. "She says, 'no but that is why I will be gone by morning'."

"You think she's entertaining, Solas?" Leliana asked.

"I believe her to be a valuable asset, if that's what you're asking."

"Describe to me the morning," she demanded of me. "Your waking until Cassandra arrived."  
I nodded. "I woke praying to find myself in my own bed, but the furs ended that thought. I was here, and permanently. My hahren greeted me and set aside his book to inquire how I felt this morning."

Solas parroted my words to the letter then, no paraphrasing, no dodging. We could both feel she was searching for something.

"And?"

"I told him honestly that I felt broken, but that I would repair. That I needed to find clothing and weaponry and to be away quickly. There is an event coming here soon, and I have no desire to be a part of it. It is not my battle."

"What event?" Cassandra and Leliana both asked as he parroted.

I sighed. _Well, here we go_. "The Fall of Haven," I stated.

Solas shook himself then spoke. "She says the event is known as the 'Fall of Haven'."

Cassandra and Leliana exchanged glances then Leliana scoffed. "And you expect me to just believe that?"

"I do not know the exact when so it is hard to say how quickly things will progress."

"She says she's not sure when she is so it’s hard to know for certain how quickly the event will come."

"Then let me give you a when," Leliana replied.

"I don't follow years by your ages," I stated swiftly. "I follow events."

"She says the year by the age will do her no good. She follows events, not years."  
"So what event would make things obvious to the date?" Cassandra asked.

"Where is the Herald? Have you been to Val Royeaux yet?" I asked.

"She asked as to the Herald's location and if you have been to Val Royeaux yet," Solas stated.

"All of Thedas has heard what happened in Val Royeaux," Leliana stated. "This verifies nothing."  
I turned to Solas. "Templars or Mages, has the Herald chosen?" I couldn't keep the fear out of my voice.

"He's expected to return from Therin Fall Redoubt within the next few days," Solas responded. I closed my eyes tight.

_We're out of time._ My eyes popped open and I stared at him "Word for word and I can't slow down for this one so I'm giving it to you all at once." He nodded. "Evacuate the civilians, _now_." He seemed shocked but I barreled on. "Chancellor Rodrick will know a path, a hidden path up the Pilgrims Trail, up into the mountains. Get the people out, anyone not needed for absolute survival or battle with the Breach, get them out. We are out of time. The moment the Herald returns with the remaining Templars you will have precious few hours to seal the Breach and escape and you will need to escape. Get the people out."

"You are certain of this?" he asked.

"Beyond any doubt," I stated.

He shook his head and began. "She says, we are out of time. Get the people out," that caught both of their attentions. "She says that Chancellor Rodrick (though how she knew his name I have no clue, she says he) will know a path, a 'Pilgrims Trail'."

"I've heard of it," Leliana stated.

"She says it leads up into the mountains and that anyone not needed to seal the Breach should be evacuated immediately. She says," he drew a breath and expelled before continuing, "that from the moment the Herald returns with the 'remaining Templars' and seals the Breach, we will have only a few hours to escape Haven."

"This seems like quite a lot to demand on faith," Leliana pressed.

"Don't believe it for you, but save the people," I stressed.

"She insists that you at least save the people."

"And if she's lying?"

"Oh, of all the impossible, pigheaded things to get stuck on! I haven't time! Stay if you're going to. But, I will not hold their heads on _my_ conscious," I stated and wheeled about, weaving between buildings. I could hear shouting behind me but I ignored it up until three guards crossed into my path.

"I believe the Spymaster asked you to stop," one of them said, an ugly grin across his face. I knew that look and my adrenaline kicked off. "Little knife-ear should do as their told." My teeth set, my stance dropped and I glared up at him. "Uh-oh, lads, I think it wants to play fight," he said in jest, but I no longer held patience to wait for the first move.

A single step forward, right hand up under his jaw and he went flying over the people lower down the stairs. No time to stop and praise, I whirled, extending a foot into the ribs of the second who fell gasping. The third had time to get a 'what' out before a raised left palm crushed his teeth together from under his jaw and sent him to join the first as my foot came back down with the same force. The ruckus had drawn an audience regrettably, so my departure was further delayed. I tumbled, dodged and fought my way towards the base of the steps to the gates outside, only to find myself standing face to face, in a ring of shemlins, with a blasted qunari.

"Impressive," it said.

I inclined my head. _Yep, with those horns, could only be_, I thought. "Stand aside, Iron Bull."

He inclined a brow. "Whatever you said, they want you back up there." I shook my head. "Not going willingly?" he asked.

I shook my head and looked about. Half the shems were betting the other half were just watching like hyenas. "I have nothing against you personally, but I'm leaving. Stand aside, or I will go through you," I stated.

"She trying to warn you," a voice came from behind me as Solas stepped up beside and then in front of me.

"Warn me of what?" Bull asked.

"Your anger could not be helped, all things considered, but leaving now does no one any good," Solas stated calmly.

"Who pissed her off?"

"The Spymaster," Solas replied over his shoulder, his gaze never leaving mine.

"Ouch."

I squeezed my eyes shut a moment then, steeling myself against what would need to be done and met his green-blue gaze with just as much intensity as I'd thrown at Bull. "I'm leaving, hahren. Stand aside."

"Don't make me do this, da'len. I have no desire to hurt you," Solas stated and Bull started laughing.

"Then get out the way and let a real man handle it," Krem shouted from the side.

"Aethien, I've no desire to hurt you. I would not insist were it not necessary. You know enough of me to know that."

"What are they offering for my time in a dungeon cell, _hahren_?" I sneered.

"My life," he replied and suddenly I felt as if the wind had been knocked from my lungs.

_No. No, no, no, no, no. Won’t be responsible for that, can’t be. _"You-you mean," I began.

"Your return to Leliana, or my life," he stated bluntly.

"Crap deal there, spell-flinger," Bull chimed.

_Spell?_

"Is one person’s words worth abandoning masses?" Solas asked gently.

"Come again," Krem asked.

"I'd hear more of this," Bull stated.

"Aethien offered advice to Leliana," Solas began, never letting his eyes stray from my face. "Advice that Leliana could not prove, so she called Aethien a liar and insulted her."

"What 'advice'?" Bull asked.

"Aethien has information that Haven is in danger, the Spymaster thinks it’s all a trick. It’s anyone's guess who is right, but given what else Aethien knows of, I'm inclined to believe that Haven is indeed in danger."

"Spymaster thinks it’s a trick?" echoed through the crowds. "That's not something you gamble that kind of bet on," another said. "Shouldn't someone at least investigate?" "Yeah, what if she is right?"

"We will investigate," Leliana's voice cut through the crowd, "but I need something substantial enough to prove it." I glared at her, and then a thought hit me.

"Send your raven to the Herald. They will have been delayed from their original plan by a few hours. When the raven returns, your scout will inform you that the meeting with the Templars was a set up by an Envy Demon, posing as the Lord-Seeker. Baras, a loyal Templar now leads the order that is returning here to help close the Breach." Solas relayed it as close to word for word as he could.

"I," Leliana paused. "I received almost that exact note not an hour before we met," Leliana admitted.

"It’s true then." "Haven's in trouble." "What are we going to do now?"

"You will do as you always have," the Commander stated as he walked into the circle. "You will protect the helpless." He turned to Solas. "You said she warned Leliana of Haven's danger. What kind of danger?"

I shook my head.

"One of those 'things that shouldn't be tampered with'?" Leliana asked. I nodded. "What can you tell us?"

"The attack will come not long after the Breach has been sealed. It will come without warning. Hundreds will die if they are not evacuated first."

"She says 'an attack will come not long after the Breach is sealed'. She says that there will be no warning of the attack and that hundreds will die if they are not evacuated before the Breach is sealed."

"She gave a specific evacuation plan earlier," Leliana stated, "though I'm not entirely comfortable with something that hasn't been used in decades."

"What plan?" the Commanded asked hastily.

"The Pilgrim's Path," Cassandra said. "She specifically mentioned that Rodrick would know it and that he should lead the civilians to safety up the hill."

"I do know it," Chancellor Rodrick stated. "But why would I aid heretics?" he asked haughtily.

"If you do this now, you will live to see the Inquisition save thousands and restore the Chantry to its usual glory. If not, you will die, not long after revealing the path. Many healers will try to save you as an attempt at thanks for their lives, but they will fail."

"You are a _beacon_ of good news today," Solas stated. "She says that if you lead the civilians away now, you will live to see the Inquisition rebuild your Chantry to its former glory. If not, you will die not long after revealing the path. Many will try to save you, all will fail."

"Are you threatening me?"

"No. I do not threaten the helpless."  
"She says 'no. _She_ does not threaten the helpless'."

Cassandra coughed.

"And what do you mean by that?"

I shrugged and said no more, clamping my jaw and glaring between him and Leliana. I felt my breath then, I felt my shoulders hunch inward, felt my responses as I prepared for a fight. The first to move towards me would find it was their last mistake. No more stunning, no more playing nice. The next fool to try to touch me would die for it. I’d had enough.

Solas spoke then after a long tense silence. "She has had nothing but doubt, danger and questions since her arrival here. I daresay she's talked out."

Leliana nodded. "You will escort her back to your hut and the two of you will remain there. I will sort this out here." I glared up at her and shook my head. "If you were lying, it would be most imperative that you escape before we could confirm it. If not, then you will be evacuated with the civilians. Can't have you disappearing without a chance to thank you."

Solas laid a hand on my shoulder. "It will give us a place for quiet for a bit," he stated and I felt the intent behind his words.

"On my hahren's request, I stay, for now," I said glaring up at her. "Do not change those words."

"She says that you should have her exact words. ‘On my hahren's request," he paused, "I stay, for now'."

Leliana raised a brow, then smiled lightly and nodded. "Clear a path!" Bull called and a line of people stepped back to either side of the stairs. I proceeded by them without a sideways glance. If they were not evacuated in time, I did not want to remember the faces of the victims of stupidity. At the top of the stairs, a surly looking dwarf smiled at us.

"Well, Chuckles, seems you have your work cut out for you."

"Indeed. Good day, Master Tethras."

"Did you see the way she smashed their faces in? Bloody brilliant." There was a voice I could never forget. Sera was apparently chatting Varric up, poor fool.

We reached Solas’ cabin door and I stopped. "Should we not go in?" he asked.

"I want to apologize first. I never meant for you to be placed in danger. I am sorry," I stated.

He smiled and stepped by me, opening the door and gesturing me to join him within. I stepped in and he closed the door then sealed it in barrier blue energy. I gave a questioning glance and he smiled.

"I agreed to her plan because it gives me time to talk privately to you," he stated. "To be certain of your, disposition," he added as the smile wiped clear.

"My disposition?"

"You've hardly been awake for more than a few hours and have been put through quite a bit." I smiled and scoffed.

"You might be amazed what I'm capable of enduring," I stated. "You needn't worry yourself for me."

"But I will, especially considering some of the knowledge you possess," he stated.

"You'd rather see me dead than in the hands of an enemy?" I asked bluntly.

"I would prefer neither," he stated.

"Know," I paused to be sure I had his undivided attention, and then continued, "that I would die before I would betray your trust."  
"You owe me no such loyalty," he stated as if he meant to rebuke it.

"My loyalty is mine to give to those whom _I_ deem worthy. You don't have to accept it, but neither will that change whom I give it to."

"Why?" he asked after a long silence.

There was the major question I didn't want to answer. I turned away then and stepped to the stone fireplace. _Spells_. The word had lodged into my mind as soon as Bull had said it and I felt it burrowing. I needed to try.

I formed the image in my mind then of the logs in the fireplace catching fire slowly and spreading to each other gently, then extended my hand. "Burn," I told them, and the logs in the fire burst into flames. He was quick to tamp it down to a reasonable burn. I looked dumbfounded at my hand at that moment. "It would seem," I began, "I have a talent for magic here." I closed my eyes then.

_Great, just fucking great._ I reached up and pinched the bridge of my nose as I thought. _Not like I don't have enough problems here, but now, I'm an apostate; apparently I'm a knife-ear, apostate, oracle. Fuck-ing great. _ I let my hand drop and opened my eyes to stare down at the flames. _Gods, I've never felt so alone. No family, no friends, no school or work mates, not even a boss. _I sighed. _I've the knowledge to save thousands, hundreds of thousands, but I won't use it, because I agree with the root cause. I agree that for a new forest to grow, parts of the old one must burn. I agree with him that the Evanuris must be battled and defeated permanently but that so long as the Veil is there, they will always have a safe spot to retreat to. I agree that the Veil should be pulled away, that people and spirits of all types should live in peace, and if not in peace at least without active confrontation. I believe in him, his ideas. I also believe I just jumped into the middle of the biggest scariest time of all of Thedas and I just made it worse. Fucking great. _

"It would seem you do." Solas' voice dragged me from my minds torrents.

"What?"

"You said you appear to have magical talent, and I was agreeing. Not truly surprising, but pleasant to know, nonetheless."

"Why is it pleasant to know?" I asked.

"Other than not being the only apostate here," he said on a smile. "It is pleasant to have someone here who speaks the old language, that shares in the gift of magic," he sounded like he would continue but if he did, he did so silently.

"I don't know about that last part. My attempt at starting that fire was my first try ever, so I really don't know much about the joys and responsibilities of magic."

"Then I will teach you," he stated.

I scoffed. "And in exchange?" I asked. I only had so much knowledge to trade and I knew it, whereas his knowledge of magic was near limitless.

He was quiet for a moment then spoke decisively, as if there were no options outside of it. "You will remain at my side indefinitely." I froze a moment as I felt my breath hasten to leave me.

My mind started racing then. When most would say the word 'indefinitely', they hardly meant it, but this was a being that had been alive for millennium; a man who knew, truly knew what that word meant. His tone brooked no argument over it, but there was much unsaid in that same statement, things that would need to be said. I didn't want to. Maybe the day was wearing on me, but...

"An interesting proposition," I stated finally. A raised eyebrow to my statement. "You truly feel this is a fair trade?"

"I do not intend to take advantage, but you are carrying information that is dangerous if left unprotected," he replied. "I will teach you all I know of the art of magic, but I must insist that you remain at my side thereafter."

This was no simple barter one made at the market stalls. Solas, Fen'Harel, played for keeps. I was silent while thinking and he was patient enough to let me. Ultimately I realized something that made me smile. "I think I know how a halla feels when the wolf stalks it for days." Solas raised an eyebrow, but I could not meet his eyes, I dared not. "No matter what is said, or how, I must drink from the water at some time; I have to learn magic, whether now or later, or I will end up hurting myself or someone else."

He was silent for a moment. "I'm not the kind of hunter to attack a helpless halla, but _you_," he stressed, "are no halla. You are a hunter, like me, and like me you chafe at having someone attempt to direct or move you." I smiled sadly.

"Seems you already know me a little too well."

He placed two fingers under my chin and forced my gaze up to his. Brilliant blue depths met me and another barrier slipped as I remembered a hundred times I would have begged for that simple touch, for the chance to stare up at him as I now did.

_No. Stop it. You know better. You know what he is, what he must do. You know the heartbreak you are setting yourself up for. Knock it off._ I argued with myself for those moments, but I could no more look away then stop breathing. I wanted this for too long to look away.

"I will teach you to hunt, as all young ones must learn, through trial and experience, not through chiding speech."

"I don't mind your speech," I blurted, then bit down hard on my tongue as I squeezed my eyes shut. Silence followed for so many heart beats I lost track.

"You mentioned Leliana was_ one_ of your favorites from those books. That implies you had others." He paused.

_Don’t, don’t you dare open your mouth now. _I had already fucked up enough for one day.

"Was she your top favorite?" he asked gently.

I shook my head, biting harder. I swear I tasted copper then. _No, no, no, no. Shouldn’t, mustn’t. He is smart, Athena. You know better. Shut up._

"Who?" he asked.

"No." I ripped my head away from his grip, stepping away to stare at the brilliant blue encasing the door, heaving breaths past my fears.

"Can't make me think it, can't make me say it, words sliding, slipping, slithering away with me." Solas' demeanor was the wolf then as the intruder arrived. I turned to the sound of the voice and smiled. “A single light in the darkness. Hello.”

"You should not have been able to enter," Solas stated.

"She needed me and here I am. Can I help?" he asked. I smiled up at him and placed a hand on either cool check.

"Cole," I greeted. "I did not mean to disturb you."

"You aren't bothering me; you aren't bothering him either, though I might be bothering him. I could ask," he began and I hugged him

"Thank you, Cole." He smiled too; I could feel it as he hugged me back.

"I like hugs. Their soft and warm and you smell like raindrops."

I grinned, and then released him. "Thank you, Cole."

"Others still need me," he stated.

"Be careful," I pleaded gently.

"Is there another way to be?" I smiled.

"We'll meet again, I'm sure," I added as he went to ask his usual question. He grinned too then disappeared.

"That was mildly unsettling," Solas said then. I smiled gently over at him.

"You've nothing to fear from him. Cole is a spirit of Compassion." I looked away then. "He would have to be my second favorite of all the characters in the entire trilogy."

"Three books?" Solas asked. I smiled up at him then on a half-laugh.

"No, three parts," I stated and he raised an eyebrow. "The First Part is nearly twelve books long, starting from the beginning of King Calan and Loghain MacTyr all the way through the seating of Alistair on the Fereldan throne and minor discoveries that came about shortly thereafter or before. There was a bit of additional world history in there from before Calan- Tevinter’s rise, Orlais dominance- nothing that was really worth mentioning." Talking about the books seemed to ease some of my tension, so I pressed on, looking about as I continued. "The Second Part is four books long. Varric tried to sum up parts of it into one book, but you miss a lot of what happens if you only read the Tale of the Champion. Please don’t misunderstand, I have great respect for Varric’s way with words and his twisting of them, but so much is lost when you try to describe four separate fish in a pond as one.” I couldn’t think of another metaphor that would have made it easier but he smiled down at me, his mind working as fast as my own. I paused and felt my smile slack. “And the Third," I sighed. "The Third is comprised of five books." I walked to the window and looked out over Haven, people scurrying about in normal every day routine. "The first is about to end." I felt the tear run down my face, but didn't move to stop it. "Forgive me," I whispered to the people out the window. I could feel him come to stand behind me, the faint smell of something similar to sandalwood and jasmine mixed permeated the air around him. I smiled sadly and tried to return to the books. "That doesn't even count the hordes of fan based fiction writings based on those books," I finally added.

"You would save them, even if they condemn you," he asked.

"No," I finally said after a long pause. "I would do what I feel is best, regardless of how others may think or feel. That's just me." I smiled and scoffed. "My boss used to tell me I was a force of nature when I got something stuck in my head as the 'right' thing to do."

There was silence for a while. "You mentioned earlier that you knew, you know what I will have to do," he stated softly, though it sounded like a question.

"I know what you will do, and I know why." I sighed and turned to face him. It had to be said and in so he needed to know the truth in full. I looked up to meet the shifting-colored gaze and braced myself. "I know you will rip down the Veil. I know that it in no small part will cost you a part of your soul to do," I squeezed my eyes shut a moment, remembering those moments at the crossroads and how hard I’d cried after. "The Din’anshiral is a hard road, but realize that if I accept your offer to train me, you will have to accept that you will not walk it alone. Be sure of that before you make that offer. I do not take agreements lightly," I stated glaring up at him as best I could, praying to every power I had in me that he would not see the fear there. He had a choice, a real choice to make; to teach, and risk another on the path of death, or turn away now. The fear that would not leave was present mostly because I wasn't sure what to pray for more.

"You say I should think on that, but have you," he asked.

I closed my eyes and shook my head a moment before looking back up at him. "You cannot understand so I will not try to explain it to you, but know that yes, I have spent months screaming at myself for my own idiocy as I swore that given the chance I would walk that path, for more reasons than you will ever possibly know. I offer you this chance, Fen'Harel," I stated, "Solas," more gently, "back out. I won't think less of you for it." He raised that eyebrow again. "Not from the Veil, that will be done. That will be done if it must be done after you are gone, that I will swear to you." The other eyebrow rose then. "My reasons are my own and of anyone you have no rights to ask, but the vow is the same." I sighed. "I offer you the chance to resend your offer to train me, take back your deal to bind me to your side, for that is what it _will_ be." I took a steadying breath and threw all I had into my next words. "You will choose, and I will abide."

He studied my gaze for a moment, eyes wandering only slightly before his lips quirked up into a smile. "Force of nature indeed." I smiled then too.

After a moment in shared smiles, I clear my face and my head and stared back up at him. "An answer, Dread Wolf. I need training but there are others that could instruct me; not as well, given the language barrier, but none the less. I need to learn, in so, I need an answer."

He thought a moment, and then spoke. "Give me until dawn."

I nodded and stepped away, back to the fire to warm the chill my bones were casing. _You know you did that to yourself_, I chided myself in my head as I rubbed my hands together and extended them to the fire, only then realizing that most probably didn't haunch down to warm up here as I caught his raised eyebrow from the corner of my eye. _You could have... Shut up._

"If I weren't sure it would end badly," I said to distract myself, "I might try to draw the heat into myself instead. Haven is frigid," I stated as I rubbed more furiously. He chuckled and walked over behind me. I heard the rustling and felt the furs placed around my shoulder. "Thank you." I stared into the fire for a while before I realized the logs never burned down. I grinned inwardly. Of course he would have an enchanted fireplace. Worse thoughts followed, tugging on the pain, the loneliness, the fact that I had already made a decision that would condemn me. Ultimately I sought the only balm left to me, the solace of conversation. "Solas?"

"Yes," he replied as he looked up from his book. _When had he gone back to reading that?_

"What was it like?" I asked still staring at the flames. "I mean, I've heard you describe it to Herald in the books, but," I paused.

"Describe what?" he asked patiently.

"Arlathan. The spires of crystal weaving through Faded forests and floating cities drifting above the ground," I grinned then, "And spirits as common as grass and trees." I could almost quote it word for word considering how many times I'd been over those parts. "It sounds beautiful, a world of wonder and magic. But," I paused again and drew in a breath before turning my face towards him, "what was it like, to live there?" I asked earnestly. He smiled gently and closed the book.

"Your question is harder to answer," he stated sadly as he rose and placed the book on the seat again and moved over to me. "I lived there for a very long time, and things changed, as they always do. What specifically did you want to know?" he asked as he extended a hand down to me. I accepted it as he helped me to my feet.

"Everything," I said on a laugh.

"Everything? That could take a long time," he stated.

"Maybe just a small something for now then, like, um, sure. Food, let's go with that. What did the Elves of Arlathan eat?" I asked not wanting to admit to the fact that my empty stomach was what had caused the thought to come to mind.

He chuckled lightly. "That will be easier to do in another place," he said.

I dropped my gaze then to the floor. "You mean the Fade." It should have been a question but it really wasn't.

"That would be the easiest way to go about it, yes," he responded.

"I," I began and rethought. "I know how to jump, from dream to dream. I know how to generally control my dreams. However, I have never been capable of what you do." He said nothing for a moment but I could feel him staring down at me. "I cannot physically will myself into the Fade, like you. Things like Fade jumping, you'd told Cassandra once, was ‘something learned with years of practice’."

He chuckled again. "That would be a partial truth," he admitted. "I can teach you to 'Fade jump' within a few days." I looked up at him and I know my mouth was open. "Teaching Cassandra to 'Fade jump' however would likely take years of practice."

I was silent a moment and then smiled. "I get it. She's been touched by the Fade so she has a connection to it already, even if a very thin one."

He smiled down at me. "We'll deal with Fade jumping tomorrow. For now, you need to just," he paused and I felt the translucent pull again, just before the word, "_relax_".


	3. Real?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Fade, the one place a girl who has had near everything ripped from her should not be, and he forced to choose, to make a choice that will decide their fates on a much grander scale.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story contains massive spoilers for the game. Please note, that if you are reading, I take no responsibility for ruining game plot you haven't gotten to yet.  
Also, I use multiple songs within the story. I do not claim ownership to these songs. All copyrights belong to the original authors. (I'm just a huge fan :P)

Chapter 3: Real?

And then I was standing there, watching as my barely clothed body walked through Haven yesterday with him leading and the Commander a few steps behind. I watched the tortured looks on my own face as I fought the concept of this all being real. Solas showed up at some point as I watched him speak with Adan, and then the bolt. I flinched as it was fired off. I watched my body convulsing, watched Adan straightened muscle-spasming limbs and place the one potion down my throat against a twitching tongue. I watched him growl at my barely conscious self, and then saw how I curled over on myself to cry and scream what I had thought only to be saying. I watched as the Commander moved to turn me and lift me against his chest. The man looked almost as broken as I felt. Finally the crying subsided, and he lifted me, telling Solas it would probably be best if I stayed with him for now, since he was the only one to understand me. I watched as they walked into the hut and the Commander released me.

"You don't have to do this to yourself," Solas was saying beside me, but the barrage of images and memories that followed were no more in my control than the tears streaming my face. Too much pent up, too much pain.

The memories of the officer at the door and my mother's broken-hearted scream as the poor MP tried to comfort her. The memories that followed, of her new ex-boyfriends that would come by...it paused on the last. Most had been flashing images; quick painful moments of how they had hurt my mother. The last hadn't been. I could remember everything about him and the Fade before me reflected it. It reflected the heavy alcohol smell around him, his perfectly pristine teeth, his thick, strong hands. It played out that last day. It played out his sick games of twisting my little body to his will until my brother had come home early. His finally mistake was to kill my brother in that scuffle. My mother went to jail the next day. The officer in front of me telling me she had committed murder that night and that she was admitting to it, and that I would never see her again.

"You can't have her," I heard growled beside me as I felt the rush of magic only a little before the great fur covered leg of the Dread Wolf himself landed in my view. "You must stop," the teethed muzzle mouthed. "I cannot fight them off eternally." I clung to that leg then and cried. He would have to choose his other form.

My mind shifted to older memories then. I watched as I played with the great Tibetan mastiff pup, training and teaching and loving. Karl had been the world of that little me. I was so happy the christmas daddy had brought him home for me; so happy to have him to love on while daddy was away.

I watched as my father put Karl into a cage. Karl was no pup anymore, but a full grown hound, taller still than even my father. My father gritted his teeth as I screamed at him, while he locked Karl in the cage. Karl had killed a human and despite the fact it had been done in my defense, our laws dictated that he had to be put down.

I shouted at my father. I fought him, though there was little my eight year old body could accomplish against a thirty-six year old hardened marine. He handed me to my fourteen year old brother, who held me as I screamed at my father as he loaded his twelve gauge. My father knelt in front of me then, tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Athena, but Karl did kill the boy. You know he has to go."

"No. No, daddy, please," I pleaded through tears. "He was only protecting me. Please, daddy. No."

My father stood, blinking back tears in his eyes before he faced the great beast that stood slobbering and happy to see him. "I wish there was another way, sweet heart," my father said distantly. Then in one moment, he lifted the gun and the earth shattering sound only matched by my screaming. I collapsed from my brother's grasp as Karl's body sunk to the bottom of the cage, no more fight left in either of us. I cried hard then. Thomas, my brother, went to move me, but my father told him to leave me be.

I cried for a long while. Finally, I rose and walked to the garage and pulled a shovel. Beside his cage, I dug the hole. At some point my mother came out and asked what I thought I was doing and I snapped at her through my tears, "I'm burying him. What does it look like?" She left me be after that.

As I finished digging, I opened his cage. Forcing myself not to sob, I lifted his great muzzle and put it on my lap one more time, stroking the soft fur of his muzzle. I kissed his forehead and whispered, "Goodbye" as I cried against his still head. I forced myself up after a while. Then I dragged his heavy body out of the cage. I had to use my feet to push him into the hole, and I was sobbing then. I couldn't stop crying as I threw shovel after shovel of dirt on top. I cried as I patted the last dirt in place.

Father let me stay there crying through the night until the next morning, when he woke me, saying we had somewhere important to be.

I buried my face in the Dread Wolf's fur, different, barely from Karl. Then I heard a hissing voice, "She doesn't have the will to resist us. You cannot banish what is being called."

I raised my head then to see four Despair demons approaching and I heard Solas snarl at them. I stood stiffly then, leaving one hand on the strong fur-covered leg. "That's where you're wrong," I said. My voice sounded distant even to me. I'd seen and felt him do this a dozen times now, so I focused in and drew the energies from the Fade around us, breathing in as I did.

"No!" they hissed.

"No," he echoed, but I released the energy at them and it sizzled their ratty rags into nothingness. Then I collapsed, I didn't have the strength to stand anymore. He resumed his usual form and placed a hand to my throat. A sigh of relief as he stared down at me.

"Heh, it worked," I said on a half-smile. My face was still stiff with tears shed, and my chest hurt.

He shook his head. "Don't do that again until we can at least go over some basics. You could have killed yourself taking that much in," he cautioned. He looked around. "This was a mistake. I think it might be time for you to, _wake up_."

As I woke, I found I was disoriented for a long moment. "Don't force it," his voice echoed underneath me. I struggled then to rise as I realized I was lying on his chest. He steadied me as the dizziness overtook me. "Is this your idea of not forcing?" he asked after a moment.

"I, um," I began and I was blushing hard. "I didn't realize I had been, that we were, I mean." He chuckled.

"You think I'd just leave you on the floor?" he asked and I blushed wider. "Lay back down," he suggested as he pulled me back to him. "Your body is not ready to come full awake yet."

I nodded and lay out beside him. The bed was small, so there wasn't really much room to do anything but lay against him. _Not that I'm complaining_, I thought and then sighed sadly. _Save I have no right to ask that of him_. I dozed back off though almost immediately.

[[[Solas held her there for a while, contemplating what he'd seen and learned in the night. She'd been broken, repeatedly. She would ultimately put herself back together again, but this was the worst she’d been hit with. She had always had a reason to put herself back together before. Also, she seemed to prefer his Dread Wolf form as it reminded her of her Karl, even if the stupid mutt had nothing in common with him save the color of his fur. Top that with the fact she was drawing in Despair and Terror demons in her sleep. She couldn't be released now, or even the Seeker would demand that she be made Tranquil.

He sighed. He thought loudly then, projecting his thoughts skyward across the Veil, _She called him Cole, and I have need of him._ Cole formed by the bedside and looked at him, cocking his head to the side.

"How can I help?" Cole asked.

"She trusts you and she cares for you."

"Yes," Cole stated flat. Solas turned his head slightly. "I will stay with her until she wakes," Cole clarified. Solas smiled.

"Thank you."

"I'm happy to help, and she is always happy to see me," Cole replied with the enthusiasm of a child being told if they behave they'll get sweets. Solas smiled, and then carefully dislodged himself from her. She mumbled briefly as he slipped away and Solas had to fight the urge to step into her dreams again, but he had to talk to the Seeker and Leliana. He sought them out and found them discussing the evacuation plans near the large fire pits within the Chantry. She was right about that: Haven was always frigid.

"Seeker," he greeted as he walked within. Both froze to look up at him.

"Good morning, Solas," Cassandra replied and looked about. "Where is your friend?"

"Sleeping," he answered hurriedly. "But that's what I wanted to discuss with you." Cassandra quirked an eyebrow and Leliana leaned back and folded her arms over her chest. "She only just discovered that she has magic-aptitude." Cassandra froze. "Her, time here hasn't been," Solas paused, "pleasant," he finished. "She's been ripped from her world and thrown into ours, ripped from a life," Solas began.

"What do you want, mage?" Cassandra asked haughtily.

Solas paused. "Avoid her or be kinder, that's all. She's drawing the attention of things in the Fade that worry me."

"What things?" Cassandra pressed.

"Despair demons," he answered and Cassandra sat back as if she'd been slapped. Rather than most, Despair only came generally to those who would sooner end their lives than press on. The girl had seemed so strong, so resilient yesterday. Surely she wouldn’t…

Leliana let her arms fall to her sides after a moment. "I suppose we have been less than accommodating, but you believe that is causing this?"

Solas paused, and Cassandra finally said, "More?"

"I-I had a look into her dreams, her past while she was sleeping," he admitted.

"And?" Leliana inquired.

"She-Her arrival here cemented one thing, she's alone, utterly and completely. She'd lost everyone in her family before she ever made it here."

"It would explain her deep fascination with those stories," Leliana stated. Solas bit back a remark with a harsh sigh.

"I mention that because she has nothing," he stated. "She has no one to go home to, if she could, she has nothing here, no friends, no family, nothing." He paused to let that sink in. "She is utterly alone, and there is no light in that darkness."

"The Maker's light is a guide for all," Leliana stated. Cassandra rolled her eyes and Solas scoffed.

"Then please let your Maker know that she needs all the light he can spare at the moment," he said sarcastically. "Because your Maker has done nothing to ease her suffering thus far."

"You sound very worried, Solas, but I can't place," Cassandra began and he cut her off.

"Yes, I'm worried. I'm worried she won't want to come back. I'm worried Despair might win one of these times, not because she is weak-willed but because she just doesn't feel the need to go on living."

Leliana's face wiped as Cassandra braced her inner strength against his words.

"Do you," Cassandra began. "Do you believe that, truly? That she would essentially take her own life?" The concept terrified Cassandra. She'd heard of it happening in other places, but she didn't expect to witness it.

"I think that if she is not giving a reason to believe she is at least wanted in this world, she'll find the biggest creature she can find and take it on, armed or not," Solas stated.

Silence fell for some time then before Cassandra wet her lips and began.

"She," Cassandra drew a breath. "She obviously likes reading. I have a few books she might borrow, if you think that might help," Cassandra offered.

Relief flooded Solas at the offer but was turned acrid as Cole appeared beside him. "You must come," Cole said. "She won't hear me." The words came out as a desperate plea and before the two women could get the question out about Cole, both Cole and Solas were running across the yard towards his hut. Solas was sure they'd follow, but had no thoughts to spare them. He dashed through the door to see the creature hovering over her as she slept. Despair was forming in the Unchanging World from its gathering of her will. It grinned at him.

He raised his hand to banish it, and it grinned wider, raising just its little finger only to watch the thread tug on her and she moaned in her sleep. "Fine," he stated. As Cassandra came into the room, Cole spoke.

"Can't hurt it, or it will kill her."

"I'm going into the Fade. It can deal with me there," Solas stated seating himself beside the bed. "I'll signal when it’s safe to destroy _that_." Then he drifted into the Fade and his body collapsed to the floor.]]]]]

There was pain. I can handle physical pain. I'm used to it. It just kind of numbs out after a while, but the pain of knowing I lay beside the man I wanted more than anything, even though at the time he was just a character in a book, a fantasy and nothing more; the pain of knowing I had no right to ask that of him. And then I was here. Solas, shimmering stood before me.

"Am I your play thing now?" he asked angrily. “Something for you to save?”

"No," I hurried to assure.

"Do you really think I need you at all?" he demanded.

_He wouldn’t hurt you,_ Cole's voice echoed through my head.

But the pain, the ripping tearing pain burrowing deeper into my chest.

"What cause do you have to stay?" Shimmering Solas asked. "Do you really think I might _grow_ affection for you? That I would stoop so low?"

"I-I didn't," I stammered and the pain dug deeper.

_He's lying. Fight him_, Cole's voice came again.

But how could I fight the man I loved? How could I tell him those words hurt?

_No right_, I thought and the pain burrowed again. _You have no right to ask that of him, no right to expect him to care about…_

"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't-"

"Didn't what?" he demanded. "Didn't think I would notice? Didn't believe I would care that you were draped over me like a _whore_?!" I flinched at that.

"I."

"You what? You thought I would care for you? Am I to be your new daddy and protect you?" he sneered.

"No," I said feeling the hollow ache echo back from my chest. "Not your fight. Not you." Everything felt more distant. Even the pain felt more distant, like I was watching it happen from inside someone else.

"There's no one left that loves you, you know that; certainly no one left that needs _you_," he sneered with a cold smile.

"An untrue assessment at best." I turned, though it seemed to take forever to see another Solas. Mild confusion, then more pain.

"Oh?" Shimmering Solas asked haughtily. "You've some proof of that?"

"Not your fight," I mumbled.

"This creature cannot take you if you fight, Aethien," second Solas stated.

"Oh yes," shimmering Solas hissed. "Fight. Come on," he goaded. "Come kill your only friend." His laughter shook into me and made me feel sick, but I couldn't move. The pain was too much.

"I will die first, hahren," I mumbled. Second Solas' eyes shot open.

"You," he fumed glaring at the shimmering one. "You posed as me to get in her head." The shimmering one seemed to smile at second Solas then.

"I will not allow harm to him, not even at the cost of my own life," I mumbled the repeated words I'd said a thousand times in a thousand dreams. I felt my body drain further. "He may not be mine to love, to need, but I will protect him all the same. I must."

"You _must_," the shimmering one sneered. "Is that how you justify pressing your body to him like a camp follower? You must. Despite the fact that no one, nothing wants you, nothing needs _you_?!" I flinched again. The pain seemed to be burrowing into my stomach.

"Please," I begged. The second Solas held pity in his gaze as he watched.

Another being appeared beside the second Solas then, and my pain choked. I knew that face.

[[["You are troubled, my friend," the new form, the beautiful Elven woman of shimmering greys spoke.

"She is in danger, but she is a danger."  
"She could also be very useful, yes; I've heard you recounting it for several hours now." She smiled at him. "You already have your answer," she said and he looked at her.

"I do?"

"She has your secrets. She knows who you are, what you are. She agrees with your needs and is dedicated to you beyond reason," the woman stated gently. He nodded. "You already know that if she lives, she will have to be bound to you. Is she really that hard to look at?" Solas blushed slightly a moment and coughed. "Would it be so bad to take what you've wanted for so long, since it has been put right in front of you?"

"Is it fair to her?" he questioned back. "To bind her that way."

The woman laughed, the sound of dripping water on fine crystal. "You plan to bind her to you anyway in exchange for teaching her magic. How is this different? Other than of course, accepting what would come of that?" She asked again smiling. He glanced uncomfortably up at her. "You cannot tell me you didn't want to when she undressed in front of you." He blushed harder. "You've already begun to feel for her, and that is not a bad thing before you go trying to label it that way." He looked up at her then. "It isn't. She is yours for the taking, if you've the _will_ for it," the woman finally said. Wisdom never did play games with him. When she was tired of trying to get him to see, she would lay it out before him and hold him there until he realized it. “Else leave her to the Demon.”

"You've made your point," he responded uncomfortably. Maybe she was more pleasant to look at but her secrets, the secrets she could have from any of those futures; the things he might learn alone. To leave her to the Demon would be an enormous waste of a valuable resource. Yes an attractive resource, one that (according to Wisdom) could be of assistance in far more ways than that. He could not release her now. She was his. Wisdom made that part clear. She had already stated she was loyal to him beyond fault and Wisdom had only confirmed his fears. She was beginning to matter too much far too quickly. He should separate himself from her, but if she held those secrets. What if another deciphered the Ancient Elven? He could not risk it. She would have to remain with him and he would have to accept that he did want to do so many things to that attractive naked body. _Feelings?_ No it was more than a desire to bury himself hilt deep in a beautiful form. There was more. He would not have risked alerting Cassandra for a quick throw to the floor. She meant something, more than what he’d told her. She was more than just another mage, or someone he could speak comfortably with in his native tongue. She had settled as more important than that. _Her only friend?_ Despair had called him her only friend. She wanted to be at least friends with him then. _Who do I think I’m fooling with this? I argue back and forth in my head. At the end, it comes down to the same. Wisdom’s words are truer than I’d like. If I bind that attractive thing to me, I will end up with more. Her loyalty alone would obviously make her a better match than a dozen others that will only know the Dread Wolf. But, again avoiding the point._ Wisdom smiled at him. _Okay, so I want more than her loyalty. You said it yourself. She’s not hard to look at and yes I wanted to. What matter? I will save her, take her back, and bind her to me._

“How badly do you need that resource, wolf?” Wisdom asked then turned to the girl.

Solas looked back over at Aethien and moved to step towards her but the woman was faster.]]]

She was speaking with him for a moment, but I had to warn her, she had to know. I tried to turn, but the pain overtook me and I fell. The woman was before me, catching me and helping me sit up after. I looked into her face and struggled past the pain to talk. "You have to go," I told her. She looked surprised. "You can't stay where you are."

"Explain, dear," she prompted.

"Let her go. Not yours," shimmering Solas roared.

"Be still," she prompted impatiently to the shimmering Solas. "Go on," she told me gently.

"The mages, they have a book, a book that will tell them where to find you. They will, they will find you and bind you and you will die. Please, you have to go," I pleaded as the pain ripped through me again. Brief memories touched my mind of how badly he’d hurt over losing her in the game. She smiled at me.

"I will, though I can see you do not tell me this for my sake so much as another's." I grimaced. "I will go. I will hide where they cannot find me. Do not worry."

_She’ll be alright. _"Thank you," I said and fell. I fell, releasing all feeling to the chill, darkness around me. I drifted down, ever down deeper into the cold, penetrating down into my bones and consuming my insides, darkness gripping senses and blurring them to obscurity. Then warm hands, gripping either side of my head, forcing me to meet the bright blue gaze.

"Don't go," he urged.

"Needed no more," I mumbled against the pain; I didn’t want to be conscious, didn’t want to face the pain. He was breathing so hard, fighting...what?

"It," he began, growled and then shook me from delirium sharply as he actually kissed me. He sat back only far enough to press his forehead to mine and stare down into my eyes after. "_I_ need you," he stated.

_No. No, no, no, no. This is just your mind trying to fight back. No need to fight back anymore. You don't have to. Just let go. You're almost there, almost free. Just.._.

"Aethien!" he shouted and there was fear, actual fear in his eyes. "Don't go."

"But," I mumbled and he shifted before me into the great form of his Dread Wolf, easily two meters at the shoulder.

"Hold onto me?" he begged then through his muzzle. The image broke me against the pain. I missed my puppy so bad, I threw myself at his leg to wrap arms around it and cry against the soft fur. I felt the muzzle press down against my back and shoulder, holding me in the way a dog hugs back. "I won't let you go," he mumbled and in that moment, I let myself believe, here I was safe.

"No!" shimmering Solas hissed. "You can't have her."

"Be gone, fiend. _The woman is mine_," he announced and the force of that announcement shook the grounds we were on.

"No." Foolish and desperate it charge but in the blink of one great red eye, it evaporated on its own cry.

The muzzle snuggled back down against me then for a while. The pain was finally slackening gently. "He's all yours, Cole," the Dread Wolf finally said.

[[[[[Cole's head popped up. "She's safe. Solas says she's safe." Cassandra needed no other prompting. Years of discipline flowed through her as before the staggering creature could get off of the girl, Cassandra divided it in four. ]]]]

"I hurt," I said, as I tried to burrow closer.

"I know, da'len." He sighed as he returned to his form and suddenly I was clinging to his arm instead. He gripped my chin and forced me to look up at him before I could let go, as the tears continued pouring down my face. "Please believe me," he began, and then the woman was back.

"Quite the statement," she said with a smile. "I am happy for you, my friend. But you both need to, _wake up_."

I jarred awake, screaming, crying and grasping desperately in front of me for balance though I lay on the bed. Movement beside me and I was tucked against a warm side. "Hush, da'len," Solas urged gently and pressed me to him. I struggled but slowly I got my breathing and my crying under control. "I forget sometimes how much stronger her wakings can be," he admitted quietly to me.

Cole stood then and disappeared with a smile.

"Bracing," Cassandra finally said and my head snapped about to look at her. "You can keep this from happening in the future?" Cassandra asked Solas over my shoulder.

"I believe so, yes," Solas replied.

"Then um, good," she finally said a bit awkwardly. "I-I think I'll go get those things together and, uh, I'll check by later," Cassandra said and withdrew.

Leliana was glaring over at me. She cleared her throat after a moment and said, "You should know that the evacuation has begun." She paused and then left after a choked out, "thank you".

I made to move then, and Solas released me. _See, told you it was just a dream._ I stood and stretched out, rubbing at my face with my hands for a bit. He merely sat there on the bed watching. I paused and considered before talking. "It would seem I'm already becoming more trouble than I'm worth," I stated. He rose then and turned me to face him, blue fire flecks shimmering in his grey eyes as his hands gripped my shoulders.

"Those words will never grace your lips again," he stated, though it seemed more a demand.

"Contest it?" I challenged weakly. The challenge glared through his eyes.

"Hurting, hungering, haunted, the pain won't still, still burrowing deeper." The voice appeared just before Cole did, though I could only hear him behind me. He reached down and took my hand and I broke my gaze with Solas to look over at him. "Please, I can help you forget," Cole offered.

"No, Cole," I said slowly. "I will find another way. My memories are me and I couldn't be me without them," I stated.

"How can I help?" he asked.

I smiled weakly and turned to him as Solas dropped his hands to his sides. I took Cole's face in my hands and looked up into bright blue eyes. His eyes always reminded me of the clear sky back home. "You help by being here, Cole. I don't need you to do more than just be here."

"I help by being?" Cole asked.

"Yes," I said. "You help by being."

He grinned then. It was never something I could explain in the game, and I sure couldn't explain it now but Cole smiling at me always eased the tight pains through my chest, even if only a little. After a moment, I turned to Solas. "I'm going to go down to the lake for a bit. I need the water."

He looked puzzled a moment and then nodded. Cole smiled. "I'm going to help Felicia," he said.

I smiled at him and released him. "Go." He disappeared and Solas and I walked in silence down to the water. When we arrived, he stepped to the frozen edge and laid a single palm to the ground. From where he sat out into the lake the water defrosted and the ice on top melted in and disappeared. After a few moments, he stood and turned to me.

"It should be warm enough now not to endanger you," he stated.

I smiled sadly up at him. _His burden_. "Thank you," I whispered and reached for the belt and loosed it. He raised an eyebrow but said nothing else as I pulled the tunic over my head and the pants dropped to the ground. As I placed the tunic on top of them, the Commander came sliding down the hill.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asked. "You'll freeze to death out here."

"She will be fine, Commander," Solas responded before I could. "She wished to bathe. Leave her be," he ordered. The Commander glared at Solas a moment then reached out and took my hand looking down at me.

I looked up at the giant with a puzzled expression. "Please be careful," he urged. "I-I'd like the chance to thank you when all of this is over." I nodded and said nothing. He smiled, released me and left.

"Most strange creature that one," I mumbled as I pulled the shirt over my head and set it with the other garments, then walked out into the water. He'd heated it to almost a luke warm and I smiled back at him. He was glaring, but inclined his head in acknowledgement before I sunk under the water.

[[["Living, laughing, never leaving. The water has always been my best friend, my only lover. Oh _please_, wash away the pain as you always have," Cole spoke as he appeared beside Solas.

"She's out there," Solas said, watching her swim about like a fish only coming up for air every few minutes.

"You don't need to hurt. She has no interest in the Commander," Cole stated boldly as he too watched.

Solas scoffed. "I suppose." _It’s like she doesn't even know, like she doesn't want to believe. She is _mine!

"You will need to show her outside of the Fade if you want her to believe it." Cole's statement shook him. "She knows the Fade is mutable to her feelings. She won't believe anything that happens there until she is sure of what actually is and not just what maybe-is."

Solas sighed. "You weren't here for her?"

Cole smiled at him. "I'm not just here for her," he said.

"Something to consider," Solas agreed with a light smile as he watched her surface and float, her chest pressed high only drawing more attention from others. He growled inwardly. He would need to speak with her...soon.]]]

Nothing will ever ease as much as the open waters. Swimming was my escape for a while. It served double function most times; besides easing the ache, it also further enhanced muscles I desperately needed to stay strong. I swam about for a while, then rose to the surface and floated for a bit. Even the water couldn't purge the images in my mind. The images of Solas saying those things. I still wasn't really sure which was the real Solas. The thoughts hurt. What if, even if it wasn't the real Solas, what if that's really what he thinks? What if I really am being that stupid to wish for it?

[[["No," Cole declared after a few moments of watching her float. Solas glanced at him. "Fight," Cole urged staring intently at her.

Solas looked back out and even from that distance watched the color drain from her. _Dammit! _Solas stepped forward and began casting ice under his feet as he walked out to her. Bath time was over.]]]

The thoughts were terrible to feel, as I began thrashing lightly against the water and the memories. It hurt. I wanted to believe I'd hidden that from him, that he didn't realize how much I felt for him, but regardless of which Solas I wanted to believe was real, that clearly wasn't the case. But a few other things became clearer as well, as I lay with the water blocking all sound.

However it was sliced, my very existence was a danger to him. Either I was alive and his secrets were forever in danger in his mind, or I live and Leliana punishes him for my 'lack of cooperation', or I disappear and he is sentenced to death as a conspirator. My life was his biggest obstacle in my mind then. _I will not let this be. If I am the problem_, I thought as I pooled power at my feet, lifting the water above the pool. _Then let us end it._ I froze the massive ice spike in mid-air and directed it downward, meaning to stick me to the bottom of the water with it. No magic to fix it, no chance of survival, no chance I could continue to be a danger to him.

The spike dropped two centimeters before it shattered into tiny crystals plopping into the water everywhere. I looked up surprised to see Solas standing not three feet from me as the water on that side began cooling quickly. His hand was extended in front of him as he stood there. I looked down and saw that he had frozen a path as he'd walked out and now glared down at me with an intensity I would never understand. He continued the freezing then as he walked out to beside me, the watering cooling around me as he approached. He stopped above me and extended his hand down to me. No words were spoken, but he would suffer no refusal at the moment and that was only too obvious.

I accepted the hand and he pulled me effortlessly out of the water to stand beside him for a moment before I was across his chest and he was walking back to the shore. I wasn't sure what had set him off exactly but anger radiated in thick waves off of him. He barely paused to slide a foot under my clothing and jerk it upwards slightly, then move forward. The clothes landed directly in my lap, covering most of me. I thought he would stop then to allow me to dress, but he marched on, same pace up the steps, passed all onlookers. It was usually Cassandra that everyone cleared the way for her thunder cloud expression, but when anyone saw him carrying me back, they made way. I didn't look up, I didn't need to to know he held that scowl on his face.

We reached his hut and he kicked the door open then stepped inside. He slid me to my feet by the fireplace, then in seconds, lit the fire, kicked the door closed and sealed it with barrier blue energy. He didn't turn though. He stayed facing the door, facing away from me. The anger was still drifting off of him, though it seemed to be calmly slightly. I held my clothes to me, truthfully afraid to move, and he stood nearly motionless, save the flickering of eye color, glaring at the door.

Finally, I could take no more. "Which was real?" I asked quietly. He looked back at me in confusion a moment then the anger doubled.

"What?"

"This morning, in the Fade," I began and looked away. "I still can't find the real one. Which was real," I asked again.

He drew in a heavy breath and stalked over to me, yanking my chin up to meet a flaring blue gaze. "Real?" the word was a series of questions that hit me all at once. How could I believe, how could I doubt, what madness would make me think, but over them all, how could I.

"I," I started. "I didn't mean to offend you with the question." The words barely escaped before he shook my jaw and, beyond my belief, actually glared harder down at me.

"Your _question_," he sneered, "is barely half the problem." He drew a deep breath and released my chin though he held my gaze firmly. "Does it amuse you to have the Commander touch you?" he asked pointedly. I blinked a moment, truly confused.

"The Commander?" I asked.

"Yes, the big blonde giant you called him," Solas snapped.

I paused for a few moments trying to figure out what he was talking about. The Commander, touched me? He took my hand before I went swimming.

"Solas," I began cautiously as I looked up still confused. "Do you mean when," I began, but he nearly snarled and snagged my hand.

"When he was pawing at you like this," he finished on a half growl.

"Solas."

"Does it amuse you?!" he asked dropping my hand as if it'd burned him. I stared up at him trying to understand, when ultimately it clicked.

"No more than being screamed at over one man's truly unnecessary jealousy," I finally answered.

"Unnecessary?" Solas challenged, his anger flaring high.

"Yes," I replied quickly then barreled on. "I have nothing short of disgust for that man, especially since I know far more about him than you do." That gave Solas pause. "I know his 'real' opinion on mages. I know that when he realizes that I can cast, he won't do it again. The man is a mage-hater, has been since the Fereldan Circle went up during the Fifth Blight." I paused to draw breath as I watched part of the fires quench. "I have no interest in any advance he might ever have had." _I've only loved one, and he's the one accusing me of otherwise!_ I glared at him a moment, but that glare broke.

"So explain to me then your efforts in the pond," he added smoothly transitioning and catching me completely off guard.

"Meaning?" I asked.

"You're attempt at suicide with that shard," he stated the anger flaring again. I hurt, Gods I hurt so badly. I was silent for a while as the thoughts replayed.

"I," I began as I looked away into the fire. "I am a danger to you. Whether merely for my secrets or Leliana's vengeance, I am a danger to you. You're path is in jeopardy the longer I'm in it."

"Etunash," he snarled. I moved to look up at him then, but had no time to understand the phrase as both hands gripped my head tightly and pulled me up to him. It was a punishing kiss for a while, desperate and scared, pressed so tight that our teeth clacked together multiple times. When breathe demanded a break, he set back only enough to lay his forehead to mine and kept his eyes closed. After a few moments he spoke. "You are _mine_, Aethien. I do not care for other men touching you, but I care far less for the lines you feed yourself."

"It's true," I began.

"It's garbage," he stated and his eyes shot open. "Did you forget who I am?"

I watched the shifting in gaze for a moment. I would never forget who he was. I loved him for who he was. The painter, the warrior, the mage, the poet, the scholar, the Dread Wolf, everything he was was only one more reason to me to love him as I did. "No."

"Then please explain to me logically why a child shemlin fool should frighten you into an attempt on your own life; a life that belongs to _me_," he declared firmly through gritting teeth. I stared up at him a moment. I desperately wanted to believe what I thought I saw there in his eyes, but...

"I didn't think," I began then paused and sighed. "If I'm your anything, I'm-"

"Don't even think it," he stated spacing each word carefully. He turned my head slightly then and kissed me a second time, but there was no desperation in this one. He was soft, deliberate, and patient. He waited for surrender before caving to the need to slide his hands over my shoulders and down my back. I reached forward to him, placing my hands on his shoulders as his grip caused my balance to sway. I was torn between wanting to push him away for his own safety and desperately wanting him closer.

My nakedness became only too apparent as he grinned against the kiss and gripped my butt, pulling me up against him. Instinctively, my legs wrapped behind him, and he swung us so my back was to the wall by the fireplace. The collision was soft enough, but jarred me just slightly. It took all I could manage not to moan into his mouth. His grin became primal as he leaned his head back only enough to nudge-shove my chin aside to have access to my neck. Each new pressure only sent heat through my whole body, softening my reactions to him and making me only too aware of my own tightness and moisture.

He was methodical though. Solas never did anything without thinking it through, I knew that, but for some reason, it had never occurred to me that _I_ might be one of those things. His left arm slid underneath my legs, holding me slightly higher as the other trailed up my side slowly, gripping in spots, scratching lightly in others. There was no help for my dignity then as I moaned and squirmed against him. His grin against my throat actually made it worse. He cupped one breast in his hand and squeezed me lightly and I collapsed forward against him. He had to be cheating to hit every damn spot, was the only thought that occurred as his teeth grated the tender nerve on my neck that only tightened me more. I could feel my own moisture accumulating between my thighs.

I knew the ache. I was used to easing it myself, but at the moment I would commit high treason to have him ease it for me. Sadly, that was not to be, as when he moved to lower his kisses down my collar bone a heavy knock came to the door. He growled against my skin.

"I'm going to kill whatever is on the other side of that door," he grumbled. I took his face in my hands and smiled at him.

"Or you could just ignore the door," I suggested and leaned in to kiss him. He smiled into the kiss and kissed me back earnestly then, pinning me hard against the wall. I didn't resist that time, moaning into his mouth as the pinning inadvertently knocked me back into the wall again.

The knock came again and I felt the muscles spasm in his mouth as he growled, snapped his head back to shout. I placed my hand over his mouth then and shook my head slightly, still smiling at how primally he was reacting. He had taken great care to present himself to the Inquisition as refined. I wasn't going to ruin that for him. He growled and calmed slightly, as he lowered me to my feet only to wedge me between him and the wall, in a way I could not miss the feeling of him straining against his clothing.

"If you think this will not happen before midnight," he began whispering, centimeters from kissing me. I wanted him to kiss me again. "You are very mistaken," he finished and leaned down to smother me. I caved against him.

The knock came a third time and I watched as it took all his restraint not to blow the door to splinters along with whatever was on the other side. I placed my hand on the side of his face as he fought against the urge. I tried to be encouraging as I smiled up at him. He snorted lightly. "Wrap yourself in the furs. That body is mine," he stated. A shiver ran up my spine as the thought finally started settling in my head. I was the Dread Wolf's mate. I walked uncomfortably over to the bed and wrapped the furs about me, standing out of view of the door.

A half smile was my reward as he schooled his expression back to the patient, reserved apostate. He opened the door with the expression I recognized from hours of game play where I'd just stared at him. The people at Bioware hadn't really done him justice, but I suppose there was only so much they could do with that stupid Frostbite engine that EA had insisted they use. I'd been on the forums enough to know that, but watching as he presented all the wisdom of the ages as if he'd learned it third hand was a wonder to see schooled across his features. Especially, considering his lips were still slightly swollen and there was no amount of schooling going to fix _that_.

"Morning, Solas," came from the other side of the door. That voice I couldn't place and I was puzzled as I tried.

"Good morning, Herald," he replied and I sat shocked.

_ Well_, I thought, _I suppose the Inquisitor wouldn't have the same voice as Shepard. Still, they did wonderful on the other voices. Cullen is a little deeper, and Sera more melodic, but Varric is almost right on. Solas' voice couldn't be mistaken anywhere._ I grinned. _At least not for me_.

His voice drew me back to his conversation. "She is trying to rest. It has been quite the harrowing experience for her."

I couldn't explain, even now, but I acted then and well, I was no master of disguise but faking asleep I had mastered as a way of defense some years back. In so, the half-awake stage was easy enough to play out as I stepped over and leaned into Solas in exhaustion. "What does the man want, hahren?" I asked in a half asleep tone. Solas wrapped an arm around me supporting me against him.

"The Herald had questions for you," Solas replied in their 'common' tongue.

I groaned. "Are they imperative, or may I get a few hours sleep in first?" Solas smiled sympathetically down at me.

"She asks if your questions are imperative, or you could return in a few hours, after she's slept for a bit."

"Nothing too daunting," the qunari at the door said. He was taller even than Cullen. Where his horns had grown in looked filed down and he had flowing dark hair behind his head around them. His brilliant green eyes would be most intriguing to certain women I could think of back home, but the lack of intellect behind them made my stomach turn.

I sighed and snuggled into Solas. "Be quick," I grumbled.

"She asks that you be swift with your questions then, so she may return to sleep."

"Leliana says you know of things you shouldn't," he began and I groan.

"Really?" I began, "This couldn't wait a few hours, to know what all I know of you and your company and your future?"

Solas grinned and cleared it. "She asks why _this_ couldn't wait until later."

The qunari crossed his arms over his chest. "Some of us aren't quite so convinced."

I rubbed my eyes wearily and looked up at him with the most world weary expression I could place, which was only half acting as I was already tired of the doubting questions. "You are Tal-Vashoth, Kossith, to be exact." A quick glance over his shoulders to see the double daggers raised, I knew the rest of the story immediately. "Raised by your mercenary group when they found you. You have never known your parents, as they were killed by the Ben-Hassarath when you were a toddler. Your aptitude for stealth allowed you ranks with them quickly, and ultimately you took second to command under Shokrakar. Your group accepts any Tal-Vashoth for protection, but only those skilled join the fighting units." Solas gripped me slightly and I sighed into him. He recounted what I said in his careful paraphrases.

"And the future?"

I sighed irritably. "That depends on how far you go and the when you are looking from," I answered.

"She says that it would depend on the when you want to look to and from."

"The when?" he asked.

"Adaar," I began, "I am very tired and your questions are beginning to truly irritate me. This can be discussed on the journey to come. If you do not have a specific question you want answered, then let me sleep."

Solas suppressed his grin but barely. "She says, "Adaar", which I am assuming is your name," the qunari's face dropped, "she says she's very tired and that this can be discussed later. And that unless you have a specific question now, to let her sleep."

Adaar shrugged uncomfortably. "Suppose I get a little grouchy too when people wake me up to ask questions. We'll talk when I get back," he said.

"I'm sure we will."

I could have been less sarcastic, but I moved away from Solas yawning largely and climbed into the bed. "She says she is looking forward to it," Solas said.

"Will you be coming with me to seal the Breach?" Adaar asked Solas.

"If you require my aide, I will join," Solas responded as enigmatically as ever.

"We leave within the hour. The Templars are readying their lyrium for it."

"Then I will meet you at the stables shortly," Solas stated. Adaar left then and Solas closed the door with a sigh.

I sat up and smiled over at him. When finally he turned to see me, he cracked a half-grin. "You knew I would have to go with him?" he asked.

"You were there," I paused, "or are going to be." I shook my head a little and looked back up at him. "Some of the 'tenses' are harder to place appropriately."

He smiled and walked over to the bed. "It would seem," he said as he seated himself beside me and drew my hands into his. It shouldn't have been such an intimate action, but it felt extremely intimate. "I will not be able to keep my word for this evening’s events," he finished smiling wolfishly at me.

I grinned then and sat up on my knees, moving so I could sit over his lap. Call it complete impulse generated primarily from intense endocrine reactions. His gaze shifted to a vicious grin as he released my hands to grip my ass possessively and pull me closer. On my knees over him, I was barely taller than him, but I smiled down at him. "Apparently," I began and waited until he looked up with his questioning glance to continue, "You have forgotten one thing, old wolf?" The eyebrow came up. "Anticipation is best extended, and teasing can be such great fun," I said as I went to move off him quickly only to have him jerk me back into him. The primal need flaring in his green-blue eyes made me shiver.

"Isn't it?" he asked with his dominant grin that made my heart pound in my chest.

"I will enjoy the wait," I stated and leaned down just out of reach of his kiss and watched him grind his teeth a moment before his right hand shot up to the back of my head and pulled me hard down into his kiss. I had apparently chosen position poorly as when I lowered myself to indulge his kiss, I could feel his cock straining against his pants, and the thought alone made me shiver and tighten again.

He released me after a few moments, and stroked my swollen lips with the tip of his finger. "As will I," he finished. I knew I shouldn't, but I darted my tongue out to lick his finger briefly. He growled and kissed me again, harder, gripping my jaw. He didn't wait that time as his tongue slid into my mouth and he rose and flipped us so I was under him. He rose after a moment and gazed down at me. "I _have_ to leave," he stated and I grinned. I understood only too well and I released my legs from being wrapped behind his and he stood. He didn't move for a moment, only let his gaze rake over me and for a moment I worried he might not leave at all. That would have been difficult to explain.

He groaned and turned finally and opened the chest, removing his standard Inquisition armor. As he clapped it all on, I couldn't help but stare. Comparatively it was extremely ineffective. He raised that eye brow again as he realized I was staring.

"We can discuss it later," I said with a smile and a shake of my head. I rose then and donned my own clothing, worrying to myself how warm it might not be. I shivered for a moment after I pulled the tunic on and belted it.

After a moment of staring into the flames, I felt his arm snake around me. "Until my return," he whispered and kissed my neck. I inhaled sharply which only made him smile against my neck before he released me and left. I sighed after a moment. He would be most displeased.

"You're not doing it to hurt him," Cole reassured as he appeared. "You want to help, help everyone. Wanting, willing, wishing, wandering in the dark. Am I doing the right thing? I'm so sorry, vhenan."

I turned and smiled at Cole. "I have to believe I am," I said as I hugged him.

He hugged me back. "I can," he said and I jarred a little. "You wanted to know if I could look out for him while you followed through," Cole clarified. I smiled and snuggled against him.

"Thank you, Cole," I said then stood back and smiled up at him. "You really are the best friend I could ask for."

He blushed a little then. "There are others I should help in the meanwhile." I nodded and he disappeared. Drawing in a steadying breath, I opened the door to the cabin and stepped out. With one last look into it as I was closing it, I apologized in my mind, _I'm sorry, Solas. I know you won't like this, but I know what I have to do. I pray to see you again soon. If not, goodbye, Vhenan._


	4. Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trying to be cautious not to disrupt the time line as it was in the game while still trying to help things progress safer, Athena is brought to face pains she had not anticipated. Memories surface to reveal multiple truths, and Solas is tested to claim what is his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story contains massive spoilers for the game. Please note, that if you are reading, I take no responsibility for ruining game plot you haven't gotten to yet.  
Also, I use multiple songs within the story. I do not claim ownership to these songs. All copyrights belong to the original authors. (I'm just a huge fan :P)

Chapter 4: Mine

I wandered through the nearly abandoned town of Haven until I found the Northern catapult. I traced the steps away from that to find the entrance the Herald would have to use to escape the avalanche. I loosened the boards lightly and slid down, resetting two of the boards loosely. _Now when he falls, it won't hurt as bad and he should be able to make his way to exit faster_.

I rubbed my hands against each other for a moment, feeling the sweat rub off. It was freezing down here, but I knew what came next. I walked the path slowly, stealthfully, listening. I knew there was a bend, one small chamber ahead that was only too easy to almost drop into and that would be catastrophic. I heard it after a moment; the unnaturally hissing. I paused, said a brief prayer to my Gods, and readied myself. I stepped around the bend with the image of the spell I wanted in mind. These were ice creatures, despair demons, consumed in their cold loneliness, so as I turned, I loosed an arched blast of fire from myself out to the walls. They sizzled into nothingness, but while the spell had the intended effect, it also nearly sealed the exit the Herald would have to use to escape. I sighed. The roof of the cavern was obviously stone, coated in ice. _That'll do._ I inhaled and drew on those translucent fibers hard. When I felt sure of the level, I released the heat slowly then towards the exit itself, melting down the ice until only a single icicle hung over the exit and the lining of cave re-frosted over as I finished. I paused staring at it a moment as a severe sense of deja vu hit me.

I shook my head and pressed onward to the outside. I noted the trail that the others that had already been evacuated out the pilgrim's path and smiled. This should work out better. I returned then and tucked myself back in the first chamber against a wall. I had never imagined how using that much energy could drain me. I decided then to rest briefly before the 'fun' began.

I woke to the rumbling in the stones, wide awake and on my feet instantly. I placed a barrier across the ground immediately where the Herald should land and apparently just in time as he crashed through the remaining two boards to bounce on it and come to his feet, hands out to his sides for balance.

He looked around dumbfounded. I bowed slightly and gestured for him to lead to the exit. He looked at me for a moment. I knew he wouldn't understand me, so instead, I gave a rushed shooing motion as I sighed. He shook his head and began walking and I followed a few steps behind. The cave was clear but still took some time to walk through, but as we reached the exit, he turned and thanked me. I nodded and shooed him on up the path, to which he grinned. The storm was only really beginning so visibility was a lot better than it had been when I had played through this part in the game. His left hand kept twitching and sparking all the same, which made him uncomfortable, but he pressed on.

The harder winds only really began in the last leg of our journey so while I could hear his chattering teeth against the frozen winds, I knew, he would be much better off for the conversations to come. As we crested the final mountain and saw the fires below, he grinned and began his half walk, half slide down to them.

"It's him." "It’s the Herald." "Thank the Maker." I heard them even from here, atop the mountain. I made no move to join them.

_Not my place_, I thought and smiled down at the lights. From here, the lights diffracted against the fresh snow beautifully in orange and yellow hues that made the small valley almost appear to house tiny suns. The thought made me smile sadly. Then I returned my attention to those greeting their Herald and my face stiffened. The Commander was walking up to me. _Time to go._ I sighed and turned away, back into the storm.

"Sathan!" That was not the Commander's voice and I froze. My heart broke in my chest. I needed to move, needed to leave them be. If I remained things could detour from where they needed to be, events that needed to happen.

_I'm so sorry, Solas_, I thought then as I forced my legs to move. The Commander was nearly up the hill then.

"Hold," he called. I looked back over my shoulder as I felt the tear run down my cheek to sting in the cold. I shook my head and faced forward then.

"Wounded, wanting, desperately wondering, what did I do? Why did she leave?" Cole's questions wrenched my heart and despite my resolve, I could not move then.

"Cole," I tried to say.

"He hurts, wondering why you left, why you leave now. He can see you high up here. Why does she turn away? Did I push too hard, assume too much? Does she not...? Please, Cole, please tell her to come home."  
_Home._ That thought broke my will to move and the resolve dissipated into the snow as the Commander approached from behind.

"Will you not join us?" Cullen asked politely.

I could not speak, my mouth clogged with tears I dare not shed.

"Hurting and haunted," Cole said sadly, taking my hand then and looking me in the eye, despite my efforts to look away. "I can help, he can help. Let us make it okay," Cole pleaded.

I wanted so badly to break then, to cry and sob against his embrace, but I straightened my shoulders and placed my other hand to Cole's cool cheek. "I cannot risk it," I told him.

"Risk what, vhenan?" I squeezed my eyes shut. Two heart beats, then three.

"Solas," I breathed through a gasping breath I was trying so desperately to hold. Moments passed then in the cold. I dared not open my eyes, I could not face him and Cole; I'd break like so fine of a glass.

Finally, I heard Solas say, "All is well, Commander. Cole and I will escort her down."

"Oh," Cullen began and shook himself, "of course." Then his attention turned back to me and I felt the heat on my back then of his gaze. "We'll look forward to thanking you in person. All of us." With that the crunch of his boots on the snow withdrew. I did not move, I dared not move.

"You don't have to hide," Cole said gently. "We can still make it all work like it should."

_Cole_.

"Vhenan?" Fear, doubt.

_Gods, please don't let my actions hurt him this way._

He sighed after a moment. "Ahnsul ma'vara? Will you at least answer that? Why did you leave, ma vhenan? Sathan," he pleaded. I felt the tears fall then stinging down my face.

"It hurts so bad, ripping, shredding, tearing at my heart to him push away. I love him so, but I cannot stay yet. Not time. I should not have encouraged this. I don't want to hurt him, oh Gods, please." My eyes popped open as I realized I wasn't just thinking that, but that Cole was announcing it. I swallowed hard, looking off into the forest. I heaved breaths in for a few moments before I felt the warm hands on my shoulders.

I squeezed my eyes closed as I felt the tears line my face, cold and stiff. I should have run, I should have moved. _Dammit, what's wrong with me? I know what has to happen tonight and I know they are all a bunch of superstitious fools. If I go down there, it is me they will celebrate, me they will try to pin with the title Inquisitor and that will fuck the entire timeline. I cannot. _

"Please understand, Solas, I cannot." It was all I got out before his arms encircled my chest and all I had left of will dissipated. I cried against his arms. Cole hugged us both and I cried. It hurt. I shouldn't, I should be leaving. This was not safe, not wise.

"It's not helping," Cole whined as he stood up right, his gaze over my shoulder.

Solas' voice was wise and calm as usual. "No, Cole," he said, "it is. She is afraid, alone. She is not sure where to turn for help, so she isolates herself further." A pause and the heat of a stare on my back. "It is hard to accept help at times, even when we know we should for those with too much pride."

Cole looked confused.

"Think of it as helping her to realize that it’s okay to be loved," Solas finally said. Cole smiled and hugged us again.

"Yes," he said against my ear. "It is okay to be loved, okay to help."

I could not tell you how long I wept against them, fighting myself, but ultimately I seemed to cry myself out. I laid between them for a while after that, accepting their warmth, their love for me, regardless of the thoughts I had of not 'deserving' it.

"Love is not deserved," Cole said as the thought crossed my mind. "It is given, like a flower or kiss. It is not merited like a treat, but openly given like a hug. Even a hug to a spirit," he said smiling down at me.

I smiled sadly then. I could not justify it in my head, why this perfect being of compassion would be so understanding to me, but I suppose that was his point. I had no right to judge why he might do anything.

"It is the same with him," Cole finally said.

I hiccupped on the pain. _Please don't let me hurt him._

"Then don't leave him again," Cole said as if it were only obvious.

"Well put," Solas whispered from behind me. His warmth was always welcome and after my cry I could lose myself in it too easily but I fought my heart.

"Solas." It was a broken voice that met the word swiftly.

"Enough, Vhenan. Hush," he said as he snuggled my hair into my neck. Comfort beyond understanding, hope.

_Shouldn't hope!_

"Why?" Cole asked sadly, cocking his head to the side to look down at me. "Why shouldn't you hope? No one can live forever without it."

"I do not seek to live forever, Cole," I replied as I felt fingers tense on my shoulders as Solas held me tighter yet.

I felt him snuggle closer then. "I cannot lose you again, will not. Sharp, sickening, stabbing. Won't do it again. Whatever the cost."

"Hush, Cole," Solas prompted, and I realized Cole had been doing to him what he does to me.

"Solas," I began.

"Shh," he ordered and kissed the base of my ear. "Not yet, not now." This was not the time for discussion; he'd hear none of it.

"Cool, calming, caressing. You’re here now, and that's all that matters. I honestly thought I'd lost you, disappeared into the world. Forever gone without trace or hope." Cole's words echoed around us as he snuggled closer. "Never again."

"Cole," he said on a strained note.

"Sorry," Cole replied and stood back. "It might be better if I helped the others now." He seemed mildly embarrassed. I smiled sadly up at him, my blue skies in these blizzard-clouded fields. He smiled earnestly then, and then disappeared.

With that, Solas pulled me tighter to him. I could feel his armor pressed into the tunic on my back. He steadied his breath for a few minutes, where all I could hear was the blizzard before me and his breathing by my ear. His head straightened off my shoulder then and I knew he was ready to talk and dreaded it. "Aethien?"

I closed my eyes and went to turn in his arms only to have him yank me back into him to bury his face in my shoulder. The moisture was surprising at first but as I registered it, I jarred hard against the pain.

"Why?" he finally asked after he'd calmed a moment. "A wolf does not give their heart lightly, vhenan. Why would you do that?"

A hundred responses tried to form on my tongue in the next few moments and all died soundlessly. "Solas," I said and he tucked his head closer to my shoulder. "I-You would-I had to do things, things that you would never have been alright with me doing on my own. I knew that. I had to be here, to guide the fool of a qunari up the hill. I had to clear the demons from the cave he fell in, or he might not have made it. I had to," I heaved a breath, as tears formed again in my eyes. "I cannot tell you, ma vhenan, how it hurts, how much it eats at me to have you hurting like this. I have never meant you pain. Solas, please," I pleaded as I fought him to turn in his arms. He allowed it only after he realized what I was doing. The moment I could, I slid my hand up past his ear and leaned up to him.

The kiss was a starving kiss, a kiss you only have when you have missed someone so terribly that your only solace is to warm it away by pressing closer, stealing tastes more desperately with each move. He was my water, and I had never been so parched, but it was not just me. His hands slid, one to the back of my head and the other around my lower back, pressing me only closer.

All else faded in my mind then. There was nothing but him, his hands, his mouth, his tongue; the warmth of his skin under my hands as I held him closer. I needed him too deeply perhaps but I could no more have stopped that than the sunrise tomorrow. Lost in him, time was meaningless, but finally after some time I could never put in terms, the desperation slowly died down. I had him in my arms and he me. As the desperation faded, he settled his forehead to mine and lay there, eyes closed just holding me to him as I re-memorized every inch of his face.

"Please don't ever do that again," he begged as he opened eyes near tears again.

The look broke me inside. "Solas," I began.

"Promise me, vhenan," he said looking up into my eyes finally. There was no command there, just a heart-sick, desperate plea.

I paused as I thought on where in the time lines it might be necessary and I realized that there was another time that I would not be able to keep that promise. "Solas," I began.

"Promise me," he begged as the single tear escaped his control.

"Please hear me, vhenan. I hate the thought of the pain you suffer for this, but I," I began, and sighed. "For most of our time together, I could make that promise, but," I staggered. I couldn't get it out. The words kept forming and failing on my tongue.

"But?" he finally asked, his eyes echoing levels of pain I could never have imagined.

I tried, several times, and then squeezed my eyes shut and sighed. "There," I swallowed, "there will be another time," I sighed. "Another time where I will need to be away, where I will need to interfere directly. I cannot make you the promise, because I will break it. Please, Solas," I begged looking down at the stupid collar of his armor. "Please understand." He was silent for a while before his hand behind my head affixed to my neck, his thumb lifting my jaw till I looked up at him.

"Tell me," he requested, then shaking his head added, "I won't ask why or where, but please," he clung to me then, tucking my head against his collar bone, "please don't make me worry like this again. I thought I'd lost you forever." His tear hit my cheek and I nodded against his collar.

"I-I can do that," I finally choked out. A wolf does not bind to a mate lightly, and I knew better. I shivered then, and he turned, to guide us down to the camp below. I froze. I shouldn’t be there, I knew I shouldn’t. I shook my head a moment. “Solas.”

In one swift, smooth motion that hardly seemed to slow his step, he turned, reached back, swung me across his chest and continued his walk down. The shock of what happened wore off after a moment and I went to look up, to argue with him over the idiocies of bringing me into that camp now, but my words never reached my throat.

“If now is not the time, then I’ll not hear it, Vhenan. You belong to me, _with_ me,” he stressed never taking his eyes off the path before us. “I’ve been separate from you long enough.”

_Solas_, my mind pleaded, and then I sighed as I relaxed back against his arms. He was in no mood for a debate, and I felt over exhausted from the cold and cry. _I did not mean to hurt him, but it seemed my absence pained him almost as bad as me._ I froze in thought there a moment. _“A wolf does not give their heart lightly”. _I looked up at him then and studied his features a moment as I thought, _Perhaps I am more wolf than I thought._ I smiled lightly then and snuggled down against the irritating armor. The thought made me chuckle.

“What is it, Aethien?” he asked lightly.

I smiled up at him then, a truly amused smile. “Just a thought,” I said. He hazarded a glance down. “Looking forward to getting you out of the stupid armor.”

He chuckled then returned his gaze to the path, a smile still touching his lips.

I cleared my throat after a moment and he raised an eyebrow. “I-um, I just realized how very, um, promiscuous,” I coughed, “that, uh, sounded.”

He chuckled, a different much darker sound. “You’ll have to forgive me if I took it the way it sounded.” I blushed hard then, remembering the morning before he left to seal the Breach. I felt my whole body flush as I remembered sitting over his lap, just before said stupid armor was there.

I wasn’t very attentive the rest of the way down, to be honest. I heard a few people try to stop to talk to us, but I was shivering (not entirely from the cold) and I don’t think he would have stopped for anything shy of Cassandra’s blade at his throat. He walked, stately, not hurried all the way to his tent and set me on my feet there only long enough to lift the flap and usher me inside. He closed his eyes a moment and I felt the translucent fibers slide by before he expelled them around us. I turned my head in a questioning cock to the side.

“A barrier,” he stated briefly and began loosening the straps of his shoulder gear. I smiled and placed a hand over his.

“You said you wanted the armor gone,” he stated, in a curious tone. I smiled, then pulled his hand away and began loosening the straps myself. I knew them all, but I had no intention of ever telling him that.

I knew every buckle, every metal slip that fit together from his armor, every cloth tie and leather strap and I carefully undid them all patiently. He sat still for the most part, unless he needed to move so I could get to a strap, or buckle. As each piece came loose, I set them all in a careful pile in one corner of the tent before returning to continue.

We silently went through the whole ten minute procedure, him analyzing me, and me too focused to spare time for thought. I could not tell him that I’d wished for and imagined doing just this a hundred times in my own world. I’d even went as far as to ask my only friend to help me fully understand how the armor would or wouldn’t work and how it should and shouldn’t be handled. Leo was an adept at all things medieval and went a bit overboard in the explaining as he actually crafted a makeshift version of it for me as a christmas gift. I’d buried it with him after the car crash last year.

That thought crossed my mind, just as I was placing the last of his armor on the pile and I paused looking down at it. Leo had really been my only friend for so long. I really wasn’t even sure how to try to attain friends here, but that thought got cut off as an arm snaked around my waist and his breath tickled my skin as he asked, “So now what?”

I couldn’t help but chuckle. He was leaving it all to me, no pressure, no influence. “I suppose,” I began with a grin, before another thought hit me and melted the grin away with a sigh. _If he was not out there for the song, if he did not talk to Adaar after, everything would go to shit, or worse_.

“Suppose?” he asked with a brief kiss to my neck. I sighed.

“Much as I would love to indulge in undressing you further, there are things we will need to discuss first, things that are coming up fast, that _need_ to happen,” I stated. “Sadly, I can’t be selfish enough to do what I’d like to,” I mumbled.

“And what is that?” he asked. I looked back over my shoulder at him with a question posed on my tongue. “What would you like to do?” he asked innocently, though his eyes declared anything but innocence.

I smiled gently at him. “That falls under ‘to be continued’,” I stated briefly then turned to face him. “You must be there,” I began and his attention shifted. He hadn’t forgotten what he had in mind, that was clear but I had his full attention. Debate on blood flow for later. “When the camp joins in song, you must be out there. As soon as the song is finished, you must find Adaar and speak with him, separately.” That eyebrow again. I smiled. “It’s imperative, vhenan. You will need to tell him a few things, things they will look into otherwise and find things we don’t need them finding yet.” It was the dread wolf that looked at me then. “You will tell him the Orb that Coreypheus used on him was Elven and ancient foci for magic, and that they used to exist in Arlathan, you don’t need to disclose more than that about it as he’ll likely just make a snide remark about it and let that part go.” Solas nodded. “You will need to be a guide for him after this, but put him at the front.” I sighed. “I could quote to you what you said, will say, but it is best if it come from you. Coreypheus’ attack has brought together a squabbling people, use that to get him to agree and direct him to Skyhold.” He didn’t like that. “It’s a place that they can rebuild, a place you know better than any of them, but it’s a place for the Inquisition to grow and build and be, that you can access at any time and will leave you the upper hand in the battles to come.” He quirked a half-grin. “Yes, I’ve thought it all through and yes this is what must happen, what would have happened had I not been here. _Please_, vhenan. This _must_ happen.”

“Alright,” he agreed, taking my hands in his a moment then smiling down at me. “Another part of your trilogies?”

“The next part doesn’t happen if not and I don’t want to imagine how that could affect _everything_ to come.”

“Then it will be as you say,” he said and I sighed in relief, desperately trying to ignore how alive him just running circles on my hands with his thumbs made me feel. “How long do we have?” he asked. I couldn’t help but look up questioningly then. He smiled. “Until they start singing?” he added.

“Oh,” I said and thought for a moment before reconnecting gazes with him, “he won’t need to take so much time healing this time, so at most an hour, that is if that is how time is measured here in Thedas,” I added after realizing I could very well have just been speaking Greek.

“We use hours, yes,” he said on a grin and lifted my hands to his lips. “Hmm,” he thought still holding my hands there a moment, his breath tickling the skin. “Not much time,” he mused, then looked into my eyes. Primal and hungry. “But then,” he said as he shifted the grip of both hands to one of his, lifted my hands above his head, stretching me out against him as he did so and slid the other hand behind me. “It has been far too long.” He finished that in a need-driven growl, leaning down, and sealed the statement with a kiss. The movements on their own had gotten my body to heat slightly and my muscles to clench tight. I’d always hated that feeling, the impossible clenching that just made my whole body ache, but I had no time for focusing on hating anything as his tongue slipped into my mouth and I had to put my entire will behind not moaning into his mouth.

His need to be dominant with his kisses, the pull of my hands higher as he gripped and massaged in parts of my sides and back and butt left my will little chance but to keep my voice down. His touch anywhere was nearly electric through me and it was all I could do not to be vocal about it. The squirming, couldn’t be helped. The wanting became overpowering, not so painful as just all-consuming. My twisting in his grip only caused him to grin into the kiss.

Finally he lifted his head to smile down at me. Briefly I heard the yelling outside. He would have to go soon. I groaned and his smile became an outright grin as he brought my hands down. “A taste of things for later,” he said as he released me. “It would seem sense might be needed out there shortly.”

“It will,” I agreed regrettably.

He took my chin in his hand and made me meet his eyes. “Anticipation, you called it,” he added on a grin.

“Indeed,” I half growled through a grin.

His smiled dissipated then and it didn’t take much to figure out why.

“I will be here when you return,” I told him as his eyes wandered. He smiled back at me then.

“I am unused to others reading me so well. Have I lost my touch?” he asked pulling me to him as Cassandra’s voice echoed through the valley.

“We must do _some_thing.”

I sighed. “They’ll need you soon.” I stepped out of his grip then. “Go,” I urged. “I’ll be near here, when you return.”

“Near?” he asked.

“I will hear their song,” I said with a smile. “I enjoy the meaning to this particular song, even if it is directed to a Maker that never existed.” He smiled.

“I will have you tonight?” he asked, gripping my chin in his hand. I leaned up and kissed him briefly before answering.

“All yours,” I said on a whisper. I watched as he half growled as his duty compelled him forward. He kissed me quickly and walked out of the tent, just as… 

“‘Shadows fall, and hope has fled’,” Giselle began in her alto-tenor. I smiled and listened as they continued. The harmony of the many voices of the game was not quite what happened. Leliana’s soprano was easy to find at first as she adjusted the tone to harmonize, but some apparently had _no_ idea what harmony was and their voices belted out sounds that were far from harmonious. I chuckled.

_They do try_, I thought as they reached the end of the song. _I hope he listened_, I pleaded to myself as all returned to their duty.

“They are speaking now,” Cole told me as he appeared in the tent.

I smiled at him, then a frown half won as a thought hit me and I looked up at him.

“The Chancellor is well,” Cole assured me. I grinned then.

“Best friend I could ever hope for,” I told him again. He stepped to me and took my hand a moment.

“Would you sing for me?” he asked. I jerked upright for a second. Deep and hidden I’d kept that, but I suppose it would surface listening to that song again. I sighed and thought.

“Not here, Cole. When we are in Skyhold, I will sing for you. I would just rather be somewhere I know I have the room, where I won’t disturb anyone.”

“You sing better than you believe you do,” he stated.

I grinned. “Skyhold,” I affirmed.

“What about humming?” he asked with a sad face.

“You hurt, Cole?” I asked concerned.

He hung his head. “I-I have not been able to help as many as I want to. Just can’t be everywhere at once,” he admitted sadly. I cupped his cheeks in my hands and smiled up at him.

“Come sit with me,” I said, agreeing then that I would sing, if quietly, to him here. He smiled sadly and followed. As I sat on the bedroll, he stretched out and laid his head on my lap. “I-uh, I don’t know many songs of this world, but.”

“Just sing please,” Cole asked, eyes closed and snuggled close.

I heard the violin background in my mind as I heard the song I’d dreamed of singing him before and smiled lightly.

“A naoidhean bhig, cluinn mo ghuth-” the words just came then, regardless of being in Gaelic. My favorite lullaby from Disney’s Brave, I sung him the song twice before he appeared to dose on my lap, so I hummed it one more time to be sure. His contented breathing only helped ease the aches that seemed an almost constant tear in my life here.

Here or back on Earth, I was alone, beyond all rights. I knew Cole would do his best to help wherever he could, but I could honestly say that I never expected him to actually ask me to sing for him. I had done precious little singing since my father’s funeral; part of me even doubted I could anymore. Mom had tried a few times to get me to sing at school or for the family, but I would usually find a reason not to and go somewhere quiet to cry it off.

I smiled down at Cole’s sleeping form, careful to cock my head to the side so my hair wouldn’t wake him as it fell by my shoulders. I had imagined singing to Cole before, reading or playing the game a hundred times. It was my way of easing him in my mind when I read. I ran my hand by his hair to push it from his face as I finished the final notes of the song for the third time.

“Beautiful.” The word made my head snap up and I stared at the open tent flap. The Commander was half hunched over as if he’d meant to come through. I breathed a steadying breath, and nudged Cole slightly as I turned to face Cullen.

“Can I help you, Commander?” I asked.

“Still can’t speak common, huh?” he asked. It was likely meant to be a joke, but I did not find it funny and the glare I threw at him made that apparent. “I-uh, I was coming by because I,” he began.

“Commander.” The word from behind him only brought acute relief as I saw Solas over his shoulder. “Is there something you need from _my_ tent?” Solas asked coldly. Cullen straightened and turned to face the alpha glare.

“I was merely coming to thank the young lady for her efforts,” Commander Cullen stated as he squared his shoulders to stare down his five centimeters at Solas. The height difference didn’t seem to faze Solas in the slightest, to the point he didn’t even incline his head to continue the glare.

“She’s heard you,” Solas stated without breaking the glare. Silence held for a moment.

“I’d speak with her, if that’s alright with _her_,” Cullen stated without moving.

“Goodnight, Commander,” I said, my hand still paused through Cole’s hair. It did not take a genius to look through the tent flap and see that it was nearly midnight.

Solas’ smile was cold and confident. “She says goodnight, commander,” he echoed. Cullen stood there another moment before nodding slightly and walking off. Solas watched him leave, no different than I would expect an alpha to behave. I smiled up at him as he turned to face me.

“Impeccable timing, vhenan,” I said as he stepped into the tent. He looked down at Cole then.

“Will he be joining us for the night?”

“No,” Cole said as he sat up, full awake and I grinned. “I feel better, thank you,” he said.

“We’ll speak again soon. Good night, Cole,” I said as he stood. He grinned and disappeared. Solas froze a moment looking at me.

“You help Cole as if he were just another person,” Solas stated.

“Isn’t he?” I asked as I stood.

Solas shook his head and took my hands in his as I got close enough. “But you know he’s a spirit.”

“And what difference does that make?” I asked. He smiled at me.

“None, I suppose. Just refreshing,” he said as he leaned down and kissed me. It was innocent enough, a welcome back. He leaned up after that and set his forehead to mine. “I’m going to have to do something about Cullen, I think,” he finally said.

I chuckled. “No need,” I told him. He tried to glare down at me but I smiled up at him. “Let the man look all he wants,” I said pulling my hands from his to place them on either side of his face. “If he ever tries to touch, I’ll sizzle him into little commander pieces,” I finished as I claimed a much less innocent kiss. He groaned and wrapped his arms behind my back, pulling me flush to him. I broke the kiss ultimately when breath demanded it and snuggled against his chest, his head rested on my head. “I am yours, ma Lath, for as long as you wish it.”

He chuckled and set me back slightly to stare straight down into me. “Careful what you offer, vhenan,” he warned. I smiled up at him, daring him to say it, say that I hadn’t considered those words. He grinned. “But you know what you want,” he stated on that grin.

I smiled confidently up at him then. “Indeed I do,” I confirmed after a moment.

“That’s two things you have to tell me then,” he stated with a predatory smile. It was my turn to raise an eyebrow. “First, exactly how long do you wish to remain with me,” he said as he set both hands to my sides and began running his thumbs over my ribs through the cloth. Before I could answer, he continued, “And what is it you wanted to do earlier; no more ‘to be continued’,” he quoted.

I smiled earnestly then. I knew better than to drop words then. Solas was likely to take anything that came from my mouth as earnestly as if it were laced with magic. _Magic?_ The thoughts again, I shook my head a moment. “Vhenan?” I looked up and he looked far less predatory and more than slightly concerned.

“Lost myself in thought a moment,” I told him.

“Not good thoughts by the look on your face,” he stated.

I smiled and leaned up to kiss him. He permitted it but did not encourage it further. I moved away and without opening my eyes I said, “You’ll have your answers first?” I opened my eyes then and his mouth was partly open as if he’d intended to speak but instead he grinned.

“Not nice, vhenan, reading a man’s thoughts.”

I smiled, and then looked seriously up into that green-blue gaze. “I meant what I said, Solas. I am yours for as long as you want it.” He went to speak and I pressed a finger over his mouth. “There is nothing you could say or do that will sway that opinion, lin’or Ma Vhenan. I meant it, or I wouldn’t have said it.” He paused and I looked down at his chest then for a moment and smiled lightly. “As for your other question, I find I’d rather show you,” I added as I raised only my eyes to meet his. The predatory smiled resurfaced, but while Solas was a warm-blooded man, he would not be so easily distracted from the seriousness of a conversation and his eyes swore we’d finish this later.

I moved my finger from his lips then and leaned up to kiss him, but I had forgotten how very quick he was as hands that a second before had been on my sides, grabbed either side of my head and kissed me with a depth of passion I had never dreamt. His needs, his passion overflowed from him into me like a reservoir and I felt a touch on feelings deeper than any expressed through any form of literature ever. The thought struck me then; he held his emotions in check because they dwarfed others so enormously they would be viewed as dangerous at best.

While I can honestly admit that I had not expected the intensity of that overflow, I had meant what I said and I willed my body, my will itself to suck down that overflow like a desert sucks down a mist of rain as I closed my eyes and leaned up into him.

He groaned into my mouth and the dam broke. He didn’t bother holding back then and I felt the brunt of all his emotions, the millennium of loneliness, of grief, of his self-flagellation as he woke, of the pain when he’d held the body of his best friend, of the suffering that had caused the creation of the Veil. I nearly drowned in it for a moment, before I remembered my own will and again willed it all within. I felt his strength echoing back, felt where his resolve stemmed from and in its center I found the wolf, tired of living alone, tired of fighting everything, everyone. He would if it were necessary, that’s what the lone wolf does after all, but I reached out then with my own will to soothe the creature before me and felt the eyes of his soul turn to mine.

Words will never describe what occurs between souls, but all that could be said even close was a will, a desire and statement, ‘not alone anymore’. The kisses slackened slowly then to a gentler one, a need but not nearly so desperate of one; a kiss that was more a balm on souls long burned. I wrapped my arms behind his neck as he held me to him. I will never be able to tell how long we stayed like that, wrapped close, kissing gently, but no less earnestly, drawing in breaths between movements of lips that did not wish to part otherwise.

At some point, he leaned in slightly, kissing down my jaw to nuzzle tight against my neck. I have always been more animalistic in nature so the gesture was not wasted as I curled my neck around to snuggle my face to the side of his. _A balm, indeed_, I thought as I felt him hold me there to him. I was his, his desert wind to take the torrent, his cool hand to ease the burn of thousands of years of desolation. But, I was _his_, the one he would protect to his dying breath, the one that would be shielded from all he could shield me from. As a sword and its sheath we were parts of the same and safer, happier to have the other. A binding beyond word or will.

I smiled gently then as I pulled myself up higher to snuggle closer. He chuckled briefly but before I could ask what about, the hands that had been wrapped around my back slid under my upper thighs and lifted me against him.

“It is beyond madness,” he stated as he stepped forward and lowered us to his bedroll. As he set me back and I released him slightly, he stared down at me with a love I would only ever be able to barely understand. “I have known you but a few days,” he began. I smiled up at him.

“Perhaps,” I purposely interrupted. “But, I have known of you for years. I know more of you than any save perhaps Asha’bellanar herself,” I stated. He looked sad a moment. My arms released their grip behind his neck and I took his face in my hands. “She is not dead, Solas,” I said on a whisper. I would not risk who might be listening. He looked shocked and I quickly placed a finger over his lips and shook my head. “Not here, ma vhenan,” I urged. “These things can be discussed in places where others will not overhear either of us.” He drew a breath as recognition registered in his eyes. I was protecting both of us and he understood that. He nodded then looked down at me when I didn’t immediately move my fingers from his mouth. “There is much I will need to tell you, Solas, but I have to be careful of how and when,” I stated. He shifted his weight onto his knees and left hand and used his right to draw my hand away from his mouth.

“I understand that, Vhenan,” he stated, then kissed the tips of those fingers, before meeting my gaze again. “I would not have those conversations for this evening in any case,” he stated as he leaned down to kiss me. Maybe eight centimeters were all the distance but before our mouths could touch, the crunch of nearby feet in the snow followed by voices again interrupted him.

Cassandra’s voice came from beside the tent, “Solas, we need to talk.” She was fortunate she could not see the anger flaring in his eyes then.

I smiled at him and whispered, “When we reach Skyhold, I’m pinning _you_ to a wall.” He chuckled and rose. He sighed before responding to Cassandra.

“What is it, Seeker?” he asked.

“Out here,” Cassandra insisted as we both heard Cullen’s voice out there as well.

I rose then and assumed a solemn face. Solas raised an eyebrow before I answered the unasked question, “I’m going with you.” I straightened and met the challenging gaze. “Indefinitely,” I stated. He smirked and nodded his half-agreement.

He stepped forward and held the tent flap open so I could walk through before he followed. “I did not ask for the girl,” Cassandra stated.

“Perhaps not, but for safety until the Hahren has finished teaching me finite control over my magics, I will go wherever he is,” I stated looking up into the disapproving honey-colored eyes.

Solas smiled lightly. “She said, ‘you did not but until I have taught her a better control on her magic, she will remain wherever I am’. This was her choice,” he stated.

Cassandra looked down at me for a moment. “It, would seem the wiser option, now that it is put that way.”

“Magic?” Cullen asked.

“Yes, magic, Commander. Don’t soil yourself,” Leliana said coldly. “We came to ask Solas questions, not for you to jump into another bout of Kirkwall.” Cullen glared at her for a moment before looking away.

“How may I assist, Spymaster?” Solas asked.

“I would know how you learned of this foci, this Orb?” she asked.

“I traveled Tevinter for several years. In several of the ruins there, you can see depictions of Magisters holding such foci. I was curious and drifted deep into the memories of the Fade there. If such an artifact could be saved or taken from this, what, Corephyeus, I believe it would be immeasurably valuable to the Inquisition,” he stated.

Leliana looked at me then. “And you knew of all this?” I nodded, but kept my expression solemn as before. “This was what you were trying to warn us about?”

“Among other things,” I stated.

“She says for the most part,” he stated.

“What other parts are there?” Leliana asked.

“There will be more times, other times I will need to advise or warn. I will find you or Cassandra in those times.”  
“She states that there will be times to come where she will need to find you or Cassandra to advise of other events,” Solas stated.

“Why wouldn’t she come to me?” Cullen asked.

“Don’t get yourself worked up, Commander,” Cassandra stated, the old Seeker coming out. “You obviously started out as _persona non grate_, pushing it now won’t help your cause.”

“There is no point in that cause,” I stated on a half-growl.

“Aethien,” Solas said in a disapproving tone.

Cassandra raised an eyebrow. “What?”

Solas sighed. “She says there would be no point in _his_ cause.”

“And what exactly does she mean by that? She has some manner of issue with the Commander personally?” Leliana asked. I leveled my gaze with the amber gaze of the Commander and remembered the lines that had stuck in my mind over and over. I had never forgotten them, not through Kirkwall, not through all of the Inquisition.

“No! Are you mad?!” I quoted snarling at him then. “You must kill every last one up there! They might all be blood mages!” Then I turned my angry gaze on Leliana. “Sound familiar?”

Solas cleared his throat, “I believe she was quoting.” I glared up at him. “Very well,” he said and then began, “she shouted no and asks are you mad, following it with saying you must kill every last one up there,” Cullen’s face blanched, his eyes round as saucers, “They might all be blood mages,” at which point Cassandra sat bolt upright. He met gaze with Leliana, “then she asked you if it sounded familiar.”

Leliana nodded. “Indeed, it does, from a very horrible time in our lives,” she stated and straightened. “We have all grown since then,” she stated.

“Etunash,” I growled. Solas cleared his throat and I clamped my jaw tight and heaved a steadying breath through my nose.

“What did she say?” Leliana asked.

“Nothing you would like translated, Spymaster.” Leliana glared at me then, but I returned it.

“You, Leliana, have grown and changed and evolved,” I stated then.

“She concedes that _you_ have grown and evolved,” he stated.

“But _that_,” I snarled, until Solas turned to face me. There was mild amusement but a warning in his eyes and the warning was prevalent. I sucked in a hard breath and held it a moment, releasing it slowly and returning my composure, though the anger seethed in me.

“That didn’t sound very complimentary,” Leliana stated.

“She has no love of the Commander. Their meeting has little to do with it,” he stated setting a hand on my shoulder. I calmed visibly then as I felt his proximity easier, like a cool cloth on a fever forehead.

“What did I do to her?” My gaze snapped back to him and the grip on my shoulder tightened slightly. Leliana did not miss it.

“I believe it is less what you did to her directly,” Leliana stated and I breathed an obvious sigh and nodded to the spymaster. “It would seem she holds grudges longer than you do, Commander,” Leliana said with a grin.

“What blood mages?” Cassandra asked Cullen, who looked away.

Leliana spoke for him though. “She was referring to the events of the Fifth Blight, when the Hero of Fereldan saved the mages of the Fereldan Circle Tower.” I nodded again. “Any other reason to dislike the Commander?” she asked conversationally.

“Bethany,” I said. I tried not to make it a snarl but I’m not sure I succeeded.

“Who is Bethany?” Solas asked and Cullen’s gaze snapped back to me.

“Didn’t think anyone would know,” I said in an almost question.

“She asks if you remember this Bethany, Commander,” Solas said.

Cullen’s jaw twitched in the moments of silence that followed that question. “Hawke’s baby sister, yes,” he finally said.

I poured liquid fire into my gaze then, glaring horribly up at him and the grip on my shoulder tightened until the gaze broke and I looked elsewhere, heaving in breaths through my nose to try to calm the anger. My jaw tightened as I stared off into the tracks in the snow, my blood felt like it was boiling through my veins, roaring, filling my ears. My skin suddenly felt warm as if I’d been out in the sun as I thought, _the arrogant, self-righteous bastard wouldn’t even admit it to himself!_

“If you’ve such a problem with me, why not just say it?” Cullen demanded. My gaze snapped back to his then as I felt myself get warmer still.

_Flaming, burning, freezing anger. I would love nothing more than to fry your ass. You won’t say it will you? Won’t admit it? Coward! You won’t admit what happened in the Kirkwall Circle? Coward. Hypocritical, mage hating coward!_ The grip tightened but I could barely feel it, as my body warmed despite the cold about me. _He will hide the fact that he loved a mage, and that the demons in Fereldan used that against him, and twisted it. He’ll hide. And now he sees her, only her, in all mages, but not the girl he loved, no. All mages are demons to this ass. You would kill them all now if you could, wouldn’t you?_

“Control,” Solas shouted and I snapped hard back into a body that was freezing and much smaller.

“What?” I asked. I was breathing hard then, like I’d been running uphill. He tucked me up against him, where none of them could be seen.

“It’s alright now, Aethien. It’s alright,” Solas said as he held me there. After a moment, Solas said, “Make quick your questions, or write them down for me for later.”

Cassandra stepped into my view then and I could feel him stiffen. She looked at me a moment then smiled and sighed. “She’ll be alright. I, uh,” she looked away a moment, “I have something, I took it before we left Haven. I-uh-I will bring it to you before we pack camp in the morning. Solas says you like books,” she finished finally looking back up at me. I nodded against his chest. “Good.”

Leliana spoke then. “One last question, are we in immediate danger here?” I wasn’t sure who that was addressed to but since Solas did not speak for a moment, I decided I would need to.

“We should not remain, but we have a few hours before we will need to leave,” I stated.

“She says that we should have a few hours before we will need to leave.”

“Thank you,” Leliana said, “both for the information and for the lives of my people.” I nodded against his chest again, as when I went to move, he held tighter.

Cullen stormed off and Cassandra shook her head. “Well, at least he’ll stop the advances,” she said. I tried not to growl noticeably. “I will see you in the morning,” she said looking into my eyes. I tried to smile at her. She nodded and left then I shivered against the cold.

We stepped back into the tent and he released me to secure the tent flap. I didn’t wait though. I settled myself onto the bed and tried to think. It was dangerous to lose my temper like that and I knew it but I wasn’t really sure what had happened. Solas sat on his haunches in front of me for a moment before I could voice my question. “What, happened?” I asked looking up at him. I was terrified; there was no two ways about that. I knew magic could be dangerous and I knew only that I had it and could light a fire.

He watched our hands as he took my hands in his. “You began to, for lack of better terming to understand, shift,” he stated.

“Shift?”

“Yes,” he said and sighed. “Some mages,” he began before meeting my eyes, “have the capability to,” he paused, “change their shape.” I nodded. Morrigan from DAO could, I’d watched it a dozen times, same with the blood-mages of Dawn of the Seeker. I knew it was a possibility. He sighed again. “The issue, and my true concern in your case, is that you were not _shifting_ into a standard creature.” I was confused then and it must have shown. What the hell was a _standard_ creature? “Most,” he explained, “will take on a simple form, a bird like a raven or sparrow, a spider or even something as complex as a bear once it has been practiced enough,” he stated and paused. It took a moment for me to realize that he was waiting for me to confirm that I followed. I nodded and he continued then. “You were not,” he said, rubbing my hands almost absently with his.

“What do you mean?” I asked. “I thought you said I was shifting?”

“You were,” he stated and hurried on. “But not into a raven, a spider or even a bear.”

He seemed shaken slightly and that on its own was a little frightening, but like the lightning, I had to know. “What then?” I urged. He looked at me a moment as if he were afraid to tell me. “I have to know, Solas,” I stated. He smiled faintly at the memory of those words, and then swallowed hard.

“Most don’t even know the shape well enough to form what should be equivalent to its face, but,” he paused.

_ Please just spit it out_, I thought for a moment.

“Aethien,” he finally said, matching my gaze. “You were shifting into a dragon.”

I closed my eyes and drew in deep breaths then, trying to just control my breathing. I, was, a , WHAT?!! _No, no,_ I warned myself. _Don’t panic, don’t panic. This is why he didn’t want to tell you. Don’t panic. We can handle this. How is another question but we can handle this. That’s why, that’s why the seeker sought my gaze after._ I sighed. _I have to know,_ I told myself. I didn’t bother opening my eyes to ask, “How far?”

“You were only just stretching off the ground above me,” he said in a consoling tone, “but the shape was already forming.”

_That’s why it felt like I was slung back into a smaller body_. I sighed. _A dragon. Okay. So,_ I paused then as another thought hit me and it escaped my mouth before I could tamp it down. “Doesn’t it take an extraordinary amount of magic ability, let alone knowledge to shift into something that, that gianormous?” I asked as my eyes came open.

He chuckled lightly at my combination word. “More than a little, yes,” he stated. “Generally it would take years, possibly decades to master the form of something as complex as a dragon,” he said, then sighed and gripped my hands a little tighter. “The Seeker knows this,” he stated looking up at me.

I closed my eyes tight then. I didn’t want to face this, too much chance, too much change. There was nothing normal anymore.

Suddenly and briefly I saw a picture of Cole in my mind. _Not all the change is bad_, I thought as I tried to smile. It just felt so overwhelming then, but I had to think, had to focus. There was a reason he mentioned Cassandra. _Cassandra knows,_ I sat bolt upright then as my eyes came open. _She might, but then maybe_. I looked at Solas. _That’s what he’s afraid of too._

“Do you believe she will try to make me Tranquil,” I asked. He shrugged uncomfortably.

“I am uncertain. At the moment, she trusts that I will be able to train you to contain it, but I think she will be watching a _lot_ more closely.”

Outside of my pounding heartbeat, I knew I was sitting perfectly still and fooling no one with it.

“Volatile and versatile; flipping, swimming, circling high and falling deep below the surface; too many sensations all at once. Vhenan, please, I don’t know, I just don’t know what to do,” Cole’s voice said as he appeared. Solas shifted then and dragged me into a hug with him. I felt so numb, so cold and, “Won’t let them, I won’t be Tranquil. Burn the planet first.”

“None of that, Aethien,” Solas said softly, leaning back to take my face in his hands. He held me there as he met my eyes. “I wouldn’t let them make you Tranquil any more than you would let them kill me for an apostate.” I nodded numbly. “Aethien,” he stressed my name to draw my attention. “I won’t lose you to fear any more than to another man,” he declared though too obviously his fears of _that_ were set to rest.

_Well, no shit, Athena,_ I shouted at myself. _You only tried to shift into a dragon to roast the Commander your damned self. Of course _those_ worries are gone. _I sighed. _Fuck me, what a mess I stepped into._ I looked up into his eyes then. He was still concerned but it was only then that I realized his concern was not Cassandra, but whether or not I would actually learn to control it. I drew in a steadying breath as I held his gaze and he smiled lightly. _Stronger than you think_, I declared to him as I drew my shoulders back and sat upright then. He smiled earnestly then.

“Force of nature indeed.”

“Stronger, must become stronger. Heightening, rising, soaring beyond the skies, I must reach knew levels of understanding and knowledge, must protect ma vhenan. Can’t do that if I’m Tranquil, can’t give them a reason to take away reason, logic, love. Won’t let them. I _will_ become stronger,” Cole’s words echoing my mind only cemented my will behind them.

I broke gaze with Solas a moment and looked up at Cole. _Not all bad, _I thought. Cole smiled and disappeared.

“He has a fondness for you,” Solas said and I looked back at him. I smiled.

“Perhaps, though Cole will go wherever he is needed, wherever he can help. I’ll promise you that,” I stated and stood. I felt no need for sleep despite my exhaustion. I refused to step into the Fade tonight. I would gain better control. No more despair demons, no more changing without meaning, no more chances for them to say I was a danger. I would risk none of it. I closed my eyes and focused in. My will seemed almost a living thing for a moment but I slid a finger along it and felt it respond like ripples in a pool. I had to somehow control that pool. _Still waters, dearest_, I told myself. _Not so much a need to control the water itself as to control what affects the water_. I focused in a little tighter then. The water needed to be shielded more than contained. _I can do that_, I thought as I pulled up a brilliant barrier around that central feeling and felt it radiate along my skin.

“Impressive,” I heard and looked over. Solas was watching and grinning at me. “Though there is truly no point in that while you are here with me,” he stated.

I looked down at my hands then and saw a super thick blue barrier covering my fingers like a giant glove. I shivered a moment as I looked at them. The problem with this glove is they were not just shaped to my hands, but formed into claw-like extensions, similar to his Dread Wolf outfit. The thought made me look beyond my hands and I noted that the entire ensemble was cloned in the four inch thick blue energy sitting three inches above my skin. _What was he going to think of me cloning his outfit? _My gaze shot up to him then and he grinned at me with a questioning gaze. “I,” I began.

He smiled then. “A bit of a fondness for me, vhenan?” he asked. I blushed hard. “I wanted to ask earlier how you knew which straps to loose first, but I think I’m getting my answer.”

“Not, to entirety,” I answered as I willed the barrier to dissipate, specifying _very_ gently. Thankfully, my will obeyed and the barrier drifted off of me like fine smoke. He was looking at me questioningly. “I-uh,” I began and looked over at the stack of armor. “My friend, Leo,” I began and blinked back the tears. _I missed my only friend. He had only been gone, what seven months now._ I sighed and pressed on. “I was fascinated by your character, he would often say too much, but he hardly had a leg to stand on there,” I said as I picked up the top piece of armor and ran my fingers over it. “Leo was a fanatic about all things history, if there was a part of my world that had a history worth knowing, he knew it, everything about it; its wars, its legends, its language. His passion was history, so when I asked him to help me understand the uses of the armors I had read about, and how they could or couldn’t be made, he was excited to try. He crafted me three armors, though I had only asked him to explain it. He made this one, and all its many buckles,” I said with a laugh as I reset the armor, and then stood to face Solas. “He also made a copy of your ‘Dread Wolf’ armor as we call it, the mimic of which you just saw.” Solas grinned. “Leo showed me how they could be made and how they would be applied and removed, what should go on first, etc. Leo was a bit of a tactical genius, so armors were something he enjoyed researching and discussing.”

I smiled as I remembered the sets he’d made. Solas spoke and threw me off for a moment. “You said he crafted three sets of armor.” I tried to smile through the pain then.

“He did,” I said.

“What was the third?”

I sighed, closing my eyes, and reached to my will to show him, and in that moment I heard it as the metal clanged and slid into place around me, padded by the soft fox-skin Leo had used to line it. I willed my body to pull a copy of that armor for me from the Fade, and it formed up perfectly. Solas’ lips were parted as I opened my eyes again as Leo had crafted me an almost exact replica of Solas’ Dread Wolf armor in steel and lapis lazuli fitted perfectly to my form. The most impressive thing to me over that was that he had never taken measurements off my body for it.

When he’d presented it to me, Leo had told me the gold and obsidian looked fine on a bald man but… I suppose I was wishing too hard to see him again as I heard Leo’s voice echo around me, “The steel offsets your hair better,” he said as the wisp forming his body adjusted the final bits onto me as he had that christmas. “Now,” he said with a huge smile, “you look worthy of being the Dread Wolf’s lady.” I blushed and squeezed my eyes shut.

_Beautiful, just fucking beautiful. Gotta wonder how he’s going to take _that. _Yes, I technically met you a few days ago, but I’ve been dreaming of belonging to you for years. Cheers_, I thought sarcastically. I felt his hand slid under my chin but squeezed my eyes tighter. _Just let me believe_, I pleaded silently, _just for another moment_. I heard him scoff.

“Aethien.” It was a commanding stretching of my name, a command that I look at him despite the pain echoing through me.

What if I upset him? What if I over stepped? Would he leave now? Cast me away? What…

I felt the squeeze to my jaw, not enough to hurt but enough to warn and I opened my eyes slowly, dreading the worst only to see amusement in his eyes and a question. I looked away and coughed. “I did, try to tell you,” I stammered. He released my chin but wouldn’t stop looking down at me like that. “Not to its entirety,” I repeated. That stupid raised brow again as I glanced up at him and looked away.

He chuckled and began circling me slowly, accessing the armor. Finally he paused and plucked at the fur over my left shoulder. “And this is?” he asked. I swallowed.

_It’s an armor lesson, not his armor. Remember, it’s not his armor. _I sighed and looked to the back of the tent. “Its black fox fur,” I stated, and went on. “The Damascus steel was the closest Leo could find to shimmer like the,” I coughed. “And the obsidian he said just didn’t set right.”

“It should be blue,” the wisp before me said as he touched the gem on my shin. I blushed as it finished his sentence, “like the eyes you spend way too much time staring at.” The wisp stood, as Leo had then. “Seriously though, Athena, when are you going to find a _real_ boyfriend,” he’d asked.

“I like my books,” echoed around me a moment and I squeezed my eyes shut. This wasn’t working. I tried to will-release the armor and …nothing. _Oh shit. _A deep breath, _Focus in, Athena, you know what you need to do, just focus in. Don’t panic. Rule one, come on. There_. I touched the will again and sent the shimmers across. It rippled against my skin. I could feel it push slightly, and then, nothing. “Oh, come on.” I hadn’t meant to say that a loud, but I was extremely frustrated and embarrassed. The embarrassment got worse as my eyes popped open realizing he’d heard me. He raised that eyebrow again. “I-uh,” I swallowed. “Having trouble willing it back.”

He chuckled. “A thought?” he offered. I nodded. “Perhaps the difficulty lies in the fact that this,” he said taking my wrist and lifting it to eye level, “is not a barrier.” I didn’t quite follow and he chuckled again releasing me and as the metal clanged when it dropped and I felt the weight, it hit me, hard.

I think it showed on my face, but I started panicking then. This was nothing to have Leliana, or sweet Gods, Iron Bull find me in. The mess that would cause. And how does one sleep in these things. True it was made for comfort in riding or walking but sleeping was different and would leave anyone stiff. And…

A warm hand gripped my chin and pulled my gaze back to the grey-green amusement. “Control, vhenan,” he urged gently.

_Right, control. No dragons._ I breathed in a steadying breath and he smiled. _You have the will, dear. It’s not a barrier, but you pulled it on; there must be a way to pull it off. Oh, that sounded wrong_, I blushed as the thought hit. _I mean, a way to remove it, yeah._ His proximity was not helping the thoughts running through my head at a thousand miles an hour. I tried to squeeze my eyes shut, to ignore him being there a moment, but he shook my chin and as I looked at him, he raised that eye brow again.

“Willing it gone, won’t help,” he stated and I swallowed hard. He chuckled. “You do realize this comes off the same way that does,” he said as he gestured to the pile of armor in the corner of the tent.

_Oh, right_. I grinned an embarrassed smile. He smiled back and stepped to my side, sliding a finger under the pelt, adeptly and deftly loosening it from the metal. I froze. _He’s not really going to_, I thought as his hand traced the lining to the belt where it was secured. I swallowed hard. _He is_. If there was a cure to ease the blushing at that point, I couldn’t have told anyone as the blushing warmed out passed my ears. _Kissing, hugging, even the touching; acceptable forms of intimacy. This however_, I thought and heard him chuckle, bringing my embarrassed gaze back to his face as he lifted the fur away and laid it across his armor.

“You handle it better in reverse,” he stated, not meeting my eyes but instead lifting the plating that lined across my chest plate. I looked away again. There was no arguing it. I did my best not to fidget but I could hardly help it. He worked his way through the plate to the darkened steel chainmail underneath. He drifted his fingers over it as he lowered himself to the shin plates.

“Solas,” I choked out. He looked up at me with a question. “I-I can do that myself. You don’t-“

“Have to?” he asked with a smile. “I don’t believe you had to remove my armor earlier, though it never stopped you nor even slowed your progress.”

_Reciprocity, Athena. He’s just returning the favor_. I squeezed my eyes shut and he chuckled as he deftly removed one plate then the other.

“Your friend was quite the smith,” he stated as he took my right hand into his and began loosening the almost invisible straps to pull the gauntlet off. “It’s almost a perfect replication.”

I looked away and started talking, regrettably far faster than my brain could sieve through. “It wasn’t supposed to be a perfect replication. It was only supposed to be close, but different. More of a yin and yang, black fox, white wolf; gold and silver. Well, silver looking. Silver is useless as a protective metal. It’s malleable and squishy.” He chuckled and I clamped my jaw closed realizing I was only making an idiot of myself at the moment.

“Indeed,” he agreed on a smile then lifted my chin to make me meet his gaze. “Pull your hair in tight to your head so it doesn’t catch.” Obediently, I reached back and wrapped my hair, long dark strands, darker than mine usually. Musings could wait. I rushed it then, wrapping it tight around my hand and tucking the ball under my chin as I pressed my chin to my collar bone and went to reach for the edges of the chainmail shirt. Hands caught mine and an amused gaze as I looked up. He lifted my hands slowly above my head until my biceps were stretched to either side of my ears. “Keep them there.” I swallowed hard again. More words from dreams, but for totally different reasons, the blush seemed to spread to my neck. He smiled and slid his hands under the sides of the chainmail shift, lining the bottom across his thumbs.

_Double problem! That, one, puts his fingertips against your skin the whole way up_, the thought tightened my stomach…and other places, _and two, you have no choice but to stand here and accept it as your hair is caught between your chin and collar bone, good job limiting that option and your hands stretched way over your head that only gives, oh, free reign, dumbass. Would you like to explain somehow, why we are letting this happen? Not an invalid._ I’d hit the nail on the head with one part as his hands began ascending, his fingers could reach me, though I’d forgotten the shirt and tunic he’d leant me and I eased a half sigh past my hair. _See, safe. It’s okay. No need to_, my thoughts began but my stomach tightened further as he stepped closer and all I could see was him. _Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. _I squeezed my eyes shut. _Not thinking about that. No. Too many dreams, too many thoughts, and my mage mind will start bringing it all forward. No. Will not think, ah_. My thoughts got derailed as his fingers slid over the sides of my breasts. I bit down on my tongue as I felt the heat and moisture raised between my thighs again. _Inappropriate. Not necessary. Stop this_, I shouted at myself. _He’s just helping us get out of the clothing he is much more familiar with. That’s it. Knock that off_.

His chuckle implied otherwise as the hands continued. He could have just pulled it completely off way faster than this. This was torture and he seemed to be enjoying it. I swallowed hard again, my mouth suddenly very dry and my throat clogged, I instinctively squeezed my thighs together only to feel that I was apparently completely wet as it smeared my inner thigh.

_Fuck me_, I cursed in my head. _I think that was what he had in mind, dumbass_, I chided myself. _At least earlier he did. Hard telling what he’s thinking now since you’re too damned scared to even look at him._ I jarred with that statement and straightened, my mouth curling into a snarl. _Scared?_ I challenged and looked straight up then. The amused smile, backed with darkened blue eyes that screamed anything ‘wicked’ I could ever have imagined. I fought the urge to swallow again and met his eyes. _I fear nothing_. The thought must have shown as his grin changed into a totally different one.

“Something wrong, vhenan?” he asked from that darker smile. My jaw shifted slightly as I felt my canines match up; it was a feral response, but one he understood.

“I’ve had enough of fear.” He smiled down at me as the chainmail came up over my head. He paused though there.

“There’s nothing to fear,” he replied next to my ear. My arms bound by the chainmail to my head left the rest of my body full exposed to his gaze and the heat of that raked down my body and then back up it, before he moved again. The chainmail shift did not get folded and placed like the pants had. The clothing he’d given me was tight against my body and I could feel the pants sticking to me.

The shift landed behind him on the pile, as one hand claimed my chin and the other unknotted the belt at my waist. He claimed his reward then, he was neither slow nor patient with his kiss. He leaned in and slid his tongue passed my lips. I didn’t resist him, which was probably the final error on my part for the evening. The pants fell away with the belt and the hand that had been used to loosen them tugged the tunic high. He only separated his kiss from me long enough to clear the garment. The shirt too obviously became, ‘not a priority’ as he leaned forward. In retrospect, he was probably trying to push me back onto the bedding but he’d chosen the wrong time for that.

I would be goaded no longer and instead leaned into the kiss defiantly. The grasp he had on my right thigh became a lifting motion as the hand that had been on my chin dropped to grab the other thigh. My arms came up around his neck then as he pulled me flush to him, sliding one arm under my ass and the other around my lower back as I wrapped my legs behind him. He growled into the kiss then, dropping us down onto the bedding.

The growl lifted in my throat as hands that had been behind him, shoved him upright. His gaze down at me was anything but subdued as he sat back on his knees. _If you wanted something to just bend over for you, you should have gotten a city-elf_, I thought briefly as I surged up to my knees, taking his head in my hands as I kissed him with my own ferocity. I felt it radiate through him as his hands gripped my sides, pulling me almost painfully against him. The animalistic need was a part of both of us I sucked his tongue into my mouth to taste him deeper, only to have the shirt tugged on briefly before he apparently decided he had others and it came away from my body in two pieces so he could have the access he so wanted. He broke the kiss with a growl. His right hand came up sheathed in blue energy and he slammed it into the ground. The moment it made contact, the energy erupted around us, sealing the tent in his barrier, but there was a difference to this barrier I couldn’t (or just didn’t take the time) to place. The same hand snapped back up to grab my jaw.

I had a mere moment to meet flaring blue eyes before his kiss consumed my attention and a good portion of my will. It was what I’d wanted, dreamed of, hoped for; I was the Dread Wolf’s mate and he was certain to sear that into my skin, with touch and kiss. His hand descended my neck only to take one of my breasts in hand and squeeze the taut nipple as I moaned into the kiss that was consuming my will at an amazing rate. Thought became fuzzy, distant; my focus was losing and against my own better judgment I just didn’t care. His hands were like fire over my skin, igniting parts of me I had never known. It was instinct to squeeze my thighs together but he would have none of that. Strong hands dropped to my knees as he dropped forward over me. I was strong, but not strong enough to hold back an additional eighty odd kilos with just my stomach muscles from crushing us back into the bedding. He didn’t crush me though.

He dropped into me enough to force me back as the hands at my knees pulled them to either side of his waist. Never breaking the kiss, he’d dropped us back into the bedding and had me bound by my own movements, my feet tucked up beside my ass and my knees supporting my lower half as he kissed me down into the covers, bowing my spine. He never sat up, never broke away from kissing me as his right hand moved up my right thigh. That was when I learned probably my most valuable lesson in my life: no matter how many times you do it, it feels phenomenally better to have someone else do it. My breath caught hard and I could hardly focus on the kiss anymore. What part of me honestly believed he would be ‘cautious’ or ‘delicate’ about the process was truly the fool. Solas was an expert at what he chose to do and damned but he did it well. Places I had not thought could feel so wonderful, even as tight and painful as they were. I hated that tight feeling when I did it, but it was trophy to him and he grinned into the kiss as he slid one finger between the wet folds of my skin.

Pleasure, pleasure beyond my wickedest imaginings, I writhed and squirmed and moaned. At some point I broke the kiss, continuing to moan and gasp, my head slowly trashing as the pleasure built in me. Educated, and wise beyond any, I could not tell why I never believed it would extend to this, to knowing exactly where to touch, how to touch, when to touch. I was trying to keep it contained; trying to resist the urge to scream but he had other plans.

The kiss I’d broken became a journey across my cheek and down my neck as the left hand squeezed and scratched and slid its way up to my breast. His deft right working songs from me I had never known, pulsing power through my body that left me all but helpless for the pleasure in it. I could not think. I tried once, a glance down at a vicious grinning face before he took the nipple into his mouth and that was the end of my conscious resistance to his dominance. I wanted it, needed it, needed him to continue and he was obliging, but he made it torture; a sweet torture that shifted parts of my mind into uncaring mush.

I could feel the magic in me begin to shift, to adjust to his. Others may have bound in body only but that would never be his way, his magic wrapped around us both as I rose higher into my pleasure, barely touching at the edges of my magic as he watched it sore ever higher. The tighter I gripped, the higher I flew. I felt his hand cup my breast at the same time he held me back into the bed as he kissed down my stomach, nipping in parts, gentle brushes in others. It seemed each movement he gave forced another scream from me. There was no point in fighting it then, I was screaming, screaming his name, screaming words that don’t exist in any language, curses, blessing, words curving around the one basic need that was not just a single part of my body now but my entire being.

In my conscious mind, I would have wondered how something that only seemed to involve one part of the body could be expanded over the whole, but I had no thought that could form before he would move and the searing hot need would overtake the processes in my mind again. His grin against my skin as I felt him kiss my hip was more amused as the hand that had been holding my torso to the ground slid down to twist my foot loose and pull the leg out beside his. I tried again to squeeze my thighs together to ease some of the incredible, wonderful pain of the tightness. I had less luck this time, as the hand there was joined by a tongue, a vicious, evil, wonderful tongue and the control over my muscles gave way to him. My body was not mine anymore, it was his; I was his.

Thoughts that would remind me later, a wolf does not ‘make love’. Things everyone knows but you don’t really think about. A wolf dominates his lover and takes his own; but Solas was more than just some predatory beast. He knew what each motion caused, what it would do. It never dimmed the instinctive urge, but rather than bite at the back of a neck, he touched and tasted and kissed and sucked. Fists full of bedroll and thrashing about against a left hand holding my stomach to the ground as my legs squeezed tighter, begging a deeper penetration, a different feeling.

“Solas, ah, Solas please.”

A darker chuckle as his head rose to look up at me, his two fingers moving slowly inside me, still causing my entire body to spasm. “You sound as though you suffer, vhenan.” The voice was deeper, darker than usual, but I could hardly keep my eyes open.

“Solas, please,” I gasped. “Too much.” He chuckled darkly and let his gaze return to his work for a moment before meeting my blinking gaze again.

“You would deny a wolf his meal, Vhenan? Not wise,” he mock-chided before lowering himself back to his work. There was no help for thought, or words then. I think I managed his name a few times but all other words were gone and I would learn exactly how wrong I was to claim ‘too much’. My body stretched and rose at his command, coming harder each time to his fingers and mouth.

A brief reprieve after the sixth as he sat back and took his remaining garments off. I couldn’t tell in which order or how, as I was still gasping for breath, my eyes closed with my most recent climax glistening across my body. My breathing began to settle about the time his warm hands touched my sides. I blinked open an eye to glance up at him, a pleased smile across his face with him knelt just below my legs, as his hands slowly descended. I hadn’t truly realized I’d pulled my legs together when he stood to undress, but he smoothly separated them to lay between. Thoughts still seemed elusive as hands that had placed my knees to either side of his ribs trailed back up my extremely sensitive inner thigh.

The resistance in my body was gone. My breath caught, I felt those same muscles tighten again, felt the moisture build. He held my gaze though, as he skirted the edges of where I wanted those hands again, grinning at the light groans. It seemed all I could do to reach down and take his face in my hands as his lean form slowly rose from between my thighs over me. “Please.”

The grin became a darker smile as his eyes declared only one thing before he kissed me; “Mine!”

The kiss was possessive, biting at my lips, sucking them into his mouth only to plunder mine with his tongue, pressing back into me until I was sure somehow we would end up literally merged into one being. Taking his passion from my kisses, I was lost to him, to his wants, his needs. I was his. His hands ascended my body until his left lay beside me and the right gripped my jaw as he sat back. He smiled down at his work. It was not the common tongue, but somehow I understood it better, “_You are mine, Aethien, my choice, my mate. None will touch you but me_.”

He leaned down then, and though I was prepared for the dominant wolf, it was not what I met. Gentle, delicate kisses over swollen lips. I opened for him, my legs sliding around his, my mouth parting for his tongue as his hand traced back down, soft and light across my violin string of a body. I groaned up into the kiss as he skimmed my breast, barely touching the pearl of my nipple before continuing down. His smile was gentler as the same fingers traced gentle lines across my stomach. It was only then I noticed that my magic was rising to his touch as much as my body, a translucent pulsing to his touches, to his magic touching mine. His kiss opened my mind up further to him. His touch linked our magics in ways that I would never have known was possible.

As his hand dropped lower, I shifted. I wanted to feel him again, I needed him there. The movement of my hips only caused him to smile as he sat back slightly, which in turn only got me to pout up at him. Slight amusement colored his bright-blue, lust-laden eyes, before a brief concern flickered over his face. I was his open book, so it wasn’t amazing to have him understand when I felt the need to ask what was wrong, but couldn’t even get the words to fully form in my mind, let alone on my tongue. He leaned down to the side and nuzzled against my cheek. “I will try not to hurt you, Vhenan,” he whispered softly. I nuzzled back and as he sat up, I smiled at him with only one coherent thought.

“Never.”

He smiled truly back then and leaned down into me, pressing me open around him. I thought at first he’d meant to go back to kissing me but as he spread me, my eyes and mouth came wide open. _Too much, too big._ He eased into me, letting me adjust to him as he entered slowly; he never broke our gaze. As he slid the last of his large cock into me, I was gasping, stretched well beyond what I believed my limit, I was just trying to calm a pounding heart rate down slightly. I squeezed my eyes shut against the minor pain that left.

“Aethien,” he said gently. I met his eyes then, shadowed with his own pleasure and a deeper concern. “Grip me,” he said. It confused me at first, so he added, “Your muscles here are like any other. They will obey,” he stated laying his finger gently across my lower abdomen. I swear I could feel the pressure of his fingers there.

I heaved a few breaths, steadying my mind enough to try to find which parts were me. I willed the muscles to tighten briefly and I gasped hard as they did. I couldn’t maintain that grip; it pulled him unbelievably deeper into me. I met his patient gaze after a moment. He was breathing heavier now too. Finally he said, “Again.” I watched him this time as I tightened that muscle willingly. It felt so tight, so full, it was hard to focus, but I saw, I watched as his eyes closed against it and I felt his cock throb against me. The gasp was going to happen, I accepted that but after a moment, without prompting, I did it again and watched as his chin rose to resist sliding his head back.

It really was just a primal pleasure to know I could give it back anywhere near as good as I got. It also had the added benefit of causing the muscles to relax around him as I released the tightening. I pulled him down to kiss me and as our mouths met, I purposely did it again and I felt him gasp into me. I smiled into the kiss, thinking for a moment that I had the upper hand. I was wrong.

His eyes lit, when I did it that time and his restraint—which I hadn’t realized was there—gave way a little as he slammed his hips into mine. My head fell back then, I could feel every inch of him and that one motion had driven my mind over into pleasure beyond even earlier. _Impossible_. His mouth descended then to my neck and the near vicious biting and sucking and licking blew my mind. He was trembling to remain still otherwise.

[[[_Stars,_ the thought just before, _eas-y. You know what was on your fingers. None have had this body, despite her past. You must stay calm. Dammit, woman,_ as she squeezed him again. _I’m trying _not_ to hurt you._]]]

I could hardly stand it. I wanted him to do that again, I needed to feel him more. I squeezed again and felt him shake against me, but it wasn’t what I wanted; I wanted him deeper, I wanted more so I twisted and he sat back quick on a hiss as my hips ground into his and I felt him. My face flushed, I could feel my body heat up as I moved again against his impossibly firm body. “More,” I begged up at him, trying to pull him back down to me. He gripped his abs to hold himself up, though I doubt he didn’t realize that would also send me over again. I felt his hands grip mine and pull them away. I groaned up at him then as he pulled my hands away and transferred both my wrists into his left hand, which he stretched above my head, limiting my movement. “Please, more.” I tried to grind again. His right hand held my chin still as he kissed me.

He put his restraint and the effort he was taking into that kiss, but I would hear none of it. It felt too good, too tight. Finally he drew back and jerked into me again, and I sighed into his kiss. He leaned back a moment. “I am trying not to hurt you,” he said.

“Can’t,” I gasped squirming under him, watching as he half-lidded his gaze down at me as I pulled him to the hilt. “Please.” He growled then and dropped a very different kiss on me then.

His mouth pressed tight to mine and as I opened for him, his tongue slid into my mouth as he jerked into me again. My head tried to roll again, but he would not be denied his kiss, burying his need in me deeper than even his cock. My skin was heating everywhere, my stomach tightening.

He slammed into me again and I moaned into his mouth.

[[[A memory hit him for a moment, of how she’d moaned into his mouth before as he’d slammed her up against the wall in his hut and he grinned into the kiss. _Made for the wolf_.]]]

The hand on my jaw dropped to my hip as he slammed into me again and I did moan out of the kiss that time, but he didn’t seem to care as he kissed down my neck, over my collar bone, continuing to slam into me. I tightened too blissfully around his cock, my wetness clinging to him as he filled me to hilt again and again. I was screaming his name intermingled with the only of other two words I appeared know at that point. “Please, ah, Solas, please. More, ah. Solas.” My hands wriggled against his grip I desperately wanted to be clinging to his back against the onslaughts, orgasm after orgasm; Gods but he knew exactly how to set me off over and over. I was at his mercy and I was loving it, each bite, each thrust, the tensing of his hand over my wrist, the other tensing against my hip. His mouth rose from my body for a moment as the pleasure and tension in both me and my magic lifted so high I could feel nothing else. I came down from that one to his heavy breath on my collar bone, his right hand still gripped tight into my hip. I felt it, something different but nothing mattered outside of his still pulsating cock in me.

He seemed as though he were completely out of breath then for a moment, but I never pretended to be a good girl. I squeezed again and his breathless chuckle into my neck was a pleasant reward for the wonderful feeling. “I fear I may regret teaching you that,” he mumbled and kissed my neck briefly before releasing my hands to pull his left back and lean up on that elbow. I lowered my hands to either side of his face and looked up at him a moment. He grinned and shook his head a moment. “It has been far too long,” he stated and leaned down for a quick kiss. I whined up at him as he sat back from it. “Insatiable,” he said on a smile and kissed me quickly once more before shifting and my body became abruptly aware of many things. He slid out of me and watched as I adjusted again.

It was actually more painful for a moment. I felt him ‘pull’ then as he lifted one of the pieces of my shirt and water appeared above, dropping over and into it. A few cool drops hit my leg and I jerked slightly.

“Apologies, Vhenan. I’m out of practice on a few things it would seem,” he stated as he warmed the cloth between his hands and laid it across my swollen lips.

“Solas.” He glanced at me.

“You can do it yourself if you prefer,” he said after a moment and sat back to lift the other half of shirt and again pulled water through it. He applied that one to his sweat- and cum-coated cock. He glanced once down at me and I had the realization that I would either be on about my own cleaning or I would have help. I reached down and gasped as the cloth pressed to my tender parts. “Gently, vhenan,” he urged. I obeyed and gently rubbed the cloth by my folds, though I jerked a few times. I was still super sensitive. I sat up and he proffered his hand. It felt more than slightly embarrassing to hand him the cloth, especially considering I’d seen the blood on it. That had been taken from my old body years ago, so seeing it was a little distressing at first. He smiled gently at me as he took both cloths and wrapped them in the tunic, and tucked them against the armors before returning to lay out beside me.

He pulled me to him and tucked me up against him. Weirdest most wonderful feeling in the world, to lie there, listening to his heart rate through his chest as he held me. His right arm was under my neck, as he pushed back my hair from my face with his left. Twining limbs and snuggling close, I have never felt that way. There isn’t a word, or even a series of words, that describes it and as I lay there I couldn’t have cared to try to place them to it anyway. His arms were warm and comforting and having him lay there with me left me with no doubt to worm their way through me like some intrusive magic.

_Magic._

I shook my head a moment to clear the thought and he looked down at me concerned. “Lost in bad thoughts again?”

_Should, he should know_. “I,” I started and looked down at his chest. Those piercing blue eyes just made it so hard to concentrate. I sighed. “I suppose it should be discussed.” I felt him sit back slightly but I wormed closer. I needed his warmth against my fears. He seemed to understand and held me there a moment. I sighed again and tried to think where to start. “It’s my magic,” I started and he stiffened slightly, but I pushed on, finally remember the first time. “Ever since that first, since I really accepted that I’m here, that this is no dream, I,” I broke off again.

He traced a hand down my back. “Don’t rush it, Aethien. I’m not going anywhere,” he said gently. I smiled lightly and sighed against him. I settled my mind back out and got the words in order better.

“I first felt it when Bull called you a spell-flinger that day.” _Spells_. I shook my head again. “It’s happened a few times since then. I’ll think of magic or spells and the word will,” I sighed, “for lack of better phrasing, get stuck.”

“Stuck?”

“I’ll hear it echo in my mind and then through my will like a stone dropped into the far end of a pool. It’s not, really uncomfortable, not as much as it is disconcerting.” I looked up at him then; patient, quiet blue-green eyes listening intently. “With what else I’ve learned of my magic the thought does frighten me that something else might have an effect on it.” We sat in silence a moment, and after a few moments he reached his left hand back to finger over the jaw bone at his chest, the only thing either of us were wearing.

He spoke carefully, “I’d have a look myself first,” he stated, “before assuming, but I don’t think it’s something else influencing you exactly.”

“You think you know what it is?” I asked hopefully.

“I do, but to be certain, I’ll need to ‘step into you’,” he stated.

“You mean a return to the Fade?” I asked and shiver shot through me. He released the jaw bone and placed his hand gently around my chin.

“I’ll be there with you,” he stated, “and we aren’t just going into the Fade, you won’t precede me like before,” he added. I looked up at him curiously. “Rather than make you relax, I just need you to,” he paused, “focus, focus in on your latent abilities. It will give us a view of a few things, but if I’m correct, it will give us an immediate answer to your fears.”

_Focus. I can do that_, I nodded as I thought, staring down at his chest.

“Athena.” My head snapped up. “You prefer Aethien?” he asked on a grin. I drew a steadying breath. He would never hurt me; never use it to hurt me.

I smiled then up at him. “Alone, I don’t care what you call me. Out there though,” I said tossing a glance at the closed tent door, “Aethien.” He raised that eyebrow again. “I have always held belief that a name has power, and I’d rather not give any of that power up willing to anyone out there.” He smiled.

“But your true name is Athena?” he asked on a grin.

“That was the name my father chose, yes.” He shifted and took my face in both hands.

“While we are doing this,” he paused and I shivered again, “it is better I use your true name.” I nodded.

_Understandable. If he has to call me back to, my character name might only pull part and shred the rest_. I sighed and shivered again.

“I will be with you, Athena. You have nothing to fear,” he stated.

“You’ll keep me from,” I paused and he smiled.

“I do not believe you will try to shift again unwillingly. It took an exceptional amount of anger to get you to shift earlier.” I nodded, both in understanding and in agreement. “Are you ready?” he asked gently, tilting his head so he could meet my gaze entirely. My eyes must have said something as he smiled, “If it is something to do with your magic, I would rather know sooner than later.” I nodded again.

It made good sense. Magic was a dangerous thing to leave unchecked. If something was affecting it, then the sooner we dealt with it the better; _like a heart_. I sighed and focused down, back down to the pool. I felt the shimmering of my will as I reached for it, just before I felt the warm tug to my side and Solas took form beside me in my mind then.

He smiled at me and touched the water’s edge with a single finger. I felt it vibrate through me like a pitch fork. I wouldn’t admit it but it actually hurt a little. “It’s here,” he stated and sat back. He shifted then and I watched as his body contorted to the wolf. “You’re not ready to do this on your own, so I’ll have to go. Stay here, stabilize your will against the ripples; don’t fight them, just stabilize,” he stressed on a half-growl. I nodded and brought my will to the forefront of my mind. The water shimmered and he smiled at me briefly before taking a leap forward. The landing hurt, I could feel the tearing in the pool, the forced movement for his motions ripping like having a blade drawn over muscles just under the skin. The ripples tried to wave and I soothed them out.

_He would never hurt me. Safe_. I kept repeating it each time the ripples rose, kept thinking it as hard as I could until he was stepping out of the waters again. He held something in his hands when he stepped up to me. It took me a moment to grasp as I was gasping in air, the effort of calming my will draining me.

“Release,” he said without looking up. I nodded and let go, falling back on the bedding, staring up at him as his eyes fluttered open. His arms weren’t around me, but cupped to him, holding something.

“So?” I asked on a breath, as I tried to steady my breathing.

“I was right, but wrong,” he stated and opened his hands. He was holding a tiny dragon skull, similar to the head of the highland ravager.

“What do you mean?” I asked, trying not to be afraid and he finally met my gaze and smiled.

“I thought perhaps,” he began and looked back down at the skull and sighed. “I had assumed you were like me, a wolf by magical nature, a,” he shook his head. “It would seem though,” he stated looking up at me, “that you are no wolf,” he said and held the skull out to me.

I barely touched it and felt my own will pull at it like a tiny black hole. I looked up at him. Fear was all I could feel and I’m sure it showed. He held the skull to his chest with one hand and touched my cheek with the other.

“You don’t need to be afraid,” he said gently. “It’s just you, a part of you, no different than your hair or hands.” I hadn’t realized until he said that that I had been hyperventilating and forced myself to draw in a breath.

_Six in, six hold, six out. Calm down._ I did that a few times before a thought hit me. “Why-What makes you say I’m no wolf?”

He smiled. “Because, you are dragon,” he stated.

I could no more of stopped by mouth from dropping then than I could have stopped breathing. “A wha-come again?” I asked.

He held it out to me. “Go on.” Hesitantly, I held it. Lighter than I would have thought as it looked to be made of actual bone but it felt, soft, warm. I stared at it a moment and he began speaking then. “You are dragon, like I am wolf. It is as much you as any other. We are born into our bodies, but our souls will occasionally demand the touch of another, the touch of a different type.” I looked up at him then and he was caressing the wolf jaw on his neck absently as he watched me. He looked so sad.

I tucked the skull against my chest and reached up to him. He smiled sadly down at me. “What’s wrong, ma vhenan?” I asked then. “What’s wrong with me being dragon?”

He shook his head lightly and smiled. “Old prejudices,” he stated. I shook my head slightly. I couldn’t understand what he meant. “Do you remember when you asked of Arlathan that night?” he asked. I nodded as I looked up into grey-green eyes. “Things were very different,” he stated and reached forward, laying his hand over the skull. He looked down a moment at the back of his hand before looking back up at me. “Dragons do not belong with wolves,” he stated and it clicked in my head then. I tried to manage my temper but I know it flared into my eyes.

“Says who?” It was a challenge as much as a question and I made no effort to conceal it.

On automatic response, he started, “The other-” he paused and looked down at me then cracked into a grin. “The Evanuris.” It was a realization in his mind, I did not need to explain: they condemned him for setting the ground-dwellers free. They claimed him to be so many horrible things. What other things had ‘they claimed’ that were also untrue? I watched as the thoughts ran behind a brilliant mind. He chuckled and then leaned forward, pressing his forehead to mine, never breaking our gaze. “_You_ will shake the world,” he stated smiling at me. I forced my breathing down.

“I won’t lose you, Solas,” I stated then. He raised his eye brow again. “Not to something stupid like the words of dead and dying would-be gods.” He chuckled. “I mean it, Solas. I won’t.” He leaned down then and kissed me briefly.

“And I would have you no other way,” he said as he went to move forward. The horns of the skull poked him as he moved and he chuckled. “We’ll have to fasten you a proper chain to carry it with,” he said as he lifted it from me and I felt my will shift around me, the intense echoing of words and sounds died down.

“What would you advise?” I asked with a grin. I only partly meant the necklace and he grinned back a knowing smile.

“That you get some sleep. Cassandra is likely to wake us early.” I pouted briefly before snuggling down against him. He chuckled as he wrapped his arms around me. I had forgotten my earlier need to stay out of the Fade, my fears to avoid it and I slipped easily into restful, dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> Sathan = Please  
Vhenan = My Heart  
Ahnsul ma'vara = Why did you leave  
lin'or ma vhenan = blood of my heart  
Etunash = shit, bullshit


	5. The Dragon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Athena learns what it truly means to be what she finds herself to be in her new world, the world she's loved and dedicated years now to. Thedas is her home now, and she is something more than even elf; She is Dragon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story contains massive spoilers for the game. Please note, that if you are reading, I take no responsibility for ruining game plot you haven't gotten to yet.  
Also, I use multiple songs within the story. I do not claim ownership to these songs. All copyrights belong to the original authors. (I'm just a huge fan :P)

Chapter 5: The Dragon

“Apologies, Seeker. She had a stressful evening,” Solas’ voice woke me as drifted into a groggy body. The lights through the tent flap insisted that it wasn’t even dawn yet. I groaned silently. I would need to dress and leave soon. His gear and armor were gone, but so was my armor which made me wonder.

“See that she receives these,” Cassandra said and paused, “for the journey.”

“Thank you, Seeker,” he responded. I could hear them from just outside the tent and figured I should probably hop to; if the Seeker was already up and about then we were likely to be breaking camp soon and I was actually a little excited for the chance to see Skyhold, actually _see_ it. I rose and donned the pants, belting them to my waist. It was just easier to move without the shirt or tunic in the way, so I began prepping to leave, gathering clothing to the side, then rolling the bedroll up and securing it. It was larger than I thought and I had to lean on it to secure the straps.

“I’ll never tire of that.” The voice from behind me as I looked up from the bedroll. He was standing just inside the closed tent door smiling down at me. I grinned back at him, overly grateful I had at least strapped on pants first, or I may have been interrupted. He chuckled and stepped forward, setting a binding of books down by the gathered clothing. He leaned down and kissed me, then hefted the roll up and strapped it to a make-shift backpack. I had never seen the actual backpack. It had always just been something that was assumed, but he set the books in, then the clothes and I began to seriously wonder.

“A question, Solas?” He stopped and raised an eyebrow, gazing over at me. “Where is my armor?”

He chuckled. “I wouldn’t think you’d want to wear that at the moment,” he stated. I smiled and nodded.

“No, but I would like to know where it is. It is rather special to me.” He smiled and patted the backpack. “How?” I asked. I’d begun to wonder but there was absolutely no way my armor fit in _that_ with everything else.

He chuckled again and gestured for me to come to him. I moved over beside him and he opened the bag. Within was a chest, or so I thought. He popped the lid and within the chest was an eluvian. “It all shifts to the chest on the other side.” As I looked through I could see the massive thing that was housing everything he had placed within. I could see my armor and the stack of books and a dozen vials of what I have no clue, and his armor, not his current but his dread wolf armor and blankets and wraps of cloth and a dozen other things I couldn’t name for my life. I looked up at him then and he grinned. “We all cheat in our own way.”

I chuckled and rose. “I don’t suppose we could find me a shirt in there somewhere?” He smiled and drew out a cloth.

“First things, first, vhenan,” he said standing then. I looked at him curiously. “You’re people don’t bind them?” he asked with a glance at my breasts. I chuckled.

“Afraid we have a slightly different way to go about it.” I paused then and my heart-fluttered a moment as I reached for my will.

“Here,” he offered and lifted the skull from the chest. “Without it nearby you’ll find it’s harder to lose control, but also harder to access the Fade.” I accepted it and held it to my chest.

_Dragon_. It echoed like before through me and across my magic. _If I could pull my armor from home- no, not home- from before_, I corrected, _I might be able to pull a bra and shirt as well, if I can focus as well on them. Let’s see._ I chose then my favorite bra and panties as if looking through my dresser and willed them laid out before me. _And shirt. Shirt, shirt, shirt, shirt. That one_. The thought finished as I remembered the double layer shirt I’d worn during most winters. I would need that here. It was actually two shirts but they connected within by two buttons to keep them on properly. The outer shirt was similar to his tunic, barely more than a short-sleeve that dropped to just below my butt and the inner was fine spandex/polyester, thick enough to hold heat in and light enough to hold heat out. I breathed out and opened my eyes to see the items in a ball before me. _Well it mostly worked_, I thought with a chuckle. _Wish I’d known I could do that the first day_.

“And that is?” His question brought my gaze back up to him as I sat on my haunches before the items.

“Proper gear, as you’d call it,” I answered and began untangling things. He watched for a moment then seemed to return to preparing to leave. I unraveled everything carefully. The last thing I needed to do was tear a button in a place where buttons like this didn’t exist or damage the panties, which were lace and nylon as it was. As I finished, I set the items down in reverse order of how I wanted to put them on, and I stood, sliding my bra around my back to clasp the eye-and-hook in front and then twist it around to pull up. Thankfully, I was apparently as well-endowed here as I was back then. I grinned at that as I slid my scrawnier arms through the straps to lift my breasts. It hadn’t occurred to me before, but this might be a bad thing, as I remembered that even the well-endowed Lady Josephine’s were not so….high on her body. I coughed uncomfortably and put the thought aside. They would just have to adjust to how I did things. I wasn’t from their world and I already proved I was beyond different from them.

I stood then and loosed the pants, letting them fall. I strung the belt over my shoulder and then I reached for the panties. I will never be able to say why, but as I was pulling the panties over my body and adjusting the thong straps on my sides, I looked up. The wolf was enjoying the view. He had paused, items still in-hand, half stretched over the backpack, but his gaze raked over my body.

“Up here, Vhenan.” The words came out before I’d thought of it and his gaze slapped into mine. If I did not dress shortly, we would be here much longer. I chuckled and reached down for the pants, sliding them over the lace thong. He heaved a shuddering breath as I belted them on.

“Those, could be a problem,” he stated then as he almost literally dropped the items in his hands into the backpack.

“You’ll adjust,” I said confidently as I grabbed my undershirt. Its spandex quality left it easy to stretch over my head and down over my butt, but I swear his gaze caught fire then when his breathing quickened as I pulled my hair out from the shirt. “Down, boy,” I said in jest as I reached for my outer shirt. He was up and in front of me before I could move, one hand grasping the back of my head as the other pinned me to him for a kiss that bordered on more. I was still holding the outer shirt as he slid his tongue passed my lips. My body heated and I felt my muscles tighten. I groaned up into his mouth. I knew we didn’t have time, but Gods I wanted him to pin me back down as he had last night.

He sat up after a moment and the gaze he bore down on me bordered between throwing me down and tearing these clothes off and a glare. “I am no pet,” he growled. I smiled up at him, shifting my clothing into one hand so I could lift the other to his face.

“Afraid you have our positions a little backwards, ma Lath,” I said smiling up at him. He scoffed.

“A wolf with a dragon for a pet? More than unlikely,” he replied but he did smile.

“I don’t know,” I said grinning up at him. “You did quite a bit of petting last night.” He grinned then and leaned down for a brief kiss.

“Finish dressing and wait outside while I finish packing camp.” The statement came out with the under tone of if I didn’t get out of range, he was likely to remove what clothing I had and return to his ‘petting’. I smiled, handed him the skull until I could pull the outer shirt on. His breath of relief was noted as I took the skull back.

“I’ll be right outside.”  
“Hold,” he said and walked back over to the backpack. He drew out one of the books. “Cassandra did want you to have this for the journey. She might be vexed if you didn’t have it while you were waiting.” I grinned.

“I will have to thank her.” I accepted the book and stepped out into the twilight. The sun appeared to just be rising beyond the mountains to the east. It was beautiful and I stood there staring for a moment before I looked down at the book and a new thought smacked me.

I lifted the book and glanced down at the cover. _Oh, dear_. I stared at it for a moment. I recognized the depiction of Aveline on the cover, but…that was it. I couldn’t read a word of the title. I knelt then, my usual position of feet under my butt, knees tight together before me. I laid the skull on my legs at a balance and opened the book. _I-I don’t_-.

“Something wrong?” It was the dwarf. Well they’d gotten that wrong. Varric didn’t look a damned thing like the game. Shorter and stockier, his jaw looked like it could have been chiseled out of marble and the grey strands running through his strawberry blonde hair was way off. He did still have multiple earrings but they greatly understated the number and the single chain around the circle on his neck, pshh. Four chains, each with a separate pendant attached. And he was tanned, like central american, almost Italian tanned. Probably the only things they really got spot on, was that ever-knowing, ever-arrogant smile and the laughing orange-yellow eyes.

His face did hold the creases that spoke volumes for a man that loved to laugh. I shook my head smiling as I looked at him. Kneeling as I was, I was actually only slightly below eye level.

“Something wrong with the book?” he asked. “Oh of all the,” he said as he glanced at what I had in my hands. “Where did you find that garbage?”

I chuckled. I knew which book it was now, though it would be impossible for me to read. “Can _you_ understand me?” I asked. His puzzled expression was all the answer I needed. I shook my head then closed the book.

Solas stepped out then. “Something the matter, vhenan?” he asked as he looked from Varric to me.

“Varric found me, _trying_ to read this,” I said lifting the book.

Solas chuckled and turned back to pulling the tent down as he asked, “Is it really all that bad? I’ve never read it.”

“Did yourself a favor there, Chuckles,” Varric retorted.

“It’s not that,” I responded after smiling at Varric as he leaned in to help Solas fold the tent up and pull the stakes.

“What then?” he finally asked as he attached the tent to the back pack and hefted it to his shoulders.

“You know we have brontos for that, right?” Varric asked. Solas shook his head down at the dwarf.

“I prefer to carry my own gear, Master Tethras.”

“Well I’ll go let Dennett know you’re up,” Varric said. Solas threw him a questioning glance. “Curly says he wants you and the lady ‘where he can see you’, and since he’s riding at the front, figured you would be too.”

Solas sighed. I smiled and reached up to him, taking his hand. He looked down at me and some of the exasperation wore off. “The Commander is doing well to make himself known,” Solas stated. I grinned and touched the skull, which only caused him to truly smile.

“Well, whatever he wants, he’s taller than me so I go along with it.” I chuckled then. He turned his attention to me then, “Would the lady prefer equine or halla?” he asked with a flamboyant bow. I smiled as he looked up at me with those laughing eyes.

“Do you have a preference, Vhenan?” Solas asked.

I placed book and skull together and held them to my chest as I stood. “I will ride whichever is not in use. I will hinder none, as I am not supposed to be here, but I am adept at riding; either will do fine.”

Solas shook his head. “She insists that she will hinder none. Let Dennett mount the others and we’ll take whatever is left.”

“Or we could tell Cullen to stuff it and walk back here,” I stated with a grin. Solas coughed and Varric threw a glance between us.

“Do I want to know?”

“She has no love for the Commander and less for his, instructions,” Solas finished with a grin.

“Ah.” Varric smiled up at me. “So you’d like to tell the commander to take his ‘instructions’ and stick them up his horses-” I shook my head then.

“I would never do that to a horse,” I said immediately. Solas’ eyes looked about to come out of their sockets for a moment.

“What’d she say?” Varric asked curiously.

Solas coughed and tried to clear his expression. “She rather bluntly stated she would never put a horse through that.” Varric guffawed, wrapping his arms around his stock torso. It took him several minutes to contain it enough to speak and he was crying when he did.

“I like her,” Varric finally said as he got his laughter under control and wiped his face. “I,” he laughed again, “I’ll let Dennett know you’ll take the lasts.” He was laughing as he walked off.

I smiled up at Solas then, a very different smile. “An excellent ally to have for things to come.” He smiled back and squeezed me to him.

“It would be best though if we did proceed towards Adaar. I still have to instruct him properly on where he’s going. He’s a long way from bright,” Solas stated in Elvish.

“I follow your lead, ma Vhenan.” He grinned and shook his head.

“The men of your world are fools,” he stated as the look in his eyes shifted. I cocked my head to the side curiously and he smoothed the hair back from my head, reminding me I would need to tie it back somehow. “Any man worth the water he drinks should know that a woman _does not_ walk behind a man.” It was not a subject open to debate for him.

I smiled and leaned up to him. He kissed me briefly and stood.

“You are horrible enough for distraction as it is,” he stated with a grin. I couldn’t stop smiling at him.

“Helping, hoping, hopelessly falling.” I grinned.

“Good morning, Cole,” I greeted and as he appeared, I dislodged myself from Solas to hug him. He hugged me back.

“You don’t have to be afraid,” he said and I straightened. “He won’t leave you.”

I froze. “Would either of you care to explain that,” Solas asked.

I ducked my head down under Cole’s chin. “Too many maybes, too many if’s. Shaking, shivering, trembling within. Can’t let him know. Differences but similarities. I have to be there. Can’t let him know.”

“Cole, please,” I said reaching my hand to his chest. “Stop.”

“Why can’t he know?” Cole asked innocently. “You would do it for him, die for him, so why can’t he know?”

“Hush, Cole.”

I could feel the heat of his anger floating over my back as he glared at me. Silence seemed to drag eternal then.

“Cole,” he finally said. “Please find the Herald and inform him that we’ll be along shortly.” He paused. “Both of us.” Unavoidably growled out there was no doubt why he’d added it on.

“She’s not trying to hurt you. She would never try-”

“Cole. Go.” There was no debate to it; Cole would leave, willingly or not.

“I’m sorry,” Cole whispered to me as he disappeared. I shivered then. The silence stretched on for several minutes

“Face me.” I turned slowly, cautiously. “Explain.” He was heaving breaths now, glaring down at me like he might decide to remove my head himself.

“I cannot, and you promised not to ask,” I said in a rush.

“By all the lights of the Fade, Aethien, what did he mean by that?!”

_Solas, please_.

“Wounded, wanting, wandering; Solas, please. Stupid girl. Staying caused problems, just not the ones you thought. Should have gone, should go. Stupid.” Cole looked up at me from behind him then. “Why?” I felt the trembling in my hands before I realized what I was reaching for. Cole’s hands covered mine. “You don’t have to go,” Cole stressed. “He’s not mad at you.”

“Presumptuous,” Solas growled.

“He’s scared. A love given deeply, deeper than any before; I knew loving her would cost me but I thought I was ready. Am I ready? Could I watch her die for it?”

I reached deeper into my will then, grasping the dragon skull tight in my hands as it radiated a heat against the cold, inside and out.

“Will not make him, should not be here. Foolish,” Cole paused. “But you’re not a stupid girl. He loves you.” I cracked against my will then, like liquid glass I watched the water ripple and buckle. Cole disappeared as Solas stepped forward. I felt it more than saw as Cole smiled lightly at me just before Solas was all of my vision. Warm arms wrapped tight around shaking shoulders.

_No. No! Should not be here. Stupid girl, wishing for the hopeless._

“Not hopeless,” Cole’s voice came from behind me. “He _does_ love you.”

_Love or lust, there are distinct differences,_ I growled in my mind. _His body is attracted to mine_.

“It is not just his body, don’t do this to yourself,” Cole pleaded and Solas hugged me tighter then.

“Do you believe what I offer you is only within my body?” he whispered into my ear.

_And magic; always magic_.

“Magic has nothing to do with it,” Cole pleaded. “You love each other, as none have. Do not run from it.” I could feel myself shivering then. “You’re not a stupid girl. You felt love, you are loved. Do not run from that.”

Solas leaned back and grasped my jaw in his hands, glaring pain down at me. _Pain?_

“He hurts for the thought of life without you, as you did, as you do,” Cole stated. “Please, vhenan. I cannot lose you; not now. Stinging, striking, shivering the blade deep into a heart he’d meant to hide. Was it all a mistake? Did she ever love me?”

“Solas.” I cried and launched myself up then, clinging to his shoulders, shaking against his strength.

“Please, no. I would die rather than cause him pain, cause him doubt. But I can’t guarantee my safety. I can’t promise I’ll come back. But I’d give up anything, everything to get it for him. He _needs_ it, needs it to stop them. I’d give anything for the chance to help him. Oh Gods, what have I done?”

“Hush, Aethien,” he whispered, lining his hand into my hair, holding my head to his shoulder as the other arm wrapped tight behind my back. “I promised not to ask. This is my fault.” I drew a breath to argue and he held me tighter. “No. Hush.” He held me there. I felt the Fade tremble as Cole disappeared.

“Solas,” I cried shaking my head into his shoulder.

“No, Vhenan,” he said and held me to him, willing me his love, his strength; I felt it shimmer across the waters of my will. “Cole is right, I will not leave you.” After a few moments time, he drew a breath. “What even brought that to your mind, ma lath?” he asked, never letting me go, never leaning forward. I trembled against him. “It isn’t that important,” he assured.

“It is,” I mumbled. “I feel incredibly happy with you, beyond thought or reason. I stare up at the face of a man I love more than anything, more than life.” He drew in a breath and squeezed me tighter. “I can hardly believe it, that you would love me back. I know what you are,” I said and hurried on, “I know _who_ you are and I fall a long way short of that.” I drew a steadying breath and snuggled down against his neck, muscles straining with clenched teeth. “I don’t know what this body is capable of, I don’t know if it will be eternal as yours, but even a few years, hell, a few months in your arms is worth dying for.”

“Enough of that,” he snapped and buried his head in my hair by my ears. He sniffed once and that was the extent any would know of his crying, but I knew him and curled my neck around to nuzzle him with my head.

[[[_Please, no more. I’ve bound myself to her. Does she not understand? Her death would rip through me like a hurricane. No simple words uttered in the dark by star-crossed lovers. I am bound to her and her to me. Vhenan, I cannot lose you._ Memories of Wisdom’s words echoed in his mind.

_ “She is yours for the taking, if you've the will for it”_

_ Will? I have the will to walk the dinan’shiral, to bury myself for the People; but to bury her?_]]]

“No more talk of you dying,” he stated, and then switched to Elvish. “To walk the dinan’shiral was my choice for me. It didn’t seem so much to ask to save the People. But,” he paused.

“No, my love,” I said and leaned back, taking a face lined in tears in my hands to stare up at him. “It is not much to ask, but it is everything.” He smiled sadly at me. “One life,” I said and paused as he glared at me through unshed tears, “is a worthy price to save _thousands_.”

“Ar te’elan ma’laima.” I tried to smile at him, but my own grief for the thought was a bit heavy for it.

“If I can help it, you won’t,” I said then pressed on as he went to interrupt, “but I cannot promise it won’t happen, so I won’t; I won’t promise that I won’t take that chance.” Images shifted through my mind then and unshed tears rolled down my face as his expression shifted to them. “You have not seen it, my love. I cannot bear to watch you suffering if the Orb is destroyed. I will do _anything_ to stop that,” I declared through the tears, through the images of his broken soul, holding the pieces of the Orb. I felt myself thrashing then, my head swaying side to side against the pain. His hands grasp tight against my jaw and my neck, steadying my gaze into his.

“I won’t lose you,” he stated. “We’ll find another way.”

_Solas._ The plea through my mind, I would die happily for the chance to be here, with him, but I wanted to _live_ happily too. He pulled me to him, snuggling me close until his mouth lay against the side of my ear and my body lined flat to his.

“We’ll find another way,” he repeated and kissed my ear lightly as he held me. I felt him straightening after a moment, composing himself to deal with the Inquisition. The Herald would need instructions to find Skyhold, he’d hidden it well. A few steadying breaths and his embrace changed. The throbbing in my chest died down and I became acutely aware of my bare feet and a distinct cold over my body.

“Not the place for a book,” a voice said behind me. I turned. While other parts of him were definitely off, there was no doubt in my mind the flamboyantly dressed, olive-skinned man was Dorian. A hand and a half shorter than Solas and emerald-eyed, it would not be hard to believe he’d seduced many women back in Tevinter, but I knew better. I smiled, but that smile vanished as he reached down. “What’s this?” I doubled as his hand touched the skull. It felt like I’d been punched in the gut. He froze and released it.

Solas stepped forward and scooped it up, handing it to me. I nodded a thank you as my breathing began to return.

“Something precious, I see,” he stated smiling at me. Solas’ shoulders came back and I placed a hand on them, using it as a disguise to help me upright.

“Thank you, Vhenan,” I said smiling at him. He held me there a moment.

“You are always welcome.”

“Is the book also yours then?” he asked extending the volume to me. I accepted it, dusting snow from the cover.

“I’m borrowing it, though I don’t know how much good it will do,” I stated.

He looked at me quizzically and I sighed. Again, I’d forgotten. Solas chuckled. “She said she’s borrowing it.” Dorian grinned then.

“Language difficulties?” he asked on his cocky grin.

Solas replied before I could. “The issue is that she understands everyone, everything said, but only speaks Ancient Elvehn. The words just won’t form for her.”

“Fascinating,” Dorian said looking down at me and Solas’ hand on my side tightened slightly. I smiled up at him, and then couldn’t help but laugh.

“Something amusing you, vhenan?” he asked through his teeth, trying not to growl.

“I know little secrets about everyone, my love,” I said turning into his arms and wrapping my arms behind his neck, one hand still holding the book, the other the skull as I whispered up into his ear. “He prefers men, ma lath.” Solas sat bolt upright a moment, his grip on my side slacking.

“You’re not serious,” he asked.

“Dirty little secrets?” Dorian asked. “Oh do tell.”

“I don’t think you’d want me to,” Solas said slowly.

“Oh, but I do love a good intrigue. Come on then,” Dorian said, straightening. “Try me.” I looked back over at him, not releasing Solas and shook my head smiling.

Dorian smiled back and I looked up at Solas, “If you must, at least keep it quiet enough so only the two of you hear. It’s rather personal to him.” Solas smiled at me a moment and with a single hand gesture, invited Dorian closer. Dorian grinned and stepped up, proffering an ear to my giant elf, mere centimeters from me.

“Go on then,” he said with his huge grin.

“She says you prefer men,” Solas whispered. Dorian stood bolt upright and stared down at me. I shook my head slowly at his question.

“I have told, and will tell, no one else,” I stated.

Solas spoke plainly then, “She says she has told, and will tell no one else. I believe she felt it was necessary to inform _me_ though,” he stated, his hand around my waist tightening slightly. Dorian did not miss it.

“I see,” he said deflated. “Any other juicy gossip I should know?” he asked flatly.

I grinned at him. “Indeed, but it can wait,” I stated and snuggled my head down against Solas’ collar bone. My head just fit so comfortably on his shoulder.

Solas chuckled then and squeezed me. “That’s not nice to do to the man,” Solas said.

“What now?” Dorian asked.

“She said, ‘Indeed, but it can wait’,” Solas quoted.

“Not nice at all,” Dorian said regaining his grin. I released Solas then and slid to my feet, the cold snow crunching between my toes.

_Still gotta do something about that_, I thought briefly before I smiled up at Dorian. “Take your pleasure where _you_ find it, Dorian. I hold no judgment over others.” Solas cocked his head before relaying the message.

Dorian looked at me for a moment as I continued to smile up at him. “Then you may be nicer than most,” he stated.

I opened my mouth to respond as Cassandra padded up on the Fereldan fodder. “Tevinter,” she greeted harshly.

“Oh, I see the cavalry has arrived to save me; late, as usual,” he said in jest. I giggled. He was always so flamboyant, about everything. How everyone didn’t know was beyond me. “Good _morning, _Seeker, or is it still night? Hard to tell,” he said and she scoffed down at him. He grinned and turned to Solas. “I bid you both a fair morning. I need to get to Dennett before all the horses are gone.” I chuckled and shooed him on.

“Fair weather, Dorian,” I said. Solas chuckled and Dorian inclined an eyebrow.

“Hard to translate; loosely, ‘good luck’,” Solas said on a grin.

With a great waving of his hand as if removing a cap and stretching his arm to the side, he bowed off to me, “My _lady_.” I chuckled again and he left with a grin.

“The Herald wants to speak with you both,” Cassandra said. “Give her here, she can ride with me,” she stated reaching down. Solas snagged me back to him.

“We can find our way, Seeker.” Cassandra glared down at him.

“Kitten, Chuckles,” Varric called over as he walked the massive nug over holding the reins of a large halla. The game had not done them justice. I should have been intimidated by Cassandra’s glare; I should have cared, but my jaw had dropped looking at the beautiful beast Varric lead behind him. Chestnut fur and dark brown eyes on a handsome beast with great antlers that would make most the huntsmen back on Earth weep. I stepped out of Solas’ grasp towards it, and Solas released slowly. I swear that the world melted by me as I stepped up to it. I hadn’t even notice Solas catching the book and skull as I reached out to it.

_Him_, I had corrected as I looked into his intelligent dark eyes.

“Beautiful.” It was a breath, but the only word I could find. I laid my hand between his nostrils and he snorted by my scent a few times before I stepped forward and slowly stroked his muzzle.

_Higher_. I inclined my head and reached a little higher on his head, scratching at the base of long giant antlers. He closed his eyes and I felt him, not purr; purr wasn’t the right word, but if larger beast could purr, if a creature greater even than a moose could purr, that was the sound. Consuming for a moment. _How kind_. I quirked my head as I stopped a moment and looked at him curiously. One eye came open. _Yes. Why shouldn’t halla be able to talk? Elves did._ I grinned and returned to scratching.

“Truly magnificent,” I said on a smile.

“Mind you don’t spoil him,” Solas said from behind me. I looked up then to see Varric grinning down at me and Cassandra actually didn’t look like a thunder cloud for once, just curious.

I turned up to Varric. “He’s wonderful.” Solas chuckled and relayed it exactly.

“Just figured that it’d be easier on you then trying to keep up on foot,” Varric said in his usual dismissing praise kind of way. I smiled at him none the less and he shrugged and urged his nug forward.

“Had you, never seen a halla before?” Cassandra asked.

“They are described in my books but,” I said on a smile and turned back up to look at the head that was longer than my torso, leaning down so I could continue to scratch. “They really didn’t capture its beauty.” Solas stepped around me smiling and lifted the reins, forcing the head up to a snort.

“She says that though they were described in her books, they were off on description,” he said as he reached over and lifted me up onto its back. He could just as easily have placed me on his shoulders as I came up off the ground another fifteen centimeters above them to rest in the saddle. Beside the fodder, I felt like I was riding in a semi, looking down at the little Hondas and beamers.

I leaned forward and patted his neck. “Magnificent.” I had known love for a mount, the horses back on Old-Man Kelly’s ranch were all special to me, but this was something else. An Elf belonged on a halla and I began to see why. He straightened, shaking his shoulders under my appraising gaze and I grinned. _Proud as the soaring eagle and powerful as the setting sun_, I thought briefly, before he drew his head back, his antlers crowning either side of me. Cassandra jumped towards the reins and Solas froze as the halla belted a cry skywards and reared up. I leaned into it and settled as he came back to his feet. I pet his neck again and he shook back in appreciation.

Turning down to Solas with a smile, I said, “I think he like me.” Solas paused a moment and chuckled.

“What,” Cassandra began as she paused several centimeters from the beast, “did she say?”

Solas sighed and then recounted my words exactly.

“He likes you?” Cassandra asked. “He could have killed you just now and you think he likes you?” I knew I shouldn’t but I could hardly help but laugh.

“He wasn’t going to kill me,” I said on a laugh.

“She says that she was certain he would not kill her,” Solas relayed as he attached his backpack to the saddle across the massive beasts back.

“Can’t you hear him?” I asked of Cassandra and Solas froze, his face wiped clean.

“What?” Cassandra asked of Solas as his gaze snapped to mine.

“What did you say?” he asked. I paused as I looked down at him in realization.

“You can’t hear him either, can you?” I asked. Solas glanced over at Cassandra, which sadly, she did not miss.

“What?” she insisted louder.

“That’s a rare gift, vhenan,” he stated in common. “The ability to understand animals and have them understand you was rare even in Arlathan.” I froze, drawing in breaths.

_Do not fear me. We are joined, rider and halla, as it should be. Do not fear_.

I pet his neck as I got my breathing under control. This was natural, to be here, on his back was the most natural thing in the world to me. Solas’ apparent displeasure tainted that slightly.

“He’s not mad,” Cole said as he appeared beside Cassandra’s beast that nudged him gently in the stomach. “He’s just worried,” Cole looking up at me.

_Blue-skies indeed_, I thought on a soft smile before I turned back to my lover. “Solas?” He seemed lost to thought and his name brought him back as he shook his head. “Did I do something wrong?” He snorted and jumped up behind me.

“No, vhenan,” he replied, reaching around me to take the reins from me.

Falon reared slightly then and I pet him. “I trust Solas with much more than my life,” I told him. “He is my mate.” The halla settled for a moment and snorted.

“It would seem he would prefer you,” Solas stated after a moment.

“He said we are halla and rider and that it is how it should be. My mate may direct him, if I truly desire it.” Solas shook his head, and then the reins as Cassandra righted herself in the saddle and trotted at our side.

“She can understand the beast then?” Cassandra asked.

I looked down at her fodder, his eyes whirling lightly with excitement. I smiled at her then. “He wants to race,” I tried to tell her.

“That would be unwise, da’len,” Solas stated. “If you have never seen one, then there is no chance you’ve ever ridden one, and there is even less chance I’d risk you for race with a Fereldan nag.” He sighed. “Especially considering this specific halla is not bred for speed racing so much strength.”

“You mean war,” I said looking down at the powerful neck. “They’ve bred a good bit of it out of him, but his line was meant for war; a partner for the fabled Emerald Knights?” Solas scoffed.

“Emerald Knights,” he said in Elvish. The words came out as if they should have accompanied multiple curse words.

“More misheard and misunderstood history?” I asked, glancing over my shoulder at him as I asked our halla to increase its pace. He jolted slightly as I shifted pace. It only took a moment to recognize the difference in riding and I adjusted. Falon found it rather amusing as I began noting the differences between horse and halla, in gait and among other things.

“You did that?” he asked. I smiled at him.

“I asked you first,” I said in jest. He grinned at me a moment and then sighed.

“The Emerald Knights are one of the most twisted parts of Elven history. Rather sickening to see them revered as heroes now.”

“You’ll have to give me the full history lesson later,” I said with a grin, “and yes, I asked Falon to increase pace.” I looked ahead then. “The little Fereldan nag as you called it was getting on my nerves. Besides,” I added glancing back at him with a mischievous grin, “not too often I’ll have the chance to watch the Seeker bounce.” I chuckled. He glanced down at her and realized acutely why she preferred walking. Cassandra hated horses, everyone knew that, but the fact the feeling was mutual was new and amusing. He smiled as he shifted to the new gait behind me.

A few moments later, we came up on Dorian who was about blistering his rear trying to ride a halla like it was a horse. I chuckled. “Dorian,” I called over to him. I suppose my voice got his attention as he bounced on the saddle. I shook my head and raised myself up in the saddle so I was balancing on my toes in the stirrups. “Side to side, not up and down,” I said purposely over exaggerating the movements. Solas yanked me back down into him with a growl.

“Interesting movements. Care to explain,” Dorian asked through teeth that kept bouncing off with the jarring.

“She was instructing you to balance from foot to foot instead of bouncing like a ragdoll.” I looked back at my lover with a disapproving smile.

Dorian tried to shift then and found his rhythm after a moment. “Thank you for that,” he said as he adjusted. I nodded to him as Solas shifted the reins to one hand and slid the other arm around my waist, pulling me back to him.

“And_ that _will be the last time you shake your ass for another man,” he growled into my ear. I chuckled.

“Well since you brought it up,” I began and he grumbled, “anything else you want to discuss about my ass?” I asked as seductively as I could, purposely pushing myself back against him. He growled and nipped down on my neck.

“If that’s where you want it, keep that up,” he growled into my ear. He was an adept at riding as well I learned. We caught up to the Herald and the Commander after a moment and slowed to leisurely walk. I pet Falon’s neck as we calmly walked beside the Herald.

“Seriously?” Cullen demanded as we slowed. Solas straightened slightly, one hand on the reins, the other around my waist.

“Problem, Commander?” Solas asked calmly, keeping his eyes forward, pretending he needed to focus on the trail.

Cullen glared over at Cassandra who shrugged. Adaar looked up at us and smiled. “Morning, Solas, Oracle,” he greeted. I quirked an eyebrow to the title.

Solas chuckled. “Good morning, Herald.”

“I do not care for that title, Adaar,” I said warningly.

“What was that about,” the Herald asked.

Solas glanced down at him before returning his gaze to the path ahead. “She would prefer you not call her that, Herald. It rather upset her.”

“Sorry,” he said. “What should I call you?” he asked politely. Cassandra smiled lightly and it made it very hard to stay angry.

_So he’s already begun weakening those walls_. I looked down at him but as I went to speak, Varric spoke up. _How did his little nug keep up with Falon?_

_Different movements in the legs_, Falon answered. I smiled and patted Falon then.

“I’m going with Kitten,” Varric said.

“Kitten?” Adaar asked, his lip curling around the word like a spikey fruit.

“Yeah, you know, the cute, adorable little thing that attacks your feet and makes you laugh when you least expect it,” Varric explained, and I chuckled.

“Her name,” Solas stressed, “is Aethien. Not Kitten,” he growled. I chuckled again.

“It couldn’t be more inappropriate,” I said on a laugh touching the skull in my hands gently. “Come, my love, you must see the humor in calling a dragon a cute kitten.” I couldn’t stop laughing. He smiled.

“Aethien,” he began, “I do not find the twisting of names amusing.”

“Relax, Chuckles,” Varric called. “She obviously prefers Kitten to Oracle.” I sighed on a smile then. “See. Kitten it is.”

Adaar sat uncomfortably for a moment on his trotting beast. “So, ah, Aethien,” he stumbled throwing a sidelong glance at Varric, “do you know where we’re headed?” I nodded.

“More or less. I’ve heard it described but I’ve never seen it. I’m looking forward to finally getting to see it,” I stated looking ahead, a huge grin across my face. I felt a little like the stories I’d read of a bride brought home to her husband’s castle and the thought kept me grinning.

“She says she’s read the description in her books, but she is looking forward to seeing it in person.”

Adaar shivered. “I just feel awkward, trying to scout ahead to somewhere I don’t know exists.”

I smiled down at him. “If you knew where you were going, it wouldn’t be called scouting; it would be called leading.”

Solas chuckled before relaying my phrase.

“I suppose,” Adaar said. “I just don’t like not having a game plan.” Cassandra smiled at him again.

“You will get used to it in time,” she assured. He grinned and kneed his steed forward. _He _apparently did not suffer from Cassandra’s problem and rode just fine.

I looked back at Solas. “Does he know what he’s scouting for?”

Solas responded in Elvish, “I gave him points to look for to tell him he was going the right way.” Solas sighed. “I’m not happy about this, Vhenan. Giving one of my homes to the Inquisition,” he began. I snuggled back against him.

“Please trust me, Solas,” I said on a whisper. “This has to happen and it will serve you in the future.” He sighed and squeezed me about the waist again.

“It’s hard to take on faith, but from what I’ve seen, doubting you would be a fool’s errand.” He smirked on a scoff. “Probably half of why we haven’t seen the spymaster.” I looked about.

“Where is Leliana?”

“Probably ‘inspecting the wagon train’,” he said with another scoff.

“You mean at the rear of the army?” He nodded. “I did not mean to exile her.”

“That happens when you nearly get everyone killed because you won’t listen though,” he stated. I sighed. “What becomes of her is not your doing, it is her own,” he stated.

I stroked the skull again. It was a soothing warm in my hands. I couldn’t explain it. The bone itself was indescribable. It was obviously bone, but warm to my touch and felt smooth, smoother than bone should be.

His hand laid over mine after a time and I felt him shift against me. “Do not upset yourself with it,” he advised. “You have enough to take on without that.” I shivered a moment and he tucked me closer. A thought hit me after a moment and I chuckled. “What is it, Vhenan?” he asked, finally returning to the common tongue.

“Just realizing that I should have tried to pull forward some manner of foot wear.” He chuckled.

“When we stop tonight, I’ll find you something,” he stated behind me. I looked back at him puzzled. “What is it?” he asked.

“I,” I stopped and reorganized my thoughts. “I suppose I don’t really have a grasp on distance here.” He raised an eyebrow. “In the books it literally jumped from sitting in that camp, the song and then you talking with the Herald to the final steps ‘over a high mountain rise to behold a building that appeared born of the rock around it’ and you telling the Herald only one word; ‘Skyhold’.” He laughed outright then and several of the others looked up at us as he wiped his eyes.

“Afraid it takes a good bit more than the turning of a page to travel here, Vhenan,” he stated on a chuckle. The others grinned. I felt a little embarrassed by it.

Some hour or so later, Adaar came riding back to us with a stupid grin. “He found the marker,” Solas whispered in my ear. He nodded down to Adaar who pulled in beside us.

“We continue and turn due north at the fork,” he announced.

_At least the directions are the same_, I thought, still feeling a little miffed by the embarrassment.

_You really worry too much what other’s think of you_, Falon echoed back. _You are my rider; let them find their own forms of envy over it. They are below me and so should be below your notice._ I smiled and pet the neck of this magnificent animal.

“While I have infinite respect and love for you, my friend, I will never view another as being ‘below my notice’. All with life, are due acknowledgement. Those who earn, are due respect.” He shook slightly.

_You’re way of thinking may cause you more pain_, he admitted to me. I grinned.

“Perhaps, but I don’t know another me to be other than me.”

“And you should not try to be,” Solas stated as he handed me the reins. I took them but looked back at him curiously. He couldn’t see me at first as he’d twisted to pull something from the back pack and threw a cloak about his shoulders. I looked around to see the others doing likewise, before I looked up and saw why. We had left into clear skies, so I had not considered, but here it was mid-morning and the skies were nearly as dark as when I woke. I looked back at him and held up the book. He smiled and tucked the book away in the pack, then pulled me back flush to him and wrapped the cloak around us both.

“You’ve _got_ to be kidding,” I heard in Cullen’s baritone. I couldn’t see anything outside that cloak though. It was layered over the halla, saddle and all, one end wrapped from Solas’ left shoulder over me and across his right leg and the right was over that, stretched all the way over the other leg. Another weird ass cloth. The top edges looked almost serpent scale-ish and the inside seemed lined with a fine almost-silk. I fingered it a moment before he asked me not to move it and I stilled myself.

Within minutes I was grateful for the serpent-like outside as the rain beaded and rolled off of it, not long after that freezing rain drifted into snow instead. _Well the game never said anything about riding through another bloody blizzard_, I thought sourly as I attempted to just place the voices of those around us shouting over the winds.

Solas only called to one of them once. “If you would like to disturb the natural order of wind and snow, Warden, you may wish to try another mage.” Something was shouted back and whatever it was stiffened his spine and soured his facial expression. I placed a hand to his thigh as we rode. He half-smiled down at me for a moment before returning to his angered look and the path ahead.

_Why do they anger him so?_ I directed to Falon.

_They suggest that maybe your magics could do what his could not_. I sat bolt upright for a moment. That could cause more than mild problems. I was not suited to their world let alone their combat needs. _I do not believe they wished you fight. Only change the weather patterns to convenience them. _

I grinned. _That would never happen. I would not, even if I could. Doing something like that would have backlashes across all of Thedas._

_Your mate said something similar_. I smiled. _That was when they suggested maybe you’d be willing._

I chuckled. “They will learn eventually that if Solas told them no, asking me would be pointless.”

“No about what, Vhenan,” he asked.

“Falon was letting me know that they had asked you to change the weather for them and it had irritated you, and then to cap it they asked you to ask me to do it for them instead,” I said on a laugh.

“You find it amusing, vhenan?”

“More than a little,” I responded and followed on with, “You could have and I would have told them to take a flying leap off Amaranthine’s docks.”

“Amaranthine doesn’t have docks,” he stated.

“I know.” He chuckled then and snuggled me closer against the side of his head and a single snow flake landed on my nose which only caused him to chuckle again and he sat upright with a brief glance to the side before returning to the path.

“It would seem the Commander prefers Leliana’s company,” he said down to me.

_Good riddance,_ I thought briefly.

_You do not care for the metal one?_ Falon asked. I thought hard on a few images and the great halla snorted. _I can’t say I blame you then. I would not care for one of my own that would sit by and allow such things, and _we _are considered ‘docile’._

I chuckled and pet his neck again under the folds of the cloak.

“Talking with the halla again?” Solas asked.

“Falon was asking after my hatred for ‘the metal one’.”

“Ah,” Solas replied.

_Your mate is easily jealous of other’s attention_, Falon stated.

“He hasn’t had a chance to get to really know me yet,” I said down to Falon, not really realizing I was saying it aloud. “He’ll see in time he has no need to be jealous.”

“Will I?” Solas asked and I blushed hard and swallowed. “How do you imagine that?” he asked curtly.

I smiled. Falon had only noticed because my attention to the halla was diverting attention from him and Falon was feeling it. I leaned back into him. “When you accept the truth, ma lath, you will fully understand why you have no reason to fear that; not from Cullen, not from anyone. I am yours.” He snorted and I snuggled further back against him. “Yours has never been an easy mind to just convince of anything, so I don’t bother pushing it. You’ll see in time and until then, you’ll just have repeated examples to run your theories into the ground against.” He was so warm against my back and the chilling winds outside, (and maybe the day had been a bit much) so I just drifted off between his arms, laying back against him to the soft slide to and fro on the halla’s back.

“Get the people back!” was the first thing I heard shouted by Cassandra as I came awake. I sprung forward. It was an auto-response. I had no idea where I was as I slid full awake, tumbling off the side of Falon into the drifting snow. Falon reared high then, but Solas remained seated. I had no time or thought to give the majestic halla though. A brief glance about and I knew what we were up against. Solas tried to wheel Falon around to grab me but I was already in motion.

_I am mage. I require no weapon. I bring my own_, were the only thoughts as I threw my hands out to either side and matching sets of my daggers back home were there, lined in veil crystals. No time to assess. It was instinct. The bandits had brought dogs with them and these were starved, beaten beasts, nothing like my Karl. I slid under one, dodging a bite as my blade came up past its jugular, spraying blood all over my clothing. The hound fell whimpering as I dashed passed him to his master. This one didn’t go down as easy as I’d wished. A sword met one dagger, and then the shield blocked the other. A fast blow in and he had his blade sliding by my hip. The pain fueled a hatred I had not felt in a long time. I fell back from the blow to see him sizzle in his armor as a lightning blast fried him in it. No time for thanks for now, I spun to face another hound, claws digging into my shoulders as I opened his jaw wider with the blade of my dagger. I looked up as I kicked the dog off of me and saw a great brute of a bandit in full body armor.

_Fine_, I thought and threw the daggers down into the snow and felt in, even as I felt my daggers disappear back into the Fade. My will rippled high and rose to my call in a cascading wave. I cast my hands forward from my chest then quickly as if trying to expel my ribs forward and between my hands formed a claymore. I gripped the hilt and it solidified before me. I glared at the brute and charged, one great sword to another, but he wasn’t the only one trained with them. Blocking, swinging, dancing around each other, my world was my enemy, as it had been when Leo and I would practice. The sword came high once and I drove by him, finally finding my opening. The blade crashed through his armor with a soul-squealing screech as it shattered inward and ripped through. My mistake, I didn’t move my feet fast enough. Before he could realize he was dead, he swung down and damned near severed my Achilles.

I don’t care who you are or how badass you think you are, the moment that tendon goes, so do you. The blade came down. I let out a scream and released my blade in agony as I fell. I was fortunate to have a Cole to catch me or my own blade might have been my end right there. I could feel Cole’s cool hand on my head as he slowly lowered me back in the snow. Then other hands, but my vision was blurred with tears and pain and the noises sounded so jumbled. My heart beat in my ears and at one point I had to swallow a horrid liquid, but gods it hurt so bad to sit up like that. My last conscious thoughts for a while, _Please tell me Solas is safe_.

No Fade, no dreams, no thoughts. Dreamless, pain-filled sleep, occasionally thrashing against the pain was my memories for a few days. I think at one point it was a mage or some healer standing by Falon’s side as she unwrapped my ankle. It hurt to have her touch it, but my attempts to push her away had my hands caught up gently to my shoulders as I was pushed back into that warm familiar chest to fall to the pain again.

Faintly things were starting to feel; I could feel we were moving. I could feel the warmth behind me, the cloak scratching and catching on the bandages around my ankle. The cold air on my face as I felt the bandages over my side, sticky and stiff and the hardened one over my shoulder slowly as I came to. Falon nickered lightly.

_You return to us,_ he greeted. I smiled faintly. My body felt sore and stiff in a dozen places. Everything felt, distant. _Well not completely_, he amended. He shook his head and Solas looked down at me.

“Vhenan. Tel uth te enfenim mah sal,” he growled, switching the reins to one hand to squeeze me back to him. It hurt a little to stretch my side and it took me a moment to understand him.

“I didn’t mean to frighten you,” I replied. I sounded exhausted even to my ears. Finally I struggled up and turned to look over my left shoulder, since it hurt too much to stretch over the right. “Are you alright, ma lath?” He looked down at me incredulously, his eyes shifting through multiple expressions.

Finally he spoke. “Fenhedis Lasa! Really?!” He demanded, his blue eyes blazing love and fury all at once. I felt a dozen other eyes. “You nearly get yourself killed and you want to know if _I’m_ alright?”

“You’re what matters,” I mumbled against the pain that was trying to suck me back down into unconsciousness.

“Etunash! Gaelathe Etunash!” he shouted down at me. All I could do was smile back at him as the warmth won over the pain and I succumbed to the darkness again.

My next waking, I was laying in the tent as he was unwrapping a bandage roll and laid it out beside him. _He’s okay_, I thought happily as he turned back to me.

“Aethien.” There was no disguise in the relief in his voice. I reached up to him and he cupped the hand to his cheek, snuggling into it. “Athena, I didn’t- I wasn’t trying to,” he started and I slid my thumb to the side to press against his lips.

“I’m not dying, wolf. Knock that off. I just hurt.” He smiled on a scoff. “Give me a day or so and I’ll be back to usual,” I choked out as I struggled upright.

“You should really be resting,” he said even as he helped me up.

“Rested enough,” I retorted and tried to sit over the edge of the bed but my leg just wouldn’t move right. I reached down then and moved it myself, gritting my teeth against the pain of the foot shifting. I set it on the floor and sat back a moment and drew in a few breaths. I could feel him watching me, worrying over my every move, but I was no tiny blossom to be doted on like some fool Orlesian wench. I sat forward with a sigh. _Might as well assess the damage_, I thought and leaned forward. I reached to unwrap my foot and he caught my hands with a look that was far too easy to read. “I need to know how bad it is, so I know how far to push it or not,” I explained up at him.

“Or you could just trust the people who have been changing the bandages for four days now,” he retorted. I chuckled up at him. “Does it-”

“No, my love,” I interrupted. “It doesn’t amuse me that you’ve had to tend my injuries while I’ve been unconscious. It amuses me that that seems to have been my longest restful sleep since I landed in that snow bank.”

He looked like he might remark for a moment, then sat still, still holding my hands away from my ankle but still. “At least let me do it. I know how it was tied on, so I won’t yank it where it doesn’t need to be,” he stated.

“How do you know I’d yank it?” I asked. He didn’t dignify that with more of a response than to snort at me and begin unknotting the handiwork.

I will be the first to admit, it hurt like hell to have him pull that away. I was never more aware of the need of pain killers than when I was sitting on that bed, gripping the furs as he gently pulled the bandage away. When finally the full thing was open to the air, I had to bite down hard to keep from gasping in pain. The cold air made it hurt a lot more. I drew in a few steadying breaths before I leaned forward to assess. He had only just leaned back to reach for an earthenware pot as I put a finger to my nearly exposed ankle.

I hissed and he cursed again and glared at me. “Look,” I finally said looking up at him. “I have to know the extent of damage. If it’s going to bother you that much, maybe you should step out for a few minutes and give me a second. Or pull your teeth back in and sit back a moment.” He growled slightly at that but remained otherwise still. I returned to my examination then, careful to move the leg as little as possible as I turned my torso around it. My side still felt stiff so the turning was harder but I managed.

The tendon itself seemed to have been stitched or sealed back together, that was good. The muscles above and below were still coated in blood and remnants of white blood cells. _It’ll need to be cleaned before a new bandage is applied._ The bones thankfully were not visible, _seems he caught the tendon but mostly fleshy bits_. I sighed and turned around to the inside. It would likely take me a while to be able to walk straight again. I gave it maybe a month if I was careful. _Ha. Like I’ve ever been careful with recovering injuries. I’ll be back on it in a week. Watch me_, I told myself. I swallowed as I assessed the final bits of damage.

“Probably need to be cleaned before I rewrap it,” I mumbled as I turned back the other way to be certain the heel was not caught on that side in the slide. He held up the earthenware pot. I cocked my head at him.

“It’s a soap of sorts, specific for injuries,” he stated.

_Alright, so they have a form of saline rinse here. Color me impressed_.

“May I?” he asked then, though I could hear the ‘now’ at the end of the impatient question.

“Please,” I said and sat upright, seeing the bandage on my shoulder.

“Leave that be a moment,” he ordered as he began scrubbing the gritty powder against the injury. I nearly screamed then. I set my teeth and a few gasp (maybe) came out as whines. His expression shifted a few times between careful doctor and pained lover.

As he finished scrubbing and applying the most horrid smelling ointment of all time to it, he lifted it gently and began rewrapping it. “I don’t suppose,” he began, never looking up at me though his expression remained the pained lover for the last while and seemed only to be getting worse, “that there is any chance I could get you to promise never to charge off like that again, is there?” He finally looked up at me then.

I sighed looking down at him, my mind already trying to explain why that just wasn’t possible, and he went back to his work.

“I didn’t truly think so but it had to be asked,” he stated sadly, grimacing against each time the bandage pulled a little tight and I winced.

Physical pain was something I was used to. I’d mentioned it before. The pain was dropping into that throbbing range that just lets you zone it out, but Solas’ suffering was another matter. As he knotted off the bandage and rose to remove the bandage on my hip, I slid my hand under his chin and he looked up at me.

I opened my mouth to talk and he pulled my hand away gently. “You don’t have to explain it, Athena,” he said softly in Elvish. He returned to his work then as he continued talking keeping it all in Elvish. “Wisdom told me it would be foolish to ask as I couldn’t promise it in reverse any more than I could truly ask you to accept it.” He tugged slightly, the final breaking of white blood cells from the skin and swiftly placed a smaller bandage over it as the blood welled in absence of white blood cells. “I know I have no right to ask you to hide somewhere, to stay safe just so I know you are. It just isn’t in your spirit to be hoarded away somewhere,” he finished as he dabbed at the wound. Mostly healed by the look of it and barely stinging from where the blood cells had severed. “This shouldn’t need much more,” he said in common, before continuing in Elvish. “It is wrong of me to ask you to go against your nature, even for me. I would not ask it of my oldest friends. I should not ask it of you.” That stung a little, but I think somehow he noticed that. “I don’t mean it that way,” he paused, and turned to rub the grit over the wound here to. I tried not to hiss at the pain but sadly ultimately failed. “I’m sorry, my love. I know it doesn’t feel well, but it is necessary.”

“So was.” I stopped. “Solas, I’ve been alone for so long. I don’t think or count on others to fight for me,” I blurted and he looked up at me confused. “When,” I sighed and drew a steadying breath before I began again. “When Cassandra’s shout woke me, I didn’t think; I reacted. My first thought to get my own feet under me, assess the danger by level,” I said and took his head between both hands as I stared down at him, “and protect the only thing that matters to me. I,” I broke off as I felt the tears fighting me and this time for a whole different pain. He raised a bloodied hand to lay over mine and leaned into the hand on his face. _Much easier understanding between animalistic minds_, I thought as his actions only made clear that was the same reason he was angry with me for doing it. He finally looked back up at me after a few moments and his look needed no words to affirm or destroy the feelings of minds; I was not the only one protecting what truly mattered.

And then I did something stupid; I tried to lean forward to kiss him and damn near yelped in pain as the foot came down with the pressure into the bedding. His first response thankfully had been to force me back, up and off of it. The pain was letting me know a little too well it was still there. He held me there and sighed at me with that exasperated look. “Sorry,” I got out against the pain. “I,” I hissed as the pain hit again, “I just wanted, ah, to kiss you.” He shook his head and leaned down to me. It was not a passionate kiss, but a patient one.

He sat up slightly looking sadly down at me before he could get his composure in order to return to Dr. Solas. “Now please lie still so I can finish.”

I smiled against the pain. “Yes, my love,” I agreed and laid back trying not to wince too hard against the pain as he cleaned and re-bandaged my side. He kissed me once more before he removed the bandage over my shoulder. I glanced over.

“This shouldn’t need another bandage. Just needs rest,” he said and glared at me a moment. I smiled at him and laid back, closing my eyes.

_He might learn a little too fast_, I thought briefly as he wiped the blood from around the wound. If I had to guess, shoulder and hip were going to scar over and if I was lucky it would only be a discoloration of skin once my ankle healed. He finished and I heard him shifting things around for a moment before he returned to the bed roll and stopped. I opened one eye up at him with a smile. He smiled down at me as he handed me the book I’d had before the storm.

My expression cleared then and he sat by me. “What’s wrong?” he asked. “I thought you liked reading.” I smiled up at him.

“I love reading, vhenan, but I can’t read that,” I stated.

“There are others she lent,” he began to rise and I grabbed his wrist.

“You misunderstand, Solas,” I stated and he paused looking confusedly down at me. “I _can’t_ read that,” I stressed. “I don’t know the language it’s in.” Solas paused a moment and then his face registered it and he had a complete ‘well, duh’ moment as he sat back down and smiled at me.

“You can’t speak the language, but it never occurred to me that you couldn’t read it,” he admitted with a grin. I thought on it for a moment.

“Vhenan.”

“Yes?” he asked looking down at me with that smile I’d fallen in love with. I smiled back up at him briefly before returning to my thoughts and feeling it fall away.

“I’m not sure if I’ll be able to read Elven either,” I said. “I wasn’t raised here, I have no idea what the symbols would mean.”

He smiled. “You speak Ancient Elvehn perfectly, ma Vhenan. I am relatively certain of your abilities to read, but we’ll see about that after we reach Skyhold.” He still stuttered over the word.

I smiled up at him.

“For now,” he stated, “I will respectfully return these to the Seeker.” He stood and gathered the books. “I’m sure she will understand when it occurs to her as it did me.”

“Solas?” Cassandra’s voice was heard from outside. I struggled to try to rise and he placed a hand on my good shoulder, holding me down to the bedding.

“Afraid you’ll have to enter, Seeker. I have an unruly patient,” he stated glaring down at me. Cassandra stepped inside the tent and looked over at us.

Finally she looked up at him. “How is she doing?”

“The wounds are healing, but it’s unlikely she’ll have use of the leg for another moon or more,” he announced and I scoffed, which was only met by two very ferocious glares.

“We’ll see,” I stated looking away from them.

“Vhenan,” he stressed and I threw him a sideways glance and returned to looking away.

“Maker, now I know what I looked like,” Cassandra said on a laugh. I glared up at her then. “Stubborn to a fault. Forgive me, Solas, but I am glad it is you that understands her and not me. I might have lost my temper already,” she said on a chuckle, before she took in the surrounding totally. “Something wrong with the books?”

“She can’t read them,” Solas stated and Cassandra began to get offended so he hurried on. “She doesn’t know the language they are written in.”

“Oh.” Cassandra paused a moment. “I’m sorry,” she finally said. “I had not considered that.”

Solas grinned. “Neither had I,” he admitted and Cassandra smiled at him and accepted the books back.

“I am pleased to hear she will heal,” Cassandra stated and spared me a glance before adding, “and I am eternally grateful to the Maker it is not me that will need to keep her off that foot.” Solas scoffed.

“She does need her rest though, Seeker. If you could ask the others,” he began.

“I will be certain you are not disturbed,” Cassandra assured.

“Ma Sarennas, Seeker,” Solas said gratefully. Cassandra grinned.

“Goodnight, ‘Kitten’,” she said with a laugh as she left.

_Great, his nickname was catching_. I sighed. Solas shook his head as he bound down the tent flap.

“My attempts to dissuade the nickname have met a predictable end,” Solas admitted. I smiled up at him.

“If it’s any consolation, he’ll call you ‘Chuckles’ until the day they bury him,” I told him. He smiled down at me and took my hands in his.

“I was worried for a while there, Athena,” he told me gently. “I honestly thought,” he trailed off as he looked away. I gripped his hand and smiled encouragingly up at him.

“Solas, you are a long way from being about to get rid of me, so I suggest you get used to my presence,” I stated. He seemed confused a moment then scoffed and smiled down at me.

“If fate has a kindness at all, I will never be rid of you,” he stated as he leaned down and kissed me briefly. I grimaced as he sat back up, but before he could ask I spoke.

“Would you like to know the absolute worst thing about these stupid injuries?” I asked against the grimace.

“Go on,” he urged gently, obviously fearing he’d missed something.

“They completely kill libido,” I stated on a grin. He smiled down at me.

“We’ll have to make up for it once you’re healed,” he ultimately said after a few moments.

“I’ll hold you to that,” I stated, as I laid back into the bed roll. He slid over me and pulled me onto my good side, gently me to him.

“Mind the foot,” he cautioned.

“For the chance to sleep in your arms again,” I began as I snuggled against him, “I can suffer through a bit of pain,” I finished, laying my head against his chest and curling in against him. Though, I did try to keep my foot back. The moment his arms were around me, I knocked out.

I woke to him shifting in the morning. I went to move closer and shifted that stupid foot and started cursing in every language I knew; Elvish, English, Tevinter, Qunaadar, even a few Spanish words mixed in there. I have never been more aware of every nerve in my leg than I was then. I could not, for my best efforts now, explain why, but both hands had hold of my thigh as if I could choke the pain off there but it slid up my spine all the same. I laid there like that a moment until warm hands dislodged mine and forced me to lay back. I looked up through mist-filled eyes, as Solas eased my leg flat against the spasming. It hurt so very badly. I tried to reach up to him at one point, but he took my hand, kissed it gently and set it back by my side.

“Be still, ma vhenan,” he urged gently. The pain died down after what felt like a small eternity.

“Everything alright, Solas?” Bull’s voice would always be distinctive, even if Freddy Prince Jr. was not the voice behind him. He was boisterous and healthy bass vibration.

“We are fine, Iron Bull,” Solas called back.

“That didn’t sound ‘fine’,” Dorian shot back. Solas passed a hand over his face and breathed a calming breath.

“She stirred in her sleep and caught the ankle,” he announced.

“Ouch,” Bull said, followed shortly by the crunching sound of heavy footsteps as I lifted the foot enough to sit up, against his urging. I brought my breath back under control sitting there, hugging my knee to my chest.

“Do you require additional assistance, Apostate?” I raised an eyebrow to that one. He shook his head briefly.

“No, thank you, Enchanter. She will be fine now that she is awake.”

“As you’d have it.”

_Ah. Vivienne. She certainly sounds different. A heavier accent, richer tones and almost but not quite soothing pitch; her voice feels like watching a beautifully colored snake constrict a mouse. You know how it’s going to end, but you watch anyway because you can’t look away._ Solas took my face in his hands, and I realized then I’d been swaying a little.

“I’ll be alright, ma lath,” I stated. I tried to sound as encouraging as I could but I seriously felt sick to my stomach.

“You look pale, Athena,” he stated softly.

I grinned and looked up at him. “I am pale.” He glared down at me a moment.

“Not what I meant,” he stated. I smiled up at him and leaned over to kiss his palm.

“I know what you meant, ma Lath,” I stated and tried to steady myself against the dizzy spells. _Spells?_ I shook my head then. Not a good idea, by the way, to shake your head when you’re already dizzy. He had to support my body then as I nearly blacked out. I started groping around then, searching. “Skull,” I managed to get out. Cole appeared beside me and held out the dragon skull. My hand grasped over it and I drew in hard.

“No!”

It was the last thing I remembered before I was standing on the lake of will, shimmering out in ripples around me. I couldn’t see the shore in any direction. The lighting always sucked here, it was like only a few flickering stars reached these depths to illuminate faint whites and blues in the black waters. I watched the ripples numbly for a moment. I didn’t hurt as much standing here. My leg throbbed lightly but the sick feeling dissipated and the dizziness was gone. It was so nice just to feel one pain instead of the cacophony. I looked down at the leg. It was actually dripping blood.

_That’s not right,_ I thought briefly. The blood dripped from my toes to touch the water and it shimmered across to the extent of my vision with the ripples. _Definitely not right._ I straightened then and placed feet gently to the waves. It stung across my body to touch the water at all, but I had had enough of this. I looked down at the water below me, blacker than night has ever reached, absolute empty black and I would swear it looked back. The girl in the reflection was but wasn’t me. I cocked my head to the side and so did she but she grinned up at me and I was frowning. The water began moving, I could feel it moving around me, the will forming and shifting. She opened her mouth and belted a dragon’s roar. I understood then. She was me; she was my dragon, my core. I reached into the water then, I felt my hand break through the waters as if I were pushing it through my skin but her hand rose to join me. We were us, and then, we were…free.

I fell forward onto the ground before me, shaking, Solas’ arms around my shoulders as I heard the voices behind me.

“How can you honestly not believe_ that _should be Tranquil?” it was Cullen’s voice.

I felt the dragon, the skull still in my hand but I felt her within me, part of me. I pushed the arms around me away as I forced myself to stand. Other hands tried to interfere, tried to help or stop me, but I banished them away with a flip of my hand that forced a tight ring of water flaring up from the ground around me. I felt her roar through me and felt the shimmering of the water over my skin as it rose, felt it seal my arm gently as the water rushed over it, clean without mark as the skin regrew and tightened as if it had never been injured. I felt it pass over my hip and repeat the process. The bandages fell away, washed to the ground with the water. It touched my injuries all, and sealed them. The foot was tender but the ligament extended and formed new tissue as the muscles and skin around repaired. I knew my anatomy, she knew our anatomy and we healed us in that movement of water and will. The water fell by us as the will propelling it upper wards released, and we stood before a dozen. Completely without the shield of garments, I looked them all over.

I was complete. We were complete. I saw Solas, his gaze wide as he looked me over, frozen in mid step. All noise had stilled around us save the creaking of the not-quite-pine trees in the wind; all eyes were on me. I looked at all of them impartially. Only one here mattered to me and I knew now that if I had to, I could fly him far away from here. There was no maybe, no doubt there. I was dragon. I stepped forward and felt the pain echo through my leg. I looked down at it and felt the twinge. It would hurt for a little while yet. I straightened and found a hundred open mouths.

“Catching flies?” I asked calmly. Solas coughed and translated and Vivienne began laughing, which precipitated the rest to begin chuckling as well, save two; Cullen and an older man I could only assume was Blackwall by the Grey Warden armor he wore.

“Most amusing,” Vivienne spoke. Again she sounded like watching a snake kill; beautiful and deadly. I inclined my head slightly to her. “No Demon here, Commander,” she stated looking me over. “She possesses very special magics that would have been carefully managed in the Circle, but she is no Demon.” With Vivienne’s announcement, the crowd around me seemed to breathe a sigh of relief.

Cullen stepped forward, hand on his sword hilt. “That’s a dangerous assumption, Lady Vivienne,” he stated.

“I do not _assume_ anything, darling,” she stated. “The woman is no Demon, dangerous perhaps, but any woman is,” she pronounced boldly, “a mage even more so.”

I quirked a half-smile at her.

“But how can you be certain,” Cullen demanded drawing his blade. A dozen went to move then but I raised one hand and held them all in place, the water binding every limb present. Vivienne’s eyes went round as saucers.

“Commander, come near me holding anything in your hands and I will be happy to remove the offending appendages.” I lowered my hand then as silence consumed all. I looked over at Solas. He choked out a copy of what I’d said and Cullen blushed hard. Vivienne, breathing deeply, smiled lightly, but her eyes remained lock on me. “I do not need to be a demon to defend myself. I am no circle-slave.” I looked about then and Cole appeared beside me. I smiled up at him as he held out my garments. “Thank you, Cole.”

Solas coughed. “She said she does not need to be a demon to defend herself. She says,” he paused and stood, “that she is no circle-slave.” That caused an uproar but he had no eyes for it and I had no time for it as I turned to Cole and blatantly ignored the rest of them and just started dressing. Solas’ pants he’d leant me would need to be mended and cleaned as they were blood coated and torn over the hip, but the slit there seemed almost an accent as I pulled the bottom shirt under and tied the pants on with the belt. I slipped the top shirt over and noted I would need to repair those as well.

_Ah well, things for later_. I looked up then and sent my will out across the ground in search of my friend. The clattering came as everyone moved away. Falon came to me running by others to nudge at my stomach, the stump of some tree branch still attached to the end of his reins. I reached down and negligently tossed the stump away as I pet his nose up to the base of his antlers where I obediently scratched for a moment. Quiet there, in my mind, listening only to Falon, drowning out the sounds of the dozen arguing fools.

Adaar’s roar ultimately broke the squabble. “Enough!” All stilled. “A decision has been made. Ready your things to leave. Now!” I smiled over at him. That was the Inquisitor I needed. I inclined my head to him as he looked over and I watched him shiver as he walked away. The others began scrambling then. The sun was already cresting the mountain. They should have already had the camp packed and people mounted and orders began than.

Cullen glared at me for a while but I gave him nothing. He had nothing. He no longer had anger held there. The dragon quenched that. He was not significant enough to hate. A foolish little ant that watched other ants die and suffer, that wanted to squash his own. _Hardly my problem._ It was a different kind of feeling than I was truly used to but it felt the most contained but not.

I was free but in complete control. No leashes but known boundaries, no chains only realizations of what we would be okay with and not. Damn their laws and feelings. _This was why wolves were not often found with dragons_, I heard myself say. _Most wolves want to involve themselves with the sheep. We have no need_. I smiled truly then and Cullen shivered and walked off._ Fool. I do not smile for you. I smile because I hunt something much larger than ants, or even sheep. I hunt other wolves._

“Feeding, falling, freedom in the largest sense; will you be alright now?” Cole asked. I smiled over at him.

_Neither ant nor sheep nor wolf. Beautiful little creature. You still bring us such amazing joy_. “I believe so, yes, Cole,” I answered and smiled out over the scrambling ants. “I believe now, I will be.” I looked back into those sky-blue eyes again and he met my smile. He grinned and disappeared. _Off to help others_. My smile held as I perused, searching for my wolf. His gaze met mine and I stepped towards him. It was still a slight limp as the pain was still present but he moved to accommodate and he held me to him. He was silent a while, but I didn’t mind. His scent was stronger now, or…I could smell it better. Easing and arousing all at once, I snuggled up against him. It felt strange somehow, that the wolf was larger than the dragon, but I found I preferred it, so it remained. His strength wrapped around me was balm against the chill winds. Say what you will, but no dragon likes ice chunks lining the creases of their toes.

“Vhenan?” It was a greeting as much as a question. I hugged him back. It was a tender hug as the shoulder still vibrated sore touches of nerve endings repairing, but I snuggled closer.

“For as long as you want it, ma lath,” I answered. Our voice had shifted slightly. We were in a deeper octave and I cleared my throat. It would be better to leave the dragons’ voice in the dragon and she agreed. _Harder to pronounce things on this tongue_. I smiled.

He held me tighter then. “Athena, I,” he began and I purposely sat back and looked up at him.

“Worry less for me, ma Vhenan,” I said and she shimmered across our face. His eyes showed that he saw. “I am more resilient than most.” He took my face in his hands and in Elvish asked me a question that dug from his core too obviously.

“What have you done?” I smiled at him.

“I found her,” I answered. He sat up a moment. I looked down at the skull still in my hand and he followed my gaze, before he jerked my head back up to look at him. A dozen questions plaguing his eyes, sliding across so fast I had no time to respond. I leaned up and kissed him briefly, which required him catching me in reverse as the nerves in my foot gave way. I glared and tsked down at it as he held me a moment before I turned my smile back up to him. “Slow down your questions, ma lath, so I can answer,” I insisted looking up at him as he held me. He grinned briefly.

He remained in Elvish as we spoke and he assisted me up right. “First, what did mean?”

I smiled at him, taking his face in my hands. When he was looking into my eyes, I answered. “I went back into my will and I found her, I found _me_.” He stared at me a moment until realization ran across his face and his hand automatically went to his jaw bone necklace. I smiled at him and nodded briefly. He leaned down then and kissed me earnestly, pulling me up to him. I felt his need, I felt him within my will and around it. He reached out with his will and met mine as I rose with him.

A hard nudge to my good side brought us both down. Falon told me then that humans did not care for others displaying such emotions publically. I grinned at him and relayed the message to Solas.

“I suppose I did lose myself for a moment,” he admitted, stroking the sides of my face with his thumbs.

I closed my eyes and leaned into the caress. _I could live and die for moments like this_. I felt him lean in once more and then heard Cassandra.

“Solas.” It was less a command as to draw his attention away. He rose and as I opened my eyes he smiled at me.

“To be continued, ma lath,” I said on a grin. Falon stepped up to my side and I turned to haul myself up on his back. I was struggling lightly, until Solas reached under my ribs and propelled me upwards. I sat on Falon’s back then and literally rode him back between the tents to Solas’ with only a brief thought as to how we got so far away from it to begin with. “I’ll wait here for you, vhenan. Until this foot stops throbbing I’m afraid I won’t be much use in tidying,” I told him from atop Falon as we stopped just outside his tent. He grinned up at me there.

“It is a fool that thinks a dragon will clean up a tent,” he stated in the common tongue. As he walked within though, his comment did remind me of something I would need to have handled. I set the skull out in front of me and examined it a moment. I’d seen enough images of what people believed the Dread Wolf used to look like once upon a long time ago.

I was the dragon, the Dread Wolf’s lady, Solas’ heart. I would be all the part. I sat back slightly so I could hold it out in front of me with both hands. I rose it in the air, fine mists of veil holding it there as I wove the brilliant blue strands through it, strands that I composed of my element and crushed it into place to hold the skull with a band like cord. It wove in shimmering water colors between the back teeth then once around the jaw by the snout then wove back, and twisted around the horns. I felt the water willed past my hair to clean it. I reached up and pulled the hairs back, lifting only as needed as I secured the skull at the fore front of my fore head, the snout hanging just above my eyebrows, the horns raising above my head, the cords winding between my hair and behind my head, the longest from the horns gripping down below my ears at my neckline. My hair now fell from between those cords in three sections. The first at the top, was brought back into its first tiny braid down my back, hanging loose and serpent like in the breeze; the second just below tied into a tight hold, a ponytail like fall of nearly five centimeters thick solid black hair bound together with luminescent blue cord; the final fell straight passed my waist.

_Let them remember what I am. Some will fear, all will respect_. Cole looked up from where he was helping one of the soldiers into his saddle and smiled. _Sweet little, Cole. I will not allow anyone to try to make you into a Demon._ He grinned at me and returned to his task. I looked about me. Several saw the changes and already moved away. _Fine by me. Fewer ants to step on_. I could feel the wind whip at my hair and the lashing of that tiny braid eased a need in me to lash a true tail. I closed my eyes and just listened for a moment.

_I see you have finally come full awake_, Falon greeted after a moment. I smiled down at him as my eyes came open.

“So it would seem.”

_Your mate is pleased, as am I_. I pet his neck fondly. Vivienne looked over and actually curtsied, but then, I was sitting on a massive halla with a spine straighter than her staff. She walked over. _Danger in that one_. I smiled and nodded a greeting to her.

I greeted as she stepped up beside Falon, knowing she wouldn’t understand more than the basic Elvish of ‘atishan’.

“Good morning, Kitten,” she greeted. I raised a single eyebrow but otherwise did not respond. “His nicknames tend to stick. You’ve heard what he calls me?” I nodded. “I’ll be honest,” she stated keeping her chin level and casting her eyes up at me, “I did not know what to make of you before, the tiny child hiding under the apostate’s robes. I am pleased to see you actually have spine.”

_Nice trap, poor placement_, I thought as I grinned down at her a moment. “Most creatures have spine, Enchanter,” I stated slowly smiling down at her as I watched Solas exit the tent from my peripheral. “It’s merely a matter of knowing how to rip it out, or straighten it.” Solas’ eyes widened.

“I’m afraid I didn’t understand that,” Vivienne said politely as ever. Solas stepped up behind her.

“She stated that most creature have spine, but not all know how to use it,” he said carefully. I grinned at him. She saw the grin, but had no way to claim otherwise.

“Indeed,” she agreed after a moment. “I must be to my mount. Farewell,” she bid on another curtsy. I inclined my head to her again. “Apostate,” she said and left.

“Are you alright?” he asked looking up at me. I quirked the brow again. He chuckled. “You’ll have to forgive me,” he said in Elvish. “I’ve spent five days worrying if you’d live through all the blood loss and whether you’d be able to walk again.” I smiled gently down at him then and he took in the changes. “An interesting choice in cords,” he said in common.

“I like it,” I stated. He grinned.

“So do I, though you may draw over much attention to yourself with it.”

I grinned then, a different grin. “I am the dragon to guard Tarasyl'an Te'las. Let Coreypheus bring his beast. We have one of our own.” The thought registered a question for him I watched flash across his face. “Ask on the way,” I urged. “They will want to leave soon.” He smiled and Cole appeared to help disassemble the tent and pack Falon up.

As anticipated not long after the packs were secured, Adaar called a move out; if you had it, take it, what you didn’t have, leave it behind. Solas swung up behind me and Cole smiled as we moved out. A few minutes into our ride, Solas must have remembered his question.

“Vhenan.”

“Ma lath.”

“Do you, what do you remember?” he asked. I laughed then.

“Quite the wide range question, lin’or ma vhenan. Could you be a bit more specific?”

“The future,” he stated.

“Much,” I replied briefly.

“Nothing was lost, when you merged I mean?” he asked.

“Not that I’ve noticed, save any measure of foolish fears.” I felt him shift his gaze then, felt it rake down me dragging heat everywhere it touched. “Yes, ma lath. I ride differently than the scared girl that hid under your cloak from the rain and snow.” He chuckled and pulled me back into him.

“Any other changes I should know about,” he asked, trying to disguise his tension in asking. His question was pointed, though he didn’t directly ask. I laughed lightly then.

“Regarding us, you mean?”

“Yes,” he said softly.

I smiled and leaned back into him, keeping my chin straight, and my eyes on the others about us. “You may find I’m too much for you now, wolf,” I said briefly, and followed it up with, “but I meant what I said.” I purposely paused and let him swallow those facts. “I am yours until you no longer want me.” He snuggled down against my neck then, burying his face in my hair, despite the glances of a few of the other Haven refugees. It was an animalistic response, a need to burrow closer.

“And if that day never comes?” he finally whispered.

I smiled and thought a moment before answering. “Then I imagine eternity will be quite entertaining for both of us, ma lath.” He chuckled a moment and nuzzled up to my ear. He leaned in quickly, biting it briefly before raising straight. His actions lit reactions in me as my breath caught and my muscles all tensed slightly. I grinned to my own thought for a moment before I decided to share it. “The walls of Skyhold had better be secure, wolf.” He chuckled then too just as a scout approached us.

“They would like the two of you at the front of the column,” he announced on a wheeling steed. I grinned and Falon began his slow trot, carefully dodging to the sides of the smaller beasts around him. It was now that Solas truly got a view of the rider I was as I felt Falon almost as much as my own legs, move and shift and I moved with him. Falon was my mount, my legs here. I chuckled. _The true origins to the legend of the centaurs_, I thought as I felt Solas against me. _Also an adept. Amusing_.

We shifted through at a light trot and reached the company Adaar kept near him at the front of the column before we slowed to a walk. “You called for us, Adaar?” I asked. He glanced up at the sound of my voice and then shivered.

“You really think you should wear it like that?”

I smiled, never bothering to look down at him. “Those that fear, should.”

“Vhenan.”  
“I am what I am, Solas.” I made no excuses.

He sighed. “She says ‘those that fear her should’.”

Adaar shivered again. “Not quite the answer I’d hoped for,” he stated, and then coughed. “Are you, uh, in control, of it now?” he stammered.

“I am in full control of myself,” I stated and Solas relayed it exactly.

“Um, good,” he stated, shifting uncomfortably in his saddle.

_He’s terrified of you_. I grinned and pet Falon’s neck.

“Do, um, can you, uh, I mean.” I sighed.

“Spit it out, Adaar,” I growled.

Adaar’s face froze and Solas sighed. “She says to just say it.”

Adaar swallowed noticeably. “You said you know where we are going?” I nodded. “Anything you want to tell me about it?” he asked timidly.

I turned my gaze down on him, watched him shiver, and shook my head.

“Too much to hope for,” he said deflated. I faced forward again.

“Pick your head up, Adaar,” I snapped. “Hundreds of lives depend on your strength.”

Solas sat silent a moment.

“What-what’d she say?” Adaar finally asked.

“She demands you ‘pick your head up’,” and with that Adaar stirred in his saddle to attention, “saying that hundreds now depend on your strength and seeing you melt that way would deflate them.” Adaar pulled his shoulders back and began riding slightly differently as it sunk in.

“I never asked for this,” he said after a few hours. I grinned and looked down at him then with pity.

“None of us do.” Solas echoed me to him and Adaar looked up at me then a little differently. _Not completely brainless_.

He nodded after a moment and returned to riding solemnly, occasionally scouting ahead and directing the company accordingly. Few seemed to find their voices through that day and many eyes found their way back to me. _The majesty of a dragon should be admired. No need to hide._

Thankfully they would not have a full day to consider it. Adaar rode ahead a little before noon and had frozen where he was, horse still beneath him. We rode up behind and I saw why he froze. Solas urged Falon forward up beside Adaar. I was too busy staring, my mouth open.

“Tarasyl'an Te'las.” It might as well have been a quiet prayer for how it came out of my mouth.

Adaar looked over and Solas smiled as he translated, looking out over the enormity that was truly before us and translated loosely, “Skyhold”. Adaar urged his horse forward slightly then to descend to the end of the external bridge to the outer ramparts, two hundred meters above.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ar te’elan ma’laima= I cannot lose you  
Vhenan = My Heart  
ma Lath= my love  
Tel uth te enfenim mah sal= Don’t every scare me like that again.  
Gaelathe Etunash= utter bullshit, complete crap  
Tarasyl'an Te'las= The Place where the Sky was Held back.  
lin’or Ma Vhenan= blood of my heart


	6. Skyhold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To keep his secrets and keep him safe, Athena presses her new body to its limits. Others were required to protect her now, and Solas finds himself praying for the first time in millennium for something that had nothing to do with his war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story contains massive spoilers for the game. Please note, that if you are reading, I take no responsibility for ruining game plot you haven't gotten to yet.  
Also, I use multiple songs within the story. I do not claim ownership to these songs. All copyrights belong to the original authors. (I'm just a huge fan :P)

Chapter 6: Skyhold

That description at least had been mildly accurate. From the outside, Skyhold truly did look like it had been birthed from the very stone of the giant mountain at its back and the crags beneath. The outer bridge between crags of mountain top was built with multiple towers between, arrow notches lining the upper levels, and great portcullis’ on either side of the towers. It would take an army to get to, let alone take this place. The outer walls of the ramparts stretched nearly twice as high as the towers on the bridge, making the massive towers seem dwarfed. Spaced evenly around the walls were more great towers rising higher still than the ramparts. Stone, obviously hewn from the very same mountain by color and age, lined those massive walls, sealed in tight to each other in thick formation of the outer rampart. I could only guess at how thick from here. The only other part of the entirety of Skyhold visible though from the mountain was the great central hall and primary keep. The primary portcullis of Skyhold against the ramparts seemed to have several other arched gates almost around it and I realized that those housed further doors to seal against rams and the like. It was a tactician wet dream, or nightmare depending on which side of those doors he was on.

I felt Solas tense slightly and laid a hand back on his thigh by mine. He kissed the side of my head as we began the march down to that kilometer long first section of bridge supported by towering archways beneath. One other thing neither book nor game ever truly address I realized as the sunset behind the mountains and I looked up at the outer wall, the distance down that hill was no afternoons stroll. The entirety of the army had been riding all day and as the sun sunk its brilliant head behind the mountains casting beautiful hues across the sky we had only just reached the bottom of the mountain at the foot of that first stretch of bridge. Adaar pressed on as anxious to see the inside as the rest of us.

The next major difference never addressed in book or game: The portcullises were down. I chuckled as he stopped in front and looked back at Solas then me. I rode Falon up to the portcullis. I felt Solas’ magic in it, but they needed to keep their eyes off him, so I acted. I reached to the portcullis with my right hand, and touched the skull with my left. I felt the shimmering run over me and the royal blue energy flowed down my arm. As it touched the gate, the gate creaked loudly and the sound of the chains winching together on the other side echoed through the valley. It took more energy than I thought it would to direct the gate up and I was breathing hard as it settled high above us. Solas tucked me back into him.

“Dangerous, Vhenan,” he cautioned.

Adaar shook slightly as he rode through the first portcullis. The second was slightly easier as the winches were within and Cullen’s men set to those. Solas kept us beside Adaar as I steadied my breathing. I still felt weak, like I should have more strength than I did. Cole appeared beside me, walking in pace with Falon, not hard considering how carefully Adaar was advancing.

“You will,” Cole said as he pet Falon’s neck kindly.

Solas looked over. “Will what?”

“I was feeling weak,” I answered.

“She can feel she should have more strength, but the merger isn’t finished yet. It takes time to settle into the body completely,” he stated with a grin. I smiled weakly down at him.

“I think he’s trying to tell you not to push it, Vhenan,” Solas added as he returned his attention to Adaar’s advancement.

I straightened slightly twisting my head around as I did. “I will do what is necessary.” It was a statement, not open for debate and I felt him sigh behind me, but no other words were said.

The bridges would need mild repair, though they were mostly intact and safe. Time and the winds had worn pieces away so the army did have to file in three at a time for safety sake. Adaar lead, Solas and I on the right and Cassandra at his left as we approached the second tower.

“Perhaps a few other mages might be of assistance here,” Vivienne suggested. “She should be allowed to rest a bit more.”

“Agreed, Lady Vivienne,” Adaar stated. “Who do you need?”

“I do not need anyone, darling,” she answered with her arrogant smile. I laughed silently. She rode up and placed a hand as I had to the portcullis. She pulled her will about her and I had to resist openly laughing. I damned near saw the translucent fibers when Solas pulled at the Veil, but this, it was like watching a creek pretend to be an ocean. She made a show of it, as I’d expected and we could faintly hear the winches twist and fight against her will.

She sat there for several moments straining against the wenches. Her frustration was present on her face as the perspiration trickled down her temple. “Perhaps an extra hand, Dread Lady?” Dorian said with a grin and rode up beside her. She didn’t even have the will to tell him off at the moment. Dorian reached his staff out, refusing to touch his pretty hands to the wind dusted portcullis and drew in. His trickle matched hers and I grinned.

_Evenly matched creeks, each pretending to be something far beyond themselves._ The thought was amusing, but their efforts began to bother me after a few moments. The screeching of the winches pulling slowly up was racking. The higher the pitch, the more irritated I became.

Probably some six minutes in with absolutely no forward (or in this case upward) progress, I sat forward abruptly with, “Oh, enough of this.” I slammed my hands together in an explosive crack, ripping at the Veil. They both stumbled in their casting, falling forward on their mounts as I reached out and threw the gates up, both the one directly in front and the primary portcullis of Skyhold. A dozen gasps as the iron gates rose faster than most elevators back home and clanged as they reached the top and stopped.

The effort of that however was more than this body could currently take. Dizzy and slightly nauseated, I fought the fall, the consuming darkness. “Solas,” was all I could get out before the darkness won.

[[[The gates clanged to the top as she glared out over them and he watched. _Impossible. I made these gates nearly impassible on purpose._ Suddenly the Veil snapped back and he gazed down at her swaying form. His name escaped her lips as she fell backwards into him and instinct won out then. He reached into her and began willing her heart to continue to beat, placing his hand to her chest.

_Please, Vhenan. Don’t do foolish things like this,_ he pleaded to her through his head. _You’ll kill yourself trying to_.

“Hurry,” Cole cried out as he pushed at Dorian’s shoulder.

“For what?” Dorian asked.

Vivienne dismounted with a scoff and immediately walked over to Falon, willing life back into the lungs that were no longer functioning. “Her body has stopped, Tevinter,” she stated as the blue energies flowed from her into the girls unconscious body. “I’ll take care of getting her lungs working again.” A glance up. “It would seem the apostate was wise enough to start with her heart. Mind the brain, would you?”

Dorian rushed to dismount then and stood on the other side of Falon. He lay on hand on the girl’s ankle and breathed out as the Fade responded, glowing blue up her body and heightening nerves. Both Vivienne and Dorian were coated in sweat from their efforts as the girl’s body began responding on its own.

Solas heaved a heavy breath as he released his attempts and felt the heart move on its own. Another sigh as he realized what Dorian then announced. “She should be alright now.” A pause. “Likely she’ll be exhausted for a few days, but she’ll live.”

_Seems I may owe Dorian for this one_, Solas thought briefly.

“Solas,” Adaar whispered and as Solas looked down, he flushed and wiped his face quickly. Adaar coughed and spoke plainly. “When she wakes, we’ll all want to thank her. This could have taken us days.” Solas nodded. The soldiers swarmed by then to open the last portcullis of the tower and stood aside as the procession moved forward and into the bottom courtyard of Skyhold.

Adaar noticed immediately as he entered that Skyhold was meant to wield armies, as the bottom courtyard was large enough to house all of them and their beasts comfortably and then some. Remembering her words, he turned and began instructing places to set up camp, place the beasts, tend the wounded, see to the sick. He led as he was used to. Shok would never forgive him for embarrassing the company to do otherwise.

He checked in with each area after settling his mount, and setting up his tent. He checked first on stables, as he wanted to be sure, if they had to leave quickly that they could. Then he wandered the tents, helping those chilled by night winds straighten lines that ached at cold fingers. He was certain the dragon-girl-thing would insist he be hands on and he really wasn’t interested in pissing something off that was apparently hundreds of times stronger than Tevinter or Orlais’ strongest mages.

As he wandered the tents, he found Solas’ tent was separated from even the healer’s tents by a near two meters in any direction. Solas was just carrying the unconscious girl inside. Asleep, she looked so very beautiful, even for an elf. A momentary memory of the dragon from that morning and Adaar felt himself shiver again. That was no normal elf. He stepped forward and Solas’ gaze swung back pinning him in place. Cole appeared beside him.

“He doesn’t want help now. My love, my fault, my choice; no other will touch her. Words with Dorian later. He wants to tend her himself,” Cole stated. Adaar nodded to him and stepped back. The gaze broke. Solas nodded then stepped into his tent. Adaar smiled.

“Love huh?” Adaar asked Cole.

“Yes.”  
“Do you think I should intervene?”

“That would be very bad,” Cole said shaking his head. Adaar shivered again, thinking how she might take it.

“She loves him too?”

“Even more,” Cole said with a small smile.

Adaar smiled then and slapped a hand on Cole’s shoulder. “Then who am I to interfere.” Cole smiled up at him. Adaar thought a moment, but Cole’s words interrupted him.

“She’s searching but trying not to. She wants to be sure you are safe but doesn’t want to tell you.” Adaar grinned.

“Best not to keep the lady waiting then.” And with that, Adaar was off to search the tents, and camp for the honey-eyed beauty he would move mountains to look at.

Cole smiled and stepped to the tent, reaching to secure the tent flap as Solas’ wolf gaze caught his. Cole smiled and sealed the tent, his last view of Solas smiling back. He understood.

Solas’ hands gently pressed into hers, he sat staring down at her a moment longer than he probably should. _So beautiful, my wonderful Athena. Please wake up._ He leaned forward and set his forehead to hers, as he had a dozen times. Her cool head still scared him. Her body had yet to return to its natural temperature, though everything within was working properly. _Maybe_, he thought briefly and shifted around her, pulling her form to his as he snuggled down beside her, hoping to find her in the Fade. Maybe slap her, maybe kiss her, maybe just shake her a while. The thought made him grin as he dozed.

Adaar found her, helping the Commander set up a temporary station to direct everyone and slowed his pace. No need to look like a fool. “Commander, Seeker,” he greeted as he approached. They both looked up.

“Herald.” They greeted in unison.

“Shouldn’t the two of you be getting some rest? It has been quite the day,” he stated on a grin.

“You’re one to talk,” Cassandra jibed and Adaar grimaced.

“I think she means you’ve led us through quite a bit. You might need some rest yourself,” Cullen said more gently.

“That is what I said,” Cassandra growled.

Adaar half-smiled. She didn’t even realize she was the only woman in the world that could make him feel so small so quickly. “I intended to,” he said then straightened and made himself look at Cullen. Cullen’s eyes didn’t disrupt his thoughts like Cassandra. “I just, wanted to be sure everyone was settled in first. It’s a Second’s job after all.” Cassandra sighed and he tried to hide how her exasperation hurt him slightly. He was who he was; how could she not just see that.

Cullen smiled. “Ironically it was about what we were trying to get set up to do here.”

“I can help with that,” Adaar said and pointed down to their rough sketch of the courtyard. “The healers tents are here, the camp is set up around this area, a little more spread out than I’d like but,” he began and went over everything, telling himself to just report, as if it were Shok standing there and not the most beautiful thing on the planet.

“Do you _really_ think she’ll be alright?” Vivienne asked as she sipped at her lyrium vial, standing by the main camp fire.

Dorian, having long finished his, shot down another glass of Orlesian red. “I don’t think there was anything else anyone in _this_ army could do to help her,” he shot back. “The Templars aren’t exactly the best healers one could ask for.”

“This again?” Sera groaned. “You two make my teeth hurt,” she growled as she stomped off to her tent. It was true, Dorian and Vivienne had spent most the last six days debating whether it had been wiser to recruit the Templars over the Mages. Anyone would have thought they’d have run out of ammunition for the argument by now, but they would have thought wrong. The debate continued into the morning, before Dorian half-asleep, excused himself and Vivienne mumbled a good-night.

No amount of searching found her. Solas pulled on places she might go, places that might intrigue her or conversations they’d had. She was nowhere to be found. Ultimately, he found himself sitting on the wall of the battlements of the old Skyhold, watching the armies form and march out. Desolation was a close feeling but he contained it. After a while, he felt the patterns of the Fade shift and felt Wisdom sit beside him.

“You are troubled,” she said looking out with him.

He sighed and the memory restarted. “Yes.” There was nothing to watch over the distant hills, but he stared out over them. _She was so excited to see it_.

Wisdom chuckled her light laugh of water over fine crystal. “If you could see yourself,” she began and she shifted the image so he could , watching as he jumped from place to place, bounding like a the hunter he was; watching as he finally settled on the walls, a moping pup, quietly whining at the skies.

“I’m not that bad,” he argued, despite the imagery, though it did make him smile lightly.

“You believe that she will not return?”

He shook his head a moment. “She almost killed herself with that,” he paused. “I should have handled it. The wards respond to me, the winches respond to me.”

Wisdom laughed again. “Should have,” she stressed. “So,” she paused to smile at him until he looked up. “You think you should have revealed everything to them in that moment?” He shook his head and as he went to argue it she interrupted, which was completely not like her. “You do realize that she only did that so you wouldn’t?”

It hit him hard then, knocking the wind out of his lungs as the Fade around him shifted to watching and he realized he was watching from Wisdom’s view, hearing from Wisdom.

_He cannot reveal, he must not. It isn’t time. I can do this. _Her hands echoed through the Fade as pieces ripped from the Veil into her Will; a Will that partly frightened Wisdom. The energy let forth, tore the gates high and bound them there. As the winches settled she released the energy and her body fell back. “Solas.”

The word was a plea, a sound, a desperate need echoing across the Fade.

Solas fought the tears on his faces as he watched his panicked reaction, watched himself will her life, will her to return, will her heart to at least keep beating, keep giving him hope she would…

“You believe she will not return?” Wisdom repeated. He blinked back tears and looked up at his friend.

“Will she?”

Wisdom laughed again shaking her head. “She’s only worn out, a tired little thing trying to use energies that have not yet acclimated.” Solas sighed.

“That is not an answer.” It ate at him, tearing pieces from his chest. _She had to live, had to come back. I’m bound to…_ He looked up abruptly at Wisdom who smiled knowingly and he spoke his mind then. “I’m bound to her. If she were dead I would already know.” Wisdom nodded.

This was why she liked him, generally quick to put his intelligence in order to make proper sense.

“Then, as long as I still feel the connection there, she’s-”

“Alive?” Wisdom asked. “Yes.”

A huge sigh of relief left him breathless a moment. Relief flooded his nerves. She would live.

“Be mindful though,” Wisdom cautioned and he looked up curiously. “She will not wake for several days, and an attempt to wake her before could cause her permanent damage.” He stirred to his feet then.

“I need to get back to her then.” Wisdom smiled and looked up at him.

“Indeed.” She grinned. “_Wake up_.”

The order flushed his body awake and he heaved a few breaths before looking down at the woman in his arms. She was breathing steadily, and the faint pulse in her throat was there, but otherwise she looked dead. Her skin was slightly blued, here lips a faint lavender and her eyes did not move as if in dream. He hugged her close. If Wisdom said she would live, then she would live. He sighed into the cool black hair at her temple.

“Just come back to me, Vhenan,” he whispered and held her there, careful not to disturb her otherwise.

Silence allowed for thoughts to form and flow. She would need to be protected from accidental waking. She needed her rest, Wisdom was clear about that.

“Wounded, wandering, wanting beyond hope. You don’t have to do it alone,” came from the dark as Cole appeared in the midmorning light, seeping from under the tent flaps. Solas smiled sadly up at the creature. “But she’s not,” Cole argued. “She’s my friend too. I can help. So can Falon, and Adaar will help. You just need to tell him she needs to not be bothered. Or I can tell him.”

“Do you truly believe he will listen to you?” Cole paused.

“He’ll listen to you.” Solas nodded slightly and looked down at her. “Falon and I will guard her until you get back.” Solas smiled.

“I am unused to having others so easily read my mind.”

“I won’t hurt,” Cole hastened.

“I know that, Cole.” Solas sighed then.

“I will,” Cole said and Solas grinned and slowly dislodged himself as gently as possible from her. He looked down at her gently. “She won’t.” Cole’s statement brought his eyes back up to the boy. “She doesn’t fear, not alone. They can’t find her.” Solas smiled.

“Seeing it once scared _me_ is all,” Solas admitted lightly.

“You love each other. It’s okay to worry after the one’s you love. Wisdom told me that.” Cole was blushing and Solas understood. Wisdom had helped him before too.

Solas stood and gripped the boys’ shoulder. Cole met his eyes and Solas said, “Then together, we will care for the ones we love.” Cole grinned and nodded enthusiastically. Solas cast a glance back at her and forced himself to move. He left the tent quickly and found Adaar, sitting in front of the embers of the camp fire.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Solas asked as he approached. Adaar looked up then back down into the fires with a sigh.

“Was she right?” he asked after a few moments. Solas raised his eye brow in question and Adaar pressed on. “They all really depend on me?”

Solas shrugged. “She did say Haven would be attacked in almost the precise fashion it happened in.” Adaar sighed and stared at the flames a little longer.

“Do _you_ think I can do it?” he asked, finally looking up at Solas. “I mean,” he said looking away, “I’ve never doubted myself before but this is no small company, a group of mercs. This is,” he trailed off.

“Something as large as the Inquisition can be daunting, even for the best of leaders,” Solas said comfortingly and Adaar smiled up at him. Solas paused then in thought before speaking. “I believe you can, yes,” he finally said and Adaar full looked up at him then. “You have demonstrated a skill with leadership that is not found in many and you have quite the will. You will do well, I think,” Solas added, realizing the boy was just worried he’d disappoint. Adaar smiled then, and Solas was reminded that Adaar was only twenty-five, still a child in so many ways.

Adaar nodded then and smiled as he stood, dusting his hands on his pants. “Thank you, Solas. I think I just needed to know someone thought so,” he admitted with a grin. Solas smiled back. “What brings you out so early?” Adaar asked, realizing the sun was only just peaking over the mountains, casting everything around them in a brilliant dark orange hue.

Solas sighed, getting his thoughts in order. “You saw what happened yesterday.” It wasn’t a question, just a beginning statement and Adaar moved to face Solas completely then. Solas sighed again. He did not care for asking children for help protecting _his_ woman. “She,” he paused. “She will need to be isolated, kept away from others until she wakes on her own. Waking her before could cause her serious harm.” Adaar nodded. 

“You’re sure of this?” he asked briefly.

“I wasn’t, but that is why I walked the Fade through the night. I needed to be sure.”

Adaar nodded again. Solas was far wiser than he and he well knew it. If Solas said she needed isolation, she’d get it; he owed her at least that much. “I’ll see to it,” Adaar agreed on a nod. “Do you believe a four person watch outside your tent would be a wise choice? Or more?”

Solas shook his head. “Better just one, two at most. I wouldn’t want the bored soldiers talking loud enough around her to wake her either.”

Adaar nodded again. “I’ll speak with Cullen as soon as he wakes up about it. You’ll have a two person watch, at least until she’s awake on her own.” Solas nodded.

“Thank you, Herald.” Adaar shrugged.

“Can I tell you something, Solas? Without judging?” he asked embarrassedly. Solas raised that eyebrow again. “I only really accepted the title because it would put me closer to a woman. I really wish I wasn’t responsible for all these people.” Solas smiled.

“She was right though,” Solas stated. “No one who has ever been placed in such positions has asked for it; but it is why they are usually the best for the position,” he added, placing a hand on the taller man’s shoulder. Adaar smiled.

“Thank you, Solas,” he said after a few minutes.

“Forgive me if I’m interrupting,” Josephine said as she approached from the side.

Solas released him as both men turned to face her. “Good morning, Ambassador,” Solas greeted as Adaar merely said her title.

“Good morning to you both. I fear it may not stay that way though,” she began hurriedly and both men’s attention shifted to her. “One of Leliana’s scouts advice that there are a few stragglers, mages that escaped the avalanche, headed this way. Solas’ gaze shifted then as he and Adaar looked at each other. Adaar straightened then and turned back to the Ambassador.

“Tell Cullen and Leliana to meet me here as fast as they can manage, I’ll wake my team. We head this off now,” he stated. Josephine half jumped at his authoritative voice. “Quickly now, Ambassador. We don’t need those mages getting to Skyhold before we can stop them.” Josephine dashed off then, hiking her skirts high. Adaar turned to Solas then. “Would you come with me?” he asked. Solas nodded and hid his grief at the thought. He would have to leave her here. “Thank you,” Adaar said gratefully, pulling him from his mind.

“Give me a moment to gather my things,” Solas asked. Adaar nodded and Solas left as Adaar turned to Sera’s tent.

If anyone knew how to take out ‘baddies’ it was Sera.

Solas retreated quickly to his tent. Cole nodded as he entered. “I know. I’ll stay.” Solas smiled at him and quickly and quietly gathered what he needed. A brief glance back at her, a pang for how dead she looked, and he tore himself away, marching back to join Adaar.

“Solas,” Cullen greeted as he stepped into the light.

“Commander.” It was as empty of emotion as Solas felt. _Have to quiet that, no time for it_ and Solas straightened his shoulders.

Adaar turned then to Leliana. “I’m taking Solas, Sera and Blackwall with me. We’ll march out and find the stragglers and keep them away from Skyhold.” Leliana nodded and Adaar turned to Cullen. “I need you to place guard rotations around the ramparts and set two guards to _silently_ guard Solas’ tent while we are away. I’ll explain more when we return,” he added to Cullen’s puzzled expression. “Under no circumstances though is anyone to go into that tent.” There was no room for argument. He was a company leader and it showed. He turned to Josephine then, “See to it that everyone understands that please.” She nodded. Blackwall arrived then shaking himself into his armor. “I’d like to be out of here before everyone else wakes, better not to stir a panic.” Sera and Blackwall both nodded then.

“Sneaking about is somethin’ I’m very goodda,” Sera said with a smile.

“Let us be quick. The less time they have to respond the better,” Solas said looking between Adaar and Blackwall. Both nodded.

Adaar turned back to Leliana then. “In the morning, please see to it that the people begin finding proper housing and placements.” Leliana nodded again.

“I’ll make it happen.”

“Gently,” he urged and Leliana smiled.

“As you say, Herald.”

They departed not long after.]]]

Flushing and falling I felt like I was trying to climb back into my body. I could feel the dragons warmth run over it as I felt my body stretch and stir. I blinked open my eyes to the familiar interior of Solas’ tent. I smiled and turned over only to freeze. He wasn’t here.

“He had to leave with Adaar to protect,” Cole’s voice said and I turned up to look at him. I couldn’t help but smile. His presence was a constant comfort. “I’m glad.”

“Ho-,” I began to ask how and my voice came out painfully as I gasped.

Cole held out a bowl of water to me and I swallowed it down. I hadn’t realized how thirsty I’d been. “Thank you, Cole,” I said hoarsely. I looked around then. “How long,” I began.

“Three days,” Cole answered sweetly. I handed him back the bowl and struggled up. My legs felt wobbly. The dragon stirred then.

I breathed deep for a moment and righted myself, swiveling my neck back and cracking spots in my neck, finding I’d slept rather hard on it. I looked down at the clothing and grinned. _That will need to be cleaned and changed. _Noticeably sweat stained at this point, I began pulling the garments off.

As they hit the floor though, they disappeared. I looked up and Cole’s hand was out. “No point in them staying here,” he said.

“Where did you send them?” I asked curiously.

“To the lady that’s doing laundry today,” he said as if it were only the most obvious thing in the world. I smiled up at him.

“Thank you, Cole.” He grinned back. I looked down at my own skin a moment and just as I thought it, a bath appeared in front of me, steaming water rising from it. I grinned up at him.

“I’m needed,” he said.

“Go on,” and he disappeared. I stepped out of my unders and into the wonderful warm water. Gods but it felt so good to soak in a hot bath. I took a few moments before I actually started scrubbing. My attempt to call soap left me breathless, so I just used the water. I had forgotten for a time how much better I feel when I’m clean. The ankle was still a little tender as I scrubbed over it but it supported against the tub without too much complaints. _Should be able to use it._ The shoulder and side you would never be able to prove had been injured as there were not even minor scars. I smiled and sighed back down into the water.

I would soak for a bit more, and then I would need to find the spymaster, _ah shit._ The thought hit me and I grimaced. _Without Solas here, no one would be able to understand a thing I said._ I grumbled to myself a moment then cast the thought aside. _There should still be enough time. The Inquisitor would need to return here multiple times before things really went to shit._ I relaxed as the bath eased into me. _I will, however, have to see about better clothing. My gear from home would not suit to the dragon, nor to be the Dread Wolf’s lady. _I grinned. The thought excited and pleased me at once. I have always revered and loved dragons, it was almost ironic to find my soul, my core was one. I felt inward. The waters were choppy though so I didn’t attempt to interfere; just watched for a while. The water was growing back up but it had been horribly depleted. I would need to stay away from casting for a little while.

I opened my eyes and decided we’d lounged long enough, as the water had started cooling. I rose and only momentarily thought to call a proper towel. Better not to. Cole appeared as I was standing and handed me what looked like a sheet. I wrapped the ‘towel’ around myself. I smiled up at him and stepped to the bedding. The bath disappeared and he handed me a bowl of the best smelling stew I’ve ever smelled. My stomach rumbled in agreement.

“I hadn’t realized I was hungry,” I admitted as I accepted the bowl and began eating. He smiled.

“I had. But you wanted to clean more.” I grinned and swallowed a bite of potato.

_Yay! Something normal_, my mind celebrated. It was delicious and did not take me long to finish. The bowl disappeared right after I emptied the last sips.

“You should probably sleep now. He insisted you be allowed to.” I smiled on a yawn.

“Suppose I am still a bit sleepy.” I sat on the bed and yawned again. “Will you wake me, when he returns?” I asked.

“He asked me not to wake you.” I smiled.

“Then we will obey,” I stated, ending his conflict over it. He smiled too. I started feeling slightly dizzy then.

“You should lay down,” he suggested and I nodded lightly, obeying the instinct. I don’t remember if I got all the way to the bed before the darkness won out.

[[[The healer’s tents and his were all that remained in the lower courtyard when they returned. Solas looked about and saw the two soldiers playing cards with each other a meter out from his tent. Cullen was good for something. Solas dismounted and was surprised to see one of the soldiers come over and take the reins. He unstrapped his gear from the animal and began his walk to his tent, excusing himself from Adaar.

“Let us know,” Adaar called to him as he walked off. Solas was only too happy to be leaving the scene as Cassandra marched down the stairs on a b-line for the Herald.

“Did it not occur to you that _I_ should have been the one going?” she demanded.

“Ease up, Seeker Thunder-cloud. We got’em. Whatssit mattah?” Sera asked as she swung her things down from her horse. Cassandra glared at her and Sera glared right back, tongue out and mockingly staring up at the taller woman.

“We managed, and I believe the Herald wanted you here, to protect the people if we failed,” Blackwall added. Adaar nodded then.

“I needed someone I knew would get the job done, keeping everyone safe,” he said softly. Cassandra huffed.

“Next time, perhaps inform me of that,” she suggested. Adaar nodded.

Solas stepped to his tent cautiously, nodding briefly to the soldiers. She was wrapped in the furs, Cole sitting beside her. “She wanted me to wake her when you got back.”

“I’m glad you didn’t,” Solas whispered back. _I’ve got her from here._ Cole smiled and disappeared. Solas lowered his pack to the far side of the tent then sat beside her. He pushed a few strands from her face and smiled at her as she stirred slightly and drifted back into sleep. Her skin was nearly back to its usual tone, though her lips were still lighter shade than he’d care for. The thrumming of her heart beat steadily against her throat as he watched the skin rise and fall with it. _Saved from kisses for now_, he thought with a smile and snuggled down against her.

He drifted easily into the Fade. With the movements behind her eyelids, she should be here somewhere. He reached out and found her. She was sitting on a porch of some kind, a thick pad in front of her, her hands swaying and moving across it. He approached quietly, just watching at first, until he realized she was sketching him. He froze then. He’d seen the man before, the man that walked out of the house and handed her a glass. Taller than her but still shorter than himself, the man was darker, almost as dark as Vivienne, with high cheek bones and eyes that looked closer to the Commander than any. He shook his head down at her.

“He’s not going to walk out of the drawing and into your life, Athena,” Leo said. She sipped her drink and smiled.

“I know that, but that’s what makes it safe,” she said looking back down at her drawing. She’d sketched him to near perfection.

Leo sighed. “Athena,” he dragged her name.

“Leo, we’ve been over this,” she said quickly. “I’m not interested in women and there is no man worthy. You’d be the closest and you’re my friend. Never going to happen. I’m happy with how things are,” she said trying to assure her friend. He looked down at her with a knowing glance.

“Are you?” he asked. She looked away then sadly, then back down to the picture and smiled. Leo sighed. “I’ll admit I’ve never seen you look as happy as when you’re drawing _him_, but you need more than books, _Athena_,” he urged.

“No,” she said gently, smiling up at her friend, then turned the page she was drawing so he could see it and said, “I just need him.” Leo sighed, apparently giving it up.

And her memories faded out around her. She was still sitting there, still smiling at the picture in front of her. “He’s all I’ve ever needed.” She hugged the picture to her chest then. “I will protect you, Vhenan. Even against them.”

He chuckled then and she looked up in surprise. “I think I can defend myself.” She smiled, setting her drawing aside and ran to him, arms behind his neck and legs wrapped tight around him as he held her. Nothing could ever feel so right. He snuggled in to her hair, breathing her in. “Vhenan.”]]]

I’d been sitting on Leo’s porch drawing again. I wanted to see Solas again. It was all I could usually think of then when I visited Leo and it was all I really wanted now. I wanted to see him again, but I knew he was doing what had to be done, so instead, I began drawing him, as I had then. I wasn’t the me of then though, I was me now. I felt my elf ears twitch at the sounds of the blender inside, saw the scrawny legs before me as I held the drawing pad on my knees.

I wanted to have him smile at me again, so that’s what I drew. I drew that same image of a little over a year ago, of him walking up the hill in front of me, smiling down at me. I lost myself in drawing for a moment until I heard the screen door open. Leo nudged me and handed me down a glass of smoothie, he was always trying to get me to eat better. It was my favorite though, the strawberry-banana smoothie that tasted like liquid apple pie. I smiled as I sipped it and frowned as Leo started the age old conversation again.

My only friend for the last ten years, Leo had met me at work when we both worked clothing together. He was putting himself through school then and we had fast become friends. It was just natural, but I would never see him as more. Around the same time we met, the first Dragon Age had come out, and my heart belonged to the Thedas then. I’d tried to explain it to him a few times, but after a hundred eye rolls and ‘yeah, sure’s’, I just didn’t feel like trying to explain it anymore. I loved this world of life and magic and love beyond boundaries and families and intrigue. Dragon Age became my life raft, after the officers had arrived at my job to inform me my mother had passed away in prison. It had felt like I had nothing else. I had my friend, who desperately tried to help. I was grateful, but nothing helped as much as when he had brought me the deluxe edition pack for Dragon Age Inquisition. I’d played the betas, but I squeed like an excited child when he’d handed me that. I loved Dragon Age and by the end of Trespasser, I wouldn’t look at another character or man the same.

I belonged to Solas, whether he was just an imaginary character from a game or not, I was his. I didn’t want to be anyone else’s. He became my obsession, and I could admit to it now. I had been obsessed to have anything Solas. I loved him, well beyond reason. His reasons for leaving the Inquisition made sense to me. I wanted to help him fight the Evanuris, knowing I was only human and could never have a place in his world. For a single smile, I would have done anything. I drew scores of images of him, read every fan-fic there was about him, gathered images online and went so far as to make a pillow case for my body pillow with a picture of him, so I could snuggle him at night. I was obsessed.

I grinned down at the picture as I looked away from my friend, still begging me to connect with someone, anyone, real. He was real to me, and now… I smiled up at my friend. He could never know how truly happy I was. I turned the picture to Leo and told him again, “I just need him.” He was all I would ever need, especially now that I knew I could be with him. How that had happened I would never know and no longer cared. I was the happiest I had ever been. Nothing could compare. I heard Leo sigh again and I returned to looking down at the image. “He’s all I’ve needed.” I felt the words echo about me and smiled down at the picture before I squeezed it to me. “I’ll protect you, Vhenan. Even against them.” I would destroy the Evanuris for what they’d done to him.

A well-known chuckle caught my attention as I looked up. The object of my hearts greatest desire stood before me. “I think I can defend myself,” he said with the smile I’d die for. I smiled and set the drawing aside before I ran to him and wrapped myself around him.

_All I need, right here_, I thought as I felt his arms wrap behind me and I snuggled closer to him.

“Vhenan.” I leaned back to look up at him, keeping my arms behind his head. I couldn’t stop smiling. I didn’t care if it was just a dream, it was a great dream; especially now.

He chuckled again. “Still think I’m just a dream, Athena?” he asked gently pushing my hair back from my forehead to smile down at me. I grinned up at him and lifted myself slightly with my thighs.

Seconds from kissing him I answered. “Best dream ever.” I leaned up then and the kiss I got back was no dream. I could never imagine how wonderful that felt. He didn’t just meet me physically, his will went behind that and we were no longer on Leo’s porch but stretched out on a large bed, his hands trailing my shirt up over my bra. He leaned up to growl down at me.

“These things could be a problem.” I giggled.

“They clasp in back, dear,” I answered and he looked down at me confused. I sat forward and took his hand in mine, bringing it around to the back of the bra. “Pinch,” I told him as his hand landed on the clasps. Confused, he obeyed and the bra came loose under his hands. I felt the heat kick off in him then as the bare skin was presented for him. He slid his hand back around, under the fabric of the bra, watching as it lifted over my breasts and his hand took its place. I moaned into the movement. Gods but his hands felt too good.

I tried to shake it off then. This was the Fade, I knew that. Things like this are dangerous in the Fade. Had my want for him drawn a desire demon?

He chuckled and smiled down at me, releasing me to stand near him. “No,” he answered, “but you do have one point.” I looked at him curiously. “Better to do this in the Unchanging World. _Wake up_.”


	7. Welcome Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Athena must struggle through the differences of adjusting to life in Thedas, as Solas fights his own way through the times they must be apart and learning the woman he's committed himself to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story contains massive spoilers for the game. Please note, that if you are reading, I take no responsibility for ruining game plot you haven't gotten to yet.  
Also, I use multiple songs within the story. I do not claim ownership to these songs. All copyrights belong to the original authors. (I'm just a huge fan :P)

Chapter 7: Welcome Back

I blinked awake and looked up as Solas passed his hand over his eyes and smiled down at me. _You’re back_. I leaned up and kissed him. He smiled down into the kiss before he shifted his hand to the back of my head and his tongue pressed passed my lips. I moaned into that kiss and gripped my hands in the back of his shoulders. I felt our teeth clack and the sound tightened my muscles, my nipples pressed against the sheet still wrapped around me. The coarse fabric did not help matters and my thighs clenched tight around his leg as the heat and moisture built between mine.

He leaned up a moment and ran his hand by my cheek. “Welcome back,” he said smiling down at me.

“That’s my line,” I answered and leaned up to kiss him again. He indulged me but I felt as he forced himself to hold back. I released him after a moment and looked up at him with the question that was plaguing me. He smiled and shook his head, tracing my lips with his thumb.

“No, Vhenan. I will never have enough of you,” he sighed. “But you were injured, and then damned near killed yourself expending all of your will on those gates.” He looked down at me sadly. “I won’t push your body right now. You need rest and you’ll likely need it for another month or so.” He looked away.

I reached up and slid a hand by his face, lacing fingers by his ears as I turned him to look at me. “I will repair, ma lath. I’m not dead.” Apparently I’d chosen the wrong words there as his eyes flashed pain a moment before I was crushed to him, his face burrowing into my hair.

“Stupid, wonderful woman. Don’t scare me like that again,” he said into my hair. “You can’t expend all your will on anything, or your body will fail. It took all of us, Dorian, Vivienne and me, to keep you alive.” I smiled and hugged him back, but he set me back and glared down at me. “Never again, do you hear me, Vhenan?” I smiled up at him and his gaze broke into a terrified tears. I shook my head and tried to stay smiling, though I could feel it fading. I hated hurting him, but I could not promise what he asked. I would risk anything, everything to help him.

“I,” I swallowed. “I cannot promise that.” The face contorted then as I felt his grief wipe over him and I grasped the side of his face, dashing away tears. “I can’t, Solas. I will do anything to help you, to protect your secrets. I cannot promise I will not bury myself doing it because it is an acceptable risk to-” He buried my next words in an angry kiss, crushing my face into his.

“It is not,” he growled as he sat back. “_You_ are _not_ an acceptable risk.” He glared it down at me and I smiled sadly up at him before he groaned and buried his face into my hair again. “Athena, please. I cannot afford to fear losing you every other day. I need you, Vhenan,” he whispered, shaking his head into my hair. “Please.”

I ached against those words. I wrapped my arms around him and held him as the pain ached out of him. A thousand things came flushing by my mind and I silenced the lies before they reached my tongue. I would not lie to him. I would not promise I would be safe, when I knew I would take any risk for him or his cause. I snuggled my head against his as the dragon reached to comfort her wolf. “I love you, Solas,” I whispered against the tears his hurting brought to me. “I won’t lie to you, so,” I sighed and reached over my neck to pull him up. I would see his eyes if I was to do this. I held him above me, the tears dropping from his cheeks onto my chin. “I will promise this: I will _try_ not to give you cause to worry so; I will wait to use my magic again, until it feels ‘back’. I cannot promise I will not risk all for you, Vhenan, because that would be a blatant lie.” I sighed and shook my head lightly. “I love you. I would destroy worlds to have you smile at me, build galaxies for your kiss. I don’t know another way to be, Vhenan. I’ve always been yours. I will be until I die.”

He pulled me up to him and kissed me then. I felt his acceptance in that, his hatred for the fact that he couldn’t protect me from it, his gratitude for my confession, but above it all was the shared feeling, the linking of our souls echoing happily back against each other to hear the commitments reciprocated. I felt when the kiss changed, when it shifted from his response to his body’s. I leaned into him then. I would not deny that I wanted that too. I kissed him back, with the same need, my need. He growled into my mouth as his hands ripped the covers aside.

He’s bestial nature made me smile up at him. Always contained until he wasn’t, my wolf tore the sheet aside and sated his needs to touch, to have, burying me back into the furs with his kisses. His fingers drew fire from my skin and tightened muscle half a body away.

I whined up at him as he pulled his body away to strip off the tunic I’d been tugging at. He sated my whining, returning his touch and kiss to me ever more hastily. One hand toying with my breast, the other reached up to snag my jaw aside to give him free access to my neck. I moaned and squirmed against him, feeling his bulging heat as my hips ground upward, seeking a comfort he kept from me.

[[[The two guards grinned at each other and picked up the cards before stepping away a bit further. One healer went to walk toward the tent and got a quick, “Hey.” The healer looked over and both guards shook their heads. Cullen came up to them then as the healer walked away with a shrug.

“And you think you’re doing your jobs out here shouting at healers now?” he asked.

“No offense, sir, but we both figured we’d give’em some privacy,” the one guard said with a huge grin. Cullen stared at him a moment before the thought dawned and bloomed across his face in brilliant vermillion.

“That’s why you are out here?!” he demanded.

“Boss, you don’t pay either of us enough to sit there listening to that and not do something. Afraid you’d be a lot more pissed off to come out here to me having my thing out for the need from listening.” Cullen blushed harder and walked off whispering a dozen things under his breath that seemed to echo around ‘maker save us’. The two guards grinned at each other then and returned to their game.

“Notice he didn’t argue it,” the other guard joked and they both laughed. ]]]

Still twined together, I lay snuggled against his chest. I didn’t truly understand before why women got so hung up about it. Sex was just a thing we learned about and it usually turned my stomach to think about. Sensei had warned me that it might always do that, considering what all had happened to me. I nuzzled into Solas’ chest and smiled. _Glad he was wrong._ Solas’ contented sigh as he held me closer eased places I hadn’t realized had hurt.

“Herald!” I heard shouted from outside and Solas came conscious, pulling me tight to him.

I laid a hand to his chest and he relaxed slightly.

“Herald! I wouldn’t-”

The tent flap came up and I glanced back over my bare shoulder as Adaar froze in the entrance. I felt Solas lower his jaw and could feel the anger off of him as he pointedly tossed a fur across my lower half.

“Something important, Herald?” The question was polite enough though the tone echo more than the ‘it better be’.

Adaar swallowed. “Problems.” It seemed the only word he could get by that lump in his throat staring down at me.

I didn’t have to look back up at Solas to know he had his usual eyebrow up and Adaar finally broke his stare down at me to look up at Solas and tried to clear his throat again.

“Leliana’s spies just reported back. Our soldiers in the Fallow Mire have been taken captive. Dorian and Vivienne both refuse to accompany me to retrieve them. I need a mage,” he stated as if that made obvious his interruption. Solas sighed and silence followed a moment. I chuckled and they both began looking at me.

I looked up at my lover then and he shook his head as he read it across my face. He didn’t bother switching to Elven as he said, “Another place you knew I would have to be?” Adaar’s shock could be heard in his gasp. I smiled up at Solas and he sighed again before switching to Elven and tucking my hair back behind my long ears. “It seems moments like these are all we’ll have,” he said sadly. I smiled at him as he pulled his hand away and I could think past the excitement his touch sent through my body.

“Not forever,” I said. “For a few months. But it will settle for a while after. Coreypheus will not resurface himself for a good bit of time yet.” Solas held me to him tighter, placing his head atop mine as he sighed again before he nodded.

“Very well, Herald,” he finally said. “Give me a few moments to dress and ready myself.” He sighed again. “I’ll meet you at the gates.” Adaar’s relief could be felt.

“Thank you, Solas.” He paused, then added, “and please thank her too.”

Solas nodded and Adaar left. “He’s kind of cute for how terrified he is of me,” I said on a laugh. Solas sat back to look down at me. “Well he is,” I added in response to that look and began laughing in earnest. “He doesn’t realize that I have no desire to kill him.” The other eyebrow went up. “I’ll explain later. You will have time here soon,” I promised placing my palm to his cheek. “_We_ will have time here soon.” He smiled down at me and placed his hand to the back of mine.

“It cannot be soon enough.”

“I know, ma lath. You don’t want to leave again so soon, but he will need you.” A cock of his head to the side. “You will fight multiple rifts and find things in the Mire he _must_ find. You will be able to explain it to him. Neither Dorian nor Vivienne could. You are needed.” He sighed again and leaned in to kiss my palm.

In Elvish he asked looking up at me, “And when do I have what I need?” I smiled.

“A few years from now,” I began. “The Inquisition will build to a full force and be forced to explain itself before the world leaders. You will begin the process of tearing down the Veil shortly after.” I sighed then and pulled my shoulders back, though I threw my gaze down at his chest. “Then we face the Evanuris.” He tucked a finger under my chin and the gaze he met me with was a warning. “No, Vhenan. If I still live when the Veil falls, I _will_ be right by your side. I warned you of that before.” He sighed and looked sadly down at me. “It will be, Solas. You don’t have to want it, but it will happen.” He pulled me back to him again, as tight as he could hold without hurting me.

“It is not a path I would ever have wanted for you, Vhenan.” I smiled sadly and forced him to let me sit up.

I smiled down at him in earnest then. “But it is not a path you will be allowed to deny me, ma lath. I am bound to your side as much as your arms or legs. I am yours, your power, your weapon, your lover.” He froze and stared up at me. I chuckled then. “Didn’t think I noticed?” His head moved only slightly to the side, but the question was implied. “We linked too tightly for it to be merely love or will. You are mine and I am yours, beyond madness or reason.” He smiled then. “I will fight at your side again when I heal.” That elicited a frown. “Not now, Solas. I am far from recovered, I can tell that. But when Corephyeus comes with his dragon, and he will,” I paused to smiled down at him as I felt her stir across me, an anxious shiver, “I will destroy it and then him.” I took his face in my hands then and threw my will behind my next words, as I would destroy this entire army to prevent it. “The Herald will not be allowed to touch the Orb.”

He smiled sadly. “Always for me.” I smiled at him.

“Always have been.” I heard the horses then. “You need to hurry. The soldiers will not last long.” He rose then and began dressing. I won’t deny I spared a moment to enjoy the view before changed tone and began instructing. “Do _not_ let them rest near the water,” I urged as I passed him clothing that he slid into quickly. “The Mire is plagued, so you will need to treat any injury quickly.” He nodded as he accepted the armor pieces I passed to him. “And,” I paused to pull his face down to me for a quick kiss as he was readying his armor. He looked down at me after. “Please be safe, ma Lath.” I tried to hide it, the concern, the fear that he could be riding off to his death. So much had already changed in this time, what if…

He kissed me back then, pulling me to his side with one arm and holding the armor with the other. He smiled down at me then. “I’ll come back to you.” It was a promise and I blinked back the need to cry before helping him into the armor. He kissed me once more before he left the tent. I rose then and looked about.

Cole appeared beside me, “It’s safe.” I smiled at him.

“Good morning, my Cole.” He grinned.

“You were wanting to know if you could pull other clothing to you from the Veil; it’s safe. You are healing quickly. Look,” he urged, pointing to my forehead. I felt the water of the dragon skull’s binding shimmer around my head as he did.

I sighed against it. It felt like a warm blanket in the cold wind. I reached up and touched the skull, feeling for my will. The water was there, still churning chaotically, but already almost back to its potential from before; a large lake at the moment churning into an ocean within. I sighed as I opened my eyes again. Cole had gone. I smiled. He helped and then was gone, that was just Cole.

Closing my eyes again, I tried to envision within what would best suit the Dread Wolf’s lady that was _not_ the armor. I was never a gold girl, so I threw the concept of wearing that right out the window. Blues and silvers were more my colors, even before I had ever read of Solas. The clothing began forming before me above the water. It was draining, but it worked. I willed them separated and placed in mini-quadrants around me, before I released the energy to pull and opened my eyes. The clothing dropped to the ground suddenly in their places. I smiled and heaved a breath.

It was still challenging; summoning my will like that left me near breathless at the moment. I sat still a moment and waited for my breathing to return to normal, my heart rate to decrease to a point it didn’t feel like it was going to burst from my breasts before moving to dress. The undergarments were easy, I just pulled those from my past, because forget wearing the things I’d seen here. Might as well wear a diaper and a card-board box. Those strapped on, I smiled. I kept them lace. He seemed to like the lace and the thought made me grin.

The trousers a work of art, thick dark-blue velvet exterior lined in micro-fiber cotton/fleece, I had created them specifically to look good and protect from the winds of Skyhold. Hundreds of feet up in elevation, it would be a fool who thought it would ever be warm here. It might, come summer, reach twenty-two or twenty-three degrees celsius, but I wasn’t counting on it; also why the socks were added, triple-thick, hanes, knee-high with the additional elastic bands. It actually took me a few moments to adjust to the socks on my new feet; it just felt so weird. The socks tucked up though under the trousers and gave that extra layer of warmth to my calves.

I grinned as I slipped into my boots. _Leliana would not approve_, I thought on a chuckle as I sat to zip the inside up to my knee. Faux-suede in a light grey, lined in thick wool padding and comfortable cotton inner most lining left them warm and breathable, even if the inch high heel might turn some heads. I stood and stepped against them. Good, even remembered the memory-foam insoles. I stood and reached for my undershirt first. Slipping into the camisole, it felt awkward to adjust myself upward before reaching for the shift. Long, bleach-white wool-cotton, stretching down over my waist, cased in the dark-blue leather tunic. I cinched it to my waist with the silver cord and smiled as I tossed the ends and knot to my left side.

I pulled on the cloak next, midnight blue, trimmed in starlight silver. I’d created a cloak barely longer than I was tall, and the heels made up for that. I flipped it on my shoulders a few times until it felt right before binding it down to the tunic. I’d done that on purpose, as I’d taken hints from how Solas held our cloak on the road. The left tie fitted to a securing ring on the side of my right shoulder and vice versa. It secured comfortably and I twirled once to be sure it cleared the ground. As I affirmed it to myself, I pulled on my gloves. Probably the least fashionable thing I was ever worried about wearing, they were thick leather casing fox fur and cotton lining, tracing from finger tips to my mid-forearm. They had one purpose, function. I did remember to color them light grey but other than that, I could care less how they looked. I wasn’t about to risk frost bite for fashion.

I reached back and felt the hood of the cloak before I pulled it up to be sure I’d done that right. The hood came up an extra three inches ahead of me. Wind chill often bit the faces of those unprepared, but I knew that. Old Man Kelly’s farm was out in the mountains. I knew how cold winters could get. I smiled and tossed the hood back then as I knelt and began packing up the tent. I’d seen him do it and I could finally stand without pain or dizzy sp- _Nope, not doing that again._ I straightened my spine and began.

One never truly understands how much goes into setting up a tent until you have to pull it down. Without his little nifty Eluvian, it was significantly more challenging. I got most of it together and stepped out of the tent to bring it down. I had no intention of announcing my presence, so I did so as silently as possible. It wasn’t until I was rolling it up that the guards stationed out a few meters noticed and jumped up.

“Oh, let us help,” the one called, drawing way more attention then I cared for as half the healer’s in sight, stopped to stare.

“No, thank you,” I said back and to the puzzled looks I sighed. _This was going to be trying_. I shook my head and shoo’d them off.

“Commander, the Commander will want to know you’re awake and,” before he could finish the other guard was gone at a bolt up the stairs. I sighed again and shook my head as I finished packing everything together. The guard came over then as a healer brought a pack to put it all in. I nodded and thanked them, only to have to sigh again. Cole appeared then.

“She was trying to thank you,” Cole explained. I felt myself sigh in relief. Both the guard and the healer smiled then.

“You’re very welcome, my lady.”  
“It’s the least we could do.”

“What do you mean packing camp?!” echoed down from the tower to the east. I looked up as Cullen stormed out to stare down at me.

_Here we go again._ I sighed and I lifted the pack over the cloak with a nod of thanks to both guard and healer.

“Where will you go?” Leliana’s voice came from the stairs as she walked down them at a stately pace. I looked up at her, then placed my hands together in front of me and threw the right out to the side after. “Just away?” she asked. I nodded. She sighed then as she stopped before me. “It is preferred if you don’t,” she stated as if it were a command. “While I will be the first to admit, my behavior on your behalf was poor, at best, I,” she paused. “I would like you to stay.” I raised an eyebrow and she stared down at me. The games had never made obvious how much taller than an elf she truly stood.

“I believe what the spymaster so tactlessly is trying to say is, _please_ stay,” Josephine echoed as she glided down the stair to us. Stately and as beautiful as a crimson sunrise in her golden finery, Josephine was everything from the game and more. Her olive skin and pale green eyes gave her a down-played advantage over Leliana. Both were players of “The Game”, and though Leliana far surpassed Josephine in it, Josephine was no slump. Antivan to the core, she knew where the knives belonged and hatches were buried and she used it with an aplomb that would make most shiver. I smiled up at her as she joined us, before purposely executing a man’s half-bow.

Leliana sighed. “Is there a way for us to convince you to stay?” Leliana asked. To her advantage, Cole appeared.

“Hatred, haunting, hurting from before; she knew and she would stay silent for me. I must know why but I cannot lose another, oh Maker, please. Not again.”

“Be quiet, you,” she hissed. I smiled and placed a hand on Cole’s shoulder.

“I will translate for you,” he said nodding, smiling at me.

“Thank you, Cole.” I turned to her then. “I never meant you harm with the memories, only to affirm that I knew what I was discussing.” Cole mimicked me, in word, tone and inflection. “I have no desire to remain, and it has been made more than apparent that most of you here would rather I go.” Cole paused there and turned to me.

“I don’t want you to go.” I smiled sadly at him.

“Neither do I,” Leliana said with a sigh. “I acted, hastily, before and it almost cost us everything.” She swallowed. “I’m sorry.” I released Cole and stepped forward. I took Leliana’s hands in mine and stared up at her.

“You were scared and alone. It was happening again,” Cole repeated it perfectly. “Can you really guarantee it won’t happen again?” As Cole finished, he slipped. “Can’t protect what you don’t understand, won’t understand because you don’t want to see. Forgive me, nightingale, but you cannot promise, you cannot do this.”

Leliana sighed again and forced a smile at me. “I cannot promise, but I can promise you safe harbor, here; a warm bed, and food, gear if you need it.” She struggled through it and I felt it echo and wondered briefly.

“Yes,” Cole answered and I grinned.

Leliana looked curiously at him. “What?”

“She wanted to know if she was feeling you feeling across the Veil.” Leliana’s gaze shot back up to my face. I sighed sadly.

“Solas will expect me to be here on his return. I did promise him.” I looked away.

“She says Solas will want her here when he gets back.”

Josephine spoke then. “You are correct,” and I turned to face her, releasing Leliana. “Mr. Solas left instructions that I was to prepare a room for you in the basement of the rotunda; something about a soft quiet space.” I smiled sadly then.

_He would_.

“He did,” Cole confirmed.

“Word for word?” I asked up to Cole who nodded and I looked up between Josephine and Leliana. “I will remain for a time then, but not indefinitely.” Cole echoed me perfectly and Leliana nodded as Josephine gave a “we’ll see” shrug.

“That’s settled then,” Josephine said with a smile. “Please follow me. You’re quarters are this way,” she began as she started for the stairs. The guard lifted the pack from my shoulder and smiled at me as I looked back.

“Commander would insist,” he whispered. I smiled and nodded to him to watch him grin, then returned my attention to Josephine. Cole had vanished again and Leliana gestured for me to lead.

“I hope you’ll find it to your liking,” Josephine was in full-flow as we walked up the steps and around the bend. I paused shocked a moment. In the game, this upper courtyard was only equivalent to the size of a large house, maybe two at most. This, however, was expansive. I had not dreamed Skyhold could be so large. The upper courtyard spanned closer to the size of a city block. On its own the courtyard was nearly as large as the entirety of Old-Man Kelly’s ranch. I know I was gawking for a moment. This place could house full armies, not just pittances like the Inquisition, but full legions of armies.

_And that’s what he had created it for_. I straightened before continuing. This was his home, his place and he was sharing it with them at my request. As we began ascending the stairs to the common room, the grand cathedral-like center piece of Skyhold, I looked on, learning more of my lover and his architectural ingenuity. I went in expecting the games great hall that echoed multiple movies of medieval England, and still about froze stunned at what was before me. Enormity I think takes its definition from that cavernous hall. Not just one but six fireplaces lined the hall on each side, spreading warmth and light. Candelabra, twelve candle candelabras, were spaced evenly down the center of the hall. The first third of this cavern had tables, sixteen to twenty person tables with plenty of room between them so as not to sit on your neighbor. Benches along the tables that Josephine was complaining, saying she would see to it proper chairs were ordered, dusted but still worn by the passages of ages. Beams from the ceilings seemed to have collapsed in in places as thatching and wood lay strewn about the floor as we carefully stepped over and passed. The guard tripped once and I swung to catch him and my gear. He blushed and righted.

“Thank you, my Lady.” I grinned and shook my head, then returned to Josephine’s guide.

Just passed the second fireplace on the wall in the right, we entered a door that lay open against the wall. A quick glance and I could see the hinges had worn in. They would have had to pry that loose, but that was the door Josephine was leading us through.

“Please, forgive the mess,” she said. “I will see it tended to before long. I don’t know why he insisted you be placed here, but there was no time to question before they had to leave. Oh,” she paused to look back at me. “Did you know they were gone?” She was fishing and it amused me. I nodded. “And where to?” I nodded again as I grinned at her. “You knew before?” Another nod. “Ah. Well,” she said and we turned back to walking, “I’m sure you know whether or not they’ll come back safely.” She glanced over her shoulder at me, though I kept my grin and didn’t respond otherwise. “I see.” She looked forward again and led us to the far wall. By game standards, we should be facing the stairs to head up to the library, but instead faced a large wooden door. Leliana stepped by us to open it, the hinges squealing in protest to the movement they had not accompanied in ages. It opened into a stair curling downward to the right and I cocked a curious expression at Leliana.

“This was where he said you should be housed,” Leliana stated in a way that said it was _far_ from where she would have picked. I smiled and patted her shoulder then followed Josephine down. The sconces on the wall had been lit recently by the look of it, though the stairs dropped us down a good ways as Josephine continued.

“I do not understand Mr. Solas’ choice in housing either, but it was specific and detailed, so he must know your taste. Or, at least, I hope he does. I would hate to give off the wrong impression on his instruction,” She began and as we descended her tone shifted and her voice sped up a little. At a point when she started rambling about the poor footing in the dark, even though the sconces illuminated the ground before us fine, I reached forward and set a hand on her shoulder. She jumped slightly and turned to face me. I smiled encouraging at her and she smiled embarrassed back. “I’m sorry. I was rambling.”

“We noticed,” Leliana retorted. Josephine drew a breath.

“Closed spaces like this make me very nervous,” she stated. I gripped her shoulder then and smiled at her again. “You may not speak the common language, but you cannot be misinterpreted when you try.” I grinned then and released her with a nod. She drew in another breath and proceeded down the stairs further. We must have been walking down those stairs for the last four minutes before we reached another door, this one left open. The glow from the fire within was a welcome breeze to both myself and poor Josephine as we stepped into the large room. “I apologize that it feels like going through a dungeon to get here, but the room itself has been fitted to the best of our abilities at the moment. Mr. Solas did request a few other things be brought in though those will take time to get here,” she stated as I walked the room and took it in.

_He would._ I smiled. _Dread Wolf’s lady indeed. _The bed in the center of the room was draped and curtained and by the look of it with fresh linens. I ran my fingers over them as I walked passed them.

“Mr. Solas requested new furs be brought in. Would you know why he insisted on wolf furs?” She asked. I smiled at her and rubbed my arms quickly. “Ah, yes. Of course. He did also say he would order his own linens when he returned but I wanted to have something for you in the meantime. I hope you do not mind.” I smiled over at her as I touched the bedframe and felt the Veil echo back into me.

_This is his room_, I thought then as I saw the wolf carving on the post. My smile gentled then and I walked to the desk on the far west side of the room. Books already piled to one side.

“Oh, yes,” Josephine said as if she could ever have forgotten anything. “He did say he wanted a few books brought down from the library. They are all in Elvish though. Do you not read common either?” she asked politely. I looked over at her sadly then shook my head and looked back down at the books. I stroked the top of one gently as she said. “Oh, I’m very sorry.” I shook my head and looked to the other corners. A chest of drawers and armoire against the far east corner near a table with bowl and polished steel mirror on the wall. “I will say it was a challenging to meet some of his requests.” I looked over at her curiously then. “Your expression seems to speak for you,” she said with a smile. I nodded. “Well, I was referring to the need for a corner empty of everything, to include lights.” I looked over at the corner she was speaking of and stepped into it, touching the walls lightly and smiled, then tossed the smile back over to her as the only thought passed hard across my expression.

_Mine._

“Oh,” she said as it registered. “You were to be left that to decorate as _you_ will?” she asked to be certain. The smile broke into a grin as I nodded. “Please let me know what you would like,” she began and I held up a hand and shook my head. “Not for now,” she affirmed. “As you’d have it. Well, I’m sure you’d like to settle in and freshen up. I’ll ask the maids to bring down a fresh bath for you.” She swallowed hard before she said, “I’ll be sure to keep the sconces lit for you journey back to the world of sunlight.” I chuckled then and she relaxed. I stepped to her then and took her fine boned hand in mine before I looked up at her with the question. “I don’t understand,” she finally said. I smiled and placed my hand to my chest, then removed it to make a walking motion with my two longest fingers, then raised the hand above my head. “Oh that won’t be necessary,” she said hurriedly. “Leliana will be with me. I’ll be alright,” she stated. I smiled and looked over at Leliana who smiled back before the smile faded.

“You still care, even for those who treated you so poorly.” My smile gentled to her. “Reason or not, it was poorly,” she stated. I nodded, followed with a half shrug and looked around the room then back to her. “I don’t think the accommodations make up that much.” I grinned then and nodded to her. “Well, if you do, I guess that’s what counts.” She sighed. “Welcome to the Inquisition.” I shook my head then and she paused. I stepped away from Josie then to pull fire from the fireplace to float over my hand and formed Solas from it, smiling at us, then replaced it in the fire and looked back at her. “You stay for him?” I nodded. “Just as happy to have you.” I executed a half bow then and she grinned. “We have to teach you to curtsy though, that bow leaves a lot to be desired.” I laughed then and she smiled, the old-Leliana smile. I nodded then and she took Josephine by the hand and began their trek back up. The guard had already deposited my things by the bed and made his way back up to report to the Commander, I imagined.

As the door closed behind them, I sighed sadly. _Oh, Solas. I miss you already_.

“Wanting, wandering, worried after her; will she be alright while I’m gone? The Mire is so far. What will they do to her? She cannot speak to them. How will she manage?” I smiled as Cole appeared. 

I held his cheeks in my hands a moment and willed Solas all the comfort and love I could. I knew Cole would see it to him. Cole smiled and disappeared for a few minutes. I sat before the fire and watched. Like Haven, he’d enchanted this one too. It made me smile. A knock came to the door and I rose. The maid, too obviously an older maid, on the other side paused. “Lady Josie said ya needed a bath. I’m here to give ya one,” she announced. I took her hands and shook my head.

“Ya don’t need a bath?” she asked. I stepped back, then extended my right arm to the far side past my left shoulder and traced it in an arc over past my right shoulder. “Later then?” I nodded. “Alright. You send for ol’Brunhilde as ya need,” she said, did a brief curtsy and started back up the steps. “Spymaster might have mentioned the mountain of steps to get here. Throw my bloody back out try,” she grumbled on her way back up. I grinned. Quite the personality mesh within the Inquisition.

I closed the door then walked back over to the bed. I pulled the gloves and cloak off and laid them across the base of the bed then and went to sit by the fire. The warmth was welcome and I could forget for a moment that he wasn’t in the chair not far just reading. I ached for the loneliness of it.

“Will you sing now?” Cole’s voice greeted me as he returned. I looked up at him curiously. “We’re in Skyhold now.” He sounded so like a child saying I’m home, now can I play. I smiled up at him and straightened then patted my lap. He smiled and sat beside me, snuggling his head down against the velvet pants. I could only think of two songs I knew from their world, as I thought trying to bring to mind what to sing him. Finally I just began. I sang him “Mir Da'len Somniar” and “Leliana’s Song” before I drifted into songs from my world. He seemed content just to lay there and pretend to sleep so long as I would keep singing, so I did. Singing to him helped me too, helped me put Solas from my mind a moment and just be.

I slipped into one of my sadder songs at one point and Cole sat up before the tear drop hit him. He looked at me puzzled a moment and then just hugged me. I had sung that song for my father’s funeral and it still hurt. Sensei had told me that I had never taken time to grieve for my father, so I would always hurt when I thought of him.

“Not always,” Cole insisted. “You can grieve now,” he said and I swear he cut something within me that was holding it back because I did, I cried against Cole for hours. I cried until I slept, clear dreamless sleep.

[[[He knew he had to focus. It was hard enough to ride a horse down a mountainside safely, but his mind kept wandering back to her. No one in Skyhold could understand her. What if the Commander did try to make her Tranquil? What would he do? What would she do?

“You alright there, Chuckles?” Varric asked. Solas scoffed.

“A minor distraction is all.” Varric grinned back at him and said nothing more. Adaar seemed too concerned with what might be happening to ‘his men’ to care about their conversation, though Cassandra had been watching Solas closely. “What is it, Seeker?” Solas finally asked. She faced forward a long moment before speaking.

“The girl?”

“It is of no consequence,” Solas replied curtly. Cassandra was silent for a moment.

“I’m worried about her too,” Cassandra admitted.

“Seeker, did you just have a feeling?” Varric asked incredulously and Cassandra scoffed.

“Let it go, Varric,” Adaar said over his shoulder. He glanced back to Solas. “What is the fastest way we can reach level ground,” he paused and then added, “safely.” Solas graced him with a half-smile at the addendum before answering.

He opened his mouth to answer as Cole appeared beside him. “Do not worry so, Vhenan. I am safe in Tarasyl'an Te'las. I will be waiting for you. Do not worry for me.” Solas smiled.

“Thank you, Cole.”

“It almost feels like winter feast. First the Seeker has a feeling and then Solas actually smiles. Next you’ll tell me Adaar’s going to recite Antivan Poetry for us?” Adaar shook his head. “Too much to ask for.” Cole smiled at Varric then at Solas.

“He doesn’t like trying to ride in mountains either,” Cole said.

“Could you send us with the mounts, Cole?” Solas asked as a thought hit him.

Cole grinned and then touched Varric’s nug on the nose. Suddenly the steeds were stirrup-deep in bog water and dead things were swarming around them.

“Guess I should have been more specific,” Solas said as he tore his staff from the pack and cast a barrier over all of them.

As battle finished, Adaar asked, “What in the Void, just happened?”

Solas chuckled as he shook water off his legging. “I asked Cole to send us to the Mire with our mounts.” He twisted his tunic and dirty water fell from it to the squishy mud under foot. “Apparently I should have been more specific.” He looked up then nodded towards Harding as she approached. “I suppose we will not have to wait long for a summary of the situation here though.” Adaar looked over.

“Herald. Welcome to the Fallow Mire,” she greeted.

After explanations they set off. Solas warned them of the water and what she had said and they all agreed that they’d rather be back in the hinterlands before trying to rest. None of them like the idea of trying to find a spot of dry land to put bedrolls on, let alone tents as the drizzling rain continued. The boglands were extensive and did take some maneuvering to stay out of the water. They fought through the undead and spirits and rifts though. As they approached the castle entrance at the heart of the Mire, the undead seemed to multiply exponentially.

“Run for the castle,” Cassandra shouted and shield down, charged a group of them.

Varric did his best to lay down suppressive fire but a crossbow can only fire so many times in a row so quickly. One got through and slid an old rusty blade by the opening in Cassandra’s arm gear.

She growled at it before severing its head. Adaar was there beside her then, fighting at her back. They danced in unison for a while until the castle gates reached view, then all four made a dash for them. Solas kicked the winch, dropping the portcullis closed on three of the undead, spewing darkened blood over his clothing. He sighed irritably as he attempted to wipe away what could be. The inner of the castle was empty and he realized it was merely a tower side.

“Quite an interesting fortress.”

“You can dream later, fade-walker,” Adaar growled, holding Cassandra arm up.

“I’ll be fine,” she declared ripping the arm away to grimace.

“We may need all the strength you have in the battle to come, Seeker. Please allow me to see to that,” Solas asked. She growled and extended the arm on another wince. Solas looked at it quickly. “It will need to be cleaned later, but,” he paused and sealed the wound close, “that should hold it for now.”

“Thank you,” she choked out. Adaar looked up at Solas then with a gaze Solas understood only too well.

“When we are out of this place the wound will need to be opened and cleaned. There is a good bit of rust and debris within.” Adaar nodded then.

“Let’s get this over with then,” Adaar said and half ran up the side to the other portcullis and began winching it up. The exertion was needed for him, so Solas didn’t interfere. Internally it amused him, but he would not begrudge the man his affections.]]]

Tarasyl'an Te'las, the place where the sky was held back; a moving place, filled with memory and hope. I sighed. It’d lost its luster after I had finished exploring everything I could find. I had found I preferred the battlements. It was windy sure, but that also meant it was mostly empty and so long as I kept my cloak and gloves on, I really didn’t feel the sting of the wind. It had become a routine though by the end of the first week. I would rise and dress, and ascend to the hall. There was always some kind of food strewn across one of the tables; sometimes all. A brief nibble and then descend to gear up and walk the high walls of the battlements. I thought of them as ramparts only until the first time I walked them. The distance from one side of the wall to the other was enough one could almost drive a car down.

I found another difference though, on my first day of walking them. Guard rotations were not two men, they were six and the men did not sit in one spot. All six men paced the battlements and there were twelve teams of them active at any time, each assigned their own stretch of wall to patrol. When the Commander wasn’t looking some of them would duck into the towers to warm their hands at the braziers for a moment, which I found amusing, but I only nodded to them as I padded by.

I used my spells sparingly for the time, but as I’d walk the battlements, Cole would usually walk them with me. After the fifth time of him asking me to sing, I just decided I would start walking the battlements, and when I was away from the guards, I would sing. I knew he would hear me regardless of where in Skyhold he was. He’d smile up at me occasionally, the winds ever pulling at the cloak as I’d sing into the wind. It seemed without fail though that if I started pining for Solas, Cole would appear beside me and start talking with me, or he’d settle in my lap down in Solas’ room and ask me to sing to him again. I knew that it wasn’t just to ease him anymore but neither could I deny it worked. The more I focused on singing the less I had time to focus on how much I wish I had him back in my arms.

[[[“Don’t suppose Cole could send us all back the way we got here, do you?” Varric asked as he helped the last of the wounded soldiers mount up behind Cassandra.

“You could try to summon him to ask?” Solas suggested knowing the answer.

“No, thank. I think I’ll just ride.” Solas hid a smile then and pressed his mount forward. He wouldn’t tell the dwarf that a part of him wished Cole would appear to do just that, but it may also tax the poor spirit and he would not allow it, so he put Cole from his mind and focused on the journey back, back to her.

Cassandra leaned forward a little in her saddle then and Solas threw a questioning glance her way and she forced herself to straighten, though she had to blink repeatedly to do it. This had taken over a full ten days to get through and none had slept.

“Cassandra?” It was Adaar. He was trying to be quiet about it, but Solas’ ears were not just to frame his face. She glanced at him and shook her head. She tried to smile, though the pain complicated the process. His expression mirrored a kicked puppy and Solas had to keep himself from grinning. Finally she relented.

“Mage,” she called and Solas forced his expression to obey the need to be oblivious to what he’d observed as he threw his questioning glance at her.

“Yes, Seeker?”

“How long should we wait until this, _thing_ can be cleaned?”

Solas slid from his mount to walk over and examine it. He didn’t need to, but she didn’t need to know that. He feigned examining for a moment then released her. “Truthfully,” he paused and she nodded. “It should be done as soon as possible, the infections are spreading into your muscles and will soon reach the vein, but I would not advise doing so while we are still in a plague-ridden area.” She sighed on a half-growl.

“So we need Cole?” Adaar more said than asked.

“I can,” Cole said as he appeared.

Solas shook his head. “We need to be specific, Cole, so probably better not to transport us directly to Skyhold.” Solas paused a moment then the thought hit and as he looked up, Cole smiled and nodded. Solas moved then and launched himself back into the saddle ahead of the wounded soldier sitting there. Solas nodded to him and Cole touched Cassandra fodder and they appeared in an area they all recognized. It was the campsite their first night out of Haven.

“I can get us home from here, definitely,” Adaar said as he looked around. “Can you heal her here?” he asked impatiently. Cassandra flushed lightly.

“It is not so much to fuss over,” she insisted, though even in the cold her entire skin brightened in sheen.

“I disagree, Seeker,” Solas stated as he slid down and drew a dagger from the soldier’s belt before turning to her. “It is reaching your blood. You can feel it.” She glared at him, so he turned up to Adaar. “Can you hold the arm?” Adaar was off his steed and beside Solas in seconds. He reached for her and she jerked away.

“I can manage without that,” she stated. Adaar looked to Solas, who glanced up at her disbelievingly.

“It will hurt, Seeker.”

“And I’ve had worse,” she threw back.

“At least come off the horse,” he suggested.

“Happily,” she retorted and attempted to throw her leg over and hold the saddle with that arm. Adaar was there as the arm gave and she fell back from the horse that shied away from her outcry.

“Cassandra?” Adaar asked as he held her up.

“I’m fine,” she said against the pain and stood, only to sway. “Tired is all,” she argued. Solas reached down and lifted fresh snow and laid it across her wound, rubbing gently. She hissed once and he tried to be more careful with a brief apology.

“Easy, man. She’s already hurt.” It wasn’t actually meant to insult Solas and he knew it; merely the grumblings of a man that couldn’t help the one he most wanted to.

“Of course, Herald.” As the gunk washed off into the snow putrid green and yellow pressed out of the wound as gently as he could, Cassandra looked away. Adaar took a chance then and held her tight to him, the arm still in Solas’ grasp.

“Do it,” he said as Solas raised the dagger to view. Cassandra was in pain and exhausted and fighting nausea down too hard to argue with them much.

“I’m no child. There is no nee-ah.” The cry forced Adaar to hold his breath in a moment and his face scrunched tight. The look he shot Solas was one the mage only too well understood.

_Please finish this quickly_.

It was how he’d felt every time a healer had come to change her bandages. He nodded and lifted the dagger away. The snow at his feet became multicolored between the puss and blood pouring out. He drew in from the Fade and sealed it from inside out, ripping water currents by as gently as he dared between healing blasts. She squirmed again and Adaar was never so happy that she couldn’t actually see him shed a tear. He merely held her tighter.

As Solas finished, he sat back. In exhausted breaths he said, “It’ll be tender for a day or so, but it’s done.” Adaar released her slowly, purposely pushing his hand by his face to conceal it as he set her back.

He looked down at her questioningly. “Do you, believe we could rest here, for a night?” Cassandra asked through the pain, looking up at Solas.

“I don’t see why not. We should be safe; this close to Skyhold and the cold air will help heal the wound.” She nodded and glared down at her arm before she threw a glance up at Adaar.

“I, may need help, setting my tent.” Adaar nodded.

“It’d be my honor, Seeker.” He pressed on then. “You’ve saved me many times. I owe you at least that much.” She scoffed and looked away. Varric chuckled and slid down his nug before assisting the other soldiers down.

Solas couldn’t help but agree with Varric here. It was almost painfully obvious the boy was head over heels for her and he’d just stuck one of said heels directly in his mouth. But Solas was silent about it. It was not his place to judge them. _I do wonder if she knows about this?_ He thought briefly as he reached for his pack only to realize the tent and bedroll were still at Skyhold. _Of all the ignorant things I’ve ever done_, he cursed at himself a moment before he spread his thoughts skyward. _I apologize for_. Before he could finish the thought, Cole stood before him with the still bound sets of everything from when she’d bound up the tent and everything within.

“Thank you, Cole.”  
“Not a bother,” Cole said with a smile. Solas smiled at him a moment before Cole looked off towards Skyhold and disappeared. Solas grinned then.

_So very grateful this spirit of compassion is here_, he thought briefly as he began setting up his tent. She did things rather differently than he did, so it did take longer than usual, but that was alright. He didn’t imagine he’d Fade walk tonight. His exhaustion was actually hurting his bones at this point and the cold air was not helping _that_. He didn’t bother waiting for the food that night. Once the tent was up and the bedroll out, he stepped inside and in armor and all, stretched out on the roll that still smelled faintly of her. He smiled as he let himself fall into deep dreamless sleep.

Despite his exhaustion, Adaar did not sleep until almost dawn when the first of the soldiers came awake again. “I’d rather at least have a watch,” Adaar lied.

“I’m up now, sir. Please try to rest,” the young lady said touching his shoulder gently. Adaar nodded as he watched the second guard start stirring by the camp fire.

“Alright. Just,” he paused. “Keep the campfire going. Other’s might need it,” he said and stepped into his tent. He lay on his bed a while though before dosing, still thinking of her screams, how it’d hurt her but it was necessary, how soft her hair was in his hands, how she’d clung to him in her pain. He wanted her to cling to him, he wanted to hold her, run his finger through that beautiful hair. _Who am I fooling?_ He asked himself as he rolled over onto his side and felt his eyes sting. _I’m just a qunari to her._ He closed his eyes then, grateful to the exhaustion for making him sleep dreamlessly.

The soldiers took rotating shifts for three days as their rescuers slept. On the fourth, Varric came out and asked what time it was. “Little after noon and the fourth day,” the one lady said. Varric froze.

“Come at me with that one more time?” he asked.

“The four of you have been asleep for three days now. This will be the fourth.”  
Varric blinked a moment. “I can’t say we didn’t need the rest but, shit.”

The guards all laughed. “Danny just finished making conie stew if you’d like some, Master Tethras,” the youngest guard offered.

Varric settled by them then near the fire. “Thank you, kid. Never been one much for rabbits but at the moment I’m hungry enough to eat a whole Bronto.”

The next to wake was Cassandra, mildly irritated at having anyone see her in such pain, she was more touchy than usual. Sadly that didn’t help when Adaar woke that evening at the same time Solas did. Prickly wouldn’t begin to describe her attitude for the next four day march back to Skyhold.]]]

I woke aching this morning. Everything seemed to pull me back to thinking of him. Cole came at one point while I finished dressing. I didn’t leave my cloak this time; I could do without the food this morning. I needed to ascend, needed to sing, to blast away the empty pull tugging at me with the chilling winds. I knew there would be a day he would leave Skyhold, but I didn’t need to remain focused on it. Even the dragon of my will was edgy. I needed to move, to do… _something_. I greeted Cole briefly before I began my walk up the stairs. I walked past the tables. I wasn’t hungry today. I needed out, needed air.

I mounted the steps to the battlements and stood in the wind for a moment, just letting it whip at my hair and cloak. I pretended to myself for a moment that it was the wind that pressed the water from my eyes, not the desperate need for a lover so far distant. I looked out over the walls. The mountains were always beautiful in the sun rise and sunset, the colors casting various hues down the snow tops. I smiled sadly at them. _As cold and alone as I am_. Cole appeared by me and took my hand in his.

“Not alone.” I smiled up at those blue-skies and then hugged him.

“For which I am eternally grateful, my friend.” He hugged me back before he set me back.

“Sing,” he urged. I smiled at him and looked out again across the mountain tops. It was a good day to start with “Leliana’s Song”, as love-sick as I felt.

He smiled and vanished as I began. I sang and sang and the day wore on.

I didn’t hear the horses approach against the wind and my voice; didn’t see the men and women dismount below. I didn’t see the lone figure make the mad dash up the stairs or Cole stop him in the inner courtyard. I was lost in my songs, nothing in or beyond. I needed the release, the place where I could go beyond touching my will to stretch wings that wouldn’t terrify the massive and cause problems for him. I needed the release that had always been my voice and I begged somewhere that he could hear my heart cry out for him. I ignored the soldiers that marched by as I stared out over the mountains, just singing to the sky.

[[[The last stretch had never taken so long to reach. Solas knew the distance, the exact number of _steps_ it took to reach Skyhold’s inner sanctum from that mountain top, but today he would swear someone had found a way to stretch it and make it take longer still. Most the injuries were healed among the riders so they were all half trotting as they reached the outer courtyard and rode up to the stables. Solas slid from his horse. He didn’t bother looking back for his gear, he was moving between people to the stairs, and then up them three at a time. He hit the inner courtyard and Cole was standing there smiling, right in his way.

“Aside, Cole,” he said as he went to step by him. Cole moved with him and shook his head, then turned and pointed up. Solas followed his gaze just as Leliana came down those steps he was aiming to take.

“That’s what she does every day it seems,” Leliana stated and Solas looked back at her.

“Pardon me?”

“Every day,” Leliana said pointing up at the lone figure, black hair streaming out behind her, the cloak flapping against the breeze, “she’s up on one of the walls singing to the sky for most of the day.”

“She sings?”

Leliana blinked looking at him, and then laughed. “Andraste’s scared prayers; I actually knew something about her before you did.” Solas looked back up then and watched a moment. If he focused he could hear the faint sounds echoing back, until Leliana went on. “None of us mind; she has a beautiful voice after all and it raises spirits around all of Skyhold. Some have even started to forget her dragon incident.” Solas smiled then.

Without meaning to she was acclimating to them and the thought amused him. Then he watched as Cole appeared beside her. ]]]

“Sailing, soaring, rising with the wind, she’s everything in a feeling and word. No. Don’t disturb her, Cole.” Cole froze and looked back into the courtyard as I turned to glance first at him then down below and my heart rose into my throat.

The eyes I’d longed to look back into stared up at me. Almost before I realized, I began moving, descending the stairs carefully. Cloaks are heavy things and I didn’t want to catch it as I came down. Cole was walking behind me and I smiled as I heard him.

“She might as well have wings, the garments make her nearly ethereal anyway. Sweet, succulent, slipping passed the tongue before words can damage them. Words, what words could I give her? What would describe the beauty in her? What could I-”

I smiled over my shoulder, “hush, Cole.” He grinned and disappeared and I continued down and Solas came to meet me at the bottom steps. Though my descent had been stately and measured, the steps off weren’t. I flew into his arms as he held me there, burying his head against my hair, wrapping his arms behind my back under the cloak. I nuzzled up against his neck. No words would ever fit the emotions there as he snuggled into the motion. I moved to sit back, to look up at him only to be crushed into a kiss that would leave me no doubt of his feelings. He was home, I was home to him and home was me. I held tight to him locking my arms behind his neck as the waves of that passed through us both. _It could never be home without him_.

He only sat back ultimately as breathe demanded the break, but only enough to set his forehead to mine, his arms still wrapped tight around my back. “Vhenan.” It was only one word, but it encompassed dictionaries worth of meaning in that single whispered moment. I won’t deny I let myself bask in it for a moment, closing my eyes to let the dragon soak in her sunlight.

“Solas,” I finally whispered. He chuckled and I looked up at him curiously.

A dozen thoughts played across his face before he leaned down to kiss me briefly. “A song all on its own,” he said with a grin.

“You’ve made it that before, yes,” I stated smiling up at him.

“I will again,” he replied and pulled his one hand out of the cloak to press a few loose strands back behind my shoulder. “I was simply amused that Leliana actually knew something about you I didn’t is all,” he finally answered. I threw him another questioning glance. “It makes sense, though. Why you wanted to hear them sing,” I blushed and looked down then, only to have that hand lift my chin to look at him. “What?” he asked then.

“Blushing, bashful, embarrassed beyond belief; I was only singing for him. Others were not meant to hear. Blast it all, I should have been silent, should have known better.” Solas shook my chin then, knowing where Cole was pulling those thoughts as he appeared beside us.

“Why are you embarrassed, Aethien?” he asked smiling down at me. I tried to look away, look anywhere but his eyes were a gravity well for me and I couldn’t. “You have a beautiful voice, Vhenan,” he stated and I felt my blush light my face back up into my ears.

He released my chin, but not my gaze. He smiled down at me for a dozen heart beats before he spoke again. I couldn’t speak, couldn’t bring my voice to move at all. I suddenly just felt a need to run, to disappear anywhere. I had not sung in so long, so sure my voice was lost forever, but even if it was, Cole would never hear the broken voice. Cole would hear the intent and I knew that, so I sung for Cole. No one else was supposed to hear me. Great Gods, what had I done? Had all of Skyhold heard?

“Mortified within, locked and drowning, great gods what have I done? I could have just as easily sung to him within my mind. He would have heard just as well. Foolish, stupid girl, what have I done? Holy Hells of Beyond, did everyone hear?” I squeezed my eyes shut then. I knew it was just Cole echoing my mind but I felt it echo back across the Veil. “Cole is too kind to judge a broken voice, too kind to care. What the hell have I done?” A warm hand grasped my face then against the chill breeze.

“Aethien.” The voice I’d pined for for weeks now calling my name and I hadn’t the courage to face him. Dragon or no, I was different, changed. My voice was not the one I knew, not the one I might have one day recovered. I had never meant to sing where anyone could hear, never meant for anyone to hear it again. I shook my head only to have a hand on either side, forcing me to look up into glowing blue-green eyes.

I tried, tried to talk to say something as he looked down at me, but my embarrassment only mounted and sealed air from my larynx. I felt my mouth move a dozen times to say something, but it was hard enough just to get air in and out, no words came.

He smiled at me ultimately as the worried looks faded. Then the Elven words shook me. “You think I would judge you harder than Cole?” Even against his hands I shook my head then.

“It’s not the same,” I finally shouted at him. “Not the same at all. Cole is, I mean,” I growled at my own inadequacies then. “Fuck me, I just can’t talk.” I sighed and tried to soothe the dragon writhing in me. “Fear,” I finally admitted through closed eyes. “I do not fear Cole. I do not fear his acceptance or rejection. Cole is Cole, peace and compassion are all he will ever be. But,” I opened my eyes then and looked at the strong arms holding me. “Others judge, others will accuse and assume.” I shook my head lightly then and let the pain speak its own. “They cannot know what is actually being sung because they cannot understand me.” I sighed. “Some will say I cursed this place, some will say it was blessing. It won’t matter in the end, but the voice I couldn’t handle either from,” I closed my eyes again and sighed against that pain before I looked back up at him. “You.” He smiled sadly down at me. I looked away again and shook my head. “I could live with the displeasure of ants marching about beneath me. Their opinions don’t matter. The wolves of the Evanuris could claim what they will. Nothing but annoyances at best.”

He lifted me to him then and kissed me. It surprised me at first, but he was never one to waste breath on words where there was no need. I felt his kiss, felt him echo through me. My doubts were wrapped tightly within his will, eased in a warmth I would never fully understand. He didn’t push, didn’t try to make it more, not a passionate kiss. It was a statement through my will, through to the dragon; no need to fear, no need to hide from my wolf.

The thoughts echoed back over my will as I felt the stirring, the waking and response. I leaned up into his kiss on my own after a few moments, pulling my arms tighter about him. He was my comfort, my shield as much as I was his.

He broke the kiss after a few more moments and nuzzled his head by my ear, the breath setting off my body in response. “I did not mean to upset you with mentioning it, Vhenan.” He kissed the side of my head against the cords and I felt his love echo back across my will as he sat back to look down at me. His eyes vibrated that same love, but tinged with a hurt. “I merely wanted to ask you to sing for me, that’s all.”

“I,” I began. I sighed. “I do not know this body as well. I,” I tried again. He chuckled and I found myself lost in that brilliant blue gaze.

“Still think I’d judge more harshly?” he asked.

I sighed and looked up at him. “A broken voice, or an untrained one is what it is, ma lath.”

“You call me that, then understand that I would be no more judging than you in reverse.” I froze then.

That had never occurred to me. If I had asked him, if it were he resisting to it so…I sighed and looked up at him sadly, the apology lining my tongue, but he’d hear none of it.

“_You are mine, Athena, my choice, my mate. None will touch you but me._” It occurred to me only then that the reason I understood those words clearer than any other was because he wasn’t speaking common, or elven but specifically the Ancient Elven dialect he claimed I used. It was not something I had to think to translate or understand, but just clear, words breathed as powerfully as a hurricane with the effort of a light whisper. His will bound those words and my will echoed them back.

_My choice_. The thought registered off a brunt realization. He was my choice, my choice from years ago. I wanted no other to touch me and I’d declared it then, declared it when there was no way I knew of to ever have his touch. _My choice_. I smiled up at him.

“You have always been my choice, Solas. You’ve seen that already a few times.” He smiled down at me then. “My mate, I would allow no other to touch me even before, before I knew there was even a chance to walk the same ground you did, let alone have you care for _me_ at all.” The smile evaporated into a frown then. I reached up and took his face in my hands. “You misunderstand, ma lath.” I breathed in deep and felt it echo back. “I’ve always been yours,” I said as I smiled at him. I had never felt so happy as the realization shot through me like electric buzz. “I was yours before I could have you, and I will be yours long after. I am your mate and you mine. I would have no other nor suffer another to touch you.” His smile was slow forming then, but it was not what I wanted to do, just saying wasn’t it. I pulled my will and laced my voice box with it. “_You are mine, Solas, bound beyond this life or another. I am your mate, your sword and shield. I am yours and only._” I leaned up and kissed him but I was not ready for the response.

Solas pulled me up to him, laying me flat against him. For a moment I was a little worried he would forget we were still in the courtyard and not in his tent as he kissed me back with all his passion, all his past. I had sealed us, I had finished what he had started and sealed it with a will I had not realized was already matching his. His pull through the Veil around us bound about us in Fade-lightning for a moment before he got himself back under control and tucked me up against his shoulder. He was breathing heavily then and I realized then that the will had struck into his as much as his had sustained mine.

I let my hands drop over his chest and snuggled against him. I loved how little words were needed between us. Things that would complicate with others were just as simple as a gesture between us. He hadn’t tucked me up against him because he was done kissing me. He did it to avoid doing more where we were. His breathing, as he slowly leveled out, was still rough, but he was getting it under control. I paused thinking as he got himself contained. “If,” I started and thrashed slightly against the desire to back out, “If you really want me to, I will sing for you. I can’t promise you’ll like it, but,” I added and he chuckled.

He straightened slightly to look down at me, his passion still clouding his eyes. “I will have you sing, Vhenan,” he stated before shifting to turn and taking my hand to walk me properly up towards the main chamber, arm in arm. He shifted to Elven as we mounted those steps, “Though the song you will sing tonight will have nothing to do with _that_ desire.” I shivered and swallowed as I felt myself warm in a dozen places.

We walked into the hall, my hand on his arm and Adaar met us. “Oh, hello,” he said looking down at me. I looked down at his hand and he grinned as I looked back up. “I was, uh, coming to give this back to you,” he said making himself face Solas as he extended the wrapped pack.

“Thank you, Herald,” Solas replied.

“I uh, also wanted to thank you,” he added. Solas raised his eye brow again. “For, um, for helping the Seeker, after the, yeah, I mean,” he sighed. “I want to thank you for helping to look after her and heal her and all.”

“I am always pleased to help,” Solas replied kindly. Adaar nodded.

“Well um, good. Will, uh, we be seeing the two of you for supper?” he asked.

Before I could open my mouth, Solas replied, “No.” I looked up at him. “We have things we need to discuss and I do not foresee them being concluded in time for the evening meal.” Adaar nodded again.

“Ah. Okay, well, good luck and again, thank you.” Solas nodded and led me away towards the door past the second fire place.

“Things to discuss?” I asked keeping my eyes facing forward as we passed others, realizing almost all eyes were on the dragon. I wished so for a wind in the hall to lash the tiny tail to.

“Several,” he responded. Like me he kept his eyes forward, but this was a dance he knew well.

_Dance?_ I sighed and as we entered the door to the open area of the rotunda, I hazarded a glance up at him. He smiled at the walls before turning to face the doorway down to the room. “Solas?”

“Vhenan?”

“Do you,” I choked on it and felt like a complete idiot for even thinking to ask. I sighed and began the descent as I broke my arm free and began loosening the cloak. “Never mind.” I tugged at the ties for a moment before realizing this would be easier if I’d stuck to my usual of take the gloves off first. I pulled the hand back out and bit the tip of one of the gloved fingers, pulling my hand loose. No sooner was it loose than it was engulfed in his as he turned me into the wall. The stair hallway was thin enough that it barely allowed for a person to comfortably descend in single file, so having him turn me and step next to me, literally put my back to the wall.

“Something you obviously don’t yet realize about me, vhenan,” he stated smiling down at me as he leaned closer. “I don’t accept ‘never mind’ as the end to a conversation,” he leaned the rest of the way down only to pause millimeters from kissing me. I ached for it so badly that I ended up dumbly looking up at him a moment when he stopped. “Do I what?” he asked. He knew he had my full attention then and it hit me then that that was why he’d done it.

I set my canines to match in my mouth and glared up at him.

“No?” he asked and raised his other hand to trace a line between our lips. I felt my heart beat faster, but I would not give him the benefit. I resisted then, pulling on my will to contain my breathing as if nothing mattered, as if the finger on my mouth hadn’t moistened my panties and tightened nearly every muscle in my body.

“It was merely an embarrassing question so I dropped it,” I replied, forcing myself not to stick out my tongue and pull his finger into my mouth. I’ve always had an oral fixation; hell even when I was drawing, I usually had one pencil in my mouth and the other in my hand. His finger tracing my lips was nearly as intoxicating as his kisses.

“If it were unimportant, you would not have thought to voice it to begin with,” he stated staring down at me and I watched his will flicker around him. It was taking him just as much effort and that thought made me grin.

I said nothing and merely shrugged then. His will flickered again and his eyes lit. He was trying to get his answer and resisting the wolf was only causing him to lope faster. _I am no halla_, I thought as I grinned up at him. Silence held between us as will paired against will.

“Going to be stubborn about it?” he asked finally.

“Unless I completely miss my guess, my _wolf_,” I challenged and felt it flare through him, “you sought a contest of wills. Mine is proving stronger.” His eyes flared and he pulled me up by the throat.

“The difference, _dragon_,” he retorted as I damn near came from him choking me up against the wall, “is that mine is not failing and yours has one too many buttons to it for you to succeed.” He only held me there a moment before returning me to shaking legs. “An answer,” he stated. I tried to steady myself, tried to bring my will forward, until he added, “or we leave this here.” My gaze shot to his then.

_He wouldn’t. Oh gods, yes he would. That sneaky, sorry,_… I glared up at him then.

“Last chance, vhenan,” he said leaning down to me again, stopping a breath away. “An answer.”

I could just stick out my tongue and taste him and I wanted to. His hand still held my jaw just above my throat and I ached nearly unbearably. “Does it matter so much to you?” I asked then, not bothering to look up. I was watching his lips, willing him closer, begging him in my mind to finish what he’d started.

He nudged my jaw up and my gaze went with it. His eyes blazed brilliant blue but he was in complete control. I had misjudged. “Your questions will always matter to me, Vhenan. I won’t ask again.”

I blushed then, a completely separate feeling as I looked away. “I,” I swallowed and looked down at his chin, his neck, his arm. “I.” I sighed. “I wanted to know if you,” I choked on it and swallowed again, throwing my gaze everywhere and then ultimately squeezing my eyes shut tight, trying to ignore the warmth coming off his body and barreled forward. “I don’t-fuck it! I wanted to know if you could teach me to dance. There. I said it.” I glared down at his shoulder then, despite his urges to get me to look up at him. I could feel the blush out to my long ears. He chuckled as the words came out and that made it worse.

“Good behavior should always be rewarded, Vhenan,” he stated and slid the hand that had been between our lips, the hand that had held me to the wall over my shoulder. I felt my muscles within tighten and I forced myself to look up the hall instead. “Do you not agree?” he asked as he leaned in. I could feel the breath of the question tickle my neck before he kissed it.

I would not moan for this, no. Won’t give in.

The hand drifted further down slowly, drifting over the multiple layers of clothing, passed the cloak fold and back up, gripping into me.

I felt myself gasp, but I would not, would not let him win this one. As embarrassed as I felt, I would be damned if he took this victory with such ease.

He grinned into kissing my neck. I know he felt the resistance in my will when he leaned in with his. “No need for all that,” he stated nuzzling into my neck.

_So hard, not, to, moan. No. Will not_. I fought against my own breathing then as I gasped again at the light raking of his teeth down that sensitive tendon. _No. No no no no no no. Will not. Must not. Too embarrassed for this. Should leave him here. Let him figure it out._ I thought to move, but that never played out. My attempt found me pinned tighter up against the wall, his leg wedged between mine, the hand twined with mine stretched high above me as he gripped the side tighter, higher. He nipped at my neck then and I did moan against him. _Too much. No. Stop it._ I shook my head then and fought for focus as I felt the hand on my side release it, only to grab my other hand and transfer both wrists into his. I met his gaze then as he sat back to smile at me.

The predator when its cornered prey might grin like that. I’d played literally right into his hands. “Solas,” I groaned looking away a moment as I felt him continue to stare at me.

“Look at me, Vhenan,” he stated, though it came off very demanding. I rolled my eyes and looked up towards the door, until he raised his knee only slightly more and I nearly moaned then. So super sensitive, stupid horny and he’d used it. My eyes squeezed shut then. It was not the leg I wanted there. “Vhenan.” I threw and embarrassed glance at him and looked away. He chuckled again and lowered me to my feet, keeping his leg between mine, purposely making me slide down it. I gasped more than once in that process.

Hard, yes, hard was exactly what I wanted. Rough and hard and him. Fuck this wasn’t working. I groaned as my feet hit the ground and he pulled ever closer to me.

“Should I stop?” he asked inches from my ear. The sensation caused my breath to hiccup again. I could feel my breasts rubbing against the cloth of my bra and my arousal almost beat out the embarrassment, almost. I turned my head then, not just my gaze but ground the back of my head to the wall to turn to face the door.

He’d won, it was his victory to decide on, not mine. I felt my will seething against my arousal. Yes I wanted him, I wanted him so ridiculously badly it reached levels of insane; but that did not remove my embarrassment for having to admit ineptitude at something, something most people here knew. I knew this because I had read of every different culture and their history, child rearing, latent talents, which were most common to be mages and what not. I could not do what any ten year old shemlin could and it was embarrassing to admit and the fact that he’d made me admit it riled the dragon.

I felt him release my hand, bringing them back down between us. I could feel him staring at me. I could feel him place my hands to his lips, but still I kept my head turned, my gaze on the door.

He sighed then. “Too far.” The air around us shifted then. He felt it then, sure as I had; the embarrassment outweighed what he could ease. Finally he nuzzled down against my neck. I felt him press to me. There were no words between us, only his nuzzling into my neck as he pulled me from the wall to lay up against him. My only attempt to pull away was met with him nuzzling under my chin, pulling me in against him. His greater height made the whole process much more awkward, though the apology could hardly be anything but felt as he shifted and nudged my chin up to snuggle in closer.

I sighed. “Solas,” I groaned. I felt him half-whine against me as he nudged my chin higher. _Oh, my wolf. What am I to do with you?_ I reached up and took his face in my hands and tried to sit him back, but he whined harder and snuggled closer. “Solas,” I started and leaned him back slightly as I looked down at him. He opened one eye to look up at me from my collar bone, green eyes echoing the regret.

I smiled sadly down at him and he nuzzled against my neck again before he looked up at me again. I smiled at him earnestly then. I hurt and I doubt it cleared my expression, but I loved him and this was near unbearable. I had no intention of watching him subject himself to this. “Solas.” I tried again to speak to him and he nuzzled down against my collar and threw a pouty gaze up at me. _My wolf. _I could hardly do more than stare down at him. _Solas, there is no need for this._ He snuggled down closer to my neck then and looked down. He nudged me once before he looked back up at me. _Yeah, it hurt so I looked away._ He whined into my skin then nuzzling into my neck. “Solas, I don’t do well with embarrassment, I never have,” I finally told him. “Every kid throughout Thedas knows how to dance.” He growled and nuzzled deeper. “I know that’s not why you’re upset but that was what originally upset me. It’s embarrassing to admit that I don’t know something any child out there in Skyhold does.” He hmph’ed and looked up at me, but he wouldn’t relinquish his hold, nor move his face away. “Solas.” He shook his head into my neck and looked up again. He was so cute about it, it was so hard not to grin down at him. He noticed and did it again, the mischievous glint hitting his eyes as he looked up at me and I smiled down at him. “I love you, Solas,” I said then and he leaned up and kissed me before nudging back under my neck to snuggle with me. “Solas.”

“No.” I sighed.

“Solas.”

“Uh-uh.” That was when I felt it shift. Solas didn’t ‘uh-uh’ anyone. I’d accepted his apology and he made it known he was serious. This had nothing to do with anything before.

“Solas.”

“Nope,” he said snuggling against my neck. I actually started laughing then and I felt him smile into my neck.

“What am I to do with you?” I finally asked as I hugged him. I swear that he half-purred against me then.

“Well if you’re asking, I have a list of things we could work down,” he finally said and I chuckled at him before I leaned back to smile at him.

“I’m sure you do,” I answered smiling up at him.

He smiled a moment and it evaporated after a moment. “Honestly though, Vhenan,” he began.

“Solas.”  
“No,” he stated, reaching back to pull my hands around in front of him. He kissed them both. “Let me speak,” he added. “I am sorry, Athena.” I looked up at him. I had already accepted his apology and I tried to relay that. “No. I’ll say it aloud, you deserve as much. I pushed too far,” he said, rubbing my hands gently with his thumbs. I tried to speak, but he shook his head. “I am sorry, Athena. You don’t need to respond, but you do need to know that I realize I stepped over the line. It won’t happen again, Vhenan.” I slid my hands back up to his face and smiled.

“I know that, Solas,” I said and he went to speak. “My turn, ma lath.” He smiled and clamped his jaw shut. “You don’t repeat mistakes, so I know it won’t happen again,” I began and he grinned then, “but I’d already heard your apology. I understand primal, ma lath, probably better even than common. It is a simplified language that is quite literally impossible to lie in.” He grinned wide then. “You don’t have,” I began but he slid his hand over my mouth then.

“No, Athena. I did,” he said and moved his hand to lay across the back of my right on his face. “I did have to, because you deserve to hear it.” I pulled him down to me then and kissed him soundly.

I had had enough of this conversation. Two-legs put way too much weight on accented breath. _My wolf. I have forgiven you, but you are mine and I will not see you hurt_. I kissed him then with my will behind it. _Meet me, ma lath_, I demanded and felt his hand drift down to lift me against him. His kiss was just as apologetic at first and I felt it shift as I demanded more of him. I felt him shift back into the primal animal whose mate demanded more than whining in response. He growled into me as he slammed us back into the wall. I didn’t resist as I felt the moan escape me.

He grinned into the kiss then and leaned up. His eyes blazed with the same need I felt in me. “We should probably take this to the room,” he suggested and I grinned.

“Afraid the Commander might walk by and see your naked ass?” I asked in jest, unfortunately it fell flat.

“Is he still bothering you?” he asked as the grin faded.

I smiled up at him. “No.” He raised a disbelieving eye brow. “I believe the spymaster had words with him about leaving me alone after my, arrangements to stay.” Fear registered across his face and I took his face in my hands. “I informed them that I was staying for you, not the Inquisition and that I would remain for now, but not indefinitely.”

His breathing had shifted. “You will let me know when,” he began but the words caught on his tongue. I leaned up and kissed him briefly.

“I did promise, ma lath,” I stated smiling up at him. He leaned down and kissed me then. A completely different kiss. His fear was still there, his need and it had only multiplied.

_Please no. I can’t, not without you. Please, My Heart_. I felt it echo through me and I froze as he buried his need in that kiss.

_Solas?_

_No. My Heart, I will find a way, find a way to protect you from this_.

_Solas!_ He froze and sat back to stare at me. I purposely clamped my mouth shut. _You can hear me?_ He stared down at me then as the realization dawned across his face. _It’s two-way, my love._

_Impossible_. I shook my head.

_Apparently not_.

“For my benefit,” he began.

“I said apparently not.” He froze.

_This shouldn’t be possible. It has not existed anywhere. Even the twins of the Evanuris weren’t bound that closely. Given, they claimed to be able to feel what the other felt, and I’ll test that later, but_, he paused and looked up at me.

“_We’ll_ test that later, yes,” I said.

_You heard it all?_ He thought purposely clearing his expression.

_As loudly as if you’d said it._ I sighed. _Too damned weird, only it’s not a dream._ I shivered then and he cuddled me to him.

_For which I am incredibly grateful_. I smiled and kissed his neck as he held me there. It hadn’t been with ulterior motive, I just wanted to kiss him for the thought. _Keep that up and this conversation is going straight down those stairs to the bed._

_Mm, promise?_ I thought as I nipped at his neck. I felt him growl as his hands lowered and lifted me. I wrapped my legs around his back.

_Deal with the bed later_, he growled as his lips found my ear and I released his neck into a gasp.

“Solas,” I whined at him.

_Hm, my symphony_. He grinned as he bit into my neck lightly and I felt my body heat ratchet up. _I did promise you that, My Heart_, he thought as he tongued that tender nerve. I mewled at him.

_You also promised the bed,_ I retorted as my hands dug into his armored back. He chuckled and leaned up to look down at me. His smile at me was as much love as lust and I couldn’t help but smile back.

“I suppose the wall does leave a bit to be desired.”

_You think?_ I chuckled then.

_Besides, _he thought and grinned at me, _there are a few things I’d like to do to you that the wall just won’t allow for._

“Mm, such as?” I asked and a dozen different images flashed through my mind then. _Most interesting, images register as well. I might have to play with this and see what limits there actually are._ He grinned at me.

_Later._ It wasn’t a demand but it bordered on one. I smiled up at him.

“I believe we still have a few minutes of walking ahead of us,” I began. He grinned and this time too obviously purposely sent me an image of him bending me over the bed below. How did I know it was on purpose? Too many finite details perfectly shining out of it, like his cock burying hilt deep in me, his hands holding my hips to him as my hands clawed at the furs. “I like that one, but you’ll have to earn it,” I said and grinned at him.

_And how would the Lady Oracle have me do that?_ I glared at him a moment and he grinned. _No? How about Kitten?_

_Uh-huh. Whatever you say, _Chuckles_, _I shot back. He grinned wide enough to reveal his teeth. I slid forward then and kissed him, sliding my tongue passed his lips. I wanted to kiss him, wanted to taste him then and the urge won. He kissed me back before he grasped the back of my head and nudged my jaw aside to get to my neck.

_This is not going to help our descent_.

I could feel his body press closer to mine and I had a hard time caring about which ‘descent’ he was referring to. He grinned into biting at my neck a moment before he sat back. I whined up at him and he grinned at me.

“I did promise,” he stated. I pouted once more as he eased my legs back to the ground. He smiled as he let his hand trail back up my sides. I was regretful and grateful at the same time for all the layers, as a part of me realized that had it not been for that, he might not have broken that off as he had. I whined at him once and he grinned, gripping my chin and smiling down at me. “I promised.” I huffed and started the walk. I got about three steps before I got another image bent backwards over his desk below, with him ‘enjoying breakfast’ as he dubbed it to me. I blushed hard.

“This, thing,” I began as I tried to continue walking regardless of the tightness between my thighs, “could prove troublesome.”

“I’m enjoying it,” he stated.

_Really?_ I threw him an image then, him tied to his chair and me just out of reach, undressing for him. I felt him exhale hard then. _Two can play this game, my love_. He chuckled.

_If images work,_ he began, _perhaps_… he stilled his mind then and focused instead of an image a feeling and I gasped as I felt his hand trail my spine. I looked back at him, his hands at his sides. He raised an eyebrow.

_Innocent my ass_, I thought briefly and he chuckled then.

“I do not feign innocence, Vhenan. It would be a waste of time.” I smiled up at him.

_True enough._ He closed his eyes again and I know I felt his hand against my breasts, fuck the clothing that was technically in the way, it didn’t seem to matter. I gasped then and he opened his eyes to smile. _Really? You had to grab my breasts, just to see if you could?_ He grinned.

“Well not just,” he stated. I tried to glare at him but it fell short. “You said you wanted to experiment with it as we descended.”

I nodded off to him then and tried to completely clear my mind, no thoughts, no way to read them. I breathed deep and began walking again. He entertained himself for a few moments more before I could bring my will to bear. I touched the dragon skull once and heard him gasp behind me. I stopped to look at him as innocently as I could muster. He glared at me a moment before resituating himself. The armor was suddenly quite uncomfortable. _Something wrong, my love?_ He threw a quick image at me of him turning me over his knee and I laughed. _Did you mean to provoke a recurrence? _He huffed at me then.

“Keep moving, woman,” he ordered then. I chuckled and continued my stately pace down the stairs. He resisted throwing more feelings at me after that. He stuck to images of the different things he wanted to do, stretch out by the fire and just so he could watch me ride him in fire light, laid out across the bed, fucking me into the bed, a knee on either side of his hips on his chair, pinned up against the armoire. Multiple times I stopped to squeeze my thighs together against the pressure, only to have him literally behind me whispering in my ears to keep moving. His patience was rubbing him almost as much as my tightness was getting to me.

I saw the light of the fire blooming in the hallway. Before we saw the door way, I reached beneath the cloak to begin untying it again as I walked. I loosed the one side before we got to the door, but never got the other to release before the door was kicked shut behind me and I was spun to face him. Both his hands gripped my face as he buried his kiss in me, with thought promises to bury a few other things in me before long.

I moaned up into his mouth as my hands forgot the cloak and reached instead for him, lacing behind his head and around behind his neck to cling to the stupid shoulder pad. His hands descended quickly, lifting me against him. I grew a distaste for his armor rather quickly as I wrapped my legs around his waist, only to have the stupid side armor jab me slightly. He grinned then as he lifted me higher and stepped into the room. The distance did require he break the kiss though he left no time to think about it as he stepped to the side of the bed and laid me back on it.

He moved to kiss me and I lifted my chin. “Take it off,” I growled and he laughed. He sat up to smile down at me.

“You realize I could say the same.” I turned a glare on him then as my will came to bear.

_Remove the armor, or I will blast it out of my way_. He raised an eye brow, but as I moved to touch the skull he caught my wrist.

_Very well, My Heart. We’ll do this part your way_. I seethed a moment and he stood. I didn’t have the patience to lay there however, so after a moment I sat forward and began loosening straps and buckles and tearing the armor off. He chuckled as he pulled away the primary chest piece and watched. _Hungry much?_ I stopped only long enough to glare up at him a moment. He chuckled and let me finish. As the last of his armor went to join the rest of it, scattered somewhere around the room, he caught my wrists. I had reached to pull the belt next but I paused to look up at him. _Your turn._

_Momentarily_. He raised a brow and shook his head. I snorted then, “Fine,” I said pulling free and sitting back on my heels. I reached under the right side and undid the knot, shrugging out of the cloak as it fell back on the bed, only then realizing he’d fisted his hands at his side. He was not going to get involved with my undressing unless I stopped. I grinned. _Or teased too hard._ He raised an eye brow then to my thought and I moved on, unknotting the belt and lashing it out to join his armor. He watched as I pulled the tunic over my head and tossed it to the side, but I never claimed to be a nice little ‘vhenan’, and I slowed the process as I fidgeted with the shift. I felt his response and I pulled it slowly over my head only to feel his gaze raking over my body before the shift fell. The bra, one of my favorites was natural colored polyester/silk mix that seemed to catch the candle light. It also dipped low in front, joined by a mere two centimeter wide fabric between the underwire.

His gaze raked lower as I stilled myself to let him have his appraisal. The edges of my lace thong above the sides of the velvet trousers seemed to hitch his breath. I grinned as I leaned forward and watched his pants twitch as I reached for the top of the boots. His arousal still prevalent, his curiosity won as I unzipped the one boot.

“What is that?” he asked, his voice still kind of husky.

I looked up at him then with an expression that I know mirrored my thought. _You really want to talk about it now?_ He smiled and nodded to me and I returned to unzipping the other and tossing both aside before I slid my hands up my pant leg to loose each sock and toss them to join the boots. I scooted to the side of bed, away from him to stand and he raised an eye brow to me.

_And that’s supposed to do what?_ I grinned at him.

_Exactly what it did_. He chuckled though that turned groan as I turned my back to him on purpose and slid a thumb down either waist side. Leo had taken me to enough strip clubs, I already knew that any man wants to see your ass when you’re taking off your pants and I pulled on the memory I leaned forward slowly, dropping my pants only as fast as my leaning. I remembered to keep both legs straight. I could hear him growling from here and I smiled as I stepped out of one leg then the other. I had not anticipated him moving as quickly as he appeared behind me, one hand around my stomach, gripping my side, the other hand toying with my breasts as he pulled me back into him and his teeth against my ear.

“If you sought to drive me to a point of fucking you into that bed first, you succeeded,” he stated before nipping at my ear, forcing me to push back into him. I could feel him bulging in his trousers and Gods I wanted it, wanted him.

_Solas, please_, I moaned in my mind as I fought moaning aloud. _Please, too tight. _The hand that had hold of my side trailed down beneath the lace, sliding one long digit up between soaked folds. I gasped against him, squeezing him tight. He groaned into my neck as he released my ear. _Ah, yes_. I gasped again as he moved deftly within my tightness. _More. Please. More_. I could feel my head start thrashing side to side as he bit down into neck. I pressed back against him. I ached to have him inside me, impaling me, filling me up with his_, AH._ The second finger would have doubled me over save his hand still toying with my breasts holding me up to him. _Too much pleasure. Too much. Can’t, think, ah, please. Solas, please. Torture, too much. I can’t,_ I thought just before he slid the third in and I came on his hands. It hadn’t occurred to me in that mind state that he was actually listening to everything I thought.

He grinned into my neck. _A symphony in itself_. He continued moving, playing, toying with me. I got the brief image of him holding a violin as he thought, _Sing for me, My Heart. I want to hear you sing. A song for me, and no one else_. I’d come another three times before he reached back and pinched the bra open, sliding his hand back under it to cover the breast himself.

I gasped up into the motion which only caused him to slide his fingers out slightly. I ground back down against his hand as I pleaded against him. I couldn’t keep it quiet any more. He’d won that after the first time. I moaned and squirmed against him, begging, crying his name over and over between orgasms. He’d throw me high on his will and touches, to catch me again as I fell, only to build it back up again. My legs felt as though I were standing on clouds, sure to collapse, my throat hurt for the screaming, my stomach clenched so tight and still he played.

I lost count of the times I rode the waves and descended again before he relented enough to let me sit on the bed. He stepped back only long enough to remove his clothing then. I sat still, just trying to get my breathing back under control, before he stood naked before me, a hand coming down on either side of my ribs into the bed. _The choice is yours, My Heart; face down or as you are?_ I looked up at him. His primal need was in control and it showed. I leaned up to kiss him then and he pinned me to the bed, grasping one knee and pulling it over his shoulder as he lowered himself into me. I gasped at first to the feeling of full, of complete, but I screamed as he slid all the way in me. I stared up at him as he grinned. _There are a few positions that allow me to get a good bit deeper, My Heart_. I blinked once before he jerked back and slammed down into me and my head rolled back.

It was all I wanted. _Please. Again. AH. Yes. More_. I could hear him chuckle a moment before the hand that had been behind my raised knee dropped to grasp my breast and I squeezed him as he slammed into me again. I almost came off that one action. I was thrashing then, begging, reaching, scratching, screaming his name as he took his pleasure and I found mine around him, over and over.

I had no idea the difference in a man who hadn’t had a lover in years and one that only in the past month abstained. I didn’t realize the difference in endurance or stamina that would be required to match I lost this one. I felt him, felt his pleasure as he came in me, twice. I felt him lift the furs over us as he tucked me against him, with the briefest thought to clean up in the morning. I knocked out hard then, no dreams, no Fade.


	8. (Im)Possibilities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Choking down things you never believed possible is never easy, doubly so when you are still tracing the lines of what is. Athena and Solas both face down possibilities and impossibilities as it seems the world conspires to challenge them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story contains massive spoilers for the game. Please note, that if you are reading, I take no responsibility for ruining game plot you haven't gotten to yet.  
Also, I use multiple songs within the story. I do not claim ownership to these songs. All copyrights belong to the original authors. (I'm just a huge fan :P)

Chapter 8: (Im)Possibilities

I woke to a warm empty bed and save some discomfort, I might have thought I’d merely dreamed it all. I sat up and looked around. My clothing was gathered and folded near the end of the bed and the room was empty. I sighed and lay back down a moment. The bed smelled more like him now and that was at least a comfort.

I lounged there a few minutes before I tossed the furs aside and got dressed. I wandered upstairs but I didn’t bother to stop and eat. I wasn’t particularly hungry this morning and I found I wanted the winds, especially since the entire hall was buzzing with people talking in a dozen accents and three different languages. I growled to myself as I pulled the cloak a little closer and half-stomped out of the hall. It wasn’t very often that I found the doors of the hall closed but as I approached them, I willed them open and they obeyed. I hadn’t tried for that in a while so a part of me wondered if it would work but it didn’t even tax me. I heard the chatter behind me stop for a moment before I stepped through and willed them close behind me. I began my walk then, the same as always.

It took no time at all to see why they’d been closed. The storm had set in, snow flurries everywhere in fist sized drifts. I smiled at my own thoughts then. _Still prefer the freezing snow to idiots bending my ears, especially since they couldn’t understand anything I would tell them_. I sighed and continued my walk. I heard the door open once and voices shouted but I really didn’t care to hear, so I blocked it out.

_Dammit!_ Echoed through my mind and I froze. _I’m gone for an hour or so and,_ he paused. _Where are you_? He called. I smiled and sent him the image from the battlements, the snow falling hard enough I couldn’t even see the mountains around us. _And what, may I ask, are you doing out in a _blizzard_?_ He was irritated and I smiled only to send him another image of the grand hall and probably a hundred more people than was actually in there talking far louder than they probably were. There was a pause for a moment. _Come back inside, My Heart. You don’t have to stay in the Grand Hall but freezing yourself to death seems a poor choice in comparison._

“Tripping, tumbling, falling down blocks of ice; she cannot keep doing this.” Cole appeared beside me and I smiled at him. “He worries for you. He believes it is dangerous here for you.” I hugged Cole then.

“While it may be, I prefer this danger to that of the hall.”

“Then you’re not going back inside?” Cole asked. “She must. She shouldn’t be out there. A dragon could die wrapped in snow. Doesn’t she know her own physiology?” I grinned.

“I suppose that factor just hadn’t occurred to me.”  
_Then come back inside. You can hide down here with me, but you need to get out of that storm. Now_.

I riled at the tone. Now?

_Athena, _please_. Don’t fight me on this,_ he amended quickly. _Your body will not endure such a storm for long. Remember your arrival. Snow is pretty close to your nemesis._ I shivered then and looked down at my gloved hands. Even within the lining I could feel them stiffening.

_One song, then I’ll go in_, I thought briefly.

_You can sing for Cole and I,_ he replied promptly, then added, _down _here_. _I sighed and Cole reached for my hand.

“Could you really die from being out here?” he asked me.

“If Solas believes so, then quite probably,” I replied.

_My Heart, _please, he begged. I could feel him, feel the hurt radiating through him. I could suffer much, but not that, not his pain. I sighed and began my walk back.

“You mustn’t die,” Cole stated and suddenly we were both back in the room. “You shouldn’t be outside if you could die,” he said.

Solas was quick to approach then and pulled my fingers from the gloves. They were already red with cold. He pulled me over to the fire place and began warming my hands between his and the fire, trying to keep his expression clear, though his mind was moving a hundred kilometers a minute. _Bordering freezing to a point of needing healing magic for them. Foolishness. Foolish woman. How many times will you push your body to its brink? Is it somehow necessary to test everything’s limit. It’s like you get some perverse joy out of making me worry for you. Do you just not realize? Is it a lack of education or do you purposely strike out to see how much this poor body of yours can take? How much I can take?_ He paused then and stood, going to the water basin and filling it before bringing it over and heating it. His thoughts continued to plague us as he placed my frost bitten hands into the water. I hissed at the pain, and I watched him bite back tears. _I’m sorry, My Heart, but they must be warmed. It is the best way. Damn but how your pain echoes in my soul. Why do you keep doing this?_ He closed his eyes and sighed then, noticeably trying to still his rampant thoughts.

_Can I get a word in?_ He looked up at me then with sad eyes.

_If you use the word ‘die’, I’ll slap it out of your mouth_, he stated. It wasn’t even a threat, just a statement of fact.

I smiled sadly up at him. “I didn’t think about the fact that dragons and ice are antithesis. Once you mentioned it, it made sense.”

“And still you stayed,” he growled.

“Solas,” I began, but he’d have none of it.

“I don’t understand, Athena, how you can just go off and put yourself in the worse situations you can find. Does it somehow amuse you to-”

_Solas!_ I glared at him then as he paused. “I made a mistake,” I said spacing the words and snapped the Veil wall as he went to interrupted me again. He froze in place then. “There is nothing that irritates me faster than having someone talk over me, ma lath. If my words are that useless to you, say so,” I growled and he blinked at me, “and I won’t waste my breath, but _do not_ just talk over me. Are we clear on this?” He sat silent a moment and I left him to his thoughts, listening, but not speaking.

_Useless to me? No._ He sighed. _A fair enough request, even if it came at the end of a bit more fuss than I’d care for. I cannot deny that it would irritate me as well, especially when considered that way. I wasn’t trying to offend you like that, My Heart. But by all the Lights of the Fade, you continue to scare me, to endanger the only thing in this world I hold dear and for the stupidest possible reason. The gates could have been managed another way, the battle could have been handled with you in my lap, but the snow?! The snow is just beyond me_. I sighed and looked at him then.

“Would you like an explanation for that one?” He looked at me curiously then. “I prefer snow to yammering fools, yes, but I’ve always loved the snow, playing in it with a reckless abandon I don’t imagine I’ll get again, ever.” He looked down at me sadly then. “I am made into something that would remove from me that joy. It is what it is,” I added as he went to speak. “There is no need to discuss it, but I will be certain you understand my one biggest rule.”  
I paused and he waited. “You mean interrupting?” I nodded. “I can abide, but please, Vhenan,” he said taking my face in his hands as he bore his pain down through his will, “please stop this dangerous nonsense.” I closed my eyes a moment and then looked up at him.

“That’s not a promise I can make, Solas, you know that.” I said sadly then, “I will fight and no fighter ever has been able to guarantee the results of the fight.”

Solas sighed. “At least talk to me first.”

He had paused so I spoke, “You weren’t here.” He raised an eyebrow.

_And that means what, My Heart?_ I paused then and took in the facts.

_Anywhere in Skyhold, you could hear me?_ He smiled sadly then. I sighed. _So I could have told you earlier and this whole pile could have been avoided?_

“It is likely, though it is also hard to tell,” he stated and lifted my one hand from the water to begin rubbing it again. _You are stubborn_, he thought briefly as he rubbed the other hand.

“Sing?” Cole asked with that child begging for sweets tone. I’d forgotten he was sitting there. I smiled up at him.

“I think it would do all of us some good,” Solas stated as he took the gloves over to his armoire. Watching him walk away started the song in my head and I let myself go to it, closing my eyes and pretending for a moment that I was singing only with Cole here.

“‘Desperate for changing. Starving for truth. I’m closer to where I started. I’m chasing after you. I’m falling even more in love with you, Letting go of all I’ve held on to’.” The words just came then and I sang through that song and a dozen others without bothering to open my eyes and face the world again. The additional instruments of the songs played so easily in the quiet background of my mind, I lost myself to that playlist. The warmth of the fire seeped into me, into the skull and I felt my dragon relax as I sang, which just made the singing easier as I shifted from singing even for Cole then to my dragon, to me.

As I finish with The Reason by Hoobastank, I felt a hand under my chin and looked up. Solas was looking down at me puzzled. “Do all your songs have such a sad undertone?” he asked then. I smiled up at him.

“I know a good many songs; some my vocal ranges just won’t fit. There are just some that I have always felt easier, so,” I shrugged, “they sing easier.” It made sense in my head.

“A request then?” Solas started as he ran his hand behind my ear, presumably tucking hairs back. _No more tears, My Heart. You don’t need to feel those anymore._

“What request, ma lath?”

“Sing me something happier?” I grinned up at him and started trying to flip through songs in my head that I knew how to sing. Suddenly Cole decided to help and I lurched forward against the memory. He’d touched the memory of the movie it was from but watching that car accident shook through me.

_Leo._

“I’m sorry,” Cole said sadly. “I tugged the wrong string and broke it. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just thought the song after would be good.” I reached up to him and he took my hand as I righted, getting my misty eyes and breathing back under control.

“It’s alright, Cole. And you’re right, it is a better song,” I said as I pulled in breath and steadied myself, blocking back out the memories.

“Your,” Solas began, then paused. _So, her Leo was, killed?_

_ Yes, my love. Leo is gone. Like everyone else_. I sighed again. _Not true, don’t do that_, I scolded myself.

“Not alone,” Cole repeated. “Sing.”

I nodded and reached back to the memories of the song and pulled it forward then.

“‘I found myself today; Oh, I found myself and ran away. But, something pulled me back, Voice of reason I forgot I had.” I sang through it and Solas smiled sadly down at me.

“A song of hope, yes, but hardly happy, Vhenan.” I smiled.

“It’s happier,” I said on a grin. He shook his head then.

“I would ask but I’ve seen enough of your past to answer my own question,” he stated taking my head in his hand and laying his forehead to mine, snuggling down beside the dragon skull. “Too much loss, Vhenan.”

I smiled up at him. I couldn’t get the words passed my tongue though so I closed my eyes and tried to will him the words. _You can’t understand, my love. I have seen loss, but so have you. The past is littered with pain and the future with uncertainties._ He pressed his head down tighter to me then and I felt his empty ache. _All we ever have is now, Solas. And I’ve never been happier than in your arms. I’ve hurt, so have you, but this, if this is my reward then I bear my hurts as badges of honor._ I opened my eyes to meet his then. “You are worth it all,” I told him then and he smiled sadly down at me.

_Loyal beyond reason, indeed_, he thought.

“Who said that?” I asked with a grin.

“Wisdom.” I laughed then.

“I can’t really argue the point.” I sighed and the smile faded. _I will do everything to help him, even if it does cost my life ultimately._ Fingers bit into the sides of my head as my gaze returned to his to meet a vicious glare. “It may not be a pleasant thought, ma lath, but it is true. There is _nothing_,” I began and he dropped his angry kiss on me.

_No! I won’t have it, won’t allow it. You are mine!_ He buried his anger in that kiss, but I did not try to meet his anger. Like before, I opened my mind, my will to him and swallowed it down.

_I will accept his anger in this and his reasons for. I will accept the outcome, even if he won’t_. He broke the kiss and pulled me tight against his chest.

_Another way; there must be another way. I can’t lose you. How? I need-_

“The dinan’shiral,” I began.

_My Heart, please._

“Solas, it is a path you’ve chosen,” I stated.

“Yes, I chose,” he said as he yanked me back to glare down at me. “I chose that path, for _me_, not for you or anyone else.”

“I am _yours_; you said it yourself.” He closed his eyes then and I watched the pain play across his face. “Your choice, your _mate_. I will no more allow you to die than you would me.”

“I can separate that vow,” he stated angrily, trying to brace his will against the pain that thought pushed through him.

“No, you can’t.” His eyes came open then. I wasn’t saying it to argue and I know I got my inflection clear on that.

_What do you mean?_

_ It is not just your power into it._

_ You think that matters?_

I smiled at him. _Before, perhaps not._ I shook my head then. _Not now though._ He raised that eyebrow again and I smiled. _My wolf_. I reached up and touched his cheek then. _Dragons are not weak creatures, my love. We are not bound to the laws of shemlin nor Elvehn._ He looked shocked then. _My vow to yours bound it in a power you don’t have the ability to dissolve._

_Impossible._ I chuckled.

_You of any, my love, should know how truly foolish that word is._ He swallowed hard then.

_Do you mean to tell me that in the past three weeks you have exceeded my power, even though you nearly drained yours out?_

I smiled at him, leaned up to kiss him briefly before sitting back to answer. “Don’t take my word on it, wolf,” I said drawing his hand from my jaw and lifting it to the skull. “See for yourself.” I placed his hand on the skull and felt the pang through my bones like a massive tuning fork going off in the marrow, and then we were both there, knee deep in an ocean of will around us. I smiled out over the black-blue waters before I smiled up at him.

He reached down and touched the water then. I grimaced against the pain. “You cannot break water,” he whispered. I chuckled and felt out. She was here, I felt her tail slide by our ankles before her massive head emerged out in the depths, blowing plumes of mist over us.

I smiled at her and Solas straightened bolt upright.

“You cannot both exist at the same time,” he breathed and I laughed as did she.

“Another of those impossibilities, ma lath?” He looked at me in confusion a moment and I took his face in my hands as I smiled up at him. “For dragon, impossibilities are only the limits we place on ourselves. I don’t have them, Vhenan.” He dropped then and placed his hand through the water, realizing then that he was not standing on earth. His hand reached down passed his foot into deeper colder water. He stared up at me then. I shook my head and smiled sadly down at him. He had to see for himself. “Go on then wolf, search for the edges if you must. I will wait.” He rose slowly and looked down at me, a look of fear for a moment.

“There aren’t any, are there?” he finally asked.

“No.” I sighed and she blew water over us again before sinking back into the depths. I smiled at her briefly before returning my gaze to his. “I have told you that I have studied this world, Thedas, the Fade, the Veil extensively.” He nodded. “I know how to create within my ‘mage-mind’ anything, everything I could want. Save you,” I stated. “I know what I will need to do, and I know when.” I looked out over the ocean then. “Even with all this though, I cannot promise whether I survive or not.” I sighed. “The Orbs and Evanuris have had precious little written on them, still mostly secret to my world.” I let the sounds of the water lapping ease the fear a moment. “I do not know their power, but that won’t change my choice.” I looked back at him then and he was shaking his head looking out over the waters. I placed a hand to the side of his face and urged him to look at me, which he did. “The flat lines of your oceans have a beginning and end, Vhenan. I needed a power greater; I will need a power far greater than something that depletes so easily as an ocean.” I looked out then over the water and smiled. “We created this together, building will and power around each other to create an unending circle of ability, things that can never end because they have no real beginning, nothing traceable.” I smiled up at his face then, and despite his confusion he smiled faintly back down at me. “I will not suffer the same mistake twice.” I stated and he smiled earnestly then as he realized I was referring to the gates.

He paused and looked out a moment before looking back down at me and the fear returned. I smiled up at him.

“You have no reason to fear me, ma lath. I will never cause you harm, nor allow it to come to you willingly.” The waters rippled around us and he looked down then snapped his gaze back up to mine. “The dragon part of me agrees.”

He sighed. “You stretch the limits of everything I’ve ever known, Vhenan. Surely you can see how that terrifies me on its own.”

I chuckled and reached up to him, smiling into those grey-green eyes. “Change,” I paused, “is always frightening, my lath. But know that you will never have reason to fear me.” He leaned down to kiss me before the tail slithered by our ankles again and the head half-emerged. I laughed then. “I think it’s time we returned.” He smiled and we both fell back into our waking bodies.   
I blinked my eyes open to see him leaning down to kiss me. I indulged a moment before he sat back and placed his forehead to mine, half cuddling with the skull. In Elvish he said, “In three weeks you have surpassed the powers of the Evanuris, the powers ever known by them. How far will you grow?”

I chuckled and smiled up into his eyes then, the brilliant blue I’d spent years staring at. “As far as I must.” He leaned back and raised that eyebrow again. “I have no desire to die, Solas,” I stated then and watched his expression shift, “so I must continue to gather power, gather will and strength. I will not change my mind, I will not stray from my course to see yours to the end.” He sighed sadly then. “I would very much like to have you after, have you to myself then, not have to share you with eons of work and effort put into these next few years. I would like to have you forever,” I said looking out at the fire then. I sighed. “I merely accept that the possibility of that may be limited.” I heard him sigh then and I smiled sadly out to the fire. “I would like to know, to be able to tell you I know that my confrontation with Corephyeus to recover your Orb will not kill me. I’d like to know that when I stand toe to toe with Andruil that I won’t be looking death in the face, but I can’t promise that. I don’t know the exact working of your Orb, nor the power, true or not, of the Evanuris.” I sighed and closed my eyes then. “I cannot promise to you what I do not know, ma lath. No matter how much I may want to.”

He turned me to him. “Athena,” he began in a near whisper, but I shook my head and took his hands from my face and held them instead.

“I know you fear my death, Vhenan, I can feel it off of you in waves.” He sighed. “I do not wish you this pain, but I cannot promise that what you fear won’t happen.” I looked up at him sadly then. “I will not lie to you, Solas, not for any reason.” He leaned forward then and kissed me.

_Be quiet, Athena,_ he urged into the kiss. _You already have my heart. How much more do you plan to wrap in those lovey arms of yours before you’re done?_

I smiled and kissed him back. _I want what you want, my love. I want all of you_, and I shifted the kiss to the desire, the need to have him here with me, to have his hands on my body, his tongue in my mouth. I lifted my hips to grind against him and he groaned into the kiss.

He sat up after a moment and smiled down at me, that lusty smile I loved so. “I’d be a poor host indeed, to deny my lady her wishes.” He sealed our mouths together then and his hands found other places to be as he slid them passed my neck, over my breasts, down my sides; gripping, rubbing, squeezing in places to make me moan into his mouth as he purposely kept his leg between mine. I tried to squeeze my thighs together more than once only to feel his toned leg between mine, firm in muscle which only made me moan more as I ached for a different firmness much deeper.

A hard exaggerated cough stilled our movements. He broke the kiss, but did not move anything besides his head to glare at the door. Cassandra was glaring down at us. I smiled up at her. “The War Council would like to speak with the girl,” she stated. I chuckled then and he looked down at me.

“Should I tell them the truth, or what they want to hear?”

“There is a difference?”

I grinned up at him. “The truth of the matter is, I have no intention of releasing you before you’ve filled me; at least twice. They want to hear, ‘I will be right up’.” He grinned down at me then, forcing himself not to laugh.

“What, did she say?” Cassandra asked. He smiled back over to her.

“Are you _sure_ you want to ask that question?” he asked, his laughing eyes implying she really, really didn’t.

Cassandra coughed again uncomfortably. “Perhaps not. We’ll see you both, shortly, up here, soon,” she stumbled out and began her hastened retreat from the room.

I began laughing then and he glared down at me. “That wasn’t very nice, Vhenan.” I sat up then and purposely straddled him as he sat back on his heels, lacing my arms behind his neck.

“I never claimed to be a ‘nice, Vhenan’,” I said and sat up to kiss him, though I ended up gasping as he grasped my legs just below my ass and lifted us into the air. I laughed then as I looked up at him as he moved us over to the bed. “I forget sometimes how very powerful your lean arms are,” I admitted as he dropped us onto the furs.

He smiled down at me, before perusing my clothing briefly. “I don’t care for these trousers,” he stated. I chuckled.

“So take them off.” He grinned up at me and let his hands slowly circle around to the front of my thighs as he leaned down towards me.

“I,” he began before another voice from the hall halted his motion and his voice shifted to a growl as I watched the blue fire strike behind his eyes. I smiled up at him as Adaar took the last few steps and froze. Dorian behind him almost ran him over then. I looked over at them as I held Solas’ face to look at me, despite his efforts.

“If,” I began carefully spacing my words, “it is not urgent, leave.” The last word was nearly a growl and Solas chuckled.

“She said if what you came for isn’t urgent, you should leave, now.” He was smiling down at me then.

Adaar did a one-eighty and was taking the stairs three at a time then. Dorian grinned. “I’ll just, let the council know you’re going to be a while. See you tonight.” He laughed as he walked back up the stairs. Solas sat back for a moment and I looked up at him as my hands, which couldn’t reach his face from where I was drifted down to his waist. He was obviously listening for them.

After a few minutes of not even being able to hear his thoughts, I asked, “What is it, ma lath?” He only held up a single finger for a moment then nodded. His hand came up wreathed in blue flame and he threw it past the door and up the hall. I felt the barrier go up then. “Where did you just put that?” I asked as I grinned.

“The outer door to the stairs,” he stated as he leaned down. “No more distractions today,” he growled before kissing me with the pent up frustration. I would need to repair the clothing later, of that I was certain. The wolf had had his meat dangled in front of his jaws long enough. His hands gripped into my hips as fingers bit into my ass and I moaned up into his kiss. My hands behind his shoulders dug claw marks across his back as his actions only made me tighten harder. Dripping moisture, I pleaded with him to ease it and the kiss shifted down my throat. _No. All, you’ll give me all of you. I will have all of you. Moan for me, My Heart. You’re just egging the wolf on._ He growled into my neck and I whimpered up at him.

_Please, Solas. Too tight, too much._

_ Bring me your will, Athena; bring me my dragon_. He bit against the skin then and that little bit of pain echoed through me. It was a challenge. My jaws seem to loosen on their own then, as a growling hiss answered the challenge. He released my neck to nudge my chin up as I bit down at him. _Not part,_ he urged and kissed the hollow of my throat. _All_. I was shaking with the effort; to contain the dragon in this form was a challenge on its own. _Show me your will, My Heart. Come to me._

I curled, it was not meant to happen as it did but a dragon is bitch to none. I turned and twisted, throwing him over onto his back as I slid over him to growl down at him. His hand burst up to the back of my hair and I felt his growl beneath my chin as my head came back in that fisted grip.

“You are bitch to none. But you want it as bad as you resist it,” he said into my throat. I only then realized he’d used the motion of pulling my head back to sit up himself. _Some things are just too much fun with dragons_. I felt the growled hiss rise in my throat to that and he met it.

I had apparently proven my lack of knowledge when it came to dragon physiology but I was being made aware of parts of it now, as his teeth cased around my voice box and it caused my whole body to respond as if he’d held a vibrator to my clit, heating, tightening, heightening, aching in so many places. He didn’t close his jaws, but the presence of that pressure there sent ripples of ecstasy through my body. That wasn’t something I was used to. Choking had never been a ‘thing’ for me. Sure I liked the idea of him being kind of rough with me, but I had never imagined _that_ feeling.

I felt my will, my dragon, nearly purr against the sensations as I felt him bend me back into the bed, his legs still between mine. Again I had to remind myself that Solas did not do things in halves or almosts. The Dread Wolf was not known for his leniency. He knew his target and like any predator, he’d studied his prey first. His hand in my hair shifted to hold my head instead as his other traced bare touches across skin that seemed only to be enhanced in feeling. It was maddening. My breath came in gasps around that pressure in my throat and arms that were strong enough to move him reached almost weakly out to him, trying to hold to something, some measure of sanity. It was lust that registered in my mind first. The momentary fear followed.

Lust was a dangerous thing for a mage to feel, but I was corrected quickly. Lust was a dangerous thing for a mage to feel in the Fade, but this was not the Fade and the man before could dispel demons without a moment’s thought. His hand drifted down over aching thighs but he did not accept the invitation. He teased and tortured against my light whining and gasps until he felt my body shiver over the first orgasm.

He sat back with a grin, loosening his jaw with wide arches, glaring down at me in the challenge. The dragon understood too well and shivered a snarl at him as I fought my own orgasm for control over shaking muscles. His hand on the back of my head tilted me up to kiss him. Vicious would have been less devastating but he knew that. He kissed me lightly, barely brushing lips, once, twice before I gasped my frustrations. He smiled and eased it, sliding his tongue passed lips that parted openly for him. The tongue I’d had a hundred times now felt like so much more, so full and firm. I fought the urge to come again, but I wouldn’t be given the chance for that kind of resistance. The kiss was only a moment before he sat up and I whined up to him. He stroked the hand laced in my hair against my skull and he might as well have been petting a cat as my spine arched into it.

It was completely maddening how he was manipulating my body so easily, but I would have better chance to rip the Veil down myself that day then I would to resist his ability to move me to his will. He stopped after a moment and I tried to nuzzle into that hand as it came from behind my head. _My dragon_. I don’t think I have ever heard him as possessive as then and the hand snaked quickly to the front of my throat. Not choking, just pressure, right where his teeth had been. My eyes came open then and I watched the predator smile down at me as my body heated again. “It doesn’t have to be teeth, Vhenan,” he stated with that smile. I was fighting the shaking and he grinned as his left hand trailed fingernails up my stomach. I screamed soundlessly against the pleasure as he forced another orgasm from my body.

_Impossible._

_ I thought that word had no meaning, My Heart_, he thought grinning down at me. I went to snarl at him but the grip on my throat tightened only slightly and I whined back, releasing the forward motion I’d been in to lay back into the covers. He raised that one eyebrow before he chuckled. _Big differences between an elf making love to his mate and wolf with his dragon, My Heart._ I growled against the feeling of helplessness then and attempted to side blast him, as I felt the dragon’s tail lash at him.

Last mistake, as the wolf had been waiting for it. The fur snagged down the scales as he smiled. “Thank you for that,” he said grinning as the hand on my stomach drifted down and slid between my thighs. There was no chance to resist anything as my body came on its own from the touch, but the pinning of the dragon’s tail only tightened me further. The kiss he dropped on me then was possessive and declarative all at once. The battle of wills was finished and he’d won, as his long slender fingers claimed their reward and I whined moans up into that kiss.

_Solas. Solas, please. I’m too tight. Please._ He smiled into his kiss and I came again as he entered a second long finger.

_So you are_. It was an arrogant response. _We should ease that_, he added before adding a third and I could kiss him no more as I was screaming up at him, the hand on my throat keeping volume from reaching the air.

_Solas_, I heaved in breaths then. _How many-_

He chuckled as he sat back only slightly, not relinquishing the torture of either hand. “As many as you’ll give, Vhenan. I did say all,” he stated smiling down at me. He squeezed my throat only slightly and I came again on that hand as he timed flicking a thumb across my swollen clit at the same time. He seemed to be enjoying just making me respond as he sat grinning at me over each new orgasm. I pleaded up at him a dozen times before he leaned down by my ear, pulling his hand from my wetness to grip my thigh, pushing it aside. “Give me my victory,” he said before impaling me on his large cock. I moaned hard against him but he sat up and smiled down at me. Hilt deep was not enough, and he reached that wet hand between us and began playing with my clit as I came on him again and again.

_Vicious, evil, ass_. He chuckled against that thought only to draw back and ram into me once. I came so hard off the one motion, my body too heightened to feel anything else. _Please, Solas, please_. I ground my hips back against him as he tightened his grip on my throat for a second at the same moment and I came on him again.

“A dragon’s mating times are so very different then a wolf’s, Vhenan,” he mumbled around nipping at my ears. “I would hate to disappoint you.” The teasing statement was too much.

“Solas, please; please just come in me. Please. Solas.” He grinned and removed his hand from my throat and I gasped in real breath a moment before teeth replaced hand and he pounded into me. It would occur to me later that it was what he had been waiting for, what he wanted to hear first, but I didn’t care as my hands gripped into his back and he slammed into me again and again as his teeth cased my voice box and I came on him it seemed every third stroke. _Yes. Please, more. Solas, please. More_. I jerked my hips back against him a few times against the grating teeth and came harder. His hands reached back to pull my knee over his chest as he pinned me to bed with his thrusts deep in me. He reached places I didn’t know could be reached and I learned an important lesson about wolves; they don’t have to stop between, they can fill you again and then pound a few times and do it again. It felt so full, so wonderfully full as he poured his seed into me. I couldn’t specifically say when but on one of those intense orgasms I fell into darkness; lost to the pleasure and joy, I slipped into unconsciousness.

[[[Easing her legs down beside him as he curled them both up into the furs, he smiled at her. _And that is how you fuck a dragon, My Heart_. The thought might have been a trifle arrogant but at the moment he felt entitled to a degree of arrogance. She mumbled softly as he tucked her up against him and he felt his arrogance drift around them in its own protective blanket as he wrapped the furs around her. _Mine, beyond all right or reason._ He leaned down and kissed her swollen lips lightly. _Good night, my dragon._

As Cassandra returned to the War Council, face still brilliant red, Leliana threw a silent question at her and she shrugged. “It might be prudent to discuss everything tomorrow,” she stated after clearing her throat.

“This is rather imperative, Cassandra. Tomorrow may be too far off,” Cullen stated and Cassandra shifted lightly.

Thankfully, Adaar had not been far behind her and as he entered he announced that they _would _hold this meeting tomorrow and for everyone to please have a nice day as quickly and curtly as possible. Leliana’s confusion mounted a moment before Adaar added, “I believe we will find the young lady more,” he paused, “inclined, yes, inclined towards questioning tomorrow.” Adaar’s blush was nearly as vermillion as Cassandra’s and Leliana began laughing as it hit her.

“I don’t see the humor, Spymaster,” Cullen said curtly.

Between giggles, she said, “We can all discuss it tomorrow.” She giggled a few more seconds before attempting to regain her composure which resulted in a great grin. “Good day, all,” she greeted and began her walk out as the giggles over took her again.

Adaar fidgeted for a moment before he bowed and began his walk back to the door.

“Herald,” he froze. “Since you have a moment I thought there were a few things we could discuss,” Josephine began. “Not things needed for the whole War Council but may be beneficial to the Inquisition.”

Cullen sighed unhappily. “I’ll go set the guard schedules for tomorrow then.” With that he left.

Adaar turned to look back at the remaining two women and sighed. “Of course, we could take this to the main hall, unless it’s personal,” he suggested. It was no secret that he was uncomfortable alone with any woman, but Josephine and Cassandra both made him more fidgety than usual; for completely different reasons. Josephine was a known master of “the Game” and could tie a man up in his own words faster than Adaar could draw a blade and he would never admit aloud why Cassandra made him nervous.

She smiled at his discomfort and it got much worse. “I think I’ll go check on the Grey Warden,” she suggested.

“Oh,” Josephine started and Cassandra grimaced. Her back was to Josephine and she mouthed a ‘blast’ and Adaar had to suppress a grin. “If you are headed to the stables, please see that Master Dennett receives these new requests and this is for Mr. Blackwall,” Josephine stated imperiously as she handed over a stack of papers to Cassandra.

“Can’t you call a courier to do this?” she asked indignantly.

“But of course, My Lady Cassandra. If it is below you,” Josephine began and Cassandra scoffed angrily and stomped out. “Every time,” she told Adaar with a grin. “Now, to business.” He fidgeted again and she smiled. “I have a number of requests referring to your lineage as well as questions of life as a Tal-Vashoth. I was hoping you could answer some of them, so I can put rumors to rest, you understand.” He shifted his shoulders uncomfortably and nodded.

“What would you like to know?” he asked as politely as he could, knowing that she would draw enough other things from their discussion whether he wanted it or not.

“Seeker,” Blackwall greeted. “I hadn’t expected to see you for the rest of the day. That was the way the Commander made it sound at least. War Council concluded already?” She shook her head and held out the sealed parchment to him.

“Developments that made it impossible to hold today. We’ll handle it tomorrow, but Josephine insisted I deliver this to you and these are for Master Dennett. Do you know where he might be?”

“Wrapping the horses up in the stables.” She groaned. “Would you like me deliver those to him, Seeker?” he asked politely.

“That would be greatly appreciated, Warden. Thank you,” she said handing him the stack. He grinned.

“I just don’t understand your hatred for them. Their beautiful creatures.”

“Their dung monsters with hooves and tails,” she retorted and stomped off. He chuckled after her, setting Dennett’s papers down on the table beside him and looking down at the seal on the single parchment. He wet his lips before opening it. He’d been very careful not to let anyone see the flowers he left on Josephine’s desk, or the poor poetry he’d slipped into her papers for the day, or sealed case of tarts he’d gotten from the kitchen to have placed on her bed for her when she worked late that evening. She shouldn’t have, but of course she knew it was him. She was far more astute than most. He tucked the letter into his tunic and decided he would read it later; let him get his nerve up first for the letter he was certain would tell him to place his attentions elsewhere. He knew she was way out of his league, knew that he would never deserve something so lovely, but he wanted her to have nice things, even if he couldn’t. Maybe especially because he couldn’t.

He brought Dennett the papers and Dennett sneered up at him as he leafed through. “These are going to take some time,” he heard Dennett growling as he walked back to the hayloft. “The Inquisition needs a full stable yard, not just one horse master,” he growled and Blackwall smiled, knowing most of the growling was as only as vicious as a kitten snarling. “Oh,” Dennett finally said in conclusion.

“Something wrong?” Blackwall asked.

“No, it just seems that apparently Miss Montilyet already noted that. I’m to have a full staff by tomorrow.” He sighed. “Guess I’ll need to set up accommodation for them now,” he grumbled. Blackwall excused himself and smiled as he walked away. Dennett was just a man that wasn’t happy without something to complain about and it amused Blackwall.]]]


	9. Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things revealed to shock all, choices must be made. Choices made in anger are rarely wise and repercussions must be dealt with as Athena and Solas face down greater challenges. (Noting-angsty chapter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story contains massive spoilers for the game. Please note, that if you are reading, I take no responsibility for ruining game plot you haven't gotten to yet.  
Also, I use multiple songs within the story. I do not claim ownership to these songs. All copyrights belong to the original authors. (I'm just a huge fan :P)

Chapter 9: Choices

I woke sore in a dozen places but so blissfully happy as I looked up to the peacefully resting face of my lover, lashes gracing his high cheek bones. I wanted so to kiss him but I didn’t want to wake him, so I lay there smiling up at him, rememorizing everything, seeing things for the first time I’d never taking into account before and the game’s crap engine didn’t have the ability to portray. Like the little scar under his left cheek; without being so close it would be unlikely anyone would notice, it was only a few millimeters long and so very thin. The fine freckles that almost matched his skin over his cheeks and the tops of his ears. What I would give to run a finger over the length of those ears, but it would wait until after he woke and I smiled at my own thoughts then. I wanted to touch and taste him almost every moment, but I suppose that was to be expected. I knew I had him, here, in front of me, now; at least for now.

My thoughts turned darker then as I remembered those scenes, those times where other’s actions had hurt and wounded him so deeply. I would not tolerate that becoming an event in this time. _I’m sorry, my love. But I would gladly bury myself to keep you from kneeling on that tower, the pieces of your Orb in each hand; I would drive a blade into my own heart to keep you from having to watch her die again. I won’t let you come to harm_, I thought then as I nuzzled into his chest, _in any way. No matter the cost._

I felt him chuckle and I looked up as he grinned down at me. “Foolish, little dragon,” he said gently as he lifted his hand from my side to lay across my face. “You still don’t understand,” he whispered. “Losing you would destroy me, far more than having to readjust plans because my own foolishness broke something sacred to me.” I went to speak and he moved that hand over my mouth. “No, Vhenan. It’s not something we need to discuss now.” He sighed and stroked my hair back behind my ears. “They will want to see us today and I don’t imagine they’ll be in good spirits after our ignoring them yesterday.” I sighed then.

_Probably only too right. The Spymaster I imagine was quite vexed and the _Commander, even in my head I sneered the title and he chuckled, _will likely want to put in quite a few words about our absence. _

“Try to keep your temper in control, Aethien,” he said smiling down at me. I smiled up at him.

“I will try, but it is challenging.” I sighed and snuggled down against his chest. “I think that is half of why Leliana kept him away from me for the most part.”

“Why do you hate him so?” Solas asked on an amused tone.

I sighed again and snuggled closer. “Not everything is what it seems, ever,” I stated. He chuckled.

“What does that have to do with your hatred for him?”

I sighed again. “Once,” I began and swallowed. “When I started the series, I thought very highly of him. A young templar, in love with a mage he was sworn to protect both from themselves and others. I liked the ideas behind the Fereldan Circle that protected mages from the rage of the populace and allowed leniency to the mages that could prove to the First Enchanter Irving that they were safe. Irving and his Knight Commander Greagoir had created a symbiotic relationship, in which only extreme cases were made Tranquil.” I burrowed closer as the shivering over took me once. “I still don’t approve of the Rite, but I suppose in some cases it was just safer since no one was alive and available with the knowledge or skill to help them understand what was happening.” I shivered again and he pulled me in tight. “I even made myself forgive Cullen by the end of the first part of the Trilogy. He had been put through some of the worst experiences imaginable. I could understand resentment.” I felt the dragon growl as I continued. “_Kirkwall_ however, was a different animal entirely.” I felt the heat rising across my skin then.

“Calmly, Vhenan,” he urged and I breathed a few times to get myself back under control. After a few moments he asked, “What _did _he do in Kirkwall that set you off so?” I writhed a moment and he set me back to look down into my eyes. “It’s alright if you don’t want to say, Athena.” I smiled up at him then and laid a hand against his cheek.

“No,” I said finally and nodded as I breathed another steadying breath. “Better to get it out there.” I looked down at his chest then as I remembered those words and how I’d thrown the book across the room and dented my wall with it. I forced myself to breathe slowly then before I began. “When Katrin Hawke was in Kirkwall,” I paused. “How much of that history do you know?”

“Varric has regaled all with ‘the Tale of the Champion’ several times.” I nodded.

“A start. So, beside the fact that he embellished horribly,” I began and he chuckled down at me.

“I had imagined he had.”

“When Bethany Hawke was taken from Katrin and her mother, she was taken to the Circle.” He nodded and I forced my breathing back under control but the words came faster than I could filter them, faster than I could stop them. “It wasn’t like he was Knight Commander. He was just a Sergeant, but he watched, and did _Nothing_.” It came out in a hiss and the warm hands on my face were barely perceptible. “He knew, he knew what he was bringing Bethany to, _who_ he was bringing her to.” I growled out, “People don’t question Varric about it because they don’t _want_ to know, they don’t want to _imagine_ how that willful Bethany became so docile before Hawke saw her next, even though it was only a few months later. They don’t want to admit that they already know.”

Pressure on my head but I couldn’t even see him there. I’d screamed this argument to my walls a thousand times and it felt no different now. The cold sick hands wrenching arms and twisting skin in my memories as I read it. Now I recounted aloud; what Osino had done; what the Templars of Kirkwall had done to her, again and again, until her will broke. ‘A broken mage cannot cast as strong of spells’. Reason my ass. There was no reason, no justification for standing there and allowing it; for doing _nothing_.

“Athena!” I collapsed to the ground then beside the fire, heaving for breaths. I looked up, the walls around me bore giant claw marks across them that took no explanation.

_Again?_ I shivered then and he stepped to me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and holding me to him as I lost it. Fear, confusion, pain; my body ached from the contortions of shape change and I knew it was that as the skull on my forehead burned hot against my chill. I cried against him then. I’d lost control again. I shouldn’t be this vulnerable, shouldn’t let my guard down this easy.

_Hush, My Heart_, I heard echoed through our wills. _I understand now, hush._ He stroked my hair down my back as I felt my skin return to its chilly temperature. I was suddenly very grateful for the fire and the warm arms around me. I snuggled into him.

“Weeping, wounded, hurting for hurt done to the other as none had for me, crying into the dark.” Another warm hand landed on my shoulder as I heard him recount, “You’re not alone. Not anymore.” It eased, a cool balm on a burning, terrified, racing heart. It did not numb, just ease. “It will pass,” he said gently. “Just let it pass,” he urged and Solas held me a little tighter.

“It’s alright now, Vhenan,” he said as he held me there. I will never be able to explain the comfort of having my lover hold me as my best friend sent me comfort, compassion for the pain of more than twenty years prior, healing old wounds that I had thought were long sealed. The ache that had bled open for a moment, cleaned and closed properly as I cried it out and settled out. My chest ached for the pain, but a thought hit me then and I felt Cole smile as he answered.

“Exactly like that.”

_It hurts because it had been a festering wound I hadn’t even realized was there. Cleaned now, the skin can feel where it needs to match to heal and seal forever. Not peace, but not so hot anymore, not so…flaring._ Solas grinned as he kissed my head briefly.

“Vhenan.”

“Something wrong with the girl, Apostate?” Vivienne’s voice sent a shiver over my skin. I would swear it was like watching a snake kill. He chuckled at my thought.

“No, Enchanter. Just a nightmare,” he stated and stood, helping me to my feet as Cole had disappeared.

“Perhaps the two of you would care to dress. The War Council will be waiting for you.” Her announcement had him turn his head to her.

I placed a hand to his chest and he looked back down at me. “Adaar will have called all his companions forward for this one.”

“He doesn’t need to fear _me_, child,” Vivienne stated, assuming she had a clue what I was saying. I smiled over at her. “Adaar simply demanded you both attend. Do hurry on,” she stated before bowing briefly and beginning her ascent.

I chuckled as she rounded the corner. He looked down at me, but I was listening. “Tell her to move along or we might have to find a reason to remain undressed longer.” He chuckled.

“Enchanter, you may want to continue on. It would seem she’s predisposed to voyeurs.” The clack of heels became noticeable then as she ascended quickly. I grinned. He smiled down at me. “Would you have?” he asked. I smiled up at him.

“I still owe you for last night,” I stated. “I always pay my debts.” He chuckled and I sighed. “For now however, we will need to be swift. Adaar cannot hold this one on his own.” I closed my eyes then and pulled what I needed through the Veil, laying it in quadrants around us. He raised a brow at me as I opened my eyes. “Dress, we must hurry,” I stated. He released me with a quick kiss and moved then. I would need to be down played but respectable today and I knew it, so I’d pulled my loose, raylon, black trousers and a fine-silk, midnight blue shirt that was long enough to almost wear as a dress with a fresh set of panties. I slid into my clothing quickly and pulled on my boots.

As I stood to press into them, I looked up to see him still in only trousers. “Would it help if I left the room first?” I asked. He threw me a warning glare. “Then be about it,” I insisted quickly. He smirked and slid his shirt on. We were both ready before long and we ascended the stairs as we had entered the hall a few days prior, arm in arm. He would have it no other way. I was his and better they all understand that from go.

“So glad you could join us this morning,” Leliana greeted as we walked into the War Council hall. All eyes seemed to turn to us. The wolf was still trying to pretend to be a sheep, but I made no such efforts.

_I am dragon. Let them gawk. _“Good morning, Spymaster,” I greeted.

“She bids you good morning, spymaster. How may we help?” he asked pointedly.

“In a hurry,” Leliana asked with a knowing smile. I chuckled as I realized she knew why yesterday had been detained and she was amused.

“For my sake, not his. I need air,” I stated and looked around the room. “and this room leaves much desire for _fresh _air.” He coughed then and threw me a glance.

“She says that yes, _she _is in a hurry. She feels closed in here with everyone.”

_Clever, my love._

Leliana grinned.

“So this is the one that can change into a dragon like Flemeth did?” another voice asked and my gaze snapped to the new-comer. The blood smear over her nose marked her hard.

I executed a half bow to her. “Katrin.”

Solas smiled over to her. “She welcomes you, _Champion_ of Kirkwall.”

“You know who I am then?” I went to move, but Solas maintained his grip making it clear I would remain at his side so I merely inclined my head as I threw her a pitying gaze.

“My deepest condolences.”

“She says you have her deepest condolences.”

“For what?” Katrin asked. I felt the corner of my mouth quirk slightly. Always tried to play the tough girl. I swallowed and breathed a settling breath. Solas turned to look down at me and I patted his hand before I responded to Katrin.

“You have been through much, more than any should.” Solas didn’t look up until I smiled up at him. “I am alright, ma lath.” He sighed and turned to Katrin.

“She states you have been through much, and insists that it is more than any one soul should have to endure.” Katrin straightened then and nodded to me and I turned my attention forward, finding the Qunari easy.

“You have questions for me?” I asked Adaar and Solas relayed.

“Uh, yes, I,” he began and I held my right hand up to stop him.

“Adaar,” I stated looking straight into his eyes, “I have no desire to do you harm, so quit stumbling with me. What do you need?”

Solas tried hard to suppress his grin as he relayed. “She says she has no intention to harm you and for you to cease stumbling over your words. She wishes to know what you _need_.”

“We never really got to have that conversation but that can wait for later. How’s uh,” he said gesturing around him, “everything?” I chuckled as I grasped his question.

“You have done what you should do and you are where you should be. There will be more,” I stated.

“That’s comforting,” Solas grumbled but before anyone could ask he relayed what I’d said.

“What do you mean, more?” Adaar asked.

I sighed. “You’re trials and those of the Inquisition are far from over. Corephyeus will not soon forget the slight you dealt him, though it will take him time to recover his losses.”

Solas relayed and Adaar pressed. “How long do we have?” I shook my head then.

“We kind of need to know that?” Cullen half shouted. My heat rose slightly and Cole appeared at my side, taking my hand.

“Foolish, ignorant man to demand from a dragon what it conceals to protect them, especially since he knows all about concealing.”

“Hush, Cole,” Solas urged as his fingers moved slowly on my arm, stroking gently.

“Protect?” Vivienne asked. Leliana nodded then.

“I understand,” she stated and all eyes went to her then. “To know too much of our future could sway things that have to happen to protect or even save us.” I nodded to her then. “We would not be here in a much more secure and safe location had she not kept quiet about Corephyeus to begin with.” Leliana paused and wet her lips. “What can you tell us? What can we know for now?” I smiled at her. She was finally getting it.

That was easing and I turned to Katrin.

“Something to do with the Champion?” Leliana asked and Katrin shrugged.

“What?”

I smiled at her. “Stroud.”

Solas looked down at me confused. “What’s a stroud?” he asked and Katrin’s spine straightened immediately before she could try to play it off.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Katrin said as she shook her head.

I chuckled and said one word. “Fail.”

Solas quirked his eye brow. “Would you care to explain that, Vhenan?”

“It is one word, that means she did not succeed.”

“I know what fail means, Vhenan, but why say only that?” Leliana coughed and eyes returned to her.

“I believe you should tell us about this Stroud, Katrin, as apparently it is necessary.”

Katrin glared at me a moment and it almost seemed as though she wouldn’t speak until finally she burst out, “Was it necessary to bring up here?”

I inclined my head to her and she huffed.

“Stroud is a friend,” she stated. I placed my hand in front of me and moved my fingers in a circle implying to continue as she stopped. She sighed. “Stroud is a Grey Warden that was looking into something for me, but he’s hiding right now. Something is happening and he’s not safe in Weisaupt, so he asked me to hide him.” I nodded to her and returned to Leliana before nodded to her questions on her face.

“The Wardens are involved then?” she said suddenly.

“I don’t see how,” Blackwall rejected glaring at me. I smiled at him and raised my one finger on my right hand shaking it at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

I sighed and spoke then and Solas echoed me perfectly. “Something we _must_ discuss in private.”

“I have nothing to say to you in private,” he retorted quickly. I grinned.

“But I promise you, you don’t want me to say this _here_,” I stated.

Solas looked at me curiously then. “What are you talking about, Vhenan?” I looked up at him once with a clear, ‘tell them’ and he sighed and recounted my words.

“Now I’m curious,” Cassandra stated. I looked at her and shook my head.

“All have secrets, Lady Cassandra. They should not be aired publicly.”

“She says that everyone has secrets and again addresses you by title,” Cassandra rolled her eyes. “She also says they should not be made public.”

“Go ahead then,” Black wall said stoically. “What secret, could you have of me?”

I sighed and looked sadly out at him. “Very well. Let’s begin, Thom,” I stated looking at him.

“Vhenan, I believe you may have names mistaken,” Solas said looking down at me. I didn’t look up though. My eyes were locked to the now terrified gaze of the would-be Grey Warden.

“I do not. That is Thom Ranier, Master of the Mêlée and Grand Tourney of Markham, the man wanted in three countries for the murdering of House Callier.” Solas’ eyes went wide then and he looked away from everyone, even me. I could feel his pulse in his arm as his heart quickened. _Gently, my love. He asked for this._ Solas sighed and breathed a few steadying breaths. All eyes were on us then as I looked out at Thom.

Solas righted himself after a moment and swallowed before speaking. “She,” he paused and swallowed again, he couldn’t look at Blackwall for this, “she said, very well. And Let it begin, Thom.” He swallowed again and looked down at the war table. “I,” he heaved a breath. “I thought she was mistaken, had to be. But she is certain,” he swallowed and breathed another steadying breath before meeting the would-be Warden’s eyes. “She says he is Thom Ranier.” Gasps came from Leliana and Josephine then as Ranier started shaking his head, willing Solas silence. “She says he Master of the Grand Tournament of Markham,” he paused, “and the murderer of House Callier.” Silence fell heavy then.

A hand to her mouth Josephine stepped away, but Leliana spun him to meet an angry gaze. “Where are they?” she demanded. His dumbfounded look was all the response he could give before she followed it with, “Callier’s children, where are they?”

“Leliana,” I called softly to her. I imagine it was only my voice that drew her attention back over to me. I shook my head slowly and looked at her sadly. “None survived.” The breath went out of Solas then, noticeably in front of everyone, his eyes wide as he stared at Thom. His body had pulled inward on that gasp for air that wouldn’t come and he was sucking it down in quick gasps then.

He didn’t break gaze with Thom as he asked. “Vhenan,” he wet his lips and pressed on, “please tell me there is a _chance_ you are mistaken.” I looked up at him and slid my loose hand around the other side of his face. His gaze was near haunting as he looked down at me.

“There is no mistake, ma lath.” Solas squeezed his eyes shut.

“What did she say?” Leliana demanded. After a moment of silence she repeated, “Solas, what did she say? Does _she _know where they are?” I looked at her sadly and she shook her head as the realization began to dawn on her. She fought it until Solas was able to voice it.

Solas heaved a breath in and spoke, without opening his eyes, without daring to look at Thom again. “She.” It came out in a whisper and he cleared his throat to try again. “She, she said that,” he sighed and looked down at me sadly, begging for another answer, a different result. I shook my head as I looked up at him. “None survived,” he finished and closed his eyes again. I pulled him down to my shoulder as the truth tore at him; as he faced that he’d been traveling with a man, trusted a man that would commit sins beyond sins. He needed to stay away from Blackwall right now, he needed to be somewhere else, but I held him until his anger ebbed. The others might have thought he was crying but he wasn’t shaking with tears.

“Impossible,” Leliana finally stated in shock as even she stepped back from Ranier. “No monster could,” she heaved a breath looking around anywhere, “the eldest was only nine!” Thom winced then and there could be no doubt for anyone else in that room.

“Arrest him,” Cassandra shouted and I barriered the door immediately, one hand purpose remained raised as the barrier shimmered, the other holding my lover to my shoulder. I shook my head. “He murdered an entire family!” she shouted at me. I nodded. “And you would just let that go?!” I shook my head and looked over at Cole who nodded.

Cole reflected my voice then. “I knew, and I did not tell you then, in Haven. I knew, and I did not tell you when we came here. I would not have told you now had he not willed it so.” Cassandra stepped back from me. “I know what he can become, but you will require more. You require an Inquisitor, a leader for you army, to judge and direct where it will go. That person, will judge Thom Ranier for his deeds, both before and within the Inquisition. That person will decide what should be done with a man who tried ‘to be better than he was’.” Cassandra gasped then. “All should be given the chance to have such a fair judgment. Do you not agree?” I let my gaze span all of them as Cole echoed my last statement. Leliana nodded and Josephine looked away. _I see. He was already courting her. That will likely be a casualty of his pride._ “Then look among you, find your leader, one all can rally behind. When you have them, come find me again. We will talk more then. For now,” I said before any could start, “we are safe here. Other things will happen. The Inquisition must get to Stroud before he is ‘disappeared’ again. He has vital information for you.”

“If it’s so friggin’ vital, why can’t you just tell us,” Sera asked. I smiled at her.

“Because it is not me, that needs to tell you. You will understand later.”

“That’s bloody helpful.” I couldn’t help but smile. Her irreverence was always amusing.

“Your questions?” I asked through Cole.

_Ranier!_ I held Solas tighter a moment as he attempted to rise. I kept his face down so none could see the shimmering of his eyes, though all saw his thrashing against my arm about him, all heard him growling elvish curses left and right.

“Quickly, if you please. My love has suffered quite the shock today and will need quiet to recover.” Solas thrashed against me again then, but my will was stronger and I held him there, safely.

“Bleeding, blasted, wasted husk of a shemlin hound. I’ll-“

“Hush, Cole,” I urged and Cole sat up right.

“He’s so angry. Hurting, haunted, wounded from bleedings done to another.”

“Shh. We’ll discuss it below, yeah?” I told Cole. Cole nodded sadly then.

“This realization seems to have affected us all,” Cassandra stated. After a moment’s silence she sighed, realizing rather loudly that she would have to be the voice today. “Perhaps we could impose on you to join us for an evening meal in the hall? Somewhere that can’t be barriered in?” I nodded to her.

“I find this to be appropriate. Hush, Vhenan,” Cole said from my thoughts as Solas tried again to thrash free. I suppressed his magic six times then as he moved to rip at Thom. The other’s watched and Vivienne’s eyes turned wide as saucers as Dorian’s smirk faded.

“Then we will see you this evening. It would seem we have a great deal of things to discuss here that should not require your presence.”

“Decide on your Inquisitor, and then decide on Ranier,” Cole stated as I thought it. Cassandra nodded to me then and I set my hands on either side of my lovers head as I held his gaze. He tried to look away to rip his gaze to Thom, to raise his will again. Finally he stopped and looked down at me broken.

“Come away, ma lath. There is no need for us to stay here,” I stated and leaned up to him. He kissed me briefly before hugging me to him.

In Elven he asked, “What other secrets do you hold, Vhenan?” I smiled and leaned back only enough to see his face.

_Below, my love._ He nodded then turned to the others. I grasped into his nape as he glared at Ranier then looked to Cassandra.

“Please excuse us.” His voice was husky with his suppressed emotions and Cassandra nodded.

“Take all the time you need, mage, eh, Solas,” she corrected. He graced her with a half-smile, then reached back, took my hand from his shoulder and laced his fingers between mine before we left. He paused and I willed the barrier gone, and then winced as the barrier blew the door apart. I looked over my shoulder with the grimaced face.

“Sorry.” Dorian burst out laughing then and the atmosphere in the room shifted as Vivienne joined him. It did not require translation. Even Cullen started laughing then as that was one hundred percent, a rookie mistake. Solas tightened his grip on my hand briefly and then I was trotting beside him. He needed to get away and I understood that. We made a b-line, straight outside; he didn’t want to descend. We reached the inner courtyard and he was fuming again. I placed a hand to his face as he paused. “Come hunting with me, ma lath. Tearing your jaws into something will help you,” I began but he snapped.

“What would you know of what will help _me_?” I said nothing, merely released him and stepped back. I watched it register across his face as I swallowed that; the truth: that no matter what, I still would never belong in this world. “Vhenan.”

“You’re right,” I whispered.

“No, Aethien, that was unfair of me. Forgive me,” he asked and reached for me but I stepped back, out of reach.

“Nothing to forgive when you merely speak truth, Solas,” I said looking away then, trying to deny even as I said it how bad those words hurt. “I don’t belong here. I never have.”

“Vhenan.”

“It was a nice dream,” I said smiling sadly up at the mountains.

“Don’t go.” Cole’s voice dug but it was truth, I didn’t belong here. I didn’t belong instructing others on their lives, least of all Ancient Elven Gods. “Don’t go,” Cole echoed, but the dragon thrashed louder.

_Why do wolves and dragons not mix?_ I shifted then, not by accident or anger, but in pain, horrible ripping pain.

“Athena!” His voice had called me back before but this time egged me on.

_Could not belong here_. The pain of that ripped deep into my soul, my will bubbling to meet that threat, I tore from my elven form into the dragon and was airborne. A few powerful beats of my wings and the speck of Skyhold lay far below. The icy blast of air as I rose seemed to coat the ache, not soothe truly but numb. I beat my wings again and screamed the dragon blast into the sky as I soared higher. The tearing in my body I felt as I rose seemed torn away then for a mere second. The blasts of air coupled with the feelings of wings more powerful than any part of my body had ever felt numbed it away. It was there, I could still feel the tear, the ripping rippling pain through my chest, but another beat of those powerful muscles and I was over the clouds, the masking of darkness above and the feint colors below cast hues through the clouds as the sun rose through the mountains. I flew on, had to fly farther.

The ache would not let up though, it continued as I beat further, higher, faster. My breathing became harder even as I pushed my body every higher, and for one moment, I blacked out. I woke to another dragon soaring with me on its back as she landed us in a clearing. I shook and slid from her back stepping back to thank her, but as the words began to form, her form began to change. As she stood before me, I lowered my head to the ground.

“Asha’bellanar.”

“You know who I am. How interesting. I’ve never seen you.” I willed myself to return to my elven form and she grinned. “Very interesting.”

“I am most honored to meet you, Great Mythal,” I said bowing again. She raised an eye brow. I didn’t stand but nodded. “I know you to be Mythal, Flemeth and Asha’bellanar. I know of your daughter, Morrigan and her blessed son. I know a few things, great Lady of the Skies, but I had not imagined to actually get to know you. Oh,” I paused a bit embarrassed, “and thank you.” The other eye brow joined its mate. “For my life. I didn’t realize I’d black out if I went so far up.” She laughed and I ventured a gaze up at her.

“Thought to just fly to the stars, did you?” I never got a chance to answer as the laughter stopped abruptly. “No, you were running. What could scare a dragon-girl?” I sighed and looked back to my own feet.

“Nothing I could ever outrun, not even with dragon wings.”

“Yet you tried.”

“I,” I paused. “I thought maybe if I flew high enough or far enough,” I paused again and the bladed gloved hand appeared in my vision as her fingers lifted my chin and those brilliant yellow eyes caught my gaze.

“What is it that could scare a dragon, girl?” she asked again. I smiled sadly.

“The ultimate loneliness.”

“There is no escape to that, dear girl. You might as well try to run from your shadow.”

I nodded.

_Athena!_

I closed my eyes against the sounds.

“Seems you have others looking for you.”

“I do not wish to be found,” I stated and moved to step back to assume my other form, but her grasp on my chin held tight.

“While that is arrangable, I would ask, why?” I met those piercing yellow eyes then and let the pain bleed out.

“That which searches is better off if I am never found.” She laughed.

“_He_ that searches for you is not easily dissuaded from his course.” I looked at her then in realization. “The Fade in total knows who you are, girl, you’re marked.” I felt within and touch the lines of him across my will. “Yes, he has your scent. He will find you.”

I sighed again. “Then I must back to the sky.”

“Will you fly forever?”

“He will give up eventually.”

“You _really_ think so?” I sighed.

“If he didn’t have other things that needed to be done first, things that need to be done on a certain time table, then perhaps not. But he knows that, just as well as I do. He can only spare so much time to hunt me.”

“Himself,” Flemeth responded on a laugh. I jolted at that. That thought had not occurred to me. He would send agents to find me, to bring me back…or end me. Flemeth laughed harder then. “You are a foolish thing, aren’t you?” I quirked an eyebrow at her. “You are marked, girl,” she explained as the laughter faded. “You are _his_, by all rights. He’d remove his own face before he’d see you come to harm and he’d destroy anyone who tried to harm you strictly out of principle.” I shivered then.

_Marked? As his?_ I started panicking then and she shook my chin. It was not the kindly Flemeth that stared down at me then, but the incarnation of Mythal.

“The Wolf will have what is his, child. There is no point in that fight.” I tried to think then, think of something. “No,” she said then. “You are marked by another. I cannot protect you.” I sighed then.

“Two choices truly remain then.” She smiled and shook her head.

“No, little fool. Three choices remain but you resist one as you feel he has no desire or need of you there, foolish as that is.” I squeezed my eyes shut then against the tears that threatened to fall at her statement. “It would be the hardest path, I don’t blame you for being resistant to that,” she stated and I hazarded a glance up at her. “The path of least resistance though would be the path you wanted to save for last; that makes no sense either. If you do not wish to strive against the odds, to fight at his side even against his temperaments, then why not take the easy way out to begin with.”

_Athena!_

I closed my eyes again. He was closer now, I could feel that. She was right. The hardest path, the one with the most hardships to it would be to return, to suffer his anger for this, to fight with everything I was to save his Orb and defeat the Evanuris. The easiest path, “I’m afraid,” I admitted.

“Of death?” she asked.

“Yes. I do not wish to die, but you are right. That would be the easiest and perhaps the only way to insure his secrets stay that way.”

“You do not run from the secrets, girl. Do not lie to yourself.” I nodded.

“No, you are right. That would be the only way for the wolf to never catch the dragon.” I shivered as the cold ran through me. I felt my will rebel as I reached for it then, lashing and frothing back at me. _It’s what should happen, it’s what should have already happened_, I told myself. The dragon lashed back against the idea.

_Athena. Athena, no!_ I could feel his panic then, I could feel him coming, faster.

“He’ll break himself if he keeps that up.”

Her words barely registered any more than her shifting forms and lifting off, leaving me in the clearing with my thoughts, my pain. _Should have died then._

_ Athena!_

_ Not my place. Shouldn’t be here._

_ Athena!_

_ Shouldn’t be here._ I pulled my will then, against the writhing, the dragon fighting back, I brought it forward and set my focus to it. She beat at my focus, a child tearing at hands that prepared symbols that should never be made. I knew them, I knew what they were, what they would do. If I were going to do this…

_Athena! Don’t!_

If I were going to die anyway…

_Please! Athena, no!_

…then let it be helping him. Let it be for him.

I brought that will full to bear and reached skyward, feeling the sky itself shift to my will, feeling my will tear at me as the sky twisted into something not quite tornado-like, moments before I was sideways, smashing and rolling through the dirt, the will evaporating into the air. As I stopped rolling, I went to look up only to find the great jaws of the largest wolf I’ve ever seen growling back at me.

_I told you that I’d slap it out of your mouth. What could possibly have inspired you to try that? To do it yourself? The Evanuris would have come down on you like a smith’s hammer!_ I didn’t attempt to move or respond and he snorted then. _That was it. That was what you were trying for?!_ He shifted then and I watched only for a moment before I looked away. “I’d have trouble looking at me too.”

“Why did you follow me?”

“Why?!” He scoffed. “Of all the ignorant questions I’ve ever been asked, that takes the top.” He reached down and grabbed me up on my feet. His gaze reached for mine, but I looked away.

“I don’t belong here, Solas. You sai-” the words ceased as the hand claim flat across my jaw. He was glaring down at me then, I didn’t need to look up to see it as my cheek reverberated the blow.

“Of all the foolish, _stupid_…dammit, woman. Do you have any idea what you were doing? What you could have done?” He was grasping, trying to find logic to fit it but when I looked up at him, his logic melted.

_Would you have stopped searching for me?_

“What?!”

“Would you have stopped searching for me?” I felt his temper raise and he fought the urge to slap me again for a whole different reason.

“Why would you even ask that?”

“You hunt. I know what would fight you, what might hurt you.”

“Dammit, Athena.”

“I know how to tear it down.”

“Athena, stop.”

“I would have, and I would have fought them.”

“Athena.”

“Maybe they would have killed me. So what?!” That shifted his face. “I don’t belong here.” I felt his strength build to raise his hand and I blocked it off and dodged to the side. “I don’t!” I shouted stepping away. “You can’t deny it! Everything about me is wrong! I don’t belong here! I should never have-” One hand came over my mouth as the other grabbed the back of my head before I could move. Silence fell between us for a moment as he stood holding me. There was no pain in that motion as he stood there, eyes closed, teeth gritted tight, gasping breaths past the pain echoing back to me across the Veil.

_Don’t say that, Athena_. It wasn’t a command, it wasn’t even harsh. It was the request of a man that his face mirrored, broken, terrified, looking at losing the only things that mattered, and they were sliding through his hands like so much water. “Sathan, ma vhenan,” he heaved through breaths. “Please don’t say that.”

_Solas, I don’t belong here._

“But here is where you most belong! You don’t belong in your world, which should have been obvious.” Again he reached for reason, but this pain was too deep for that. He reached but his hand could not get to the depths I sat in. “Athena,” he pleaded.

“Solas, I don’t belong here. I should have died in that pond, you should have let me die.”

[[[The words flashed through his mind then of his conversations with Leliana, the morning of the snow storm. _She only stays because of you, she made that abundantly clear._]]] He squeezed me to him then, snuggling his head into my hair. I tried to push away, tried to push him away, but he held me, sure as if I were the Orb he sought or the power he would need.

“Solas.”

“Hush, Vhenan,” he whispered as he held tighter. _It was my mistake, my flaring temper that nearly lost me everything sacred_. He nuzzled down against me as I felt his will come up to try to buffer mine and I fought him then, harder, much harder. The dragon would not allow her suffering to be mollified.

_No! Not your right! You let me go; _you_ pushed_ me _away._ _No!_

“Athena.”

“Why?!” I/She shouted against his chest as I writhed trying to break free. “Why should I? I have no place here? No place there?” I growled as he held me tighter. “I am nothing to them, nothing to _you_.” He snapped his arms in quickly, knocking the air from my lungs then, but otherwise froze.

_Nothing to me?!_ I felt his anger flare then.

_“What would you know of how to help _me?” I sneered in my head. _Nothing. I know only what I’ve read, only what I’ve learned, only that I love a man that would rather I just not _be-

“Athena!” his roar shook through me and I couldn’t find my breath for a moment. He reached up and grabbed both sides of my head and made me look at him, at the tears streaming down his face and it cracked, ripping deep in me. I forced my eyes closed.

_No. No. Not real, not true._

“If you’d meant nothing to me,” he began and shook me slightly until I met that mist-filled gaze again, “why would I have spent the last four days searching for you?” That shocked me back.

_Four days?_

“Yes. I’ve spent four days searching. Why would I do that if you meant nothing to me? If I would rather you not be?” His voice broke then and I grimaced hard. His pain was echoing back into me. I tried, tried to look away, to pull away, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t move.

_Solas. Please. Stop this._ That sad half-smile came up.

“You want _me_ to stop?”

“Let me go. I’m not worth-” his hand came over my mouth again then and he squeezed his eyes shut, heaving in breaths again.

“Do you truly think so little of me, Vhenan?” he finally asked after several minutes of silence. “That I would just give out my bond as if it were loose corn at festivals?”

_Solas. Please._

“Enough, Vhenan.” That was the commander, the leader of the Elven armies. He was pulling on everything, I felt it, felt him try to pull on anything to buffer him against that pain. He cracked again though and released the façade. “Ar lath, ma Vhenan. Ahnsul?” he pleaded down at me. “Why?” he repeated after a moment.

“Breaking, tearing, bending where bending should not be. Shouldn’t do this? He’s better off without me. They all are. Please. Please, my love, my Solas, please. Just let me go. You don’t need me.” I watched Solas squeeze his eyes shut then as his teeth set. “Better if I just died. Better if I weren’t here.” Cole’s hand took mine and let my gaze fall over to him. Not even blue-skies could clear the darkness now. “That’s not true,” he urged, desperately reaching for sunlight to shine down into the darkness. “Not true. It would be terrible for you to be gone, for you to die. I don’t want you to die and neither does he.” He shifted then. “Aching, tearing, ripping holes in parts of resolve long tightened; _please_, vhenan. Stop this. I cannot lose you, I cannot.”

“Silence, Cole.” He snapped. His eyes came open partly then and he looked into my eyes with a dread question behind his. “You truly believe it would be better if you died?”

“Can’t hurt him anymore, can’t be used against him. No chance anyone could ever be hurt by me again.”

“Shut up!” Cole startled back at the roar. “Do you truly believe that, that _etunash_?” His lips were trembling then, whether in rage or pain, I could not tell.

“Yes,” I answered up at him. _The other option._ “Lay waste what should be dead, Dread Wolf. You know how, you have the power. Here,” I said and pulled my dagger from the Fade. I went to hand it to him and Cole’s hand laid over mine.

“No.” Cole’s urging stilled my hand.

Solas squeezed his eyes shut as his lips curled back in a half-snarl a dozen times, trembling and twitching against his own pain. A long silence followed. “You really think, I would be better off,” he began then finally met my eyes, “without the only thing I’ve ever loved.”

_No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO!_ I dropped the dagger and both hands came up over my ears. Pain, ripping pain tore through my chest and down into my stomach and I felt myself double. _No! Lies! Echoing pain across the Fade, it is my love he feels, not his. Not me! Doesn’t love me! Can’t!_

_My foolish little Heart_, I heard as his arms came around me and I struggled to escape only to be pinned down to him. Somehow we were sitting on the ground now, his arms pinning mine to my sides as he held me there, his face to the side of my neck, stilling my trashing. _Do you really think I can’t tell the difference, between your love and mine?_

_No, no, no, no, no! Lies! Lies! Not me! Never me! Stupid, girl. Not me._ My will broke against his then and he was quick to wrap the dragon up as the waters thrashed about her. _Not me._ He buried eyes streaming tears into my shoulder as I felt him hold me closer.

“Athena, please.”

_ No. Not going back. Nothing, no one for me there, no reason._

_ Athena._

_ No._ Even within my voice was cracking, breaking as more will gave way. _Not, again. Please, Gods, not again._ My will cracked again and the dragon thrashed harder. I felt skin breaking as she bent and struggled against the waves. My lips cracked and my sides felt like I’d busted ribs again. _Can’t do this, shouldn’t do this. Should have died. Stupid girl._

_ Athena. Please, My Heart._

_ No. No, no, no. Lies! _I thrashed again only to find myself drawn flat into the Fade. Wisdom sat before me, smiling down at me. I sat up, realizing only then that I was laying down, heaving breathes in as I struggled against the pain. I managed to get up slowly and sat next to her though she still was far taller than I.

“He hasn’t lied to you yet, silly child.” She finally said as I calmed enough to hear anything over the thrashing waves and anger-pain radiating through my head. “Why would he now?” I went to answer and she shook her head. “A part of you knows better, the part that knows how much he _does_ love you, how your death would, quite literally, destroy him.” I shrank back from that, feeling the tears sting my eyes again. I didn’t want to hurt him. I never meant to hurt him. “You love him, sweet child. And while what he did hurt, it doesn’t merit all of this.” She was polite and kind and gentle about everything. I thrashed once and her hand touched my cheek. I stilled and she smiled down at me as if all answers could be found in that gaze. I stared up at her for a few moments. The darkened pain welling within faced starlight; not a sun that would melt it all away, but starlight, soft and distant and wiser than a fuming solar object. Slowly the darkness ceded to grey twilight and the ache died down slightly. I felt it ease for a moment and her smile turned grin. “_Wake up_”.

I came full back to my body, screaming against the shift, only to have warm hands grasp either side of my head and kiss, tear-smeared lips pressed tight to me. He pressed his forehead to mine then and kept shaking his head as he grimaced against his own pain.

_I thought I’d lost you for a moment. My Athena. My sweet Athena. Lights of the Fade but I thought I’d lost you._ His heart beat so hard I could feel it echoing in his hands on my face. His eyes were squeezed shut as he kept rocking with me. It was something I’d seen too many times not to recognize it happening. The desperate hope, the feeling that motion might help, that some kind of motion might change the outcomes. I’d done it, when I’d held Leo’s head on my lap, I’d done it when I held the stillborn colt. I knew the position in reverse, only his wish had come to him; I was back. _My sweet Athena. Forgive me._

I couldn’t take it anymore. My heart couldn’t handle anymore. I sat forward, hard, my arms going by his neck and I clung to him, despite it all, I clung to my anchor in this storm, my love, screaming, crying, begging him not to let me go, not to make it real, not to let this be real. I cried and clung tighter as at one point he tried to lean me back. I pulled tighter and he kissed into my hair. He was speaking but for a while I couldn’t hear him, not over the screaming in my mind, not over my sobbing and crying out to him, not over the echoing pain beating back at me. To the Void with all else, he was everything to me, he was all I had now. The pain of his words still echoed through my bones, but nothing could hurt as bad as his tears, nothing stung as deeply as the thought of life without him. _Please. I’d rather die than be without him. Please don’t let me go. SOLAS!_

[[[_Should have died. Stupid girl_, echoed back from her and his heart rent again in his chest.

_Athena_, he begged. _Please, My Heart._

She wouldn’t hear him though. _No. No, no, no. Lies! _She hissed through her mind, thrashing against him, then…nothing. She dropped as if her body no longer held a soul within. Panic hit him.

“Athena?” he asked, shaking her lightly.

No response, no blinking eye, or even breath.

“Athena!” He released his hold and turned her to him. “Athena!” He could no more still the tears then than he could have stopped the next sunrise.

There was nothing in the body before him, no will, no breath, no life. Chilling quickly against the cold, he tucked her to him and began rocking as the tears lined his face. Skin paling quickly as if suddenly she’d been ripped from the world. “Athena. Athena, please, Vhenan. Don’t go. Please don’t go.” He repeated it again and again until it was nearly a scream, begging the still form back.

And then she was there, her body warming in his arms, screaming as if she’d been torn apart to return. He reached down and grabbed her face, crushing it into his own in a kiss that blessed her return, he gave not a single care as to how. He kissed her quickly and pressed his forehead to hers, holding her, rocking with her. Nothing else mattered.

_I thought I’d lost you for a moment, _he admitted to himself._ My Athena. My sweet Athena. Lights of the Fade but I thought I’d lost you._ The tears, the pain in him welled up too high, too much. _My sweet Athena. Forgive me. I_-

Before the thought could finish her arms were behind his neck as she was tucked up against him, crying against him. “Solas! Please don’t let me go. Solas, please don’t let me go! Please don’t! Don’t let it be real! Don’t let this be real! I’d rather die than be without him! Please don’t let me go! Solas!”

“Atishan, Vhenan,” he eased and tried to set her back, but she clung tighter, screaming louder and he gave, holding her to him, pressing kisses to the side of her head. “I’m here, ma Vhenan.”

“Solas! Solas, please don’t go, don’t let me go!”

“Hush, Vhenan. I’m here. I won’t leave you. Hush.” He kissed into her hair again. She continued to cry, to scream to him not to let her go, not to leave her, not to let this horrible mess be real. He nuzzled into her hair and kept trying just to ease her, each moment ripping wounds deeper through his heart. “Please, ma lath. I’m here. I’m not going to leave you. Hush. Oh, Athena.”

_She can’t hear your words, Wolf. _Speak_ to her._ He would always know the sounds of Wisdom’s voice.]]]

“Solas!”

_Hush, My Heart. _His voice echoing through my mind silenced the dragon though I clung tighter.

“Solas.”

_I’m here. _Heaving sobs passed a tightened throat, the screaming stopped. _I won’t leave you._

I felt my head start thrashing and he curled down against me, securing my head between his and his shoulder even as the tears worsened in my mind. _Not without you. Please Gods, not without you._

_ Easy, my love._ _I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. And neither are you. Hush._

“Solas.”

“Shh,” he started and kissed into my hair again. “I’m here. Hush.” I cried against him then for a long while, just clinging and crying.

So much pain, so much horrible pain. _Solas._

_ I’m here, My Heart. Hush. I’m here._

At some point I must have cried myself to sleep as I don’t remember what came between lying in his arms there and waking near a river bed near sun down. His arm was wrapped around me as he cuddled closer to my back, mumbling in his sleep. I smiled and lay back against him. _My Solas. She’s right. I know you love me. It’d be easier to believe you didn’t but, it’d be a lie. My Solas._ I drifted back into sleep then and ‘wished’ myself into the Fade.

The Fade is mutable to the will, I know that, so as I felt myself ‘arrive’ I reached out for Solas. Then I was watching him and Wisdom have a conversation on the walls of Skyhold, then again as he set up for us to sleep here tonight.

“Tell the girl when she wakes that the debt is repaid,” Wisdom said.

“What debt?” Solas asked.

“When she and I met in the Fade previously, she saved me from a rather horrid fate. The debt is repaid.”

“What fate did she save _you_ from?” Solas asked almost disbelievingly.

“Summoning against my will.” Solas froze. “Yes, she knew of what would happen and warned me with enough time for me to take precautions.” Solas sighed then. “She didn’t truly do it for me, but I was grateful, so I returned the favor.”

“What fate did you save her from?” he asked raising an eye brow and Wisdom laughed.

“Love really does make fools of the wisest men,” she said on a laugh. He blushed and she pressed on. “A life where either of you attempts to live without the other at this point would be a void not many could endure. You need her, just as much as she needs you.”

Solas smiled then slowly it faded. “Will-”

“-she recover?” Wisdom finished. “Yes.” Solas sighed then as if releasing a breath he’d been holding for minutes. “It may take time and a good deal of patience, but yes, she will recover. Provided you don’t decide to scar her again first.” He grimaced.

“I certainly did myself no favors with that,” he admitted.

“To frost a pig’s nose, yes,” Wisdom stated and he flushed again. “When are you going to actually apologize to her for it?” He coughed and looked away. “That’s a brilliant start,” Wisdom said dripping sarcasm. “Don’t think she deserves it?”

“Of course she does,” he snapped back. “She,” he paused.

“You’d give her the world, but an apology is harder?” Wisdom asked with a knowing smile. He chuckled.

“Sounds a little silly when it is phrased that way.”

“Because it is more than ‘a little silly’.”

“Fair,” he said and smiled at his friend. He was being stubborn again and she smiled down at him. “I’ll handle it when we wake. Would you know where she is now?”

I willed myself beside him and took Wisdom’s hand in mine, looking up into the shifting grey eyes. “You are safe then?” I asked. I could feel my lover beside me but this was important and needed to be handled first.

She smiled at me. “I am. And thank you for my freedom and quite possibly my life.”

“We’re even.” She smiled. “Will you be safe in the future?” The smile turned grin.

“I’ve existed for ages beyond even elven recognition, child. I didn’t do that by taking unnecessary chances.” I smiled at her.

_He would be alright then._

“It reaches dawn where you are.”

“I’ll bring us back in a moment. Thank you, Wisdom.” She smiled and left.

Pain still echoed across my chest. I wasn’t sure I had the will to face him, not here.

“Athena.” Poison and air all at once, I swallowed hard and felt my throat knot.

_Didn’t deserve it, don’t deserve it. Hush. Turn. He’ll insist. Eyes down, keep your eyes on his chest and forget how to lift your head._ I shifted slowly then, following my own advice, eyes down. It still hurt so, echoing pain. _“What would you know of how to help _me?”

“Athena, look at me?” His voice sounded as though it were breaking as if…

I squeezed my eyes shut. _Nope. Didn’t see that. Not a tear. He wouldn’t cry, not here. No._

“Athena.” His warm hand cupped my cheek and I pressed into it, clinging to his hand as if by some magical effort he could heal the pain, ease the ache ripping through me. My will was a churning mess of waters and I seemed to be shifting through feelings mercurially.

_Solas! Solas, please, I_ and I was caught up in his arms that fast.

“Not here, ma vhenan. _Wake up_.”

I stirred awake, shifting as I felt the unshed tears in my eyes. _Don’t deserve it_. I felt his arm around me pull tighter as he nuzzled behind my ear.

_Hush, My Heart. None of that this morning. Hush_. He kissed into my hair and snuggled me back against him.

_Solas_.

“Hush, Vhenan,” he whispered and kissed the back of my ear. “I’m here. We’re not doing that again. Not ever.” His nose brushed the cord and it stung across my will. The dragon was writhing within the pool, churning waters high in the air around herself.

_Pain, too much pain. Shouldn’t be_-

“Hush, Athena,” he ordered and nuzzled against the back of my neck. _My sweet, wonderful Athena. In my one moment of rage at another, I ripped that beautiful heart out and beat you with it. Forgive me, My Love._ I could feel his tears drop on the back of my neck then.

“Solas.”

“Hush, ma Lath. It’s alright now.” _No it isn’t, you coward._ “You’re back in my arms, back where you belong.” He kissed into my hair again as I heard, _Except that you still don’t have it in you, do you? ‘You would give her the world’_. He sighed. “Athena, Vhenan, face me.” _You deserve it, you deserve to see my face for this one._

“Solas.” It came out on a cry as I doubled over the arm around me. I didn’t need him to do this, I didn’t want him to torture himself with it. _Solas, please_.

“Athena,” he began but I felt it change as I began thrashing more against the pain. “Ma lath. Beautiful, please, look at me,” he urged trying to turn me then, though I clung to that arm, even as he slid it between us to lift my face to look at him, to slide his thumbs by tears pouring down stiff cheeks. “Athena. Please don’t cry, ma Vhenan.” He leaned up and kissed my cheek over the tear path, nuzzling into my face after. _You deserve a man that would never hurt you like this. My Athena. Please don’t cry._

I pressed passed the hold then and snuggled down as tight as I could, arms locked behind his neck as my upper arm scraped the rocks under us. _Solas. Solas, please. Solas, don’t go._ I heard him draw in a breath hard as he held me there.

“No, ma lath, hush now. I’m not going anywhere. Sweet Athena, I’m not going anywhere, Vhenan.” He tucked me up against his shoulder as he nuzzled into my hair. “I’m here, ma lath. I’m not going anywhere.” _Fade Stars, what have I done? My Athena, my sweet, wonderful Athena. _“I’m so sorry, ma lath; so very sorry.” He kissed up into my hair again.

“Please,” I cried struggling to get closer, to ease any of it, any of the pains ripping through my body and my will. “Solas.” I felt his tears drop by my face and I thrashed harder then, the currents of pain were becoming overwhelming. “Solas!”

“I’m here, Vhenan. Hush. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here.” _Fade Stars, what _have_ I done? Athena, my precious Athena. Please don’t cry so, My Heart. Athena. I’m right here, my love. You don’t have to get closer, I’m right here._ He kissed into my head and held me there against the thrashing for a few minutes.

_Solas_. The dark waters were living waves, trying to smash me under and the dragon, me, struggling to breathe between. _Solas._ I thrashed and felt him hold me tighter. The water rose and crashed into me, bruising skin, breaking lips open. _Solas_! I cried out reaching then and he met me, stepped into my will and held the dragon. I bit at him once but he dodged it and merely held me.

“I deserve that one,” he said as he tucked the muzzle against him. “I’m here, ma lath. Deep breath, you have to control how high the waters rise.” I looked at him dumbly, it made no sense. Waters? What waters? “Your will, Vhenan,” he explained then as the dragon thrashed and the waves rose higher.

_Control?_ I reached out then to the dragon and her hand linked to mine and the wave burst into mists. She glared up at him.

_You don’t deserve the right to hold either of us. You hurt us._ His eyes closed tight and he looked down at the seething dragon.

“I accept your premise, but your conclusion is faulty.” She growled up at him. “I made the mistake, I accept that, and would beg forgiveness of my love. But you hurt, and I will hold you, whenever you hurt, Vhenan. My fault or not.”

“So you are saying you are going to do it again, you’re going to hurt me again?” the dragon’s tail lashed the water, drenching us all.

He passed a hand by his face to clear the water. “Not on purpose. If it ever happens again, and by all I’ve ever held sacred, I pray not, but if,” he paused, “it will not be on purpose.” He ran his fingers by the eye ridges and she tried to glare at him despite how much the feeling made her want to purr. She eased and slid down into the water after a while, slipping and shifting the water about her occasionally. He looked up at me then. “Ar lath, ma vhenan. I didn’t mean to hurt you then.”

I felt the tears welling, felt my body start ripping in pain again and the waters began churning. He cleared the distance and snuggled me up against him.

“I’m so sorry, Athena.” I slid back into my body then. I came conscious only seconds before him. “Athena.” I grabbed his face and pressed his mouth to mine.

_Solas. Solas, please, no more. I can’t take anymore. Please, my love_. I begged as I leaned into a kiss as desperate as the plea, my tears sliding down my face between our lips. His kissed me back, answering, guiding, willing me his protection, his love; wrapping wounded places with gentle pressure, cleaning deeper cuts with a tender tongue. _Solas._

_My Athena. Hush, love. I’m here. No more._ His kisses were gentle, tender, like his touch.

_Not without him, please gods, never without him._

He kissed deeper a moment. _Hush, My Heart. I’m not going anywhere. Never alone. Never again._

I was breathing between kisses then, my air seemed less important. _Solas?_

_Hush, Athena. No more._ My pain wrapping under his care was drifting into a warm background, but I wasn’t sure how to tell him or explain that.

_Solas_.

He slid his tongue in deeper then and places all over my body tightened up as the kiss shifted, from a need to heal to something so much more primal.

_ Solas_. My hands slid around him as he leaned deeper in then, lining our bodies. My right hand still cupped the side of his head, pulling him in deeper, stretching for more as the left linked the elbow behind his neck.

_My heart, my Athena, my love_. He broke the kiss to nuzzle against the side of my head, pulling me as tight to him as he could. _Please don’t ask me to stop._

I leaned up into his nuzzling. _More_. As desperately frightened, and alone as I’d felt, it echoed in that word; he was my shield, my blanket in the cold and I was shivering for the fear. I needed him, his protection, his warmth, his love; I needed the shield from the pain that threatened to overwhelm us both.

The word struck fire in him though, and he nudged my chin aside to kiss slowly down my neck. The sensation was like the touch of a small fire starting before me. His warm mouth traced patterns on my skin that drew heat from everywhere as his hands trailed over me, soft fire beneath a freezing husk. The dragon writhed once against it before he laid teeth over my voice box again and my back arched hard against him as I felt my body tremble to the sensation.

He was not the demanding lover of before. This was not a wolf taking what was his by right. He lifted his jaw and licked gently at me as he continued to kiss down my neck, over my collar bone. My left arm came loose and slid over his back as his continued to descend and his hands raked levels of warmth and passion through my body in a dozen places.

It was perfectly devastating, the slow patience of his kisses matched with the hungry heat of his hands, both applied expertly to a body fighting back an emotional pain that echoed behind us. But war was his mastery, understanding where to move what and when. This was a war, and he was ruthless and precise with every touch, every kiss. The emotions could only flare for moments before they were lashed under another wave of passion; the sadness held no sway on his battlefield and he claimed that, as he lavished my body with pleasure on aching pleasure.

_Solas_. Even in my mind, I was gasping, craving, aching. _Solas, please_. He lifted my breasts adeptly, and pulled a nipple into his mouth and my back arched high off the ground as I screamed for the pleasure. Unforgivingly, merciless in his approach, he layered desire on pleasure on desire as he trailed my breasts and ribs and stomach in kisses.

I hadn’t meant to dig claws into his skin, but my left hand flexed and latched to his back behind his shoulder. So tight, my stomach began to ache. _Solas, please._

Expertly, he slid his hand down over my stomach and pressed against my inner thigh. I moaned out then as the pressure there only seemed to double that of my insides.

_Solas, please. Too tight. Please_. I felt the rumbled chuckled then as he nuzzled his head into the soft skin above my aching core.

_My Athena, my aching love._ He kissed into that flesh then lowered himself out of reach of my hands and claws set to him gripped at my own stomach then as I writhed back and squirmed under him. His right hand lifted from my side to case my voice box, barely more than a gentle pressure but it accomplished his goal. He’d found that ecstasy button and kept his finger on that pulse as he let his kisses drop lower. I gripped into his arm then, clinging to him as his tongue dropped for that first taste and I nearly came then. But nearly would not be enough and he spent time loving, kissing, sucking, nipping as if time would wait, as if we were alone in this world and nothing mattered beyond making me scream out in pleasure until my voice was gone.

My head thrashed side to side for a moment. _Solas, please, _I begged. _Please, too tight. Can’t take it, please._ The hand on my thigh slid slowly up and slid one long digit passed soaked folds. I came hard then. Likely I would have come up off the ground save the single hand still holding my throat, and that made it worse. Again and again he raised me high over into orgasm. Breathless, screaming his name, screaming words that made no sense but came anyway.

He raised his head a moment to lick his lips and I snapped my arms down to grab his face, before he could start again. He raised a brow. _How many-_ He chuckled.

“You deserve pleasure, ma Vhenan.”

I shook my head then as he still didn’t understand. “You are my pleasure, Solas.” He froze staring up at me for several moment. Memories of Wisdom echoed so loud in his head I could hear her.

_She is yours for the taking, if you’ve the will for it._

He released me and moved up beside me to take either side of my head in his hands. His gaze to mine was apology and love wrapped around each other as he said, “I will never deserve you, Athena.”

“Solas.”  
“Hush, ma lath. Let me speak.” I stared up at him as the tears came back.

_Don’t have to, you don’t have to._

“Hush, vhenan.” He leaned in to kiss me and my taste on his lips tightened those muscles all over again. The kiss was brief before he leaned back and placed his forehead to mine, just looking down at me. “I’m so sorry, my Athena.” I shook my head then and he held me tighter. “I don’t deserve you, your love or loyalty. I’ve done nothing to earn it. I hurt you, there’s no two ways about that, even if I never meant to. I never wanted to. Still you love me, still you want _me. _I could never have created you in my wildest imaginings, Athena; a perfect match to me, in so many way. I will never deserve you, ma lath. It just isn’t possible. That’s not to say I won’t try, strive to, but I know the mountain before me is inclined too high to ever reach the top.” I slid my hand over his mouth then as the pain began again, but I would fight it myself.

“Then you will need a dragon to fly you there, you great fool.” My voice broke and I swallowed it down as the tears fell regardless. His face shifted as he moved to wipe the tears away. “I don’t need you to profess love to me, Solas. I’m happy just know you would want me, at all.”

He pulled my hand away and kissed the wrist briefly. “But I do love you, Athena, in ways that I didn’t think I could anymore.”

“Solas.”

“Hush, Vhenan.” His gaze bore down into mine then. _We are both too feral for this_. He kissed me then, pulling my arm behind him as he leaned down into me. _Damn the foolish words. You’ll hear me in words your mind can’t misinterpret, can’t deny. There are no lies among animals._ He kissed me fiercely then, gentle in his own ferocity as his body and magic rose to meet that need, that challenge.

He burned into my skin the need, the desperate need to have me with him, not just as a lover, not just as another mage, but as his, his mate, his choice. He bit into my lips the feelings of warmth of his want, not just for a body but for my words, my heart, my choice. I’d chosen to bind myself to him and he put his vow into those movements of will and touch, his promise I would not regret that decision ever again.

I felt things shift in him and in me, I felt barriers between us rent into pieces as I fell back into my will, the torrent of emotions before me just too much to take all at once. But, he met me there, not as Solas, not as the elf. The Dread Wolf shimmered in the lights off the ocean around us and the dragon, me, looking up at him from below the surface. I shivered against the memories of that pain. To reach up, to reach out again was to accept it could, and possibly, would happen again. I thrashed against it, and the great jaws lowered to grasp my muzzle in its teeth, not hurting, but holding. The gleaming red eyes dared me to look away as even in the water the tears fell.

_Solas._

_ I won’t lose you, my Heart. Not willingly, not ever._

I rose from the water then, the jaws loosening as I stood, my massive claws tapping into ripples around us as I came to my full height. His Dread Wolf form was nearly as large as I was and it amused me slightly as I was no small dragon. _Solas._ It was a rumbled whisper across my will. He stepped to me and tucked my head under his, curling around to nuzzle just above my wings up my neck. I leaned into the embrace, snuggling my head against his as if in some way I could use his soft fur to wipe away that fear, that ache.

_I’m so sorry, My Heart._

_ Solas._

_ You fear loving me now. Tell me I’m wrong, Athena,_ he challenged as he curled closer whining lightly at me. _Tell me my nose has lied to me this once._

I sighed and snuggled closer. _I do not fear loving you, Solas. I fear you will hurt me again._

I felt it echo across my will as the words ripped at him and he nuzzled closer whining into my scales. _Please believe, my Heart. I will spend every day trying not to, trying to make that pain up to you. Athena._ I tucked my head under his jaw and nudged him up as I curled into the soft fur under his jaw.

_I don’t want you to, my love. I don’t want to put you through that. I love you, I don’t want you to suffer like this._ The tears came again then and he leaned back and licked them from my cheeks before staring down at me.

_I can’t promise it won’t happen, My Heart. I’m a grumpy old elf_, he stated in jest and I smiled weakly up at him. _I have my flaws, Athena. But you knew them; you know that I’m flawed. Can you still love me this way?_

_ Solas!_ The dragon gave way as I lunged forward, my arms wrapped tight behind his neck and I buried my head against his fur for the moments before he shifted and his arms came up around my back, holding me there against his shoulder. _I didn’t stop loving you, Solas. I couldn’t stop loving you any more than I could stop breathing and the latter would have to come first. I_-

He kissed the side of my neck then. _Hush._

_ Solas._

_ Hush, my love._ He sighed and kissed into my hair again. “We’re going to be alright, Athena. It’s going to be alright.” I felt his will then, the great power behind it as he wrapped us in it. _Don’t fear, my Heart. It is merely my will to protect you, to protect us. Don’t fear._ I relaxed then and felt my will come up to meet and case his.

_Protection; Safety; Love_. I thought them hard as I willed that shield up. I slid back into my body and looked up over his shoulder, the brilliant blue energy encased by sparking red lightning. _Let any try, he is mine to protect._ A hand tilting my face back and he smiled at me.

_As you are mine. _My face still felt stiff but I smiled up at him.

_Love, true love does not mean looking at each other, but looking together in the same direction._ I couldn’t remember who had said it but it rang through my head. He grinned down at me.

“Indeed.”

I smiled after a moment and he raised his eyebrow again. “Just thinking, I could stay in this single moment for eternity and live happily.” He scoffed on a laugh.

Then he placed his forehead to mine and smiled down at me. _Could never deserve you._

_You are naturally ambitious, my wolf. There is nothing wrong with it. I’m just content to have you, that’s all._ He chuckled and shook his head.

He opened his mouth to speak and suddenly looked up and sighed. “We’ll need to return soon.” I smiled at him as he looked back down at me. “What?”

“Let me up, ma lath.” He sat back and helped me to my feet. “Do you know the way from here?” He quirked that eyebrow. “I really wasn’t thinking direction and I passed out for a few moments when I went too high.” His expression shifted. “I’m fine, ma lath. I just don’t know the way to get back.” He sighed. He wasn’t done discussing it but we’d deal with it later.

“I can guide us, yes,” he stated after a moment. I stepped back from him. “What are you doing?” he asked.

“Give me a bit of space, Solas. I wouldn’t want to step on you.” He quirked his brow but I had no more time to spare him my attention as I reached in. My dragon responded to my call almost immediately and I felt my skin warm and grow. As I settled onto my front feet I lowered my chest to the ground. “Come on,” I told him as I tossed my head to the side, implying for him to mount up. He looked at me as if I were mad. “They don’t know you are wolf, but they do know I’m dragon. We can make much better time this way. Come on.” He sighed and slid up onto my neck.

“This is awkward,” he stated.

“Oh, you’ve ridden me before,” I joked as I rose. “Please hold on though. I’m not that confident in my flying abilities that I think I could catch you mid-air.” I felt his legs tighten and I leaned to the ground and launched skyward. A few powerful thrusts of my wings and we were high over the ground. The winds felt amazing by my wings. I had the thought for a moment that it might be fun to barrel-roll.

_I’d truly prefer if you didn’t_.

_Sorry, my love. I was just enjoying the flight. Where are we headed?_

Silence fell for a moment before I got the view of the sun setting behind the mountains to the west. _Hold on_. I tilted my left wing under slightly and we took a turn as slowly and carefully as I could think to. I was intimately familiar with how the wings of planes worked so I had a decent idea of how a dragon’s should and it seemed I was right most of the way.

After a few minutes I felt my stomach rumble and felt him chuckle. _Hungry, My Heart?_

_I suppose I am. I’m going to try to get some speed. How low can you get to my neck? _He obliged and I felt his hand grasp hold of my lower neck scales, then pulled my wings forward a few times and launched us across the sky. I watched the land below slide by like trees in a car window driving down the highway and laughed to myself. _Unless I miss my guess, we should be running at just under the sound barrier_.

_What do mean?_

_ We should be moving at relatively close to 300 meters per second._ He clung tighter a moment and I chuckled and slowed us as I recognized the mountains coming up quick on us. I back winged twice and felt the speed drop significantly as we came up over the final crest of hill to see Skyhold. _Even from up here, it’s an impressive fortress._

_ Thank you._

_ Will you ever take me for a full tour of it, my love? _I asked as I back winged again and began our descent into the inner courtyard, watching the little ants scatter to give us room.

_Perhaps, but I imagine not for a while._ I smiled as I landed on a double hop and lowered myself to the ground. He slid to the ground and looked over at me. _Coming?_ He asked raising his eyebrow again.

It was actually harder to get my dragon to return to elf than the other way and it took a good bit of effort and focus. I was heaving breaths from the effort as I knelt in the snow and mud. Solas stripped off his tunic and helped me stand to pull it over me. I looked down and realized I was once again naked. It bothered me far less than it did him but then, I was his. I smiled up at him and he scoffed on a grin.

_At least you understand the reasoning._ I chuckled and reached to touch his face. He stepped back and as I went to ask, I turned my hand and saw that it was still caked in mud and laughed.

“Afraid of a little mud, ma lath?”

“I do not fear the mud, but neither does that mean I want to wallow in it. Come. Let’s get you cleaned,” he said and began leading me inside.

“Finally found her, Solas?” Bull asked. I looked back at him and watched him peruse everything visible. “Damn. Never knew she hid that under that cloak.” I could feel Solas’ half-growl and I shook my head at Bull. “What?”

“Never going to happen, Hissrad,” I stated. Solas’ gaze snapped to my face.

“Any other surprise you want to slap me with, Vhenan?” he finally asked.

I smiled up at him. “Explain to the poor qunari that he a snowman’s chance in Tevinter, now. We can discuss surprises later.” He chuckled at first but it became a full laugh as he tried to translate.

“She, she says that snow would have a better chance in Tevinter, Hissrad.” At which point he lost it and was full laughing. Bull’s face melted at the title.

“You know my title?”

“Among many other things,” I stated purpose looking him over quickly.

“She said among other things.”

“Hmph. Keep ‘em to yourself,” Bull stated and walked off. I chuckled quietly.

“Shall we?” I asked smiling up at my lover.

He smiled down at me and tucked my hair behind my ear. _Only for me_. I chuckled up at him and turned to mount the stairs. The smile dissipated as I saw Cullen standing there, arms crossed, glaring down at me.

“Did you like the view, Commander?” I asked in a growl.

“Vhenan. I believe the Commander merely means to welcome you back,” Solas stated as he came up beside me. Cullen shook his head then.

“Others may think you’re safe, but I don’t agree. Where did you go?” he asked and I dropped my chin to my neck as I set my canines, until a firm hands pressed into my shoulder.

“She needed to stretch her wings,” Solas answered.

“So you reveal that Ranier is a murderer and then you just happen to need to leave the council for _his _sake and then you just happen to need to stretch your wings which just happens to take five days to do?”

I reached up and pinched the bridge of my nose as I willed the dragon to calm. This was not a situation to handle with my feral nature. He wanted that I would not give him the pleasure. “Commander,” I began and looked up at him as I dropped my hand. “You begin to irritate me with your mage-hating garbage.” I didn’t wait for Solas to translate. Instead I threw one hand out in front of me as my will bound Cullen’s arms down to his sides and I lifted him off the stairs and set him gently down on the ground below in the outer courtyard with a simple, “Be gone.” I closed my hand and released him as I continued my walk only to see Vivienne waiting within.

“Well played, darling.” I inclined my head to her.

“I’m in need of a bath. You’ll have to excuse me,” I told her and continued walking. Solas paraphrased and lengthened his steps slightly to catch up.

“That might not have been the wisest course of action, Vhenan,” he advised. I nodded.

“Perhaps not, but he was irritating me.” I chuckled. “Besides, half the people here are already afraid of me for what I am. What’s a bit of magic thrown in?”

“A chance for them to try to make you Tranquil.” I laughed then. “Is that an amusing thought, Vhenan?”

“Only in that they had better bring everything they’ve got if they try.”

He paused a moment before hurrying to keep up as we began descending the stairs. “What do you mean by that?”

“Have you felt the whole of Dorian or even Vivienne’s will, ma lath? I would crush them both into unconsciousness without effort and as for the templars abilities to negate magic,” I chuckled. “That might hold effect if all my magic came from the Fade.”

He stopped and grabbed my arm then, to look down at me confused. I stopped and was about to ask what before I smiled up at him.

“Solas, ma lath. I am dragon,” I stated as if that should explain everything. He shook his head and I sighed on a smile. “Can I bathe first? We can go over all of this while I’m cleaning?” He released me and we continued our walk.

_What did she mean by that? ‘I am dragon’? What does that have to do with anything?_

“Stop fretting yourself, Vhenan. I said I will explain and I will. Trust me.” He sighed, took my arm once and fade-stepped us down to the room, then released me. I threw my hand out and barriered the upper door, as he had then looked at the fire and willed it to begin. My magic abilities were flowing almost naturally after my flight. Things really did become easier for after letting my wings stretch, whether he knew that or not I didn’t plan to take the time to find out as I reached to the Veil and drew a large tub forward before the fire. It took a bit more will to channel the water up from the underground rivers as we were rather high up in the mountain but the tub filled half-way before I stopped trying. I was a little winded then but grinned. It was getting easier and that was a relief in itself.

“Don’t over tax yourself, Vhenan,” Solas advised as he heated the water.

“Thank you,” I told him as I turned up to him.

“Bathe. I will wait,” he stated stepping back and placing his hands behind him again. I smiled at him as I stripped his tunic off and tossed it to the bed.

“You could join me,” I invited. I watched his nostrils flare, watched his body react to the offer before his will won.

“I will have my answers,” he stated. I chuckled and stepped over to the tub. Despite his words, I felt his gaze rake down my body as I stepped in.

I moaned into the warm waters as I sank down and let the water wash over me. “Move,” I told the water and it began circling the tub. He inclined an eyebrow. “Helps clear spots my arms just can’t reach or that I wouldn’t see, toes, center back, etc.” He smiled. “Are you going to stand there like that the whole time?” I asked.

“I will wait,” he repeated.

I looked down then and commented, “May want to do something about that then.” He coughed and shifted his garments slightly. I smiled up at him.

“What did you mean?” he finally asked as I started scrubbing. I stopped and looked up at him. “When you said, when we were coming down stairs,” he corrected.

“I am dragon?” He nodded. I smiled at him and sighed. “I suppose I should amend that. Thedas is as alien to me as I am to it. Perhaps here, perhaps your dragons are different,” I started and looked down into the water and saw the dragon smile back in the reflections. “In my world, a dragon is born with a magic, a natural latent ability no different than speech to most.” The water shimmered and I went back to cleaning as I spoke.

“A dragon is one of the most beautiful, powerful, dangerous and revered creatures in my world. Countries have dedicated centuries to studying the mighty and mythical dragon all over my world. Dragons are not merely some ground walking beast, nor sea-swimming lizard. They are powerful and graceful, magical but with enough brute force to take most of a countries army on its own. None question the dragon, because a dragon does not bother itself with ground-walkers questions.” I smiled as I rinsed my arm back off.

“To be dragon is a thousand things at once. It’s an honor above anything else, but it’s more. It means to be capable and responsible of each of the dragon’s abilities; the ability to cast from your own ‘pool’ of magic as well as the ley lines or Veil, the responsibility of knowing anything pulled that way will affect the world around as much as driving a dike through a mountain side. All things have an equivalent reaction. We’re taught that early, but as dragon, I have the ability to quite literally remove every head in the Inquisition in a single willful moment. I know I have this ability so I must tamper my temper, I must control my will, or I could hurt people who don’t deserve to suffer just as much as those who do.”

“You protected _Blackwall_,” he sneered. “Did that have anything to do with it?”

I smiled up at him. “No.”

“Why? I could have smeared him on the floor right there.”

“Yes, you could,” I stated. “But then you would never know, never learn why or whether he could truly become a better person.”

“He murdered children, Vhenan.”

“A very ground-walker thought, ma lath. Their age doesn’t really matter. They lived and now they are dead.”

He looked at me as though I had three heads for a moment.

“You misunderstand, Solas. It’s not that I don’t feel for the children. It’s that I don’t distinguish. To slaughter anyone, regardless of age is the same to me. Ripping Cullen’s guts out would be no different to me than what Ranier did, regardless of how I may want to.” He settled a bit then. “It is all responsibility and response.” I sighed. “My issue with Ranier was not what he did, but how he ran after, how he continues to run.” I looked up at him sadly then. “If Adaar finds him guilty and ends him, he will only be running further.” Solas’ raised an eyebrow and I grinned. “Adaar must be Inquisitor, but surely they will see that.” Solas grinned at me then.

_You may give them too much credit_.

I chuckled. “Perhaps.”

“What would you have the Inquisitor do with, Ranier?” It took a good bit of his will not to spit out the name.

“Ranier must be made accountable for their deaths, but killing him does not grant him that. It releases him.” Solas nodded in understanding. “If justice is done, Ranier will be made to live out the rest of his life under the watchful eye of the Inquisition; made to atone in person to the citizens of Orlais and Fereldan.” Solas smiled at me then.

“You have an interesting concept of justice.”

“Only a rather unclouded one. The natural reaction of any is to wish to take his life in exchange for the lives taken, but that is not justice. To grant him release from the demons of his mind, of hearing the children’s screams every night before he sleeps, of remembering the broken faces he and his men buried. No, justice is not releasing him from his punishment.”

“Remind me not to make you angry, Vhenan.” I chuckled.

“That which truly angers a dragon, will get what it deserves. That I can promise.” He looked up at me then and I felt my dragon shimmer in my skin. “A dragon does not pardon; a dragon is _not_ leniency. To anger a dragon on purpose is to court a long and gruesome end.”

The question touched the end of his tongue but he thought twice about asking it. _What would she do to someone?_

“You do not want that answer, ma lath,” I told him. As he met my eyes and I watched a shiver run through him.

“Perhaps you are right. What does it mean for the templars though?” He asked. I chuckled.

“It means they can only decrease the potency, they can’t stop me.” He raised an eye brow. “Feel for the Veil, ma lath. I will show you.” He paused before he reached out. He could feel it exactly, I knew that. I lifted one hand over the tub and pulled my claymore from my own magics, then laid it beside the tub. He blinked several times before stepping over to touch it. It was coated as if pulled from the Fade, but… His gaze snapped down to mine. “I do not require the Fade to create or destroy. I am dragon.”

He stared down at me for a few minutes. “So, you won’t be affected when the Veil,” he began and I laughed.

“No, my love. The Veil being removed will only make my abilities that much stronger.”

“How strong can you get?” he asked.

I chuckled. “That is like asking how high you can fly, it changes by the day, by what you believe and how strongly you feel it.” I sighed as he raised an eyebrow. “It is not something that has a quantifiable limit, Vhenan. I am as strong as I am at any given moment. That’s all.”

He sighed. “Not very reassuring,” he stated.

I reached up and took his hand. “I don’t know how else to answer you, Solas.”

“Let’s try with comparisons,” he finally suggested after thinking for a moment. I nodded. “Beside Dorian, you are?”

I laughed for a moment. “Dorian and Vivienne both are dried up river beds with finite creeks running through. I am an ocean, boundless and without borders.”

“And me?”

I sighed. “You won’t like that answer,” I stated looking away. He knelt and took my chin in his other hand, pulling my gaze back to his.

“But I must insist,” he stated.

I sighed and tried to think of a good way to put it.

“Athena.”

I nodded. “You are more,” I sighed. “You are, air.” I looked down into the tub. “You are air, soundless, and gentle, but with the ability to be the most powerful destructive force of nature ever seen. Your magics are not limitless; they do require a touch to the Fade or to the Veil. Like the mighty mountain that spans an entire continent. Dormant, but no less powerful. When the lava flows from within it will scorch all.”

“And beside your magic?” I looked away then to the fire. I did not want to say. He was not going to like this, but he pulled me back around to him. “I have to know, Athena.” I smiled sadly up at him at the remembered phrase and nodded.

I sighed before I spoke, trying to draw in enough air and strength to face what was coming. “I would swallow your mountain, continent and all. The boundless sea would cover all.”

“You’re saying you could stop me?”

“I won’t, Solas,” I said quickly looking up into his eyes. _Please believe me, Vhenan._ “I won’t try to stop you. I have no interest in stopping you.” He sighed and sat back on his haunches. “Solas,” I called and he met my gaze. “I swore to you and I meant it.” He raised an eyebrow. “The Evanuris _will_ fall. The Veil will come down if it takes all I am to do it.” He sighed and took my face in both hands.

“That is a price I am _not_ willing to pay.” Then before I could reply, he leaned in and kissed me.

_Mm_. I loved that feeling and I let myself revel in it for a moment before mischievous-Athena won. He was already leaning forward to kiss me, it was just too easy to reach up and pull him a little more forward, chest first into the water. I began laughing then at the wet-cat-glare he threw at me. He moved to get back out of the tub and I shifted to straddle his hips and shook my head.

“You could have let me dress down first,” he snapped and I chuckled before leaning forward to reach for his belt myself.

“Why would I do that when I so enjoy undressing you myself?” I asked back as I tossed the sopping cord behind me. He smiled despite his glare then as my hands slid under his shirt to pull it up and over his head. He sputtered through the water as it came over his head, but the dormant side of the wolf had had enough.

He sat forward then, as if merely trying to aid me in removing the garment. Only as soon as it was over the side of the tub, he slid his hands up over my sides and grip into those spots that made me mewl. I growled down at him as he eased the pressure and he smiled up at me. “Still two more pieces to go, Vhenan.” His arrogant grin up at me only made me want to growl again. I leaned down to him and kept my face scant inches from his as I spoke.

“We’ll just have to see how long it takes me to get those gone then.” If I stuck my tongue out, I could trace his bottom lip, but I kept myself just out of reach, feeling the frustration from my wolf. His lip twitched once before he fisted a hand in my hair and pulled me down for a plundering kiss as the other hand pulled my body down onto his. I mewled against him as I ground my bare body against his stiffening trousers.

_Glad to see you’re enjoying this as much as I do_, I thought then and smiled into his kiss. He sat up a moment to smile down at me.

“If you enjoy it so much, why stay out of reach?”

I smiled and kissed him quickly to emphasize it. “If I merely kissed you it wouldn’t be half as enjoyable.” He gripped his hand in my hair again and I felt my nipples harden as my head went back.

“I concede your point,” he stated and I felt his mouth close around one and I moaned against the strain. The pull had my back arched anyway and I could feel him through his trousers. That coupled with his actions had me about dripping.

_Solas._ He nipped at the taut bud and I moaned from it. _Mean. Evil._ He smiled against my skin.

_I’ve been called worse_, he stated as the hand behind my back dropped down lower to reach behind and under me, pinning me to him against the squirms that followed the expert flicks across warm swollen lips.

_Solas._

_ Come for me, Vhenan. I will have you sing for me._ With that he slid one finger in and my moans quickly became screams of pleasure. The hand that had been fisted in my hair held my head up as I arched farther. 

“Ruthless, ah, ass.” It was all I could get out between moaning and screaming. He smiled before he nipped at me again.

_Not nice to name call, Athena. Especially when I’m trying to play nice_. He slid a second finger in and I fell forward against him, my body no longer had the strength to support me upright. His did. I clung to his shoulders as he worked me, seemingly effortlessly.

_Solas_. It had taken me a few moments to be able to even form the words in my mind. _Please, Solas. Torture. Too tight. Please, Solas. I want you in me. _He chuckled and leaned his head back.

“It amazes me, Vhenan, how you think a thick cock will ease your tightness more than fingers.”

_Solas, please._ He continued working his fingers as he spoke and I felt mindless to properly answer.

“Or is just your excuse, ma lath. You just want me to fill you.” Those words came out and I tightened painfully against his fingers. He chuckled. “I see,” and he began working his fingers harder as I came up from arching my back to it, “you just want my cock throbbing into you.” I came hard on his hands, but he was relentless. “Fucking you.” The tightness ached up into my stomach as he leaned down by my ear. “Filling you.” The last phrase was nearly a whisper by my ear and I felt my muscles clench around his fingers.

_Solas. Solas, please._

“Mercy?” He chuckled and pulled his fingers away and slid to his knees in the tub. I fell forward on his shoulder heaving breaths. “I thought you said you knew me, Vhenan.” It was as much a teasing statement as his last and I shivered for what _that_ might mean. “Do they write of me as merciful, ma lath?” I shook my head. Words seemed beyond my abilities. “Do you think I am merciful?” I leaned back to look in shimmering, near lust-crazed blue eyes.

“Solas.”

He chuckled again and snapped his hand up to snag my jaw. He held me a moment through my heavy breathing before saying, “There is no mercy here,” and kissing me hard, plundering my mouth with his tongue. I tightened harder. It hurt, gods, it hurt so bad to tighten against my own clenching muscles, but oh how I loved when he kissed me like that. No doubt could be had the meaning behind such a kiss: I was _his_ to do with as _he_ pleased.

The hand on my jaw slid down my throat slowly. For a moment I thought he might choke me again and I prayed not. I couldn’t handle being tighter, not now. He was at least that merciful, though I could never have anticipated why. The hand slid by my neck and over my breasts as his other came up to my side gripping, teasing, tightening more.

_It hurts. Solas, please._

In that moment, he broke the kiss and forcibly spun me around to face the tub edge. I gripped it to stop myself from going over, but apparently that wouldn’t have happened anyway as his right hand knotted in hair and pulled me back into him hard and I nearly came from the arching, pulling, pressing sensation as I felt his cock through his pants. The left hand fixed that as he pulled the trousers away, he leaned over my back and just behind my ear said, “Bitch to none, but you are _mine_.” The last word was a growl before he sat back only slightly to align himself and rammed into me. My motion to collapse forward against the tub to the wild pleasure surging through me was halted by that hand in my hair and it made me clench tighter. I heard him grunt once to that before he did it again and I screamed over the edge of the tub, gripping the hard metal with white knuckles.

It was truly amazing how different it felt from the first or even second time and his words echoed through my head then and I heard him chuckle as he did it a third time.

“_There are a few positions that allow me to get a good bit deeper”. _

I tightened impossibly around him. _Solas._

_ New position, my love. How do you like it_? The questioned asked just before he rammed into me again and I screamed hard. _Too much?_ I felt him lean forward slightly, wrapping his left arm around my waist. I had not expected that hand to dip between my legs. I came hard, squeezing him so tightly as he began playing with my clit.

Moaning, gasping, whining against the pleasure but he never let my head dip, never let me lean against that arm. He just kept playing with my clit, kept his hips completely still as I came on him again and again, my nipples barely rubbing the tops of the water as I curled on the trembling tightness.

_Solas. Please. Please, my love._

“I thought you wanted my cock in you, Vhenan. Is that not what you _want_?” He twitched purposely once against me and I moaned louder. _That’s it, my heart. Scream for me._ He stopped playing with me for a moment before he pulled back once and rammed into me again. I obliged, no more will to resist. The harder he slammed in me, the tighter and louder I seemed to get. I was silently begging before long, begging for more, for him to take me harder, to fill me up. Each thought only seemed to result in a harder slam as he pulled me back into him with my wet hair. After a while, he released my hair and I fell forward onto the tub, clinging as his hands gripped my hips and he continued to pound into me. He leaned forward near the end and bit down into my back near my neck. I came so hard around him then.

I felt as he came, my tightness squeezing him as his cock throbbed; I felt him filling me and it felt so good, I tried to push back against him. _More_. It was a breathless plea that got me a dark chuckle as he released my neck and his death grip on my hips.

“Insatiable,” he said on a grin as he slid out of me. I leaned against the tub for a few minutes though. My legs felt like the bone had been stripped from them, I didn’t trust to try to move as I sat there heaving in steadying breathes. He chuckled again after a moment and I heard the water splash behind me just before the squishing splash of clothing hitting the floor. I looked up to see his pants in a crumpled mess on the floor in front of me. More splashing and his small clothes joined it as little bits of water dripped over my back and I moaned lightly as the feeling of the cool water on my back felt amazing. I hadn’t realized how warm I’d gotten.

I focused on my legs for a moment and willed myself to slump down into the tub. Thankfully, years of horseback riding allows for some flexibility in how far out your knees can really go from your hip. I sunk down almost completely to the floor of the tub, feeling the cool water rise up my back and over my breasts. I sighed down as I leaned my head down on my arms on the tub edge, heaving breaths still.

Few things felt as good as him and I let myself revel in the feeling, even as I felt my body tightening repeatedly, well enough to expel a good bit of it. I loved when he held me in general, but when he came in me it was really a state of pure ecstasy. I let myself drift into the memory of how hard his hands had gripped into me as I felt him throb against my tightness, how hard he’d bitten down on the back of my shoulder as I felt him fill me up.

It was a few moments before I heard the chuckle behind me and I turned my head. He was smiling at me as he lounged against the back of the tub. “Pleased to leave you with such arousing memories, ma lath,” he stated then sat up and snaked his arm around my waist. “But you don’t need to dwell on them,” he said as he pulled me over to him. “You can have me as you like, Vhenan.” I grinned as I settled between his legs.

“Promises you shouldn’t make, Solas,” I stated and he raised an eyebrow and I purposely rose and placed my knees to either side of his hips. “I have no problem leaning back against that war table and having you fuck me in front of all of them.”

“Within the bounds of propriety then,” he amended with a smile as he leaned up to kiss me. I indulged before I dropped back down on my heels and his legs and snuggled against his chest.

“Ir abelas, ma vhenan. My legs just won’t hold me up right now.” They still felt barely more stable than water balloons. He chuckled and wrapped his arms behind my shoulders.

“A job well done then,” he stated on a grin.

“How so?” I asked as I let myself bask in the different scents.

He chuckled again. “You really have never had a lover?” I blushed and snuggled under his chin. He chuckled again and kissed into my hair. “That may have come out wrong. It only amazes me that the men of your world could be so,” he began but I cut him off.

“I am far from a beauty in my world; and I have a bit of temper problem.” He chuckled and his left hand came around me under my chin. He nudged my jaw up to look at him and he was smiling down at me.

“They were fools,” he stated. He would brook no argument over it and I blushed slightly. “A broken-willed woman is like blunt blade, few uses and less appeal.” I chuckled.

“Bad and good news there. You’ve seen me as broken as I’ve ever gotten, bad news. Good news, it’s likely to be as broken as I’ll ever get. Too stubborn to fail,” I stated on a grin at him and he smiled back. “Too many important things to do yet.” His smile faded and he pressed his hand to my cheek. I nuzzled into it, closing my eyes to bask in his touch. Silence hung for a few moments before the thought hit me. “Why did you ask whether I’d had a lover?” I looked up at him. His expression shifted.

The wolf smiled back at me. “Any time your woman can walk straight immediately after you’ve fucked her, you failed.” His gaze bore into mine and I chuckled then.

“Considering,” I began on a laugh, “the last few times I’ve flat passed out on you, I would have to agree; ‘job well done’.” I couldn’t help but laugh as I took his words and applied them to his own work. I’d been a little sore even after I woke up the next day_, both_ times. He smiled arrogantly.

“I take pride in my work,” he stated as he leaned down and kissed me. It was a possessive statement but one I could only revel in.

_My dream, my greatest wish; I’m all yours, Solas. I always have been._ He leaned up and looked down at me then with a completely different expression.

“What is your greatest wish, Vhenan?” he asked and the look in his eyes screamed he’d hand me the stars if I asked. I smiled up at him.

“You are,” I stated and watched him gasp back as the reality hit him. “To belong to you, to be yours, your dragon, your lover,” I said looking down at his chest. “To have you kiss me as you just did, hold me as you have. I’ve gotten to live my greatest wish in a place that I once believed was nothing more than a dream,” I finished as I stared off at his bed, our bed. _I could never have imagined so many different and wonderful things. I _would _never have imagined he’d actually want me._ I scoffed at my own thoughts. _Maybe as a play thing, but never_. I looked back up at him and smiled at his stunned expression. _Never like this._ He leaned down swiftly then, taking my head between his hands as he kissed me.

He’d kissed me like that once before and I swallowed down his fear, his love, his past, his worries over the future as I returned his kiss. I held water for his scorching desert as he plundered my mouth with a desperate need to take all, to give all, to share in his feelings with someone. His loneliness had near consumed him and he plundered my mouth with a need to have me there with him.

_I’m all your, Solas_, I thought as I kissed him back. _For as long as you want me. _He broke the kiss then and snuggled his forehead to mine, pulling me up tight to him.

_Bellanaris. _“Ar nuvenan ma sul bellanaris,” he stated and looked down at me. I smiled sadly up at him, but before I could think to respond, he sealed my mouth with his kiss and buried that need deep into my heart. It was not just a want, not just a momentary desire; his was a deep need to have me with him “for eternity”. I slid my hands over his shoulders and out behind his head.

_I am yours, all yours, my love._ I felt his hands slide over my shoulders and down my back as he pulled me tighter to him. _I could live for moments like this_, I thought as I felt him lift me over him. Then I did a stupid. _I could die happily now._ He froze a moment and I felt him shift, the pain in him became a living thing for a moment, a beast he wrestled with. I took his face in my hands and looked up at him. “You misunderstand, Solas.” His eyes were open and terrified. “I have no desire to leave you, but I could die, right now, and die the happiest I’ve ever been.” He kissed me hard then, leaning me back into the tub.

_My Heart. Please, don’t say things like that. There is still, there are more joys to have, Athena, more things for us to have together._ It was desperation that colored even his thoughts and I reached out with my will to ease him, to balm the pain.

_I’m not going anywhere, Solas. I am yours. We have a least a few months before I will need to leave again_. He shivered as he pulled me tighter. _I won’t lie to you, my love._

_I know. I know that_. The kiss eased back a moment and he settled his head to mine. _Just promise me that if we can find another way, you’ll take it._

“As long as I can still protect you, protect the Orb, I will take it,” I agreed. He snuggled against my cheek then and I smiled at him. _My big puppy_. He grinned then for a moment.

Shared silence in our joy, I reveled in that feeling, honestly thinking it couldn’t get better than that. I was wrong.

_I love you, Athena_. Not wrapped in lust or pain, the words were a statement, not coated in something else, some other reason. His eyes came open then as he stared down at me and I felt my throat close a little, my chest felt filled to bursting. Words I’d only ever dreamed of, thoughts I wouldn’t dare have voiced aloud.

_Solas._ I knew him, I knew he would not say those words without thought, without meaning every letter of them. _He _was no fickle creature. He smiled at me then. _Shit, that’s right. He can hear my thoughts. Come on, Athena. So thrown off by his words, you completely forget everything, to include the water cooling around you. Come on._ He chuckled then.

_Are the words so devastating, my Heart?_

I smiled up at him. “No.” I kissed him briefly and sat back. _I just, I mean. You say you are unworthy of me, but_-

He chuckled.

_You are the stuff of my dreams, Solas. You,_ I sighed and looked away from those piercing blue-green eyes. _You are everything I’ve ever wanted. You are my dream. I’ll be the first to admit I never once truly believed I would hear you say that, think that, whatever. I never once believed _I _could be worthy of that. You are _the_ mage, the Dread Wolf, the breaker of chains, the protector of the People, and so much more. How could I ever be worthy? I’m just …me_.

He tilted my chin up and smiled down at me as my gaze met his. “Just you, is more than I have ever deserved; and still you lo- you stay,” he corrected and I realized in that second the correction hurt. I flung myself forward and kissed him.

_Words were never my strong suit. Let him know, please show him._ I begged my dragon and she responded as we kissed our wolf with all we were. _I love him, I have always loved him. Solas, my love, my heart, my world; I could never have been worthy of your love, Solas. I have never dared more than dream of it._ I felt his arms come up around me. _Solas._

_ Hush, my heart._ He pulled me up tight to him, separating our kiss and snuggling into my hair. _You don’t need to explain, Athena. I love you and knowing you love me is all I could need._ I know he willed it, but I felt his contentment then, felt his happiness in holding me there; and became acutely aware of just how naked I was. He chuckled and leaned back only enough to smile down at me. _Suddenly more conscious of your body, my Heart?_

I chuckled then. “I don’t want to be normal, not for you,” I admitted. He smiled and leaned down to kiss me briefly before trailing his kiss across my cheek.

_I love you as you are, Athena. You don’t need to be more. Just let me love you_, he finished as he kissed my neck and I mewled, grasping my hands into his back.

The water was indeed cold by the time we stepped out and I shocked him yet again. He had risen and started stretching out his clothes by the fire to dry when I stepped out and willed the whole thing, tub and water gone. The water evaporated into a fine steam that rose to the ceiling and drifted up the hall in almost the same moment the tub disappeared. I hadn’t touched the Veil for that part, but I did as I reached and pulled a towel out.

“And that is?” he asked grinning at me from his haunches by his trousers.

“I prefer not to drip-dry, ma lath,” I stated as I patted down my face and throat. “It’s bad for the skin for one thing.” I threw my head forward to cascade my hair in front of me and wrapped it with the towel before I reached for a second.

“Two?” he asked. I laughed.

“Yes, two. With hair as long as mine, I need it,” I stated and wrapped the other over my shoulders and began drying my chest. His gaze burned as he traced it over my body while I was drying. “It’s nothing special, Vhenan. You don’t have to look at me like that,” I finally said as I leaned over to dry my feet.

“Like what, Aethien?” His question set off warning bells in my head. I felt out and realized then that I’d dropped the barrier somewhere in all of that and the distant padding of hard-soled feet on the steps could be heard if I tried.

I pulled the towel tight around myself and felt the heat flash off him as the towel barely covered from my underarms to just below where I needed it to cover. _Well I don’t exactly have time to dress_.

He glanced over at the bed.

_I’m soaking wet, Solas. I’m not climbing under those furs while I’m dripping._ He grinned.

“You had less objections previously,” he stated on that grin.

The padding stopped then. “Um, Solas.” It was Adaar’s voice calling.

“Yes, Herald?”

“Is it, uh, safe, to come down?” he asked and I chuckled.

“Probably not, but you might as well invite him in. He has already walked the whole way.” Solas smiled.

“I assume you did not come all this way to talk from the stairs,” Solas stated, making it sound almost indignant. Adaar coughed and hurried the last few steps only to freeze as he stared at me.

I greeted him and Solas relayed, “She bids you good evening, _Adaar_. What can I help you with?” Solas asked, purposely directing the conversation back over to him. I looked up. _When the hell did he have time to pull his pants on?_ He smiled.

“They, um, the council want your opinion,” he said tearing his gaze from me to meet Solas. “On whom the Inquisitor should be.” I sighed and he looked back over at me.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and padded over to the fire. I needed something else to look at. _It would seem you were right, my heart. I was giving the _idiots_ too much credit_. I fumed as I looked down at the fire, blazing it hotter.

“Atishan, Vhenan,” Solas urged, laying his hand on my shoulder. I breathed deep and forced myself to calm and the fires calmed with me.

“She has opinions on who should be Inquisitor?”

“She has pointed opinions on who should be Inquisitor. Grant me a few moments to dress and I will meet with the others in the War Room.” Adaar almost jumped up then.

“Ok. I’ll see you there. Um, goodbye, kitten, lady, oracle, um, bye.” Adaar took off up the steps as if I might pursue him. I scoffed and glared down at the fire. It was cute before but it was swift becoming irritating. But even for the minor distraction it wasn’t enough to still my anger. _How can they not know? It should be fucking obvious! _He_ led them here! H_e_ made the decisions on alliances! H_e_ helped seal the Breach. ARGH!_ I turned to an amused gaze. “It is obvious, isn’t it?”

He chuckled and took my face in his hands. “I will help them see it, Vhenan.” I sighed.

_He shouldn’t have to ‘help them see it’. It’s fucking obvious. Who else could it be? Cassandra would drive the Inquisition into the ground. Josephine doesn’t have the back bone. Cullen’s about as useful a soleless shoe. Leliana would turn it into an Assassin’s Enclave. The only other option would be Solas, but he keeps himself hidden (he has to), and quiet so they _won’t_ assume him. This was madness. How could they not _see _it?!_

“Athena.” It was whispered and I realized he’d been listening.

“I’m sorry, ma lath. I did warn you that I have a temper problem.” He chuckled.

“So you did. But don’t trust them, trust me. I can handle this.” I smiled at him and he kissed me quickly before releasing me to attend to his clothing. I dropped the towel near the fire place then and began summoning clothing to me. I would need to be dressed soon.

The panties and bra were easy; he loved the lace and I loved his hands on me. No real decision there. The rest was more a decision of what to do with myself. He would need to attend the Council and I would _need_ to be somewhere else. I thought on it for a moment even after he left to join them with one more kiss before it occurred to me a perfect thing to do.

I reached out and pulled through my ranching gear, my loose fit jeans and button-down, blue fleece blouse with the warm sleeves I could roll up when I wanted the flexibility. I pulled the boots too. Old-man Kelly used to joke with me all the time about those, but I refused to change. They were black combat boots, steel-toed and mid-calf with ankle support. I told the master of the ranch repeatedly that if I ever did get stepped on or some accident would happen, I’d rather be able to reattach things than risk having them crushed into oblivion. I laughed to myself as I strapped them on and laced them up. I _definitely_ didn’t fit in here with this but thankfully my cloak covered most of it. I didn’t have the links in the shoulders to seal it so the cloak lay partly open in front and I laughed at how ridicules I must look.

No matter. I would go see Falon. I left the room and stomped my way up the stairs. My combat boots weighed another two kilos each than my regular boots so stealth was out of the question. I reached the main hall and saw Varric against the far wall with piles of scrolls around him. I chuckled and he looked up. I bowed slightly to him and he grinned. “Gracing the hall with your presence, Kitten?” I smiled at him and shook my head. His expression shifted slightly. “Where are you headed?” he asked. Ever astute, at least they got that right.

I pulled the cloak around over my left arm and stroke it twice before tossing my head back as Falon had. He smiled.

“Never been very good at charades but if I had to guess you’re going down to pet your halla.”

I smiled and nodded and approached his table. Finding a blank scroll, I lifted a quill with the question on my face. He nodded to me and I quick-sketched Solas onto the scroll.

“Shit, Kitten, that’s quite the likeness.” I shook my head and shook the quill in front of me quickly. “That’s just a quick sketch?” I nodded and tapped the picture, then my chest and pointed to the door. “I’ll tell him where you went,” Varric said. “Mind if I keep this?” he asked holding up the picture. I just lifted my hand towards him in a ‘go ahead’ and he smiled. “Guess I’m getting better at it,” he stated and I grinned then bowed. “Be careful, Kitten. The stairs are all pretty iced over.” I nodded a thanks and left. It had started snowing again.

_Quickly down to the stables then_, I told myself and began my trek. Varric wasn’t shitting though. I had to slow my steps several times to keep from sliding down the stairs most unceremoniously. _Haven’t these people heard of salt?_ I cursed at one point.

“What is ‘salt’?” Cole asked from beside me. I grinned at him.

“Generally,” I said as I took another cautious step down, clinging to the wall on my left, already feeling the cold seep into my bones, “it is used as a flavoring for food, but when it snows, it is used to melt the ice on steps so people don’t fall. At least in my world.”

“People in this world just seem to avoid steps in the snow,” he stated. I grinned.

“Suppose that’s another way to go about it.”

“You shouldn’t be outside in the snow,” he told me and I know he was just remembering our conversation with Solas that day.

“I understand that, Cole. But I miss Falon.” He looked puzzled a moment and I knew that to be his thinking face and grinned at him. “I’ll be alright, Cole.”

“Yes,” he said then touched my arm and we were both standing in Falon’s pen. Falon shied lightly then, until I let him know it was me. I grinned over at Cole as I pet Falon’s neck.

“Thank you, Cole.” He grinned back.

“Call me when you are ready to go back. It really isn’t safe for you out there.” I smiled.

“I promise.” Cole smiled and disappeared and I turned my attention to Falon then. His tack was hanging on the back wall and I grinned then. Some things never change, no matter what world you’re in. I reached in and found the brush I wanted and began brushing him down, for which he was very appreciative.

[[[Solas would rather have stayed and just enjoyed the view of his mate standing there in nothing but her lacey things, but he had told Adaar he’d be along shortly. He sighed, leaned in to kiss her quickly and ascended. She had told him that Adaar must be the Inquisitor and though he couldn’t see it, she seemed confident he could lead. He spent his time on the stairs trying to think of how best to go about the upcoming discussion, rebuttals for any of the others. The seeker was really the hardest to find the rebuttal for. She was a skilled warrior and likely would lead well, though Athena was convinced she’d lead them right into a deep grave.

He crested the final stairs and set his face. They must all see the wise old mage, the humble apostate and he put his camouflage on carefully. He walked with his usual purpose to the War room, though it was nearly a four minute walk on its own. It didn’t seem so long when he’d had sentries posted at every door but the empty space made it feel much longer. He entered and almost all eyes looked first at him and then the door. “She will not be joining us,” he announced. “She insists this is something she should not be involved in.” It wasn’t entirely true but it was the case.

“Very well,” Leliana began. “The Herald has told you then?”

“You asked for me to join you to weigh in my opinion on who should lead the Inquisition,” he stated confidently.

“More or less,” Cassandra replied and it was then that Solas took in that Adaar was absent. That could complicate things.

“We are torn between candidates and need a final arbiter,” Josephine stated. “You have demonstrated a willingness to help before, and a wisdom that has aided us in the past. We each have, different opinions on who and why. Will you hear them?” she asked politely.

Solas nodded. “I am at your disposal, Ambassador.”

“Thank you,” Josephine replied. “Who would like to start then?”

“This is ridicules,” Cullen half-shouted. “Iron Bull may be qunari but he’s already proven he can lead. He leads his own unit already.”

“A small group, Commander,” Leliana retorted.

“Please,” Josephine drew the word out into an almost sentence. “We asked Mr. Solas here to help settle this.”

Leliana inclined her head then and pressed her lips closed.

“Go on, Commander,” Josephine urged.

“There’s not much else to say. Iron Bull is the obvious choice.”

“Very well,” Josephine directed. “Leliana, your choice?”

Leliana smiled at her. She acted as though they hadn’t spent three days arguing varying points for each of their ‘desired’ candidates. “The girl,” Leliana answered and faced Solas, who raised an eye brow and brought his will to bear to keep from grinning. That wasn’t going to happen. “First off, she does have her extraordinary ability to know what’s coming and pretty close to when. Secondly, she has demonstrated her ability to draw the attention of everyone, mercenary, commoner and mage, with a simple motion. Third, her magics seem to far surpass even Vivienne or Dorian’s by leagues. And lastly, she has an air about her that nearly demands respect. All those things will be needed to lead an army this size.” Solas nodded off to her. “Do you believe she would agree?”

“Forgive me, but I would hear everyone out before I answer, Spymaster.” Leliana smiled and nodded.

“Cassandra?” Josephine prompted.

Cassandra swallowed hard.

“And please remember we agreed not to discredit the others choices. We are _only_ presenting options.”

Cassandra blushed lightly before speaking. “Of course, Ambassador.” She turned to Solas then. “I,” she coughed as if trying to clear something out of her throat a moment. “I believe the Herald should lead us.”

“This again?” Cullen demanded.

“Commander.” It was a warning phrase from Josephine, and Cullen’s only response was a scoff.

“I truly believe he is the right choice. I may be wrong but that is why we asked another to decide.”

“Why do you believe that, Seeker?” Solas asked politely.

Cassandra sighed. “He can lead, when he feels he has to. He demonstrates that in the field and he demonstrated it after Kitten’s dragon incident on the way here from Haven. He has the ability to be the authority that the Inquisition will need. He also does not flinch from duty. He will make the call as he feels when it is needed. Even when _we_ cannot agree.” She stated flushing as she looked down.

Solas nodded and faced Josephine and she bowed to him and Cassandra rolled her eyes. “I am of the opinion that Lady Pentaghast should be our Inquisitor.” Cassandra scoffed. “She is the voice that began this whole thing and she has the respect of the soldiers already. Her title would give us options that the others would not and her status as Hero of Orlais would grant the Inquisition the renown to recruit even Chevalier to the ranks.”

“Most interesting points,” Solas stated as she stopped. He shook his head after a moment as if considering the options. “I disagree though, Lady Ambassador. I do not believe she would make the best Inquisitor as she too obviously doesn’t want it. Placing a mantle on an unwilling head is asking for disaster.”

“At least Solas agrees with me,” Cassandra said then. “And he’s right, I wouldn’t accept it, even if you laid it on a silver plate.”

“You hate silver anyway,” Leliana joked.

“I’m afraid the same reason though discredits your choice, Spymaster. Aethien would no more take up the mantle than Cassandra would.” Leliana went to speak and he held up a hand. “Please, you invited me here to speak, hear me.” Her jaw snapped close. “While I agree with all of your points, Aethien has already stressed how much she _must_ remain the unseen in all this. She plans to lay hidden until Corephyeus strikes again.” Leliana cocked her head slightly and Solas smiled. “Until he brings his dragon forward.”

“Dragon to dragon?” Leliana asked.

“Just so,” Solas replied. “That will do her no good though if the world is chattering about a dragon in elf form leading the Inquisition.” Leliana nodded, obviously not happy but neither could she refute it.

“So Iron Bull is the only choice,” Cullen said swiftly.

Cassandra went to argue it but Solas was faster. “No, Commander. Iron Bull is still Qunari and would sell the Inquisition out if his Qun demanded it. Your spymaster can attest to that. I believe,” he paused, “under the circumstance that the Tal-Vashoth, Adaar, is the wisest call.” The others went to speak and he spoke over them. “You asked for my words. Silence yours.” It was commanding and he knew he should be careful with that, but it was his touchy spot too. “Adaar has shown that he is capable and even willing to lead when necessary, but more importantly, Commander, Iron Bull has led a band of _mercenaries_. Is that really how you want the Inquisition portrayed? A giant mercenary band?” Cullen sputtered and flushed.

“I had not considered that,” Josephine stated then.

“While Adaar is by birth qunari, he holds none of their values. He is generally polite,” Solas said to Josephine, “discreet when it is needed,” he said to Leliana, “and decisive when it is called on.” He sighed. “I would have to throw my vote to Cassandra on this one. Adaar is the best choice, maybe not the one we would want, but still, the best we have that would willingly accept the mantle.”

“Do you believe he _will_ accept it?” Leliana asked. Solas thought a moment.

“I believe so, yes. Especially if it is presented to him in such a way by the four of you that leave him no doubt to your allegiances.” Solas smiled. “He might even surprise all and turn out to be the perfect Inquisitor.” Leliana smiled then.

“Thank you, Solas, for settling this for us. We are all agreed?” All three nodded. “I will see to the arrangements then,” Leliana stated and smiled at Solas. “I wish you were wrong, but I don’t doubt your word. Thank you again, Solas.”

“Indeed, thank you,” Josephine echoed. Cassandra sighed heavily.

“Glad that’s over.”

“Oh no,” Leliana said grinning at her. “He was your choice; _you_ get to tell him.”

“What?!”

“It seems fair,” Cullen agreed.

“I agree,” Josephine added as Cassandra half-growled a scoff.

“If the four of you have no further need of me, I will retire,” Solas said on a bow.

“Thank you for coming, Solas, even if you did saddle me with this,” Cassandra said smiling at him.

He bowed a little lower and left. _Great fools all. _He laughed silently to himself as he walked out into the main hall a few minutes later. The reconstruction efforts were coming along, but it still disgusted him how long humans took to repair things. A single spell and the entire roof could have been fixed in moments, but they insisted on tresses and ladders and stone and wood work and then layering and _then_ thatching. He scoffed.

“Chuckles!” Solas stopped to look and Varric was waving him over.

_Might as well see what he wants._ He padded over. “Master Tethras,” he greeted then quirked an eye brow before asking, “Taken to drawing?”

“Oh that was Kitten,” Varric said with a grin. “She said it was just a quick sketch but I think it’s pretty impressive so she let me keep it. Wonder if she’d do one of me if I asked?”

“Was there something you needed?” Solas asked, perhaps a little more curtly than he’d meant to. Varric grinned up at him.

“You could be there with me if you like?” Solas looked down at him for a moment as if he hadn’t the slightest clue of what Varric was referring to and Varric ultimately shrugged. “She asked me to let you know that she went to pet the halla in case you got back before she did.”

“She did what?” Solas asked quickly, failing to disguise his anger. He could see the snow falling from the Council hall.

“She just went down to the stables,” Varric said as if it were no big deal.

Solas passed a hand over his face. “Thank you for the information. Did anyone go with her?”

Varric shook his head. “Not that I saw.”

“Blast it,” Solas half-shouted as he stomped off towards the door. Three steps down the stairs and fade-stepped to the stable entrance, though it only took a moment to realize she was still there as she was singing again. Despite himself he smiled. Her song amused him as the girl in her song turned the man before her down, only to realize the man before her was the boy she’d waited fourteen years for.

“So come all ye fair and tender maidens, Don't smite your sailors whilst they're at sea, For when they come home, they'll make you their own, And they'll bring you o'er to Americay.” He heard the halla snort. “You’re biased,” she told him. “Oh fine, one more, then I really must get back.” It snorted again and Solas shook his head as he padded silently within.

He met eyes with Dennett, for a moment as the horse master quickly pressed his finger over his own lips in a signal. Solas nodded and stopped to listen, only then realizing the whole of the stable hands stood behind Dennett, barely breathing for sake of the quiet. Solas grinned then.

_Mine._

_Eternally_, he heard back before, “One I know you’ll like,” she told the halla with a smile in her voice. “He plunges through the forest night, his eyes are wide with fear; Behind him he can hear the sounds that means the hunt is near. Fair before him is the trap, and in the trap, the bait. He trembles, mewls, and lays his horn, Upon the lap of Fate.” Solas listened carefully then. “And now the hunt converges on the spellbound unicorn. The hunters mean to slay the beast and take his precious horn. So gleeful in their greed and lust, they have not paused to see, This maid was not the peasant girl, they’d left tied to the tree.” He knew that Dennett and the others could not understand her, but her voice was entrancing all the same. It was not her voice that had _his_ attention though as he listened to her through the end of the song. “Now as they raise their spears, she casts red lightening from her hands. Their limbs are bound fast to their sides, as if with iron bands. She rises. In her voice is rage and hatred in her eyes. ‘Cruel killers of a dream be warned, you merit death’, she cries. ‘Though you spread terror, pain and fear, rough justice shall you see: And as you have the hunters been, so shall you hunted be!’ Now once again out from her hands, the lightnings dance and flare. Where once each man had stood, there was a small and frightened hare.” The halla nickered in a laugh then. “‘From moon to sun, to moon again, run hunted, evil men, And pray the Lady spares your lives, and Fate remains your friend’. ‘Dear unicorn, you and your kind, Still yet may die unless, Shall we turn hunter, you and I?’ And the unicorn said ‘Yes.’,” She finished gleefully and the halla rose above the rafters a moment. “I knew you’d like that one.” A pause and then, “I really must go. He’ll be worried.” He stepped forward then, despite Dennett’s attempt to quietly catch his attention.]]]

_One more?_ I grinned at him and scratched the base of his horns one more time.

“I really must go. He’ll be worried.”

_You’re mate doesn’t mind you singing to me._ I chuckled then.

“Not overly.” I looked over and Solas was smiling at me over the stall door.

“That’s why he said that.”

“Said what, Vhenan?”

“How long have you just been there listening?”

Solas merely shrugged. “A little more than a song. Interesting choice for that last one, while we are on the topic.”

“It’s called ‘The Trap’,” I stated. “One of my favorite artists.”

Falon butted my side. _One more?_ He insisted. I looked down at him.

“Seems he’d like another,” Solas said and I looked up at him curiously. “No, I can’t hear him. He is just very insistent.” I stared up at him a moment.

_I wouldn’t make you wait for me, my love._

Solas grinned. “I’ll hear another too, then,” he said leaning back against the post behind him, crossing his arms over his chest to stare down at me lovingly. “For both of us, Vhenan.” I smiled at him and shook my head.

_See. One more_, Falon pleaded as he butted my side again.

“Very well,” I agreed and Cole appeared on Falon’s back.

“Me too?” I grinned up at him and nodded before I thought for a moment.

_Yeah, that will work._ I steadied my breath and had to look down for a moment. Solas made me so nervous.

_Still think I’ll judge harsher, my Heart? _I looked up and he looked so sad, it just came to me then.

“You with the sad eyes, Don’t be discouraged, Oh I realize, It’s hard to take courage. In a world full of people, You can lose sight of it all. The darkness inside you, Can make you feel so small.” I smiled at him as Cole’s hand set on my shoulder. “Show me your smile, then.” Solas quirked a half-grin. “Don’t be unhappy, Can’t remember when, I last saw you laughing. This world makes you crazy, And you’ve taken all you can bear, Just call me up, ‘Cause I will always be there. And I see your true colors, Shining through. I see your true colors, And that’s why I love you.” He grinned truly then.

_A song specifically for me, Athena?_ I just smiled at him as I continued.

“So don’t be afraid, To let them show; Your true colors, True colors are beautiful, Like a rainbow.” He smiled at me.

_That’s truly how you feel, isn’t it? Not just a song you’re singing from your world?_ I smiled up at him.

_I can’t be less than me, Solas. I don’t know how_. He chuckled and walked into the stall and pulled me to his chest.

“I would never ask you to, Vhenan.” After a moment he leaned back and took my face in his hands. “Just be you.”

An exaggerated cough can from outside. “Do you think she’d sing one more, Mr. Solas?” Dennett asked cautiously. Solas chuckled.

“What do you say, Vhenan? One more, or is it back inside with you?” I grinned at him and looked over at Dennett. He always reminded me of Old-Man Kelly. I smiled and nodded to him.

“One more.”

“She agrees, one more,” Solas said and stepped back. I shivered as he let go and he looked down at me then, concern playing across his face.

“A chill. I’ll be alright.” He grasped my chin and the look in his eyes never made it to thought. “I will be fine. One song, then inside, to a warm fire.” He sighed and stepped back.

I breathed deep. I could feel the chill in my bones with the evening wind. Night was falling quickly, but I looked up at Cole’s blue-sky gaze and smiled. “For you.”

He smiled down from Falon’s back.

“Why are there some many, Songs about rainbows, And what’s on the other side? Rainbows are visions, But only illusions, And rainbows have nothing to hide.” I sighed then, pressed on. “So we’ve been told, And some choose to believe it. I know they’re wrong, Wait and see. Someday we’ll find it, The Rainbow Connection, The lovers, The dreamers, And Me.” Cole grinned then. “Who said that every wish, Would be heard and answered, When wished on the morning star? Somebody thought o’ that, And someone believed it. Look what it’s done so far. What’s so amazing, That keeps us star-gazing, And what do we think we might see?” His expression shifted as he turned his head to the side and I smiled at him. “Someday we’ll find it, That Rainbow Connection, The lovers, The dreamers, And me.” Cole grinned again as I continued, “All of us under its spell. We know that’s probably magic. Have you been half-asleep? And have you heard voices? I’ve heard them calling my name. Is this the sweet sound, That calls the young sailors? The voice might be one in the same. I’ve heard it too, Many times to ignore it, It’s something, That I’m supposed to be. Someday we’ll find it,” this time, Cole joined me and sang the last chorus with me and I couldn’t help but smile at him, “The Rainbow Connection, The lovers, The dreamers, and Me.”

“I like that one,” Cole said with a smile down at me and I shivered again. Solas stepped to me and wrapped his arms around me.

“Time to get you inside, Vhenan.”

Before any of us could say anything, Cole touched my shoulder and Solas and I were suddenly standing in the room before the fireplace. He looked over at it briefly and I felt the translucent fibers pass as he willed the fire to start. I snuggled down closer to him.

“I can see why the halla wanted you to continue singing.”

“Falon says I sing better than I believe I do, but it doesn’t feel the same. I sing for Cole, I sing for Falon. I wouldn’t have sung for Dennett, but it would seem you were all standing there listening.” Solas chuckled and began rubbing my arms through my cloak.

“I wasn’t sure you would agree, to be completely honest,” he said as he stepped back. “I almost wish you hadn’t. Your lips are turning shade,” he added sadly.

I thought for a moment and Cole appeared beside me with a cup of steaming liquid. “Thank you, Cole.” He grinned and disappeared again.

“And that is?”

“My treat,” I admitted smiling up at him. “It’s warmed cow milk with shavings of chocolate in it.” I held it up to him and he sniffed it and sat back.

“That’s not chocolate.”

I chuckled and sipped it before looking down at the fire. “When you were gone with the Inquisitor, I,” I cleared my throat and continued, “I had trouble sleeping for the first few nights. Cole asked what would help.”

“That was your solution?” I grinned but I didn’t look up.

“My solution was to find a warm beverage that I knew I could drink that Cole couldn’t mass produce.” Solas chuckled. “This is a very specific drink, yes, but the whiskey in it actually does help me sleep, dreamlessly.” I sighed and my grin evaporated from my face. “I was afraid of my dreams for a while, when you were gone. Too many things that could go wrong.” I felt him tug at my chin and I looked up. “I don’t really need it to help me sleep now, but it’s a comfort that he tries so hard to help.” Solas smiled sadly down at me.

_Any… if… did_. I began laughing then.

“Atishan, ma lath. I am in control,” I smiled up at him then. “I will tell you if I have the nightmares again.” He smiled down at me and let the hand on my chin slide to cup my cheek. I leaned into the caress. _I’ll never be able to explain it, not to him or anyone._

“Explain what, vhenan?”

I blinked and looked up.

_Forgot again?_ I chuckled then.

“Indeed, I had.”

“What do you not think you could explain to me?” he pressed. I looked away a moment as I felt my face flush. “Athena.” 

“It’s, silly,” I stumbled.

“Tell me anyway,” he said softly. I looked up then and met the concerned gaze of my love.

I flushed warmer. “Just-It’s,” I stumbled and sighed. “Little things,” I finally got out, “the little things, like,” I sighed again, “like touching my face like that, or, or like wrapping your arm just a little tighter around me as you sleep, or.” He slid his thumb under my chin and gave me a brief shake.

“What about the ‘little things’?” he asked, looking down at me. _I go too far?_

I shook my head then and placed my popsicle hand over his. “No, ma lath,” I said swiftly. “Backwards, you have it backwards.” He raised that eye brow again and I chewed my bottom lip a moment trying to figure out how to explain it. Finally it hit me; we could send images, and words that way. I breathed deep and felt for him, then willed him the feeling, that specific feeling as he touched my face just now. The warmth, the comfort, the safety, the happiness, the contentment that flowed from a single action. I willed the emotions to him. I opened my eyes to see his mouth parted as he breathed in deep.

I moved my hand slightly and his gaze met mine.

“I didn’t know how else to explain it,” I said then.

His smile was slow forming but glorious as it tugged at his lips. _Wow._ He pulled me to him, setting his forehead to mine and closed his eyes. “So much more than I deserve,” he said softly.

_Solas._

_ Hush, my Heart. You are more than I deserve,_ he began then opened his eyes to stare down at me. “That doesn’t mean I won’t try my whole life to be a better man, to be worthy of that love.” He chuckled. “Might need those wings.” I chuckled then too and leaned up to kiss him. He indulged briefly before he sat up. “Sit by the fire, Vhenan. I’ll grab the,” he paused and I looked up.

“What is it?” I asked and tried to follow his gaze. Then I grinned. _Josephine has been busy I see_.

“Indeed.” He released me to walk over to the bed.

“Best guess,” I began and he raised an eye brow to me. “She wasn’t sure which order to put what on the bed, so she just left them folded at the bottom.” He smiled.

_Likely._

I shivered again and sloshed some of the drink on my hand. It stung a bit at first but the warmth was actually welcome after, even if the stickiness wasn’t. I shifted hands and licked the sticky mess from my hand. Only when I finished did I bother to look back up at him. He seemed frozen in place.

“Solas?” He seemed to snap back then. “Are you alright?” He quirked that eye brow for a moment then smiled and chuckled briefly.

“I’m fine, Vhenan,” he said on a huge smile before he reached over and snagged up one of the great furs that had been folded at the base of the bed. Too obviously timber wolf and from a larger one by the look of it. “Just remembering,” he stated and stepped to the fire place, placing his spare hand to the small of my back to move me with him. I obliged.

_Seriously though. Even that. Little things_. He chuckled as he stopped and slid the fur over my shoulders.

“Sit. The closer you are to it, the faster you’ll warm up.” I smiled and settled to the ground. As he went to step away, a thought hit me.

“What were you remembering, Solas?” He grinned down at me, but still returned to the bed to grab another fur before he began talking.

“Something we’d discussed earlier,” he finally answered as he returned to the fire and slid his long legs around me. He wrapped another fur around his shoulders and then closed it around mine. “The fact that you’ve never had a lover before.” I flushed and sipped my drink.

_I’ll be grateful to the alcohol for a different reason tonight_. He chuckled.

“Not what I meant, Vhenan,” he said and kissed the side of my head. “You do not even realize the affects you have when you do certain things, because you have never had someone to do them to, or with, however you want to phrase it.” I tried to follow but I was lost and I knew I wasn’t drunk off two sips. He chuckled again. “When you do things like lick your fingers clean, ma lath,” he stated.

“So?” He chuckled again.

After a moment he said, “Give me your hand, Vhenan.” I shrugged and shifted the cup to the floor beside us and reached back. He took my hand in his gently, the difference in temperature was already improving and I was grateful for his additional warmth. “Look at me, Athena.” I looked back over my shoulder and he purposely drew my hand to his mouth. At first I thought he meant to kiss and replace. I was wrong. Instead of placing a kiss to my knuckles as customary, he drew my hand only up enough to reach the finger tips. He held my gaze then as his tongue lashed out to suck one tip into his mouth.

The reactions that sent through my whole body probably did more for the warming process than anything yet. I squeezed my eyes shut and he chuckled.

“When you asked if I was alright,” he began and drew a second into his mouth for a moment before finishing. It took most my will not to moan against that.

_This shouldn’t be that fucking arousing. What the hell?_

He chuckled and drew my hand back down around my stomach, pulling me back against him. “When you asked, it rather just sealed to me the fact that you have no idea the affects you have.”

“But that was you _doing_ that to me, not me doing it to me.” It sounded less stupid in my head. He chuckled again.

“Watching you ‘do it to you’ is no less arousing, Vhenan.” I swallowed hard. I was going to need a lot more alcohol before this night was over.

I tried to imagine for a moment, what it would feel like to watch him do it and I got angry. It was irrational as hell, but I got angry. He chuckled again and pulled me from my thoughts.

_Rather close to my thoughts exactly, my Heart. They are _my_ fingers. If anyone is going to taste them_, he began lifting my hand back to his mouth, _it’s me._ And he pulled one back inside his mouth.

I shifted then, up onto my knees in one swift motion; the fur around my shoulder falling between us as I turned and pulled my fingers away to replace them with lips. My hands came up behind his head as I pulled him down for that kiss, one hand against his ear, the other behind his pristinely bald head.

He smiled into it as his hands trailed over behind my shoulders and down my back. _Insatiable_. He slid one over my butt and I curved into him as his hands trailed down behind my knees. I clung to him in surprise a moment as he lifted my knees up over his hips but I gasped in a breath as I felt him between our layers of clothing.

Almost instinctively I pressed my hips down slightly and his hands caught just under my ass.

_Impatient, my heart?_ I whimpered and struggled against the grip as I kissed him deeper. He chuckled and I sat back to pout at him. _At least let me get the clothing out of the way first, Athena._ I grumbled at him a moment and slid my feet around then so they weren’t stuck up against his knees and instead came up under me. I stood straight up then. “I never said I didn’t want, Vhenan,” he stated. I smiled down at him, his face inches from my stomach.

“No, you didn’t. But I don’t imagine you’ll figure this out without either time or a blade and I don’t care to use either at the moment,” I stated stretching my hands out to my sides. He looked down a little.

“It is already so tight there though,” he stated and ran his tongue over his lips. _I could just chew right through it_, and he leaned down. My hands caught the sides of his head quickly.

“Solas.” He looked up as his hands pressed to the back of my thighs.

“Vhenan?”

“You wanted the clothing out of the way, then let me get it out of the way.” He grinned and sat back.

“Very well, ma lath.” He leaned back on his elbows then to peruse from ankle to eyebrow. “I’ll try to behave.”

I chuckled then. _Uh-huh. ‘Cause behaving badly is still behaving._ He grinned up at me then.

“Go on.”

I thought a moment. _What the hell, might as well. _I leaned forward, and began unlacing the boots, which also put my face inches from his waist. I grinned up at him as I unlaced both.

_Mind who you tease, my heart. My patience is still that of the wolf._

I contained a chuckle as I pulled one boot off and then the other and tossed them to the far corner. Staring down at him felt a little backwards and more than a little heady; I would be lying to myself to say I wasn’t lost in the need to drive him as mad as he drove me.

_Well?_ He asked eyeing down my body. I grinned at him and pulled the shirt loose of the belt line and let it fall. I knew the edges would stop just barely above my knees. I liked long shirts, I always had. I was slower as I lifted my hands under the shirt to the belt line and popped the metal button loose and slid the zipper down. I was too busy watching him.

_If licking my hands clean got his attention, I was going to enjoy purposely slowing my undressing._ He glared up at me a moment. I grinned, I couldn’t help it. I slid a thumb by each hip and leaned down towards him. He moved to lean forward and I snapped back up, one foot to his chest. “You said you’d behave.”

He was seething as he leaned back, briefly reminding me of a viper pulling in its tail; it may look contained but the next movement was not going to be one you would have time to respond to. He was strung tight and every muscle in his body reflected it as he held my gaze. I lowered the jeans and pulled them over each foot, before setting my feet back by his hips and tossing the pants to join the shoes.

I felt the heat trail my skin as his eyes dropped to the shirt edge. I had never understood that, but something about a shirt or dress that barely covered seemed to drive men wild with the need to get the blasted thing out of the view. I watched his jaw set as he met my eyes again.

_Finish_. It was not a request. I would finish undressing or he would finish it for me and likely with far less buttons on the shirt after.

I also never claimed to be obedient. I took my time, slowly unbuttoning down the shirt. The heat coming off him rivaled the fire at my back as the last button came undone.

_For never having a lover before, she knows what she’s doing here. Look at her._

I smiled down at him. “I’ve never had a lover before you, no. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t watch, didn’t learn watching others.”

“You watched other women undress?” I grinned then as I slid the shirt first from one arm then the other and let it drop on his legs. His jarred half-jump at the touch only tightened places in my body. I was playing with fire and I knew it.

“I did. Leo took me to several ‘less reputable’ places hoping maybe I would find a guy, or a girl, to go home with.” Solas raised an eye brow, though none of the lust defused. “It failed. I had one love,” I stated pulling one bra strap off my shoulder. He was breathing harder then and I watched him stare up at me, the lust tinted with love, with an ownership.

_You’ve been mine for years then?_

“That I have, ma lath,” I stated and he blinked. He’d forgotten I could hear him and grinned as I called him on it.

“Finish.” It was half-growled, but there was a tenderness beside the lust fuming in his bright blue eyes.

_I’ll say that to you later, I’m sure_, I thought as I slid the other bra strap off my arm, then slid my hand between the bra and my body and pulled it over my head. It caused my breasts to bounce lightly as they were released and I watched him exhale hard a moment before forcing himself to breathe as I tossed the bra over on the pants. “Should I leave the last on?” I asked smiling down at him. The glare he threw up at me was nothing short of barely contained desire. “For your viewing pleasure?”

“Off,” he growled between clenched teeth. I smiled at him as I slowly lowered myself so my knees were by his chest. I felt his chest heaving in breathes then as my calves pressed against him.

“Would you like to know the best things about these specific panties, Vhenan?” I asked as I took his hand in mine and slid it over my thigh. It was stretching his will to keep from responding, I could feel his resistance as I slowly pulled his hand over my ass and between. “There is so little cloth there,” I said as I leaned up on my knees, placing my lips by his ear. “They don’t have to come off.” It was a whisper; I’d meant to pizzicato that nerve. I had not anticipated his right hand grabbing the back of my neck as his left plundered past that little piece of cloth. I gasped up against him. I could feel my nipples pressing against his skin as he played.

For those moments, I had forgotten that I was not the violin master between us, and he was quick to reeducate me on it. I clung to his shoulders as he played havoc on my nerves.

“Solas,” I gasped. My squirming did me little good. He may be on his back, but he was in complete control. His grip on the back of my neck held me pinned to him as he plucked the strings that made me soar higher.

I collapsed shaking against him after the third time, heaving breathes, trying to clear my thoughts enough to speak, but he wasn’t finished. He tucked me to him and rolled so he was over me. Already between my legs as he was, it was an easy effort. I couldn’t have stopped him anyway. My legs felt like I was leaning on memory foam bones. I looked up at him as he leaned up to tear his tunic and shirt off. He looked down at me briefly with that arrogant smile and I felt my muscles squeeze tighter as he trailed his hands down over my breasts, taking only enough time to squeeze each gently once before descending to the lace sides of my thong.

“I disagree,” he stated. I suppose the fact that he’d seen me pull multiple version of that from the Fade might have helped, if he thought about it all, but the cloth came away from my body in one movement that I barely had time to feel before his lips lowered to me and his hand pinned my stomach to the ground against my squirming.

He had me screaming against the pleasure, begging him before he relinquished his conquest. He rose and licked his shining lips, grinning down at me. “Shall we try for another song, Vhenan?” He asked with that arrogant grin as he slid a finger into me. I moaned then and tried to gasp it back. “Oh, Athena. By now you should know,” he said leaning over me. Just as he was above kissing me, he spoke again. “You cannot hide from me.” He kissed me hard then and slid a second finger in. As moaned up into his mouth, his tongue slid between willing lips and my hips ground up against his palm.

Seemingly hours later, he removed his hand a moment, only to replace the pressure. I screamed as he entered me, my tightness too much for me to resist as I clung to his shoulders. I was crying his name repeatedly as he kissed down my neck and over my collar bone. He thrust into me again as he pulled my nipple into his mouth and nibbled between his teeth.

Vengeance was his for this one, as he coaxed orgasm after orgasm from me. Keeping himself from it, keeping me from his for what seemed hours of flipping positions, learning all manner of new ways he could reach even deeper into me, could make me come that much hard with a touch here or squeezing there. My mind was a mess of pleasure-filled mush as he finally lost himself and buried his cock hilt deep in me. The throbbing sensation was the end of all I could take. He eased out of me and I lay gasping for breath a moment. My body seemed so alive with sensation, but my mind drifted off to sleep then.

I woke later, wrapped in his arms, in his bed. _Our bed,_ I amended. _I’m his lover. This is our bed,_ I thought as I snuggled back against him. He mumbled softly and tightened his arm around my waist. _There aren’t words that actually describe how happy you make me, my Solas, how very content I am just to lay here in your arms._ I wrapped my arm around his and sighed as I snuggled down against the pillows and his warmth. _A bit more sleep won’t hurt_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
Ar lath = I love you  
Ansul = Why  
Atishan = Easy, be at peace  
Ar nuvenan ma sul bellanaris= I want you for eternity.


	10. Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Words will always be sharper than swords, and Athena knew that as learned more of her body, and had to instruct the Inquisition safely without revealing too much that she would be dancing on a thousand dagger tips, each poised to rip the only thing that mattered away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story contains massive spoilers for the game. Please note, that if you are reading, I take no responsibility for ruining game plot you haven't gotten to yet.  
Also, I use multiple songs within the story. I do not claim ownership to these songs. All copyrights belong to the original authors. (I'm just a huge fan :P)

Chapter 10: Decisions

[[[He’d seen it when they’d arrived here with the Inquisition and he couldn’t get the images from his mind, so he set to work. He’d woken some time ago. She was sleeping so peacefully, he hadn’t had the heart to wake her, despite his desire to have her again.

He grinned as he remembered the argument with himself before he rose and dressed. He ascended to the rotunda and began his work. This was one thing he would never use magic for; he enjoyed the motions too much for that. Josephine had come through with _everything_ he’d requested. The palette and paints had probably puzzled her for a while, but she would learn why later. He began mixing colors then after rolling sleeves back behind his elbows.]]]

The bed was empty when I woke next and I sighed. I could still smell him on the pillows and that made me smile. My stomach hurt a little, but I had done a lot of half-crunches last night and that thought got me chuckling. I rolled over on the bed and looked up at the curtains. He must have closed them when he’d left this morning as they were open before. _Looking after me_, I thought briefly before I rose. I was stiff and giggled as I remembered his statement about men failing. I looked at my clothing, but I really didn’t feel like wearing my riding gear today, so I folded them up and put them in my corner.

I stared at the corner a moment. Probably wouldn’t hurt to go ahead and create a dresser to keep things in. I pulled fresh panties from the Fade first. Some things are just harder to concentrate on when your breasts aren’t secure and you’re not covered at all. That and a pair of loose-fit, soft sweatpants and I set to work.

I knew I would have to pull on the Veil to pull this one off so I sent him an apology first, then set to work. I twisted the Fade around in front of me and formed the dresser I wanted, willing the cherry wood to shift and form and flatten and align. Finally I released the heavy breath and the clunk against the hard floor as I opened my eyes made me smile. I’d started it high, but it was sturdy, as most cherry wood is and it had that scent. I smiled as I reached forward and pulled the drawer out by the single hanging latch. I had gone a bit ‘Fereldan’ with the style, though it was too obviously wolves, not dogs that lined the edges and it was dragon heads that held the hanging half loop to open each drawer.

_Can we say, archaic?_ I asked myself as I grinned at it. The effort was complete though and each drawer contained series of things I would normally wear and some that were strictly Thedas-based. Today, I wanted to look ‘elfy’ as Sera would call it, so I pulled on the robes of the Keeper and laughed at how I must look.

Firstly, Keepers were almost always men, so the trousers on a body that did not require ‘codpiece’ was slightly amusing. The double belt was easy enough to understand and apply and the boots and gauntlets amused me to apply. They only defended one way and that on its own made me giggle. Not very practical from a battle stand point, but then most keepers could form a barrier to protect themselves so the armor really was more for show than anything.

The multilayered shirts were appreciated though, as the cold here was ridicules. The first shirt, turtle neck, I squirmed in that for a moment before I settled the choker-like necklace about it. The feeling half reminded me of him choking me and I felt my body warm to it. I had to stop myself from reaching down between my legs.

_ I don’t imagine he’d care much to find you doing that_, I told myself as I slid into the second shirt. Open to the navel but long sleeved, on a man it didn’t do much, but on me…It would draw immediate attention to my…special qualities.

I blushed hard for a moment before I grabbed the tunic over-coat and slid it over the sleeves of the second shirt. I’d always liked this over-coat as it reminded me of watching waves crash against the shore. I willed the fabric move and it did, so the ‘waves’ of it continued to flow from the shoulder to my knees. I grinned then. The other thing I’d fixed, as I absolutely hated how the game had colored everything was the color lay out.

If a blind man with a deaf dog tried to describe the colors of the outfit that EA had put into the game, he’d have done it better justice. _Besides,_ I told myself as I looked myself over in his polished steel, I never have looked good in orange. The undershirt I’d colored midnight blue and the second shirt was brilliant white. The over-coat had white waves crashing down a royal blue base and the hides used for my belt, boots and bracers were champagne colored cow hide, almost white-grey. The midnight blue trousers just finished the ensemble. I was no fashionista, but I liked how I looked and I smiled as I began my nearly quiet journey up the stairs.

I could hear noises as I approached the top, noises I couldn’t immediately place, so my pace slowed and I moved ever more silently. I reached the door and peered around only to smile. Solas’ back was to me, to the door, as his hands stroked long dedicated lines into the walls. He was lost in his work and all I could do was smile as I watched. I knew the pattern he drew, the patterns he would paint across the entire room, but watching him as he worked at it was, beautiful. The man truly had no reserve for his art work. He was amazing to watch; swift and precise and graceful.

_And he loves me_. He froze then and turned and I giggled. I had thought it was only a saying but apparently all master artists are marked with their work before the end and he had a maroon smear on his cheek. I padded over to him as his eyes took in my attire.

“Interesting choice,” he said as I stopped a hand away.

I lifted my hand to his cheek and attempted to lift the paint only to find it was oil base and it stuck to me as much as him. I giggled again. I couldn’t help it as he looked shocked a moment and then smiled at me.

“Hadn’t realized I’d gotten any there.” I smiled up at him.

_I kind of figured that. _I couldn’t help but just smile up at him. _Gods, but I love him so._ He smiled back down at me.

“That feeling, Vhenan, is entirely mutual,” he stated as he leaned down and kissed me, purposely keeping his hands out to the sides. I heard a drop of paint hit the floor and looked over. Of course Solas would line the floor with water proof side of a goat skin. I chuckled and smiled up at him.

“I’ll leave you to your work, ma lath,” I said as I stepped away.

“Where,” he began and I smiled at him.

“If it’s not snowing, I’d like to ascend to the battlements for a few hours,” I stated and he looked worried at me. “If it is, I will wander and examine. I have my own vested interest in keeping parts of the Inquisition going as it should.” He smiled then.

_Promise me you be careful_.

I smiled and took his face in my hands. “While I walk these halls, I am the safest I could be. Besides,” I added and kissed him quickly. “Your spies aren’t _that _good.” He looked shocked a moment then grinned.

_Of course you’d find them; you already knew who they were._ I smiled up at him. “I’ll find you before sunset, ma lath. Enjoy,” I told him as I released him and stepped back.

“You knew, about this?” I nodded.

“I know how much you love to paint. I know that given the choice you’d rather paint than fight, but you weren’t really given the choice. So enjoy the painting, ma vhenan. We’ll deal with the fighting later.” He smiled gently down at me and I turned and left. I exited out into the main hall and looked around. Given how many people were in there, I began to lose hope I would be able to sing today.

What drew my attention to the corner I couldn’t say, but I looked over as Varric looked up from his paperwork and he grinned his cocky smile and gestured me over. I smiled and walked to him. I inclined my head in a half bow to him as I stopped by the table. There was no point in my voice here. No one out here could understand a word I said anyway.

“Good morning, Kitten. Sleep well?” I nodded and lifted my eye brows to him. “Moderately well,” he answered. I splayed my hands out over his desk/table in front of us. “Always more paper work,” he stated. I sighed then and looked about. I found a quill and lifted it looking over at him. He grinned and found me a blank parchment after a moment. I tried to sketch a scroll then. “Mail?” he asked. I shook my head.

“She wants to request something from you, well from Josephine,” Cole said confusing himself.

“Something from Josephine? What could I get from Josephine for you, Kitten?” He asked on a laugh.

I sketched a stack of papers then and beside it a quick sketch of more quills and looked up at him.

“You want ink and parchment?” I nodded. He grinned. “Tell you what, Kitten. A favor for a favor: I’ll get you all the ink and parchment you want.” I cocked my head then to him in question. “Draw me.” I grinned and nodded once. I lifted my shoulders then.

“She wants to know when? When do you want her to sketch you?” I smiled at Cole and he disappeared.

“Got plans for the morning?” he asked. I reached over and pulled another paper out and sat on the bench by his table, gesturing for him to sit as well. He grinned and sat down. “You need me to hold still or anything?” I shook my head and began and he chuckled before returning to his paper work. I could hear others move around us a few times but I blocked them out and focused on drawing. I only had to look up at him a few times to work out the differences between game-Varric and real-Varric for my sketch.

For lack of a pen or pencil, I chewed my bottom lip repeatedly as I curved lines and sketched light cross-hatching for shadow. Sitting before the fire did create interesting shadows across his face; it also brought out the small scar on his right cheek and the fact that he had broken his nose, repeatedly by the look of it. Still the laugh lines of a man that has spent most of his life pasting a smile on his face and weary eyes.

I paused as I reached the end, looking down at my product. I didn’t like it. Quills just didn’t have the finite balance I was used to with my pencils and inking pens. He seemed to smile back out of the drawing though and it was then that I jumped.

“That’s wonderful, darling.” I came off the seat to Vivienne’s voice behind me and probably would have fallen over into the fire, had Cole not appeared and caught me and the drawing. “I didn’t mean to frighten you, dear,” she said half-offended. I shook my head as I got my breathing back under control and got myself reseated.

I touched my temples twice then laid my hand on the parchment in my other hand.

“Lost yourself in work; happens to the best of us. May I?” Varric asked. I handed it over and he whistled. “Damn. He’s almost handsome enough to marry.” The room burst into laughter then. “Most don’t put the nose in though,” he said looking up at me. I shrugged and tapped my nose then closed my fist to tap over my heart twice. He grinned. “I suppose it does fit as a badge of courage.” He smiled and laid it out on the table for everyone else to paw at. “A deal is a deal, Kitten. I’ll have you supplies by tomorrow.”

“What deal?”  
“I want a drawing.”  
“Can she do one of me?”  
“I want one of the Spymaster.”

I shook my head and rose. Only one hand tried to touch me. Considering position and strength, I believe—now—that they had only meant to have me sit back down, but there was only one set of hands in Skyhold I would permit to touch me and they all found that out quickly as the hand on my shoulder twisted up quickly behind the owners back and the face of the offending guard was slammed into Varric’s table. The squabbling ceased quickly then as I hissed down at him.

“Do not ever assume you have the right to touch me.”

“She doesn’t want to be touched,” Cole said kindly and blinked at me. I released the guard and strode through the crowd that now opened before me. The doors were closed again. Cole appeared before me and shook his head. “You shouldn’t be outside right now.”

“Move.”

“I’ll take you to the tower up there. Just promise you’ll stay inside.” He was learning from Solas and Varric already. I nodded and he reached out and suddenly I was outside. I breathed a steadying breath. If I hadn’t gotten away from them shortly, I would have ended up doing something significantly worse than breaking an idiots jaw over sturdy ironwood.

[[[“Apostate.” Solas groaned silently. He would give plenty enough to educate this pompous fool on just how much, not-apostate he really was, but he schooled his composure and lifted his head. The section of the wall was finished, merely drying so he sat at the desk reading over the reports on the shards of the Hinterlands.

“Yes, Enchanter?”

She entered and looked about. “The smell leaves a bit to be desired,” she stated briefly. As he did not rise to the bait, she commented, “Suppose you could teach your _beast_ some manners.” It took more of his will not to respond to that one but he managed not to begin heaving angry breaths against the effort even though it took a significant effort.

“I’m afraid I must apologize, Enchanter as I am unsure of what you mean.”

“Your beast, the dragon-girl,” Vivienne stated as if that should make everything clear. He raised an eyebrow to her. “She nearly killed the guard in the main hall.”

He knew his expression flinched then.

“Perhaps you could teach her there are politer ways to tell someone not to touch you.”

He couldn’t stop it, he grinned then.

“Does her outburst somehow amuse you, apostate?”

He cleared his expression and smiled at Vivienne. “I will address the situation with her. Where is she now?” he asked politely.

“Maker only knows,” Vivienne scoffed. “That _demon_ touched her and she vanished.”

_Likely down with her halla then_.

“No,” Cole said from beside him. “She insisted,” Cole said apologetically. “But she did promise to stay there, not to wander in the snow.”

“Ugh.” With that Vivienne left the room.

“Where, Cole?” Solas asked kindly.

“The tower. She was very angry and had to get away.” Solas sighed.

“Can you show me what happened, Cole?” Cole nodded and held out his hand. Solas accepted it and suddenly he was watching from the rafters as she sketched the image before her at Varric’s desk. Solas’ stomach tightened briefly but he forced himself to ignore the brief pangs of jealousy and the irrational thought that it should have been with him, his desk. Others began crowding around her and Cole stepped closer as he watched her chew her lip, the tiny ink smudge on her chin. Solas smiled softly as he watched her, then watched as Cole looked up. There had to be at least thirty of them crowded around that table staring at her drawing. But she didn’t notice. Cole’s thoughts echoing her thoughts as she drew proved she didn’t even realize they were there. She’d lost herself in her drawing until she held it out to look at it and Vivienne spoke. She jumped up off the bench and stumbled back. Solas’ heart tripled cadence then for a moment, until he realized the vision had shifted. Cole had stopped her from falling into the fire and was helping her up. Solas heaved a breath, though he was breathing roughly. Cole/Solas watched as she handed Varric the scroll and the debate started on Varric’s response. He watched as the one guard laid a single hand on her shoulder and time slowed swiftly then for the vision as her eyes came wide and she spun under the hand, grabbing and twisting it up behind the guards back before she slammed him with what had to be all her might, face-first into the edge of the table. The sickening crack of the jaw bone coming loose echoed in the hall and she hissed at him.

“Do not ever assume you have the right to touch me.” Cole paraphrased for her then and she kicked the body away from her and marched towards the door.

_No. It’s still snowing. She can’t die_. Then Cole was watching her walk towards him and he shook his head.

Solas pulled his hand away then.

“Thank you, Cole.” Solas nodded. She had only reacted. There was no way they could make that out to be anything more than it was. “I’ll go see her.”

“Don’t,” Cole said and Solas paused to look back at him. “Not yet. She needs to be alone. Seething, scathing, stupid shemlins, should have killed him. Assuming to touch what is not theirs. I could have, I would have killed every last one of them. They deserve no less. Not yet, not yet. Calmly now, not yet.” Solas touched his shoulder and smiled.

“I’ll give her some time then first.”

“I’ll ask her to sing. It helped before.”

“I would like that, Cole,” Solas stated. He wouldn’t add that he would like to be present for the singing but she needed to be away, to have her own time. It was something he only too well understood.

Cole grinned and disappeared. Solas sank back down in his seat.

_Take all the time you need, my Heart_. He thought it as hard as he could, hoping she’d hear him.]]]

I couldn’t sing, not at first. I stood in that solitary tower fuming, feeling the heat blast off my skin around me in visible waves. _Control, control. Don’t need to change. Should have fucking killed the little shit. But,_ I drew in a deep breath and held it a moment before I sighed. _He was just trying to stop you. Idiot had no right to touch, but he was just trying to stop._ I growled out another sigh and closed my eyes. _Think of something else, need to think of something else._ I brought his painting to mind and it made me smile, a little. The image of his work after in the games was nowhere near as impressive as watching him construct it. Still fuming after a few moments, I let the image go. I needed something else, something stronger to break my anger against.

“Sing?” Cole appeared beside me. “I’ll sing with you if you want.” I smiled at him. Even his blue-sky gaze though couldn’t temper my anger. I nodded.

_Singing, singing should help; usually does. _I sighed and tried to find my voice, find the song I wanted. I smiled at my choice as it hit me. Coheed and Cambria was always appropriate to angry singing and generally made me feel better by the end, so I started. These were not songs Cole would have cared for but I needed to sing for me today. Cole smiled and disappeared. He knew that. _Thank you, Cole_, I thought as I began. I could hear the electric guitar start through my head and I began ‘Welcome Home’. It was probably my second favorite Coheed song so it wasn’t like I had to stretch to remember the words.

I sang to the fire before me and poured my fear and frustration into the song. It was a wonderfully angry song that seemed fitting to vent to and briefly I again wondered if that hadn’t been the artist’s idea when writing it. I knew better. All of the Coheed songs were made to fit the comic the artist had drawn. It was his story and he created the songs to go with it. It had always been an inspiration for me, but I would never assume I would be that good, in drawing or singing. I reached the end of the song and decided to go with my favorite Coheed song before changing to something else. ‘Crossing the Frame’ was actually angrier but usually made me grin by the end of it.

I smiled down at the fire as I finished. Cole appeared then. “Will you sing for me now?” I smiled and touched his cool cheek.

I nodded, “Yes, Cole. I will sing for you now.”

He grinned.

“Did you want your lullabies?”

“The snow and bears?” I smiled.

“Dancing bear, Painted wings, Things I almost remember,” I began. I knew which song he wanted and I loved it too.

I sang for him for most the morning. By mid-afternoon, the snow let up and I went back to walking the battlements as I sang. The sun came out and was glaring bright off the fresh snow. Much like Old-man Kelly’s ranch, we were in the basin of the mountains, and the snow on the grounds melted in a few hours. I loved living in the mountains. A half meter of snow in the morning and clear ground by sundown.

The robes of the keeper were a little chill for the winds but Cole only let that slide for one song before he arrived with my cloak, which I obediently applied to my shoulders. It was then that I looked down and smiled. _Finally._

[[[The snow let up and several people escaped the hall. Children went out to jump and play in it while it lasted and parents stood nearby to watch and tend damages as needed. Several others were out and ‘testing the fresh air’, Adaar among them. He wandered down to the lower courtyard and ultimately out to the main gate of Skyhold.

“ ‘Afternoon, Herald,” the guards greeted.

“Gentlemen. How’s the watch?”

The one chuckled. “Cold but clear. We’re all still a little nervous. How do you think we are going to handle if that dragon comes back?” Adaar placed a hand on his shoulder and smiled down at him.

“We’re fighters. We take the battle to it,” he said with a grin.

“Wish I were half as brave as you, Herald.”

“Eh, comes with the horns,” Adaar jested and both guards laughed then as everyone knew he spent hours each week filing his horns back down and with no small degree of pain.

“Still, Maker blessed us when he sent you.” Adaar shrugged.

“I’m still not all that comfortable with it, to be honest,” he admitted. “I don’t know your Maker. I just knew there was trouble and I excel at fixing trouble so,” he shrugged and both guards grinned.

“Herald?” Cassandra called from the bottom of the stairs.

Adaar swallowed hard and gave a guilty grin to the guards. “I’m in trouble.” They both chuckled as he walked off. He stopped a bit from her and bowed. “Seeker.”

“Come with me?” He nodded and followed, purposely keeping his eyes anywhere but her. “More people are arriving weekly. Skyhold is becoming a pilgrimage for many,” she began as they started back up the steps. “If word has reached these people though, it will have reached the Elder One as well. We have the walls and numbers to put up a fight here, but this threat is far beyond the war we had originally anticipated.” She stopped and sighed for a moment before pressing on. _I’m almost sorry to saddle him with this, but it is necessary._ They reached the inner courtyard as she said, “But we now know what allowed you to stand against Corephyeus; what drew him to you.”

“This isn’t about me being divinely-touched again, is it?” Adaar asked on a groan.

“I won’t ask you to believe. Whether it is true or not, that’s not why _we_ are here now. You’re decisions let us heal the sky. _Your_ determination lead us from Haven safely. You are the creatures rival because of what _you_ did. And we know it; all of us,” she stated as she lead him up the steps toward the main hall. “The Inquisition requires a leader; the one who has _already_ been leading it,” she stated. Adaar looked up to see Leliana standing on the parapet holding a finely crafted blade. It looked to at least be a long sword. Momentarily, Adaar prayed that he would not have to face Leliana with that thing. She was a bit too renowned with her blades to want to test his luck. A dragon was one thing but the nightingale, that was completely another. “You,” Cassandra finished turning to him and he blinked down at her.

“I don’t think I heard you right, Seeker. You want a qunari, to be your Inquisitor?” He could feel the eyes on him as all outside seemed to stop and stare up at them. He swallowed hard as he stared down into the honey-eyed woman before him. He’d pay anything to have a different reason to meet her gaze.

She smiled. “We want to make official what is already the case.”

“But,” he began. “our history-”

“I am aware of how it looks,” she said looking down a moment. She had been worried he might not accept but his reasons seem more based on the good of the Inquisition, as they had always been. “But you are not your people,” she said meeting his eyes again, firm and sure that she had made the right choice, “you are an individual. Perhaps that is a part of your strength,” Cassandra said and gestured to Leliana who held the blade across her chest as if offering it to him. Adaar felt his heart pounding in his throat and tried to swallow that knot again. “Without you, there would be no Inquisition. We all must accept that. But how you will lead, that is entirely up to you.” Adaar shook slightly as he extended his hand to the blade, watching Leliana closely. Leliana smiled up at him and that made him even more nervous.

He lifted the blade then and she stepped back, inclining her head to him. “If this is the will of the Council,” he began as he looked back over at Cassandra.

“It is.” Adaar swallowed hard and straightened his posture a little more as he looked out over the people looking up at him. A few from the main hall stood in the door to watch.

“Then I will lead us, with the honor and honesty of Shokrakar.” He drew a deep breath and glared out as his lip curled back. _If these are my people, then I will protect them, as Shok protected me._ “We stick it to Corephyeus.” Leliana coughed to conceal her laugh and Cassandra stepped up beside him with a smile. _That, right there, Seeker, is worth fighting this would-be god myself,_ he told her in his head.

“However you lead us,” she began and called out. Only then did Adaar realize Josephine was among the people in the lower courtyard. “Have our people been told?”

“They have,” Josephine called back. “And soon, the world.”

Then Cassandra turned to the Tower over the western wall that Cullen had claimed as his base of operations. Cullen stood on the battlement there. “Commander, will they follow?”

He called down and his soldiers joined in the answers across the walls. “Inquisition: Will you follow?”

“Yeah.”  
“Will we fight?”

“Yeah.”

“Will we triumph?”

“YEAH!”

“Your Herald, Your Inquisitor!” The ground shook then as all around Skyhold seemed joined in the cheer to follow the moment that Adaar raised the blade.

As the cry reached its crescendo, a blast of a roar was heard over it all. Eyes turned to the eastern battlements, there in her billowing cloak, stood the raven-haired elf, smiling down at him. Adaar swallowed again. The elf nodded to him then and he bowed slightly. As he stood, he whispered, “She still scares me though.”

Leliana struggled not to burst into giggles.

“It would be a fool of a man not to be at least a little frightened of a dragon,” Cassandra stated as she stepped up beside him. The elf inclined her head then and Cassandra bowed then turned to the crowd. “It would seem we’ve pleased the dragon.” All cheered then and Adaar breathed a sigh of relief as the elf turned and began her walk back to the tower. Josephine ascending the stairs before him drew his attention back.

“There are things that will need to be concluded, Inquisitor,” she began and he groaned and slumped. Cassandra’s chuckle straightened his shoulders, but could not fix his expression.

“Very well, Ambassador. Let’s get this over with.”

“We will all have questions as to direction. Perhaps we should take this to _your_ War Chamber,” Cassandra suggested. He looked back at her curiously.

_It is mine now, isn’t it? All of Skyhold is mine?_ He felt a little nauseated at the thought for a moment. _It’s okay, Adaar. We’ll just treat it like a large camp. We can handle this. Just breathe._ He drew in a deep breath and nodded. “That, sounds wise, Seeker. Please lead the way.” She chuckled and began the final ascent to the Main hall. ]]]

I saw them gathering around him below as the sun was just beginning to set. The air was already cold and chilling faster by the moment. I probably should have gone inside, but this was a moment to stay for, to watch happen and be certain. I needed to be certain.

I watched as he attempted argument with the Seeker briefly. When her chin set, I knew it was over. She’d won. Then his hand reached out for the blade and joy shot through my veins. It was happening as it should. My presence hadn’t disrupted this important event.

_ Excellent_.

I heard the cries from Cassandra and then from Cullen, barely different then the game. I’d loved this scene then, but now I had personal interest in it and it made my heart swell. The exhilaration made the dragon soar through my will and I tilted my head back to release her roar skyward.

When all turned to me, I nodded down to the little qunari boy who was trying to be a man. He bowed and the Seeker stepped up next to him to bow as well. The wind stung my face and hands as I looked down at them a moment, so I turned and stepped back inside. The fire would be needed.

I stepped back into the tower, but though I could feel there was a difference in temperature from outside, it wouldn’t absorb, as if the cold on me was expelling the warmth from my skin.

I stretched toward the fire, but even nearly on top of it, the cold echoed and ached through my hands and up my arms. Even the air hurt as I tried to breathe it down. I only really began to panic as it became harder to get air down. _Cole!_

Cole appeared beside me and suddenly I was stretched out by the fire in Solas’ room. The fire had gone out though. Cole disappeared and I shivered in the dark, gulping down breathes as my body folded in against the stinging cold pain through my chest. I could feel myself drifting. I knew sleep was a bad idea, but it hurt so much and the shivering made it worse. _Solas_.

[[[“You must come,” Cole nearly shouted as he appeared in the rotunda. The book forgotten, Solas dropped it on his desk. He would never fully understand why he knew, maybe the way Cole had appeared by the door to the hallway, maybe his link to her, but he fade-stepped straight down to the room. A quick glance at the convulsing ball on the floor and he threw fire into the fire place and reached for the furs, tucking them around her, straightening her limbs and pulling her in against him. Cole heaped another fur over his shoulders as he began rubbing her face. She was already near frozen.

_Solas_.

Her thoughts came to him in a whisper and he ground his teeth. _Foolish. Stupid. _“You should have come back inside,” he growled down at the half-asleep form and continued rubbing over her face and ears and hands.

_Solas._

He bit back the pain of the thought that followed and willed small portions of heat into her. He needed to keep his mind straight, needed to focus. Too much heat and he’d burn her alive. She was shivering to a point of convulsing and her lungs were trying to freeze up as she struggled even half-asleep to get air down. She was in desperate shape. _Stupid, foolish girl. Why would you stay out there? I don’t know if…_

He could fix this, solve it in a moment. He could expel the cold from her, but…

“You can,” Cole told him. “They won’t see. I’ll make sure they don’t see.” Cole disappeared then and suddenly he heard the sound of a door slamming up the hallway and half grinned.

This was dangerous. Skyhold was his and was likely to react to his presence. _It’s a decision, a call, and not one I would want to make normally._ He shook his head then, the wolf growling in his own will. _This is no call. Your mate is dying. _Fix_ it._ Solas grinned at himself. Suppose wolves did have rather simpler views on things. His daydreams of showing her the room completed stung a little at the moment and he knew that was his center, his wolf slapping him with them.

Cole reappeared. “Now.”

Solas reached down and took her shivering face in his hands a moment. “Ir abelas, Vhenan. This may hurt.” He drew from his will then. He did not syphon gently as he did for other magics, but yanked it open and for a moment his eyes from lid to lid glowed brilliant blue as he directed that will. She screamed once and began gasping. Her breathing steadied and shaking began to fade almost immediately and Solas blinked a few times to clear the effects. He glanced up at Cole.

“They just think the mountain rumbled. They don’t know.” Solas nodded his thanks then tucked his half-conscious lover in against him as Cole piled furs around them.

Her body heat was slowly returning as he held her there. He wanted to be angry with her for her choice, for staying out, for endangering herself.

“She said it was important. She had to see him become Inquisitor.”

Solas looked up at Cole then.

“Yes. He took the new face a little bit ago.”

Solas sighed and looked down at her, her lips just beginning to lose their lavender shade. “It wasn’t worth your life, Vhenan.” He knew she was unconscious, that she couldn’t hear him, but it needed saying.

_Solas_. Slightly more awake now, though still groggy. He pressed a kiss to her hair and hugged her close.

_Must you scare me like this, my Heart?_

Silence answered for a moment and she began thrashing lightly, as if still trying to fight. He smiled lightly and kissed her head again. _Solas._

He chuckled then. _Am I always on your thoughts like this, my Athena?_

“Yes,” Cole answered and Solas looked up. “She thinks about you almost constantly. My Solas, my life, my world, I would bend and burn others to see him smile. I cannot believe he would ever love me, but neither will I deny the pleasure of having his arms, even if only for a while. Gods please don’t let this end. He is my love, my focus, my heart. Solas.”

_Solas._

Cole smiled down at him. “She loves and it gives her strength, strength to fight.”

Solas smiled back up at him a moment before looking down at her. It appeared as though she were merely sleeping in his arms again and he grinned as he snuggled his cheek against the top of her head. _My Athena._]]]

Warmth, echoing from within and seeping from without as if trying to pincer attack the cold sting across my skin. Warm, strong arms around my shoulders, I smiled faintly as I breathed in. I knew that scent. I snuggled down a little closer and groaned against the light cold that brushed my face as he lifted his head from beside mine. I low-toned whined against his chest as I burrowed closer to his warmth. I felt the rumble of his chuckle through his chest before he lowered his head to snuggle mine. He was so incredibly comfortable to snuggle with.

_You really must stop scaring me like this, my heart._

_ Mm. Solas._ I sighed as I tried to think then and remembered. _I didn’t think it was that bad originally; uncomfortable but…not until I tried to warm myself. Then it started registering._

He snorted. _You really just have no idea as to your own physiology, do you?_

I smiled. _I may have always had the will of a dragon but, until Haven, until here, I had no idea I actually was one._ I sighed and the smile faded. _It’s been getting worse since I dropped in to Thedas at Haven. It’s been getting significantly worse._ I snuggled closer then, in hopes of easing a very different cold. _The stronger my dragon, my will becomes, the worse it seems to be getting. I am her and she is me, but my body is changing._ I shivered. _Truthfully it frightens me._

He chuckled and lifted his head, taking mine in his hands. He stared down at me with that same loving smile I’d know anywhere. “You do not need to be afraid, Vhenan.” He chuckled again. “It is merely a different form of adolescence giving way to maturity.” I smiled at him then.

“So you’re saying I’m being a moody teen?” He chuckled.

“Not truthfully.” He paused to stroke my cheeks with his thumbs as he smiled sadly down at me. “Sadly, Vhenan, it would be easier on you if you were.” I shivered again. “You will change, you will notice it but I think we should spend the evening going over some basics on dragons.”

_On dragons?_ I asked as my mind twisted his words. I wasn’t really interested in a biology lesson at the moment, but I kept my expression clear as I asked.

“You will need to be informed if you are to keep from repeatedly endangering yourself.” It was a bland statement and I shook free of his hands as I rose to my knees between his thighs. He tried to keep the furs tucked around us as I shifted and I smiled at him. I wrapped my arms under the furs behind his neck and kissed him soundly.

As I sat back he quirked that eye brow at me. I grinned at him then. “I’d rather discuss things on wolves,” I stated and purposely pulled each leg carefully over his thighs as the smile on his face shifted into a knowing grin, “like, me.” I leaned down and kissed him then. He grinned into it as his arms closed around behind me, one hand around my back attached to my side and the other around lower gripping into my ass.

_Better way to warm you up anyway_, he agreed as he went to lift me and I snapped my head up and shook my head.

“Uh-uh.” That eye brow again. “Not on dragons. On wolves.” He grinned and leaned back slightly on the furs to grin at me. He was never going to be docile, no matter how well he faked it to the Inquisition. I smiled at him.

“Show me what you want then, Vhenan.” It was a challenge, and from his prone position, it was more than a little arrogant. I smiled and took his hand in mine, placing it on my stomach.

“Touch, taste as you will, lover. But you will not be on me this time. My turn,” I said almost petulantly. He smiled and slid his hand over my stomach, over the top of my thigh as the other hand traced the opposite thigh, both hooking fingers behind my knees.

He smiled up at me. “As I will?” I nodded. “Very well.” I had no chance to react as he pulled me forward. Before I realized what he was about, my knees were on either sides of his pointed ears and the hands that he’d used to pull me forward, held my thighs to my calves as he leaned up.

A strangled gasp escaped me as he pressed against the trousers there. He chuckled then and in a moment, the codpiece was loosened at the bottom and he slid his tongue within. _That’s why women can wear it too. Fuck me, that’s why girls wear it too. Ah. Solas_. I moaned as I felt that expert flick of tongue over that sensitive nub. His fingers massaged into my thighs in intimate little lines and circles as he worked me vigorously with his tongue. My hands gripped his shoulders between his arms and my legs as I clung to him, trying merely to stay up right.

He was never satisfied with one; for a job to be complete, he had to test it at least three times though six was apparently his favorite number. Six, before he allowed his hand to ascend my thigh and slide in where his tongue had been only to lean back and lick the shimmering off his lips as he smiled up at me. “You wanted to discuss things on wolves. What do say to continuing that topic?” He slid a second finger in and I nearly screamed.

_Ah. Solas. Please. So tight. Ah. Fuck me, it’s too tight._

“We can do that too, ma lath,” he purred and slid his hand from my thigh behind me, to do what I didn’t care; I hardly cared about anything beyond that amazing feelings his hands worked through my body. Prone, laid out on his back and he was still master of the room and the instrument in his hands was one he loved and knew well.

“Solas.”

“Yes, Vhenan?”

_Don’t draw this one out. I want you inside me, please. Solas, please, inside me._

He chuckled and slid his torso up so I was nearly sitting on his lap, though he used his other hand to keep me off of it. I whimpered at him over it. He smiled at me as he leaned over me to kiss me. Breaths from our kiss he asked, “What manner of host would I be to ignore such a plea?” He shifted under me a moment and I felt him stretch me and shift the pants down around him as he pushed slowly up into me.

The slow pace touched on my nerves and I squirmed free of his grip and dropped down, impaling my tightness around him.

_Easy, my heart. You should really adjust to the size before taking me in like that. _I twisted my hips slightly and gasped at the amazing and painful feeling. I hadn’t realized I’d been crying until his hands came up to my face to wipe it away. _We can stop if it hurts too much._

_ No._ I twisted and rolled my hips again and whimpered harder against the feeling. _More. _His hands dropped to my hips to keep me from doing it again.

“Athena.” He was worried but I just wanted him, more and deeper. I squeeze him with my muscles there and heard him gasp in breath.

“More.”

There was only so much the wolf would take, I knew that and he buried that need in his kiss then as he thrust up into me. I mewled against him as I clung tight to his strong shoulders, clinging and crying out against him in pleasure time and again.

“Each finger will respond differently,” he was saying as he held my one hand in his, using the thumb of his hand to show me places to pay more attention to. I lay stretched out beside him, well half-over him as I never did get my leg completely back over to me, but he seemed to find it more amusing as he his left arm never left my side. “To avoid the hop that jars your shoulders, you have to position your finger claws like this,” he demonstrated. “They’ll blunt the impact and you’ll settle in one move, instead of three.” We’d already covered how the chill of the snow and wind without the muscle movements of flight would stiffen my body and ultimately freeze my blood quite literally in my veins. We’d been over eating habits; that would need to be seen to. Apparently I had been contributing to my mercurial responses with a lack of meats. It made sense when he said it; dragons are carnivores, so my attempts at bird like eating of grains or small sweet snacks, or a single strip of meat here or there on the tables up stairs was causing the dragon to get angrier.

He released my hand and I practiced the position a few times. “It feels like it would throw me off balance,” I mumbled. He chuckled.

“It will make more sense when you are balancing sword-length claws off each finger.”

I smiled up at him and put my hand back down on his chest. “You’ve studied dragons extensively it seems.”

He smiled and laid his hand over mine. “I had a lot of time to,” he stated and I grinned.

_Didn’t think he’d ever need to tell a dragon about themselves though I’d bet_. The grin faded and I looked away again.

“Athena.” I shook my head and tried to smile up at him, but it was a mask and one he looked right through. “You said it yourself; you didn’t know what you were. You needed help.” He lifted my chin and held my gaze there as he asked, “What manner of mate would I be if I didn’t come to your aid when you needed it?” I smiled earnestly then.

_I expect it of myself. I will help, no matter,_ He shook my chin then and glared down at me. “I stand by your side, ma lath. Thick or thin.” He quirked a half-grin.

_Is that your way of trying to paraphrase what I warned you I’d slap out of your mouth?_ I smiled and leaned up to kiss him.

“It is my way of telling you that my resolve has not changed. I love you,” I said and kissed him quickly before shifting up onto my elbow so I could look down into his eyes. “There is _nothing_ I wouldn’t do for you, Solas.”

He propped up as well and cuddled me against him. “Just remember that most things I can do for myself,” he stated as he snuggled me.

I laughed then. _I’m not looking to domesticate the Dread Wolf_. He chuckled then too for a moment but his died out.

_Now there’s a thought I would never have believed would surface_. I leaned back and looked up at him.

_What thought, My Heart?_ His tone worried me slightly as he sounded almost distant. He smiled down at me, shifting his hands from my back to cup my face.

He set his forehead to mine and closed his eyes a moment, just grinning. _Nothing distressing, Athena. Do not worry. I am merely happy._

_ It’s more than that, but you obviously don’t want to talk about it now, so I’ll leave it be._ He chuckled. _Of course I noticed, you silly wolf. I love you enough to pay attention, but as I said, you obviously don’t want to discuss it, so we’ll leave it here…for now. _He chuckled again and opened his eyes to smile down at me.

“You don’t believe I’m happy?”

“I don’t believe that ‘happy’ was the thought you ‘would never believe would surface’.” He smiled.

_Perhaps not, but I am, all the same._

I smiled back. “If I can grant you even a degree of the happiness you give me, ma lath, then I am grateful.” He shook his head and kissed me briefly.

“It is I that should be grateful, Vhenan.”

“Differing perspectives.” He grinned down at me.

“Using my words against me? That’s not very nice, Vhenan.” I smiled and leaned up to kiss him but I purposely stopped out of range. As his eyes opened then I spoke.

“I never claimed to be a ‘nice Vhenan’.” He smiled and pulled me the rest of the way. _Note: when teasing that way, make sure teasee does not already have hold of your head._ He could only kiss me for a moment before he began laughing.

“Indeed,” he finally replied still chuckling.

I loved listening to him laugh. _Down here, I could almost forget the world above_. I sighed then squeezed my eyes shut. _No amount of wishful thinking will change it. A few days, tops._

“Until what, Vhenan?” I opened my eyes to meet his, his worried gaze. I tried to smile up at him as I placed my hands over his.

“Not what you’re thinking, ma lath. We have a few day, but,” I trailed off looking over at the fire. “Stroud will need to be found soon, and following your departure for that it is unlikely I will see you again for at least a few months.” I could feel his muscles tighten through his body. “There is nothing for it, Vhenan. Adaar will need your guidance and I am still trying to build my power.” I shrugged. “Sure I could clean this entire area of Inquisition heads if they ever tried to make me Tranquil, but that won’t be enough, and I know it.”

He pulled me in tight against him then. I could feel the tiny shivers through him and I snuggled close.

“I have to-”

“Hush,” he said and kissed the top of my head. _Months? What could keep us away for months?_

“Travel time more than anything,” I stated. He sighed. “Solas.”

“Hush, Vhenan.” He was trying to run from it and I sat back to look up at him.

_Solas._ He tried to look away and I grabbed his face then and made him face me. _There will be a few times like this, times where you must be gone, where I must. That is just as much a part of war as the fighting. It sucks; Gods but it sucks horribly, but it doesn’t change the facts._ He looked so sad staring down at me. _I will be here when you get back, Solas. Like I said, we have a few days for now. No need for us to taint them with worry for the future_. He tried to smile and it came off a little lopsided as it never met his eyes. I sighed and glared at him. _Solas, by all the lights of the Fade, I swear, I will tickle you if don’t drop that sour expression_.

He quirked his eye brow. “Tickle?”

“Yes, tickle. The bodies panic reaction to particular nerves being touched that causes them to burst into laughter, voluntarily or not.”

“I see a few flaws in that plan, Vhenan,” he stated kindly.

“I’m sure you do. But I refuse to spend the time I do have with you moping over the time I won’t have with you. It’s morbid and upsetting.” He smiled sadly at me then. “Solas, I warn you,” he chuckled then and kissed me.

“I merely struggle with the concept, Vhenan.” I raised an eyebrow to him for once. He stroked down my back and snuggled his cheek to mine then. “An entire month without seems, daunting, but multiple months…You place before me a phenomenal task, Vhenan.”

I sat back. “Yes, because I won’t be affected by your absence either?”

He snorted and met my eyes. “Not what I meant.”

“Solas, I had to drug myself to sleep last time. I know the ‘phenomenal task’ laid before you.” He sighed and looked away. “Solas.” It was a warning, and but he took it the wrong way as he released me and went to rise. I snapped the Veil wall and watched as he froze. “Sit down.” I was done playing nice about this. He was so committed to his own fear and loneliness, but I was done.

“You think to command me?” I snapped it again and watched it vibrate across him. He pulled up, straightening his shoulders.

“Solas, I swear if you want to push this I will rip the Veil down like a firecracker.”

“What’s a fire _crack_er?”

I threw the image at him of multiple fire crackers going off at once and he flinched.

“You don’t have the power to do that,” he stated shaking his head. I sighed and set my canines before I glared back up at him.

“Do you want to find out?” I could feel her writhing. I began to pull energy in and he sat before me then on his haunches and I released the energy back out.

I glared at him a moment. “Did you just want my-” I snapped it again and his eyes widened. I’d nearly torn it that time.

“I will shred that thing into so many fine shards, Solas. You are _not_ alone.” He froze to stare down at me. “For millennium you have only had you, but you are _not_ alone.” I grabbed him and pulled him forward to kiss him angrily briefly and I sat him back. “You don’t get to run anymore, ma Lath. You are mine! My love! My choice! When you hurt, when you ache it is my job, my _right_, to help you.” I punched him in the shoulder knocking him onto his butt as I screamed, “How dare you try to take that from me with your selfish loneliness!” He sat shocked a moment. “You are mine,” I stated spacing the words to stress my point. “Mine, as much as I am yours. What? Did you think I wouldn’t care, wouldn’t notice you stepping away to _be alone_ again? How do you think that would feel to watch, Solas?” I stood quickly then and glared down at him “You asked me once to look from the other side, so now I demand you do the same.” I looked down at him for a moment as I felt the pain tug at my mouth and I blinked back the tears. “_When_ you figure it out, come find me.” I turned, but my foot didn’t even come off the floor to walk away before his arms were around my shoulder, his face burying into my hair against my neck.

“Ir abelas,” he whispered into my throat. “I did not think. It had never occurred to me that that would be your thought, your _feelings_ on it.” I went to speak and he hushed me. “No, vhenan. I would no more watch you walk away to fight your tears alone than you would let me.” He kissed the side of my neck then. “Ir abelas, ma vhenan.”

“Solas.” I turned though he barely loosened his arms enough for me to; he would not release me unless I demanded it. I turned and snuggled down into his chest. “I suppose I should keep things like that to myself. It doesn’t do either of us any favors.”

“That’s not true, Vhenan.” He sat up to look down at me and half grinned. “Truthfully I’d like to get a basic timeline from you at some point.

I nodded. “Maybe when you get back from Adamant,” I said sadly.

Solas quirked his brow. “Adamant? Is that where Stroud is?” I chuckled and shook my head.

“No, ma lath.” He cocked his head. “You will see. It is not something to begin the journey with.” I sighed.

“Something more is bothering you, Athena.” It wasn’t a question.

“Yes,” I finally said. “You,” I swallowed and snuggled under his chin. “I would save you suffering, but there is a part of your journey to come,” I sighed again. “Be very careful, ma lath.”

“Athena.”

“I know I am being vague. I,” I tried to look away to the side, to the fire, to anything and I felt my body begin trembling. “I cannot reveal over much or things that _must_ happen won’t. Adamant is a dangerous place, Vhenan.” I clung tighter to him then and he passed a hand by my hair down my back. “Please be careful.”

He held me there a moment. _I understand._ He sighed. _She cannot try to protect me from something that is coming at Adamant. I’ll send a few_-

“That won’t do you any good, ma lath.”

He cocked his head then smiled. “Listening to my thoughts again?”

“Your scouts and agents can do nothing to stop what’s coming. You’d be better to pull them all out, as far away from Adamant as you can justify.”  
He released me and took my shoulders, setting me back. He went to meet my eyes but I looked away. “Athena.”

“You’ll return,” I promised and wet my lips. “Please don’t ask.”

He sat silently for several minutes. “You can’t tell me, can you?” he asked. I shook my head, but I couldn’t meet his eyes; I didn’t dare.

“Please.” It was whispered and desperate. I didn’t dare meet his gaze. I would cave. I would damage the events that had to happen and I knew it. He tucked me to him then and held me for a few moments.

“Just promise me I’ll get to hold you again,” he finally said. I nodded into his chest.

“As long as you are cautious with Adamant.” I bit my tongue then. _Couldn’t. No. Be quiet. Bad things, worse things will happen to him. Hush. You mustn’t._

“Atishan, Vhenan,” he urged stroking my hair again. _No more, Athena. I won’t ask. Easy, my Heart._ He kissed into my hair then and merely held me for a while. Finally he asked, “Can you give me a general idea of how long before…before Corephyeus returns?” _Before I can recover my Orb?_

“_We _will recover the Orb, but it’s like I told Leliana. I know events to come, things that must happen, some things that can be avoided without massive determent.” I sighed. _There are so many events yet that I am just not sure how long everything will take. _

“Rough idea,” he suggested. “How many ‘major’ events remain?”

I drew in a breath and started trying to remember. _Stroud in the north to the Western Approach to Adamant. That was always chapter 10. After Adaar returns, the invite for the Winter Palace should be here, but he is off to the Forbidden Oasis first, so the party at the Winter Palace is probably early to late spring. We are obviously in winter here, but that leaves at least a month, maybe two for Chapter 10 and another month to the Forbidden Oasis. But Solas wasn’t with Adaar for the Forbidden Oasis. It was never explained but I assume he ‘made himself scarce’ for that time. _I sighed. _So 11 was Forbidden Oasis and then the Demon that concluded it._

_ Demon?_

I ignored the question and swallowed hard. _Then the Game, Chapter 12 at the Winter Palace. Adaar would _need _him there. The assassination or not will depend on the wisdom of one far better than the qunari boy._ I tried to focus then. _The girl, Briala, will give them the information to search the Empris de Leon and to find Fairbanks in the Emerald Graves. That was chapter 13. 14 was, was, Shit! Come on, Athena. Chapter 14. _I closed my eyes and took a couple deep breaths trying to remember the books themselves. _14 starts, “The armies amassed”-that’s right. 14 is the shocker; 14 is where they go into the Arbor Wilds._ Solas sat straighter then as every muscle seemed to tighten, but I was lost in recounting my book. _Chapter 14 ends with the discoveries about Corephyeus and the rescuing of Morgan’s son. So 15, Chapter 15 is where Corephyeus comes back._ I sighed. _So far, but may be still too close._ I shivered then and he tucked closer. I sighed into his embrace and tried to add it all in my mind. _It was winter in Haven and originally in Skyhold, it was spring by the Winter Palace but it was definitely autumn by the Arbor Wilds, so maybe _“I would hazard that it was, um, will be about six or seven months before. At least,” I amended, “at least six or seven months.” _The trip to Skyhold in the books was only a single page after all._ He chuckled.  
_I may need a better reference. If _ “If I were to get you a map of Thedas, could you show me in what order we’re to go where, more for my own time references.” I nodded.

“Yes. I studied over that map at least a hundred times. I might even be able to pinpoint exactly where you were, should be, ugh.” He chuckled.

“I’ll have the map for you in the morning.” He leaned back and set his forehead to mine. “For now we should probably try to sleep,” he suggested with a smile.

I reached skyward and I would swear I could feel the position of the moon but it felt close to midnight. I nodded, then leaned away as a massive yawn over took me. “Case in point,” I conceded as I turned back to him. He shifted and lifted me across his chest, still draped in furs. I chuckled and clung to him as he walked over to the bed.

He smiled gently down at me as he set me back onto the bed. I couldn’t help but smile. He tucked my hair behind my ear and pulled the furs up to snuggle next to me. I snuggled back against him and felt him kiss the back of my ear and I shivered. “Also tomorrow,” he added, then paused to yawn as well, “we see to improving your eating habits.” I chuckled and let myself drift off against him.

Alright, so note one, regular dreaming, aka dreaming on Earth, WAY different from Fade dreaming. Everything is like Nightmare on Elm Street, only you are both Freddy and his victims. The world shifts around you stupid fast, changing from thought to dream to emotion to thought to memory again so quickly it leaves you breathless for minutes at a time.

I lay forward, just focusing down on the asphalt under me. A moment ago I was holding the still bleeding body of my only friend, my stocky legs supporting his neck, and now I sat on the empty asphalt road around me, no body, no friend, no cars, no thought. Just me and the asphalt. I was heaving in breathes for those minutes and then I saw the boots, the foot wear I would know as quickly as the smile. The shin guards of the Dread Wolf’s armor were distinguishable as I hazarded to lift my head and look at him. Every other time I’d tried to move I’d shifted again, but this time the image held and I saw him looking down at me, his eye brow risen, his hands behind his back. I would have thought it just another memory but for the half-smile across his lips.

“Most do not try to absorb all the knowledge of the Fade in a single night, Vhenan.” I chuckled and tried to lean forward. I was still dizzy and disoriented. His hand slid down under my arms and lifted me. He held me upright until the dizziness faded and I found my feet under me.

“Thank you.” He smiled and stepped back to let his arms fall into their usual position behind his back.

“What do you search the Fade for, Vhenan?”

_He is intimately more familiar with it._ I grinned up at him.

“That I am,” he stated.

I thought for a moment and chuckled. “I suppose the problem is, there wasn’t just one thing I wanted to find.” He chuckled and reached out to take my chin in his hand.

“Prioritize,” he suggested as he noted, _Another that desires all the knowledge they can find. _

I grinned up at him. “I’ll try.” _So what do I want to know most?_ I settled into a sad smile as I looked out across where that thought took us.

Stretched before us were legions of elves dressed as he was now. He gasped and I stepped out of his grip. I wandered around the paused image examining each. Several had fade-scars across their faces and I realized those were the marks of removing the slave-markings, the Vallaslin, from their faces. All were grim-faced as final pieces were being strapped on, final assessments of their blades made.

_This was right before they marched that last day. _I looked about and recognized the great walls around us, though different they were intimately familiar. _Tarasyl’an Tel’as._

“Indeed,” he said sadly and looked over them. _And almost none of my soldiers ever made it home after this._ I stepped up to him and took his face in my hands.

“They knew what they were doing, Solas,” I assured him. He smiled sadly. “Think that if you like, but I studied your history as well. They would have willingly followed you into the depths. Not one of them would regret their choice, or this day.” His sad smile at me then echoed ages of regret.

“But I do.” I smiled at him.

“And that, ma lath, is why they followed you.” He smiled then and leaned down to me. I did not need to explain the correlation to him.

_I will never deserve you, my Heart._ I let him kiss me, though like before with him, I did not encourage it further and he rose to stare down at me.

“I am no more easily distracted than you are, Solas.” I looked out over them again and a sense of pride swelled by me. “They wanted to serve you, as their leader, more than as a would-be God.”

“I never asked for this!” the world shifted around us and we stood in what was now the War Room. One single elf stood with the Solas shouting at her, the dark dread locks swinging to his venting. “I never asked them to follow me! This is my fight!”

“Would you deny them the chance to fight at your side?” she asked calmly. He growled at her and the energy off his body swayed the dreads out behind him as if they were living fur. “If you would not deny them the chance, the right to fight with you, then why all the fuss, Solas?” He turned away then, looking out the window, down at the armies assembling below and swallowed hard as his face contorted from rage to anguish.

“Most of them will not return. I’m taking them to their deaths.” It was a near whisper.

“It is their right to choose that,” she stated and he sighed looking away. “Just as it is mine.” He glared at her a moment then returned his gaze to below. After a few moments, she spoke again. “You’ll have to compose yourself, _Dread Wolf_.” He shivered to the title. “The troops will expect you to lead as heartlessly as you began this.” He shivered again and looked back at her as the anguish returned to anger, but a colder one, a calculated one. She nodded to the window. “They will need to see the Great Hound at the front.” He raised that eye brow, and damn but if he weren’t that much hotter doing it then.

_Kind of glad I didn’t know him then_, I thought briefly as the memory went on.

“Some are afraid, some know they are going to their deaths.” The younger Solas sighed then. “Your presence gives them courage to keep fighting.’

“Leave me to prepare,” he ordered and turned away. She bowed politely to him and left, closing the doors behind her. I wanted to walk to him, to touch, to ease away the anguish that tightened his jaw and furrowed his brow, but a strong arm on my side held me firm.

_Solas._

_ I’m right here, my Heart. This is merely a memory. You can’t ease what is centuries forgotten._

I sighed and leaned back against him then, though I half started for the younger man again as the tears fell. _Solas!_

My Solas nuzzled my neck a moment. _It’s only a memory._ Memory or no, my heart broke to see him there, utterly alone, crying out his frustration that he could not save them, could not protect them from the battle to come. I was ready to look away when the face beside mine nudged me forward. _Watch._ I looked back and the younger Solas drew in breathes as he pulled in those same fibers, stronger and thicker strands binding and coursing around his body as he blinked back the remaining tears.

I heard myself gasp as I watched him launch from that window. Solas released me then as I ran to watch as mid-air those binds tore open and the Great Dread Wolf, nearly the size of Skyhold entire, landed on his feet at the front of the army. A brief shake of his fur and he began marching, the units behind him following in a thunderous beat as they left Skyhold over those arched bridges.

I felt him touch my shoulder and I turned back to him. “Merely a memory, Vhenan.” I took his face in my hands and kissed him hard before I sat back and he smiled at me. “You cannot ease what is centuries forgotten.”

“It is not forgotten,” I argued and glared up at his gentle smile. _I will never forget._ He stroked my face gently then.

“I would not have you suffer for my memories, Vhenan.” I sighed and snuggled close to him, lacing my arms behind his head, nuzzling my head into his neck. He held me for a moment.

_It’s not going to get easier, Solas. Our future holds far worse pains than this._ I sighed and tried to burrow closer then. _Gods, but I’d do anything to save you from that, from what will come._ I breathed a few steadying breaths as the Dragon stirred. _We will do everything to stop that pain from reaching him. That, was already decided._

I gasped then as the memory around us shifted again and I nearly began crying as I clung tight to my Solas.

“Where,” he began, but the words overpowered him.

“You wanted into the Fade so badly!” It was Adaar shouting at the kneeling Corephyeus.

_Solas, no!_ I felt his arms tighten around me as that magic ripped into Adaar’s fist, sheering and sundering the Orb behind him to rip Corephyeus into a thousand pieces. I did cry then. I did not have to see. The Solas of my memories, garbed in that stupid orange Keeper robe knelt before the broken pieces. I did not need to see his face contort in pain as Adaar apologized for not being able to recover it. I did not want to listen to the whispered voice trying desperately to conceal his pain as he told the man it was of no consequence. _Lies! It was of the greatest consequence! It required greater sacrifices, worse thing! Solas!_

“I am here, Vhenan.” I felt him nuzzle against my neck. _She hurts for you, for what may happen to you, to your Orb._ He hugged me closer then. _Have you…_ He smiled as he nuzzled then. _You’ve always been bound to me, my love. Even before, our magics merely sealed what was already there. _He kissed the side of my head and nuzzled down against me. _You don’t have to hurt, to worry, My Heart. I won’t let this happen._

I felt my body burn then, the heat shifting just below my skin as the sting of tears dried fast as a snow flake in a furnace. “No.” It was the dragon that spoke and we leaned back and took his face in our hands. “_I_ will not let this happen.” The images shifted around us then, rewinding in a sense and then the dragon shook her head and all was gone. We stood in his rotunda, the artwork complete and she was smiling up at him. “I won’t let it happen.”

“You did not wish to show me your idea of how to stop it?” he asked raising that brow.

“It is not for now,” the dragon declared. “I will stop it, and your Orb will be safe.” There was no room for another thought there, no doubt, no ‘if’ anywhere. “If my path leads to the Dinan’shiral, I accept.”

“Athena.”  
I straightened my spine and lifted my jaw then. He would see the resolve of the dragon. “I accept _any_ cost to avoid _that.” _She/I grimaced then and the tear I’d been trying to blink back fell. I shook my head vigorously as I declared, “I won’t let them hurt you like that, Solas. I don’t care the cost.” He took my head in his hands and wiped back the tears with his thumbs.

He sighed, and then leaned in to kiss me briefly before snuggling his forehead to mine beside the great skull. “We will find another way,” he said gently. “By what you’ve said,” he opened his eyes to stare down at me, the blue-green shifting to brilliant blue and back, “we have at least half a year.” I nodded lightly against his head. “Then we discuss it in the Unchanging World.” I tried to open my mouth, to shake my head, but he gripped my jaw and I was staring up at him. It was not a glare I met, as I would have expected. Amusement tinted his blue eyes as he spoke to me. “You call me a master tactician in that head of yours,” he began and I grinned. I hadn’t realized he’d heard that. He smiled as well then and slid down for one more quick kiss before finishing. “Then together, we will find a better way to keep it from happening, to keep this from happening.” I sighed then and he shook me slightly and did glare at me then. “You promised.” I blinked up at him. “You promised that if another way could be found,” he began and I smiled up at him and placed my left hand over his just before I snuggled into that palm.

“So I did. With stipulation, but I did.”

His jaw moved a dozen times then as words half formed even in thought attempted to be voiced. Finally he said, “I would rather lose the Orb, than you.” His statement brought the tears back and the memory replayed again.

“It is of no consequence,” the game Solas repeated again and I felt the tears brimming.

“It _is_ of no consequence, not when set by your life, Vhenan.” I stepped away from him, over to the curled figure in orange, beside the man I loved as his heart broke even in his eyes to hold the fragments of his Orb.

I stroked the fingers, frozen in time around the cold black pieces. I leaned my head over him as I tried to hold him. “You do not understand, ma lath.” I sat back and took the cold face in my hands, staring down at the memory. “There is only one other power on this planet that could give you what you will need to tear down the Veil and hopefully enough to allow you to battle them.” I let the tears fall as I curled over and released him. The pain welling in my gut seemed to be ripping at me. “You would,” I coughed to clear my sob-tightened throat, “you would hold her, as once did, except this time it would be your fault and that would hurt you only so much more.” I shook my head then, staring down at the shards. “No.” I surged to my feet then and the dragon blasted to her full height. “I will not watch you hurt like that again.” A moment later the Great Wolf stood before me howling greeting to the dragon.

_I am not saying you should watch it, or allow it to happen._ The dragon growled at him. _I’m merely suggesting we discuss options, weigh through them together._

His words were a cool cloth to my fevered head. “You suggest battle planning?” His wolfish grin made me smile and ache all at once.

He chuckled. “Just so, but you need true rest, Vhenan.” He dropped to lay on the ground raising his head to look at me. “The Fade is doing you no favors this evening. Come lay by me, Vhenan. Give me my dragon.” The words echoed from previously and the dragon settled beside him, careful to fold wings away from his silken black fur. _The hairs heal, my Heart. Hush. Lay with me._

I curled my great neck over his and snuggled his far side then. _There aren’t words._

_ For what, my Heart?_

I smiled groggily and instead of directly answering, I sent him the feeling, the emotions that shift through me as we lay together, contentedly snuggling into the other. He chuckled and tucked his muzzle over my front claws.

_Rest, my love. You need rest._

I snuggled closer as I felt the exhaustion win. _Mm, my Solas._ I dozed off to the sound of his rumbled chuckling.

[[[“Well you never were one for the weak-willed women,” Wisdom’s voice appeared as she settled beside his great muzzle.

“She’s given me quite a bit to think on.”

“Then you should realize that she would destroy _both_ worlds if it gave her a chance to save you.” Solas sighed.

“Her love for me is beyond reason,” he admitted.

“Yes,” Wisdom admitted smiling down at him. He looked up at her incredulously. She was actually grinning at him. “And before you ask, no, it’s not amusement. It is the fact that it takes a love that span is greater than your will or _temperament_ to match you, wolf.” He grimaced and snorted into snuggling with his dragon as she dozed contentedly.

_Did myself _no_ favors there._

“I agree, but you already begin to forget.” His gaze found hers again without moving his head. “Do not take your ire out on the girl that would shift entire cosmos to please you.” He closed his eyes and nuzzled the great neck.

“Why do you say I begin to forget?” he finally asked.

“Because you are angry, at what you saw here. And unlike her, I know your first response for shifting into your wolf form was not to greet and cuddle with her.” Solas could feel the blush to his skin as the fur bristled.

“Is it not something to be angry about?” he asked.

“It is, but if you direct it the wrong way, you won’t have the chance to give case.” His muzzle moved then as his heart tripled cadence.

“What do you mean?” he demanded and she laughed.

“Exactly what you think I mean,” she finally answered.

Solas shook his great head. “She wouldn’t-”

“She would.” He froze staring at his old friend. “She would rip both worlds apart, for the _chance_ to save you. What makes you think she wouldn’t do something as simple as jump to the Fade and find the others herself? Where at the moment, you dare not chase?” The question sent shivers down his entire body and he began heaving breaths in through the great muzzle as he turned to his sleeping dragon.

He looked back at his friend, shaking his great head. “I-I wouldn’t want, I would never,” he began but she pet his muzzle fondly.

“It is not something to panic over, little one,” she stated calmly. He tried to breathe a steadying breath but his heart would not slow.

_Cannot lose her. Please._

“Ease your mind, my friend.” Solas met the grey eyes and she willed him wisdom.

It hadn’t happened yet, it was avoidable, it was something he could prevent if he were just slightly more cautious. He nodded slowly as his heart began to return to natural cadence.

“You warn me to prevent it from happening?” She nodded.

“And this is why I like you, wolf. A hint in the right direction and you find the rest yourself.” He smiled at her. He thought then on what he had seen. “I will discuss with a few others,” Wisdom said and his eyes returned to her. “The girl would dedicate herself entirely to saving you from pain. It would be a poor friend indeed that wouldn’t at least think on possible alternatives to her suicide mission.” He grimaced at the word, though he understood, or he thought he did until, “No, you don’t.” He met her eyes again. Wisdom sighed looking up at him with a grieved expression. “The path she has chosen _will_ guarantee the Orb returned to you without damage to it and it will guarantee the fall of this Corephyeus.” Solas’ muzzled reached out to her and she pat him fondly again. “It will also tear her being, both will and physical, into so many finite shreds.” His head dropped onto Wisdom’s lap then as he heaved in breaths. She urged him up and his great eyes met hers even as they brimmed tears. “I will discuss with several others possible solutions that, if we are fortunate, may save her. That is the goal, as I understand what she does not and what you are only beginning to grasp.” He pleaded a whine up at her.

_Not now, do not tease me with knowledge now. These thoughts are far too painful for that._

She smiled down at him and pet between his great eyes on his nose. “The thing I realize, that several of your other friends have picked up on as well,” he groaned as she dragged it out and she grinned, “the loss of your Orb, or death of Mythal,” he gasped at mention of the name, “would pale beside what would happen to you should your mate die.” He looked back over and snuggled against the great neck laying over him.

_My Athena_. She groaned lightly.

“Do not wake her. It is not for now,” Wisdom said.

“I cannot lose her,” he told his oldest friend.

“I know.” Her smile returned. “That is why it will be discussed. Even your Compassion is in on it.”

_Cole?_

“If that’s what it wants to call itself.”

Cole would be in on trying to save her from such a fate.

“I will let you know when I am certain of what can be done, for now, I would advise you merely keep your eyes open and your mouth shut.” She glared at him with that last one.

He grinned. He knew she did not mean that he should not speak to Athena at all, but to mention that Wisdom may try to interfere in her plans could cause her to respond badly at best. He nodded and snuggled his mate. “Thank you, Wisdom. Our conversations are always enlightening.” She smiled and disappeared. He lay across the great neck for some time before he drifted into sleep himself. ]]]

I woke to movement near the bed. I opened my eyes. Two elves in the dark near his desk. My will came forward and both were suddenly frozen there and then the laughter from behind me and the kiss to my neck. The fire had long gone out and the darkness only made the flashing red lightning constraining my victims more obvious.

“Let them go, Vhenan,” he said on a chuckle. I pulled my will away and they both gasped for breath before turning to the bed. I moved to sit up but he tugged me back to him. “Finish what you were doing, Firi, Ghelya.” I settled back against him though my eyes stayed on the two girls.

“What are they doing here, Solas?” I half-whispered, half-growled. He chuckled and nuzzled down against my neck.

“You will see,” he said and kissed the base of my neck. Despite how that sensation set off reactions across my body I snorted and felt the hot air on the blankets as I realized the dragon did not care for other women in her den. He laughed out right then and sat up to smile down at me. “Every time we speak, Vhenan, I have a lessened opinion on the males of wherever you are from.” He spoke in common and the two elves only glanced over once before he shot them a warning glance and they were quick to finish and leave as he drew my attention back to his face. “I took a good bit of yesterday to set this up. I’d appreciate you not ‘sizzling’ my staff,” he stated using my word and I smiled up at him as I heard them pad upstairs.

“Perhaps next time, just tell me you invited them down here,” I started then added, “and use shemlins.” The growl that came out then was accidental and both eyebrows went up. I shifted and tried to rise but his hands on my head did not move and so neither did I.

_Explain_.

I sighed. “Just let me know in the future that they are here at _your_ request and I won’t ‘sizzle’ them.”

_Try again._ His eyes warned that I wouldn’t be moving until I answered.

“With what?” I asked.

“Why would I use _humans_?” he asked pointedly. I looked down at his wrist and swallowed as my teeth set.

_They’re lucky you stopped me when you did or they may have been ceiling smear._

_Athena._

I looked back up at him as my anger began warming my skin everywhere. His caress would not settle this one. Finally I sighed and lifted my chin to glare at him as I answered, “Call it a known fact that your _attraction_ to shemlin is empty, at best.” He chuckled and leaned down over me with a smile.

“I’m not the only one with an unnecessary jealousy.” He moved to kiss me and I lifted my face away, though that hardly stopped him as he kissed across my cheek. “What was it you told the halla?” He asked between kisses as he gently pulled my hair away from that side of my neck and continued down it. “I would see in time?” It was near the whole of my effort not to moan into his caresses of finger and lips.

_Solas._

“In time, Vhenan,” he whispered as his lips found that tender spot beneath my jaw, “you will see.” He kissed and nibbled and licked down my neck as his spare hands drifted over my shoulder slowly. “There is no need for it.” He nuzzled the soft skin near my voice box and the sensations shot through my body as I began gasping against the tightening muscle.

“Solas.”

_Mine_. With that thought, his teeth cased my throat again and I moaned as my back arched up into his grip as his hand drifted over my breasts, and my stomach.

“Solas.”

_Yes, my heart. Sing for me_, he thought as his hand slipped between tightening thighs.

_Solas!_ He leaned up a moment to smile down at me as he continued to toy with my tightness.

“You asked it of me last night, forgive it of me this morning,” he said as his arms slid under me and lifted me onto him, literally impaling me onto him. I watched his eyes close a moment as he entered me and pressed deeper, gasping in air around the pleasure flooding my body, heating me everywhere.

“Please,” I begged as I rolled my hips forward and nearly moaned against it.

He chuckled and let his head roll back as I did it again, though the moan won that time. “Ride me as you like, ma lath. I won’t stop you,” he said as he thrust into me twice. His hands slid over my thigh and back up over my ass as I took him in again and again. My own spasms made it hard to move at the pace I would like and ultimately he fixed that as he threw me over onto my back and took his own after a while.

I was exhausted and since I had only just come awake to the sounds of others in the room, it didn’t really amaze me that I passed back out for a bit after. He had me tucked up against him as I came awake again. I could feel his hands slowly stroking my hair down my back as the other held tight in my hair, holding my face close to his. He kissed into my hair again.

_My Heart._

I smiled. “Good morning,” I said as I stretched across him only to snuggle closer. He chuckled and snuggled his cheek against the top of my head.

“Good morning, ma Lath. Feel better waking this time?” he asked gently but the memory of the two beautiful elves in the room warmed my skin all over. I let my dragon growl for a moment. “I’ll take that as a no.”

“They may require finding later,” I grumbled and he chuckled.

“Ma’Lath. Ithas fra em,” he urged as he slid a finger under my chin. He smiled down at me as I looked up and it irritated me more, but he caught my head between his hands and held me there. “You have no need to find them, Vhenan.” I glared up at him as he smiled down at me.

_Says you_.

He grinned. “I have no more interest in them than you have in Dorian, Vhenan.” I jarred with that.

_Dorian? Dorian is not only leagues from ‘my type’ but he’s gay. Why the hell would he mention…_ I looked up at his grinning face. _They may as well be lesbians to him_. I smiled foolishly then as I blushed. “Being unreasonable again,” I said by way of apology. He smiled and pulled me up to kiss him. I leaned into it as I climbed over him. He chuckled as he felt my hands drift down his chest. He dropped his over them and stopped them there. I broke the kiss only enough to stare questioningly down at him.

“Insatiable,” he rumbled on a chuckle. “But I’ve been smelling that breakfast for the last hour.” I breathed in then and realized that what the elven girls had brought down was a tray of food, covered, and a few more books by the look of it as I glanced over.

“Very well, ma lath,” I said as I attempted to lift myself off of him. He held my hands in place though. I met his gaze then and realized he was no less hungry.

“Understand me perfectly, Vhenan,” I settled on the bed beside him and cocked my head to the side slightly. He smiled and lifted my hands to his mouth to kiss them briefly. “The food will settle, and at that point I will pin you to whatever is in range, floor included.” I chuckled and leaned down to kiss him swiftly.

“Best we get eating then.” He smiled back up at me as I padded over to the desk. I turned back to look at him and he was merely lounging, watching.

“Most dress first, Vhenan.”

I grinned over at him. “Does my state of undress make you uncomfortable, _old _wolf?” I teased, purposely using his paraphrase from Haven back at him. He rose and stalked over to me, his eyes never left mine. My heart seemed to be beating harder and mostly from there as he stepped around behind me and leaned over my back to a point I had to hold onto the desk. He moved swiftly then, snagging a hand under my jaw and the other around my waist, quickly snapping me back into him. I could feel him pressing against my ass and I purposely leaned into him little more.

He hissed a moment before growling into my ear, “Your state of undress makes it much harder to focus on the meat I need to have in my mouth rather than the meat I’m likely to shove down yours.” I mewled then and worried my bottom lip between my teeth; couldn’t be helped.

Adding my oral fixation with an extreme arousal already and not a single pen or popsicle stick or hard candy or anything to properly nosh on. His long fingers bit into my jaw then and I nearly creamed myself chewing on my bottom lip. He chuckled and then placed his lips against the back of my ear, his breath against it only making my nipples harder and my breath catch.

“You almost sound as though you would prefer that, Vhenan.” I ground back against him lightly and he chuckled again. “I know you want it in you,” he said on a smile. “We just haven’t tried sliding it down your throat yet,” he added as his thumb traced slowly from the right side of my jaw to my collar bone and back up.

I was gasping then, silently begging for him to choke me, or fuck me or, “Try.” His low chuckle behind my ear only tightened me further.

“Food first,” he whispered and bit the back of my ear gently and I screamed as I came forward against him.

_Too much. Don’t care about food. Just_. He chuckled again and slid his hand from my neck to my shoulder as he held me back against him.

“No, my insatiable dragon. Food first,” he repeated and released me slowly. I whined and pressed back against him. He nipped the base of my ear which got me to gasp and freeze. He stepped away then and released me entirely. “Eat.” He lifted the cover for the plate and I had to swallow as the scents set my mouth to salivating.

I was still stupid horny, but I turned and purposely snagged a chunk of meat to nosh on.

“Athena.”

I tore down into the meat and looked away. I probably should be chewing it more, but I tongued most of the seasonings off first before I swallowed down that chunk and ripped at it again.

“Feeling mildly primal, Vhenan?” I glared over at him to see he had fork and knife in hand and was partially dressed. More out of point than need, I tore another chunk out of the meat in my hands and returned my attention to that as he chuckled a moment.

I downed the plate-sized steak of whatever that was in minutes. I had not realized just how hungry I was. I felt warmer now too and I looked over at him.

“Yes,” he answered. “Eating properly will change a lot of things in your body.” I raised an eyebrow to him and he laughed, wiping his face with the napkin. “Sadly it is more likely to increase those urges, ma lath.”

_And you _think_ you have the stamina for all that, _old_ wolf? _I challenged in my mind.

“For being such an ‘old wolf’, I’ve fucked you to sleep multiple times. Worry for your own endurance, not mine.” I smiled then just because I remember a previous conversation, and well my fingers were covered in seasoning and juices, I purposely licked them clean, watching as he ground his teeth. His body heat shifted as well and I grinned at him then.

_I think I get it._

_ Get what, Athena?_

_ I think you enjoy watching me suck on my fingers because you like to think of other parts of you in place of my fingers._ His low growl was as much confirmation as warning. “Am I wrong?” I asked aloud and watched his nostrils flare as he leveled me with that gaze.

He cleared his mind in a moment’s breath and addressed me in almost a normal tone as he answered, “Finish _eat_ing, Vhenan.” His eyes could not so easily be contained as his schooled face and the wolf was starting to press through. If his mate wanted him to fuck her into the ground, he would oblige and this two-leg etunash could go right where it belonged. Watching that echo back from a perfectly schooled face just made me grin at him. I turned and leaned so I wouldn’t be over the plate as I perused.

Apparently well filled, there was a blackish looking bread, (I think it was supposed to be black, but I’ve never been one for the wonky colored breads, so I passed). There was sliced crumbled cheese of some kind. I think it was supposed to be a straight slice but by the look of the aftermath the cheese itself hadn’t aged enough for that and it crumbled to the slicing. I popped a piece in my mouth to tongue over as I looked over the rest. Several more pieces of meat, some fungi by the look of it and some kind of produce but yeah, I’m a picky eater. _Fuck this, I’ll stick with the meat. The cheese isn’t bad though_, I thought as I lifted one more gloriously thick slice of meat and felt my mouth start salivating again. _Seriously, you’d think I’ve never seen a steak before for how my body is reacting_.

He chuckled briefly and smiled at me.

_Normal I take it?_ I thought raising an eye brow to him. He nodded and continued his meal.

_You will find many things will feel different, my Heart. Wait._ I shivered to that thought. If eating felt this good, what was-

I shook my head to head that thought off. My stomach grumbled at the same time. “I hear you,” I argued down at it and ripped into the steak. I was sure I had just as much juice and seasoning on my face as I did on my hands after that, but I didn’t really care. I felt full, finally and warm everywhere. The need to tear my teeth through fleshy bits sated, I stretched high. His gaze was appreciative as I stood upright then. “Thank you.” He met my gaze. “For breakfast.” He grinned.

“It was meant to be a surprise for you so I am glad you enjoyed it. Perhaps leave the deliverers alone though,” he suggested and I smiled at him, before I paced over to the bowl to wash face and hands.

_For now_. I walked over to the fire and willed it to start and it did. I felt my body stretch out in a dozen places as I laid out by the fire. _No need to rush his meal. Just stretch for a moment and enjoy the warmth._ The cold marble-like floor warmed quickly to my heat and the heat of the fireplace and before long I found myself dozing off.

I felt him lift me at some point and lay me back out in the covers. _My sweet Athena_. The last words I remember hearing before the darkness consumed me.


	11. Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Any time people from different backgrounds have relationships its bound to happen eventually; Communication Breakdown (no pun meant for Led Zeppelin). Athena, believing she was only granting what Solas wanted, comments once and begins a cascade of things that the two will have to work out ...somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story contains massive spoilers for the game. Please note, that if you are reading, I take no responsibility for ruining game plot you haven't gotten to yet.  
Also, I use multiple songs within the story. I do not claim ownership to these songs. All copyrights belong to the original authors. (I'm just a huge fan :P)

Chapter 11: Consequences

No dreams, just rest; peaceful quiet rest. Until-

“The Inquisitor insists on her presence.”

“I’m sorry, Enchanter, but she is sleeping. She can join him later.”

“My dear apostate, I’m no man’s messenger. I was sent to retrieve the girl, not pass along notes.”

_Peace, my love_, I urged as I stretched and stood. He’d drawn the curtains in about the bed again and I smiled as I stepped out.

“Oh, dear Maker.” I looked over to see Vivienne turn to the door. “Must you keep her so, uncivilized?”

_You did refer to her as my ‘beast’,_ Solas sneered in his head. “She dresses how she likes when she likes, Enchanter. I would think _you_ would find that most suitable.” She tried to throw a glare at him but had to look back at my naked form to do so and snapped her head forward again.

“Is it my body or the marks you’ve left on it that causes her to blush so, ma lath?” I asked kindly as I summoned the clothing I would need. If the boy was in need, I would hear him, but I would dress accordingly.

I pulled on my undergarments quickly as Solas asked Vivienne, “She wishes to know whether it is her state of undress that makes you so uncomfortable, Enchanter?”

“What else would it be?” she asked haughtily, never turning as I slid into my formal pants. The outfit I’d pulled was full three piece suit for me, but I decided at the last moment that the jacket could remain here.

“Marks,” Solas said blandly.

“What marks?” Vivienne asked and I chuckled.

“So it is my state of undress. Thank you, Enchanter,” I stated as I buttoned down the last of my white blouse and tucked it into the pants. She turned then.

“You dress like a man,” she sneered. I smiled at her.

“I dress like me, if a man wishes to copy me it is their own choice.” Solas chuckled before relaying word for word.

“Well, at least you haven’t lost any of your spine in the apostate’s care.” I felt my lover seethe over that but I smiled at her.

“And I see you still don’t have one,” I said with a pleasant smile to her. Solas smiled then too.

“She says she is pleased she could appease you.” Vivienne preened it for a moment.

“May we go? If Adaar is waiting, I’d rather have this done with.”

“She asks if we could be on about meeting with Adaar.”  
“He is properly Inquisitor,” she stated as if I didn’t know his title and I smiled at her in silence. “Still haven’t learned propriety I see.” I grinned.

_I’m not turning and sliding him down my throat with you standing there. How’s that for propriety, Enchanter?_ Solas chuckled from behind me and she looked up at him.

“I believe her views on propriety are slightly more, broad range, Enchanter,” he stated.

“How do you mean?” I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose.

“You were sent to retrieve me, but you waste both our times with your questions.” She looked at me for the moments it took to draw my next breath. “You may remain down here and discuss as you will.” I inclined my head to her and began my walk with, “Farewell, Enchanter.” I mounted the stairs then and she sputtered before half chasing after me.

_That wasn’t very nice, my Heart._

_ I’m not a ‘nice, Vhenan’. I have told you that before._

_So you have._ Silence followed for a few minutes up the steps. _What will you do?_

_ Go to the War room, what else? It’s the only place ‘the Inquisitor’ would be waiting for me._

_ I mean when they ask you questions._

_ I will do what I must, as I always have_, I stated to him as I straightened. I could see the brighter lights of the rotunda gleaming down the stairs a moment before we got to the door. I did not slow my pace however. If the creek wanted to pretend to be even a river it would need to move more swiftly. I continued my pace out into the main hall. Whether from my glaring face of the red face of the Enchanter behind me trying to keep up in heels, I could not tell but all made way. She was taller than me by at least a hand and half, but I was used to moving ‘lower’ and using the full length of my legs whereas I knew she was used to showing the full length without truly using them. Running was not her forte.

I rounded the corner into the Ambassador’s chamber and Solas appeared at my side, one arm linking into mine and slowing my pace.

_Easy, my Heart. No need to go in here angry because of her. Peace._ I smiled and slowed my pace though I would be lying to say I didn’t enjoy the sounds of her trying to hide sucking in air faster.

_As you say, my love. Let’s see what the boy needs._ The guards stationed on either side seemed to snap higher to attention and I realized then that all made way to the dragon. It made me smile. I felt a trifle arrogant but what matter to a dragon. I reached out a hand and the doors came open before the guards could turn to open them and Solas and I walked through hand in arm, the Enchanter a step behind. I knew she would understand it as well as he did. _Just like the serving wench you make yourself out to be, Enchanter. Enjoy the view._ Solas gripped my arm slightly as I smiled a welcome at all present, inclining my head only slightly in greeting. “Good morning all,” I greeted and Solas smiled.

“Indeed, Good morning to all,” he greeted as well. It seemed nearly every companion was present, save Ranier.

I looked directly at the Inquisitor then. “You had need of me, young one?”

Solas sighed before saying, “She asks what need you had of her, ‘da’len’.”

“What does dallen mean?”

Solas sighed and shook his head. “It is a term of endearment, generally when referring to one much younger than yourself.” Adaar looked at me awkwardly for a moment then shook his head and decided against asking _that_ question.

“Um, I was hoping you could, add another view point,” Adaar began.

“What ‘view point’?!” Cullen demanded. I looked over at him, finally taking in that there were two other guards standing near (well more behind) him. One looked vaguely familiar and then he opened his mouth and removed any doubt. “She shattered his jaw, broke his ribs and nearly removed his arm.” My gaze landed on the injured guard then and all others in the room faded.

“You.” Solas’ hand on my arm tightened.

_Peace, my Heart. Do not give the Commander what he wants._ My gaze shifted to Cullen then.

“I’ll be perfectly clear, so the brutish barbarian can understand me.”

“Not sure _that_ is the best way to start,” Solas said. “She says she will be perfectly clear so _all_ can understand her.” I threw him an angry glare and he returned it with a warning gaze.

“I get the feeling she was less complimentary in her phrasing but we get the picture,” Leliana stated and I nodded politely to her before pinning the Commander with my glare.

“The next _person_,” I sneered, “that believes they have right to a lay a single hand on me,” I began and glared at him for a moment as Solas relayed, “will die.”

“Vhenan.” I looked up at him then, calm as if discussing dinner.

“I’m not playing with them, Solas. The next fool, dies. This one,” I stated jerking my head toward the Commander and his guards, “was a warning.” I could feel my teeth bare even as I told _him_ that.

“What did she say?” Leliana asked and I looked over at her then back at him with a ‘get on with it’ expression.

He sighed and looked down at me as he relayed, “She says,” he sighed again, “she says the next fool to believe they have right to touch her at all, will die.” Noise began and Solas spoke over them, “She says,” and they quieted, “that this guard, was a warning.”

“A warning?!” Cullen demanded but my gaze was locked with Leliana’s. Finally she nodded sadly.

“I understand,” she stated softly and all eyes shifted to her, even my lovers. “Commander, you will inform your men that they are not to touch her under any circumstances.”

“What?!”

“Certainly you can explain, Leliana?” Josephine asked politely as the ruckus began again.

“With your permission?” Leliana asked inclining her head to me slightly. I nodded. “She was raped.” Gasps across the War Room and I inclined my head in a half bow to the Spymaster. “Any attempt to touch her will automatically be treated as an attempt to repeat it. You will order your people _not _to touch her.” Finally Leliana broke my gaze and glared over at Cullen. “Are we clear, Commander?”

“And nothing is to be done to her, despite the fact I have a guard that can no longer perform his duty?!”

“It’s alright, sir,” the injured guard mumbled to him.

“To the Void, it is. This is unacceptable. You want to leave a mage, an apostate loose-”

“All mages are now technically apostates, Commander,” Solas began.

“Shut up. You haven’t helped a blasted thing since I called for you that day she arrived. She is a mage, a loose mage that has already proven to be unreliable and-” Suddenly he was gone from where he was and all looked around, save me. I leaned back against the door post and looked up.

“I will,” Cole said and stood next to me looking out at them.

As I spoke, Cole echoed my words and inflection perfectly into common. “When you are finished wasting the air up there,” all eyes present went up then to the Commander holding his gear over his pieces, “I will bring you back down and we can have a civilized conversation. Until then, I would advise you hold your gear on tight, unless you plan to shower all present with the view.” Cullen was as red as his cloak that now hung down almost to Josephine’s head as he held his trousers and codpiece in place. Gear meant to withstand gravity in reverse is so finicky. I looked down at Adaar then. “You were saying, young Adaar?”

He glanced up at Cullen and coughed and tried to (failing obviously) put the Commander dangling like a bat from the rafters from his mind. I had purposely stuck him feet first against the ceiling. The air was warmer there and he would be fine at least for another two minutes before his nose would start bleeding.

“She’ll want to move,” Cole said and all eyes went to him but I chuckled.

“Josephine,” I said looking right at her and Cole mimicked the kinder voice. “Step back two paces, please. You’ll thank me for it later.” She looked confused but she did so then looked back up at me, but I turned back to Adaar.

“Please, continue.”

Adaar coughed again. “Um, I, guess we owe you an apology.”

“I do,” the one guard spoke. “I didn’t mean to scare you or make you think that I would,” he flushed. “I wouldn’t,” he began shaking his head. I lifted my right hand and pulled from my own pool a shimmering of blue magic. I hurled it at him and he braced up. As the pain never came, he stood shocked a moment. He looked up at me and touched his jaw then his side as it registered that all the pain had left his body. He bowed deeply. “Thank you, um,” he then swiftly whispered to his friend beside him, “what do we call her?”

“Aethien,” I answered, “and you’re welcome.”

Solas chuckled before pulling me up to him to snuggle me close, despite a dozen gasps about the room. “She says you may call her Aethien and you are welcome.”

Frightened silence filled the room for a moment before Adaar said what all were thinking. “So, um, I guess, the whole not touching thing,” he began and I chuckled.

“Everyone has someone they want to touch them, da’len.”

Solas chuckled before relaying the words exactly.

Adaar squeezed his eyes shut as other memories hit him. “Right, yeah. Leaving that alone now. Um, can you, um, tell us, uh, anything,” he coughed, “about this Stroud guy.” I sighed and straightened.

“You have spoken with Katrin, then?”

“She asks if you have spoken with the Champion yet?”

Adaar nodded. “She says he’s somewhere near Crestwood.” My face fell immediately. I hated that place, for the heartbreak it represented to me, but grimaced and set my face. “Don’t like Crestwood?”

Cole mimicked me then as things would need to be exact and with inflection. He understood that. “Crestwood will need you. Please bring Cole with you as he will be able to help.” Solas stiffened and looked down at me. “Yes that will mean that both who could translate for me will be gone, but you will need Solas and you will need Cole. My needs are secondary to this. You must understand.” Adaar mumbled for a moment, words and thoughts not quite matching and then he looked up and nodded.

“I, I mean, usually I take at least four people, me and three others, any time I have to leave. Should I, take more?” He was fishing and I smiled at him briefly before the pain won. Cole appeared beside me and took my hand in his.

“It won’t,” he said. I smiled at him and placed that hand to his cheek.

“Solas, please let him know that wisdom would be to send the Lady Seeker with him. Any others are just for his comfort.”

Solas stroked my upper arm a moment, noticeably unhappy before he turned his face to Adaar and sighed. “She insists that Cole and I must both go and that, wisdom would dictate that you should bring ‘the Lady Seeker’,” Cassandra half growled a sigh, “but that any others would be solely for your personal comfort.”

“I am always happy to have Cassandra with me,” he blurted then rushed on awkward, “I, of course, I will take your advice, and if, I mean, they want to, if,” he sighed and swallowed hard. “Are the three of you alright with coming with me to Crestwood?” Solas sighed.

“You are Inquisitor now,” he stated. “It is not a matter of if the soldiers are ‘alright’ with marching. You tell them where to go and they follow.”

“Oh, right,” he straightened and tried to put on his best memory of Shok. “Then we’ll leave in two days for Crestwood. The five of us.” I shook my head. “You’re not coming?” he asked.

“I am not yet recovered enough to risk that. You will have to forgive my absence.”

Solas squeezed me to him then as his face contorted. “I don’t like the idea of leaving you here when you know you are not recovered, Vhenan.”

“AH!” Josephine jumped back to the wall as another droplet hit the floor.

“I had nearly forgotten,” I said and looked up. “Are you done, Commander? Ready to come down?” He had had to release the cod piece to hold his nose and was desperately trying to hold his tunic high enough to cover.

“Aethien asks if you are ready to come down, Commander?” Cullen nodded and then he was standing over the blood spots he’d begun dripping on the floor.

“You healed him, we’re even,” Cullen mumbled through his pinched nostrils, adjusting his belt with one hand as the other held his nose closed.

“Here, darling. Let me see to that,” Vivienne stated fussing over him like a child.

Solas turned me to him then in Elven, “I don’t want to leave you when you are still vulnerable, my Heart.”

I smiled up at him. “Adaar is waiting for his answer, ma lath. I will stay here. Leliana will keep an eye and for the most part I’ll stay below, working out where certain things will need to happen and what kind of time frame we _really_ have.” He sighed and pulled me close.

Finally he heaved a breath. Not willing to release me, he spoke over my head. “She will not go. She will remain until she is fully recovered. She feels she is yet still too weak to risk whatever it is we will be up against in Crestwood.” He leaned back and took my face in his hands a moment before clearing his expression and pulling me to his side, the only remaining signs of a heart distraught was his lingering hand on my waist and the stroking of that thumb along my ribs. “I go willingly with you, Inquisitor,” then he turned to Leliana. “She insists that you will watch out for her, in our absence.” Leliana bowed off to me and I smiled. She was beginning to understand. “For, for my benefit, Spymaster.” She met his eyes and smiled warmly, the old Leliana smile.

“I agree to protect her, while she is here.” I smiled at her.

“And no bard will be without a reward, Spymaster.” Solas stared at me a moment.

“There are several things I would have explained from that statement, Vhenan. First and foremost, which individual here is a ‘bard’?” Leliana began laughing lightly.

“I am, well, I was,” she stated. “What does she say of the bards?”

Solas shook his head then faced her. “She said, ‘no bard will be without a reward’.” Leliana grinned at me then and nodded a bow once more, which I met.

“What kind of reward?” Iron Bull asked. I chuckled.

“My need for safety will _never _be left in the hands of a Qunaadar, Hissrad.” Solas gripped my side lightly.

“Not feeling very polite today, Aethien.”

“I’m not feeling the need to bandy words. I will say what must be said and leave this crowded room of stench. How do you tolerate the smell?” I swear I could smell each of them on top of each other’s smells. “Do people truly not bathe daily here?” He chuckled.

“A human superstition, Vhenan.” I shivered.

“What?” Iron Bull asked.

“She says she would never trust her safety to a Qunaadar, especially considering that she is mage. But she is dragon above all and insists she can smell every one of you, so the sooner we can conclude this, the happier she’ll be.” Several around the table flushed.

“What’s the human superstition?” Bull asked.

“The need to avoid getting one’s head wet during the winter.”

“Ah, so it’s not just me then,” he stated. The flushes deepened.

I looked over at Adaar and gestured for him to hurry it along. “Right, so Solas, Cole, Cassandra and I will leave for Crestwood morning after tomorrow. Did you have anything else that needed to go into that?” I nodded.

Cole echoed me then. “Make sure your army is ready. You will need to call on them before the end.” Cullen straightened then and all eyes went to me.

“The dragon?” Adaar asked and I shook my head.

“Corephyeus himself still licks his wounds. You have at least a few months before you will need to be ready for that, and for that you will need more allies, but,” I paused and he looked at me, the terrified boy trying to play leader, “your army will be needed before then. Bring to bear what you have and be ready. If they are not ready, you will lose many. I will stay here, but all will await your message for when to send them and where.” I shook my head as he went to ask. “Do not. You will know, and when you know, remember that thousands of lives are in your hands. Choose well.” He swallowed hard.

“Oh, no pressure then,” Varric joked. “Not like it’s the fate of the world or anything.”  
“That will come later.” Adaar released a heavy breath and as he began hyperventilating I called to him.

“Straighten your shoulders,” I told him and Cole echoed me and he drew in a breath and puffed his chest out. “Better,” I said and smiled at him. “You are not alone in this, Adaar, never believe you are.” He smiled at me then and nodded as the thoughts set.

“Will Crestwood have enough time for us to prepare for two days.”

“Yes and no.” He raised an eyebrow and I was grateful to Cole to mimick my inflections. “For those you would be able to save, yes. Some are already gone.” His face fell a little and I threw a half glare and he straightened again.

“Then we leave in two days. I’ll, be sure to leave instruction, per your advice. I’m sure the Commander will be accommodating to any insight you might be able to provide him.” I nodded to Adaar.

_And this is how you properly ask for help, _Commander, I sneered in my head.

“Do you know how long we will be gone for?” Adaar asked. I couldn’t hold my expression back then and I buried my head against Solas’ chest a moment.

“Atishan, Vhenan.” I nodded and breathed a steadying breathe before I faced Adaar again.

“Your feet will not touch Skyhold again for at least a few months. Ready yourself well.” Solas’ arms wrapped tighter and Cole touched my arm.

“We’ll be back before you know it,” he said gently.

Adaar nodded. “Thank you.” He looked around then. “We all know what’s coming. Let’s get started on preparation.” Movement seemed to erupt around us then.

“Adaar,” I called standing straight to look him in the eye and all paused as I stared up at his green eyes. Cole straightened beside me and echoed me. “Please be careful. I trust you with much.”

Adaar smiled truly then and nodded to me. “My word, Mistress Dragon, I’ll be careful.”

I smiled gently at him then and looked up at my lover. “A brief walk outside, ma lath. Please.” He smiled at me then turned his attention to Adaar.

“Everyone please, go take care of what you need to. If I decide to bring anyone else, I’ll let them know shortly, but all should prepare.” Solas bowed off to him, and then led us out of the War Room.

He said nothing as we walked, arm in arm as we had before. He was silent even as we entered the Great Hall, but he paused there. I could feel something eating at him, but what.

_Solas_. He looked down at me sadly a moment. He leaned over and pressed me closer to him before we began walking again. We were walking towards the door when the loud whistle caught both of our attentions. Varric waved from his table and we walked over.

“Good morning, Master Tethras,” Solas greeted and I bowed politely to him.

“Morning, Chuckles. Kitten.” He grinned and patted the crate beside him. “As requested.” I smiled at him then and bowed again. “Ah, no need to thank me. After all, you did earn it.” I smiled down at him. “Oh, Chuckles, did you see,” he pulled out the sheet from yesterday and handed it up.

“It’s not my best work,” I told him. “But quill only has so much maneuverability to it.” He nodded and unrolled it. It did look like Varric might start laughing right there on the page. He smiled.

“She did you a decent justice, Master Tethras,” Solas said handing him back the scroll.

“I like it, and now as promised.” He popped open the crate and it was separated into three parts, one obviously leaves of parchment, one quills and one little vials. I smiled at him as I perused, then laid my hand over my chest. “We made a deal and Varric Tethras always pays his debts.” I smiled at him again.

“Debts?” Solas asked.

“What? Keeping secrets from your hubby? What will people say?” I glared at him for his joke.

Though Solas seemed to tense up as I began, I rattled through. “Firstly, Varric, he’s not my husband; secondly, it was no secret, and third, I could give a damn less what anyone thinks.” Varric looked up at Solas expectantly and Solas shook his head.

“She says she cares not what anyone thinks and that she wasn’t keeping secrets.” I looked up at him. _And that I’m not her husband_. It echoed through his eyes.

“You are my mate, there is a difference,” I stated.

“Well, no need for a lover’s spat over that. Your supplies in trade for the image. Fair deal,” Varric stated and I tried to smile down at him, though my stomach felt hollow. Something was very wrong with my lover and I couldn’t place it.

“Things still need discussing,” he said in Elven before following it quickly with, “Will you stay here with Master Tethras? There are a few things I will need to acquire.” His entire tone came off cold as the peaks surrounding us.

“No. I will take the supplies below.” I nodded to Varric then and leaned down. I hefted the box up onto my shoulder to the raised brows of both. “I am in need of warmth,” I said briefly before I began my walk.

[[[“You’ll have to forgive, Master Tethras. She states she is very tired and will retire, but she thanks you for her gift.”

“No gift, and no worries either. I am pleased with the result. I hope you are too,” Varric said looking up at the Elf.

“Exactly what do you mean by that?” Solas asked.

Varric shrugged. “I don’t know what all she said when I was kidding with her about you being her hubby and all, but whatever it was, you went cold as glacial ice. Maybe think, before you go down stairs. That’s all,” Varric said and immediately reabsorbed himself in paperwork.

_ “Do not take your ire out on the girl that would shift entire cosmos to please you.”_

Solas grimaced and walked out to find the cartographer of Haven. The man was relatively good at sketching basic maps. He would need one for her, but apparently he needed to sort his thoughts first.]]]

I reached the room and placed the crate down by my dresser as I willed the fire to start. I ran my hand over the wolves engraved in the dresser and smiled sadly.

“Sing?” Cole asked as he appeared. “You’re wounded, wanting, wandering, wondering, what did I do to anger him so?”

I walked over to the basin and drew water. I needed to scrub, and then I would sing. I must have thought it loud enough because he grinned and disappeared. I pulled the water with my own power, as I had no desire to disturb my lover further and washed up. I looked up into the mirror and it occurred to me, I would sing, but I would sing a song repeatedly as I drew. I had not tried to draw in that style in a long time and it was due.

I returned to the crate and drew one sheet, two quills and three vials and laid them out before the fire as I began humming.

[[[Solas descended nearly an hour later. The cartographer had taken far longer than Solas would have liked, but the end result was fitting. He’d paid the man and collected the map and began his trek back. Sadly the time sitting there waiting gave him only too much time to think. It hurt bad enough to know that she was sending him _and_ Cole out for all of this, coupled with some dread feeling she had of him disappearing in Crestwood somehow, but then Varric jokes about a relationship status and somehow her response actually hurt more.

He had no reason to hurt, no reason to get offended. It wasn’t like the dwarf was proposing she marry him instead of Solas, so why was he so…It made no sense and that only frustrated him further.

Yes, he loved her, he knew that and he was pretty sure she knew that, or at least he hoped she knew that. He sighed again as he continued his descent. They would have to talk. Since the only thing he could truly settle on the whole time he was at the cartographer’s new shop was that he didn’t like the idea of both him and Cole being gone and he would ask her for more detail about it. That aside, no decision was truly made, none could be. He sighed again and on a half-growl, fade jumped to the door way. He froze there. She was stretched out by the fire on her stomach, sketching on the paper before her, singing to the image as she crafted it. Such a sad song.

“Who, is that girl I see, Staring straight, Back at me, Why is my Reflection, Someone I, don’t know. Somehow, I cannot hide, who I am, though I’ve tried. When will my Reflection show, who I am inside. When will my Reflection show, who I am in-side.”]]]

His voice immediately drew me from my drawings. “This has always been an issue for you then?” I looked up at him and smiled. I got lost in his eyes though as I stared up at him, a sad smile crossing his face.

_Gods, I love him so. Everything I’ve ever wanted, right there, just looking down at me and it’s not just a sketch this time. He’s real. I’m really here and I get to have him._ I grinned. _I feel a little foolish grinning at him like an idiot. I know he asked me something, but I could truly forget the world just staring up into his eyes. _

He smiled truthfully then and walked over to me, seating himself on his haunches before me. “What man could deserve such adoration, Vhenan?”

I smiled and leaned up to touch his face with my left hand. “The Man that would stand against Gods for those that condemn him in their idiocy.” He smiled down at me.

“Opinions on the Dalish, ma lath?”

I shook my head. “All Elves. They don’t speak any higher of The Dread Wolf in the cities.” He sighed. I stroked his cheek once with my thumb and he looked back up at me. “I care not for their lies. I know _you_,” he smiled sadly at me, “and I love you, Solas.” He placed his hand over mine then.

_How does any man deserve such devotion? It makes no sense, my Heart_. He leaned down to kiss me and paused as the image caught his eye. _Beautiful. I have to wonder, who-_

“Originally from a different book,” I stated. _Movie would be more accurate but that would take months to fully explain. _“Mulan. She was just a girl in a world torn by war. But her father had been lamed and she had no other clan than her mother and grandmother. Her attempts at being a normal girl never worked. When the leader of her country demanded one conscript from every house, she stole her father’s armor, bound her breasts and hid amongst the soldiers of the army.”

“Surely her father went looking.”

“He could not. By the laws of her country, a woman ‘pretending to be a man’ for any reason would demand her commanding officer severe her head from neck immediately. They live in that country for the concepts of honor and what position within depended on the honor of your house. For him to reveal her would have brought great dishonor on her and his house. It would be like a baker murdering half a block then setting his own home on fire. It would make less than no sense to try. But she learns, and she earns the greatest honor within the army, ultimately saving the leader of her country twice.” He raised a brow. “When said leader learned she was woman, he was furious at first, but he’d seen her strength and commanded she be returned to her home, to her father, and all commendations and honor be given her father in her stead; since he couldn’t rightly give such praise to any woman.”  
“The men of your world,” Solas began. _How does a society of any kind survive with such idiotic laws?_ I giggled then.

“Not all men are that way, ma lath.” I looked back down at the picture, the realistic version of Mulan walking her father’s garden. “Her father truly wasn’t. He had raised her to be independent, knowing it would ultimately cause him grief.” I smiled. “He just never imagined how much. But when she is brought home, his gear is returned and she bows before him, saying she brought him the sword of the ultimate enemy of her country and the crest of their Emperor, their God-King, as gifts to honor their family.” I grinned as I remembered that part. I didn’t need to say it, I was feeling it well enough to show him.

“_The greatest gift and honor is having you for a daughter. I’ve missed you.”_

_ “I missed you too, papa.”_

_ “Swords and medals? If you ask me she should’ve brought home a m-“_

_ “Excuse me. Does Fa Mulan live here?”_

_ Both mother and grandmother point._

_ “Thank you.” The young man in armor approaches her father as her father tucks Mulan behind him. “Honorable Fa Zhu, I” Mulan peeked from behind him. “Oh, um, Mulan. You, uh, forgot your helmet, well, I guess it’s your helmet,” he says offering to her father._

The long fingers appeared in my vision as he turned me up to him. “Ahnsul ma numinas, Vhenan?” I blinked and he ran his thumb by the trail. I smiled at him.

“Foolish thoughts of a younger girl. Forgive me, ma lath,” I began as I tried to shift to rise, but his grip did not slack and he held me there to look up at him.

“That’s a fancy way of saying ‘never mind’.” I grinned at him then.

“Perhaps.”

“Why do you cry, Athena?” he asked softer. My grin faded.

“Foolishness.” He raised that eye brow. “I miss my father. I wish he could have been there to see me become a woman, but,” I said looking down at the picture. I hadn’t realized what tears will do to quill ink. I chuckled and looked back up at him. “I was not that fortunate.”

“You relate with this Mulan though,” he stated more than asked.

“Yes. I’ve spent most my life asking the same question, so yes.” I smiled truly then as I felt the giant within. “And then I came here.” He raised the other brow then, though the look in his eyes said he began to get it. “And you showed me my dragon, me.” I reached up and pulled his hands away so I could stand. He stood with me though he stayed as I walked back over to the mirror. I reached up and touched the mirror then and she shimmered across it. “Now I can see her. Now I don’t need to hide. Who I am is who I am supposed to be. It is terrifying and thrilling all at once.” I paused and looked back over at him as I asked, “Does that make any sense?” He smiled and padded over, purposely stepping behind me to look up into the mirror with me. He stood so much taller than I and the image made me almost want to laugh. I had to be at least 170 centimeters tall, but I barely stood at his collar bone. I won’t deny, it rankled the dragon a little to stand so far under the wolf, at least until he leaned forward to wrap his arms underneath mine around my waist.

_My beautiful, wonderful dragon._ He nuzzled the side of my head as that thought filtered through to me. “More than you could know, Vhenan.” _My perfect match, my mate._ He straightened a little before snuggling closer. _Is it wrong to be upset about it? She did say it._

“What did I say that upset you, Solas?” I asked looking up in the mirror at him, his eyes closed as he burrowed closer.

“It is of no consequence, Vhenan. Do not trouble yourself.”

“Uh-huh. Another fancy way of saying never mind. Eee,” I mimicked the buzzer. “Try again.” He chuckled into my hair then.

_It will not be a pleasant conversation and could damage things. I don’t want to risk that I’m wrong, but if I’m wrong, is it not better to know now?_

“Solas,” I prompted.

“Why did you say that, Vhenan?” he finally asked, not lifting his head from my hair.

_Say what, my love?_

“Is there really so much of a difference in your world?” He sighed as I shook my head. I wasn’t following. “Between mate and husband?”

_Oh, okay, now we are the same page._ “You mean when I told Varric you weren’t my husband?” I know I sounded incredulous but it was hard to believe that the phrase would bother him so.

“Yes.” I was wrong; it apparently bothered him a lot.

“Solas.”

“Please just answer me, Athena.”

“I,” I sighed. “Solas, I said what was truth.” He stiffened. “You are not my husband.” I felt his jaw set then. “I love you. You are my choice, my mate, and I am yours without reservation, ma lath, but I am not your wife. You are not beholden to me by any stretch of the imagination-“

_Oh, by all the…_ “Athena,” he growled. “Is that really the whole of difference for you?” His gaze snapped up to mine in the mirror then. “That you belong to me but that I’m not ‘beholden’.”

I straightened. “A mate is someone you have, you love but that can go their own way if they need. I will not attempt to cage you, Solas. I refuse to entrap-”

“Entrap? Really? You believe you have me cornered into some tight box that will somehow force my hand in declaring that I love you, that I want to spend my life with you. It is not so, Vhenan.” I froze then. “Your concepts of love and the like are skewed horribly.”

“Solas.”

“No.” He stopped me there and I could only stare at his reflection as he went on. “They are skewed. The men of your world are fools, at best, that much you’ve proven. Hush, Vhenan. You have. A dozen men should have been offering their home, their protection the moment your father was declared killed. No, there is no argument, nor will I ‘brook one’ on this.

“Secondly, a mate is not someone you have, that can turn away. A mate is a deeper bond than any _facile_ connection formed by some clergy or rite; they are bound to you beyond life. The death of a mate, present or hundreds of leagues separate, the injuring of a mate hundreds of leagues separate will be felt by the other. It is not some minor commitment that I might one day walk away from. I don’t know where you got that completely idiotic idea in your head earlier but I will not lose you; not at Crestwood and certainly not here.

“And third, not that you needed three examples but you seem to struggle when only given one,” he began and spun me to face him. “You could not entrap me into loving you. That would be like saying you willed the sun to rise tomorrow morning; it will rise, regardless of your will and I will love you, regardless of how you try to convince yourself that you somehow _made_ me do it.”

“I-”

“No, Athena. These are not things to debate,” he sighed and squeezed me to him. “These are three very simple facts. The men of your world, were idiots. The only one that seemed to have any sense was your Leo. The fact that we are bonded mates does not mean that I have the right to decide, ‘I don’t feel like it anymore’. We are bonded, beyond any foolish ceremony. And most importantly, you can’t, by any will, magic or otherwise, _make_ someone love you. You are my choice as much as I am yours.” He sat me back and took my face in his hands then. “I choose you, I choose to be with you, to have you as my mate, to have you as another part of myself. You are more than some wife bound and bought from Fereldan or Orlais. You are my mate.” He sighed. _Words, more words. She seen enough words._ He pressed his forehead to mine then, against the dragon skull and suddenly we were both standing before the pools of my will then.

“Solas.”

“No, Athena. You need to see, you need to know.” He focused down into the pool and the dragon stared back up at him, I stared back up at him. “Come to me.” It was not a compelling, a conjuration to force my body forward, but happily she/I stepped out of the water to smile down at him.

_My mate._

He laid his hand to her/my muzzle and willed the vision through us.

_Decades of searching alone, eons of hunting, hiding, killing; the desolation that stripped down his soul to little more than the wolf. _

I ached to reach for him, to ease the pain as the wolf loped on. Alone, he continued the hunt; alone, he continued to hide, and alone he continued to kill, to save those that would condemn him for trying.

_No rest. No time. No safe place. No den. They can’t take what I don’t have. _So many times repeated._ They can’t take what I don’t have. I will have none so close to me again, for when they took her, I bled. _

_Solas!_

He froze before me, pulling his hand back and I shifted down to elf-me and clung tight around his neck.

_You should not have been able to do that, Athena._ His voice was quiet, in a terrified whisper even in his mind. He was still frozen, he still couldn’t move even enough to hold me back, but I did not care, could not care. The pain in his eyes as he held the bloodied corpse of Mythal, the aching that dropped out behind his powerful body as his hunt continued like loose fur in the summer heat.

_Solas. Solas, please, no more. I’ll take you to her._ I sat back and took his face in my hands. _You will see. She isn’t dead, my love. She escaped. She figured out how and she escaped._ I pulled on the waters and suddenly we were submerged. He sputtered a moment before he looked up in shock.

I took his hand and led him down the nearly invisible path.

_I know these halls_.

“Indeed you do, Vhenan,” I stated as we approached the large door. I breathed deep and straightened. “Esayan Mythal Enansal! Abelas, judirtha’i’em?!”

_Who do you-_

Clearer than any language I heard, “A bold woman to demand me by name.” Abelas unveiled himself from the walls then and stepped forward. “Yet I do not know you. Him I know.” I could feel Solas’ heart beat faster in his hands.

_Impossible._

I turned to him. “No, ma lath. This is more than possible. They have been protecting her and her shrine, this whole time.”

“How?”

“You still mourn?” Abelas asked of him.

I stepped between them, purposely interposing my gaze between them. Solas hurt enough, he didn’t need more; not now. “I come to speak with the Lady Mythal. You are her protector and keeper and I beg admittance to the sanctuary.”

“You seek the Vir’abelasan.”

“No,” I denied quickly. “I seek only a few words with the Lady.” I released Solas then and stepped to Abelas. Solas reached, but my will deflected his arms. I held out my hands, palm up to Abelas. “Taste my will yourself. I wish her no harm.”

“You offer quite a bit, youngling,” Abelas stated and then looked over my shoulder briefly. “Your mate would not approve of me touching you so.”

“_I_ offer the sample of my will as proof: I will not harm the Lady. I wish only to speak with her.” Abelas smiled down at me.

“I’m tempted to, merely to know what would happen, but I must decline. I’ve no true interest in irritating the Dread Wolf.” I dropped my hands then.

“How then?”

“The man with you is proof enough, lethallan. That and the amusement you just gave all of us,” he said smiling back at Solas. I looked over my shoulder to see my lover glaring at him. If looks could kill, Abelas was dying a horrible death at the moment. “Come.” He turned and whispered to the door and it came open. “She will be happy to see you again,” he stated truly smiling at Solas, who stalked forward, snagged my waist in his arms as he continued.

“Don’t ever do that again,” he whispered to me as we marched down the hallways behind Abelas.

_Do what, my love?_ He glared at me a moment then turned his gaze to look forward as we entered the open area of the large floor puzzles. _Will we need to participate in the ritual, out of respect?_ He scoffed and smiled.

_No, my Heart. Such things are to judge one’s worth of the well’s wisdom or not._

_Ah. Sorry, misunderstanding._

He smiled and kissed the side of my head before we continued. _Only further proof, she had no idea what she was offering. _The doors and walls opened before Abelas as if they had never been there and briefly I wondered what this place must have looked like before the Veil, when the Fade would wander through every corner.

_It was beautiful_, he told me sadly. “To answer your question, Vhenan,” he drew in a breath, “she would be most distraught at how it has fallen.” He looked over and pointed, “Where those columns are, waters flowed through reverse gravity to the tops to spray lightly over the plants all around. Hundreds of Elves used to come here to worship her for her beauty and love. She was always giving, always willing to hear and comfort.”

“You speak of her as if she were dead, Great Wolf,” Abelas called back to us.

“Until recently, I truly believed she was.” Silence fell for a bit and Abelas chuckled.

“I see. Your mate has informed you otherwise, and in your stubbornness you had to see to believe. Some things don’t change it would seem.” He opened the final door and stopped. I threw a question glance at him. “This area is not for me.”

_Such sadness._ I moved to reach for him and my arm was brought quickly to my side.

“Thank you,” Solas stated and guided us forward.

_He hurts_, I told Solas. _Was it wrong to wish to comfort him?_

_ It was _wrong_ to wish to _touch_ him. Comfort can come in many forms._ I smiled sadly up at his growling face.

_My wolf. _He looked down at me and I smiled at him. _I am yours, my love._

He smiled sadly and walked out slightly further. I knew this area. I stopped and he looked down at me. Some things could be felt.

“She’s here.”

“Astute, certainly more so than our first meeting,” she stated as she emerged from the fogs.

“Impossible,” Solas whispered as I turned to bow to her.

“Deepest of Greeting, Great Lady of Many Years. Hail Mythal.”

“Most impressive. You live yet. I see you accepted the third option.” I smiled at her. “And you,” she greeted gently, turning to him with a smile. He fell forward to his knees to hug her.

“My friend.” He was near in tears as she held him. I felt like I was intruding then, but as I went to step away she called to me.

“No. You will remain. You felt he should be here,” she said as she ran her hand by his head and smiled fondly, “You should be here too.” I settled in the grass then, my feet tucked up under me, my hands on my knees.

“Then I will wait.” She smiled at me before she looked back down at him with nothing short of pity.

“Oh, my dear wolf,” she began and it was mighty Mythal that took his face in her hands to smile sadly down at him as the tears lined his cheeks. I had to look away then. His pain echoed through me and it was all I could do to manage not to cry.

“You were dead,” he whispered. “I held your body, you were dead.” She smiled at him.

“You are not the only trickster, dear friend.” He tried to smile past the tears, but they won. “Come cry then, as you once did,” she said and held him to her. “Cry now in happiness though, for you have all; your friend restored to you, by a woman that you love.” She laughed lightly then. “No more tears for loneliness, dear wolf. No more whining against my breasts for a woman to love past the looks, past the power. No more tears over a friend you only believed was lost. I have watched, I have learned.” She sat back slightly to smile down at him. “We have much to discuss you and I, regarding our enemies.” His eyes went large then. “We are safe here. They no more knew of this place than you did.” She looked over at me then and I bowed to her. “I am surprised she could find it.” 

“It is easier to find somewhere when you know where it is,” I told her. She laughed.

“Oh yes,” then she looked down at him still chuckling, “a perfect match for my enigmatic hound.” Solas smiled sadly up at her. The realization still sinking in.

_My love._ He looked over at me. _I would never deceive you, my heart. She stands before you sure as we draw breath._ He smiled then and looked up at her.

“Indeed. A perfect match.” He rose slowly then and she smiled up at him.

I hadn’t realized previously that he was even taller than the Mighty Mythal. _I knew she was tall and lean and beautiful, but somehow I never expected Solas to tower over her so._

He smiled over at me. _Come to me_. I smiled and rose and stepped to him as he opened his arms. “We were only here because I hurt, because I missed my friend.”

“No,” Mythal said shaking her head. “You are here because she knew what to say to convince Abelas she should be allowed within. You are here because you lost your temper again, wolf, and you were trying to show her places in your mind that she didn’t need to see.” He flushed.

“Please,” I began and she looked down at me. “I made this choice.”

Mythal laughed. “Yes. You did, and you would choose to stand between him and every Evanuris there is.” I nodded.

“And I’ll massacre any that think to harm him.”

She smiled then and those yellow eyes took an eerie light for a moment.

“And if I chose to harm him?” I sighed.

“Then I would have to take us away, as I promised Abelas that I did not come here to harm you, so I will not.” She laughed and the glow of her eyes faded.

“She will be a handful, wolf. Are you certain you can handle that much woman?”

Solas smiled and wrapped a possessive arm around my middle. “I am certain I will severe the spirits of any that try to separate us. I am certain I love her and that she loves me, even if she does not yet fully understand its depth,” he added looking down at me briefly before meeting Mythal’s gaze. “I am certain I would have gone through the next few centuries still believing I’d lost all if not for her.” Mythal smiled gently then. “I am indebted to her, almost as deeply as I am in love with her. My dearest friend, alive and before me?” He shook his head. “I could not have dreamed it so.”

Mythal stepped closer to us, placing one hand to each of our faces. “You speak so deeply, Solas.” His name on her lips was a special prayer and one I did not understand. “Does she know?”

“More,” he answered and smiled down at me. I would lay waste galaxies to have that smile turned on me. He slid a finger under my chin to look up at him. He grinned and met his friend’s gaze once more. “She knows, and she is just as dedicated to the cause as I am.”

“Speak the cause then, Wolf,” Mythal challenged.

“I,” he began but I beat him to it.

“I will find the Evanuris, one by one, and I will lay waste those that have hurt him.” She smiled down at me with an expression that mirrored ‘really?’. “I will sunder Andruil’s bow and encase her spirit in the darkest crystal I can find before I cast it into the sun to shatter.” Mythal threw a half surprised grin at me before I continued. “I will find Falon’din and make him wish he had died before I finish with him. I already know where to find Dirthamen and I will raise him to slaughter him a hundred times before I crush his soul out of existence. I will burn Sylaise’s glade to the ground and then her with it. And when all the others are gone, I will find Elgan’nan.” Solas gasped from beside me and Mythal threw me a disbelieving look. “I will find him, Great Lady, and though I would like to say I will avenge what he did to you or what he has done to my lover, I will have no spare thought available for that. When Elgan’nan stands before me as you do now, it will be a battle beyond wills or wants. Only one of us is walking out of that.” I sighed. “At the moment,” I swallowed, “I’m not sure which one it will be.”

Her smile was slow forming then but she burst into laughter as it reached its length across her beautiful face. “At least you do not deceive yourself.” When she got her laughter back under control, she said, “Strangely enough, da’len, little one,” she translated, “I believe you.” Solas gasped again then and I looked up. He was looking at her. “Do not look at me so, Wolf. Tell me you do not believe. Tell me that knowing what you know, what I just saw, so I know you saw it as well, tell me you do not believe she will lay waste the others as she finds them.”

Solas was silent for a while as I felt him weigh through his thoughts. Finally, he snuggled his head against mine. “I am afraid to answer,” he stated on a whisper.

“Afraid or not, you will answer,” Mythal demanded.

He closed his eyes and burrowed into my hair at my neck. “I believe,” he admitted. “And that frightens me beyond all else.”

“Why does it frighten you, ma lath?” I asked, turning to take his face in my hands. I would do anything to ease him. Surely he knew that.

He laid his hands over mine and looked down at me sadly. “Because,” he began and sighed heavily, “Because I was not there with you in a single one of those images.” I paused. I had never considered him being nearby, but I would need him not to be, I would need to be able to focus on my enemy.

“Solas.”

“I believe,” he repeated looking down at me. “I believe you will bring about their end, but that also frightens me, Vhenan. You mustn’t do that; you mustn’t challenge Elgan’nan alone.” I knew that tone.

“Solas.” 

“Promise me, Vhenan. Athena, I will not argue with you on this and I will have no debate. Promise me.” His eyes bore down into mine and I realized then that Mythal was watching no less closely.

My mouth moved and I shook my head a moment before I said, “I can’t.”

“Of course not,” Mythal said from behind me before he could speak, “And a truly foolish thing for you to ask, wolf.” He glared up at her. “It was foolish. She loves you beyond reason, you know that. If there is any chance she can fight without endangering you, she will, no different than any woman in love.”

His gaze dropped then in sadness and the gloved hand wedged between mine as I heard her behind me.

His gaze lifted to hers then in regret and pain. “We, as women, protect what is only natural to protect, and this dragon you love so, will rend galaxies at your whim. She may even be more powerful than I was,” she stated in a ‘sort-of, kind-of, not-really-going-to-admit-to-it’ sort of way. Solas smiled kindly at her and shifted his gaze down to mine.

He stared down at me a moment before he spoke. “Does the fact that I am not bound to you by ritual bother you, vhenan?”

“It bothers every woman, you foolish wolf. Even a wolf demands her mate take her according to traditions the first time.” I grinned.

_Not sure if that was according to tradition, but sure_. Solas chuckled.

“Do you wish him wed to you, girl?”

“No,” I said quickly shaking my head and squeezing my eyes shut. “I am happy for what I have. I will not force that from him.” A strong hand gripped my chin but I ignored it. “Such a binding has different meanings for my people than it does here. I would not,” I sighed and met his gaze then as he glared down at me. “Things are different for my people. A mate is something you have that you keep while you want it to me. Solas says it is something permanent, beyond rite or ritual.”

“That is because to us, to him, a mate is someone you bind to more deeply than any flowing of words, whether your own or from a priest, or anyone else for that matter. To be mate to the Dread Wolf is to be bound to him beyond marriage, beyond life or even death. Your linking will be far greater, but is the ceremony what you want? That is what he so ineloquently was asking. Do you seek a ceremony to publically declare your bond?” I smiled as I looked up at him and realized his oldest friend and pegged him flat.

“No,” I said smiling at him. “I do not require the public acknowledge it. I’ll fry the next serving girl I see doting on him, but a few of those and it’ll stop.” Mythal burst into laughter as Solas grinned down at me. “I am yours, ma lath, My Solas. I do not need ritual for that. Why do you ask?” He leaned down and kissed me briefly.

“Don’t ever say it again,” he stated and I realized then what he meant.

_Varric?_ His expression confirmed and I leaned up to kiss him again. As he pulled higher I realized also that he would have his answer first. “I believe we can conclude this back home. Enjoy your time with your friend, lin’or ma vhenan. I will wait.”

“I will hear your answer as well, girl, especially considering how first we met.” I closed my eyes and smiled. Solas was looking at her in question as I looked back up at him.

“We met when I blacked out, ma lath.” He looked down at me confused. “When I flew too high and black out.” I watched the ache register across his face as he remembered _that_ hunt.

“Then you,” he began.

“Hmph.” That was Flemeth. “I do as I please, little wolf.” Solas smiled at her though.

I let my eyes drop from his face then. _He demanded it, but it was a question and one that must be answered, Athena._ I squeezed my eyes shut. _How? It…I_, I sighed and grit my teeth against the next thought. _It is a pleasant dream to believe that Solas, the Dread Wolf, the Savior of the People, and most talented mage to ever exist would want _anything_ to do with me. But this,_ I sighed and fought my own emotions then. I think one of them started talking around that time, but I needed to focus, needed to put all from my mind. _Yes, I love him. Yes, I want to be with him, even beyond the Evanuris._ I sighed again. _What difference to_ that_ selfish want though? I want, more than any of that, more than anything…I want him to be happy._ I felt my arms come in tight then, holding tight to my chest as I felt the pain begin radiating off of me. Yelling, somewhere in the background yelling but distant. _Wasn’t that what started this? Wasn’t that the whole reason you didn’t leave Haven before all of this could happen, before there was any chance of hurt? Because I couldn’t leave him, I couldn’t let him suffer. If it cost me all, I would give it. I just want him to be happy. My life was of no consequence beside that. I could not bare to see him kneel before those broken shards. I would not let the Evanuris torture him any longer. Stronger, had to be stronger. I would become his defender, his sheath; and if I shattered to protect the sword within then I would have done my job, I would have done what was needed. I love him. Nothing matters beyond him. Let the planets burn and the cosmos go dark, I only need him. Even if he were not mine, even if I could never have him again. Let me have the smile and I would set worlds ablaze. Let me live around him, to gaze on him from a distance, I would create anything he desired. I want him for my own, but I am beyond happy just to be near him, to have him smile at me. To hold and have is beyond my desire because I never thought it possible. I am just me. I am just a single girl. Dragon girl, sure, but just a simple girl. What could I ever be, to something as powerful and wonderful as the Dread Wolf? No,_ I thought. _I do not deserve him. I will not bind him to me. He deserves-_ Suddenly my face stung and I was laying sideways on the ground.

Flemeth’s hand was still high in the air from the strike. “Foolish.” It was declaration as much as word. I panicked then as I looked down. Solas was kneeling in the grass, his hand bunched around a clod of dirt as the other held tight to his chest. I scrambled up trying to reach him, but a second heat wave struck me and I stood against it this time. I felt my own eyes blaze as I met Flemeth that time. She shook her head. “It is not both, girl,” she declared. “You love him and he is yours to protect, or you _don’t_.” He doubled with the pain and felt the translucent shards pull to her as I went to move again.

_How dare you interfere between a dragon and her mate!_ I felt her swell within and blast a dragon roar, swallowing down the translucent fibers away from Asha’bellanar. Flemeth froze looking at me then. I swallowed the fibers and glared at her. “Mine!” It was a growl.

“Then claim him,” she challenged. Solas gasped, barely containing the scream as he came above the ground. I watched those tendrils running from him get yanked skyward. His face contorted in pain and it took a moment to realize what those tendrils were, but as it registered my gaze snapped back to her.

“You dare-”

“No, foolish girl. This is your doing,” she stated. It wasn’t accusatory, just fact. I was puzzled and she laughed. “You are the one that said no.” I roiled at that. “Take what is yours, dragon-girl, or release it,” she challenged then as she went to draw in Fade energy again. I quashed that one even faster, biting and tearing at the Fade lines she pulled through the Veil.

“Mine!”

“Prove it!” He curled upward, trying to ball fetal but the tendrils had him face up and the movement made it worse. His pain echoed through me. “Only one way to him, girl. I won’t play these games with you. He is yours or not. Choose!”

_Choose?_ I sat back a moment then and he writhed once more. _Choose._ I lifted one great pentadactyl claw to my chest (don’t ask when I shifted, I’m not sure), but the scimitar long claws slid passed my scales. I struggled against the pain a moment before I removed them. The blood dripped down my hand a moment.

“You think to use blood magic to win this one, girl?”

“No.” I smeared the blood across my hands and reached out then. The tendrils lashing around him responded immediately, sinking deep under the scales and skin. It hurt, Gods, it hurt so badly; like a hundred pencils being shoved into the skin all at once. I trembled against it, gritting my teeth to the pain. She could not severe what the dragon had made, that thought hit me with ‘choose’. If he could not, no way she could. My own pool of power pulled those tendrils closed and will strength and healing back into his body from my own as he writhed under it.

I breathed heavily for a while after that, though Flemeth stood grinning at me as Solas settled in the grass. “Mine,” I declared through a heavy breath finally.

“Indeed,” she agreed and walked over to him. He slept now, peacefully against the grass, but he was not hers and the dragon snapped her mate to her side. “Think I’d hurt him?”

“He’s hurt enough.”

“We agree on that. Try to remember it in the future,” she suggested and left as she had come. I lifted him gently into one massive paw, careful of my claws and held him to my heart as I shifted back slowly. I held his limp form against me as we stood again. He was heavier this way but I found it kind of cute how he slumped against me in sleep.

“Let’s go home, ma lath.” I felt for the dragon and we pooled will to take us back. I misjudged slightly and we ended up in the rotunda base room. Thankfully, Josephine had already had the couch placed. I laid him against it and descended the steps quickly as I was again without clothing. I threw on my single robe and grabbed up a few furs before taking the stairs back up three at a time. He still slept as I crested the final step and adjusted my breathing. So peaceful-looking in rest. I placed a fur about his shoulders and tucked it over his feet. _One kiss, then I can retire_. I leaned down and brushed my lips across his forehead once before I turned only to be halted.

His hand was gripped tight around my wrist and his eyes had come open.

“Atishan, ma lath. We are home. It’s alright. Go back to sleep,” I said gently. His eyes caught mine then and grief and fear met me. “No, ma lath. I am yours,” I said as I knelt by the couch.

_But, you said_

“I have done many stupid things in my life, Solas. I won’t lose you, as that would top all of them put together.” I ran my spare hand across his face, to cup his cheek. “I have the man I’ve dreamed of all my life. What manner of fool would I have to be to lose him now?” He smiled sadly.

“Please don’t.” It was a hoarse whisper. I leaned down and kissed him then, willing tender water to his vocal cords, easing the pain and hoarse effects.

As I sat up, I smiled at him. “You’ll have to kill me to get rid of me now, Solas. Otherwise, you’re stuck with me.”

He smiled and shifted up.

“Solas. Rest, ma lath. You’re exhausted.” He wouldn’t hear it though. He sat up and took my face in his hands, falling forward onto the floor between us to kiss me. I kissed him back, but worriedly, I ran healing magic over his legs and felt him grin into the kiss. He leaned up to look down at me, that same smile and though I loved it, I worried for him. “Solas, you need rest. This is not good for you.” He kissed me again then, but I didn’t need his thought to translate that one.

_Be quiet, Athena_. He indulged himself in that kiss for several minutes before deciding the floor of the rotunda was warm enough, why not.

The ‘why not’ wouldn’t be discovered until morning, when one particular Knight-Commander happen to go through the rotunda to get to the dining hall and found two elves barely covered by the furs about them and various clothing strewn everywhere. “Oh, Maker’s breath.”

I came full awake and at a roll up onto my feet. Sadly, Solas was not quite fast enough on the draw this time, and I stood before the Commander as bare as the first day we’d met. He lifted his hand to cover his face and looked away. “Could you take this down to your chamber perhaps?” he asked awkwardly after a moment.

“Apologies, Commander,” Solas began. “We will gather our things and descend.” I smiled as I stood up right and breathed an air of relief.

Cullen grunted and walked the rest of the way through, being certain to close the far door to the dining hall.

I reached out to the Fade and pulled all the garments (his included) to me in a nice pile and began my walk down. Solas snatched up the fur and began padding after me. “I don’t suppose you’d let me dress before we began this.” I stopped to smile up at him.

“You could always fade-jump us if it’s that important,” I suggested with a smile. He took my arm then and did exactly that.

“My clothing,” he half-demanded as he tossed the fur onto the bed and released my arm. I smiled up at him and purposely tossed it all over my shoulder behind me as I continued to smile up at him.

“After,” I said and stepped to him. I felt his heat kick up higher as I touched his chest.

“After what, Vhenan?” he asked, holding as still as he could. He was very good about body control and not letting himself show anything he didn’t want. I chuckled at the thought and let my hands trail slowly up over his muscular shoulders.

“You can always say no,” I stated smiling up into his eyes then. He half-growled before his fingers bit into my ass and he pulled me to him for a punishing kiss for a moment.

“That word can drift into the void,” he growled and then lifted me against him. My legs naturally came up around behind him and my arms latched behind his neck as his teeth found my ears and then my neck. I mewled against him then, trying desperately to get closer. He dropped us onto the bed and smiled down at me a moment.

_My Solas, my love._

His expression saddened then. _Would it help?_ I let my hands slid down his neck to hold his face.

“Would what help, Solas?” I knew I would find just as much answer waiting as I would searching his eyes but it didn’t slow the attempt. He smiled sadly down at me and kissed me briefly. “What is it, ma lath?”

“I’ve never known her to be wrong,” he said after a moment. His thumbs rubbed gently over the skin of my hips as he stared down at the furs.

I sighed and sat up, pulling his face to mine, but I wouldn’t let him push me back down into the furs. “Solas.”

“Would it help? To declare it publically, would it help?” I sighed and shook my head lightly.

“Normally, Vhenan, I would not dream to declare the Lady Mythal wrong, but in this case she is, she really is,” he went to speak and I slid my hand over his mouth. “No, ma lath. It wouldn’t help.” He paused. “The fault was never yours to fix, ma vhenan.” The confusion in his eyes spoke volumes. I swallowed hard and looked down at his chest then. “I’ve never had a lover, you know that.” I let my hands drop to his shoulders then. “I-I don’t truly understand, I mean. This is all new to me, Solas. I,” I sighed again and shook my head. “I sound like a blubbering fool.”

He chuckled and slid a knuckle under my chin. My eyes rose to meet his and what I found shocked me silent. He was just staring down at me, with an intensity of love I couldn’t grasp. “Ar lath, Athena.” I managed to pull in a breath then and the smile in his eyes said he noticed. “I don’t need you to change, just realize,” he began and lifted me to him. He kissed me gently, and then leaned over me until my back hit the furs. _Realize that I love you, that I want to spend my life with you, loving you, making love to you, living in love with you. I did not choose lightly, my Heart. Stay with me, Athena. That’s all I ask of you, stay with me and let me love you._ His lips traced a path past my cheek and over my throat.

_Solas._

_ Hush, my love_, he urged kissing over my collar bone as I felt my body heat in response to the gentle touch, the infinitely light pressure. _You don’t need to say anything, just let me love you._ His kissed down my chest and I felt my breath quickening as I felt his weight shift.

_Gods, not this again. I can never find words in any language when he_-

He grinned up at me as he continued kissing down my stomach. _No words, Athena. There is no more need for words._ His lips grazed my hip and I bit back the response, then the other hip and I fought to disguise how quick that breath came in. _Give me my dragon_. The declaration was punctuated with a deep lick and I gasped, grasping fingers into his shoulders. _Come for me, my love. Let me love you. Come to me, my dragon_. He slid his hands over my thighs, massage patterns that only tightened me further as his tongue worked songs from me as skillfully as any virtuoso. I was his, his instrument, his lover, his heart and the thoughts merely excited me further.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
Atishan= Easy, be at peace  
Ahnsul ma numinas= Why do you cry  
Esayan Mythal Enansal= I seek the blessing/gift of Mythal  
Judirtha’I’em= Will you speak with me?  
lin’or Ma Vhenan= blood of my heart  
Ar lath= I love you


	12. Crestwood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas and Cole must leave for Crestwood, and only the day after Solas and Athena finally hammered out their actual relationship status. The newly tightly bonded couple must take the plunge and taste the pangs of long distance relationship (no cell phones included)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story contains massive spoilers for the game. Please note, that if you are reading, I take no responsibility for ruining game plot you haven't gotten to yet.  
Also, I use multiple songs within the story. I do not claim ownership to these songs. All copyrights belong to the original authors. (I'm just a huge fan :P)

Chapter 12: Crestwood

I smiled as I walked the hall later, remembering his needs buried in my skin, in my heart. I couldn’t explain how happy I was. No bride has ever felt as complete, I could promise that. I smiled gently as I wove between people bustling about. They prepared for the journey start tomorrow. I wandered to the yard and found Cassandra beating madness into a dummy on the far side of the inner courtyard. I walked to her and nodded a greeting.

She paused. “Good evening to you too.” She sighed. “That, did not come out as I meant it.” I smiled and nodded. “You are certain?” she asked and I cocked my head to the side in question. “I should go with him for this?” I smiled, and then placed a hand to my heart, lifting it away into a fist as I willed strength in my gaze. “He will need my strength?” I nodded again and placed that hand on her shoulder. She nodded. She understood then that it was her strength specifically he would need. “You have a lot of faith in me.” I nodded again and smiled up at her. “That was meant to be an accusation.”

I stepped back and bowed slightly with a grin, then pointed to her, tapped my chest over my heart twice and then fisted the hand above it.

“You believe I am strong enough to handle it.” I nodded again. She sighed. “I hope you are right.” I chuckled.

I tapped my hand to my heart, and then held up two fingers.

She smiled. “You too, huh?” I nodded and she grinned. “I suppose all we can do is hope.” I shook my head and as she went to ask, I folded my hands together in front of my chest as if in prayer. She smiled then and said, “Yes, and pray.” She paused and the question drifted across her face. I cocked my head to inquire and she smiled. “Do you,” she paused. I willed her a ‘go on’ in expression and she looked away at the dummy. “Do you believe he was sent by the Maker?” She glanced back over at me and I shook my head with a smile, then placed my right hand far past my left shoulder and drew it in a massive arc over my head and passed the right side. “I’ll find out later?” I nodded again. “I had hoped,” I took her hand then and smiled encouragingly up at her. I released one hand to touch my heart and harden the hand into a fist before touching my lips and drifting fingers skyward after. “I don’t understand.” I smiled and repeated slowly. First the hand to heart. “My strength?” I nodded then touched my lips and mouthed voicelessly. “My voice?” I nodded again and looked skyward. “The Sky?” I shook my head and folded my hands before my chest again and she grinned. “The Maker?” I nodded. She smiled at me. “My strength is my faith in the Maker.” I nodded and touched her scarred cheek gently. “It is hard not to doubt.” I nodded and smiled at her. She sighed. “Thank you.” I grinned and bowed off as I walked up the stairs to the tower.

For all the emotions filling me nearly as completely as he did, I needed to sing, even if only for a moment. I would go inside after a song, I just needed to sing.

[[[He tried to paint but after his third wasted batch, he set them aside. He just couldn’t concentrate enough to blend the colors properly. He sat at his desk in the rotunda, leafing through papers, reports, surveys, movements. His concentration for anything seemed off today. He sighed. He knew why he couldn’t concentrate; everything in him rebelled against the concept of leaving his lover here, without her full strength, especially so soon after solidifying their actual relationship status. It was wrong to him. He supposed that if she were not here it might not have bothered him so to spend a month or more exploring a new area with Cole and the Seeker and the mostly-obedient Adaar. The idea of learning had always appealed to him but. He caught himself sighing again.

_I am no forlorn adolescent_, he growled at himself. He rose and paced for a moment before his ears picked up a sound just as the Spymaster entered the room. She was adept at moving unnoticed and he smiled inwardly as he feigned shock that she arrived on her greeting. “Good evening, Spymaster.”

“Where is your guest?” she asked looking around.

“She wished to walk the courtyards for a while.”

“And you did not go with her?” He raised an eye brow. “Oh, Solas. For all your wisdom you seem to lack basic knowledge.” The other eye brow joined its mate. “You should have gone with her. All women crave attention, Solas. I doubt she is _that_ different.”

The voice from the door was a welcome one, even if the Spymaster had no idea what she was saying. “You are right in one part, Spymaster,” the voice of his lover came from the doorway of the main hall. Leliana turned and he watched near breathlessly as she entered. Teaching her to dance would not be a challenge. She nearly glided in her basic walk. He smiled at her as she entered and bypassed the Spymaster to come snuggle into his arms. For a moment, Solas foolishly feared they would both hear how hard his heart was beating.]]]

I’ve never been a jealous creature; always territorial but never jealous, so when I came back in from brief walk, mildly chilled and found Leliana in the rotunda, I didn’t immediately think anything of it, until she referred to him so, _casually_. I fought the urge to bear my teeth as I told her she was right about one part of her statement. When she turned to face me I moved calmly, I needed to move calmly or I’d reach over and pop that pretty little head right off her shoulders like a cork. I willed my body the slow fluid motion to his side. I snuggled down against him and threw a possessive glare up at Leliana.

“All women crave attention,” his arm tightened around me. “Some are just content with the attention they are given.” He smiled down at me as he translated.

“She says you are partially right, Spymaster. That all women crave attention but that some are content with what attentions they are given.”

Leliana looked disbelievingly down at me and I fought the urge to issue a challenging roar up at her. She would not understand. She was raised to know the Game, the finite movements of face and hand and dance that cost lives in Orlais. She was no animal, brutal at times, but no animal. Instead, I gave her what she would understand and stepped closer to Solas purposely presenting her with my back.

“I require warmth, ma lath, and this room lacks it. I’ll be below.” I leaned up and kissed him briefly before throwing one last warning look at Leliana and began my descent. He smiled after me to the door. I tried to calm myself as I walked down the stairs.

_Leliana does not see him that way, you know she doesn’t. Calm down. If she so much as touches him,_ the dragon growled. I sighed. _She won’t. I know she won’t. She has no interest there. Don’t focus on it. _I decided then to try a Cole suggestion and just sing as I descended. “Whenever I feel afraid, I hold my head erect, and whistle a happy tune, so no one will suspect, I’m afraid.” I could practically see the archaic dress on the school teacher and it made me grin. _No way this side of the Fade I ever wear one of those_.

[[[“What did she say?” Leliana asked as the singing died off to the distance.

“She is cold and descends to find the warmth of our fire.” He’d chosen his words purposely and he knew Leliana would not miss them. She nodded.

“Do you understand what she’s singing?”

He smiled, “Yes. It is a song about facing fears and ways to cope with it.”

“Most interesting. I may have to ask you to pen it for me at some point. I did not come to discuss that with you though.” Solas straightened slightly and pretended for a moment that the Spymaster had his full attention, though he could hear his lover’s thoughts and it made not smiling difficult.

“Do you intend to hold me in suspense?” he finally asked.

Leliana sighed. “The Inquisitor would like to leave before first light tomorrow.” He could not know how very much he showed Leliana in that moment. The breath might as well have been pulled forcefully from his throat and lungs, but Leliana pressed on, concealing her observations. “He insists he would like to create as little fuss as possible, so it only to be shared with those that are leaving.” Solas nodded. “Solas.” He met her eyes again. “Is there any chance she will go with you?”

Solas sighed. “I doubt it, but I will relay your question. She was adamant about the fact that she is not yet fully recovered.”

Leliana nodded. “If,” she began and waited until she was sure she had his full attention, “she does not go, what do I need to know?”

“She is not some pet I’m leaving with you, Spymaster,” Solas growled. Leliana smiled softly at him and he coughed and cleared his expression. “That may have come off more severely than intended.”

She grinned. “Apology accepted, but I will need to know if there is anything I need to look out for. I think of her less as some pet as an ailed child.” Solas nodded slowly.

That was probably for the best, so he tried to address it from that perspective. “I had not considered,” he began and coughed to correct himself. “She does have a temperature sensitivity.” Leliana cocked her head to the side. “She can be outside in the wind, but not for prolonged periods or her body will just stop producing enough heat to keep her warm or to warm back up after. She absolutely cannot be outside in the snow.” Leliana nodded and he realized she was categorizing everything. He shrugged, “Other than that, really she just needs to get more meat in her diet.” She looked confused at that, so he explained. “She’s been eating nibbles of whatever is laid out on the table. She’s a dragon,” Solas stated.

Leliana quirked a brow. “What do you mean by that, Solas?”

He sighed. _Better that Leliana at least fully understand._ “Where most mages are elf or human first and change shape into bears, birds, or whatever, she isn’t.” Leliana cocked her head to the side. “She is dragon.”

“So, she’s a dragon, masquerading as an elf?”

“I mean that exactly. She is dragon. Her natural form, hence why she shifted into that when the pain overwhelmed her on the path here, is dragon.” Leliana heaved a few breaths. “Being dragon though, she cannot go on eating bits and pieces of whatever is laid out in the dining hall.” Leliana nodded in a ‘get that’ sort of way. “She needs meat, if not daily then at least every other day.”

“How much meat do you think she will require?”

He chuckled and Leliana met eyes with a true smile, the first she’d seen on Solas. “As long as she is eating regularly, no more than your average growing child.” Leliana quirked an eyebrow then. “Yes, Spymaster, she is growing. The dragon all saw on the way here was only an adolescent form. In the next few months she will be more irritable and probably wish to bathe and sleep far more often, but she will grow. I expect by the end of the next year she will have reached her full potential and her eating habits will slack then to only really needing a full goat or sheep every other week.”

“A full goat?”

“You could do less, though I won’t promise how that will affect her temper. A full dragon is usually far more acquiescent to others.” Leliana swallowed notably then and he chuckled. “I don’t imagine she’ll get hungry enough in the next few months to do that, Spymaster; even should you not feed her at all. Though, truthfully, _I_ wouldn’t risk it.” Leliana nodded.

“Goat a day, gotcha.” She seemed to stumble with that.

He smiled. “Really just that and the temperature should cover any need she’ll really have. I would not suggest trying to play dress up or anything like that,” he stated on a grin and Leliana glared at him. “I was not just referring to you, Spymaster. The Ambassador does have a tendency to try to, adjust everyone’s garments and I don’t imagine Aethien will be amenable to it.” Leliana laughed.

“Josie can be a bit of a force of nature with it, but I will advise her otherwise.” Solas nodded. “Was there anything else?”

“Don’t treat her like a child, Spymaster. She does not require constant supervision and will likely get pert with you should you attempt it. For your own sake, give her her space.” Leliana smiled. “That should be all. If I think of anything else, I’ll write it down and leave it for you in the morning.” She grinned.

“Anxious to check on her all the same?”

“I don’t like when she admits that she’s cold. It usually means she will require magical warmth to recover.”

“Then I leave you to it.”

“Thank you, Spymaster,” Solas said on a bow and stepped toward the hallway door.

“Oh, and Solas.” He turned and she smiled. “Good work on the wall. It’s beautiful.”

“Thank you.” He flushed slightly and proceeded down stairs then. He was only half truthful with Leliana. He did want to be sure Athena was alright, but he found he missed having her in his arms and the news that they were leaving so early set his heart to aching. A few moments and he decided to just fade-jump to the room.]]]

I entered our room and willed the fire start. I looked down at the flames for a few minutes. While singing blunted it, I was fuming. He was mine. She had no right to address him so casually. But still the arguments continued in my mind. I knew Leliana. I knew all of her secrets, I knew who she fancied and I knew why. Solas was about as far from her taste as could be. I knew she didn’t have interest there…Still I fumed down at the flames.

I stripped down then. I’d wanted to try this before, and since I was angry enough to do it, it might as well be now. _You mean when he is busy talking and can’t just show up down here. _I felt his distress at the thought. _I am fine, my love. Just calming down._ That didn’t seem to help but I blocked his thoughts from my head then. I needed to focus. I willed into the fire and it erupted higher.

“Come to me.” The command extended, I reached out and the flames licked out to spit and circle my arms. It didn’t burn, it didn’t reach past the fine casing of my will over my arms. I wreathed my arms in flames then directed it around my core and down my legs. It flared out around me a moment. It was comforting warm, like sitting in an electric blanket on a cool day. I felt him appear behind me.

_Athena!_

I smiled and focused, willing the fire to return to the fireplace and it obeyed, slowly drifting off of me and back into the logs. I turned to smile at him then.

“Just warming myself up, Vhenan. Do not worry so for me.” I smiled up at him as he crossed and immediately began examining my arms and sides, then my face. I held his wrist as he went to turn my face by the chin. “I am unhurt, Solas. I promise.” He sighed then got angry.

“What would cause you to try such a stupid,” he began but I started laughing then and I don’t think that helped his temper any.

“I had a theory,” I stated and smiled up at him, a smiled that shifted into a snarl as I added, “and _Leliana_ demanded your attention.” He smiled down at me.

“Unnecessary,” he stated and we both understood. I snorted and swallowed.

“Perhaps.” He kissed me briefly then and sat up right.

“What was this theory of yours, Vhenan?” Always in pursuit of knowledge and I smiled up at the gaze I loved so.

“You mentioned that snow, cold was basically my nemeses.” He nodded. “It stands to reason that if cold is damaging to that level, fire would be nearly as helpful, if applied properly.” He raised that eyebrow. “I cased my body in a small barrier, barely above my actual skin and demanded the fire come to me.” The other eyebrow joined its mate. “Watch,” I stated and stepped back from him. He made no move but watched intently. I brought my will in tight around me. I made the barrier clear, not blue like his, but perfectly see-through. I reached to the fire then. “Come to me.”

Again the fire licked and spit and wrapped up that arm slowly in jagged waves and warmth. I watched and directed it across my core to the other hand, where I held a fire near the size of the one to my side in the palm of my hand. Then I turned and ‘dropped’ it back into the fireplace.

He passed a hand over his face before speaking. “You,” he began then sighed. “No, I don’t suppose you do.” I raised an eye brow to him now. “I was about to ask if you realize that almost any mage wreathed in fire as you had been is usually possess by-”

“A rage demon? Yes, I know. But I am no average mage. I am dragon.” _And what I would give for the ability at the moment to actually lash my tail_. He chuckled and took my face in his hands.

“You continue to surprise me, Vhenan. And you’ll adjust to the need.” I cocked my head slightly to the side. He grinned. “My oldest friends would love to tell how many times they would find me actually barking at someone or howling up at the sky solely for the need.” I chuckled then. The image was amusing. I laid my hand over his left and snuggled into his touch.

_I’ll make due with simply having this for now_.

He sighed then and the sad face I met as my eyes came back open worried me. He cleared his throat, then in Elven said, “The boy wants to leave before first light. Something about avoiding a fuss.” I smiled up at him then. “I don’t like leaving you here that long, especially,” he began and tried to look away.

“Solas.” He met my gaze. _I will be here, my heart. I will wait for you._ He pulled me to him on a sigh and kissed me soundly.

“Ar lath, ma vhenan. I just worry for you,” he stated as he snuggled me close to him. I nudged under his chin then and the wolf responded curling closer.

_Don’t._ He scoffed. _You said it yourself, my love, we are bonded. I will feel you anywhere, and you me._ A dirty thought hit me then. _I might have to experiment with that in other aspects later, but…_He chuckled then and snuggled tight to me. “I love you, Solas. I will be here when you return. Do not worry so for me.” _I am dragon. There is nothing these ants could do to me_.

He laughed then and set me back to smile down at me. “Ants?”

“Yes. They are ants, scurrying about killing each other over scraps of land and food. They are a mild nuisance if enough of them try to hurt you at once, but they are no danger, Vhenan.” His smile broke into a grin and he leaned down to kiss me again.

As he sat back, setting his forehead to mine beside the skull, I could practically her my dragon purring.

_My beautiful Athena._

_All yours, my love._ He smiled and kissed me briefly again.

“I meant to get this to you yesterday, but we got a little distracted,” he stated as he lead me by the hand to his desk. How the container got from the floor to the desk, he didn’t bother trying to determine. He handed me the leather scroll case as he released me.

I looked up at him and tried to open it… meaning I flipped it over a dozen times looking for something to open it with, a latch or button or buckle. He chuckled then leaned over and popped the top off. I flushed lightly.

_They don’t use scrolls in your world?_ The flush spread as I unrolled the interior sheet of parchment carefully. I know I looked like an idiot sitting there holding the scroll with my mouth open. It was a perfectly detailed map of Thedas with the major cities marked and even the hashed lines of the country divisions.

“It’s beautiful,” I said looking up at him.

“It’s functional. I’ll get you a better one, later. This was just so we could go over all the time frames.” I smiled up at him as I remembered the conversation.

“We’ll need somewhere to secure it down.” He walked over and moved a few books from the desk, enough space to set the scroll on. I laid it down and he placed books on the edge to hold it. I sighed. _This would work better with a full sized map like the War Table, but this isn’t for the rest of them so we’ll make due_, I thought as I began looking the map over and placing spots in my mind. There were places that weren’t marked yet on there and I placed a finger over the fort in the Western Approach, then over the old ruins of Adamant fortress as I searched Fereldan for Crestwood. _Crestwood isn’t here._

He leaned over my shoulder then and placed a finger on the map. “It should be here.” I looked up at him and he smiled. I shook my head before I drifted back off into just staring up at him.

“So from here to Crestwood should take about how long, standardly?”

He paused looking down at the map. “Nine or ten days, pending weather.”

I sighed. 

“I know, ma vhenan. Better we both get this out there though. Where to from Crestwood?” I nodded and focused.

_We are just recounting for the story sake._ “From Crestwood to the Southern Tower of the Western Approach.”

“Hm.”

“How long?”

Silence for a moment then he sighed. “Close to, if not an entire month.” I squeezed my eyes shut.

_Just for story sake. Come on, Athena. _I forced myself to swallow and continued. _You knew it would be a while, you told him so. _I swallowed again looking down at the map. _Harder to actually see it though_. I sighed and forced myself to speak then. “When things are concluded in the Southern Tower, you will have to wait. He will have to send for his forces to march from Skyhold, and before you ask, no he cannot send them sooner. Things that must happen won’t if an entire army is trudging across the Dales without a specific purpose.”

“They will have specific purpose after the tower?”

“Yes.” I blinked and hoped he wouldn’t notice the tear drop on the map. “From,” I began but he turned me and held me.

“Athena.” A sweet whisper.

“It is far easier to deal with when I’m only relaying from the book. Seeing it, is, harder,” I stated as I cuddled into him. It would be more than two months because it would be that before Adamant and then they still had to march home; another month. _Solas._

“Atishan, ma Vhenan.” He stroked my hair down to my head and kissed the side of my temple. “I know.”

I lost it then. I cried hard against him. I finally had him, I had him and accepted it and in less than twelve hours, I would have to send him off for three months, and his return was not guaranteed. _If he doesn’t keep it hidden, if that demon in Adamant sees the wrong thing, says the wrong thing, he may not even be _able_ to come back._

“Athena.” He set me back to look down at me. “What demon could really hurt me, Vhenan?”

I shook my head, “No. Not you directly.” I was trying hard not to sob and he kissed me briefly.

“Ithas fra em, ma lath.” I looked up at him then and he smiled down at me. “What is it you specifically fear from this, Athena?”

_Fear, yes, it is a fear demon. He sees things like Cole sees them but bad, like an opposite Cole. How do I explain that?_

_ You just did_. I looked up at him and he grinned. _What do you think fear will find in me?_

I shook my head. “If he can reach, can find what you are and reveal it,” I sighed. “He will speak with each of you, he will try.”  
“That’s what demons do, Vhenan.” I sighed and looked up at him. “Ir abelas. Continue.” I looked away, I couldn’t face him for it.

“He will try to scare Cole into letting him take Cole’s memory from him. He will nudge on Cassandra’s fear that she was too late again, as with Anttony and with the head-cleric-person.”

“The Divine?”

“Yes, her.” I looked up at him then. “He doesn’t say any of it quietly or just to the individual.”

_You worry he will announce who I am?_ I nodded. He smiled down at me and ran his tongue over his lips before he spoke. I don’t think he even realized what a wolfish way he did it. “Vhenan. I have interacted with Spirits and Demons for a _very_ long time.” I smiled sadly up at him.

_ I know that, my love. But,_

He shook his head. “No, Vhenan, no but’s on this,” he stated and pressed my hair back behind my ear as he smiled down at me. “I will be careful, my Athena, but do not worry for me on this.” I went to speak again and he spoke first. “Trust me,” he stated.

_Solas._ I wrapped my arms behind his neck and snuggled up to him as he held me there.

“Do not worry, Vhenan.” He kissed my neck briefly and then snuggled me as he said, “I’m coming home to you, Athena. I promise it.” I felt it when he willed me his love, his assurance wrapping around me like a giant fleece blanket.

I couldn’t look at the map any more today, so we spent the evening just talking. Neither felt like mentioning the need for sleep or the approaching hour, neither mentioned travel or missing the other. We spoke of customs and of foods, differences in Thedas and my old world. I learned what he’d given me to eat was actually frostback ram. I explained lasagna to him. He told me of the Ancient Elvehn customs that seemed to be missing in the Dragon Age novels. Not the least of which is that only one disgraced would shave their head clear of hair. It had never occurred to me why Flemeth’s hair was always so long and beautiful. Her hair was actually just as long as mine at my knees. And Abelas had hair braided back down his back, and all the soldiers I could remember of the Arbor Wilds had long hair as well. I paused then and laid a hand over his on his lap.

“Solas?”

“Yes, Vhenan.” I looked up and he grinned then ran his other hand over his head. “This?” I looked sadly at him. “I did it to myself, Athena. Do not pity me.”

“I cannot do as you ask, Solas.” I sighed and approached it differently. “In what way were you disgraced?” He smiled.

_You should know that, my Heart._

_ You didn’t fail her though._

_ I did. The fact that she lives is a wonderful thing, but it does not remove the fact that I couldn’t be there to stop it_. I felt the tears sting my eyes and he leaned down and kissed me briefly. “I did what I did because _I_ felt it was right, Vhenan.”

I stayed silent in thought for a few minutes then a new thought hit me and I looked up at him. “How long was your hair before that? All of the myths say how proud of God/Elf you were. None were supposed to be your rival save Elgan’nan himself.” He grinned proudly then.

“Seems they got something closer to right.” He smiled and looked at the fire a moment. “This will be easier to show you.” He reached and I leaned back. I know my fear launched across my face and he froze.

“I don’t want to sleep.” It took him only a moment to discern why and he smiled sadly down at me.

“While I understand, I will need rest for guiding the horse down snowy slopes tomorrow.” I looked away. I was being selfish and I knew it. I just didn’t want to give up my last few minutes with him for the next few months to sleep. He took my chin and guided my gaze back to his. “At least let me hold you while I can.”

I nodded and leaned into him then. “Ir abelas. I am being selfish.” His smile could be heard as he answered.

“In the future, you may be as selfish with me as you like, Vhenan.” I smiled sadly and leaned into his warmth, his scent easing some of the ache.

Then I was sitting on the stairs outside. Judging by the temperature and the lack of snow it had to be midsummer in this memory. I watched as the soldiers trained in the lower courtyard. Elves all, most wearing little but the tight pants that always made me laugh. I didn’t understand them until Leo had explained that they were mostly just a layer to keep from getting skin pinched in armor. I watched from my perch, legs hanging off the side of the parapet, as one soldier schooled three others, which might not have been as impressive save for the one being completely unarmed and the other three were armed to the teeth. The arrow deflected, the blade caught and slid perfectly on deft fingers to collide with the ground and give the one the opening to kick the other away quite a distance. He seemed to be enjoying himself was the worst part, laughing as they tried harder, not realizing their ire was only making things easier for him to bat them away.

I smiled as I watched. Then I remembered my question and looked out over them. Most had hair dropping down below their waists, either braided or multi-ponytailed. The leader of the ring, as I was taking to calling him, had solid black hair bound up in back in a dozen or more dreadlocks. The bun at the top of his head was half the size of his head. The blond he’d kicked had a braid down his back that lashed his own sides as he moved. He looked like he might have welts by morning. But the dark-haired leader showed no mercy in the ring. You kept up or you fell and he vanquished all comers.

_Quite the warrior_.

“Thank you,” Solas said from beside me. I smiled up at him.

“I assume he was one of your best?” Solas quirked an eye brow at me and I felt my insides drop and my gaze snapped back down to the dark-haired elf as he stood laughing over his vanquished ally/foes. “No.”

Solas laughed beside me and the sounds nearly matched and I looked back up at him in disbelief. “Why so hard to believe, Vhenan?”

“I, but, you’re not, I mean,” I sighed and cleared my thoughts. “You have always been an incredibly powerful mage.” He rose that eye brow then that asked why that should matter. “It doesn’t matter, but,” I began again and he grinned at me. I looked back down at the warriors as friends helped others out of the ring. The young girl that came to younger Solas with water was thanked curtly, and then pushed away as she attempted to straighten his locks.

“Ari, you should know better by now,” one of the soldiers shouted over. “He loves nothing more than that hair.” He grinned at the loud mouth.

“I haven’t seen you in the ring yet today, Forreh. Your turn.”

“Etunash.”

“Get your lazy self in here. For amusement, I’ll even let you pick a whole team. Who’s up for it?”

I smiled down at him, arms spread wide, welcoming all comers. It was a moment of pride for me that my mate held Alpha over all.

“But,” Solas said continuing my thought from beside me and I looked back up. I smiled at him then shook my head and looked below again as he schooled Forreh and his stockier friend.

“I suppose it’s more that, I had never considered the possibility. Where I am from, you are either mage, or warrior. Less than one in a trillion are capable of both.”

“What of your dragons?”

“They are dragons,” I stated as if that should explain everything. He raised his eye brow again. “A dragon is admired for its might and magic in a large part because it is so rare to have both.” Solas chuckled.

“Every soldier you see down there,” he began and I nodded, “could cast better than Dorian or Vivienne together. A few got close to rivaling me.”

“High praise.” We sat in silence a moment. I smiled at my own question to follow as I looked up at him. “Will you grow it back out now?” he looked down at me puzzled. “Your hair.” He scoffed.

“The disgrace is still there, Athena,” he said sadly looking out over the field as if he didn’t know the results. I stood beside him and leaned against him. He slid an arm around me and I sighed into his chest.

“The disgrace was millenium ago, my Heart,” I said as I stepped out of his grip. He didn’t grasp my idea until I was standing on the raised stone above the memory of the warriors below. “Perhaps it’s time you forgive yourself,” I said with a smile back at him before I went to launch. He was quick to yank me back.

“It may be the Fade, Vhenan, but some things should not be tried.”

“I just wanted to,” I began.

“I know, but here that would attract attention we don’t need.” I sighed.

_Sometimes Iron Bull is right, ‘demons shit up everything’._ He chuckled. “Solas?”

“Yes.”

“Will you ever forgive yourself?” It was a harsh question but one I needed an answer to. He sighed and snuggled me closer.

“Maybe, one day,” he finally said. I decided to change topics then.

“Good, because I think I could enjoy messing with your hair.” He chuckled. He could hear my thoughts so I was aware that he knew that was not why I’d asked.

“Does the concept so amuse you, Vhenan?” I sent him the image of laying under him running my fingers through the back of his hair and I felt him shiver. “Now there is incentive.” I chuckled and leaned back to see him smiling down at me a moment before the smile faded and he looked up. I looked down at his chest. I knew what that was and I really didn’t want to face it. He nudged my chin up and I fought the need to cry. “We’ll continue this when I get home,” he promised. I blinked to try to clear the tears but they fell. He held me to him. “Do not worry for me, Vhenan. I’ll be home to you as soon as I can.” He kissed into my hair and I felt him pulling us back out of the Fade.

“Solas. Solas,” Adaar whispered and we both woke. “Pardon, Mistress Dragon. I was just, uh, trying to.”

“I’ll be up in a few minutes, Inquisitor,” Solas said on a yawn. “Give me a moment to wake and grab my things.” Adaar nodded and left. I rolled away then and tried to pretend to go back to sleep, but he snuggled into my back. “Hiding them doesn’t make them less real, Athena,” he whispered to me. I looked back at him to see a single tear tracing his cheek. I sat up then and so did he. We held each other for a moment. “Didn’t say it was less painful, Vhenan, only that duty is what we do.” I nodded into his chest and forced my emotions under control.

A thought hit me and I said it. “Okay, so from this day forward, it should be just under ninety days. Begin the countdown.” He smiled sadly down at me.

“I will count the minutes.”

“Don’t. You will need-” he shook my chin and grinned at me. “Oh. Joke, haha.” I felt so silly then for a moment. For that moment, I almost forgot how bad it hurt to send him away. Almost.

“I mean it, Athena. Don’t worry for me,” he said smiling down at me. “I will see you again. Eighty-nine days and twenty-seven hours.” I quirked an eye brow then.

“Twenty-seven?”

“Yes.”

“Oh.” _Well, shocker fifty-four of Thedas: the winner is length of days_, I thought sarcastically.

“Athena.”

I shook my head. “It’s a discussion for another time, ma lath. I cannot keep you here, much as the Gods know I would love to, I cannot.” I fought the tears again and he held me a moment.

“Solas,” came in a whisper from the stair case. He sent Cassandra. I sighed and wiped my eyes.

“Go, ma lath. I will be here when you return.” He kissed me fiercely for a moment, then threw aside the furs and donned his armor quickly. I helped him into it as hastily as I could and snagged up his backpack as he grabbed his staff. “Go,” I told him again as he paused. He kissed me once more.

“I _will_ be back.” It was a promise and then he turned and took the stairs.

“She is not coming with us then?” Cassandra asked. I never heard or saw the answer. I collapsed down to the floor where I stood, a heaping ball of tears and sobbing. I cried and cried until the cry slowed and the warmth that always seems to follow a hard cry set in over me.

I sniffled and stood. I needed to dress and leave. I needed air. Suddenly the room felt so small. I slid into my pants before I grabbed my tunic, gloves and cloak and I began donning them on my way up the stairs. I did not stop in the rotunda, nor did I go through the dining hall. I exited the eastern door, the path way that would lead to Cullen’s office but that over looked the stables as the four horses rode out.

My dragon thrashed and writhed as I tossed my head back and belted her cry to the sky.

[[[The horses all fidgeted for a moment before they began their trot out of the gates, but as they crossed the threshold of Skyhold, a great blast shook the air. All eyes searched until they found the lone figure in the twilight, cloak and hair flapping in the cold morning air. Solas fought his pain as he called back, “Ar lath, Ma Vhenan. Stay safe,” then kneed his horse into a canter across the bridge. He had to leave, he had to leave now or he would wheel this stupid creature back around and tell Adaar to shove his plans and his Inquisition up so many orifices. He could hear the others behind him, but he needed to move. Nothing would ease that pain, he knew that. A binding of souls was no light thing to be shaken off, but he had to try to at least buffer it. It would do none of them any good if he spent the next eighty plus days in a haze of pain.

_Forgive me, my heart._ He echoed back through his chest into the Fade.

_There is nothing to forgive, my love. You are doing as you must, as we all must. I love you too._ He smiled sadly then and let his mind put her on the side, a permanent image to the peripheral of his mind as he rode the poor beast beneath him to the base of the bridge. He slowed to a trot then and the stud beneath him whinnied gratefully up at him. The others caught up, but he didn’t have the heart to look at any of them at the moment.

“Skidding, slipping, sliding, cascading into darkness, I should be there with her, but here is where she says I must be. Vhenan, my precious vhenan, please.”

“Silence, Cole,” Solas snapped. Cassandra only glanced at him once then faced forward. Adaar however stared at him for some time. “What is it, Inquisitor?”

“I would have let you stay, Solas.” He finally said.

Solas glanced at him and saw in the younger man a sliver of understanding. _He thinks he understands_. Solas schooled his expression and nodded to Adaar. “Perhaps, but she insisted that we were the three that would be wisest to take with you.” He sighed and fought down his emotions again revealing several tightened mouth moments. “I abide by her wishes.”

“Idiot,” Cassandra growled.

“Excuse me.”

“I said you’re an idiot,” she growled at him. Solas sat shocked. “If you were ‘abiding by her wishes’ she would not have been on that bridge crying,” Solas looked away then as his eyes misted, “her heart out.”

“Stop,” Cole called softly.

Solas couldn’t stop them that time and the tears fell. Cassandra gasped back and Adaar sighed. “You are right, Seeker,” Solas stated throatily. “Her true wish would never have been to stand there, alone, in the cold, crying up to an uncaring sky.”

“Solas, I-I am sorry,” she stammered.

“Don’t be,” he said and swallowed hard, using the back of his hand to wipe the cold streaks from his face. “You merely spoke truth.” He schooled his expression back down and faced Cassandra. “I go where I have to go. I am not abiding by her wishes.”

“Solas,” Cassandra began.

“Inquisitor, do you believe we could increase pace? I am anxious to conclude our trip as quickly as possible.” Adaar nodded.

“I do not know where to find this Stroud,” Cole stated.

Cassandra smiled at him despite herself. “Katrin Hawke stated that he would be found in Crestwood, which is just south west of the Storm Coast.”

“Oh, I know there,” Cole said, then leaned over and touched Solas’ mount on the nose.

Suddenly the four were riding down the path of the Storm Coast. Adaar blinked as Cassandra looked around.

“Where are we?” Adaar asked.

Before anyone else could, Cassandra answered. “This is the Storm Coast and that,” she said pointing ahead to the inlets, “would be the Delta that flows from Lake Crestwood.” She smiled over at Cole. “The creature just shaved days off our travel time, again.” Cole smiled at her.

“Well, uh, thank you,” Adaar stated.

“I like helping.” It might as well have been a five year old saying he like making cookies with his mother.

“I am grateful as well, Cole,” Solas stated looking over at him, hoping Cole would hear in his gratitude his apology.

“You don’t need to apologize. You hurt. Hurting sometimes makes people say or do things they wouldn’t otherwise do, lashing out in frustration against the things they cannot otherwise control.”

“Indeed it does,” Solas said with a half-grin. _Eighty-one days, vhenan._ Cole grinned then too and Solas realized he’d heard him and grinned too.

“If you two grinning fools are done, we should really get moving. That storm front does not look far enough off for my liking,” Cassandra stated. Solas looked out to see the massive dark clouds over the choppy waters. There was no way they made it to Crestwood before that hit, but he nodded to her.

“How hard are you willing to push that nag under you?” Solas asked.

“However I must,” she replied. Solas looked to Adaar, who nodded then kneed his steed to a canter, and Solas followed suit.]]]

I watched as he rode off like the hounds were at his feet. _Forgive me, my heart_, echoed back to me.

_There is nothing to forgive, my love. You are doing as you must,_ I thought as strongly as I could, _as we all must._ I paused a moment. I could hear his cry on the battlements and I smiled as I thought, _I love you too._ I prayed it would be enough to get him through, to get us through. I love him and he’s coming home. Eight-nine days, just eighty-nine days and he’ll be back home where I can snuggle away all the pain. I sighed and returned to the rotunda. I wandered the mostly empty dining hall for a while, and then exited to the inner courtyard. I had no desire to try to speak with anyone, not that they could understand me any way. I watched as others drifted by me. Everything seemed to have taken a dingy grey tint as the people passed me lackadaisically.

_Probably just going to snow again, Athena. Stop being so maudlin._ I sighed and ascended the stairs to the western battlements just as the sun was cresting the east. I looked off and could no longer see the horses then returned my gaze to the darkened western peaks. _Eighty-one days, vhenan._ I looked around a moment, then shook my head. Wishful thinking. I ached this morning, I hurt into the marrow of my bones, so I felt no need for a happy song, but I desperately needed to sing, to distract me from the desire to soar skyward and travel with them anyway, despite the fact that I would only get myself killed. It wasn’t that there were any monsters in Crestwood I couldn’t take, it was the dragon in adamant that would shred me as I was currently. I was not ready to fight it and I knew it. Sing.

“Have you ever loved somebody so much, It makes you cry? Have you ever needed something so bad, You can’t sleep at night? Have you ever tried to find the words, But they don’t come out right, Have you ever?”

I got through that song, through the tears rolling down my face and my voice choking in several parts. I needed an angrier song. Anger was better than this horrible pain. Pain? Yes. “Pain, without love, Pain, I can’t get enough, Pain, I like it rough, ‘Cause I’d rather feel pain than nothing at all. You’re sick of feeling numb, You’re not the only one. I’ll take you by the hand, And I’ll show you a world that you can understand.”

I sang/screamed through that one. As I finished, I hurt; the cold was burrowing into my limbs even against the cloak but the sun was rising, warming the ground. _Maybe, one more, then I would have to return inside._

“Mistress Aethien,” Josephine called from the stairs. I walked down to her. I couldn’t have managed a smile today to save my life. “Good morning,” she greeted. I knew she was far too astute not to notice the tear stains down my face, but I bowed to her, as solemn faced as a statue. She cleared her throat. “Mr. Solas has left specific instructions as to your dietary needs. I did not realize you had risen with them or I would have had breakfast prepared for you then.” I looked at her puzzled. “Please come inside. We can talk about his instructions over breakfast.”

“I’m not really all that hungry,” I mumbled.

“I-I don’t understand,” she said shaking her head.

I tried to smile at her and I nodded. I could feel how weak that smile was, how weak I was. I suppose I did need to try to eat.

“Ah, of course. This way.” She turned and led the way back up as if I didn’t know where the dining hall was. But this was her forte, not mine, so I followed. I walked into the hall, buzzing with random low-tone chatter. It was still early yet. She led me to a large table near the door to the rotunda and I shied away from the door, fighting the urge to cry again. “Um, Mr. Solas said you should have a diet heavy in meats, so the staff prepared this. I hope this is to your liking.” I looked down.

I did cry then, collapsing forward to hold myself up barely against the bench beside the table. Josephine, taken off her game with that moment stood dumbfounded, but a particular dwarf was to the rescue once again. “Why don’t you go check on the Nightingale, Ruffles? I’ll sit with her,” he suggested as he seated himself beside my supporting hand.

I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t think passed the pain. It was all consuming for a while. I thought I’d had a handle on it. I was managing while I was singing. After a while, the tears died down lightly and bless him, Varric remained silent, gave me time to sort through. I heaved a few steadying breaths.

“Thank you,” I whispered to him as I settled onto the bench.

He looked over at me for a moment, and I got the feeling he was putting something together in his mind, and then he nodded. “Pain of separation.” I tried to smile at him. “Don’t bother, Kitten. Trying to smile today will only upset you more.” I scoffed. He was probably right. I looked over the food and picked at the meat. I just couldn’t taste it. “Eat what you can. Solas was insistent about that.” My stomach jerked inward at the sound of his name and I fought my emotions back down. “Sorry,” Varric whispered. “The kid says you like to sing though. Think you’d grace us with a song?” Varric asked lifted a brow at me. I put my hands in front of me and moved them in opposite direction then back. “You want to exchange?” I half-shrugged. “Terms to be discussed later, I agree,” he stated. I half-smiled at him. I knew he was far too intelligent to make such a deal, but I sighed. I couldn’t eat. I would sing. Cole would like that.

“The waves crash in, the tide pulls out, It’s an angry sea, but there is no doubt, That the lighthouse will keep shining out, To warn the lonely sailor.” I squeezed my eyes shut then and sang to the ceiling, praying the pain would stop. “And the lightning strikes, and the wind cuts cold, Through the sailor's bones to the sailor's soul, 'Til there's nothing left that he can hold, Except the roaring ocean, I am ready for the storm, Yes, all ready, I am ready for the storm, I'm ready for the storm. Give me mercy for my dreams, 'Cause every confrontation seems, To tell me what it really means, To be this lonely sailor. But when the sky begins to clear, And the sun, it melts away my fear, I'll cry silent, weary tear, At those that need to love me, And, I am ready for the storm, Yes, oh ready, I am ready for the storm, I’m ready for the storm.” I let the tear drop down my face then as I remembered the next verse and gods I agreed with it today, and I grimaced against the pain. “Distance, it is no real friend, And time will take its time, And you will find that in the end, It brings you near a lonely sailor. But when you take me by your side, You love me warm, you love me, And I should have realized, I had no reason to be frightened, But I am ready for the storm, Yes oh ready, I am ready for storm, I’m ready for storm, I am ready for the storm, Yes, oh ready, I am ready for the storm, I’m ready for the storm.” I heaved a few steadying breaths then as I capped my pain back under my control. I opened my eyes and swallowed hard. The table seemed surrounded by others. My stomach curled tight into my back bone then as my canines set. _Too many people._

“Easy there, Kitten,” Varric urged beside me. “It was a beautiful song. They were just listening.” He looked up and most had the good sense to take a few steps back; the few that didn’t were forcibly moved by friends or allies nearby. I shivered once but straightened slightly. “Don’t suppose you could ‘show’ me what the song was about?”

I thought for a moment. There was no hand motion that would explain, so I lifted my hand and moved it as I had his quill that day.

“Lass, be a sweet thing, and fetch me a blank parchment and quill from my table,” he called. The girl was quick to move and laid both and inkwell before Varric, who slid them over to me. I pulled my gloves off and laid them on the table near me before I picked up the quill.

I placed three fingers to my arm then drew two dividing lines on the sheet.

“Three parts to it, okay.” I nodded and began sketching. I needed the release and I could forget for a moment as I tried to portray the words into images.

On the first section of the page, I drew the sailor working rigging in a storm, glaring up at the lightening and rain cascading down his face and arms. The second, the same sailor sitting in a peaceful crow’s nest as the sun rose over the ocean, the clouds drifting apart over the far horizon, a single tear dropping down his face. And on the third section, I drew the sailor on land, his ship moored behind him, holding a fair-haired lass tightly to him. The lass was dressed much as the girl who’d brought the things over and she gasped. I passed the page back over to him.

“Not sure that was the best song for you to be singing today.” I smiled sadly at him. “But if you think it helped, sing it all you like. You won’t get objection here,” he said looking around and he was echoed near thirty times. I nodded a bow and my stomach rumbled. “Go ahead and eat, Kitten. I think we can all wait to beg song from you.” I scoffed a half-chuckle and threw him another sad smile. “After how wonderful that sounded, you’re crazy if you think I’m not going to ask you to sing again; whatever deal I have to make.” I smiled sadly then and lifted the meat. The sliding feeling in my fingers set my teeth to aching. Despite missing the wolf, the dragon was famished.

I fit breath in there somewhere but that section of seven centimeter thick steak was gone in what felt like only a few bites and I reached for the next. I didn’t bother looking up, looking at the wide eyes of Varric or the others as the dragon tore through her breakfast. It wasn’t until I lifted the last steak that I realized something and I froze staring at my own hand then.

“Something wrong, Kitten?” Varric asked.

I had expected to warm up, Solas had told me that would be normal, that I would feel warmer for having eaten properly. I had not expected my flesh tone to change so. While standardly I was used to being pale (I mean, I was the _pasty_ white girl), the hands before me, holding that steak were _not_. Healthy golden tan as if I’d been laying out in the sun. I set the steak down and swallowed hard, then ran two fingers of my right hand over the back of my left. It felt, smoother too.

“Your hand? Something wrong with your hand?” I shook my head in a ‘well sort of’ shake and tapped my hand, then lifted the fingers away in a dissipation of movement. “I don’t understand, Kitten.”

I was trying not to panic. Solas was not here to ask. Cole was not here. I didn’t understand how my body could change color from eating. It made no sense that suddenly I was just as tanned, if not more so, than Leliana. I could feel myself shaking.

“Calmly.” The voice I had not expected to hear and my gaze snapped, terrified, to the face of the Knight-Commander. “Try to calm down,” he said gently. I didn’t trust him. I would never trust him, but my mind could not deny his point; I needed to calm down. It took a few tries to get down a steadying breath, but I would not break gaze. I watched him carefully. “I know we don’t get along, but I’ve seen too many mages lose themselves to fear. I know the signs, and I’d rather not see it again. Try to calm down.” I nodded and heaved another breath in and slowly out. He nodded then. “It’s not just your hands that changed, but you were starving yourself by the look of it. Happens to humans too,” he stated. I quirked an eyebrow up at him as I began regulating my breathing. “When a human doesn’t eat for a while, their skin goes grey-greenish,” he said shifting around the word. “Once they eat again though, it usually returns to its proper color or close.” I nodded.

_That would make sense. Solas did say I had basically been starving the dragon_. I nodded again.

“Seems to be the same thing here,” Cullen said with a shrug.

“Thank you, Curly,” Varric began. “I couldn’t figure out what she was trying to say.”

Cullen paused for a long moment. “Solas left instruction with Leliana and she made sure Josephine and I were both informed.” He looked back down at me then. “Apparently, she’s been starving herself without realizing it, as she was eating as an elf, and not a dragon. Leliana explained that while most mages that take on another form are human or elf first, she isn’t.” I executed a half-bow from my seated position.

“What do you mean, Curly? You can’t tell me she is dragon posing as an elf?” Varric asked on a laugh and a few others joined until Cullen replied.

“Actually that is exactly what I’m telling you.” The laughter stopped. “She was trying to be something she wasn’t and it was depleting her body more and more.” He sighed. “The instruction basically came out to, make sure she has plenty meat, a starving dragon is not something anyone here wants to think about.” Several people took a step back again before he continued. “Make sure she stays out of the snow and doesn’t stay in the wind too long, as the cold could actually hurt her without her even realizing it, and give her space when she desires it. Solas’ warning was that she is adjusting to the differences in her body and that she is more likely to lose her temper on someone if they ‘hover’ over much.” I smiled sadly then.

_He would_.

“That all true, Kitten?” I smiled at him then, looking away from Cullen and nodded. “Well, you just let me know if you think I’m ‘hovering’. I’m no stranger to wanting people to leave you alone occasionally,” he added with a wink. I smiled at him and gestured to the plate. “Go right ahead. Curly is right about that: _no one_ here wants to think of having a hungry dragon sleeping under the castle.” I chuckled and tore into the steak. As I finished I cleaned my fingers and yawned largely. I didn’t think I should be tired and I turned to look up as Cullen nodded.

“Right again,” he said. “He mentioned you would likely just eat and sleep for the most part for the next few weeks.” Cullen shifted uncomfortably and then added, “and bathe, a lot.”

I smiled and rose to face the Commander. I still had to look up at him but full I felt much more confident in my own abilities. I touched my hand to my lips then my heart. He turned his head in question and I half-bowed, then lifted my gloves and headed for the door by the fire place.

“Don’t,” I heard behind me. I turned to see Cullen’s gauntleted hand gripped around a wrist that was rather close to me. I smiled at him then turned and continued.

“I only wanted to ask her to sing once more first,” the girl explained.

“Under no condition does _anyone_ touch her, is that clear?” It was declared in a way no one in that cavernous hall missed it.

“Jonesing for a dragon, Curly?”

“Hardly. They are orders from Leliana.”

I chuckled to myself but my grin failed me as I walked into the rotunda. I felt my eyes mist as I looked up at the wall. I walked over and ran my fingers over it a moment before I decided I needed to be out of here and started down the stairs. Leliana would ensure I was provided peace and Josephine seemed set on making sure I ate appropriately. A part of me did wonder if Solas had actually told them I might eat them if I didn’t receive enough meat. I wouldn’t but it was an amusing thought of my great dragon holding a bowl saying ‘option: fill it or be it’.

The Commander did have one point: a bath would be fantastic. I reached our room and summoned a large tub and willed the water into it. It was getting phenomenally easier. I wondered briefly before I answered my own question; eating properly for my dragon was allowing the filling of that ocean to expand exponentially. I warmed the water and disrobed quickly. The heat steaming off the tub was nearly arousing for the dragon. I sank down into the water with a half purr and let the heat seep through my bones. I missed my wolf, but if this was what he had told them I should do, I would obey. _My wolf, my husband, my mate._ I let myself near doze in the water just thinking of him, of his touch, his smile, the way his eyes found mine. It hurt, but only slightly then. It was pain to know he was gone, but he would return. I would need to be ready when he returned.

[[[They rode into Crestwood at a gallop, Adaar’s eyes were still blazing emeralds as he dismounted and found Harding. He hauled the little dwarf up and held her there. “You will get a message to Leliana, _now._”

“Alright, Inquisitor,” Harding agreed through a choking hoarse voice. Adaar placed her back on her feet and released her, balling his fists at his sides to keep from doing it again.

“Mayor Gregory Dedrick is to be found, and brought in, _alive_. I’ll deal with the spineless shit myself when I get back. Following that message you will send an additional message,” Adaar demanded and Solas began to understand why Athena had said he would be a good leader. “The army of the Inquisition is to march.” Harding’s eyes went wide as saucers then. “I will have the whole of it on the other side of the Exalted Plains within the month, am I clear?”

“That’s a tall order, Inquisitor,” she said swiftly. Adaar glared down at her, his nostrils flaring as he leaned in over her.

“Am, I, clear?” She swallowed.

“We’ll make it happen, Inquisitor.” He straightened and she stared up at him as if afraid to move for a moment and Solas really wouldn’t blame her for it.

“Now,” he half-shouted and she burst into a run then to the raven cages.

He turned and Cassandra was smiling at him. He blushed lightly then turned to his mount and patted its neck.

“Losing your temper on Leliana’s minions?” a familiar voice asked as Katrin Hawke stepped out of the shadows. An elf stepped out beside her and Solas had to look him over twice. The Vallaslin of other elves was engraved in their own blood, but this one’s was carved in brilliant blue that glowed over half of his exposed body.

“Didn’t expect to see you hear, Champion,” Adaar greeted. “And this must be the famous Fenris?” The other elf bowed and Solas forced himself not to sneer. That was exactly the behavior he was sick of seeing.

“What’d the mayor do?”

“Drowned his own people,” Adaar answered turning back to the sweating horse as he pet it gently, his face showing his disgust. “I want to rest the horses for a bit before we leave for the Western Approach.”

“Why move the armies ahead of you?” Katrin asked. Adaar grinned at her.

“Because they won’t be.” Her face scrunched into a confused expression. “Cole here is going to shift us to just outside Val Royeaux when we’re ready. We’ll be weeks ahead of them.”

“You think Stroud is right, that the Grey Wardens will want a fight?”

Adaar straightened and faced her and here Solas saw for certain why her faith fell on him as the shoulders came back and he was every bit military commander. “I will not risk it. I will bring the army to bear and if they want a fight, they’ll get one.” Katrin smiled at him gently but the blue-painted elf grinned largely. This was an elf that apparently loved to fight. Solas turned away then. He would begin glaring at the little fool if he didn’t move. It was still irritating him that the exploration of the area to find Stroud had still taken three days.

_Wait for me, Vhenan._]]]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
Ithas fra em= Look at me  
Etunash= shit, bullshit


	13. Interruptions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pleasant bit of sappy fluff inserted into a long colemn of angst and smut :)  
Solas discovers the 'range' of their gift completely by accident and helps ease some of the hurt they both suffer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story contains massive spoilers for the game. Please note, that if you are reading, I take no responsibility for ruining game plot you haven't gotten to yet.  
Also, I use multiple songs within the story. I do not claim ownership to these songs. All copyrights belong to the original authors. (I'm just a huge fan :P)

Chapter 13: Interruptions

I woke before dawn that morning, something was definitely wrong. It had been over a week since they’d left and some things I was adjusting to within Skyhold. I donned my clothes quickly and walked up stairs and out the eastern door of the rotunda. I saw fires in the distance and Cullen on the ground readying his troops. He was trying to handle this quietly but that was a veritable army out there. We had minutes, not the hours he would need. I felt in and reached out, my arms raised to my sides as I reached to all the gates and brought them down. Several bars fell straight through the advancing scouts, pinning half the body on each side of the gate. The sound of five portcullis’ dropping at once though is not quiet. Cullen looked about briefly but I was already descending the steps down to him.

I pointed at him then gestured to the surrounding men, when he nodded, I pointed straight down and walked to the inner courtyard. Whoever wasn’t awake before, was then, as I felt my body warm and the dragon blasted a challenging roar to the sky as I shifted. The moment the shift was complete I was airborne.

A second challenge belted from my lungs as I swooped down on them, throwing some from the bridge, snagging others up in my claws and dropping them from the heights I’d risen back to. I did that maybe twice before I became annoyed at their puny arrows tinging off my scales. I breathed in deep and felt the sulfur burn within just before I expelled the massive cone of fire over a good half of the opposing army.

The word dragon could be heard even up where I was as the army began fleeing in multiple directions but I would have none of that. I breathed again and sealed them in with another great wall of fire circling around behind them. I rose and back winged before I dropped on them. I landed on a few and purposely let my weight drop to the ground. The stones only hurt me a little, but thirty odd imperial tons of dragon dropping a living being into stone…I smiled as I felt them smear across the ground as I rose and launched out at the remaining, slashing, biting in half and spitting out, lashing with tail and wings until I caught the last mid-air from a tail slap and closed my claws around him, watching the blood spray everywhere. I sat up on my rear legs and belted a cry skyward then. One did not need to know the language to know what was said that time: MINE! I rose into the air then with a few powerful thrusts of my wings and surveyed for survivors. There weren’t any. With a brief hot snort, I turned and landed softly into Skyhold’s inner courtyard. All made way.

I did not shift back immediately. Instead I rose to my full height and looked down at the celebrating ants. The dragon snorted again. It still took a lot of effort to revert to elf-form, but Cullen was already there beside me as I knelt on the sands heaving in breaths. His cloak was over my shoulders before I could recognize the boots.

“Be sure to wrap it when you stand,” he whispered to me. I recognized the voice and nodded as I rose. I froze as I heard the rasp of the sword drawing. “Apparently some of you haven’t learned!” he shouted. “Stand _back_!”

“We just want to thank her.”

“Yeah.”

“Just talk.”

“To thank her.”

“Yeah, Commander. We just.”

“He’s saving your lives, fools,” Leliana’s voice echoed down the inner courtyard as she and Josephine descended. “None will touch the dragon, under any circumstances. Solas translated that for us before he and the Inquisitor left.” Some tried to speak, to argue with her that circumstances matter, but I growled and they all shut up. “By her own words, _none_ may touch her.”

“Even to thank?” one woman asked. I pointed to Josephine and gestured her over. She curtsied to me and looked up. I looked at the woman, pointed to her, then to Josephine. Then I turned my full attention to Josephine and jabbed a thumb at my chest, then laid my hand out open and flat and made a motion as if I were eating something off of it. My stomach felt like it was eating my insides.

“I will have food made immediately.” I jabbed my finger down. “I’ll bring it down to you.” I shook my head and touched her face gently. “I will have someone else bring it down.” I smiled, nodded and began my walk up the stairs with Cullen a step behind me and Leliana clearing the way before.

_Now I know why royalty prefer not to step outside. Shit_.

I reached the rotunda and tapped Leliana’s shoulder. I looked up at her with a smile as she turned. “We’ll leave you here then,” she said smiling back. “But, honestly, thank you. We may have lost quite a few soldiers to that.” I grinned and patted her shoulder before I turned to Cullen and spun my one finger around in the universal ‘turn around’. He smiled and blushed before he complied. I pulled the cloak away and tossed it over his shoulder before I began my descent. As I rounded the corner I heard, “It’s safe now, Commander.” I smiled.

_Maybe not so horrible of a person now, but still a shemlin and still one I would happily kill at my lover’s request._ I smiled at the thought but quickened my pace. My feet were not drawing in warmth and my arms began to feel the same. I again wished he’d had time to teach me to fade-jump as he did.

I reached the room and relit the fire. I grabbed a few furs and sat as close as I dared to the fire. I was shivering by the time I heard footsteps on the stairs. It had taken long enough. I looked up and froze.

Leliana entered with two maids carrying trays. They set the trays down on his desk then she dismissed the maids but remained. When she was sure they were gone, she reached to her belt line and pulled a small scroll. “News,” she said. I touched beside my eye and shrugged. “That’s right, you can’t read common. Sorry. I’ll read it to you.” I nodded and she unrolled the scroll. “Nightingale, The Inquisitor demands that mayor Gregory Dedrick be found immediately and brought in alive. Instructions to hold him until the Inquisitor’s return. Also, he demands the army is to march and be on the other side of the Exalted Plains within a month. I tried to warn him it was going to be a challenge, but I hope this reaches you with enough time to get them moving. Best wishes. Harding.” She rerolled it. I shivered again then nodded. “You did warn us this was coming.” I nodded again and stood. I could smell the meats and I was in need. My leg almost went out from under me once.

_Come on. I didn’t use _that_ much energy_. She looked concerned and I shook my head then proceeded to the desk. I got one steak down, and then turned to her. I moved one finger around above my shoulder in a wide circle.

“Everyone,” I nodded, and then pressing two fingers together, shot my arm out to the side in a swift motion. “Everyone must go?” I nodded again, then shivered and sighed. I shook my head then tapped my chest and then the desk. “You will remain.” I nodded again, and then reached for another slab. She sat silent for a moment. “I will leave the maids instruction.” I looked over. “I’m not bringing maids on this journey. We have quartermasters.” I smiled and finished my slab. “Every morning, they are to prepare a meat dish and see that it is set out for you. Otherwise they are to leave you be.” Her expression changed then. “You saved us this morning. They owe you at least a little privacy.” I smiled gently at her before another shiver over took me. She nodded then. “Enjoy your meal. We’ll see you when we get back?” I nodded and smiled at her. Things were happening so fast. I choked down the rest of that tray then curled in front of the fire. I was still chilly but I was starting to warm.

_Solas._

[[[By the Seeker’s best estimate they were two days away from the Western Approach when he sat bolt upright in his saddle. “Something wrong, mage?” the Seeker asked. He shook his head and regulated his breathing.

“No,” he finally said.

“Your face would imply otherwise,” she followed.

“I just, thought I heard something.”

“Heard what?” she pressed.

“I thought I heard her call for me,” Solas said keeping his eyes ahead, grinding his teeth. He’d buried it within, it shouldn’t hurt so bad.

“You did,” Cole stated and Solas’ gaze shot over to him. “She is just hurting. Aching, wishing, wanting, oh my love. The distance is no favor and time does nothing, though it speeds by us. When will he be home. Solas.” Cole smiled then. “She sleeps now.” Solas smiled sadly over at him. “Yes,” Cole answered. “You are always her last thought before bed.” Solas’ smile turned grin. He did not even notice how Cassandra’s face blossomed into a smile for a moment before returning to her countenance.

“Thank you, Cole.”

“You can fade-jump, as you call it. Can you not jump to her and then back?” Solas sighed and shook his head.

“It isn’t that simple, Seeker. That kind of moving takes a lot more out of a body then merely walking and that is in small spurts. To make that kind of jump would leave me exhausted for days and it would be weeks before I could return to you three.”

“Sorry,” Cassandra said after a moment. “Just, thought I would try to help.”

“What is your interest in this, Seeker?” Solas asked. She bristled.

“I have no _interest_ in it, save easing the poor girl’s feelings. We all owe her quite a bit.”

“On that we agree,” Adaar stated. “Is there a way, Solas, for you to be with her and here.” Solas tried not to growl as he sighed.

“If there was, don’t you think I would have done it by now.” He was trying not to bark, not to growl but the statement came off more than defensive.

“Sorry, Solas,” Adaar said. “I didn’t mean to upset you with it.”  
Solas nodded as if accepting the apology. “The sooner we are done, the sooner we can,” he turned to Cassandra then, “ease her suffering.” Cassandra ‘hmph’d and focused on riding again.

_Cole, will you please let me know when she wakes? I would like to try something._

Cole smiled over at him and nodded.]]]

I would never have known they were gone if I did not have to ascend. The room was dark. I willed the fire start from where I lay on the bed. I didn’t want to crawl out of the warm bed until the room warmed up a bit. I burrowed down deeper. I could still faintly smell him on the furs and the ache brought the familiar sting to my eyes. _Solas._

_ Athena._ I straightened, my breath catching.

_Solas? Is it, it can’t be. Just imagining. Aching too hard. Breathe, Athena. Just lingering dream._

_ Still think I’m a dream, my Heart?_

_ No. No, no, no. Don’t do this to yourself, Athena. You know better. He’s only been gone a little over a week. There is no way_…I paused. _No way?_

_ Indeed, my love. There is a way._

I placed my hand to my chest then as I felt the tears well in my eyes.

_Solas?_

_ Yes, my heart. I’m here. _His voice was a comfort on its own and the tears fell then. _I might have tried earlier but the thought honestly hadn’t occurred to me until you slept last night. Cole confirmed that I had heard you call me. Until then, I had believed as you did though, that it was ‘just imagining’._

_ Solas. I think I’m going mad. How is this possible?_

_ I don’t know, my heart, but you’ll have to forgive if I truly don’t care._ I smiled then through the tears.

I couldn’t have him with me, but at least I could still hear him, hear his voice. I snuggled down into the furs then and sniffled. Gods, I missed him so much.

_I miss you as well, my Heart. Far more than I would care to admit to in present company._ I smiled then and sniffled again.

_Always so proud, my wolf. _

_ You don’t know how many times I’ve been tempted to just jump back to you, to tell them to shove their quest and their inquisition somewhere unpleasant._

I smiled. _But you are needed, my love. You _must_ be there._

_ I know that. I understand that, but it doesn’t ease the ache._

_ Never said it would. _Even in my mind, my voice was breaking. _The ache will be ever present until you are. There is no balm for that, my love. It doesn’t exist._ I sighed, wiping my face. Might as well let him know.

_Let me know what, My Heart?_

_ I may have overdone it yesterday._

Silence settled for a few minutes. _I will need a bit more information than that, Athena._

I smiled. _Raiders attempted a massed attack on Skyhold in the Inquisitor’s absence._

_ Are you alright?_

_ I’m fine, my heart. Merely exhausted. The dragon grows stronger. To keep them out and protect the people, I dropped all five portcullis’ before I shifted. I _may_ have gotten a bit carried away with the punishment. My dragon side really didn’t like the fact that ants were encroaching on her den._ I could hear the tone in my mind even as it reverberated across the Veil. I sounded like a teenager trying to explain why the car got totaled.

_My heart_, it was the patient tone of a father that is so about to tear your ass up, what_ did you do?_

_ Well, I didn’t think about how much energy would go into the whole thing until I was laying down here last night. I finished eating and really started looking inward trying to figure out why I had burned so much energy. Well, burned was the appropriate word. I had no idea that blasting fire required that so many muscles do so much. It wasn’t like I was trying to wear myself out. I just _fried_ them a little and then they tried to escape and the second blast was probably what did it as I held that one longer. I wasn’t this exhausted after flight before so I’m _pretty _sure picking them up and dropping them caused me no _real_ damage and not _much_ energy, but I was pretty tired by the time I shifted back. And cold, definitely cold. I never realized how much colder the air is up there before dawn. I mean, buried in snow kind of cold. It took most of yesterday to warm up enough to sleep. _

[[[Solas sat forward in his saddle and settled his face in his spare hand.

“Something wrong, Solas?” Adaar asked.

Solas straightened and regained his expression with a quick shake to his head.]]]

Silence settled for a while after. _Solas?_

_ I’m here_. He sounded more than a little stressed then. _It would seem we have to spend some time talking more on your dragon body whether or you are wanting to or not. Things like that could have killed you, my Heart. I am grateful they did not, but you _must_ be made aware._

_ It didn’t hurt me that bad. I was super tired is all._

_ Truthfully? Then you are up and walking fine?_

_ What’s walking have to do with it?_

_ Answer the question, my heart, are you walking?_

_ No. I only just woke up._

_ Try._

It seemed a little awkward that he was pressing on walking so much, but if it was important enough to press… I flipped the furs off of my body and attempted to move to the edge of the bed.

_Well?_

I couldn’t respond. My attempt to move my legs caused one to tense up almost to the point of charlie horse. I was heaving in breaths quickly. _Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. _

_ Thought as much. _A pause for a moment and I swear I could hear his exasperated sigh. _It will likely be a few hours before you will be able to stand and even then, you should really try to stretch it out carefully. You have not had enough time in your dragon form to go bouncing around freezing cold mountains like that._

_ So it wasn’t the fire?_

_ Oh, it was still the fire, but the tension you are likely feeling through your limbs, had little to do with the fire. The fact that when you next try to speak you may find yourself without voice or with an enormous amount of pain through your lungs and throat, that would be the fire and why your body is trying to do what it needs to do to recover. _

_ You mean sleep?_

_ It is not a curse word, my heart. You used a lot yesterday. You will need rest._ A silence for a few moments. _I would, appreciate though, if you could call to me when you wake next. The sound of her voice is helping, even if I’m worrying more now._

_ If I can help you even slightly, my love, I will. _

_ Then please try to rest. I’m sure Josephine will be pleased to bring you down your breakfast or have a maid see to it._

_ She can’t._

_ Why?_

_ They all left yesterday evening for the march the Inquisitor summoned them on. Where are you guys? The times are not matching._

_ We are nearly to the Western Approach._

_ WHAT?_

_ Peace, my heart. _

_ He summoned the armies before even getting to the Western Approach._

_ He did not care for the information Stroud gave us. He believes we may be walking into an ambush. He wants his soldiers nearby to handle it if the Grey Wardens do want to fight it out. _

_ Oh, fuck. The next four years cannot go by fast enough._

_ Four years?_

_ That was my longest estimate on how things should span out but it would seem somehow things are moving in leaps and bounds around time as if she were an unimportant construct. _

_ Do not exhaust yourself with the thoughts, my heart._ His voice was a gentle urging. _Please just try to rest as much as you can._

I smiled. _I love you, Solas. I will do as you ask._

_I love you, my heart. I will speak with you soon?_

_At least if I can help it._ I drifted then as the pain won out and the sleep seemed the safest place to retreat.

I don’t know how long I lay in the bed, but I would wake and we would speak briefly, then I would doze back off again. At some point, my stomach won out and I wandered upstairs painfully and obliterated the meats on the tray by the second fire. I didn’t get back down stairs though before sleep won out. The dragon seemed to understand that sleep was necessary so she didn’t resist whenever I began to feel tired.

It was three weeks since the soldiers left (according to one of the maids that morning) when I was sitting by the fire in our room drawing. I found that I could sing and draw and after the first week of reworking my vocal cords back, I could do so comfortably. On this day my song was interrupted as Cole appeared before me covered in blackened blood. “You must come.” I didn’t think, I stood, taking the stairs three at a time. I hit the main hall at a run, passed all the startled maids and out the door. I roared into the sky as I launched myself off the step. In retrospect, I got lucky that worked as it could have sucked otherwise. Mid-air my body shifted, the dragon knew speed was of the essence and in the moment my toes left stone, they were already shifting into claws. Great wings brought me skyward on a shrill cry and in moments I was pumping my wings towards the western sky; I put all I had into that motion. I knew the map, I’d memorized landmarks and the like. I dropped lower to get better speed as soon as I was out of the Frostbacks. Furiously I beat my wings faster, dipping and dodging between trees and rocks and over rivers.

_My Heart._ He sounded exhausted and I fought the urge to cry and pushed harder. My body hurt for the effort.

[[[Cole reappeared then. “Where did you go?” Cassandra demanded.

“To get help. No one here knows how to heal him,” Cole said.

“Fair, I suppose.” She settled back by Solas and placed a firm hand against the balled cloth over the bleeding side.

Adaar looked up at Cole after a good while of fussing over whether Solas would survive so much blood loss, and pouring multiple healing potions over the wound only to have Cassandra cover it again. “Who’d you go get? Where are they?” he finally asked as Solas’ skin began to pale out visibly.

Cole turned and pointed. Adaar looked up.” A sparrow in the sky?”

“That is no sparrow,” Cole stated smiling up as the form grew larger with each passing second.

“Ah, shit,” Adaar shouted and jumped backwards for his daggers.

“You won’t need them,” Cole stated as Adaar stood and the Dragon, nearly four times the size of the High Dragon, dropped to the ground and began to run towards them. Adaar had to blink a few times as the form of the dragon, changed? Yes it changed.

_Must have been out here too long. Sun’s getting to my head._

The naked girl, now visible and very familiar and very naked was at a full run. She dropped by her lover and began speaking to him even as her hands lit blue with familiar healing energies.

Adaar turned to Cole and whispered, “Does she know she’s naked?”]]]

Finally I could see them. My wings hurt and my breath stung in my throat against the strains. I dropped to the ground and began to shift mid-stride. I ran toward them. Cole would only have come to me for one reason and he was laying on the ground, Cassandra’s hand pressed over his side. A second glance, blood still flowed passed the compression. Precious little time.

I dropped by his side. “Solas. Ma lath. Can you hear me?” I pooled my own power into healing energies in my hands… (Okay, so mistake one: flying as a dragon for thousands of leagues, then dropping to the ground to draw even further on my will. Mistake two: elves have small bodies, at least in comparison to dragons. When one has been a dragon for the last thirty minutes, one does not think like an elf. Mistake three: applying a dragon-load of healing energy to an injured elf.)

The energies left my hands and flowed into his body. He jerked forward on a scream as the wounds on his sides sealed, the cuts on his forehead sealed and brilliant blue healing energies blasted from his mouth and eyes. That was the last I saw, as the moment those energies left my body completely, I passed out.

[[[He came to screaming. His body felt like it was being healed but with such force that it crushed the air from him and compressed bones into healing that had long since been damaged and healed badly; it aligned wounds centuries old and snapped them back into place with the delicacy of hammer blow. He heaved in a breath before he looked up. He froze only for a moment before he lifted the unconscious body of his lover from Cole’s hands. He looked about them then. The High Dragon lay dead not a dozen meters off. They’d won, that was obvious, but… “Would someone be so kind as to explain what I missed, apparently?”

Adaar grinned. “What do you remember, we’ll go from there?”

“We were fighting that,” he said with a jerk of his head toward the high dragon, “when I mistimed a fade-jump and landed right under its claws.”

“Ok,” Adaar began, “well, as you can see, we finished killing it, but the battle was intense. I-”

“I believe he was specifically referring to the _other_ dragon,” Cassandra said gently-for Cassandra.

“Oh. You were hurt after the battle. None of us are mages, but the Seeker balled a cloth to try to stop your bleeding. At some point Cole disappeared, said he got her and a few minutes later, she was running, naked, across the sands to you. Filled her hands with blue energy and then boom, passed out.” Adaar chewed his tongue a moment. “Am I missing something?” he asked Cole.

“She did heal him.”

“Right, blue energy went into you, you sat forward, she passed out.”

“Thank you,” Solas said after a moment and shifted her to lean up against him. He traced her spine and muscles down her back then feeling the tension even in sleep. “What did you do to get here?” He gentled blue healing energies through her back for a moment then relaxed.

_Solas._

Solas sighed. “She will not be able to move for a few days.”

“But we have to let Frederic know,” Adaar stated.

“I can go tell him,” Cassandra offered.

“Then I’ll go with you,” Adaar hurried.

“And leave two injured elves alone out here?”

“Then at least take Cole. Then if you need help.”

“That makes no sense either, Inquisitor,” Solas stated. “If it is that important, just send Cole.”

“Oh, right.”

Solas looked up at Cole then who smiled and grinned. “I will,” he said then disappeared.

“Will what?” Adaar asked.

“He will inform Frederic that we have defeated the beast and the he and his colleagues can come collect the corpse, but that we required rest.”

“Nice. Get them to come to us,” Adaar said with a grin.

“Indeed. Seeker, would you be so kind as to hand me the sleeping roll from my pack?” Cassandra rose then and retrieved the item, handing it to him. “Thank you.” He leaned forward and wrapped his lover in the cloth. “We will need a fire soon,” he stated as he shifted to stand, laying her out against the sand. His ribs still hurt but she would need a tent and fire soon and he could not afford to wait for one of them to stop gawking for it.

“Here?” Cassandra asked disbelievingly as another sweat drop rolled over her cheek. It was near sweltering hot in the Western Approach year round. He glared up at her.

“Come here, Seeker,” he ordered and she bristled. “Come lay the back of your hand to her head and tell me I am wrong,” he challenged. She shifted and leaned over the girl. She didn’t have to go completely to the girls head. The body before her was radiating cold as if it were made of snow. Her gaze shot back up to Solas.

“I will, go find something for the fire.” She was running then. The girl would need fire soon. No time to waste.

Adaar looked at him as he rose. “What can I do?” he asked. His hands kept twirling his daggers, which Solas had long since learned was his nervous habit.

“Help me get my tent up,” he said swiftly. Adaar moved then, sheathing the daggers and twisting ropes to begin. This part he could do. A tent was a tent most the world over. He’d been putting up tents quickly since he was five. Seemingly moments later, Solas was lifting her across his chest and walking into his tent. He laid his lover out on the bed and rubbed her cold face and hands for a moment. Cole appeared at some point with the great wolf fur from Skyhold and laid it over her. “Thank you, Cole,” he nearly whispered.

As Solas had walked within with the girl, Adaar had begun digging and setting a fire pit for them. When Cassandra still didn’t return he finished his debate with himself and erected his and her tents. He remembered exactly how she preferred her tent setup from the return trip from the Mire. He smiled as he set her chest at the foot of her bed, just as she liked it and then stepped out. Cole handed him a water skin then. He hadn’t realized how thirsty he’d gotten.

He took a swallow then turned to Cole. “Sweet grace takes the flavor of the fur out. She likes sweet grace.” Adaar blushed then returned to drinking.

Cassandra appeared a few moments later, and without thinking, Adaar passed the flask to Cole and walked out to her to help. “I’m afraid there isn’t much out here,” she stated as they approached the camp. She paused then and looked first at her tent, then Adaar.

“I-I thought I would help too. I didn’t touch anything. Just set it up, the way you wanted it before, from the Mire. I didn’t touch anything,” he repeated shaking his head.

She smiled at him and his heart jumped to his throat a moment. “Thank you.”

“It was my pleasure, Seeker Cassandra.” Half her smile quirked into a grin.

“Excellent,” Solas said as he stepped out of the tent and began lifting the twigs and bush branches from Cassandra’s arms.

“I’m afraid it won’t burn long.”

“We don’t need it to burn long, just hot,” he stated as he began arranging pieces over the pit. He was fully absorbed and Cassandra and Adaar shared a grin over that. No one would have believed at the beginning that Solas was even capable of love, let alone that depth. He was always so stand-offish, so grumpy to everyone, even Sera. Now minding that Sera could get under anyone’s skin if she tried, but he was angry with her almost from the moment she joined the Inquisition.

Cole helped too and the moment the fire was started, Solas was back inside the tent and bringing the still unconscious girl out. He laid her by the fire and undid the wrapping carefully.

“What are you doing?” Cassandra asked then.

“Helping her. Please, Seeker, I need to concentrate,” he stated, setting his right hand on her shoulder and the left at her hip. He willed her a barrier, tight to her body as she had. _Stars but this was dangerous. If he slipped or got distracted_…

“But you are removing her protection.” 

“Shut _up_.”

Cole appeared between them, but Solas had no more thought to spend on the Seeker as he drew the fire carefully over the barrier. Athena moaned contentedly in sleep as it slipped over the barrier.

“He is trying to concentrate on helping her and you distracted him. He’s not mad at you. He’s just worried about her.”

Cassandra sighed. “I understand.”

Cole smiled at her. “He remembered.” She lifted a brow to him.

“Who?”

“The Inquisitor. Go look.” She stepped over to her tent and went to walk within only to find that the bed was made, just as she’d asked him to do then, the floor carpeted and laid out in the triplet fashion she liked. Her chest at the foot of her bed. She paused then looked back over at Adaar, who was sitting fidgeting with the fire, trying to keep fresh twigs and branches going. She smiled and walked within. She had a thought for a moment, and then Cole was beside her. “If he’d had them.”

“Cole.”

“You wanted to know if he would have placed rose petals over the bed for you. He didn’t have them. He thought about it and grumbled at himself a moment, but he didn’t have them. Sorry.” She smiled and grasped Cole’s shoulder.

“Then we just won’t tell him I thought of it too.” Cole smiled and disappeared.

She looked around again and smiled more gently. Perfect.]]]

So cold but there is warm near. I tried to reach it but my arms won’t move. I tried to remember why. I was flying and then. My eyes came open though they were heavy. _Solas!_

“I’m here, Vhenan.” His warm hands turned my face to see his worried one.

_Solas._ My mouth wouldn’t move, and my throat muscles ached from breathing.

“It’s alright now, ma lath. Go back to sleep.” I tried to smile at him, even as the darkness over took me, but it was warm so I didn’t fight.

[[[“You really love her,” Adaar stated after that exchange as he looked down at Solas. Solas’ gaze snapped up to him in a slap before he calmed.

“At least as much as you do her,” Solas stated with a head-jerk towards the Seeker’s closed tent door. Adaar’s eyes went round as saucers and he glanced quickly to her tent door.

Then he whispered, “How do you know?”

Solas smiled at the boy then but obligingly lowered his voice. “You fluster over anything she says to you for one.” Adaar swallowed hard.

“Is it that obvious?” Solas scoffed and settled the furs back around Athena.

“Only to those that know what to look for.” Adaar was quiet after that. “I’m going to take her back within. The night is getting colder,” Solas stated as he lifted the fur bundle across his chest. His ribs stung for the effort but he refused to let the younger man help with this. “I don’t imagine I’ll emerge again before dawn. Goodnight, Inquisitor.”

“Goodnight,” Adaar said half consciously. He was absorbed in his own terror. If Solas had noticed, did she? Did Cassandra know? What if she did? What if that was why she was always so curt with him? No. She was curt with everyone. But what if he was making it worse? What if his love for her was irritating her more? His thoughts continued to plague him for a while after the fire died out.

Solas stepped within his tent and laid his lover on the bed carefully then turned and tied the tent flap down. He removed his armor pieces then crawled over her only to pull her close.

_Solas._

He smiled down at her sleeping form. _Always thinking of me. You could give a man a superiority complex doing things like that, my Heart. _He kissed her forehead then and pulled her close. Sleep would be a comfort for them both, not the least reason because she was back in his arms for the night. ]]]

I woke to the scent of him which made me smile as I lightly nuzzled the chest I lay on. It was a partial whine against the pain, but I didn’t care. He was here and breathing and okay. Damn the rest.

He stirred then and I looked up as he passed his hand by his eyes. _Good morning._ The hand froze and the eyes were open then as he looked down. I couldn’t help but smile as I looked up at him. _You’re okay._ It was more an affirmation to myself that he was alright, but I didn’t have time to clear that up before he yanked me up to him and crushed me into a kiss, his hands slipping passed my ears to hold me to him as if I might melt away from him. Past the pain, I brought my arm up over his shoulder and lined my hand behind his neck. My right arm, pinned between us grasped at his wrist as he kissed me with a desperate ferocity I only sought to match. Animalistic thinking doesn’t leave one room for doubt. I was as desperately happy to see him as he was me and we burned it into the others’ senses. A perfectly wonderful moment, until I tried to move closer to him and my legs seized up on a cry.

He leaned back immediately and it seemed nearly as instantaneously, healing energies began cycling through my leg, numbing the pain and softening the tightened muscles. As the pain ebbed and I got my mind back, he began tensing the leg slowly, one hand to the top of my knee and the other to the balls of my feet. He wouldn’t hurt but he stretched it out slowly until I could pull it completely back. As he released one he started the other. _Wish I could have done this before_. He smiled then as he finished stretching the other out and massaging the blue energies back up my leg to my thighs. Muscles I hadn’t realized were stretched taut, pressed against expertly and released.

“Thank you, ma lath,” I breathed as the pain settled again.

_You should not have done that,_ he was chiding his thoughts as he forced his expression to remain solemn. “You are welcome.”

“You were in need,” I stated and he finally met my eyes. “I will _always_ be here when you are in need. Damn the consequences.”

“Vhenan,” he began.

“No, Solas. This is one of those things that’s just not for debate.” He snapped his jaw shut to glare at me a moment. “I love you. I will do everything in my power to protect you, always. That is just something that is, as much as the Fade exists and we draw breath. I will protect you, ma lath. It is my _right_ as well as my pleasure.” He rose and snuggled his forehead to mine.

_I suppose it is her right as much as it would be mine in reverse situations. I hate seeing her like this though._ He sighed and I leaned up and kissed him briefly then.

_I love you, my Solas._ He chuckled then. He’d forgotten again that I could hear him.

“Ar lath, ma vhenan,” he said as he held my face and smiled down at me. He sighed again. “It is unlikely you will be able to walk for a few days.” I snorted. “Vhenan.”

“There is no time for it, Solas.” He raised that eyebrow again. “I know where you are and I know what you’re waiting for. You ride to Adamant next.” He froze a moment and then nodded. “I cannot go with you there. Especially not now. I will leave your company when I exit this tent and meet you back at Skyhold.”

“Vhenan, you cannot fly right now,” he began angrily. “You’ve strained your wings; I can feel the tension through your spine. You cannot fly.”

“I can still walk, Solas. And in my dragon form it hurts less to. I will adjust slowly, but I will not go to Adamant.” _I promised I wouldn’t seek out my own death and to go to Adamant would be just that right now. I know what is waiting there, what will be there. I would be walking to the hangman’s noose._ He tucked me close to him then and I realized he had been listening. “Atishan, ma lath. I will be safe, but I cannot go to Adamant.”

“I will not ask you to. Only try not to hurt yourself further on your return.” His grip shifted then and I grinned as he added, “There are several things I’d like to do to you when I get back.” I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Then I’ll have to be sure I’m well rested,” I said leaning back to smile up at him. “Takes a lot of endurance to keep up with an old wolf.” He chuckled then and laid his forehead to mine.

After a few moments, the smile faded. _I love you, Athena. Please be careful._

“I could say the same to you.” I shivered then and his eyes came open to meet mine. “You will end up in the Fade at some point, ma lath. _Please_ be careful.”

He smiled at me and tucked hair behind my ears, before answering in Elvish. “The Fade is my home, Vhenan.” The look in his eyes shifted then and I felt my body come alive to the feeling of staring into the eyes of my wolf. “It is a fool that tries to take me on there.”

A brief memory surged through my head and my dragon stirred as I felt my nostrils flare, felt my teeth set and my blood start racing even by tender muscles. “And I will slaughter them all.” He grinned then.

“Different circumstances,” he began then his expression shifted to question. “Or at least I hope so.” I chuckled and kissed him briefly.

“You will never be left alone to face one of _them_. I _will_ be beside you for those battles. Damn the injuries.” He kissed me then, a kiss that needed no explanation. _I’ll be quiet, my love._ He leaned up with a chuckle.

“No chance of them there then?”

“None,” I confirmed with a smile.

“Then you have no reason to fear, ma lath. They are the only ones that have a chance to stop me from getting back.”

“Vhenan, please,” the plead out he kissed me firmly.

“I will be careful, but it is my home, lethallan. I know it better than any.” He slid his thumbs by my cheeks. “None will stop my return to you.” I smiled sadly at him a moment until I heard others stir outside the tent.

_I will need to leave soon._

“Vhenan, you can’t walk. How do you plan to ‘leave’?” I smiled up at him then.

“Not wise, wolf,” I stated. He quirked that eyebrow again. “Do not underestimate a dragon.” He sighed and his face shifted to the impatient father.

“I did not mean that you physically could not, but that you _should_ not. You are injured.”

I sighed then. “Solas, ma lath. I love you, but I am leaving here on my own feet within the hour. The army will be here not long after.” I reached skyward and felt the suns position. “It is passed dawn and the army will have begun marching again. They should be here shortly.”

“Solas,” Adaar called. “Is she, uh, covered?”

Solas smiled and wrapped another fur over my shoulders and I grinned at him. _Mine._ “You’re safe, Inquisitor.” Adaar shifted the tent flap aside and looked down at us.

“Good morning, my lady dragon, Solas.” He swallowed and focused on Solas. “Leliana sends word. They have nearly arrived. They should be here shortly, so figured I’d warn you and let you get up and dressed and all.”

“Thank you for that, Inquisitor.”

He nodded and turned to me. “Just how big are you?” he finally asked. I chuckled and he shivered. “Never mind. See you out here, Solas.” With that he left.

Solas turned my face up to his then. “What did he mean by that?”

“I will show you, Solas. I’d be easier. Dress. They’re coming.” He rose and donned his armor.

“Will you require my tunic, Vhenan?” I smiled and chuckled.

“No, but thank you.” He raised an eyebrow at me for a moment as he settled into his armor. “They shred when I shift.”

He paused.

“It will happen, Solas. Stop fighting it; you’re only making it worse.” He sighed and finished strapping himself into his armor.

“I would rather if you didn’t.” I smiled and rose and helped him begin packing up.

“I am aware,” I stated as I rolled the bed. He leaned over me briefly and kissed the back of my neck.

“I would much rather you stay just like that though.” His voice was lust-coated and I grinned.

“Perhaps back at Skyhold, Vhenan,” I stated smiling back at him.

We had his tent mostly packed in a few minutes. As he stepped out to begin bringing it down, I shocked him and stepped out behind him. A quick look of ‘what do you think you’re doing’ and I grinned.

“What I promised,” I stated and stepped away from the tents. I could feel his gaze follow me. My legs ached and attempted to seize more than once but I would have none of that. This body was becoming bothersome at the moment. I roared forward and felt my body warm and stretch and begin to shift.

“Aethien!”

“What is she-”

“What the-”

My body elongated and stretched and I felt my wings press out of my back, stretching to the early morning breeze. It felt better to be in this form, unless he was touching me. I grinned at the thought and looked back down. My lover barely stood as tall as my claws and the High Dragon of the Approach laying there seemed almost childlike in comparison. _Pitiful thing. Too stupid to evolve._ I roared once and settled my jaw down beside my lover. _I’ll see you back home, my love._

“At least let me heal your wings first?” He was not happy about this.

_If it will please you, my heart._ I extended my front right hand open to him. _Come._ He reached out and mounted into the center of my palm. I was careful to lift him to my neck, though he had to step out between the finger claws to get onto my back. He touched the one wing and I whined against the pain, so hot and sharp shooting through me.

“Atishan, Vhenan. It will hurt for a moment.” He gentled healing energy first through the right wing, then the left. I was heaving breath as he finished. _Please be careful._ I smiled and reached my claw back up to him. I felt him move down within the claw and brought him to the ground slowly. He jumped down with a worried expression. “I would much rather you didn’t do this, but if you insist, I cannot stop you.”

“What is she going to do?” Cassandra asked.

“Fly back.”

“But you are already here,” Adaar said. “Couldn’t you just come with us now?” I shook my great head and pointed to the dead High Dragon then to myself. “It would kill you?” I nodded. “Then how do we stand a chance?”

“Because you must,” I stated, only realizing as it was coming out that it was not my usual speech. Solas quirked an eyebrow at me. I sighed and shook my head before raising back on my hind quarters and placing my front paws under the left side of my jaw in a sleeping motion.

Solas chuckled. “Because she is too exhausted to fight.” I nodded and he looked up at me sadly for a moment before I looked up to see the dust rising. The army was nearly here.

“Good hunting, all,” I slithered out my great jaws and began walking off a few steps. A dozen more and there was the drop-off I had expected. _Excellent._ My great wings unfurled and reached skyward and I dropped down into the valley below, angling as I fell to lift me back into the air. The exhilaration of flight was phenomenal and I belted a cry to the air as I rose.

[[[Solas watched as his lover dropped and soar off and shook his head.

“Will she be alright, Solas?” Cassandra asked.

“We will have to hope,” he stated and finished taking his tent down.

“Looks like Leliana road ahead,” Adaar stated and waved a greeting to the Spymaster.

“I hope you have a good reason, Inquisitor, for the forced march. There were quite a few unhappy barons when we passed through.” Adaar sighed.

“The army is needed,” Adaar stated and explained everything to Leliana then. ]]]

The winds at least cooperated as I soared up over the many rolling country sides of the Orlais and the open Emerald Graves. The Empris was a bit of challenge as one of the dragons thought to roar at me once. I back winged and glared a roar back down at it. It decided then that it didn’t want any and I flew on up the Frostbacks until I found Skyhold and settled to the inner courtyard. I was stupid tired and hungry by then. The half hour to get to them had turned into nearly six hours to get back. The flight itself wasn’t so strenuous but maintaining a perfect balance for six hours is rather exhausting when faced with multiple winds. I walked up the stairs and found a fresh platter of meats laid out. I didn’t even think about needing to dress first. I devoured my meal and stretched out by the first fire, deciding I would descend after my nap.

Apparently no one had informed the citizens of Skyhold that a dragons’ instincts are impeccable, so the stupid Elf before me was quite shocked as I rose from near dead sleep in one motion, grabbing her wrist and shaking the dagger loose as the other hand latched around her throat, in a first thought at crushing it inward. I stilled that one and instead leaned up and over and slammed her into the floor. Wind knocked from her body then, I snarled down at her, reared back with one fist and slammed it into the side of her head. She was unconscious then and I snorted down at her. There was no one else within the cavernous hall and I smirked. _Thought to assassinate me in my sleep. Well at least you had the good sense not to try it while I was awake._ I looked down at her then. _But this kind of behavior will not be tolerated._ I lifted the girl over my shoulder and walked down to the dungeons, a few maids paused to call over but when I didn’t stop, they let it go.

As I entered the last cell, left open to the air on one side, so it wasn’t locked, I slid the girl to her feet. Still unconscious, I pinned her to the wall and willed the stone encase her hands and feet. I stepped back and looked her over a minute. _No, this wouldn’t do._ I ripped the gown from her and stuffed her underthings into a cord, which I bound through her mouth. _No biting the tongue off for a quick escape. You will remain until the true Master of Skyhold returns._ I snarled and stepped out of the cell. I looked over the bars and decided I didn’t want anything messing with my prize, so I willed the stone to raise around them, sealing all but a vent hole high on each side. _Good, now she’ll be available for judgment._ I exited and gestured one of the girls over and though she blushed furiously she obeyed. I gestured in an obvious fashion that no one was to be allowed within the dungeons. She nodded and retreated quickly. I sighed and swiveled my head a moment. My teeth ached to rip into something. I walked back up the stairs and found one of the maids stirring the fires. I drew her attention and gestured to a need to eat and that I would be descending.

“I’ll bring your breakfast right away, my lady.” I knew then that this was the elf, the same that the Inquisitor first met after that first attempt on the Breach. I smiled at her and descended to our room. I willed the fire started and wrapped myself in a fur.

Some dozen odd minutes later, the same maid arrived carrying a large platter of steaming meats. My mouth started salivating almost immediately and I had to swallow twice before I could thank her with a half bow.

“Always a pleasure, my lady.” She stepped closer and cleared her throat. “The Wolf demands a proper meal for his mate.” There was no accent there, no scraping, scared little girl. This was a warrior and I smiled at her with a bow.

“Then thank you, all the more.” She shook her head.

“I’ve no idea what you are trying to say, my lady, but I’m happy to help whenever you need.” I pat her shoulder and the scared little girl scurried upstairs.

_Well there was one I didn’t realize was one of his._ The thought made me smile. I knew he would need all his concentration, so I avoided reaching out to him and instead focused my entire efforts on annihilating that pile of what had to be at least two full rams sliced in multiple places. Ribs and flanks and steak, I devoured all and felt my stomach rumble happily as I settled by my fire. A last thought to place a barrier over the rotunda entrance door before I slept. No more surprises from sleep.

Leliana returned almost a month and a half later. I never really spoke with her much during the time that followed, but I could occasionally hear the scratching on scrolls or see the ravens fly off in another direction that day. She was apparently trying to prepare things for their return. It was another three weeks before the army returned. It was beautiful out though that day. The sun had risen to a clear sky, the temperature had been almost balmy for the last few days (which knowing what I knew of the mountains merely meant more snow would be coming soon). I had walked the battlements almost every day near sundown and sang to the sky, pining for my lover and my friend. I dared not disturb them, I knew what they were returning from and neither would need additional fear added to it.


	14. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The celebration of return, Adaar's entire brigade were more than ready to be home and stay home a little while after their victory at Adamant, and one particular elf more than any.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story contains massive spoilers for the game. Please note, that if you are reading, I take no responsibility for ruining game plot you haven't gotten to yet.  
Also, I use multiple songs within the story. I do not claim ownership to these songs. All copyrights belong to the original authors. (I'm just a huge fan :P)

Chapter 14: Home

[[[Adaar sighed as they finally crested the great bridge to Skyhold. It was over. No more stupid lords to explain that they were marching to save the fucking world but noooo. These idiots wanted re-comp-something or another for his armies marching through their lands to get to the fight. Josephine was a much welcome guest on _these_ trips. Sera had said it right; Josephine was as good at humbling her kind as Sera was. Where the lords and barons had come out demanding tributes and recomp-whatever, most times they’d left the area with gifts from the lords and promises to visit the great pilgrimage of Skyhold. Josephine rode to his left and Cassandra to his right the whole way back and he could not have been happier for both. Firstly, Cassandra’s usual expression kept idiots from getting uppity and he never had to really have a reason. The fact his honey-eyed goddess deemed him worthy enough to ride so close was a blessing and he could care less if it was from her Maker or not.

That was another thing though. This trip, if nothing else, had sealed and concluded that he was right; this was no divine mark on his hand nor was he ‘divinely-blessed’. That had struck Cassandra hard, but he’d spoken with her that first night out of Adamant. He’d made it clear he would not lie to her, that he had not been certain and that was why he couldn’t claim that before. That it had had nothing to do with her Maker, or her, he just couldn’t lie to her like that, especially if it turned out to be what it was. He remembered those words.

_“If anything, Seeker,” she looked up at him, “I’m a divine mistake.” She scoffed and straightened._

_ “Then you are the best mistake to cross our paths yet.”_

He grinned at the memory. She was glad to have him and for that alone he would find a way to lead better, to be better. She deserved it. Even if…

“You don’t have to fear,” Cole said beside him. “You will find the way.”

Adaar grinned as the spirit walked along beside his horse comfortably, calming Cassandra’s nag as he did so.

“Thank you, Cole,” Cassandra stated as she looked down to see the pale hand on her horse’s side.

Adaar looked up at her and grinned, then returned his attention forward. “Almost home,” he stated proudly and all around cheered. All save one.

Solas had no voice to cheer. The only voice he wanted was beyond those gates. The only voice…he looked up then and saw her on the battlements, a distant figure, barely discernable against the towers and sides of the walls, but she stood there, on the western wall. He focused on his hearing and faintly, he could hear her. He couldn’t make out the words, but she was singing to the sky again and that thought on its own made him grin.

“Whatcha thinking, elfy?” Sera asked beside him and he scoffed.

“Not even you can sully that joy, little Sera,” he stated, smiling up at the distant figure, wind blowing out behind her cloak.

“Oooo, plan to get back to rutting her propa? I would. She’s well fit.” He chuckled.

“Rutting, as you so bluntly put it, is the least of my thoughts. Listen,” he stated and looked over at her as he smiled. “You can hear her.” He hadn’t realized how many others were listening to their conversation until neighbors and allies were shushing each other to listen. As they drew closer, they could all hear and he began to make out words. Again with her sad songs.

It seemed the rest of the march in, the only sounds were the nickering of steeds and the slow clack of hooves over the stone. They all rode within near silent. Without thought, Solas rode ahead quickly and slid from his mount near the stables. He didn’t bother looking to see if someone had it or if his gear would be attended; he was already turning and heading up the stairs to the inner courtyard.

“Ah, Solas, Good. You’re back just in time.” He paused at the sound of his name as the spymaster descended the stairs to the hall to meet him in the inner courtyard as he arrived there. “I need you to translate this,” she stated pointing up to Athena on the walls.

Solas raised an eyebrow. “You said you were a bard, Spymaster. Certainly you know the Song of Flemeth of the Wild.”

Leliana glared at him as she said, “Not this one. After the roar. It sounds beautiful but she sings it ever day after the roar as the sun falls behind the mountains. What does it mean?” She was not the spymaster then and he realized that. She was the young bard that heard a beautiful song and wished to know its meaning, not to render someone with it, but to revel in the song itself. He smiled then as the last notes of Flemeth’s song drifted in the air.

The great roar that followed had the attention of all, but as the near doubled over figure rose, it was not to roar again.

“Moon so bright, Night so fine, Keep your heart, Here with mine. If life’s a dream, We are dreaming.” He smiled up at her back as she keened out to the sky and the sun indeed began to sink behind the mountains. “Chase the moon, Catch the wind, Ride the night, ‘Til the end. Seize the day, Stand up for the Light.”

“Well?”

As Solas opened his mouth to answer, he heard, “I want to spend my lifetime loving you, If that is all in life I ever do.” He grinned then.

“It is a song for me.”

“What do you mean?” but he could answer no more.  
“Heroes rise, Heroes fall, Rise again, Win it all. In your heart, Can’t you feel the glory? Throughout joy, Throughout pain, We can move, Worlds again. Take my hand. Dance with me. I want to spend my lifetime loving you, If that is all in life I ever do. I will want nothing else to see me through, If I could spend my lifetime loving you.”

“I’ll explain later,” he stated staring off at his lover. Before he even realized his feet were moving he said, “please excuse me, Spymaster.” He was walking towards her then, drawn up to her as she continued singing and he could no more stop what happened then than he could stop his heart from racing for her song.]]]

“Though we know, We will never come again, Where there is love, Life begins, Over and, Over again. Save the night, Save the day. Save the love, Come what may, Love is worth, Everything we pay. I want to spend my lifetime loving you, If that is all in life I ever do. I want to spend my lifetime loving you, If that is all in life I ever do. I will want nothing else to see me through,” I hiccupped there as a deeper voice met mine then as I finished and turned.

“If I could spend my lifetime loving you.” I swallowed hard then as I watched him walk to me smiling.

“You never mentioned your singing voice,” I stated.

“I thought you knew all about me, Vhenan.” I blushed hard then but my attempt to turn away was met with one smooth motion of turning my head and kissing me soundly. I clung to him then, at first merely to the hand that had hold of me but my arms found their way about him as he pressed into me. Not desperate, not lonely and aching, as I might have expected, but slow, loving, patient. He sat back ultimately to smile down at me. “Quite the song, ma lath. You’ll have to sing it for me below. I rather enjoy that one,” he stated as his hand caressed my side.

“I hadn’t realized you were home,” I stated.

He smiled down at me. _Now I am. _I smiled up at him.

_Charmer_. He chuckled.

“Only when I feel the need,” he leaned down to kiss me again but was interrupted by a near shrill Leliana.

“You weren’t supposed to interrupt the song.”

I laughed then and turned to her, though he tilted my chin up and my eyes met his as he played slow small patterns on my chin.

“Maybe I can make up for that, Spymaster.” I quirked an eyebrow.

“Oh? How do you figure _that_?” She was livid and it made me grin, though his answer near wiped it clear from my face.

“Perhaps I could convince her to sing for the hall this evening?”

I started hyperventilating. “Solas,” I began.

“You have a beautiful voice, Vhenan. Hiding it only for myself seems mildly selfish.”

“Solas.”

“Sulahn sul em, ma' lath.” I opened my mouth and he dropped a quick kiss on me. “I will dine in the hall with the others tonight. We have much that still needs discussing,” he stated as he touched my cheeks gently. “Will you sing for me?”

_Dirty trick_, my mind reeled. _I would deny him nothing asked._

_ Then you will sing for me?_

I heaved a few steadying breaths. _Solas._

He tucked my chin up and held my attention in his eyes. “Sul em, Vhenan.”

“Yes.” I swallowed hard.

“Trust in me, ma vhenan. You have an amazing voice. I wish to share that.” I smiled at him. I was his prize, and there was no point in a prize one didn’t show off. _No, my love. _You_ are far more than some prize._ I grinned then.

“Very well, ma lath. I will sing.” He smiled and tucked me close.

“She agrees, spymaster. Have the maids fill the hall with food for the evening. All will want to attend.” It may have been an order that would normally rankle Leliana, but for the opportunity, she was already up and running down the stairs gathering maids by name and sending them in each direction.

I could see as Adaar came to her and asked her something.

“The dragon will sing to all tonight! Of course I’m excited!” Adaar looked up then and I nodded a welcome to him. He shivered and bowed back before walking up the stairs to the main hall.

It was cooling now that the sun was gone and I shivered against him once.

“Come, Vhenan. Let’s get you inside to the fire,” he said as he guided me back down towards the stairs. I understood now why the stairs were as wide as they were as he placed my hand through his arm and led me down to the inner courtyard.

As we passed by the dungeon entrance, one young elf approached and bowed off. “Master Solas, your gear will need attending.” His arm tightened only slightly, not perceptively at all.

“Will you need me to be apart, while you discuss this gear, ma lath?” I asked smiling up at him. _If these are troop movements you’d rather I not be involved in, I can…_

“No, Vhenan. I’d have you come with me.” He turned to the elf then. “If you would be so kind as to show me what gear I may have forgotten about.” The elf nodded and led the way down to the dungeons. The dragon started seething as the elf touched the door and pulled it open.

_If it tries to touch my prize, I’ll rend it._

_What prize, my heart?_

I chuckled and straightened slightly. _I’ll show you when we’re done._

As the door closed behind us and two elves stepped in, one facing each way from the door, the elf before us stopped. “I’d have it heard from us before,” he looked up at me and flinched then swallowed hard.

“Have what heard, Githen?” Solas asked and it was the commander beside me.

_I think I know_.

He only threw me a quick glance before Githen began. “In your absence, we,” he paused and looked away and I felt Solas fume beside me. “We missed one, your grace.”

I started laughing then and both eyes went to me. “I believe he means to discuss my _prize_.” It was a dangerous smile across my face as I looked at the smaller elf. “Shall we show him?”

“Show me what, ma lath?” Githen swallowed again. I pulled my arm loose and walked to the solid wall of rock.

“That,” Solas paused, “Shouldn’t be there.” I grinned.

“No, lin’or ma vhenan. It is here because I asked for it.” I raised my hands then and drew from my own pool as I pulled the wall down slowly. “Hello, pet,” I greeted as I walked within. The elf still stuck to the wall cringed. I grabbed her jaw and made her face Solas. “This one,” I said looking back up at her, “thought she would attempt to kill me.” Solas’ quick inhale was easily heard. “She angered the dragon.”

“I’m-I’m so sorry, Lord Solas. I had no idea the one, that she, I mean none of us knew that it was still alive.”

“It would seem not,” Solas stated distantly and walked closer. “What do mean, ma lath? She angered the dragon?”

The dragon grinned up at him and pulled one hand away from my body as another toe nail was ripped away from the naked elf and with the other hand sealed the wound. The nail floated in the Veil before her and burned in veilfire. The screams through the dungeon echoed and the dragon reveled in it. I smiled up at her then. “She will take a very long time to die.”

Solas breathed deep and Githen swallowed so hard I could hear it.

I looked back over at Githen. “No need for your men to interfere with my prize.” I smiled back up at her. “We’ve become so familiar after all.” The left hand moved and another nail came loose as the right sealed it again, and again I raised it to her eye level to sear in veilfire until it was gone.

The naked elf was crying mumbling against her bond and I laughed.

“I’ll tell you what, foolish thing, I’ll even let you speak to them.” I loosed the bond in her mouth and immediately she began begging.

“Please, Mr. Solas. Please make it stop. Make her stop. I can’t take anymore. Please.” I rammed the cloth back in her mouth.

“Well that was irritating.”

“Vhenan.”  
“No,” I said facing him. “The attempt on my life will not be treated lightly. Besides,” I turned back up to her, “the other maids that saw me carry you in here have heard you, they know you live, or that someone does.” I glared up at her as I ripped another way to her cries. “I’ve filled the inner courtyards with your screams. None will be so foolish again.”

“None will be so foolish,” Solas stated throwing a glance at Githen who bowed lower. Solas stepped to me and touched my shoulder and I glared up at him. “How long have you been coming down here?”

“What would you say, Githen, a month, maybe a little more?”

“She asks you to name the day of her attack, Githen.”

“Forty-three days past, your grace.”

“You’ve been tearing her apart slowly for forty-three days?”

I smiled at him. “No. I let her heal about three or four days between my visits.” I smiled up at her then, the tears streaming her face. “This one thought to take me from this world while I slept. She will be an example to others.” I grinned. “All the maids give me a wide-berth now and all will share their fears with others.”

Solas cleared his throat. “Bring her,” he ordered. I glared up at him. “She will be an example, but this torture will do none any good.” I looked away then. “Vhenan, bring her to the inner courtyard. She will be dealt with there, in front of all.”

“Fine,” I growled and pulled her free of the walls. I sealed the injures as her skin tore open and grabbed the back of her skull with my right hand as she hit the floor. My left moved and the doors all opened between me and the inner courtyard. I stepped forward then. “Do not,” I snarled as he went to touch me and he froze. I marched out to the inner courtyard and threw her out into the mud. Her balance was shot from having her toe nails all ripped out, the pain still coursing her legs. She lay face down in the mud.

“Aethien,” he began and I whirled on him.

“I said fine. If you want her out here for this, then fine.” I snarled down at her and pulled my arms apart from me as I pulled her into the air in a cross like fashion, suspended in fade-lightning.

“What’s going on?” Cassandra asked as she approached.

“Please, lady Cassandra,” the elf pleaded.

“I wouldn’t do that,” another maid said quickly. It was the one I’d summoned the day I’d sealed her down there. “Lady Cassandra, I know you have far more sway than I do within the Inquisition, but I would not interfere with this.”

“Why?”

“Ella attempted to kill the dragon about a month past.” Cassandra gasped. “The dragon stopped her and has kept her secluded in the dungeons. Ask any of us that were still here: you could hear the screams repeated through the week.”

“Screams?”

“Yes. None question a dragon, Lady Cassandra.”

“I will,” she stated and glared at me.

I shook my head and amplified the lightning. “My _lover_ demands she be brought out here to executed. So,” I grinned as I willed the lightning intensify. Many eyes now watched as she screamed.

“Vhenan. Either kill her or let her go.” I snarled then but he pressed on. “All have seen that attempts on a dragon’s life are unwise. All know that they will suffer if they are foolish enough to try. End it.”

I fought it for a moment.

“Vhenan.”

_Fine!_ I smashed my hands together then in an explosive crack and the lightning centered in her core for all of a millisecond before her body exploded over the inner courtyard. The other maid fell over retching as Cassandra swallowed hard. “Do not interfere with my prizes again,” I snarled at him.

“Very well, Vhenan,” he stated and stepped to me, taking my head in his hands despite my attempts to pull away. When finally he settled his gaze with mine, he smiled. “The next fool that irritates you so, I will let you play with until you are satisfied.”

“A promise, wolf?” I demanded up at him.

“My promise,” he stated then caressed my cheeks with his thumbs, “Vhenan.” I snarled a moment. The dragon was not pleased to have her toys ripped away due to foolish levels of compassion.

_If you think I’m not going to do worse to the Evanuris, you are very wrong._

He grinned and leaned down to kiss me. It was a brief kiss; the ‘I love you even though you just said a silly’ kiss. “I would not dream of taking that from you.” I smiled up at him then and snuggled against him as his arms encircled me.

“Solas,” Leliana called from the main hall. We both looked up. “Where do you plan to seat her?” Solas chuckled.

“Come, ma vhenan. I believe the spymaster has need of us.” I smiled and tucked in close.

“You call that controlling her, mage?”

“Yes, considering before that she was ripping out toenails,” Solas stated as we continued walking. I could hear Cassandra gasp behind us. We reached the upper stairs and Leliana was grinning fit to crack her face.

“Dinner is nearly ready. Where did you want to have her seated? I was thinking near the throne or maybe in the center?”

“I believe that will depend on the Inquisitor, Spymaster.” Leliana cocked her head to the side. “Many will still need to speak with him, and the Inquisitor did specifically ask me to attend dinner with him this evening.”

“Ah. Then I will go ask him. Thank you,” Leliana said and disappeared into the crowd of maids loading tables with meats and treats and ale and breads and cheeses and fruits.

_What a feast just for a dinner_?

Solas chuckled. “It is in your honor, Vhenan,” he stated.

“What?”

“They feast in honor of the dragon. Without your guidance, the Inquisitor would not have won their victory at Adamant and the soldiers may not have been ready for the march. With your advanced warning, most returned. None doubt that it was your guidance that led the Inquisition to victory, even if you put Adaar at the head.” I blushed and stepped closer to him then and he chuckled. “You can rip a person to pieces for a slight, but nervous about others celebrating your contribution to their lives? Your world is very backwards, ma Lath.”

“Completely different things.”

He chuckled again and pulled me to his side. “Dinner may be nearly ready, but I would truly prefer to change garments before we eat. Will you descend with me?”

I chuckled. “I’ll happily go down on, I mean, with you.” He chuckled darkly then.

“That can be saved for later,” he said in Elven as he guided me down to the stairs. We barely got around the first corner before he fade-jumped us to the room, and swung me in his arms. I leaned up into that kiss as he pulled me in tight to him, at least until his shoulder armor shaved by my ear and I hissed as I leaned back away from it. He touched the ear and healed it. “Ir abelas, Vhenan,” he said as he stroked the ear in question and caused most of my body to respond to a very different sensation than the pain of a moment before.

_Solas._ It was a warning and he chuckled.

“A promise,” he said as he kissed me lightly then straightened, “for later.”

_I’ll hold you to that, _wolf.

He smiled down at me. “Hungry much, Vhenan?”

“They’ve fed me well enough in your absence,” I stated purposely not rising to his bait.

He stroked a finger by that ear again and I glared up at him. “Not what I was asking?”

“If you want to forgo dinner, ma lath, do that again.” He chuckled. “I have no qualms about disrobing and having you to myself for the evening.” He smiled and kissed me quickly then stepped back and began loosening his armor. I scoffed and stepped to him, moving his hand aside. He smiled down at me as I began removing the armor as I had before.

“A fondness for the activity, Vhenan?” I grinned and continued as I spoke.

“Beside the fact that I have quite a ‘fondness’ for your naked body,” I began as I pulled the next piece over his head and away to set by the bed, “I have always viewed the idea of being able to do this for you as a bit of an honor, if not a pleasure.” He took my face in his hands then.

“You enjoy this?”

I smiled. “More than a little,” I answered and he released me.

“You’ll forgive if that is still, hard to accept.” I raised an eyebrow to him as I continued. “The position was not generally one of honor.”

I smiled. “That is their loss. I choose to be the only one with the right to touch my mate, or his gear. If others have issue with that, it is their loss.” He smiled and suppressed another chuckle. “I enjoy touching you, knowing where the pieces fit, how to help, how to care for the materials.” I sighed as I took another piece over to join its mates. “I do not truly understand how it could be anything less,” I stated as I continued the process. “In my world, there was an entire nation that believed it; believed that only the wife or mother had the right to help a man into his armor or out of it. It was their right and duty and most reveled in that fact. I don’t see why it would be viewed differently.”

He chuckled then. “In Arlathan, the position was reserved for a slave that had angered one of the Evanuris.”

I smiled at him then continued. “Fools they. Letting anyone that apparently dislikes you at least a little come so close to your being is unwise at best.”

He took my face in his hands then and steadied my gaze to his. “The Evanuris are not slow, Vhenan.”

I let the dragon grin up at him. “I hope not. I’ll be horribly disappointed if they are.”

“Vhenan.”

“I know, ma lath,” I stated. “I know that what I seek to face will be enormously powerful. I know,” I set my hands over his then. “I will be ready, Vhenan. Trust me.” He sighed and set his forehead to mine.

“Athena.”

“Trust me.” He sighed and stared down at me.

He nodded ultimately and sat upright. “Let’s finish with this. I am anxious to be out of these clothes.” I smiled and began again.

“Now there’s incentive,” I stated as I pulled the next piece loose and he chuckled.

He waited until the armor was gone to grab me up again, but instead of holding my face, he wrapped both of his arms behind my lower back and pulled me to him. “I could never have dreamed you up, ma vhenan. You are perfect.”

I chuckled. “I am a _long_ way from perfect, ma lath,” I said as I snuggled closer. _I wouldn’t know how to be perfect._ I snuggled against his tunic and kissed the jaw bone as it moved up with my snuggling. I felt him shiver when I did and I grinned. _I love you, my heart. I am a long way from perfect, but for you, I will try to be._

He chuckled. “I don’t need you to be anything but you, Athena.” He snuggled against my head then. _Just you._

I could never recount how long we lay there wrapped in each other’s arms.

I felt my ears twitch to the movement of steps on the stairs a moment before I heard, “Pardon, sir.” I felt him look up but I had no desire to, I just wanted to snuggle closer. “You requested these.”

I could hear the smile as he responded, “Yes, I did. Please set them on the bed.”

“Of course, sir.” I heard the light footsteps pad over and sliding sound before the thump of something landing on the bed. “Will there be anything else?”

“The order is complete. Thank you.”

I could hear the smile in his voice as he responded. “Of course. Thank you, sir.” He retreated back up the stairs then at a spritely pace and I smiled into the folds of my lover’s tunic.

_Another of his agents_.

_Indeed._

_ Harder to tell when you don’t bothering looking up and some of the voices here are…different._

_ Different?_

_ Not quite as I imagined while reading. Easy to replace and make fit in person, but …like Vivienne._ I felt him tense up and I smiled up at him, blue eyes blazing. “The Iron Lady’s voice is like watching a snake constrict a mouse. They never described it as such. ‘She was a lady of fine breeding and carefully constructed her voice to sound so’. It says nothing of the feeling death lining her tone.” I chuckled and he quirked an eyebrow. “The little creek thinks it’s the biggest ocean ever.” He chuckled then and kissed my forehead.

I reached out with my will. We’d been down here a moment and I knew Leliana; she would only wait so long. “Get ready,” I said then as I felt her on the stairs.

He quirked his eyebrow a moment.

“The Spymaster is on the stairs.”

He chuckled and leaned down to kiss me briefly. “You know we’re not going to a hanging?”

I sighed. “Not sure if I’d prefer that or not.” He chuckled again and hugged me close.

“Solas,” Leliana called from the stairs.

“We’re coming, Spymaster. Just needed out of month-long gear.”

“Fair enough. We’ll see you both shortly then.”

_We’ll be there first_. The thought hit his mind as he said, “Indeed you will.” Then we were standing in the Rotunda and he chuckled as he stepped back to link my arm in his. _Everyone has to have _some _fun._ I chuckled then and we proceeded out into the crowded hall. I swallowed hard as we entered and pulled a little closer to Solas. _Lift your head, my Heart. “Ants” as you call them are hardly worthy of your fear._ I swallowed again and straightened slightly.

_Eyes forward, Athena. Just remember, this is not a room full of people waiting on _you;_ it’s a room full of people waiting on the Inquisitor. Right._

I saw him smile from the corner of my eye then and felt a little embarrassed.

_You worry too much on it, my Heart. Your voice is beautiful and tonight I get to share it._ He looked a little smug then and I scoffed and straightened.

“The dragon is the wolf’s favorite toy to show off?” He chuckled then, never looking down.

“Indeed you are, ma Lath.” _My _favorite_ toy that I intend to enjoy for the next few weeks._

_Weeks?_ He smiled down at me a moment before ushering us to the Inquisitor’s table.

I felt like a court judge as everyone stood as we approached the table. _All rise_, I thought as I smiled a greeting at each of them.

“Welcome, Lady Dragon. Please, sit,” Adaar said. I could tell he’d been practicing so I smiled at him and stepped around the chair.

Shocker one of the night: this was not the twenty first century of Earth. I no more stepped around the chair then to see it go back and Solas throwing a very easy to read expression that didn’t require his thoughts to back up. _The men of your world are fools._ I smiled at him and seated myself as properly as mother had ever insisted. It wasn’t very often that the General or base Colonel or Captain would come by our house in those earlier years but mother would have no less than her best foot forward or that foot would be applied to child behind later.

I grinned at the memory as Solas scooted the chair back up and seated himself to my left. Mom had done that too, always a girl to the right of a guy… I didn’t think anything of it until I glanced down the table to each side. It wasn’t every other seat as it seemed there were more women than men present, but always the pairing seemed to place mate-male to the left of mate-female. _I wonder if Adaar does it on purpose or if he guessed._

_ Actually, my Heart, it is merely customary. I would bet it was Josephine that arranged seating tonight._ I smiled.

“Good evening, Inquisitor. And welcome back.” Solas smiled as he relayed my greeting.

“Uh, thank you,” Adaar said as he reseated himself and the table seemed to breathe an air of relief as they all settled back in their chairs. “Actually,” he said as he settled forward on his elbows, “this whole thing is for you,” he stated with a shrug. “Everyone here knows that without your warnings, most of us wouldn’t be here.” I shook my head. “Be as humble about that as you like, but facts stand; without your help, we would probably still be trying to pry open the doors of Skyhold.” Most laughed at that. Vivienne didn’t.

“_You_ are the leader of the Inquisition and it is in _you_ that their fates are decided. I only offer words, actions must be yours.”

Solas smiled. “She said that you, Inquisitor, are our leader and that all our fates are in _your_ hands. She added that she only offers words, the actions must be your own.”

Adaar sighed. “No chance of you letting me off the hook with the whole Inquisitor thing, is there?” I smiled at him as I shook my head. “Didn’t think so,” he straightened before pressing. “It’s not that I won’t do it and I’ll find a way to do it well, but…I’m just worried.” I smiled a different smile at him then.

“You fear you will disappoint those you have come to respect.” Solas mimicked me near perfectly.

Adaar nodded. “It wouldn’t be so bad, if I mess up and it only affected me, but now if I mess up, I might just condemn all of Thedas. I mean, certainly you can see how that’s unnerving.” I smiled and let the dragon’s growl bubble in my throat then. “Right. You get it more than anyone.” I nodded to him then.

“A great leader is one that neither seeks death as a first solution, nor runs from it as a last.”

“Well put, Vhenan,” Solas stated then repeated me to the letter.

Adaar nodded and started to smile then. “Then I will try to be a great leader. Forgive me if I miss the goal.”

“Better to aim for the stars and miss, then aim for the mud and hit.” Solas chuckled then.

“Where did you get that one?”

“My father’s boss taught it to me.”

“What one?” Adaar asked.

“She said that it is better to reach for the stars and miss, then to aim for the mud and hit.” Adaar chuckled then.

“Indeed.” He smiled then and gestured to the roast pig before us. “Are you not hungry?” he asked after a moment.

Solas smiled and reached forward, to the gasp and horrification of all, to slice pieces and place them on my plate. “It is not that, Inquisitor. She is just not used to _our_ world yet.”

Adaar cocked his head to the side with an expression he really shouldn’t cast. The lack of back up light in his eyes made his dumbfounded expression worse. “I don’t understand.”

I smiled first at my lover than at the Inquisitor. “Forgive me, Inquisitor. Where I was born, where I am from, the leader of the house is served first.” Solas froze as I said it and he stared over at me before chewing down a phrase obviously and grinding his teeth forward until the canines aligned.

“What, did she say?” Adaar asked. Solas half-scoffed out a sigh.

He looked first at me and then at Adaar. “Allow me to preface this with the fact I have repeatedly stated that the men of her world are idiots at best.”

“Solas.”

“Be still, Vhenan.” I smiled at him then even as he kept his attention on Adaar. I knew the snapping was not meant at me but it was a near bark. “She said,” he half-growled, “That where she is from it is the leader of the house who is served first.” Adaar’s gaze snapped to mine as did half the table and conversations a table away on either side stopped like someone hit the mute button.

“Tell me you’re not serious?” Adaar asked.

“I am quite serious.” I smiled then at Solas. “My own father would be served first, then my brother,” Solas did growl then, “then my mother, then me.” I touched Solas’ arm and smiled up at him. “It is not as bad as all that, ma lath. I have never known different. I imagine it will just take me a while to adjust is all.” He sighed and leaned his forehead down to mine.

_These individuals are very fortunate I do not know how you got here, or I would find a way to reverse it just to beat some sense into all of them._

_ That would require there be sense there to knock in, my love_. He opened his eyes and cocked a sad smile at me before releasing the fork (still in the pig) and taking my chin in his hand.

“The men of your world were worse than fools, Vhenan. And they are very lucky I cannot reach them.”

“Here here,” Adaar followed and most the hall seemed to echo it.

“I appreciate your concern, but it is your patience I must beg over this,” I said up to Adaar. “I am not used to all your customs it would seem.”

“On that we agree. She asks you to be patient with her as it appears not all of our customs were recorded in her world.” He looked down at me with a half glare then. “Though it seems they all have to do with proper treatment of women.” He shifted his eyes up in a simple ‘look down the table’ instruction and as I did, I saw each of the women now serving their plates and then their protector/lover/companion/etc. I blushed furiously then looking down at my plate.

_I have embarrassed you again. _He shook my chin and forced my eyes to meet his.

“You do not need to feel ashamed of this, Vhenan.” He smiled then. “It will take time, but we will properly instruct you on some of the major differences and how things are done _here_.”

“Well a moment I never thought would occur,” Vivienne stated smiling her cold smile from down the table. “It would seem I actually agree with you on something, Apostate.”

_She doesn’t seem to realize that when you said ‘we’ you did not include her in that_. I smiled up at him then and he smiled softly back.

“You must eat,” he stated and returned to severing pieces of the pig and layering them on the plate. _Do try to remember to use utensils tonight_, he thought with a grin.

_I know how to behave properly, my love. At least well enough for my own world._ He scoffed then and adjusted the meat on the plate before serving himself.

_From what I’ve seen of your world I begin to wonder about the use of utensils at all._

I smiled and lifted fork and knife and while I’ll be the first to admit, my etiquette did not rival Vivienne, it was at least on par with Cassandra’s which seemed to pleasantly surprise my mate. There was no way all of this though had been prepared since Solas’ agreement with Leliana though. That thought had hit me a few times. This was probably going to be a welcome home feast for the soldiers anyway but pinning it on me made it easier. Few soldiers in the army didn’t appreciate a good meat platter so filling the hall with all manner of roasted and grilled and sautéed and baked meats and breads was not met with much resistance, even if it was passed off as just things a dragon might like.

_A dragon also likes quiet when they eat, but that’s not going to happen._ I watched my lover grin to that thought. The hall was filled with echoing voices over voices in an almost constant cacophony of speech.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how one looks at it, Leliana had the cure to that cacophony and how to shut them all up in a single statement. She stood from the table and all eyes seemed to snap to her. _More customs I’ll have to ask about later_. Solas shook his head lightly as he looked up at the Spymaster.

“Friends and Family, Heroes all! Tonight, our beloved dragon has agreed to sing for us! Some have heard her on the walls, others in the stables! Tonight all will hear!” A ruckus cheer that seemed to combine mumbled words that made me want to gag for the thought of how much food they were around and the slapping of hands on knees and mugs on tables met the announcement. Leliana’s hands raised and the hall silenced and she turned to me and I will admit I have never had a deeper stage fright than that moment. “My Lady Dragon.”

I closed my eyes and willed my anxiety in check, releasing the knot in my stomach and the tightness through my throat. The song just felt appropriate at that point so I went with it. “Heart, don't fail me now. Courage, don't desert me.” I opened my eyes then and tried not to meet any specific eyes as I continued. I had my breathing under control. Solas smiled and it made it easier. “Don't turn back now that we're here. People always say, Life is full of choices. No one ever mentions fear. Or how the world can seem so vast, On a journey, To the past.” As I continued it became harder not to smile as I sang. I knew this song well. I’d loved watching Anastasia and the next part was just so…perfect for my situation now. “Somewhere down this road, I know someone's waiting, Years of dreams just can't be wrong.” I smiled momentarily as I watched Solas break into a grin. “Arms will open wide. I'll be safe and wanted, Finally home where I belong. Well, starting now, I'm learning fast, On this journey to the past. Home, Love, Family. There was once a time, I must have had them, too.” The grin dissipated as his expression shifted to looking down worriedly at me, but I kept smiling. I knew how the song ended. “Home, Love, Family, I will never be complete, Until I find you. One step at a time, One hope, then another, Who knows where this road may go, Back to who I was, On to find my future. Things my heart still needs to know. Yes, let this be a sign! Let this road be mine! Let it lead me to my past, And bring me home, At last!” Solas smiled at me as the song finished and I smiled back up at him.

“Almost so appropriate I’d wonder if you hadn’t rehearsed it save how hard I had to convince you to sing for us tonight.” I grinned then.

“Whassa song about?” Sera asked.

“Reaching out against fear, the fear to embrace a new path; remembering that at the end of that path, there is home,” he smiled down at me, “love and family. What we all fight for in one way or another.” He turned to Adaar. “Basically, ‘Welcome Home’.”

Adaar chuckled for a moment and Solas raised an eyebrow to him. “I thought I had you with the feast, but it seems you’ve outdone me.” The room seemed to collapse into laughter for a moment.

“Mr. Solas.” Solas turned to his left to see the girl, the same subservient (non –subservient) girl.

“Yes.” His response would never have given away anything and so I kept my expression a smile at Adaar.

“Could you, I mean, would you mind, um. Could you ask her to sing the sailor song again?” (Like she didn’t know I perfectly understood her.)

“Sailor song?” Solas asked looking down at the scraping girl with a cocked eyebrow. I reached over then and laid my hand on his arm. He looked back at me and I smiled at him. “You know what she’s asking for?” I smiled down at her and gestured to her to come closer.

As she settled on the floor by my chair, I smiled down at her and nodded. A moment to remember key and, “The waves crash in, the tide pulls out, It’s an angry sea, but there is no doubt, That the lighthouse will keep shining out, To warn the lonely sailor.” She grinned up at me then and I pressed on through the song. Varric grinned from down the table as I finished. “I’m ready for the storm.” She grinned at me as I finished and then bowed (profusely) to the table.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to take so much of her time, I mean, your time. My lady dragon. I’m so sorry.” She bowed off until she escaped into the crowd. I smiled after her.

“Please let her know later that she gave no offense?” I asked Solas. He smiled down at me.

“No reason to be frightened?” he asked back. I smiled up at him.

“Harder to accept than say.” He grinned then.

“How did she know to call it the Sailor song?” Adaar asked. I grinned and pointed to Varric.

He chuckled. “Thanks for that, Kitten.” He turned to Adaar then. “She sang that song the day you all left for Crestwood. It sounded gorgeous so I asked her if there was a way she could describe what the song was about. Since we can’t understand her words, she drew it for me.” He reached into his jacket and pulled out the rolled scroll and passed it to Adaar. As Adaar unrolled it, Varric continued. “Apparently the song has three major stanzas. The first, is a sailor facing down a storm; the second, is the same sailor, resting in his crow’s nest, watching the storm pass over the distant horizon; and the third, probably the one the maids here like best, is the ship moored and the sailor is home, his love in his arms and the storm is nowhere to be found.”

“So it is a love song?” Leliana asked. I swiveled my head in a ‘yes-and-no’ kind of fashion.

“It is more of a song of resolution and final reward for it.”

Solas suppressed a grin as he stated, “She calls it more of a song of ultimate reward for resolutions unwavering.”

The old Leliana smiled back at me then and I smiled up at her. “Can we, request one more?” she asked politely. Forgetting for a moment that Solas could translate, I placed two fingers to my left forearm then tapped my chest and gestured towards the far door. “Fair enough. Two then good night.” Solas looked down at me with a question on his tongue that Leliana answered before he could speak. “You didn’t really think she would live among us and not find some way to communicate, did you?”

He shrugged then. “I suppose I just didn’t anticipate it is all. What song would you have her sing?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Leliana asked.

“I doubt she will agree to that one, Spymaster.” Leliana quirked an eyebrow at him this time. “As I mentioned earlier, that specific song was meant for me.”

“And wasn’t it also you who said it would be selfish of you to keep her voice to yourself.” He smiled at her.

“Indeed. And so I share in the joys of her voice, but I doubt _she_ will be willing to share in _that_ song,” he stated. Leliana threw him the obvious, ‘well then ask’ expression and he sighed before turning to me. “She wants you to sing your life time song.” I cocked my head to the side then.

_Life time song?_

“The song we sang together on the battlements,” he explained.

“_You_ sing, Solas?” Adaar asked in utter disbelief. “Now this I’ve gotta hear.” Solas scoffed at him and I shook my head.

“No, ma lath. On this you are right,” I stated and looked over at Leliana and shook my head. “That song is a little too precious to me.”

Solas looked up at Leliana. “She apologizes, Spymaster, but she says that song is a little too personal to sing to you.”

“She can sing it to you, I just want to hear it,” Leliana stated as if that should have been obvious.

“Can I hear it too?” Cole asked as he smiled from the rafters overhead. A few people jumped at that but I smiled up at him. “It would. It would please many. It’s a lovely song, hoping higher, soaring farther, reaching up to the stars and ever happy wishes reaching out like tendrils of night across the sky. Let him rest tonight, bring him home safe. Solas.” I blushed hard then and Solas chuckled.

“Wish granted, Vhenan,” he stated and snuggled me as close as he could.

“Come on, Solas. Sing with her,” Adaar pressed and Solas glared up at him. I could practically hear the contained growl through his chest and I smiled.

_Would you like to know the worst part of that request, my love?_

_ What would that be?_

_ That particular song was meant to be a duet._ I couldn’t help but chuckle then. He snuggled down against my head a moment and I played him the memory of the song, of the two voices and he chuckled then.

“I see,” he finally said and looked down at me. “Rather something I would still prefer to keep private.”

“Aw, come on,” Adaar groaned.

“I believe this would be better to leave be, Inquisitor,” Vivienne stated and all eyes seemed to drift to her. “It is no man’s right to force another to share intimate feelings.”

Adaar sat shocked a moment then apologized to both of us. “I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“It is of no consequence, Inquisitor.” He looked up at Leliana then. “Since you’ve such a fondness for it, I will see if I can’t record the words for you at some time, to enjoy yourself.” She smiled sadly at him.

“Is it just that she wants a love song, ma lath?” Solas grinned as he relayed my question.

“Honestly, I didn’t know it was a love song, only that it was hauntingly beautiful and had an air to it that makes you want to hope, to dream for the night of happier times.”

I glanced up at Cole and nodded. “A song for another then.”

Solas smiled. “She said a song for Cole while you decide the type of song you would like.” Leliana nodded to me then and I smiled up at Cole as I began.

“Trickster came a calling, To find a totem here, To teach the foolish heart of man, Without installing fear.” Cole grinned at me and I continued through my smile. “Many came and many went, But still the Trickster paused. Bear and cat and tiger tried, But had too many claws. Dog and wolf though wise indeed, Had teeth ‘twere quite a fright. And owl with his tawny eyes, Could only see at night. ‘No’, the Trickster said at last, ‘Teachers I see many. But my way is full of laughter, And in you I see not any’.” Cole dropped down beside me then and leaned his head on my lap as I continued, ran my fingers through his short blonde hair. “But beneath the tree where eagle sat, Coyote told the tail, Of silly hares cavorting, In the old country of Wales, Raven stared into the sun, And crow sang awful songs, And rabbit sat, a’listening, With ears so wondrous long. ‘Ah-ha’, the Trickster danced a dance, Of joy and victory sweet. He laughed a laugh and swooped a swoop, And landed at their feet. ‘Of all here now,’ the Trickster said, ‘You are the very Beasts!’ And Rabbit said, ‘I’m sorry, sir, But of all we are the least.’ The Trickster smiled and raised a hand, And spoke: ‘I have a plan, The four of you shall help me, To teach the heart of Man. Raven with your love of light, The Sun you'll steal and soon. For the gift of warmth I give to man, To be the greatest boon. And Crow, you silly creature, Who sings without a voice, Teach man of pride and helping, You really have no choice. Coyote my friend, together we'll spin, Many a tale at night, And show man by our naughtiness, What really should be right.’ At last He turned to Rabbit, With a twinkle in his eye, ‘You'll be my favorite creature, And here's the reason why: Your eyes are bright, your feet are swift, Your ears hear round the bend, But your very simple humbleness, Will steal the heart of men. Together we shall thwart the pains, The gods do throw to earth, And turn aside their fiery darts, With merriment and mirth. And when time comes that men forget, The lessons animals render, T'will be the humble rabbit, That mankind will remember.’ And round the Trickster the animals thronged, The birds and all the beasts, And humbly bowed to the king they found, Who thought himself ‘the least’.” Cole smiled as he snuggled into my lap.

“A song of ‘helping’ I take it?” Adaar asked.

“Something like that,” Solas replied. As I looked up he was smiling down at me, but I let my gaze drift to Leliana.

“Your choice, Leliana?”

Solas turned to her then. “She would know your choice for the last song of the evening.”

Leliana sighed. “Probably just something good for rest then,” she stated with a small grin.

I smiled gently down at the boy on my lap. “One of your lullabies then.”

“The backwards one?” he asked without moving otherwise. I grinned before I began then. It had been hard to explain to him.

I began as I stroked through his bright blonde hair. It was easier to just focus on the song as I sang down to his resting head on my lap, as I had a hundred times now. “Stay awake, don’t rest your head, Don't lie down upon your bed, While the moon drifts in the skies, Stay awake don't close your eyes. Though the world is fast asleep, Though your pillow’s soft and deep, You're not sleepy as you seem, Stay awake, don't nod and dream, Stay awake, don't nod and dream.” I looked up to a half-dozen at the table covering yawns. _It appears one does not need to understand the word and it’s still contagious._

“Ina'lan'ehn.” I smiled up at my lover then. Our link made some things far too easy to understand; he was not just referring to the song.

I nodded my head in a half bow and Cole got up and smiled around the table at more than a dozen half-conscious faces. “I think most will sleep now,” he told me and I grinned at him before I rose as well and it seemed a cue for others to rise with me.

“I will retire. Goodnight all.” Solas relayed it and led me arm in arm to our door. The few people in our path between that didn’t immediately clear the way were yanked by nearby friends or allies away from the path. The rule had been passed firmly through the hall: none may touch the dragon, save Solas.

More than once on that walk I heard comments on Solas being a lucky blank or something of the like. It made him grin and I didn’t truly mind. I didn’t want to admit it then, but I was actually pretty tired as well. I thought I was hiding it well until we reached our stairway hall and he almost immediately fade-jumped us to the room. I looked up at him then.

“You are beyond exhausted,” he stated in explanation to the unasked question and began loosening the ties of my cloak after starting the fire.

“I may be a bit. Thought I was hiding it better than that though.” He scoffed.

_Did you forget that I can hear your thoughts as well, my heart?_ I grinned and he continued. He pulled the cloak away, but as he reached for the tunic, I took hold of his wrists.

_It is honor to me. I would not have you_…

He leaned in and kissed me then. _Having my hands on you is always a pleasure._ He sat up only a little and smiled down at me then until I released his wrists. _Besides, you’re not the only one with a fondness for the others’ naked body._ I grinned to that thought and tried to otherwise remain still. I would hazard though that this was the first time of him reaching for me that I wasn’t immediately turned on by it. Beyond _exhaustion, my heart._ I grinned.

“You already knew.” It was a statement but seemed to come out as a question. He smiled at me.

“I’m slightly more familiar with how much energy you expended in the inner courtyard.” I flushed then. I had nearly forgotten about it already.

“I should apologize,” I finally got out.

“For what, Vhenan?” I took his face in my hands then.

“I should not have snapped at you over it.” He smiled down at me knowingly. “Of anyone I know _you_ understand a need for retribution.”

He shifted the boots on his shoulder and took my hands in his. “I do understand and hence, you owe no apology.” He grinned then. “You handled it better than I feared you might,” he admitted and I had to grin too.

“I suppose it did have the potential for all manner of catastrophe if it had gone truly badly,” I responded as I thought of a dozen ways that could have gone much worse. But truth held; Solas was protecting me ultimately. It was unlikely Adaar would have been accepting of my prize, even for his fear of me, and even if he did several others, Cassandra included, would not have been ‘alright’ with it.

He released me and set the boots over by my dresser, though he stopped to run a finger along the top edge. “I haven’t had the chance to ask,” he began and I chuckled and padded over.

“I needed somewhere to keep my things and I wanted it fitting for me, so I made this,” I said opening one of the drawers. _Tonight would be a good night for a night gown._ I pulled out my blue silk camisole; it was basically just one piece of material –sewed specifically to encase/show off the bosom—with spaghetti straps to hold it onto the shoulders.

He quirked his eyebrow then as I laid it over the top of the dresser and reached down to the bottom of the shift and pulled it over my head. _Don’t plan to let me play anymore?_

I chuckled and folded the shift, placing it on the floor near the dresser. “Thinking more on comfort,” I said and pulled the camisole over my head and tugged it down as it caught on my large breasts. I had forgotten how very much it brought attention to those until I was reaching to pull the pants off. Sure it had the much-loved quality of dropping barely half-down my thighs, but it _really_ seemed to focus attention on my boobs. As I tossed the pants on the shift I turned to see a near-feverish gaze rake over my body.

Finally meeting my eyes, I quirked an eyebrow at him. “That will not be good for your rest, Vhenan,” he stated, as clinically as ever. The other eyebrow rose.

“I’ve slept fine in it for years, Solas. I think I’ll be fine.” He stepped closer and I swear he was putting off more heat than the fireplace.

“Perhaps,” Solas stated as he stood centimeters from me, and forcibly put his own hands behind his back. “But we have discussed before, you have never had a lover.”

I chuckled, “And that has what to do with this?” His gaze softened slightly then and he smiled despite the tension radiating off of him.

Ultimately he broke into a grin and shook his head. “You truly have no concept of the things you do.” It wasn’t a question, but it was irksome to hear stated and I threw him a glare and he chuckled. “You misunderstand, Vhenan.” He let his gaze trace me again and smiled into my eyes. “It is almost, adorable how little you realize things like that,” he stated nodding down at me, “do to a man.”

I was confused, no two ways about that. “I’m not putting it on you.” He laughed then and released his grip on his hands behind his back to take my face in his hands.

He smiled down at me a moment before he leaned down to kiss me briefly. “Adorable indeed.” I glared up at him. “You don’t have to put the dress on me for it to have affects, Vhenan,” he explained and I re-cocked the eyebrow and he grinned down at me. He stood upright and let his left hand take my right. I had not expected what he did next and I flushed to my hair follicles then. I couldn’t meet his eyes as he laid my hand over his trousers and I felt his straining against it. I coughed uncomfortably and he chuckled and released me. I still couldn’t look up at him and he seemed to find that ever more amusing. _I can bury it in you but you’re embarrassed to feel it?_

_Not the same thing._

_ No it’s not. The first is far more intimate._ I scoffed and felt my face flush darker. _Athena._ I nearly grimaced for the blushing. _Look at me._ I hazarded a glance up to see him smiling down at me and squeezed my eyes shut a moment. He chuckled. _Show me my proud dragon in that and you might have me begging you for once._ The dragon liked this idea but I grimaced.

_Not, I’m not not proud. I’m, it’s just,_ I snorted my frustrations then at my own thoughts. _This was silly. So what? So he’s got a raging boner. Not that you haven’t seen/felt/had it before. What’s the issue?_ I felt my ears as they warmed. _Yeah, but before I was doing things, stuff to make it or he was doing things to make it happen. Not just…standing here._ He chuckled then and pushed my hair back over my shoulder.

“You think you have to do something to get my attention, Vhenan?” I swallowed.

_Already know that’s not true._

“You’re right, that’s not true.” I looked up at him then and the smile he held for me was nothing but the love he had for me. “I enjoy this garment, but I can’t promise it remains in one piece if you choose to wear it to bed.” I chuckled remembering his shirt.

_At least I have others_, I thought with a grin and watched his jaw set a moment. _Is that…_

_ An arousing thought, yes._ I flushed and looked down at his chest.

_How? That makes no sense._

_ Doesn’t it?_ I hesitantly raised my gaze then. He smiled and tilted my chin up. _It shouldn’t be arousing to have your mate tell you ‘oh, I have others. Feel free to tear this one off’. _ I coughed hard then and tried to look away, though he held me there. _How do you feel that should be taken, my heart?_

_ Not, I mean, I do have others, so if that’s what he, um, you want to do with this one, I’m not going to be heartbroken over it. It’s not a big deal._ He chuckled. _How many times do I do things that are…you know?_

He leaned down and kissed me gently a moment, his restraint barely touching the edges of that kiss. _Should I point them out to you in the future?_ He would ask that just as I started thinking of something other than my unbearable embarrassment.

_No. I think,_ I paused and sat back to look up at him. “I think it might be better if you didn’t.” He grinned and claimed a much more passionate kiss then and I was reminded that the Wolf does not care for being interrupted in his meals. The hand on my chin shifted to holding my entire jaw for his open pillaging as the other held the back of my head and laced in my hair. His magic rose to meet mine and nearly drowned me a moment before he smiled into his kiss.

_Your exhaustion saves you tonight, my love._ I probably shouldn’t have, but I nipped at his mouth as he went to move away and watched him fight the urge to return his mouth to mine far more brutally. I whined up at him once and he smiled. “I won’t allow harm to you, Vhenan, not even for my own joy.” I snorted at him and he grinned. “Or yours.”

_Not fair._

“What’s not fair, Vhenan?”

I glared up at him a moment. _Oh, I don’t know; it might have something to do with getting me stupid hot and bothered then stopping. Just a thought._ He chuckled.

“Perhaps, but you could not handle our joining this evening.” The phrasing keyed off memories then.

_Joining? The Wardens. Did Adaar?_

“Exiled,” Solas answered. I could feel my body temperature drop then.

_And, Katrin?_ Solas’ face shifted to sadness as he shook his head. I nodded and looked away a moment. _Poor Varric._ Solas scoffed and I looked up.

“Varric was not the worst hurt. Katrin’s lover, the elf, um, Fenris,” I nodded, “you know of him?” I nodded again. “He was waiting for us outside of Adamant.” I sighed.

_That was probably pretty horrible. Fenris has a horrible temper, even worse than mine and Varric would have already been a mess. I am grateful I hadn’t been there for that._

“You knew then?” Solas asked and I remet his eyes. “You knew there would be a choice?”

I nodded. “There was no way around that,” I said sadly looking down at the closure of his tunic. _Fenris will be angry for a week or so, then he’ll go find something dangerous to fight. I’m less worried about him. Varric will try to hold it in._ I sighed. _Maybe I could talk to Josephine tomorrow, see about some kind of, that’s right. He likes that game, the um,…shit, something Grace. Fuck._

“Wicked Grace?” Solas asked and I looked up.

“Yes. Varric has a fondness for it. It might help him to realize he still has friends here.” Solas grinned at me a moment. “What?”

“You look after all?”

“Some,” I stated, “and even then, those I shield now I am aware I may have to kill later.” Solas quirked his eyebrow and I felt my blood attempt to raise in temperature. “If they attempt to interfere with the recovery of the Orb, I will destroy them.” It was not a subject open for debate and I stated as such. He smiled at me and kissed me quickly.

“Always for me?” He looked almost sad as he smiled down at me.

“I’ve always been yours, Solas. I don’t know how not to be.” I sighed and looked away, before I smiled. “Truthfully, even when we were in Haven, even before.” I sighed. “Once I knew that I was here for keeps, that this was no dream, I’d made up my mind then. Wasn’t sure at the time how I’d go about it, but that cleared up as time has progressed.” He turned my chin so I would look back up at him.

“What are you talking about, Vhenan?” He looked so adorably confused I could hardly help but chuckle as I turned my whole attention to him.

“You asked that morning, where I would go.”

He nodded and I smiled up at him.

“I had decided then.” He quirked that eyebrow again and I grinned and looked down at my gear beside me. “I would find gear, and find a way to prepare.” I sighed and straightened as the dragon writhed about . “I knew where the confrontation would take place. I know where to find Corephyeus ultimately. And I will, I would have then.” I smiled up at him then. “I set my mind that morning, as I rose to find I was still here.” I looked back down at his collar bone. “I would train and wait, where I knew Corephyeus would come and when he did, I would take the Orb from him. I would need to find some way to contain the magics within so they didn’t destroy me immediately.” He shook my chin then and glared down at me. “Remember, ma lath that this was before, well before you had, before us,” I amended. He flared his nostrils and glared down at me. “I have a much better idea of what I’m doing now. For starters I know I can cast,” he grinned to that thought, obviously he was still angry though, “and knowing I am dragon will make things significantly easier in a few ways.” I sighed. “The challenge is how little I actually _know_ on the Orbs. Not much is actually recorded about them in my world.” I felt my body shiver even as I looked off. When he spoke it seemed to yank me back.

“We will have to see what I can do to help expand your knowledge then,” he stated looking down at me. I smiled up at him and shivered again.

“I think for tonight, I might just need a nice warm elven god to snuggle with.” He chuckled before leaning down to kiss me. He set his forehead to mine as he concluded and snuggled against the skull.

“I am no god.”

“Good. Gods are too much trouble.” He laughed then.

“Let’s get you to bed.”

“Now there’s an inspiring speech,” I jested. He grinned at me.

“Bed,” he insisted and released me. I smiled up at him and turned to the bed, though obviously just enough. He leaned down swiftly and almost instantly, he had me up over his shoulder. I sat up though he held me up, my knees to his ribs, and my pelvis against his shoulder.

_And what…_The thought started before he plopped me down on the bed, then slid over me to cover my mouth with the desperate kiss I had half-expected on the battlements.

There was no other way to translate that, it’s one of the wonderful things about animalistic minds: no additional confusion. It was not a kiss that merely wished to claim my body; this kiss was a declaration of how much he’d missed being here, with me. I kissed him back, in the only way I knew how to show him the same. I could never explain to him how badly it’d hurt to be without him, how I ached each day through all of my bones to have him here with me, but we both knew that with this war there would be times where that just wouldn’t be possible. I felt the kiss shift into a sad thing for a moment, a fear, a sense of loss for the times apart, but his was comfort met to that, a promise that the war would end and we would have each other after. I knew it wasn’t a promise he could guarantee, but he would do everything in his power to see it happen; who could ask for more.

My attempt to shift the kiss into a different need was met with a quick nip and a loving glare. “Oh, fine,” I finally relented and snuggled in against him. He tucked my head against his neck and held it there so I couldn’t bite his neck and I chuckled. “Cheating.” He chuckled then as well and finally released me.

“Sleep, Ma Vhenan.” I pouted against him and snuggled closer petulantly and he chuckled again; a sound I could literally live for. “I promise you a proper ravishing in the morning but for now you need rest,” he said with a kiss to my head.

_Oh, fine_, I repeated snuggled down against his chest. _At least I have you home to sleep against tonight_. The thought was comforting enough that I slid into sleep shortly after.

[[[Solas watched his lover breathing deeply in sleep for several minutes before he allowed himself to drift. Despite his exhaustion, he lay there just stroking her hair for several minutes. She wasn’t the only one that needed sleep, but he had her in his arms again and he wasn’t quite ready to release her. Her words troubled him slightly, so as he drifted he willed his consciousness into the Fade. He barely had to think on her before Wisdom stood before him grinning fit to crack her face.

“Something amusing you, my friend?” he asked.

“You,” she answered on a half-laugh. “The past is what it is, why do you stress your mind with trying to figure out what _might_ have happened?”

“You’ve been listening to my thoughts again?”

“It isn’t as though I had to try very hard. You came into the Fade with the question wrapped around you like a swaddling cloth.” She laughed again, that beautiful laugh of water dripping over fine crystals. He smiled sadly at her.

“Will you answer?”

“You wish to know what might have happened if you had not listened to me?”

“I suppose it is more that I wonder how far she might have taken it.”

Wisdom grinned at him. “You mean to ask how far a woman, who has lost everything save a single hope, might go to make that hope a reality?” Solas shivered before he nodded. Wisdom laughed again. “Very well.” Solas shifted his attention to her eyes then as she spoke. “She would have disappeared as she promised you that morning. She would have geared up and disappeared into the wilderness. Her magic would have become apparent at some point and she would have found a way to start honing it, even as she has but she would not have been able to discover she was dragon until well after the events she keeps playing in her mind. She would need you for that, but there is a distinct chance you would not be able to show her by then.” Solas raised an eyebrow. “You’ve felt her Will now,” Wisdom more stated than asked.

Solas shivered again. He had felt the crash in the Veil wall as she had destroyed the girl Ella.

“The better part of any in the Fade near here felt that, Wolf.” Wisdom’s expression was grave then and Solas nodded. He understood. Many, especially Rage would be after such a power. He would need to be careful. “Hardly,” Wisdom stated and he cocked that eyebrow. “The dragon is no fool, wolf. You have no need be concerned for Pride or Rage in her case. She would shred either with little effort.” Solas stared at her a moment. “You progress away from the topic. You felt her Will.” Solas nodded, though still in shock. Wisdom did not believe that any save the oldest of Elves could ‘shred’ a demon. “By the point where you will/would have met her again, you would not have been able to survive the depths of her Will to retrieve the skull to tell her what she is.” Solas cocked his head then in question. “Yes, she will become that powerful and yes she will need it.” Wisdom smiled then. “The decision to explain the Orb to her will provide you both with a wealth of benefit.” She shrugged then. “It will also help the others and I ultimately.” Solas looked up hopefully then. “We have a few ideas, though Knowledge and I differ on a few viewpoints we will need to work out.”

“Then, there is hope she will survive?”

Wisdom smiled and took his face in her hands. “There was always hope.” He smiled abashedly. “We are merely aiming to increase the chances. I don’t like gambling, least of all with lives, you know that.” He nodded.

“Will,” he swallowed. “Would you hazard a guess for me?” She quirked an eyebrow then. “At the chances, the odds?” Wisdom looked sadly down at him.

“Understand, young wolf, that we are aiming to improve those.”

He nodded. “I understand.”

She sighed and answered. “The ‘odds’ of her surviving taking your Orb from this monster, are less than a thousandth of a percent.” Solas’ breath left him then as he sucked down shallow breaths. His gaze shifted as he fought for thought, for reason. Wisdom shook him slightly and forced his attention up. “Teaching her more about your Orb will increase those factors exponentially, wolf.” He nodded and she grinned at him. “Your mate is actually very intelligent. Do not underestimate her resolve.” He shook his head then as he stared up at her in question. She shook him gently punctuating each word. “She loves you.”

“I don’t understand your reasoning,” he stated and Wisdom laughed.

“That dragon will do anything, quite literally, to save you any amount of suffering she can; without considering for a moment that her suffering might cause yours.” She paused as he tried to grasp the point. “She loves you, wolf. She _will_ find a way to get that Orb back to you, by any means necessary.”

He shook his head as he spoke then. “I do not wish it to cost her life.” Wisdom smiled fondly down at him.

“All of your friends know this,” she stated and he jolted. “All of her friends know this. Together, we will try to find a way to help her. The best thing you can do for now, is keep that knowledge from her and share all you know of your Orb and the younger elf that wielded it effortlessly.”

“You think I should teach her more of our history.”

“No,” Wisdom interrupted and he stared up at her surprised. “Not ‘our’ history. She needs to know the wolf of before, the man who feared none.” Solas bristled at that. “You fear losing her.” He coughed uncomfortably then. “Give that wolf a reason to fear less. _She_ is far too intelligent not to know precisely the reason you teach _what_ you teach. Show her the young wolf; show her the Orb; take the time to explain its workings. I know how long that will be,” she added as he went to interject. “I am very aware of how long it might take to explain to another, but _try_ to understand that your pupil in this case is just as dedicated to learning all she can of that Orb as you can teach.” He swallowed and nodded then.

“Will it help?” he finally asked after several moments of silence.

Wisdom smiled sadly at him. “On its own, it _might_ increase those chances to hundreds of a percent.” He squeezed his eyes shut then and she shook him. The glare he met was unexpected as she spoke. “On its own.” He nodded then.

_My friends are involved here as well. Several are far more wise and knowledgeable than I could dream to be, but it is hard; very hard to leave the life of my mate in another’s hands._ She shook him again and the gaze spoke volumes. He smiled up at her. “Yes, it is in my hands as well. Tomorrow, we begin. I will teach her all I can.” _Please let it be enough._

She smiled at him. _“Wake up.”_

Solas came to heaving in breaths that barely disturbed his lover, who snuggled closer and made him grin. _I swear that every day you steal away another piece of me, my heart_, he thought as he tucked her hair back behind her ear and smiled down at her. She was adorable cuddling against his chest that way. He kissed into her hair again and let himself drift then to a natural sleep. He would need his strength to face tomorrow. ]]]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
Sulahn sul em = Sing for me  
Sul em = For me  
Ina'lan'ehn = Beautiful  
lin’or Ma Vhenan = blood of my heart  
ma Lath = my love  
Ir abelas = I'm sorry


	15. Lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Athena's Orb Training begins, though Solas mixes it up one evening and decided to fulfill an earlier request.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story contains massive spoilers for the game. Please note, that if you are reading, I take no responsibility for ruining game plot you haven't gotten to yet.  
Also, I use multiple songs within the story. I do not claim ownership to these songs. All copyrights belong to the original authors. (I'm just a huge fan :P)

Chapter 15: Lessons

Half asleep, I felt the furs under me move slightly and I groaned and tugged them back, only realizing as I tugged, that there was something far too solid to be furs under them. I opened one eye to rumbling chuckle I knew too well. I groaned and snuggled back down against him. _Too early for morning_, which only elicited another chuckle. I groaned only a moment before my stomach loudly protested a need for more meats.

“Two against one, Vhenan.” The smile in his tone made it harder to be angry. I wanted to sleep, or maybe bathe, but definitely sleep. I yawned largely and snorted.

_Why so early?_

He chuckled again. “It is well after mid-morning, Athena,” he whispered gently before kissing into my hair again.

_Definitely bathe time then_. My stomach protested again and I growled. “Maybe food first,” I amended.

“Probably wise,” he stated and I looked up at the loving smile. “Food and a bath, as we begin a bit of history lesson.” I quirked an eyebrow before I yawned again and grumbled. His chuckle said he more than expected it. “Food first, Vhenan.”

I stretched and yawned largely again as I rose, curling my stomach in to sit back on my feet. My eyes weren’t even completely open when I turned to the door and belted a single roar. A negligent flip of my hand and my bath was before the fire, steaming water within. I slunk from the bed and staggered over to it. I probably should have taken off the camisole but I was too tired to care as I slipped into the warm water.

Everything just seemed to be pissing me off this morning and I didn’t get it, which made it worse. The bed was comfy, but the furs touching parts of my skin were making them itch. I would vigorously scrub those spots shortly. The floor was cold as the ice outside which definitely didn’t help my temper. The bath water was a little too hot to just lounge and enjoy and it seemed no matter which way I shifted I just couldn’t get comfortable in my bath. I snorted against the water then, the spray going up over the sides. Only then did I notice my lover, clad in his usual Skyhold fashion grinning at me from our bedside.

He walked over and set one hand to the side of the tub. The water cooled slightly and I moaned happily down against the tub edge. “A few things we will apparently need to cover first,” he stated. I opened one eye to look up at him.

_Now?_

He chuckled. “Yes, now.” He smiled at me as he continued, “The ‘itching’ is not the furs.” I yawned again, and then glared over at him. “It is your skin changing.” I cocked an eyebrow to that. “It is the equivalent of molting for your dragon. In that form, you would need oils to ease the stretching and tensing of skin over developing muscles.” I shivered down into the bath and let the water cover all but my hand on the side of the tub and my head laying against it. “May I?” he asked raising his hand over me.

_What do you intend to do?_

_ Trust me._

_ Oh, whatever._ I closed my eyes and just focused on the water a moment. Water helps but it was still irritating this morning. I felt his hand break the water just before he touched my back and his other hand quickly grabbed my head back up as I purred down into the water.

“You still cannot breathe water, Vhenan. Try to keep your head up.”

_Whatever, just don’t stop._ I slid my chin over onto my hand and arched my upper back against his touches. I didn’t know what he was doing and I cared even less. I knew one thing; whatever he was doing felt beyond amazing and had my whole body reacting in bliss.

He chuckled. “You’ve asked for that before, for other reasons.”

_I can’t even _feel_ horny right now. I just itch but that feels sooo good. Please don’t stop._

“I suppose the good news is you will only need to sleep for the next few days. Dragons don’t usually molt for more than a few days per size increase.”

_So how many more times is this going to happen_? I asked testily before he rubbed his hand over the back of my shoulder blade and I had to focus on not slipping back into the tub.

“This has happened before?”

_Hmmm, probably five or six times. Why? Awww, don’t stop_. He shook himself and returned to rubbing.

“Apologies, Vhenan, but I think I may have to insist on you changing forms for me after this molting is done.”

_Sure. Oh yes, there._ He rubbed a little harder and I swear I went unconscious for a few minutes, before he shifted to another spot. _I think I’m starting to understand why Wisdom kept saying I would need you as much as you need me. That feels amazing._ He chuckled then stopped. I groaned, but only for a moment.

_Do you not hear that?_

_ It’s only the two maids bringing breakfast down_, I responded irritably.

The pad of feet and jingle of trays became more obvious and he scoffed and stood.

_Spoiled sport._ He chuckled.

“We will need to have you shift at least once, Vhenan. Likely you actually need oils.”

The maids stopped on the stairs. “Pardon, missir. We didn’t, I mean, usually she doesn’t bathe until after.”

“No need for apologies. Please set the trays down on the desk.”

“Of course, missir.”

_Very good._

I rumbled a half-chuckle. _They can’t afford not to show the utmost care. Leliana is here and watching carefully. She doesn’t trust anyone._

Solas walked over and lifted the trays as if inspecting the food. I suppose I shouldn’t have noticed how his hands moved in shifting the lids back on but I knew every ‘normal’ Solas movement so the ‘abnormal’ rather stood out to me. “This should suit her for now. See that another ram is prepared for dinner, if you please.”

“Of course, missir.” Both maids retreated then.

_More movements I shouldn’t know about?_ He scoffed and padded back over. I opened one eye and felt my mouth water. He held the slab of ram meat above the water. Both eyes came open then and met his with a dangerous response. He smiled down at me.

“I would never deprive a molting dragon her meal, Vhenan,” he stated, lowering the meat over the tub.

I have always been animalistic, but even I didn’t expect my hand to lash from the water and the plate-sized slab of ram to be consumed in some three bites. I licked around my lips and grumbled slightly, invoking another chuckle.

“The rest you’ll need to come out of your bath for,” he stated smiling down at me.

“Thank you.” It sounded grumblier than I meant and I straightened, shivering against the cool air and repeated it more soundly to him.

He knelt and kissed me briefly. “I knew what you meant.”

I grinned at him. _Any chance you’d do a bit more scratching first?_

He kissed me again. “In your other form. Food first, though.”

I grumbled and stood in my bath. I patted my wet feet over the stone floors, still grumbling which only evoked another chuckle. I threw the lid off of one of the trays and began devouring my breakfast. I heard him pad over to the desk before I saw him sit to open the other tray and began eating as well.

As I finished eating my breakfast I turned to him. "I'm going to try to finish my bath now unless you have additional objection." He smiled and nodded to me. I grinned and walked back over my bath stripping off the wet camisole and dropping it by the tub side. The water barely cooled since I left, which was for the best I wasn't in the mood to try to reheat.

As he finished he came over to the tub again and began scrubbing as I’d requested. _Hmm. Please don’t stop_. I arched back against his rubbing.

He chuckled. “We will need to stop before long.” He sighed, as I heard his frustration. I turned to look up at him. I'm sure the concern showed on my face at the time, as he smiled encouragingly down at me. “I was merely thinking we may have to take you out Skyhold to be able to do this, if what you say is true.” He still seemed concerned but I wasn't really certain over what.

"What are you referring to, Ma lath?"

He smiled lightly. "If indeed you have been through this four or five times as you say, I cannot promise Skyhold would hold you. Your size will likely be quite, phenomenal."

"Way to tell a girl she's fat," I jested with him. He grinned at me.

"Not what I meant." He stood and began drying his hands by the fire as I rose from my bath and summoned both my towels. As I looked over at him from wrapping my hair, he was shaking his head again. _Still two?_

_ Still long-hair so yes._

"When was the last time you shifted?" I stepped out of the tub, drying my legs.

"When you were injured."

He looked down at the fire. "I could possibly house the high Dragon in Skyhold. He turned to face me. “I think perhaps we should try for a trip to the Hinterlands.”

I chuckled then. "If I am as large as all that, we might as well just take a trip to the mountain top not far from here." He nodded and padded over to me.

"You should probably dress first."

I laughed then. "Why? They would only shred as I shifted anyway." I patted the last bit of wetness off of me and turned my entire attention back to him. "Besides, at least this way, I’ll have my towels with me for after."

He sighed unhappily. "I suppose you're right." He reached out to me then and we fade jumped out to the mountains I knew so well.

I shivered once and turned to him. Then I handed him my towel as I said, "Hold onto this for me." And then I turned towards the sky and reached inward. It didn't take much to bring the Dragon forward. I stretched out to the sky feeling the shimmering of my own shifting and settled back on front feet, only to turn down to him to realize he was so much smaller than even my one claw.

_ It is as I suspected_. That was truthfully as much as I understood of what he was trying to say as I began itching unbearably behind my shoulder blades. I began trying to scrunch wings and back together to ease any of it and the rocky mountainside was starting to look overly appealing as a scratching post._ I can't reach you from down here Vhenan. You will need to lift me up there. Fade jumping into the air is not exactly the safest thing._

I am grateful he was wise enough to think because as I whined against the pain and itching through my shoulders, he cast a barrier around himself which I had not considered he might need when I reached down with my claws to grab him. I only truly noticed it when I lifted him up to my shoulders and could see the barrier around him. I'm not sure if dragons can blush but if they can I did. He stepped from my hand on my shoulder and walked to almost the exact place that was itching unbearably. He admonished me once for trying to move to ease the itch while he was standing back there so I did my best to hold still as I could against the pain and itching, the maddening itching.

"Atishan, Vhenan." I felt the familiar tug on those translucent cords again just before I felt the rush of relief flood past my shoulder blades and down my muscular arms.

I moaned in relief and felt as he had to adjust his grip on my back as I slid down to the ground. Whatever he had just used on my back left my entire body feeling like a boned fish.

_ Does that feel better, my heart?_

I grumbled a half purr up at him. I lay there in bliss for a few minutes before I finally asked, _so just exactly how big am I? I've actually never seen the high Dragon at its full length; is that a big deal?_ I more felt than heard him chuckle behind me as he climbed my great neck. I suppose he decided it would be better to show me than to try to tell me. I could barely feel his weight on me and had it not been for the fact I could feel where he was for other reasons I would never have known to look up when he climbed down between the great eye ridges and literally sat at the end of my snout.

"If you will forgive, but I do prefer to face a person when I'm talking to them. In general, a high Dragon should be no bigger than your one arm at best. Most high dragons will barely be bigger than your skull."

"So you are basically saying I am over 10 times the size of an average high dragon?”

“You are actually closer to eighty times the size of a high dragon and nearly three times the size of Skyhold proper.”

I sat stunned for a few minutes before I felt him move. He stood and gestured to the ground. I reached up more gently this time and lifted him down to the ground.

As he settled, I heard, _Shift back._

I nodded and focused inward. Trying to force the Dragon back down into the elf took a lot longer than I would've cared for and a lot more energy. As I assumed my elven form, I shivered once before he could get the towel around me and fade jumped us back to our room. As soon as I could see the fireplace, I stepped towards it, feeling him reignite it. I curled near the fire a moment, away from him, though that didn't last very long. He came over and sat behind me, laying his legs out beside mine and wrapping his arms around my shoulders

"I assume you had no idea then." He said. I shook my head lightly. I didn't want to dislodge him; I didn’t want him to let me go. It seemed the only comfort at the moment. Everything in Thedas was just so different, everything was just so very strange. I felt him nuzzle my neck. _Not everything different is bad._ I smiled sadly at his comment.

_Perhaps. Perhaps you are right._ I snuggled my face against his a moment. _Just overwhelming._ He chuckled.

“That, my beautiful little dragon, is one thing I _completely_ understand.” I chuckled then too. If anyone could understand things being a bit much, it was the single elf that had ended up with an army by accident, solely because he was willing to the right thing.

I shivered and he snuggled a bit closer. _Solas._

“Vhenan?”

“I think I might try to sleep a bit. This has been a bit much for a single morning.” He nuzzled my neck then pulled me back against him.

“As long as you don’t mind resting here for a bit, I won’t be too upset.” It was obviously more of a jest. “Besides,” he said more seriously, “I finally have you back in my arms. Do you really think I would be willing to part with you for something as simple as sleep?” I chuckled and snuggled back against him. I could feel the darkness pulling me, pulling me down into sleep again.

“Solas.”

“Yes.”

_I love you_. The words wouldn’t come before the darkness won.

[[[Solas froze up a moment before shaking himself mentally and grinning down at his peacefully sleeping lover. _Still not used to hearing it._]]]

I woke later, wrapped in furs on the bed. At least this time they didn’t itch. I heard him chuckle as I looked up. He sat behind his desk smiling at me before he rolled the parchment before him and padded over to the bed. I scooted back so he could sit comfortably as he seated himself and leaned down to kiss me briefly.

“Happy to see you are a little less uncomfortable.” I smiled up at him for a moment before my stomach rumbled. He chuckled again. “It is nearly supper. I suspect your victimized-maids will be back down shortly.”

“I didn’t victimize them, Solas,” I grumbled. He smiled down at me.

“No. They cower away from you because they are afraid of your beautiful face?” I snorted at him.

“I did not victimize them. Some are more afraid of me, but that’s hardly me victimizing them. I established a definite set of parameters, and while we are on the subject,” he raised an eye brow. “Did you tell Leliana I would eat them if they didn’t feed me a full ram a day?”

He chuckled. “No. I merely implied that no one wants to think of living in a castle with a starving dragon.” I smiled and sat up.

“So they came up with the ‘she might eat us thing’ all on their own?”

He grinned. “Seriously, Vhenan, if I had done that, do you honestly believe I could keep from boasting about such an enormous prank to you. I would have mentioned it the first time I realized we could discuss things much more privately?” I scoffed.

“I suppose not. It would be the ultimate prank, but not one I find that amusing. I don’t eat people.”

He smiled and kissed me briefly. “We are both aware of that, and I did stress that to Leliana. Whether she listened or not is her own doing.” He wrapped his arms behind my back and pulled me onto his lap then so he could snuggle his head down against my neck. The greeting was not misinterpreted.

I smiled and snuggled him back for a moment. We lay there like that for a while, comfortably cuddling until the sound of footsteps and jarring silverware made him sit up and I smiled up at him. _Embarrassed to be caught snuggling the vicious dragon?_

He glared down at me. _Never._ I grinned and he scoffed realizing he’d risen to the bait. “I will never regret being with you, Vhenan,” he stated tucking my hair behind my ears, “though I would like you to cover yourself. That body is _mine_.” The growl was not missed and I smiled up at him as I shifted the furs about my shoulders and snuggled back under them for a moment. He stood and smiled down at me.

He instructed the maids to leave the trays as before, though this time there was a third maid with them and I realized they brought his food down as well.

_He has no intention of leaving me long enough even to eat._ The thought made me grin as I cuddled down into the covers that smelled like him.

_I do not look forward to any amount of time we must be separated, my heart. I’m certainly not about to cause them._ I felt my grin spread wider.

_I am yours, Solas, as you are mine. I will always be waiting for you_. The maids settled the food and retreated back upstairs and I heard him step over to actually close the door.

He walked back over to the bed and pulled the furs down, only to grab me up to him in an embrace that didn’t need explaining.

_I love you too, my wolf_, I thought as I snuggled against him and reveled in the warmth and comfort of his arms around me. I might have stayed like that for a while had my stomach not been the ultimate romantic-moment ruiner and grumbled again.

He chuckled and leaned back only slightly. “Let’s get you fed. You’ll need your energy tonight,” he stated and stood, helping me to my feet.

“Really? What did you have planned?” I asked, purposely insinuating a return to the bed or that ‘proper ravishing’ he still owed me.

He chuckled. “You will see. For now, eat,” he stated, sliding a hand behind my lower back and guiding me over to the desk. I laughed lightly before he lifted the lid to one tray and my mouth started watering. That wasn’t just ram-steak; they’d done up the whole ram it looked like, ribs, steak, flanks and seasoned so wonderfully, my stomach decided to loudly agree with my salivating glands. “Eat,” he insisted again, before stepping to the other tray and lifting the lid.

I grinned at my own thought as I lifted a slab of ram steak and began wolfing it down. _You never did answer that question._

He looked up from his dish with a curious expression and I swallowed down the last of the steak licking my lips clean.

“What did they eat in Arlathan?”

He chuckled. _Not the history lesson I had intended for the day_…

“Then we’ll make it quick,” I stated as I lifted another steak. “One example of a dinner in Arlathan, then we go to your ‘desired history lesson’.”

He smiled at me and looked down at his plate, then sighed. When he spoke, it was in Ancient Elven. “_You have to understand, that in a world where the Fade is everywhere and not just in your dreams affects everything. To truly understand anything, even as simple as food, you must understand that nothing went untouched by the Fade_.”

I ripped into the steak but kept my eyes on him. I was too hungry to resist the pull for food, but my thirst to know more about him, about his past was nearly as great.

“Things like these,” he stated lifting the shoots with his fork, “would never have been. Fruits, succulent beyond present day comparison were interwoven with vegetables and grains into a mix of flavor and texture that never left for nutritional need. It lacked only truly the meat, the parts that could only be found by animal, but even the animals were, different. The rams were larger and much more aggressive,” he stated with a grin that spoke volumes for hunts that he’d once enjoyed. “The livestock of today are sickly by comparison and the wolves,” he paused as his gaze drifted. I licked my fingers clean and padded over to him. He was lost in thought, dark and painful, but I knelt in front of him.

“Ma lath.”  
It seemed to snap him back hard and he blinked as he looked down at me then smiled. “Forgive me, Vhenan. I seemed to have-”

“You were trapped in your memories,” I finished for him and he smiled sadly down at me.

“Not nice, Vhenan.” I grinned up at him. “Yes, I know, you claim not to be a ‘nice, vhenan’.” I shifted to a smile instead and tucked my head to the side. “I will be fine, Athena,” he half-whispered reaching down and cupping my cheek in his hand. I snuggled against it. _I could live another thousand years, free the People, save everyone and still never deserve you._ I scoffed.

“That is a topic we could debate later.” I rose and padded back over to my food. “What was the history lesson you wanted to give me today?”

“Dirtha’vhen’an ma eolas or Fen’Harel.” The name came out a half-growl and it seemed the fact that it did not surprise him, did surprise him.

“The Orb,” I stated, “was what you promised knowledge of. You never made offer for knowledge of your younger self and I won’t force that from you. You too obviously do not enjoy those memories.” He smiled sadly and nodded sideways a moment.

“Perhaps, but Wisdom has made it clear,” I looked over at him then, “I will tell you,” he stated looking up at me then.

“Solas.”  
“This is not for debate, Vhenan,” he added quickly. “I wouldn’t mind saving it for tomorrow though.” _Or all the tomorrows there after._ I chuckled.

“Then we will deal with my Orb-training tomorrow,” I stated with a grin at him. “Don’t let bad memories spoil decent food.” He smiled then and returned to his meal.

As we finished, he stacked the dishes on the desk and smiled at me as I stood over the bowl near the mirror. I had filled the bowl with water and cleaned my hands. I was brushing my teeth now, which he found infinitely amusing, but magic or no, I would take an actual toothbrush to my teeth and clean them properly. Some habits die very hard and this one wasn’t going anywhere.

He couldn’t say too much though as he walked over, dipped his hand in the water then passed his hand over his head. I felt the translucent pull of fibers and when he dipped that hand back in the water all the tiny hairs on it only confirmed it. I finished brushing my teeth and looked up at him sadly.

_Will you ever regrow it, my love?_ He smiled down at me and evaporated the water.

“Perhaps,” he finally said, “one day.” I looked up at him sadly and he cupped my face in his hand. “I’m just not comfortable with it now though.” I nodded and hugged him.

It hurt. I ached for how he suffered over past wrongs. I would do anything to make them right.

He snuggled me closer. “You don’t have to fix my past, Vhenan.” He kissed the top of my head and added. “Just be here for the future.”

I smiled. I would be only too happy to grant that request. The thought struck me and the smile faded as I tried to snuggle closer. _Solas._

“What is it, Vhenan?” He sounded so worried.

I forced the grin back and tried to force the worries from my mind. “It is of no-”

He sat me back quickly and took my face in his hands as he bore down that gaze at me. “Don’t.” I looked up at him sadly. I watched his expression contort as I blinked back tears. I tried for a moment to find my voice and had to swallow a few times first. I couldn’t meet his eyes for this. I looked everywhere else.

“I would relive my entire past to hear those words, Solas, but,” I paused. _I cannot promise. I cannot say that I will live through all this so I will not promise. I know the future that’s coming. I know he’ll have to go to the Winter Palace, and the Arbor Wilds. I know we will be separated for times. I would try to be here, I will try to return, but-_

He squeezed me to him then. “That’s all I can truly ask.” He kissed my head and held me a moment.

“Solas.”

“Hush, Vhenan. I know. I know,” he repeated and kissed me again. _It’s not for now. Hush._ I snuggled against him and let his warmth ease the cold tension that seemed to be radiating from within me.

We lay like that for a bit, each merely taking joy in the others’ company, until he chuckled.

_Wonder how she’ll take my idea for the evening after that._

“What, oh, right. You said I would need my energy. What did you have in mind?” I asked shifting to smile up at him. It was not the lecherous smile I expected that met me but a very different one.

“I thought I’d answer a request from before,” he stated and stepped back to take my hand and lead me over in front of the fire. I looked up at him curiously. He chuckled as he kept his thoughts clear. He pulled me to him and lifted my one hand up toward his shoulder as he held the other out to the side before wrapping his hand behind my lower back.

I knew the position and my heart tripled-cadence. _No. No, no, no, no. _“Solas.”

“You mentioned that you wanted to learn to dance.”

I blushed hard and looked away. _Like every _child_ in Thedas? I wouldn’t even know where to start. Sure I watched other people. Yes, I rewatched those scenes in Orlais a dozen times but-_

“Athena.” I grimaced and hazarded a glance up. “You’re not from this world. Holding yourself to their standards is a bit naïve, Vhenan.”

_Solas._ I looked away again and felt him smiling down at me.

Finally he said, “Dance with me, Athena.”

I tried a dozen times to answer. Hell, I’ll admit it, I was scared. I knew I couldn’t dance. It had taken Leo months to teach me to club dance and that’s basic hip-gyration and head movements more than anything (no foot movement stuff required) and here, the man of my fucking dreams (literally) is asking me to dance. This is going to go badly. Better not to; not to means no chance for me to fall or step on his foot or do some other bone-headed, klutz move that would be only so mortifying with it being _him._

I hardly heard his thoughts then. _She is skilled enough at grace._ He smirked then and stepped back, taking me with him. I jarred and stared up at him as my feet seemed to shift and balance against his pull. “Just follow my lead.”

_Yeah, haven’t heard that before_, I thought sarcastically. _I am so going to screw this up_. He chuckled as he flowed from step to step.

_Doubtful._

My gaze shifted back up to his face. “Solas.”

_Hush, Vhenan. You are trying too hard to think; just feel._ He was still smiling, shifting, moving and my body seemed simply to react, respond and match.

_Right. Feel._ I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to ‘just feel’ and immediately began chuckling. _You’re cheating._

_ I wasn’t aware there were such rules._ I opened my eyes to see my lover grinning mischievously down at me.

_You shifted us to the Fade._

_ Everything is easier for me here. Besides,_ he said and the area around began echoing the music he’d been dancing to from his mind_, not everywhere you can do that._

_ Never mind the fact that this is too obviously a memory, so whoever he had been dancing with is echoed here. Her memory teaching mine, where to step and when. _

“I never said it did not have added benefits,” he stated as I flowed under his arm and he smiled down at me. _Faster learner than you thought._

I couldn’t help but smile up at him. _I had a good leader._ He smirked a moment.

_Clever._

I leaned up to kiss him and I felt the memory shift and pull. He chuckled.

_Not a part of the dance._

I grinned. _Perhaps not. When was this memory from?_ I asked as I watched others begin forming around us as he guided us around smoothly.

_Can you not tell?_ I grinned and looked over at those close to us.

_Arlathan_.

“It is no prayer, Vhenan. You don’t need to speak it as one.”

I chuckled then. _If this is still Arlathan, was this how you were dressed then?_ I glanced over at the others and looked up. _You don’t exactly match._ He laughed and tucked me under his arm again as the song continued. As I came back around, I met the face I was sure would have been here. The eyes were the same as now, but he’d allowed his entire attire to shift and I looked down to notice he’d changed both of us. I grinned back up at him.

_She was the only woman worthy of my time._

_I am honored to present Mythal in your memory. She was a Great Lady, still is_. He smirked then and we swung into the flow that seemed to swing everyone around the room in a great circle. I worried only briefly before I realized Mythal would never miss a step and in so, just trust my own legs. My muscles apparently bore the muscle memory of dance, why fight it. I smiled lightly then and he grinned down at me.

The Dread Wolf, the Solas of old, did not smile. He was either grinning or scowling at you; a truly young wolf. The thought only made me smile more gently at my mate. It was a bit different to watch his hair flow nearly as effortlessly as my own. Up this close, it was a bit more obvious; they weren’t dreadlocks like so many had thought, but hair as free flowing as my own, carefully held wherever he wanted in Fade loops within his own body.

I chuckled then as I took his appearance in as a whole. Rebellious young wolf to adorn long sensitive ears in multiple earrings that most definitely did not match the regal apparel. I glanced over him and the memory spoke around us and I felt my Solas’ amusement.

“You’re the one that insisted I wear this,” the Dread Wolf sniped, maintaining his grin as he led the Great Lady.

“You cannot even see how handsome you are in it,” Mythal’s voice came from my body.

He scoffed. “Like I care if any of these spineless molls are interested. Just one more proof,” he growled and I chuckled, which became a laugh, breaking the memory as my Solas continued our dance.

“Something amusing you, Vhenan?” Solas asked smiling down at me and I tried to get my laughter under control.

“You really did actually growl it. You could have pulled those same sounds from a wolf’s mouth.” I tried to say it without gales of laughter but I was still chuckling as I tried to get it out.

“That is amusing?”

“Only that I feel better about my outbursts with Cullen because of it.” Solas’ expression only flickered once and I chuckled as I smiled up at him. _No need for that, my wolf._ He smiled down at me then.

“I know that,” he affirmed and slid his hand behind my back closer as he pulled me up to kiss him, forgetting the dance and merely stretching my other arm behind his head.

_Solas._ Something I would never be able to explain or reason away: how very happy I was just to be in his arms. The kiss was just bonus to that. I felt him grin against the kiss then.

_If that is bonus, my heart, you will have to explain to me what the rest of the night is_. “_Wake up._”

I shook my head then as I shifted back into my body, only to feel him shift to rise over me and smile down at me, the fire still glowing beside us. He leaned down and nuzzled my face in simple animalistic gesture. His body was tight as a drawn bow though as I went to embrace him, and my body reacted, heating and warming across places as he nuzzled my face innocently.

My magic reached out to his and the nuzzling shifted into a dominating bite over the voice box and I tightened and mewled up at him as my hands gripped into the back of his tunic, balling and bunching it in my hands against the feeling. I’m certain the fact that I was still merely wearing a towel didn’t help as the cotton, closely wrapped under my arms was rubbing against tightened nipples under.

_Insatiable_, he paused and his hands wrapped under me, _and Stars how I love it,_ he finished lifting me with him.

“How can an Orb, have a ‘unique-shape’? It’s an Orb, as in round, spherical thing.” He’d been trying to explain the structure and my mind was struggling with it.

He smiled at me, tracing my lips with his finger. My attempt to lash a tongue out to that finger was met with a tap on my nose as he pulled his hand away, grinning at me. “It is much the same as a tongue. Most have a similar shape, but they are still very different.” He leaned down and kissed me then. _Exampling_ he excused in his mind.

_A most distracting instructor,_ I thought as I reached up behind him to indulge in the kiss.

He chuckled as he sat up, pulling me up with him and settling me on his lap, a knee to each side of his hips. “I think you got the point,” he finally said as he leaned out of the kiss before it shifted forward.

I nuzzled his neck and felt him rumble a half-growl as his body heated in response. “Multiple times, but I don’t mind taking it again.” He jerked his chin around to but my head up and glared down at me. “Oh fine, not for now.”

He grinned at me. “Insatiable.” I smiled until a question hit my mind.

_If each Orb were so very different, what could happen_? He slid a finger under my jaw and my focus slid back to his eyes.

_With what?_ I went to shake my head and he gripped my jaw and bore that glare down into me. _Do not attempt to pass this off. Anything involving the Orbs is dangerous, my heart._

“I know that,” I told him as the sadness tinted my expression. _I know that I risk my life for what I will have to do._

“Athena,” he began.

“Do not try to talk me out of it, Solas.” I wasn’t going to hear that. It’d be a waste of his breath and both our time. I would help, I would find away.

“Then let _us_ find a way,” he stressed and I looked up at him sadly. “Together.”

I smiled sadly up at him before the realization hit me like a ton of bricks and I stared up at him as my mouth dropped open. “That’s why.” He cocked his head to the side. “That’s why the Inquisitor is dying.”

“I do not follow, Vhenan.”

I grinned and took his face between my hands and kissed him soundly before I continued. “The Inquisitor’s mark, the ‘anchor’ or whatever they want to call it.” He quirked an eyebrow and I sighed and smiled at him. “Come on, Solas. We both know the Anchor is killing him.” Solas tried to clear his expression as the shock showed a moment. “Just us here, ma lath.” He grinned at me then.

“Let's pretend for now that we both know.”

“That's just it. We do both know that it is, and it's only killing him because he was dumb enough to grab it.” _What's going to happen when I touch it?_

He took my wrists one in each hand and pulled them from his face only to kiss the knuckles. "You won't." Had it been any other tone I might've risen to that, but he sounded almost terrified. I ached for the pain it was causing.

"Solas."

"You won't!” It was a shout, but his heart echoed behind it the fear that went with that; the knowledge that if I touched that Orb, I would be fortunate to live through the day.

I shook my head and looked up at him sadly. _This is why I had no intention of every mentioning it to you._

_Yes because your unknowing death would make it better._ “I would rather lose the Orb,” he mumbled.

“What?”

His gaze slapped up to mine then. “You still don’t understand. I would rather lose anything, everything,” he growled and the growl died as he finished on a whisper, “not you.”

“Solas.”

“You promised,” he began and dropped my hand to grab my face and snuggled his forehead to mine, cuddling the skull. “You promised that if there was another way, you’d take it.”

“I promised that so long as it wouldn’t,” he ground his teeth then and held me tighter, “end with the Orb destroyed, so long as the end goals are still met.” He wouldn’t let me finish then as he buried the conversation in a kiss that screamed ‘no more’.

When finally he broke our kiss I watched the tear drop down his cheek and my heart wrenched in my chest. “You must not touch the Orb.”

“Solas-”

“Hear me out,” he said quickly to my interruption. “There are other ways. _No one_ is meant to ‘touch’ that specific Orb.” He paused and I gasped as it hit me.

Nowhere in drawing, or writing or game play do they show Solas actually touching the Orb itself until the magics were all ripped from it. It was always suspended above him or above his hand, always held in Fade wrapping lifted above him by his own Will and the thought registered hard. _His Will_.

_This is why Wisdom said you must know. You catch onto things almost as fast I did._

_Prideful of you but not untrue, and completely off topic._ I shifted and stared up at him then. “That’s it then, that’s the key.”

_Key?_

I shook my head and tried to explain. “I’ve been beating my mind bloody trying to figure out how, how it could be done, but that’s it.”

_Try slowing down a bit, my heart. What is ‘it’?_

I sighed and tried to get my thoughts in order. He would need them in order to completely understand. “Coreypheus will come, be sure of that; as sure as Varric will keep writing and Sera will keep pranking, he will come.” I took his hands in mine and held them in front of my chest. “I will face him and his dragon.” Solas’ expression shifted then. “I must. Adaar must not be given the chance to interact with the Orb, so I will go, and I will win that. There is no doubt there. I will win, but taking the Orb from him has been a constant ‘how, if, maybe’ through my mind since Haven.” Solas quirked an eyebrow. “But that’s it, you just solved the puzzle I’ve been trying to put together for months.”

“I am still not following you, Vhenan. What is it? What solution?”

I grinned at him. “I will need you to show me _your_ barrier.” He shook his head in confusion looking down at me. “Will you trust me in this, ma lath? Show me your barrier, so I can learn it, so I can copy it.” Realization dawn across his face. “With your barrier, I can wrap the Orb and keep it distant enough. So long as Adaar keeps himself out of this, I have the answer, I have the way to come home after.” It was harder to contain the excitement behind that. The second biggest hiccup in the entire plan, laid bare. The only thing required was to keep Adaar away from the fight, and I could fly, so I wasn’t too worried about that.

I must have lost myself in thought as I jerked back hard as he took my face in his hands. “Do you truly believe you can copy it that well?” It wasn’t an arrogant statement, it wasn’t meant to be. He sounded almost hopeful.

“It may take me some time, but yes,” I stated smiling up at him. “The only potential flaw in all of this is if Adaar gets in the way. The Anchor is still linked to the Orb.” I stared up at him then and made sure I had his whole attention. “If Adaar gets there, he will ‘call’ the Orb to him, to the Anchor.” I shook my head as I continued. “That is the only risk. All else is within my control, I can manage the battle, I can mimic your energy flow enough to safely transport the Orb—hell, I’ve memorized everything else about you, what’s one more thing—but if Adaar gets there, he will ‘call’ to the Orb.” I leaned up and kissed him briefly. “I will not let that happen; all else be damned.”

He sighed and kissed me soundly before looking sadly down at me. “Perhaps between now and then I can show you other reasons not to ‘all else be damned’.”

I grinned at him. “I have a few ideas.” He chuckled.

“Insatiable.”

It barely took me a full day to learn to mimic his barrier enough that I wanted to try it out. I jumped us to the Fade then and he smiled at me. “You’re getting better.” I grinned.

“Do you think she’ll come?”

“More likely a different friend this time,” he stated looking up as a tall male elf looking form appeared and began walking towards us. “My friend.”

“Hello, old friend. What manner of combat do you wish to participate in now?”

He nodded down to me, “It is actually my mate that desired your presence. Properly, Athena, meet Command. My friend, my mate, Athena.”

I bowed off to him. _Almost intimidating but still beautiful, most interesting._

“Thank you, child,” Command said. “What is it you wished of me?”

“I want to try to cast a barrier, but I need it to look and feel exactly like his; or as close as possible.” Command smiled at my addendum and nodded. I reached to my own Will and pulled the barrier forward.

He walked around me a few times and smiled as he faced me. “Nearly perfect, though your legs will need adjusting. The right calf is still off.” I shifted the barrier to the image and he grinned. “Very well done.” He turned to Solas. “You choose well.” Solas nodded a thank you.

“Will you test it?” I asked. Command turned back to me. “The barrier, will you strike it to see that it holds.”

“Do you doubt it?”

“I asked him to call one of his strongest friends, call to one that might be able to shatter the barrier. I need to know that the barrier created is strong enough to withstand exponential force of Will.” Command grinned.

“I see. You mean to shield his Foci in it.” The shock registered for a moment. “You think too loudly, child, but as you wish.” He turned full to face me then and brought a terrifying level of Will down on that barrier. I felt nothing. He smiled. “I would say you might have a plan.” I released the barrier and smiled up at him.

Solas insisted that I still learn more of the younger wolf after that though. He seemed certain that somehow it would matter. I learned many of the names of his friends, some that still existed, some that had been taken from him. I learned of foods and dances and art forms I had never imagined. I learned of the Spirit of Purpose that had instructed a very young elf to paint. I learned of creatures whose names had been lost even before Tevinter founded on the ruins of Elvenan. I learned more of the treatment of slaves, the decisions of the Evanuris, the debate that became a war.

I learned what the war truly had cost him, things that had not been part of my books. I couldn’t watch, couldn’t meet his eyes as he recounted the things stripped from him before the creation of the Veil. I turned toward the fire, away from him then. Foolish of me truly, knowing how linked we were, knowing he could feel from me anything he sought. I faced the fire though, tried to hide the tears. I had known only small parts and it had ripped at me before, but things people didn’t like to put in books, things Bioware would not risk putting in the game. The Evanuris were ruthless in their destruction of anything ‘their enemies’ grew fond of. Even if the freed slave were a child, they were ‘exampled’ to others. I shivered again at the descriptions and swallowed hard. It explained why Ranier’s action toward the children had set him off so horribly as well. I knew Thom Ranier would be needed later, but I almost regretted not letting Solas have him. I truly had understood nothing about him.

Warm arms wrapped around me as his breath whispered by my ear. “Of anything you have no idea on, Vhenan, it is how much I regret those words.” He kissed at my neck once and nuzzled against me. “They were unmerited.”

_Solas._

“No. They were unmerited. In your ignorance, you sought to find a way to help me, and I ripped your heart out for it. There is no justification for it. It was unfair of me.” He sighed and snuggled down against me closer. _The fact that the words still ring so loudly through your mind tells me plenty, my heart. I am so sorry._ He kissed into my neck and snuggled me a moment.

_Solas, my love, I would not cause you more pain. Have you not suffered enough?_ I shifted in his arms as he smirked sadly a moment before his face contorted again in sympathy for my pain as he dashed away the tears lining my face.

_Athena. I am sorry, my heart, truly I am. _“It’s a moment in time I would sacrifice much to,” I slipped my hand over his mouth and looked up at him. _What?_

“Never wish aloud things that you cannot define perfectly, ma lath. There a dozen ways to make that wish a reality and most are far worse.” He squeezed his eyes shut as he the realization dawned across his mind. “The Unchanging World and the Fade may be separate for now, but no need to start bad habits that could cost us later.” He smiled from behind my hand then and looked down at me. “Yes I said, later, as in I’m planning to stick around and see how much joy I _can _bring a life bereft of it.” He lifted his hand to my wrist and pulled my hand from his lips, kissing the arm above his hand.

_It has not truly been as bad as all that_. He smiled as he continued kissing up my arm. My arm held in his by the wrist brushed by his ear then and I purposely let my fingers trail where I’d multiple times seen earring laced. He stopped and shivered as I felt his body heat kick up. I smiled up at him.

_You have been alone for so long, my love. If I can ease that at all_, I began.

_You do. _His eyes opened to smile down at me_. Having you, even if only for these brief times between_. I sighed. _You are not stopping me from rebuilding my own power. Stop saying that. I maneuvered around far more challenging objects than a woman devoted to me beyond reason before, and our bonding only helps._ I cocked an eyebrow to him then. _You have not noticed?_ He grinned then. I quirked an eyebrow at him then.

_What are you talking about, Solas?_

He smirked and reached out slightly, but rather than manipulating the translucent fibers of the Veil, he reached to me, to my Will and I felt him draw from that Ocean. It wasn’t painful—hell, it was barely noticeable—and it refilled immediately.

_You can tap into my Will?_

_ I can do more than that, my heart._

“What do you mean?” I was truly curious, my earlier heat and desire forgotten to the temptation of further knowledge.

_Our bonding is like none known. We are connected deeper even than the twins of the Evanuris._

“You’ll have to forgive, ma lath, but I don’t understand how that’s such a big thing.” He grinned.

_They would be so infuriated to hear that._ “What I mean, Vhenan,” he finally said when he got his mirth under control, “is that—somehow—through our bonding the ‘training’ you have put yourself through is also effecting me.”

_Did I-_

“Atishan, Vhenan, you are not hurting me. Quite the opposite.”

_I don’t understand, Solas._ He smiled and lifted that arm over his shoulder as he pulled me to him.

He wrapped his arms behind my back and smiled down at me. “You fuss over me not being ready, not having the time to train or to do this or that that you seem to think I will need to do.” He grinned. “Everything I need to do, I am doing, Vhenan. But you took a big part of my worries off my shoulders.” I shook my head quirking an eyebrow up at him. He kissed me briefly then returned to smiling down at me. “Every day you spend training to take on the Evanuris yourself, which I still do not think is wise—we can discuss it later, vhenan—every day you spend on building your will, your strength and knowledge,” I looked up at him as he paused.

“What?”

“You are also building _me_.” Being honest, it took me a moment. I sat there like an idiot for a few heart beats before my brain crashed the information together and smacked me with it. My jaw dropped as I felt down to pool.

The dragon peacefully swimming in an endless ocean that grew larger by the day. Now it spanned large enough it could almost have been the night sky, save a lack of celestial bodies. She was content. But he had drawn from us. _But if_

_ Yes, my heart. Reach for me. _I met his eyes as I reached out with my will for him. He allowed my energy passed his natural barriers and I found the wolf easily. He was lounging, smiling at me, greater than before, larger and six vibrant red eyes shown brilliantly against his dark fur. There were no longer any memories of Karl there. This was no tamed hound, no loving mastiff to guard and protect. This was the terror of the Evanuris, the fear of the Elven Gods and he personified it easily.

He’d been travelling and only been home with me for a few days now, maybe a week. There was no possible way he could have built _that_ much power in these last few days; especially considering how many of those hours I stole for myself. _No. How-_

I released my will and looked up into knowing eyes. _I have already told you how._ I sat shocked a moment.

_Then, would he, is the wolf as large as the Dragon then?_ He laughed a moment.

“No, Vhenan. Nothing I have witnessed in any exploration anywhere is as large as the dragon.” I shivered.

_Maybe, that means. Maybe that means we are strong enough, big enough to handle it. _I sighed. _I have not actually seen Coreypheus’ dragon. I have no idea how large it is, or how powerful._ Solas chuckled.

“By that comparison, Coreypheus’ dragon would be as Varric’s nug to your Falon.” He chuckled again. “There is no true comparison, Vhenan. If you wished to grow to a point you could swat him away like some pesky insect, you are nearly there.” The dragon preened at that thought. _Do not fear that creature. _

I scoffed. “I do not fear his dragon.” I looked away then. “I fear the barrier won’t work.” He turned my head back to him and smiled lovingly down to me.

“If it were not going to work, Command would have said so.” I smiled sadly at him.

“Just worried. I can’t make it come faster, but until it does, all I can do is hope, and worry.” He chuckled.

“The issue with any ‘future’ plan,” he stated and I grinned then.

_Right._ I began laughing then. He quirked an eyebrow. “It’s like a wedding, except it involves a lot of killing.”

He smiled and sighed. “There is a part of me that still believes that is what you want.” I chuckled.

“I would not force that from you, nor would it have any real meaning to do so.” He quirked an eyebrow then.

“How do you mean?”

“Well, let’s start with the most basic thing to the entirety of it, under what God?” His confusion seemed only to double. “Where I am from, a vow as that is spoken under the deity one believes in. Be it a christian god without a name, or the jewish yaweh, or pagan goddesses, or even here in Thedas, under the ‘Maker’,” I scoffed, “or ‘Elgan’nan’, like I would swear my love for his enemy under the man I plan to murder. Any way you slice it, it is always done under a god. I follow none here, and my Gods would mean nothing to you. Forcing the issue seems more than a bit silly to me.” He grinned.

“I would like to hear more of your gods at some time though.”

I smiled. “We will have time between.” He quirked an eyebrow. “Coreypheus will attack. Following his defeat, there will be precious little I can tell you. I know where the Inquisition will end up two years after and what you ‘had been doing’ vaguely, but I do not have specific details.” I sighed and looked away. _By then my useful qualities will reach an end._

“Athena!” My gaze snapped back up with the roar. It was anger I looked up at, near anger incarnate.

“It is why you wanted me at your side.” I felt the growl almost before I heard it.

“It is why I would have insisted _then_,” he stressed firmly.

_Solas._

_ Do you truly believe that? Do you honestly think I keep you here, in my arms, my bed because you hold some strange knowledge of the future._ He sighed sadly and snuggled his forehead to mine. _Truthfully, Athena, I would be just as happy to never discuss that again, the future, the possibilities, the fears. I know it is not reasonable, or wise, but I would be just as happy._ He opened his eyes to stare down at me. _Do you believe it?_

I smiled up at him then. “It is less belief and more just fear, ma lath.”

“How do you mean?”

I looked down at his open shirt, no tunic today, and smiled sadly. “It is fear, all fear is illogical. Fear is a simple response to a situation, or a previous situation.” He remained quiet to let me organize my words. “I understand a little too well why you preferred to remain alone; it seems constantly that the closer someone is to you, the more likely they will get hurt or hurt you.” I heard him sigh exasperatedly, but I pushed on. “It is a fear, a foolish fear that I will outlive my usefulness to you and you will have no need to keep me. I know it is stupid.”

“Well that is the first intelligent thing you’ve said in the last few minutes,” he snapped. “Yes, it is stupid. I will not be separated from you; not now, not a thousand years from now. _I am your choice as you are mine_.” I smiled up at him.

“I know that, Solas.” He sighed. “The fears are there, but they are my enemy to fight. Those fears ultimately have nothing to do with you.” He quirked an eyebrow then. “I am afraid, but these fears are things I must sort out as while it may seem like it, they have nothing to do with you. I am afraid of losing the only thing that matters to me. I am afraid you will no longer want me, that at some point, I might bore you but those have nothing truly to do with you as with my own issues. I know my mind. With the dragon, fear and shame and doubts of before are coming forward, but she crunches through them like so many ram steaks.” He was quiet for a few moments.

“Just let you sort this one out?” I smiled up at him.

I nodded. “I will sort it out, ma lath. You’re worth it.” He grinned then.

“Could never deserve you.”

“No,” I said quickly, “you deserve better, but you’re stuck with me, so we’ll make the best of it.” He glared down at me a moment and I pulled a Sera, glaring back with my tongue out. He snatched my jaw and leaned back all in one motion.

“If you want to leave your tongue out, I can give you a better use for it,” he growled softly. I chuckled and smiled down my jaw at him. A moment later he placed me back on my feet. “Not wise to manipulate a wolf, vhenan.”

I grinned. “Who said a damned thing about manipulating?” He quirked an eyebrow. “Well?” I said expectantly. “What are these better uses?” His expression shifted and I felt my wolf come forward as he leaned down to claim his kisses.

[[[Few things were as comforting for the ancient elf as laying in his old bed, snuggled beside his beautiful lover, just watching her sleep. It was more habit than need at this point. He’d rested for a few thousand years. He was rested, but for the chance to just hold her as she slept, he’d lay here for a few hours. He smiled as she mumbled softly before she tossed her head over, her hair splaying across her face. Stealthfully, he reached over and pulled her hair back behind her ear. She mumbled again and her face contorted. His ears perked then. _A nightmare?_ She flinched again.

_Solas!_ She sat bolt upright then, eyes open and breathing as if she’d been running and not laying peacefully in sleep.

“Atishan, Vhenan,” Solas whispered, reaching by her face to turn her back to him. Her eyes were still wide, but as they locked gazes a moment, she flung into his arms, clinging and crying against him. “Atishan. It was just a nightmare, ma lath. Hush.” He kissed into her hair as he held her there. “Just a nightmare.”]]]

Despite his attempts at comfort, I couldn’t seem to shake the images. I knew better, I knew this was just my mind worrying over the only thing I had no chance to control the outcome of. Elgan’nan’s arrows pinning my lover to the ground would be enough to shatter me, and he would win. I could not let that happen, could not let him near Solas.

“Hush.”

_Solas._ I snuggled closer and forced my body to respond, fighting down the tears from that image, fighting back the image as lies. Just as likely they knew I would come for them. Not unlike the Evanuris to attempt to dissuade with nightmares. It took several minutes to contain my mind; several minutes with him merely stroking fingers down my hair over my back, whispering softly to me.

I wasn’t sure when, but I ended up back in the Fade, his arms still wrapped around me. The room around us was different though and I looked about to try to understand. He chuckled and leaned back to smile down at me.

“No more nightmares.”

“Where are we?”

“An older memory,” Solas replied smiling out over the area. I had gathered that much though as the surroundings were not Skyhold and the bed looked much larger, quilted in materials I could not place.

“I suppose the more appropriate question then is when are we.” He chuckled.

“Nearly a thousand years before any would call us gods. We were leaders all, powerful mages that spent thousands of years learning the minutia that would later deem us as greater than others. We sparred between each other, but it wasn’t actual conflict. Anything that important was brought to Mythal. She was as wise as she was just.” He sighed and his face contorted into a half-snarl. “Her _husband_ was temperamental and all knew. You only spoke to Elgan’nan over an issue that Mythal couldn’t or wouldn’t resolve. The results of that were generally predictable: every side of that argument was going to lose.”

“So why bring us here?”

He smiled at me. “Not all my life has been so ‘bereft’, vhenan. I was happy for a time, teaching others, painting images in the Fade and casting them over the skies, running through open fields and hunting as it pleased.” He sighed. “Mythal once referred to me as the hound of the ancients, that later got twisted into being called the Dread Wolf. By that time though, I took it as a badge of honor, a title to frighten my enemies and give courage to my allies.” He sighed again. “A young foolish elf, that believed he could ‘fix’ the world.”

I chuckled and he looked down at me with a question. “But you did, ma lath. You changed the world. It took a few millennia to bleed out the old but the world built in tearing down the Veil will not be the one of before.”

“But will it be better?”

I grinned. “No one ever said whether change was better or not but you did bring change. How the People choose to act in their changed world will be on them. They will be slaves no longer. Their actions are their own, not to be judged by elves with god-complexes lodged in their minds.”

He grinned and snuggled his head to mine. “I fear I may have doomed the People with my actions.” I smiled and nuzzled him back.

“That I can promise you that you didn’t. It will take time to adjust, these elves have not known the Fade and will need careful instruction, but they will adjust and adapt and they will become better than you dreamed.” He smiled sadly down at me then.

“Bold words indeed, at least from anyone else.” I smiled up at him and leaned up to kiss him briefly.

_“Solas. Are you ready yet?”_ I knew the voice calling even before she walked through the door. Mighty Mythal in all her glory, gowned in beautiful white cloth, mesh-like lace sleeves dragging to the floor around an off white dress sheathed in starlight white mesh. I stared only until movement beside me shifted my gaze. The younger elf rose from the bed, as stark as I could dream.

_“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m coming.”_

_ “Certainly you plan to wear more than that.”_ _He grinned at her and she scowled._

_ “Fine.” A brief pull and his clothing fit about him and my heart jumped to my throat as I tightened in a dozen places. Black suited him a little too well and his choice of tight-fit trousers and loose tunic top covering tight black sleeves that defined nearly every inch of him had my mouth about watering. I flushed hard at the chuckle beside me._

“Enjoying the view, Vhenan?” I blushed harder.

“I usually do.”

_“If you truly wish not to participate-”_

_ “Right, because stuffy-assed Elga is going to forgive my absence.”_

_ She glared at him._

_ “Yeah, yeah. Try to be more respectful, I know. Can we get this over with already.” She smiled at him. _

_ “Come on, wolf.” _

He chuckled from beside me as he watched the two leave. “I suppose I was being mildly disrespectful to her husband then.” I grinned.

“Mildly,” I said on a laugh. _How exactly is calling someone ‘stuffy-assed’ _mildly_ offensive?_

“So perhaps more than mildly,” he admitted with a shrug. I leaned up and kissed him.

His head shifted after a moment as if he was listening to something and I tuned my ears. Faintly I could hear Leliana’s voice. “We need to go.” I nodded and snuggled closer to him. I hated this part and he held me a moment before his usual ‘_wake up’_.

I came awake and yawned largely, stretching out over my lover’s chest. I felt his rumbled chuckle as he held me. “Good morning, Vhenan.”

Before I could answer, I heard Leliana’s whisper again , “Solas!”. I growled and attempted to rise, though my lover held me to his chest with a warning expression. I snorted and spoke instead.

“You’ve woken us, Spymaster. Tell me that it wasn’t merely to speak to my lover.”

“Calmly, ma lath,” Solas stated gently stroking down my back. “The Lady Dragon asks why we were awakened, Spymaster. Afraid she didn’t wake well.”

“Apologies,” Leliana’s voice came from the other side of the curtains. “It is imperative though. I will need to speak with her about helping us.” I growled and Solas squeezed me to him.

“Atishan, Vhenan. Let us at least hear the request.”

I swiveled my neck around and reached back to pull his arm from my back. It shocked him obviously that my physical strength was enough to do so against his attempt. I moved his arms away and sat up. “Then I will hear her.” I curled in and up to standing and he shifted to the edge of the bed. “You may wish to cover yourself, ma lath.” He quirked an eyebrow then threw the furs over his lower half as I willed every curtain around the bed back. I was glaring down at Leliana from my bed as the curtains came up. “Spymaster.” It was a half-hiss greeting and Solas played it down as well as he could.

“She greets you, Spymaster.”

“Good morning.”

“We will see.” At the moment, I would much rather be back in that memory than having this conversation and I am certain it showed.

“I would not have taken the stairs down here if it weren’t urgent.” I quirked an eyebrow, an obvious, ‘then get on with it’ expression glued to my features. She coughed once. “I see. I received word from Halamshiral.”

_And?_ I didn’t try to hide the thought as it crossed my face.

“Spring will be here within the next week or so.”

I sighed and lowered my chin, only to feel my lover rise and take my hand. “She is trying to explain something. Hear her out.” I snorted, but my gaze remained locked with Leliana.

“Explain, I just explained.” Solas chuckled.

“Not to a woman who has never before been denizen of this world, Spymaster.”

“Oh.” She shook herself and looked up at me. “The Spring Festival will be held in Halamshiral as always.”

Solas chuckled. “Vhenan.” I looked down at him with a quirked brow. “What she is trying to tell you is that the invitation to Inquisitor’s staff has arrived.”

I shrugged. “And? I expected it would arrive in the next few weeks.” He quirked an eyebrow.

“You knew they would invite the Inquisitor to the Winter Palace this year?” I smiled at him.

“Of course. How else would he save the Empress in time?”

“Save the Empress?”

“Oops.” My expression fell then.

“What does she mean by that, Solas? What about saving the empress?” I licked my lips then.

“I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Perhaps, but you have said it and now the curiosity is there.”

“That is not _curiosity_, Solas. That is a monarch. What she is discussing is regicide.”

I swung a glare over at her. Usually the tone would not have irritated me so but hearing her talk down to him like he was some, some…

_Apostate?_ He was grinning up at me

I snorted and returned my attention to Leliana. “_What _I am discussing can wait for the Council. Where is Adaar?”

Solas grinned as he looked over at Leliana. “Before I translate, spymaster, please remember that she is a dragon: tones mean a lot to dragons.” Leliana flushed lightly. “She says that the topic will be discussed before the Council, not in her bedchamber and demands to know where Adaar is.”

Leliana half-bowed to me and I knew it was for her previous tone as she returned to a much more level one. “The Inquisitor should have reached the Oasis yesterday morning. It is unlikely they will return in time.”

I smirked. “That is why you came here.” It was more a statement then question. “You could have sent him a raven, but a raven can’t fly him back.”

“She asks if you mean to use a dragon as a carriage system, Spymaster.”

I saw it play across her face, her original retort about having ‘housed and fed’ but it died as she stared up at me. “I am requesting she return them, yes.” I smiled down at her, not a nice smile.

“You wish me to leave, the warmth and comfort of my mate, to fly, half way around the known world, to collect your Inquisitor, to fly back, so you can parade him in front of Orlais?” Solas sighed after a moment.

“Not really a polite way to paraphrase that one.”

Leliana looked down at him then and he recounted what I said. She squirmed only slightly, realizing then what she was asking might be a bit heavy for the reward implied. “I suppose then you want compensation-” I scoffed hard then and she met my eyes.

“Your coins mean nothing to me, Spymaster. I will find, and fetch your Inquisitor, and you will not enter this room again.” Those terms laid flat, Solas squeezed my hand.

“Are you certain, Vhenan? That’s what you want in exchange?” I nodded, never taking my eyes from Leliana.

_I am._

He sighed. “She says she will go and bring the Inquisitor back but in exchange, you are never to enter her bedchamber again.” He shrugged. “I cannot truly say I understand it, but that is what she wants in exchange.”

“I do not care for the concept of her whispering to you in your sleep.” It was a snarl as it came out and Leliana swallowed hard.

“Vhenan. She is no threat to you.” Leliana’s face contorted in confusion then. “I would never,” he began but my gaze slapped down to his and he stopped. “You know she,” he tried again and I felt the muscle spasm in my jaw.

“She doesn’t want me down here because she thinks I might,” Leliana began and choked on it as I swung my gaze back around to her and the spasming drew lips back over snarling teeth. Her hands came up before her then. “I never would have but, it’s a deal. I’ll stay out of this chamber, permanently.” I curled back on my spine only slightly as my lips sealed even against the twitch.

“Leave.” It was a single word that didn’t require translation as it came out as a snap. She stepped back immediately.

“It may be wise to give her a moment to dress and ready herself, spymaster,” Solas suggested and Leliana nodded and began her walk back up the stairs. I could barely contain the glare as I watched her leave. “There were better ways to approach that, Vhenan.” I snorted and stepped off the bed, braking free of his grip.

My cold feet hit the floor and I realized my heat had increased through it. I tried to soothe the dragon a moment, just ease the rippling of my Will. I felt him curl around me for a moment and the dragon only moved once to shake him off before he kissed into my neck and forced a moan from the pressure.

_You need not have worried over that, my heart_, he thought as he trailed the kiss over my shoulder. _I am yours, and only_. I mewled once and shook my head to glare over at him a moment. He grinned up at me and placed one more kiss on my shoulder before he straightened. _I am aware, we have no time for such fun. I will see you on your return?_ I grinned.

“Bet on it,” then I fade-jumped to the mountain top and roared to the sky as I rose to my dragon form. He’d been wrong to assume I would only molt once more. It’d happen three more times in those few weeks and I began to understand the differences. My body was at its full size now, I could feel that at the end of my last molting and had said so. He’d wanted me to shift again but I was far more interested in other pursuits that become so much easier to get any man to agree to when you begin to realize how.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
Dirtha'vhenan ma eolas or Fen'Harel = I promised you knowledge (to teach you) of the Dread Wolf  
Atishan = Easy, be at peace


	16. Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roaring emotions generate a wave of decisions that might seem questionable in the after math. Hindsight is always perfect and Solas commits himself to his cause, protecting his mate as Athena chokes down the differences in their personal 'rights'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story contains massive spoilers for the game. Please note, that if you are reading, I take no responsibility for ruining game plot you haven't gotten to yet.  
Also, I use multiple songs within the story. I do not claim ownership to these songs. All copyrights belong to the original authors. (I'm just a huge fan :P)

Chapter 16: Right

[[[“Does someone want to tell me why Venatori are all the way out here?” Varric asked. Cassandra scoffed.

“Maybe they are just doing it to annoy us,” Adaar suggested with a grin.

“They are searching, seeking, scaling sides to find an answer.”

“Great. So either they are jokers or they are searching for something that may or may not be useful.” Varric sighed.

“Want to wager on which one?” Adaar asked grinning down at him.

“I give it twelve to one they are actually looking for something that would be better if it wasn’t ever found.” Adaar chuckled just before…

“Holy Andraste!” Cassandra drew her sword and shield as she looked up and took a step back to brace up.

Adaar looked over and immediately both daggers were out of their sheaths and his chin dropped, all levels of mirth wiped from his face.

“Some kind of joke you want to share with us here, Kid?” Varric asked as he pulled a bolt across Bianca’s back. Cole smiled at him.

“I could try.”

“Not the time,” Cassandra growled as the insanely massive beast landed billowing sand around everyone.

As the sands cleared and Varric got a better look he asked, “Did that dragon just seriously ask us ‘really’?” 

The dragon snorted then with a single claw on its front paw began tracing in the sand and three of the companions fell into the deepest confusion they’d had. As it finished it pointed down and Varric approached slowly. In the sand was a perfect depiction of Skyhold.

Varric smiled then. “Oh. Hello, Kitten.”

“Joke,” Cole said.

“Missing the timing there,” Varric replied and Cole sat back mildly dejected. A great claw tip appeared under his chin and he looked up to the eyes he would always know and perked up immediately.

“I’ll keep trying,” he told the dragon as it shifted to look at them. The dragon’s paw shifted over to lay open. “She wants us to come with her. Apparently, it is urgent,” Cole said as he climbed up into the claw.

“You want me to climb into that?” Cassandra asked disbelievingly.

The great dragons other front paw came up to its chest then away in a fist and open to the sky.

“Right.” She shivered as she sheathed her sword. Varric was already climbing, Bianca slung over his shoulder as Cole helped him up.

“May I assist you, Seeker Cassandra?” Adaar asked beside the paw, linking his hands to form a step for her. She smiled at him and set her hand on his shoulder as she accepted the hand up. She didn’t see the smile across his face when she touched him. He’d cleared it before she turned to offer her hand back down.

The dragon muzzle hovered above them a moment as all settled and Cassandra’s hand rested on her hilt until Cole said, “She asks that everyone stay low and hang on,” just as the great wings unfurled to their full length. Cassandra dropped then to cling to the scales almost as fast as Adaar did. They looked up at each other and began laughing as the dragon rose. Cole was just comfortably seated and Varric at the word ‘low’ had dropped to one knee and was steadying himself with his hands. He chuckled at them as he looked up at the great beast soaring with them in a loosely cupped hand. The winds passing at deafening rates as it flew by and over landscapes.

Varric only tried once to look down and thought better about it after as he sat near shaking.

“Too far down?” Adaar shouted over the winds with a great grin. Varric just nodded.

“You want to bring _her_ to the Winter Palace?!”

“Don’t shout, Solas. It was a suggestion. It’s not like any spies could get by a person who knows the future after all.” Solas fought hard for control then to keep his jaw from twitching.

“It is also a chance for Orlais to take the one biggest advantage we have,” he argued as calmly as he could manage. Josephine’s head cocked to the side.

“Do you think she would betray us?” He sighed.

“No,” he half snapped. “But you said yourselves, she stays for me, and ‘me’ is a little too easily accessible of a target for them when I’m sitting where they could quite conveniently get to me by her mind.”

“They could threaten to harm you and she might act.”

“Not might, Ambassador,” he stated. “She would act. She would rip that palace into the finest of shreds if she felt the need to find me. No. This is the worst idea I have ever heard.”

“Certainly she should at least be invited,” Josephine stated politely. “I would hate to seem rude to her. You will, offer for us?” she asked. He could hardly keep the growl down to a snort.

He looked between them for a moment running his tongue over his teeth. Finally he said, “I will let her know you offered, but I _will_ advise against it. This is foolishness.” With that he stormed out of the Josephine’s office and down stairs, throwing a barrier across the Rotunda door.

“Brace up!” Cole shouted to them as the back wing shook the hand slightly and all clung to the scales. The landing was nearly unnoticeable until the great paw began moving away from the body. Cassandra looked out as the walls of Skyhold appeared around the sides of the great arm. Then the paw opened to a cleared inner courtyard. Adaar hopped down and looked back to see Cassandra land beside him. Cole standing in the middle of the paw smiling up at the head before he disappeared. Varric scaled down the side of the thumb until his legs touched ground then looked up at the great jaws that seemed to be grinning at him. A brief nod and the hand retracted.

Cassandra stood watching as the Great Dragon seemed to stretch to the sky and slowly compress inward down onto the mountainside until she could no longer see the form over the walls.

“Let’s never do that again,” Varric said as he swallowed hard.

“Agreed,” Adaar stated and stretched out. “I won’t deny it was the fastest way back that didn’t strain Cole, but,” he said on a shiver.

Cassandra chuckled. “You don’t have to convince me, Inquisitor. My family hunted those things. Don’t think I want to leave my life in their hands.” All began laughing then.]]]

I shivered down into the snow. It may be spring in the lower areas but there was still nearly meter deep snow on the caps and I shivered in it a moment before I could focus on the Veil and jump to our room. My thought originally was to warm myself by the fire, but I didn’t have time for that when I arrived to feel the anger seething off of him. I landed myself by the fire, so he hadn’t seen me as he was staring down at his desk fuming.

“Solas?” He jumped and turned. He graced me with a momentary smile before his anger won out and he sighed, turning back to the table. I walked over and stood beside him as I watched his hands tighten to whitened knuckles on the desk. I could feel that I needed warmth, but Solas needed me more, so I put it from my mind. _What is it, ma lath?_ He scoffed and fumed in his mind still.

_Idiots! The most ridicules, foolish, moronic, ill-considered concept to date!_

“Solas.” He turned to me with a glare. “I am your sheath, ma lath. So either stick your sword in properly,” he smirked at that, “or tell me whose throat I’m ripping out.” He reached up to me with a smile and froze, his expression shifting immediately to concern. He eyed me over. I slid between him and the desk then, purposely leaning myself so I was just under him. “I’m very cold, but I can think of a few ways to help that.” I smiled up at him. He growled and slid his hands under my ass, lifting me against him. He kissed me briefly before he leaned back to smile at me.

“You’re trying to distract me,” he growled at me through that smile. I arched up against him and watched him suck in a breath as he struggled with his restraint.

“Is it working?” I asked before I leaned forward to nuzzle his neck as I wrapped my arms behind his head. I let my finger trail the back of his ear as I kissed his neck then until his hand fisted in my hair to pull me back for a brutal kiss.

He straightened only barely to glare down at me. “You may not want to do that, Vhenan.”

I smiled at him and purposely ran my tongue over my swollen bottom lip. “You _are_ what I want, Solas.” The anger seemed to ebb in him for a moment, replaced by fear, cold fear and I reached back and squeezed his wrist lightly and he released my hair.

“Ir abelas, Vhenan,” he began and I sat forward then and claimed my own kiss. These two-legged words were only becoming an issue.

I leaned into that kiss, wrapping my will and my magic into it. He rose to meet then and I felt his fear. He feared for me and that was the basis of his anger. I kissed him deeper then, a comfort, a balm against the burning pain and felt him tug me closer, tug other things away.

He broke the kiss then and tucked me up against him, nuzzling into my hair. _My heart, my precious Athena. I will not let them endanger you that way._

I snuggled against him. His warmth was a comfort to my shivering body. _What way, my love?_ He growled and curled closer as I felt his heat shift. “Solas, please,” I began and he growled into my neck then. “I am in no danger, ma lath. I’m here with you.” The growling ceased after a moment and he snuggled into me. I felt him nuzzle my shoulder for a few minutes before I leaned over and nipped at his ear, feeling him respond to it. The dragon whispered in his ear then, “Sheath your sword or tell me who I’m about to rip the throat out of and _beat_ them with it!” I was reaching the end of my patience. Someone in Skyhold had upset him, horribly, which only irritated me further as I had purposely gotten to the Forbidden Oasis and back in a little less than six hours.

His hand on my back slid up behind my head to nuzzle deeper. _I’m honestly afraid to ‘sheath my sword’ as you call it. I’m afraid I’ll hurt you._ I chuckled.

_Heard that before,_ I leaned back and took his face in my hands then to look up at him. “I told you then, Solas, you won’t hurt me. I know it.” He looked sad a moment. “I get to have you. Anything is worth that.” He smiled sadly at me and pulled me to him for a brief kiss.

_So much more than I deserve._

_Say it again and I’ll bite you._ He chuckled and broke the kiss to smile up at me.

“Ar lath, ma vhenan.” It was a silent prayer for how he said it and I reveled in the sound before I shivered again and he pulled me to him before he stepped over toward the fire.

“Solas.”

“Hush, Vhenan. You are freezing.” He knelt by the fire and tried to dislodge me, but I snuggled closer and stole one from his book. “Athena.”

“No.”

He sighed, “Athena, you need-”

“Uh-uh.” He chuckled then as he caught on and leaned all the down to the cold floor to kiss the side of my neck. He sat up then as I gasped and my arms lost their strength for a moment.

“Heat,” he insisted. I smiled and wrapped my legs tighter behind him, grinding my pelvis down against him.

“Heat.” His first response to flare up and then he tamped it down, his fear overpowering it. “Take me, ma lath. I do not fear. I want _you_.” He leaned over me and kissed me gently.

He stroked a hand by my face as he sat up only barely. “You’ll tell me if I hurt you?”

I chuckled. “I’m sure I’ll scream louder.” It was meant as a joke but as I watched his face contort in pain again I leaned up and kissed him briefly. “You won’t hurt me.” _If it comes to that, I’ll let you know, but I doubt it ever will._ He smiled and leaned into the kiss then.

After all the energy I’d used, I wasn’t really amazed to pass out after; I was honestly more amazed that I didn’t pass out during for how many times my mind reached levels beyond blissful ecstasy. I woke curled against him in our bed. He had it tamped down, but he was still angry about something. I smiled and snuggled closer.

_Want to talk about it?_ I asked as I smiled up at the blue eyes I’d stared into for years.

He smiled down at me and cocked an eyebrow. I chuckled.

“Come on, lover. You know as well as I that you were dripping anger yesterday like fat off a pig.” He chuckled at the analogy.

“Not sure I appreciate the comparison.”

“But you knew what I meant. What’s wrong?” He sighed and stroked a hand down my back as he looked away. “Solas.” It was a warning and not one he missed.

He wet his lips and looked back down at me. “The Ambassador and Spymaster have it in their heads that you should ‘at least be invited’ to the Winter Palace.”

“What do you think?”

“I think it’s stupid; the most idiotic idea I have heard in centuries!” I grinned up at him. I wasn’t trying to mock, but he jumped from sleepy smile to angry passionate so quickly it was adorable to me. “It’s no laughing matter, Vhenan. They seriously want (and will likely expect) you to go and it’s a diplomatic mistake on top of being a strategic one. I don’t see how either of them could be so foolish given their histories. The Game of Orlais is played to its greatest extent in the Winter Palace every year, and they want to bring someone who has a minute concept of Orlesian culture and a temper that has been seen here. They want to bring a woman that has never played even the smallest version of that ‘Game’ to the grand tournament of it!” I never stopped smiling at him and he sighed. “Say something.”

“What would you have me say, ma lath?”

He growled. “I don’t know. Tell me you’re not going. Tell me I’m not being unreasonable to think that putting the greatest strategic advantage the Inquisition has in the middle of the most dangerous and diplomatically sophisticated Game in all of Thedas is not only unwise, but-”

I chuckled and he paused. “I think you are right,” I began and he looked down at me as he heard the ‘but’ beforehand. “I think that you have every reason to feel it would be ill-considered and dangerous. I think that going to that event is a danger, both for me and the Inquisition.”

“But?” he pressed. I let my smile fall then and my heart screamed in my chest.

“But,” I agreed and paused to find the words, “I’d rather risk it.” He cocked an eyebrow. I looked away then for a moment before I forced myself to sit up. I thought maybe I could hide it for a moment, the screaming echoing pain through my body as I remembered him leaving for Crestwood, but he sat up with me and turned my face to his even as the tears began again.

_Athena._

“I,” I swallowed and tried to look away again, but he tucked his head under to meet me, “I know I won’t be able to go with you to the Arbor Wilds after. I have to be here.” My voice cracked and I tried to be stoic, tried to hold down the tears, brace up the pain but I was losing. “I won’t be able to be with you for nearly a month for that process. If there,” I heaved in a breath passed the sob and squeezed my eyes shut. “I know it will be dangerous, I know I’ll have to be on guard every minute, but,” I couldn’t get it out, I couldn’t bring my voice to say what my heart was screaming at me and it finally echoed to my head as I crumpled against him. _Not again, please Gods not again!_

He held me then as it registered and his anger seemed to dissipate. _I had not even considered._ He snuggled to me. “Athena.”

“Solas,” I clung to him against the tears, the pain wracking through me. “Solas, please don’t make me stay. Don’t leave me alone again. Solas. Please.” He tucked me up tighter to him and kissed my head.

_Hush, my heart._

“Solas.”

“Atishan, ma vhenan.” He kissed into my hair again. “I will find another way to protect you. Hush. We will find a way together. I won’t make you stay. Hush, Vhenan.” I sobbed against him for a while until the pain ebbed, until I could forget again the darkened figures riding off before the sunrise.

We sat in silence like that for a while, I would never be able to tell how long. As the pain gave way, I sat snuggled to him, just listening to his thoughts, listening to different plans he worked through in his mind before discarding as ‘useless’ or ‘still too dangerous’ or ‘that would be worse’. Finally he hit one thought that made me chuckle and he shifted back as I smiled up at him.

“All of your plans thus far involve trying to hide me, Solas. You can’t.” He grimaced. “Don’t take that wrong, ma lath, but in Orlais, from all I’ve learned of it, to try to hide something is to encourage others to find it.” He sighed.

_You’re right, unfortunately._

“So don’t try to hide me.”

“Athena.”

“Let me finish.” He sealed his mouth but looked down at me with a ‘I already don’t like _this_ plan’. “Don’t hide me, let me walk in beside you as I should. Hush. Hear me. Let the Commanders lead, that will draw attention to what is behind them. When Josephine, Leliana, and Cullen are introduced, have them then introduce Adaar and the ‘Hero of Orlais’.” He cocked his head to the side. “Dorian and Vivienne should be next.”

_Why?_

“Vhenan.”

_Sorry_. He quirked a small grin at that.

“At the end of the procession, as per Orlesian culture, should be the Elves, You, Sera, and Myself.”

“How will they introduce you?”

I chuckled. “The only way that will almost ensure they have no interest in talking to me.”

_How?_ He sounded completely incredulous then.

I grinned. “The bastard child, Aethien.” He grinned then. He knew as well as I, a bastard would have no sir-name nor be of any use to any within the High Court.

“You’ve considered this it would seem?”

I chuckled. “Thank you, but actually no.” I struggled not to break into laughter then. “That was just off the top of my head.” He grinned at me a moment.

“Well, let’s see what holes we can try to poke in it,” he suggested then and I grinned very differently up at him.

“If it’s poking you wish to do, ma lath, you could have just said so.” He chuckled then.

“Insatiable,” he said leaning over me. He let his hands slid down to my waist and gripped me as he had before, only this time I grimaced and he froze. He moved his hand and his face contorted before he began willing healing energies into my side over the bruise there. “You should have said something.”

“Why?” He looked up at me then. “I was enjoying it. Why would I ask you to stop?” He scoffed and returned to focusing on my side.

_ This is what I was afraid I would do._

“Pleasure me out of my mind. You do it regularly. What’s so different now?” He met my gaze again as I smiled at him. He sat there in silence a moment before his thought rang through me like a gong.

_I _hurt_ you, Athena._ I grabbed him by the face then and kissed him soundly.

“Yes, and I loved it.” He tried to shake his head and I bit at him, causing a defensive reaction that I expected and his eyes, wide, locked on mine. “You still don’t get it, Solas.”

“Get what?”

I sighed. “Solas, I love you. You can’t hurt me.”

“That is hurt!” he shouted pointing down to my sides.

“And I loved it,” I said, spacing each of the words out. “Those are barely badges, things I would parade before the entire Inquisition happily screaming, ‘I belong to the Dread Wolf. Suck it, bitches’.” He didn’t like how that start but he actually flushed as I finished. “I am yours, as you are mine. I would wear those bruises as proudly as any soldier has ever worn the insignia of the place they love, the place they would defend to their dying breath. Look at me!” I shouted shaking him then. His gaze found mine again. “You are still trying to run, still trying to hide from the fact that I love you and I will love you beyond any. You didn’t _hurt_ me, Solas, in any way that I didn’t _beg_ you to do again.” He smiled then. “How much more proof do you need, ma lath? You, can’t, hurt me.” He sighed and wet his lips. “Solas.” It came out as a half whisper as he tried to look away only to look back. “To be in your arms is my dream, my greatest wish. Last night was only a new kind of pleasure for me.” I grinned. “Not that I didn’t clench down on you hard enough to tell you that.” He chuckled then. “I love you, Solas. You can’t hurt me.” He looked up at me sadly a moment and I kissed him briefly. “I am yours, beyond any, right or reason, life or death. I am yours. Take me as it pleases _you_, ma lath, as I swear to you it pleases me just to be yours; to lay in your arms, to wake beside you is a dream beyond ever my imaginings. Just let me stay with you, Solas. Just let me be yours. You will never hurt me.”

His hands gripped my head then, swiftly pulling me to him, kissing me again as he once did. His pain, his loss echoing back and I swallowed it down into my will.

_I am yours, my love. I have always been yours._

He growled into the kiss and it was the wolf that answered as he nipped and bit at the sides of my lips and my tongue. He called, as animalistic as ever, to his lover and the dragon responded, rising to our knees and forcing him back into the bed to smile down astride him before claiming our own kiss. It wasn’t a purr, wolves don’t purr, but the contented grumbling growl of the wolf met me as I slid over and took him back into me.

_Back where you belong_. He growled slightly and sat up, despite my attempt to keep him on his back. His arm wrapped behind my lower back as he used his other to help him rise as my hands still pressed to his chest slid over his shoulders.

_Look at me_. I shifted back, taking him in deeper as our gazes locked. He didn’t break gaze as his hands gripped each ankle and brought them forward behind him. I gasped, as I hadn’t realized how much deeper that would pull him. I felt my body flush as he filled me then. _Don’t look away._ I wanted to squeeze my eyes shut, just against the pleasure. I felt so full, so tight.

_Solas. _

He tucked my ankles behind his back and trailed his hands back up my legs. _Don’t look away_, he repeated and thrust up into me. I gasped out at that. It took a good deal of my will to focus then, just focus on not squeezing eyes shut, not rolling my head back.

_Solas. Too much, I feel too much. _He trailed his hands over my thighs and behind me to pull me into him as he thrust up into me again. My back tried to arch against it and it took true effort not to though I curled in against it, pulling him in again. I was gasping breaths then. My arms pulled back to grip into his shoulders as he did it again, pressing his hand to my lower back as he thrust up words, holding me there to take all of him. My eyes closed for a moment as my head went to roll back and his left hand held my head forward.

_Look at me._ So hard to keep my eyes open, gasping in air past the pleasure heightening nerves everywhere.

_So full. Too tight. Solas. _

_Look at me, my love. I want to see you. I want to look in your eyes as I fill you_. His words made it worse and I clamped down tighter, moan harder against the pain, filling wonderful pain.

My head tried to roll back against his hand and he held me there as he continued to press my hips into his, continued to thrust up into me as I watched the eye color shift to a brighter blue. I barely noticed our magics shifting about us; it was different though and drew my mind only for a moment to feel it. Normally our magics met flat as boards, lined against each other and rising ever higher. Not this time; this time he wove into my magic that twined around his. Bound loosely in weaving patterns that seemed to pulse with the pleasure he shot through me on every new thrust. I felt our magics weave and link for a moment before he made me come and it was all I could do to keep from collapsing on him.

_All, my love. Give me all_. I curled in hard against his next thrust and felt every inch of him moving through me and my magic, binding and weaving, pulling us tighter together. _Come for me._ He smiled then and pulled my head forward to meet my gaze. He was panting now too. “Maintain your form, Vhenan.”

I was warm, so warm everywhere. I want to fly, to rise to clouds for how the pleasure pulsed through me.

“Stay with me.” I met his eyes again and watched him smile as he thrust into me again. I came hard on him then as he thrust into me again. I clung tighter to him. I wanted to lean against him, to feel his strength but the hand on my head held my jaw up by the thumb, held me there for him to watch as I gasped in moan after moan.

_Solas. Solas, please. I can’t take anymore. Please._

_ Does it hurt?_

_ Can’t hurt me. Just so full, so tight. Please. Please my love. Come in me. Please._ I couldn’t get the words to my mouth. I gasped and moaned, fighting the urge to scream for the pleasure that would double me save the hand holding me upright as he continued.

The grip on my jaw shifted and his gaze shot to the brilliant blue I’d only ever seen playing Trespasser. “Wish granted.” The words out, our magics slapped tight together in a reverberation across us both and I felt it, different from before. I clenched down hard against him as he filled then, not as before, not just his pleasure; his power surged through my body and I felt it in a tingle everywhere across my skin as he pulsed into me. I came so hard against him, and he finally let me drop down, let me cling to him as he thrust into me again.

He held me there, his hand on the back of my head, nuzzled against his shoulder, the other wrapped tight behind me holding the opposite hip to him as we both heaved in breaths. My body still felt so warm, but our magics drifted around us, warm blankets pulling us tighter together in a comforting enclosure. The binding slowly softened between them and our breathing began to regulate.

_That, was probably my worst idea yet._

_ Felt amazing. Why haven’t we done that before?_ I couldn’t breathe enough to actually ask the question but for the difference, I’d rather do it that way. The pleasures were amplified in our magics like plugging in a sound system to an old walk-man. I could still feel it reverberating off my bones as I lay limp against him.

He chuckled and kissed the side of my neck briefly before answering. _Because there is only one result to that_. His answer came as he stroked his thumb over my hip. He leaned over to kiss my neck again and I smiled into the feeling.

_ Think to scare me, wolf?_ I couldn’t help but smile.

_ Scare you?_

I forced myself to sit back slightly, though it nearly hurt to as I smiled at him. “Do you think the concept would scare me?”

“Concept?”

“Name the ‘result’, Solas.” It was half-challenge and he grimaced slightly, his thumb still tracing patterns on my hip.

He wet his lips before meeting my eyes again. “Something we should have discussed before.” I let my eyebrow rise then.

_Can’t say it?_

He glared at me a moment. (When did his eyes shift back?) “It will force you to become pregnant, Vhenan. The magics used open your body to me to take.” He sounded mildly upset but I smiled at him.

_So why haven’t we done that before?_ He raised his eyebrow then. “You’ll have to forgive me for that one, ma lath. That felt amazing.” He scoffed but smiled. I grinned at him. “Better if you don’t teach me how to do that, Solas.” The eyebrow went back up.

When I didn’t immediately answer, he asked, “Why?” I squeezed him then and watched his eyes hood a moment before he glared at me, which only made me grin.

“Because I’d do it every time.” He smiled at me for a moment before the hand that had held my head tucked my hair back. The sweat glistened off of us both and my hair stuck to parts of him as I chuckled.

His smile evaporated as he fell into his own thoughts, just before I dug my fingers down like claws into his shoulders. His gaze met mine in confusion for a moment before he smiled. “Fair.” He sighed. “But truthfully, doing that constantly could hurt you. I’d rather not risk that.”

“So I’ll only ask for it occasionally,” I said with a grin and he smiled up at me then. _Like weekly._He grinned then.

“Also not wise.”

I chuckled then. “Wise or not, I don’t think you understand how great that felt.” _Total immediate addiction._ I smiled at him a moment before I said, “You thought I was insatiable before.”

“I’ve created a monster,” he said with a grin. “Though I do know a cure,” he stated, lifting me to flip himself over me. I giggled for a moment but it became stark gasp as he laid one hand over my lower abdomen and I about came off the bed. He smiled knowingly at me as he lowered himself down between my legs. He replaced that hand with light kisses, things that should hold no pressure but almost hurt. He laid the side of his face gently there and I felt the pressure from inside me body as well as from his head.

Silent, in mind and body as he lay there, I had a moment to focus on the feeling and all that I seemed to be able to bring forward, _Why does it hurt now?_ He chuckled and the sensation was a soothing balm across heated skin. He raised his head to look up at me with a grin.

“That would be the deterrent, Vhenan, the reason it shouldn’t be done repeatedly.” I swallowed then. He sat up and touched gently as he explained, tracing fingers over my skin that felt like little razors were placed against the nerves under the surface. “Your body, quite literally, was torn into with your magics. Magic takes the path of least resistance, it always has. It poured in here, and pulled from you what otherwise might have stayed dormant. How long would be impossible to say as Dragon mating patterns have never been concluded on. One will cycle yearly, another once a millennia. They are consistent only within the dragon.” I nodded and he smiled up at me, then shifted up to me to take my head in hands, to snuggle the dragon head.

_It hurts, because my magic forced something to happen that might not have ‘supposed’ to have happened for an unknown amount of time. Days, weeks, years, decades before._ I sighed._ Dangerous_.

“Indeed.” I hadn’t even realized I’d lost myself in thought until he spoke and I met the concerned gaze of my lover. “It should have been discussed first, for that I apologize.” My urge to curl a fist then was met with his knee pressing into that wrist. My chin came up and he met the gaze of the dragon.

“Never apologize for giving pleasure, Solas.” It was not open to debate or discussion and the tone I swear echoed through the room. He smiled at me and leaned down to kiss me.

_I will try, but it doesn’t mean I feel no guilt for taking from you what you didn’t understand._

_Solas._

_ It is me, my heart. I love you. The idea of taking things from you without discussing their importance, their repercussions just does not sit well with me._ He sat above me a moment, just staring sadly down at me.

“The pain,” I said smiling up at him, “I might have liked a head’s up for.” He grimaced. “The rest, you can stick your head’s up for.” He chuckled then.

_The rest have longer effects, my heart._

“Yeah, if I choose,” I stated bluntly and he cocked his head to the side. I tried to move then and my arm stuck under his leg got his attention. “Release it.” He leaned up on his toes a moment and I pulled my hand away. I took his face between both my hands and stared up into his eyes then. “It is not a be all end all, Solas. A woman who does not wish to bear, does not have to if they understand their own body. I am _intimately _familiar with mine.”

“I don’t follow, Vhenan.”

I grinned. “I’ll make it easier then. In a single day, I could remove what was done, without magic or tonic.” He quirked his eyebrow. “Pregnant women are called delicate, ma lath, because the situation is, not because they suddenly became fine glass.” He snorted. “A series of specific exercises and I could force my body to remove it,” I gripped his head a little tighter then and spaced the last three words carefully, “if I choose.”

“What, exercises?” I began laughing then as it hit me.

_Of course they don’t have ‘exercises’ here. They actually do things._

“I’m not finding the mirth, Vhenan.” I calmed myself and smiled up at him.

“You could not, because you have not seen the lazy peoples from my world.” He quirked that eyebrow again. I grinned at him as I explained, “Where I’m from, people sit, _a lot_, and often do nothing else. Don’t ask, it’d take a decade to explain and it can be gone over later. Because of that fact though, certain,” I paused, “movements were developed and titled as exercises. An exercise can be anything as simple as stretching your body out, arm over the collar bone out passed the other,” I sighed. “This will be easier to show you.” My attempt to move as I lowered my hands to the bed to lift me though was caught with a quick grip back to the bed and a gaze I had not yet seen. “What?” Stiff as a board and his nostrils flared once and I smiled as it registered. “I will not personally demonstrate.” His grip slackened though his eyes did not move. “I meant to call the memory forward and show you that way.” He snorted and half-smiled then, before I felt his fingers barely caress my skin. I smiled up at him and tried to think, hard, on all the exercises I could think of and just relay them to him. Things from gym class, from the yoga things I’d seen on TV, from basketball and soccer tournaments, from watching the football players warm up.

After a moment he asked, “And your people did this for enjoyment?” I chuckled.

“Ours is not a world torn as this one. It was, once, but things have rather settled out. Now it’s mostly old men shouted at each other over tables about things no one else really cares about.” He chuckled. “But yes, people sometimes do them for fun, some for fitness, some just because they feel like it.”

“And, there are ‘sets’ of those that would harm you?” He was trying to put it all together and I smiled up at him.

_My Solas._ I reached up and touched his face gently. “What do you know of how a woman’s body reacts to pregnancy, ma lath?” It was an honest question. He shrugged.

“I know the specifics. Why?”

I smiled. “You saw how some of those ‘exercises’ stretch and contort parts of the body.” That gaze was back and his grip on my shoulders tightened. “I’m not going to example, ma lath. It was a question.” He nodded, though neither gaze nor grip slacked. “It’s rather well known, to my world, that certain ‘exercises’ should be avoided by those wishing to conceive.” I paused to be sure he followed. “To participate in those activities is to condemn one or the other of the pair involved. Do you follow?” He nodded. “I know the exercises,” that gaze turned glare then, “and it is my _choice_ to do them or not.” He heaved in a few breathes before he risked speaking, though listening to his minds rampaging thoughts then gave me a rather decent idea of what was coming.

“Don’t.” I smiled at him.

“Solas.”

“Don’t.” He wanted my promise.

“Hear me.”

“I will suffer much, but I will not suffer watching you endanger yourself, not over something so, no. Don’t.” He heaved in a breath and went off. “If you don’t want the child, we’ll find another way, but-” I snapped the Veil wall near hard enough to tear it and he froze staring down at me.

_Hear me, wolf, or I swear that will be the least of your worries today!_ I was glaring up at him then and I knew it but Gods that statement pissed me off. He froze there. “I _choose_, Solas. You have no right to make that choice for me.” He tried to glare again, but I pulled in hard from the Fade and he sat back as the energies boiled around me, a warning. “It is the choice of the body that must endure. For some it is a case of health.” He looked confused. “For some women of my planet, it would kill them to conceive, be it for medical reasons or mental ones, the action itself would destroy them.” He nodded and sat back on his heels then. The gaze replaced glare, but he released my shoulders as he sat there, and I listened as he processed the thoughts.

_It would be more than possible, almost makes sense. If the body were underdeveloped or not ready or sickly…Yes, it makes sense. But, you know, Solas, you know there are sicknesses within a body that do not show, that cannot be cured._ He heaved a steadying breath before asking,_ Are you, would that happen to you?_

“I don’t know, Solas.” He paused then. “It wasn’t exactly something I was running to have the doctors tell me before.” He smirked and scoffed. “I’ll examine my own body when I’ve calmed down enough to and have a better answer for you then.” He nodded and looked away for a moment. “Solas.” As he brought his gaze back it was fear that met me. “My choice.” He leaned down to me then with a sad expression as he cuddled his head to the dragon skull.

_I cannot lose you, my heart._ I smiled and leaned up to kiss him briefly.

“You won’t. I promised you that you could not hurt me.” He placed his hand over my abdomen and then sat back abruptly as the pain of before had dulled to an ache and was nearly gone. I gave no wince nor even a hardened breath.

He looked down at his hand then back up at me again as he noticed that even the bruises were gone. _How is that possible? _I began laughing then, I couldn’t help it.

“More of your impossibilities, ma lath? When will you learn?” He seemed shaken and I took his face in my hands and kissed him gently. “I am dragon.”

_That makes no sense. What does that have to do with-_

“Solas,” he met my gaze, “I heal over twenty times faster than a human.” His breath left him then as if he’d been punched. “I am dragon.” He splayed his hand over my stomach and I had to resist gasping. “Solas.” He yanked his hand away before he looked up. “They are still nerves, ma lath, and that was a completely different response than pain.” He smiled then and leaned down to kiss me.

_In my wildest imaginings I could never have created you_. His last thought before he buried those fears, that love as deep in my skin as he dared, gentle but deep. His treatment (being the gentle garbage) didn’t get to last very long as I’d have none of it. His attempt at gentle met him with bites, his tender pressure with clawed fingers.

He sat back at one moment to look down at me curiously.

“Give me my mate and stuff this tender pussy-footing thing somewhere else.” My dragon would not be _tendered_ and _gentled_. I snapped up at him once and watched the wolf surface for a moment. _Come to me_. He smiled down at me, my wolf, and as he smirked I felt my skin heat.

“Take you or don’t?” His question met with the purring growl of the dragon. He fought, then, noticeably for control between the wolf that wanted the meal before him and the warrior who knew better. Ultimately the warrior won. He leaned down to kiss me gently once. “Then it is time for breakfast.” I snorted at him and he rose smiling, pulling me up with him. I suddenly became more grateful for his knowledge as even in sitting up my insides hurt near to the point of nausea. My skin may not be as tender, but ooooww. He steadied me a moment and as I met his eyes, I realized he knew. I smiled up at him.

“Alright, so you win. It would have been a bad idea.” He chuckled.

“This ‘tender, pussy-footing thing’ is going to go find you breakfast,” he said on a smirk.

“Like hell,” I grumbled and brought myself forward. _No man’s bitch._ The roar I belted toward the door might have been angrier than usual but pain does that. I felt the pain echo back and grimaced as I touched my ribs. The magic was still active, still burrowing. I heaved a few breaths before I met a scolding gaze, to which I snorted. _Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe not the best idea._

“Vhenan.” It was a half growl and I stuck my tongue out for a moment.

“I know. I won’t do it for a while. The magics are still there.” It was hard enough to talk around sitting up. I honestly felt like I had a massive hot rock buried in my gut that I was trying to sit up and talk around. _Need to get up and bathe anyway._ His hand on my shoulder tightened and I watched as the look in his eyes shifted. _Serious? I can’t bathe?_

_ Not for at least an hour or so_. I did growl then though it was met with the patient glare that warned he would rend me unconscious if that were the only way to keep me from hurting myself.

_Bothersome._

_ Still think we should do it every week?_ He smirked at me then and I grinned up at him.

_Maybe every other week._ He chuckled and kissed me briefly.

“The best thing you could do would be to stretch out on the bed until the magic dissipates, but you don’t seem to do well with sedation unless you’re molting.”

_Which shouldn’t happen anymore, like I said before, I’ve reached my full size._

“I know,” he confirmed and kissed me again. “I was merely saying that other than fucking you to sleep and rubbing oils on a molting dragon, you don’t tend to stay still very long.”

I scoffed._ Right. And the other thing I would prefer to do stretched out, I stretch out on my gut and that just sounds like a horrible idea at the moment._ He chuckled.

“Indeed.”

I snuggled against his shoulder a moment and tried to think, but everything came back to the same thing. “An hour?” He chuckled again.

“It may be a little longer, Vhenan. Your magics are stronger than most.” I growled down against his throat a moment, until I heard the clang and patter on the stairs.

I willed my bathrobe to me and I slipped it over my shoulders as he slid into his trousers. The two maids had a guest trudging cautiously behind them. “Is it safe?” he whispered as they rounded the corner and the one maid giggled and nodded.

My favorite girl was there and as she set the trays down she looked over at us. “Is she feelin’ alright, Master Solas? She only called on us once today. And not at all yesterday. Is the lady dragon alright?” Solas smiled and nodded.

“She is sore from her flight, but all is well.” The girl smiled and began bowing away then.

“Ask her to hold a moment, Solas.” He raised his hand and she froze, a look of pure terror over her face.

“She would like a word with you.”

“I-I meant no offense. I wasn’t tryin’ to pry or nothin’, honest. I-”

“Calmly,” I urged and smiled at her.

“She says to calm yourself. She is not angry.”

The poor thing fidgeted again. “I, I don’t know why else she might want to talk to _me_ is all,” she mumbled. I chuckled then reached over to the box by the bed and pulled it open. A folded parchment within withdrawn and passed by Solas to her as Solas cocked a confused gaze at me.

_When has there ever been a box_ there? I grinned.

_Later, my love._

“Oh. It’s beautiful, m’ lady, mistress dragon. Oh, I’ve gone and messed up again. I’m so sorry.” I smiled to her. “Here.” She went to hand it back and I put my hand over Solas’ arm and shook my head before giving the simple hand gesture to her that it was for her. “Oh, oh, lady dragon, I couldn’t.”

“It is for you. I made it for you,” and Solas echoed my words.

“Oh.” Her eyes misted a moment and she dashed them away. “Thank you, my lady.” I smiled shooed her on and she retreated up the stairs.

“Would you like to tell me what you made for her?” Solas asked.

I smiled at him. “A picture.”

“I figured that much out, Vhenan. Of what?” I grinned at him and tapped his nose before I attempted to stand. I was extremely grateful he was there then as I swayed heavily and nearly fell over save his catch. “You should be stretched out in bed,” he nearly growled, but my stomach returned the favor. “I will bring the food to you. _Please_ sit back down.” It was not anger in his eyes then and it was truly impossible for me to resist. I sighed and nodded as he helped me back into the bed.

“I feel like a bleeding invalid,” I growled. He smiled at me before Adaar could ask what I’d said.

“She feels restrained, being kept to bed for exhaustion sake.”

“I’m sorry to wear her out so just to come get us.” Adaar sighed. “Especially since I came down here to insist she come with us.” Solas froze as his jaw set.

_Insist?_ “To where, Inquisitor? She can barely stand right now.” Adaar grimaced as Solas moved to the desk and lifted one of the trays to bring it over to the bed.

“It’s bad timing, I’ll be the first to admit it, but we leave for the Winter Palace tomorrow morning.” Adaar sighed. “I’ll commission a carriage for her, if you think she will need to stay stretched out for the journey, but I may _need_ both of you there.” The fear in his voice obvious, Solas schooled his expression and turned to face the younger man.

“You will need two elven apostates with you?”

Adaar chewed his tongue a moment looking down at Solas. “Not quite.” Solas’ eyebrow came up again and Adaar heaved a breath. “I need two people there that I know can’t be bought,” he said on a whisper. “I want you two and Cassandra, to the void with anyone else the Ambassador invites. I need the people I _know_ I can trust.” He shifted feet. “People who can keep me from royally fucking up in front of all of Orlais.”

Solas smiled kindly at the boy a moment before he sighed.

“The Ambassador said you didn’t want her to go, and I get that, but I also remember how desolate you were for the first days ride out to Crestwood.” I looked up then and Solas tried to turn.

“Solas.”

“Eat your food, Vhenan.” It was a covering statement but I could feel the echoed pain, the memory of those moments floating around him.

“I would not ask you to go through that again,” Adaar stated and as I looked up, I saw a man in love speaking to another, not a dim-witted qunari trying to address an elven mage that knew more than his entire army put together.

“We will go,” I stated and he looked at me.

“Vhenan, I still do not think it wise-”

“We will go,” I insisted and he looked back at me then as I smiled up at him. “I will be careful. Trust. We will go.”

“What?” Adaar asked looking between me and Solas repeatedly until Solas sighed, then knelt by the bed, taking my one hand in his as he stared up at me.

“You’re certain?”

I smiled at him. _I can protect us._ “I am.”

Solas sighed and without turning back to Adaar he spoke. “She says, we will go.” Adaar heaved a breath then as if he’d been holding it his whole way down those stairs.

“Thank you, Solas.” He looked up at me then, the smile across his face unmistakable. He’d been terrified we’d say no, terrified to go alone, and I smiled. “Thank you both.” I nodded and threw my gaze to the door. “Of course. You’ll have preparing to do. Thank you,” he said again and left.

Solas sat there a moment just stroking my hand. “Solas.” He met my eyes then and I saw the fear in his. I pulled my hand back and cleaned the other on a napkin before I took his face in my hands.

_Thank you_. He grinned at me.

“Trust me.”

_Athena, in that condition-_

“Solas.” I waited for his full attention. “I can protect us, the three of us. Trust me.” He smiled then and I watched as it registered across his face. _If the magic works the same in a dragon body as an elf’s then I will be protecting far more than you or me. Tell me a more dangerous place in _any_ world_. He quirked an eyebrow and I grinned. _Duh, he doesn’t know the quote._ “In my world, there is a famous saying, I don’t remember by whom. It goes ‘there is no place more dangerous in the world, then between a mother and her cub’.” Solas grinned then.

_Taking to the idea then, my heart._

_If the fates are kind. If not, then the magic dissipates it is only the man I want more than anything, dreams, life, wants, that I’ll be protecting. No danger there._

He started laughing then and sat up to snuggle against the dragon skull. _Could never-_ I snapped my jaws together and he chuckled again. “Very well, Vhenan. I won’t say it,” he said sitting back to smile at me. _At least not while I’m in range._ I chuckled then too.

“I, Will you dine with me here, ma lath?” He smiled at me a moment before taking my chin in his hand and answering.

“What manner of man would I be to deny such a request?” He leaned down to kiss me briefly before retrieving his tray and sitting back down on the bed beside me.

Despite his statement about only needing an hour, he kept me in bed most of the day with one excuse or another. After dinner however, as he rose to place the trays back on the desk, I drew from my energies and pulled up a bath and shifted up onto my own feet beside the bed before he could turn.

“Enough, Solas. I need a bath,” I stated to the glare I got as he turned to find me standing.

“Athena.”

“You can’t bring a bath to bed, Solas. It’s not even a full twelve paces.” He glared over at me and as he stalked over, I wondered if he did not intend to push the argument, but he stopped before me and loosed the ties of the bath robe, throwing it over onto the bed. I chuckled. “Think to keep me in bed by other means?” He smiled, but did not answer.

_Silent thoughts._

“Why si-ah. Solas.” In a single moment, he had me across his chest and was padding over to the tub. “Solas, put me down. I’m not incapable. The pain is nearly gone. Just,” he slid my feet to the floor by the tub and I glared up at him then.

“Bathe. I will wait.”

“You are not carrying me back, Solas. I can walk.” It was a vicious growl that finished that statement. His silence to that really irked the shit out of me and I felt my canines align as I glared up at him. The arrogant bastard at that moment actually had the unmitigated gall to smirk.

“You know your rights well enough, learn mine. You have the right to choose as I have the right to protect my blood.” The smirk faded to a simple smile as the gaze thrown down at me was as hard as the ice chip color. “What was it you said?” he asked after a moment. “‘You have no _right_ ‘to choose for me’? I protect what is mine as _I_ see fit.” _That is the way of the wolf, my heart._ I broke the gaze then with a sigh.

_Point._ I didn’t like it. It honestly made me feel like being talked down to having him carrying me around, like I was stupid or incapable and I growled against the thought, but I could not argue his point. It is the wolf’s right to protect his mate however he would see as necessary, how he desires. I felt my lips tremble as the nerve began to pull them back over my teeth a few times as I choked it down.

He tucked a hand under my chin to get me to look up at him. “That hard to accept, Vhenan?”

“You have no idea,” I growled and turned to slide into my bath. The hot water barely helped ease the ache of muscles sore from stiffness. I growled down against the water for a moment before I glanced up to see him stripping off the shirt, the tunic already behind him. _Giving me a show for my bath, my love? Think it will help?_ He grinned and loosed the pants.

“Hardly, but those muscles will need more than your venting and squirming in the water.” I snorted, water flaring up over the tub edges, and then turned my head up to the tub facing away from him then.

_More doting. I am dragon; not some pet. I’m a hunter. I work alone. I fight alone. I don’t do this whole…thing. It is about as unnatural feeling as walking on my ears_. I heard him chuckle then as I felt the water break to him stepping in. Even the sound I loved could hardly ease it though and I heard him sigh after I shifted under the water away from his touch for a moment with another growl.

“Athena, look at me.” He sounded exasperated.

_Like I don’t know how that feels._ I snorted and cocked my head to the side, to look out one eye at him and he sighed again.

“Come to me, ma lath.” I sighed then.

_You’re being petulant, Athena. Get up_, I snapped at myself_._ I growled and rose then, to shift and snuggle my back to his chest. His warmth almost immediately helped with the muscles slightly, and there was nothing I could do for the relaxing sigh that followed the pain leaving. He tucked me tight into him with his left arm and turned my face with his right hand until I was looking back over my shoulder at him. _Gods, but I love his arms around me. I just feel so fucking useless-_

“Athena.” My gaze met his then and there was no condescension, no anger. “You are not useless, Vhenan. Not invalid or incapable. You are you, and I would shift stars to protect you, even knowing what that might mean.” I smiled at him a moment and looked away.

_Charmer._ I sighed. His arms were a comfort for me, a safety blanket against a world I didn’t truly belong in. I felt his emotions shift then, his grief as he snuggled into my neck.

_Athena, I…Did myself no favors that day. Athena. Please forgive me._ “I never meant you such pain, Vhenan.”

“Solas. We’ve been over this. No more apologizing for it. It’s months past.”

_I’ll stop apologizing when you stop remembering how horribly I hurt you that day._ “Ar lath, ma vhenan. I ache for that pain I caused you.” He shifted me then, turning so my legs lay over his right leg and both wet hands came up to hold my face as he kissed me and snuggled his forehead to mine. “I will spend every day of my life trying to be a better me, because you deserve something better.” I opened my mouth and he shook his head. “No, Vhenan. We will not argue this.”

“I don’t want you to change, Solas. I don’t need a ‘better’ you. I just need you.” I kissed him and sat back, our eyes locking then. “I didn’t fall in love with the ‘better’ you and it is hard enough for me to grasp how I am _remotely_ worthy of you as you are. Better,” I scoffed, “I’d fall off that pedestal so fast.” He smirked sadly then. “I don’t want better, Solas.” I looked down then, trying to find the words, trying to think. _Gods but his eyes always do that to me. It’s like a ‘brain numb’ switch. I just can’t find my vocabulary._ I snorted on a smile then. _Probably because I’d rather just shut up and stare at him, but that doesn’t help when things need saying._

He tucked his thumbs under my jaw and forced my head up to his for another kiss before asking, “What needs saying, Vhenan?” I growled against the feeling a moment before just blurting my thoughts in a rush.

“I don’t like it, there, I said it. I don’t do doting, or pandering, or this tender _etunash_,” came out all at once. “I’m not some Orlesian wall flower or some shemlin priest praying to a nonexistent maker for forgiveness for some sin supposedly committed thousands of years before. I,” he pressed a thumb over my mouth then and I met eyes that shimmered in amusement.

He grinned at me for a moment, and it was then that I noticed my temperature had kicked up and as I got it under control the grin turned smile and he stroked my lips with his thumbs a moment before speaking. “I know you are none of those things, Athena.” He smiled and watched as I got myself completely back under control. “I would have no interest in any of them. Brainless has never been my ‘type’.” I grinned as he referred to our previous conversations. He stroked by my cheeks a moment and finally said, “Call me old fashioned, Athena, but by my mind a man should _show_ his mate every way he can, her importance, her value, his love. Words will never mean much to a wolf,” he half snarled. “I don’t imagine they mean much to a dragon.” I grinned.

_The world can have all the words it wants, but hearing yours is worth,_ I paused to meet his gaze and corrected, _living for_. He scoffed and smiled as he noted my correction.

He wet his lips and continued. “I don’t know the ways you _think_ should be appropriate to show, and I fear hearing them as I have less than a low opinion of _males_ of your world.” I smiled up at him then.

_They are not all that bad._

“Regardless, I don’t know how else to show you, Vhenan.” He broke the gaze then and I watched him search as I had and I grinned. I’d never expected the same in reverse. He smiled up at me then. “I’d be lying to say I don’t enjoy my hands on you, touching you, kissing you, holding you; be it a hug or carrying you across my body, or dancing through the night. I,” he broke off and looked away. “You already know.”

I snorted and smiled as I turned his face back to me. “No, Solas. Actually, this time, I didn’t.” I couldn’t explain why, I was afraid to admit that to him. Silence held for a few minutes then, the sound of the fire and the lapping water all that could be heard outside of my pounding heart rate.

I could never have anticipated his response. He pulled me to him, kissed me soundly as I heard the words echoed back, _Damn the two-legged words._

His hands slid over my shoulders and down my back to pull me tighter to him and my arms linked behind his head as he kissed me. There was no demand there, no fear, only the declaration of the wolf. ‘My mate, my choice, my love to protect, to have as _I_ will’. Solas sat back hard then, heaving breaths against his own desire to push it further. I knew that was why, but I couldn’t stop the thoughts; the reason, I would never let another touch me.

_Stupid whore_. I squeezed my eyes shut then. I did not want to know how he’d react to that as I pulled my arms back. Emotions and memories seemed to just be overwhelming my mind and I fought with myself. _Do you remember now? Could you tell him truthfully? _I swallowed. _It’s not true. Shut up. Not true, I know it’s not true._ My memories of other hands touching me making my skin crawl, my stomach pitched and I couldn’t feel him there, couldn’t feel the water. _Tell me the feeling is not true. He used you and discarded you like week old fruit. What else do you call it?_ Shifting, shaking somewhere. _No. No, no, no. Not true. Not a whore. I was never his whore. Explain his using you as one then. I was barely fourteen! I was a child! What is a child supposed to do against a full grown man?! Nothing! I fought, yeah! _ I sighed then against my stomach pitching. _Tom fought too. Nearly a man himself. Derrick killed him. What chance did I have?_ I tried to focus then, tried to find my place, my body, drifting somewhere. The lines, I needed the lines back, but my mind did not relent. _So you were his whore. And now, you’re someone else. NO!_ I pulled my eyes open then staring down into the water. My body burned around me. _Solas would never-not his way. No._

“Athena!” He yanked my face up to meet his scared gaze. “Athena, look at me. Athena!” I tried to focus, tried to see, but I felt so empty, burning on the outside and freezing inside. “Athena!” My gaze found his for a moment. “Athena, the magics used, Athena! The magics used will shift things through your body. They will make memory more real, emotions more prevalent. Athena! You must control!”

_Control? Dragon._ I reached up then and as my palm pressed to the skull the burning sensation calmed, a warm blanket over a freezing body. _Dragon._

I stood on the ocean of will, stretching so wide and deep I could easily have called it a sky-scape. The dragon head rose from the water to meet me. _Dragon?_

_ We are dragon._

_ Whore?_ A painful thought that made me flinch and she snorted into the waters spraying over me, the fine mist steaming off my skin.

_No. No man’s bitch, no man’s whore. _A smirk. _A wolf, does not accept whores. It kills them. We know this. A dragon does not accept whores, it kills them. We know this as well. Why let the old man hurt you still?_ The question phrased reverberated across my will, over my actual bones.

_He can’t. He’s more than a world away; dead more than a world away._ She smiled at me and her tail passed my ankles.

_He can’t_, she confirmed. _Your thoughts might hurt the wolf though._

_ Solas._ I shook myself from my will then, a desperate need to see him, to assure him. My mind dropped hard back down into my body and I felt his arms lift me against him.

“Athena.” I shivered and reached up to him.

_Here, my love. Just had to have a bit of, conversation. A dragon that didn’t care for the memories._ He tried to smile then, passed the worry that creased his face. “I’m alright, Solas. I promise, I’ll be alright.” I swallowed hard as I realized I was still hyperventilating and tried to slow it. “A little out of breath at the moment is all.” He sighed and settled me back against him, tucking my shoulder up against his chest as he held me.

_What could have triggered that memory?_

“It’s not your issue to fix, ma vhenan.”

“Do you know what triggered it?”

“Yes.” I was silent then and snuggled closer to the warmth I much needed then. He heated the tub warmer then and I smiled lightly.

“Will you tell me?” I leaned back to look up at him then.

I thought for a long moment on the wisdom of telling him or not, but wisdom won. “You pulled back.” The words hit, but I could contain them then. _Used. Whore._

“Athena.”

“I’m fine, Solas. I know,” I sighed. “Dragons and wolves both, they don’t have whores, they kill them. I am no whore. You would not have one.” I smiled up at him then to watch him set his teeth and take my face in his hands so there was nothing but his hands and face in front of me as he stressed his next words.

“You are my mate.” I smiled.

“I know that, Solas.” It was a feeling that would never fit in words, to know that I belonged to the man I loved more than anything. “I know, that you only sat back like that, because you want to protect me.” He was silent and I pressed on. “I know, you can feel the magics in me as easily as I can. You know they are still there, and that pressing further, much as I would love to have you again, might have seriously hurt me. You wouldn’t risk it.” He smiled sadly then.

_At least you had _one_ proper thought in there._ I grinned then.

_I honestly don’t completely understand what all the magics coursing through me have altered. I haven’t had memories hit me that hard in, years._ I sighed then and the grin dissipated. _I can usually control them better than that._ He chuckled then and I looked back up at him, the laughter playing in green-blue eyes.

“How much do _you_ know of what your body goes through?” he asked. I cocked an eyebrow for all of a second before it hit me like a hammer and I began laughing.

“The joys,” I said on a laugh and he snuggled down to me.

_Indeed._ I felt his warmth willed around me then and I snuggled against him.

_His protection and warmth. No need to resist the wolf, he will protect us._ I smiled and watched his lips curl in a tender smile for a moment as I let my hand drift to my lower stomach. He was just as happy to protect me as I was to have him. It was a harder thing to swallow for a moment but the truth can be jagged, I knew that. I watched his mouth quirk slightly at the thought and it made me smile. I let my gaze drift down a moment. I would never have considered before Thedas, before coming here, never have thought or wanted to have a mate, or children. I loved my Solas, my book character, and no matter what the foolish christians believed, a book, a thought cannot get you pregnant. I chuckled a moment and felt him smile lightly before returning to his contentment. _But that’s it, isn’t it? I am his contentment, his safe place as much as he is my ambition. I need nothing beyond him, but I am his comfort for the things beyond me that scar him so. _I felt him barely shake his head.

_Always thinking of me? Is there no room there to think of you? How much you truly mean to me? How much of a gift you are to me? Can you grasp that thought, my Athena? My beautiful Athena._

_Gift? _I grinned then and splayed my hand over my stomach. _Fen’harel Enansal._ I felt him chuckle then and he finally opened his eyes to smile down at me. He pulled me up to kiss him briefly but it is extremely difficult to kiss a grinning man and he sat back.

“Truly? That’s what you took from that?” He chuckled again and the grin on his face made me smile. _I love you, Athena. You are far beyond precious to me._ I couldn’t stop it, though I did try as my eyes seemed to mist up on their own. My attempt to look away did little good as he guided me back to looking up at him and wiped the tears away.

“You don’t,” I sighed as I tried to return to our original conversation. It needed concluding but it was just so challenging to find the words I wanted to say. “Solas.” I looked up to him then and saw the face of a man in love, beyond reason or right, the eyes of the man I love staring down at me still laughing quietly. Nothing I said could truly be wrong. “I don’t need the castles these girls dream of. I don’t want someone waiting on me hand and foot. I don’t need you to bend over backwards trying to show me that you love me. I know you do.” He smiled gently at me then and the laughter took backseat to the love. “Just let me stay in your arms, Solas.” I looked down at his hands then, still holding my face. “We can, we can dance if you really want to. I still don’t think I’m as good at it as you claim, but-”

He leaned forward and sealed my argument. _Hush, Athena_. The kiss was slower, calmer, not without passion but not overpowered by it. He chuckled at my next thought.

_How many different kisses are there?_ He leaned up and licked his lips briefly as he smiled down at me.

“As many as there are emotions.” He pushed my hair back over my shoulder.

_Emotions? Will I be able to check my own body for safety?_

“It might be easier if you told me what to look for.”

I smiled at him. “Yeah. Because that’s what you’d be doing.” He chuckled.

“I can be clinical, when need be.” I remembered briefly him tending my wounds on the way to Skyhold and my smile faded. He tucked my chin up with the knuckle of his forefinger and I met a concerned gaze that only made me smile again.

“I know you can,” I stated.

“Athena.”

“Just remembering other times you’ve had to, for my sake.” He let it go then and I swallowed. “I think I can instruct you, specifically, though,” I grimaced briefly, “not sure it will be easier.” He raised that eyebrow and I chuckled, then leaned up and kissed him briefly. His quirks just made me love him more. “I say that because I know the ‘clinical terms’ of my world and that I’ve seen they don’t always match here.”

He smiled then. “Then show me, instead.”

_DUH!_ I laughed at myself then and he chuckled with me. “I swear my mind has gone to mush,” I half-growled. He chuckled again. “Yeah, I know. More signs. Grr.” He laughed then.

“Let’s get you cleaned first, Vhenan. Then we can go over what it is I’ll be searching for.” I smiled at him.

_Will you always put me first like that?_ He wasn’t meant to hear it but his grin said he did.

“_Always_.”


	17. Journey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beginning the long journey to the Winter Palace was bad enough for Athena since she had to leave her halla behind, but it got horribly worse with an over-protective eye nearly constantly. Few things ease such tight restraints, especially when applied to a dragon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story contains massive spoilers for the game. Please note, that if you are reading, I take no responsibility for ruining game plot you haven't gotten to yet.  
Also, I use multiple songs within the story. I do not claim ownership to these songs. All copyrights belong to the original authors. (I'm just a huge fan :P)

Chapter 17: Journey

“Why?” I was already in poor form that morning as I had been trying to explain without damaging situations that would need to be prepared for at the Winter Palace for the last half hour and now…

“The High Court does not view halla as appropriate mounts, Lady Aethien.”

“I’m not of the High Court,” I growled. Cole shifted and I forced myself to calm down before he could translate. Solas had been readying gear when they asked me above stairs and Cole was only too happy to translate. “Rephrased, what would it matter for a bastard elf to ride a halla at the back of the army?”

“I would never place you at the back,” Adaar jumped in and I sighed. “I have wa-y too much respect for you to do that. Do you know what you have to ride through back there?” I glared at him. “Of course you do. My point is that, _I_ respect you too much for that. I couldn’t have it.” I sighed again.

“Then why don’t I just fly? I could meet you on the other side of Val Royeaux and only need a horse for the matter of a single day’s ride.”

“I don’t think that wise,” Leliana said. “Solas informed Adaar of your exhaustion from before. Better to keep your strength. If we do need it, I’d rather it be there.”

I sighed, then closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose again.

“Seething, seeking, anger from within; hush, da’len.” I straightened.

“Very well. How long is this going to take, to transport us?”

“The standard, oh right, uh,” Leliana coughed and corrected. “It generally takes between twenty-one to twenty-five days to travel from Haven to the Winter Palace. We’re higher up but we are also further north so probably,” she scrunched her face as she did the quick math in her head, “fifteen, maybe eighteen days.”

I rolled my eyes as the sound came out that needed no translation. “Ugh.” I growled a moment, then started to speak and thought I started calmly I could not maintain it. “I could fly the entire army there and back in little more than three!” The last words seemed to echo on the walls around us.

“Atishan, Vhenan.” The voice on its own was balm to my burning anger as I turned to see a smile and stepped back to him. He held me to his chest. “The plans do not agree with you?” It was a gentle question as he held me to him.

“She wishes to fly-”

“Absolutely not,” Solas barked and Josephine actually blinked back a moment. His hand tucked under my chin and I met a gaze more resolute than most had seen of him. “No.” I smiled up at him a moment and sighed happily.

“Very well, my love.” I heard Cole still mimic it and looked over at him.

“Oh, sorry.”

“You are truly in no condition to be on this trip as it is.” It was a near growl and sadly, Josephine missed the tone.

“I thought that you-”

“_She_,” he snapped growling up at her, “says we will go. I still think this is the most idiotic concept I’ve heard to date.” It was defensive snap and one that Cassandra had to force her expression to obey her as she desperately wanted to smile by the look of how her lips kept jerking up.

“We will protect her, Solas,” Adaar said then and all eyes, my lover’s included, snapped to him, but he was dead locked with Solas. “We will protect her,” he repeated with a brief nod to emphasize. “She is your lover, and it is your right before any,” Solas seemed to calm slightly to that, “but she is friend to many here, and still the greatest asset the Inquisition has. We will protect her.” Silence fell for a moment before Varric burst out laughing and the whole room seemed shocked.

“Oh this priceless,” he said through his laughter.

“I don’t find the amusement, dwarf,” Cassandra snapped.

“Oh, come on. I couldn’t write this kind of romantic crap. The ultimate stuffy, stodgy elf is so in love that he risks shouting at people who could hang him for apostate.” I felt the growling hiss rise from my gut before it even reached my throat as my entire body heated as my lips curled back. “Hey,” he said pulling his hands back like I might jump at him. “Not saying anyone would, but still, you have to see the humor. No one believed he was capable of feelings at all until you showed up. And now he stands here, in a room of people (probably fifty percent would like to kill him or worse) and he’s growling at them because they want to take _you_ somewhere that _might_ be dangerous.”

“There is no ‘might’, Varric,” Solas snapped.

“Case in point.” And he returned to his gales of laughter.

My heat would not go down. I burned everywhere and the thoughts would not stop. _They would hurt him. They _would_ hurt him._ The dragon roared back, _They can _try_!_ Cool hands on my face as Cole sat before my vision.

“They won’t hurt him,” Cole insisted. Cooling but still burning, the anger seemed to seethe in my veins and Solas’ arms around me tightened.

“Ar’an ama.” I snuggled into him, as the heat died down and I felt the simple hiss rise in my throat.

Josephine cleared her throat after a moment. “We should be leaving shortly if we don’t mean to press the horses.” I snorted again and Solas chuckled.

“I’m sure Master Dennett will take good care of Falon in your absence, Vhenan.”

_They are slower stupid things in comparison._ He smiled and hugged me tighter.

Well I was right about one thing. I snorted again and the horse under me whineyed lightly. I pet its neck and tried not to glare as I looked ahead. Nothing but mountain, and mountain, and oh wait, more mountain. I snorted again. Couple that with the fact that a halla can easily carry two for prolonged periods of time. A horse would crumple, so everyone to their own horse and be sure its fed and watered, because also unlike halla, horses have to be stopped to be watered and rested ever six or seven hours.

The sun was barely beginning to set on our first day out and my temper was flaring like chromosphere of Earth’s sun. Most avoided me for the day. I doubt my countenance did me any favors there, but it had been made worse as they assigned units for scouting parties and guess who got to stay with the main group every single blasted time.

_Useless! I could scout the entire thing, blaze a trail from us to them to be sure of it, fly back, and still have enough time to recover from all that before we got there!_

“Sing?” Cole asked lightly from beside me. I looked over at him a moment and I still couldn’t control my rage. “For your gift.” That dimmed it. I smiled sadly at him.

“Yes, Cole. I will sing. For Enansal.” Cole smiled. It was harder for this time as Solas’ group was the one out scouting. He’d kept my mind distracted when it would start flaring for the last few hours, but…I sighed. _Sing._ I was just so angry, it was so hard to think of a lullaby, something to ease …I grinned then, _my gift_. “Not lullaby,” I said with a smile at him and Cole nodded. “Rockabye.” I sighed then as I heard the snare start in my mind. “She grew up with the children of the stars, In the Hollywood hills and boulevard. Her parents threw big parties, Everyone was there. They hung out with folks like, Dennis Hopper and Bob Seeker and Sunny and Cher. She feels safe now, in this bar on Fairfax. And from the stage I can tell that, She can't let go and she can't relax, And just before, She hangs her head to cry, I sing to her a lullaby, I sing, Everything's gonna be all right, Rockabye, rockabye, Everything's gonna be all right, Rockabye, rockabye, Rockabye, She still lives with her mom, Outside the city, Down that street about a half a mile, And all her friends tell her, She's so pretty, But she'd be a whole lot prettier, If she smiled once in a while, `cause even her smile, Looks like a frown, She's seen her share of devils, In this angel town, But, everything's gonna be all right, Rockabye, rockabye, Everything's gonna be all right, Rockabye, rockabye, Rockabye, I told her I ain't so sure, About this place, It's hard to play a gig in this town, And keep a straight face. Seems like everyone here's got a plan, It's kind of like Nashville with a tan, but, Everything's gonna be all right, Rockabye, rockabye, Everything's gonna be all right, Rockabye, rockabye, Everything's gonna be all right, Rockabye, rockabye, Everything's gonna be all right, Rockabye, rockabye, rockabye, bye, bye, Bye, bye.” I grinned out then.

“One more?” Cole asked. “She’s calming down.” I grinned fit to crack my face then and nodded.

“April roses, tiny sparrows, Comets bright and new, All belong together, With the mystery that is you, When I see your little face, I hear a song from long ago, I think you know, The many secrets I've forgotten, Generations through the ages, Joined as one somehow, Leading to the miracle, That I'm holding now, From the sky and from the sea, Upon a breeze you came to me, You seem to see, A greater universe than I do, Sleep my baby, sleep my baby, Dream of somewhere far away, Do you remember still, How I hope you always will, Keep the memory of the day, The world was born. When you wake up I'll be waiting, Eager for your smile. You've had quite a journey, darling, You should rest a while. When you cry we still rejoice, To hear your voice - oh, yes it's true, My sweet Washu, Please understand how much we love you, Sleep my baby, sleep my baby, Later on perhaps you'll tell, The wondrous things you've seen, More miraculous than dreams, Tell me all about the day, The world was born, Sleep my baby, sleep my baby, Dream of somewhere far away, Do you remember still? How I hope you always will, Keep the memory of the day, The world was born.” It had been years since I’d watched Tenchi and the fact I still remembered the song made me grin almost as much as Cole then.

“I like that one,” Cole said.

“So do I,” Cassandra added and I looked over at her with a smile. “What is that one about?”

Cole echoed me as I said, “A peaceful rest in a world far away.” Cassandra smiled then.

“It would seem the people of your world did have at least something in common with ours.” I smiled and touched my hand to my lips, then forehead, then belly, then pressed them together like a pillow I leaned my head on a moment. She grinned then. “Yes. We have the same wishes for peaceful nights for our children.”

“Do you think we should make camp?” Josephine was asking Leliana and my ears perked. My expression shifted immediately. Solas and the others were not back yet and I glared at the Ambassador.

“I think we should press on a little longer,” Cassandra shouted quickly over to her.

“The horses are exhausted, Cassandra,” Leliana began then stopped as Cassandra voiced what crossed her expression.

“The _horses_ are likely to become dragon dinner if we don’t press on.” Josephine met my gaze then and actually swallowed.

“I suppose we could press on, a little longer.” Again the anger flared. She blurred in my vision a moment until the cool hand placed on mine and I blinked to look over at Cole.

“Sing. One more song should be long enough,” he suggested and I tried to smile at him. It would at least calm my nerves to sing. But of what? I couldn’t think of another song. “Look,” he said and pointed to the sun sinking behind the mountains. I smiled then. I knew what he wanted to hear.

I felt it build before I considered the side effects. I knew horses were skittish creatures, but this one was under Cole’s hand so it didn’t occur to me what might happen to the others as the roar belted and I came forward. A dozen horses tried to rise and bolt. I looked around to see it and issued a very different roar then and all calmed advancing on shaking legs. Several horses loosed their water as they walked, eyes whirling wildly. It was an animalistic challenge that called first to leave the pack to become dinner.

“What was that?” Cassandra asked, but my mind was from her. I wanted to see my lover, I wanted my Solas back.

“Moon so bright, Night so fine.”

“Shut up, Cassandra,” Leliana hurriedly ordered as all listened, all quieted to listen to the dragon that sang atop the horse at the forefront of the army.

“Keep your heart, Here with mine. Life's a dream, We are dreaming. Race the moon, Catch the wind, Ride the night, To the end,” I rose high in my saddle as I continued, my shoulders would not slump as I sang for him, the song he’d called his. “Seize the day, Stand up for the light, I want to spend my lifetime loving you.”

[[[Solas fought for control with the beast for a moment as Adaar and Bull wrangled with theirs. None had expected the blast, but the second one seemed to make it worse. Solas understood the cause after the second, but it wasn’t something he could explain to Adaar. Finally they got their steads in hand and began their ride faster back. Adaar ordered a swifter return as only one creature made that sound.

Solas couldn’t tell him that she had full control of the herd, but he smiled as they approached, the sound cooling man and beast as it drifted over them.

“dreaming.” Solas grinned.

“You may get your wish, Inquisitor,” he said with a smile. He could feel Adaar looking at him confused but it hardly mattered, he would love to hear this song until the end of days.

“Race the moon, Catch the wind.” He knew they couldn’t understand any of it and it made it that much better. She sang for him and he grinned as they approached the sound and Adaar silently ordered a slowing. It was entrancing, understandable or not, “Ride the night, To the end. Seize the day. Stand up for the light.”

He probably shouldn’t have started but he had sung that song with her below Skyhold now a dozen times and it came only naturally to join in her joy. He tried to stay quieter at first until he realized there was no point. Besides, singing in his native language only made it more relieving.]]]

“I want to spend my lifetime loving you,” I almost missed the note as the baritone came in with the next line and I grinned to see them riding back through the tree line. “If that is all in life I ever do.”

“Andraste’s Holy Nickers! Chuckles can sing.” Not even Varric could pull the joy out of this for me though.

“Heroes rise, Heroes fall, Rise again, Win it all.” Together as below Skyhold we sang the rest of the song, even as he came and spun his mount to ride beside me. “In your heart, Can't you feel the glory? Throughout joy, Throughout pain, We can move, Worlds again. Take my hand. Dance with me.” He echoed the last line smiling at me and it was all I could do not to grin. “I want to spend my lifetime loving you, If that is all in life I ever do. I will want nothing else to see me through, If I can spend my lifetime loving you.” The horses seemed to calm as we road on and I felt my temperature regulate slowly. “Though we know, We will never come again, Where there is love, Life begins, Over and over again. Save the night, Save the day, Save the love, Come what may. Love is worth, Everything we pay. I want to spend my lifetime loving you, If that is all in life I ever do. I want to spend my lifetime loving you, If that is all in life I ever do. I will want nothing else to see me through, If I can spend my lifetime loving you.”

The sun sank in the silence to follow and Solas’ grinned beside me. _Missing me already, My Heart?_ I chuckled.

“It was Cole’s idea.” I looked down then. I didn’t really want to admit it but I did. “I was beginning to lose my temper with day, and Cole suggested I should sing. I attempted to refuse at first and he rephrased it. Couldn’t refuse.”

“What did Cole say that inspired you to sing that song?”

“Two before that.”

“I missed two songs?”

“They were beautiful, Solas. Even Cassandra said so,” Leliana stated and Solas saw the bard Leliana again and smiled at her. Cassandra bristled a little then.

“And what is so wrong with that? Should I not also enjoy a lovely song?” Adaar smiled gently at her.

“I only wish I could have heard these songs myself.”

“That makes two of us, Inquisitor,” Solas said smiling over at me. “Perhaps, you will repeat them?”

“Perhaps tomorrow,” I said on a chuckle.

“I can wait for tomorrow,” he said and looked forward again with a grin.

Josephine pulled her horse in closer to Cassandra then. “Do you think it might be safe to call a camp for the night?” she whispered.

I barked a half roar and every horse came to a dead stop as I looked over at Josephine.

“I, I meant no offense. I also did not realize how good your hearing was.” I quirked and eyebrow at her and she collected herself. “Are, we alright to stop?” I glanced first at Solas, then back to her and nodded.

“Then we stop for the night,” Adaar announced. “Make camp!”

“Ugh. Thank the Maker,” Cassandra grumbled as she dismounted. I doubt many noticed how Adaar smiled at her as she slid to her feet as he capped it and began issuing orders.

I smiled atop my mount as others swarmed about. _I need food_, I thought with a quick pop as I stretched my shoulders. I looked up briefly. The night sky was clear. I’d be able to see for…

“No.” It was swift and harsh and I looked over to see Solas standing beside me. He lifted his hands to me and I slid over to him. He set me on my feet as one of the soldiers held the reins to my horse. “You will not fly.”

“Still on about that?” Leliana asked.

“I’m hungry, Solas. I can hunt for myself.”

He didn’t look up from me as he said, “Spymaster. How quickly can dinner be prepared for the dragon? It would seem she’s hungry.”

I glared at him as she answered. “We can get on it right away,” she threw a glance to the side and several of her scouts scurried off. “Perhaps half an hour?” Leliana suggested. I felt my nostrils flare as I met his gaze.

“Can your stomach last so long, Vhenan?” _Or is it for other reasons that you snap so?_ I blinked and looked away then.

_I, I hadn’t meant-_

_ I know._ I hazarded a glance back to be caught in the gaze of my lover, smiling down at me. I nodded then.

“Good. Could you help the others with the fires, while I prepare our tent?” I smiled and nodded.

As I wandered helping with fires, they were going about it the waaay hard way. I shook my head and began walking over and pulling people away from the stacks of tiny wood. I reached out with my will and pulled in loose branches from around into a mass pyre in the middle of all of the tents. A negligent flip of my hand, I didn’t even need the Fade for that one, and the pyre burst into flames, heating and lighting the twilight about. I reached out to the Veil then and lifted larger portions that stuck like massive torches and presented them to the others.

“Light them with that.” Whether they understood me or not, all accepted the branches and dashed off with them to light separate fires spread throughout the camp. I chuckled as they scurried away.

“That is the kind of behavior that got mages placed in the Towers to begin with,” Vivienne stated and I looked over at her. I shifted my expression then to one ever more arrogant than her own as she read exactly what I meant ‘let them try’. She shivered then. “You don’t think the Templars could force you into a circle.” I snorted and walked off. “How rude.”

I smirked as I found Dorian struggling with his tent. I reached over him and pulled the line up and he smiled back at me. “Thank you.” I nodded and he got it secure then. I patted his shoulder and walked off. I wandered the camp for a few moments before I could smell the meat and I felt myself heat to shift.

I fought it down, though I was gasping air by the end. I swallowed hard as I righted myself and tried to think. _It’s just food. No need to shift. Just the smell of meat. We’ll have it shortly. A little patience. No need to shift. So hard to control._ Solas was beside me then. He swung me up in his arms and Fade-jumped straight to the tent, the backpack sitting in the middle of the floor as he set me on the bed. Cole appeared beside him with a bowl and cloth in it. _I’m not invalid, Solas. Just hungry._ He snorted and lifted the cloth, thanking Cole as he strained it. He pulled aside the layers of cloak and instead of placing it on my head as I thought he would, he stripped the shirts and tunic up to my ribs and laid it over my stomach. I might have come up off the bed save Cole holding my shoulders down. The cool rag placed there reacted through my entire body. The heat of shifting dissipated almost immediately.

I looked over at him then and he explained as he pulled the cloth away to lay back in the bowl. “Shifting doesn’t start at your head. You’d never lift it off the ground otherwise. It begins in the core of your body. You’ll feel the warmth there first.” He rang it out and placed it back and I jerked again. “Try to rest, ma vhenan.” He finished and finally met my eyes again as he lifted my hand into his and snuggled his face against the bared fingers. _Please._

_Solas_. He closed his eyes and kissed those fingertips and I sighed. “I’ll try.” I didn’t think I was tired. Riding for eighteen hours is a bit tiring but _I_ thought I was fine, but as I leaned back and Cole tucked a pillow under my head I was out.

[[[Solas sat there, by the bed, holding her hand in both of his for a long while.

“She sleeps now,” Cole whispered and smiled down at him.

“Thank you, Cole.” Cole grinned and disappeared.

He kissed her hand again and returned to his thoughts. _Did myself no favors again. She said we would go, that she wanted to stay with me and well and truthfully I didn’t want to part from her._ He sighed. _But I’m not sure…_another sigh_. Sure I am. I am one hundred percent sure that this trip will put her in danger. I am completely certain that I didn’t want to bring her before but now..._ He looked down at her stomach, exposed to the cool air and fought down a smile. He pulled the cloth away with one hand and tucked her clothing back down around her before he returned to holding her hand between his as he thought, _I don’t regret it though. Not in the slightest. _He smiled up at her sleeping face as he remembered her words.

_“Fen’Harel Enansal”._

He chuckled lightly again. _My gift._ He smiled up at her. _My precious Athena and her gift._ He knew he was grinning like an idiot and honestly could not bring himself to care.

He heard her coming after a while, could hear the distinct crunch of her booted shoes before Leliana stepped into the tent.

“Is she unwell?” Leliana whispered to him.

“She hasn’t really recovered from her flight to get the Inquisitor. She pushed herself pretty hard to get there and back as quickly as she did.”

“I’d wondered about that, to have them back in the same day.”

“Was there something you needed, Spymaster?” Leliana grinned at his back then.

“Her food is ready. Should I ask them to bring it by later?” He shook his head then.

“No. I’ll wake her. Please invite them in.” Leliana stepped to the side as he touched the girl’s face ever so gently after transferring her hand into merely one of his. “Vhenan.” She gestured the two men in quietly and instructed them to place the platters and get out quickly. Both men were obedient, though Leliana stayed to watch an extra moment.]]]

“Vhenan.” I groaned. I didn’t want to come awake yet. “Vhenan.” A stronger tug this time and I groaned as I opened my eyes barely. “You’re food is here, ma lath.” It was a gentle whisper and I’d rather fall back into the arms I was dancing with.

“Later.” He chuckled and released my hand. I thought he meant to let me return to sleep, but instead I suddenly smelled the steak and my stomach rumbled as he chuckled again. “Cheating.” It was a petulant whine and I’ll be the first to admit it but I was nearly as tired as I was hungry. Nearly. I opened an eye to look back up at his smiling face and I almost smiled. Then I saw the women’s silhouette against the door and the smile faded as the anger lashed through my body.

Solas looked confused a moment before he looked back. “Was there, something else, Spymaster?”

“No,” she said sweetly. “Merely wanted to be sure the dragon got fed. None of us care for the idea of travelling with a hungry dragon either.” She looked at me, bowed briefly and left.

Solas took my hand and I looked over at him. I hadn’t even noticed he’d turned back to me, I was so busy glaring at the door. “Do you need the cloth again, ma lath?” I pulled my hand back and sat up.

“I’m fine.”

“No. You’re angry,” he stated, lacing his fingers back through mine as he sat up on the bed, setting the platter on his lap, “which at the moment is not fine.” I snorted and used my loose hand to snag up a chunk of meat and snap my teeth into. He smiled at me.

I gulped down the food. “What?” I grimaced and threw him an apologetic look to which he only grinned deeper.

“Do you know how beautiful you are, stretched out on my bed? Any idea how hard it is to wake you? Not just to sit here, watch you sleeping peacefully, just to see you?” I smiled then.

“Just making me think of another song from my past.” I chomped into the meat again, though not nearly as hard and actually chewed it down a few times before I swallowed it.

“You’ll have to sing it for me as we eat.” I finished the slab and smiled at him.

“How do you imagine singing and eating works at the same time?”

“You eat your meals far faster than I do,” he grinned, “but then, you have reason.” I felt my face blush then. I sat silently a moment before he raised the hand still laced fingers to his lips. “Eat, Vhenan. You can sing for me after.” He released the hand then and I fell back into my mind a moment.

_More reason to. I suppose so, I mean, hell I know so. It won’t show for, I mean_, I scrunched my face thinking then, _do dragons show at all? I mean, I’ve never seen a picture of a dragon with a big belly like that, or it looks more like they have big bellies anyway so…_ I shook my head then and reached for another slab. _Probably going to have to start eating the green stuff too._ I heard him chuckle then, but I ignored it. _She’ll need it. I wonder if he will actually insist I ‘re-sing’ those tomorrow. _I glanced up at a smiling face. _Yeah, he will. Still amusing though. I didn’t honestly think I could sing that one. It’s been so long since I heard Washu’s Lullaby, I was kind of surprised myself that I remembered it._ I chuckled as I finished the slab. _Suppose I do eat a good bit faster. Old habits._ I felt my smile fade then as I looked down at the platters. I don’t know how long I sat there, before I felt his hand over mine and I blinked looking up at him.

The smile of before gone, replaced with a worried frown. _Athena?_ I smiled at him.

_Always gentle with me._ He let the smile touch his lips briefly. “I’ll be fine, ma lath. Just missing my father.” He set the trays down then and pulled me to him. “I’ll be fine,” I insisted. I only tried to pull away once, but his grip was as sure as it was gentle.

_Hush, My Heart._ He kissed into my hair a moment and it was only then that I truly realized that I’d been crying as I wiped my face clean.

_I promise, my love. I’m fine._

_ I know. I don’t need a reason to hold you._ He made the statement even though we both knew he had the reason this time. I smiled and snuggled down against him.

_Your food is going to get cold_, I finally said and he chuckled.

_Is food really what you want to talk about, my heart?_

_ I don’t really want to talk about it at all. I know where I got my habits._ I sighed. _I miss my father_, I repeated. _Sometimes just more acutely then others. And my emotions are a scrambled mess at the moment._ He smirked at that.

_What do you imagine your father would have made of me?_ I laughed then and looked up at him.

“A few tries to best you on the sparring mats and he’d be fine.” I couldn’t say it without laughing as I remembered watching the younger wolf toss around men like ragdolls.

“You think I’d win?”

“I’ve seen him fight, I’ve seen you fight. You’d school him as you did Forreh.” He blushed a little then.

“Wasn’t sure you’d remember that specific memory,” he said a little embarrassed.

“Why wouldn’t I? My wolf, taking all comers and smashing them back as fast as they come?” I grinned then. “A bit of a point of pride for me, ma lath.”

He took my chin in his hand and leaned down to kiss me, only to snuggle my forehead again after. “I,” he began and I purposely snapped my jaw shut and he chuckled. “Ar lath, ma vhenan.”

“Uh-huh.” We both knew what he was about to say and he grinned down at me.

_Still in range._ I chuckled then.

“Finish your meal, ma lath.” He smiled and sat up then. He pulled the platters back up onto the bed and I finished my last slab in a few bites and purposely took my time cleaning my fingers. I got a couple looks from him on that one, but I could hardly help it. One hand on fork, and one on knife, he had no free hand to snag me with, so taking my time was enjoyed.

“Finished?” he asked as I took the cloth and finished cleaning my hands with it. I grinned at him.

“Would you like me to continue?” He threw me a warning gaze and I chuckled.

“I would like you to sing for me,” he stated. I turned to face him.

“And what would the Lord Dread Wolf like sung to him this evening,” I asked over exaggerating my tone to a deeper register.  
“Don’t do that.” I smiled at him and shifted to lean over the platters to kiss him. I’d long learned he preferred me on my knees, just not in the way the rest of the Evanuris preferred their elves. I purposely stretched so the folds of the cloak would fall to the side as I leaned forward to kiss his fingers. He dropped the fork and snagged my jaw almost immediately yanking me up to a deeper kiss. He forced himself to stop it at one point and I met his eyes smiling.

_ I win._

He chuckled. “We just ate. Sing.” It wasn’t necessary a command, but it was a warning. A stitch in the side was no deterrent to a wolf whose mate was half as horny as he was. I chuckled and sat back.

“Answer the question.” He quirked that eye brow as he reached for his fork again. “What would you like me to sing?” He paused a moment.

“You said I made you think of a song earlier. Sing that one.” I chuckled.

_Not sure I have the vocal range for it._

_ Try._ He smiled up at me as he slid another forkful into his mouth.

_What I’d give to replace my tongue with that fork._

_ Later. Sing._

_ Mmm. Promises, promises._ He glared at me a moment and I chuckled. _Fine. _I sighed. _How did that one start?_ It took me a moment and then I grinned. _That was why._ I fell into then, just looking off around the tent. “I could stay awake just to hear you breathing, Watch you smile while you are sleeping, While you’re far away and dreaming. I could spend my life in this sweet surrender. I could stay lost in this moment, forever. Oh every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure. Don’t want to close my eyes, I don’t want to fall asleep, ‘Cause I’d miss you, babe, And I don’t want to miss a thing, ‘Cause even when I dream of you, The sweetest dream will never do, I’d still miss you, babe, and I don’t want to miss a thing. Lying close to you feeling your heart beating, And I’m wondering what you’re dreaming, Wondering if it’s me you’re seeing. Then I kiss your eyes, And thank god we’re together. I just want to stay with you in this moment for ever, Forever and ever. I don’t want to close my eyes, I don’t want to fall asleep, ‘Cause I’d miss you, babe, And I don’t want to miss a thing, ‘Cause even when I dream of you, The sweetest dream will never do, I’d still miss you, babe, and I don’t want to miss a thing. I don’t want to miss one smile, I don’t want to miss one kiss. I just want to be with you, right here with you, Just like this. I just want to hold you close. I feel your heart so close to mine, And just stay here in this moment, For all the rest of time. Don’t want to close my eyes, I don’t want to fall asleep, ‘Cause I’d miss you, babe, And I don’t want to miss a thing, ‘Cause even when I dream of you, The sweetest dream will never do, I’d still miss you, babe, and I don’t want to miss a thing. Don’t want to close my eyes. I don’t want to fall asleep, yeah, ‘Cause I don’t want to miss a thing.” I smiled as I remember how many times I’d play that song, how many hours I’d spent staring at the images, wishing I had the right to sing to him, to have him as the song too adequately describes, how many nights I cried knowing that what I wanted was beyond the realms of possible. I would live with my dream, my wish to belong to a fictional man, and I would die alone. I’d come to terms with it some years ago. I loved a man I could never have.

I smiled truly then and looked over as he sat back, his plate finished, smiling at me.

_ But I get to have him after all._ He grinned then and shifted the platters out of the way, then opened his arms and I curled down against him.

“It is a decent song. I can see why my words reminded you of it.” I chuckled and looked up at him.

“I wanted to sing you that song. I played it to the images I’d sketch of you, well before I came to Thedas, before Haven.” He smiled down at me.

_My mate, for years now you’ve been mine. I was only permitted to find out about when you got here. _I grinned then.

_Too true._

He ran his hand by my ear then, tucking back long loose strands. He smiled at me, a smile no words would ever fit, that just filled me up; I was warm and comfortable and his, and we would never be alone again. All those things seemed summed up in a smile as he looked down at me. “You truly have no idea, my love,” I cocked an eyebrow, worried I’d over stepped and he half-chuckled as he continued, “how very happy I am.” I smiled then too.

I could make him happy. He was happy because of me. A thrilling and easing thought all at once.

“You,” he began and leaned down to kiss me briefly, “my mate,” he drifted his hand down then and laid it on my stomach, “my gift”. He grinned then. “You’ve no idea how happy you make me.”

I couldn’t move, couldn’t speak then. I just laid there on his chest, tucked under his arm smiling up at him. _How to tell him? How do I tell him that, I do know? I do know how happy he is because the feelings don’t flow one way. How do I tell him that there are no words, no possible way to express how happy he’s made me? My dream come true, quite literally, just to lay here. Couple it with_, my hand laid over his then and I smiled up at him. _He’s given me so much, so much more than I could ever repay._ I looked away a moment as I felt my smile fade. _He said if I didn’t want but that’s as far from the truth as can be. I do, I do want. It hurt when he said that._

“Athena.” I looked up then to see him staring down at me and I blushed hard. He chuckled. “Forgot again?”

_A little._

He chuckled then slid a finger under my chin. “I never meant to hurt you, Vhenan.” I smiled and tried to shrug it off. “No,” he insisted and the smile faded. “I never meant to hurt you. You scared me is all,” he stated. He let his thumb stroke over my cheek then. “I thought you might, that you would do something that might hurt you.” He shook his head. “I’ll abide a lot, Vhenan. Not that.” I smiled at him and leaned into his hand.

“I would never ask you to. But it is my choice,” I stressed. He smiled then.

“Seems you’ve made it.” I grinned.

“Suppose I have.” I curled down against him just listening to his heart then. “My choice.” He squeezed me lightly to him and snuggled his head to mine.

“Rest well, Vhenan,” he whispered as I drifted back to sleep there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
Ar’an ama = We protect each other.


	18. Realizations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ending days journey to the Winter Palace are riddled with worries and frustrations for the Dread Wolf as the Dragon fights with her body and the magics that are not settling as he 'knows' they should.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story contains massive spoilers for the game. Please note, that if you are reading, I take no responsibility for ruining game plot you haven't gotten to yet.  
Also, I use multiple songs within the story. I do not claim ownership to these songs. All copyrights belong to the original authors. (I'm just a huge fan :P)

Chapter 18: Realizations

Morning comes too quickly and doubly so when you’re having pleasant dreams. I growled into wakefulness. At least someone had good sense and had breakfast ready when Solas woke me. I devoured my breakfast and helped him pack camp. He wouldn’t have me away from him again. He said until my body balanced out, but I doubted it would end there. Camp packed and the horses saddled and fed, loaded for bear we set out again.

My temper actually seemed worse today. We’d been traveling for the last ten days; we were finally in Orlesian territory. I knew we were getting closer but for ten days we traveled. For ten days, I sang as we traveled and for ten days I had to listen to Solas’ repeated excuse about my exhaustion. I knew why. It was none of their business, coupled with the fact that his magics had yet to ‘dissipate’ as he’d expected. Solas was of little help this particular morning as he was lost in thought most of the morning: more impossibilities he was trying to work out. 

I truly just didn’t feel like singing again. I suppose they had gotten used to it as a few others tried their hands at singing songs. Even got the Bull’s Chargers in on a few of them.

“What about it, Mistress Aethien?” Josephine called over and I shook my head. I just wanted off the horse, I wanted to be done riding, I wanted to understand what the hell was happening to my body, I wanted my lovers’ comfort, I wanted this damned trip to be over. I did not want, to sing.

“Oh, come on,” Leliana pressed. I jerked the reins up and dropped back, turning the horse about to retreat to the back of the army without another word.

“She tried to tell you she didn’t want that,” I heard Cole say as I trotted to the back. I was acutely aware that the marching patterns were generally made to keep the high ranking from losing their lunches. Animals in the wild do what they do, and when a horse is walking for eighteen to twenty hours a day, it handles its business on the go.

The smell was a bit unpleasant, I suppose that’s why I ended up guiding the horse off to the side, away from the army, away from the shemlins and all the irritations, save the one slow obedient one under me. I seethed for several minutes. It was warmer here, obviously reaching into spring but the stretch from Val Royeaux to the Winter Palace was expected to be another five days and was mostly desolate grounds. A few hills, no trees, no bush that reached above ankle height to a dwarf and sparse grass. It was desolate and it made the feelings worse. I sighed again.

_Come on!_ I just could not put a finger on what was pissing me off today. Something was, I just couldn’t find it. The angrier I got the worse my stomach seemed to pitch until I hauled in the horse to slide off only to throw up off the side of the road. The others were well ahead by the time my heaving stomach settled. Note, throwing up does not help one’s temperament.

[[[_Happy for it, yes. But that does not mean I am not confused, perplexed even by the results. Her body’s ability to heal the immediate pain was one thing but… None of this should be possible. Some things can be excused to her being dragon, but that does not explain why _my_ magic hasn’t dissipated or absorbed or done something other than contract around her. It’s a constant pain for her; a minor one to be sure but… She can’t hold it indefinitely. I could take it from her, but that might risk…I won’t do that. She is far too happy for the idea. I won’t do that unless it becomes dangerous for her. But there has to be a way, a reason why the magic isn’t absorbing like it should._ He sighed again. Solas had been racking his brain over this for the last few hours. He already knew horses were herd animals, it wasn’t like he had to pay attention to where he was going so long as he kept a horse on each side of his periphery. _But what if it does start hurting her? How do I fix that? I would give much to just sit and talk with Wisdom but the current _company_ may find that off-putting._ He scoffed. _Wisdom and Knowledge, I will need to visit both tonight. There just has to be a reason, a…I know she says there are no impossibilities. Maybe this is one of those things, but I won’t risk it. There has to be a way to explain this one. Too much could go wrong, too much could happen to her, if…_He sat up then and looked about him.

“Where is Aethien?” Solas asked as he felt his heart begin pounding in his chest as he continued searching faces across the horses.

“Seething, writhing, retching and then pain again; when will it stop?”

“Where is she, Cole?” There was no concealing his concern now.

“The bright one wanted song against her wishes and she withdrew. Better away, stupid shemlin hounds, pestering, bothering, prodding like I’m so toy for them to play with. Need to get away from them. Not safe here.”

“You don’t have to say it like that,” Leliana stated defensively. “I asked her to sing and she reined in and turned, probably to ride at the back.”

“She reined in and _probably_ rode to the back. Did anyone go with her?” Solas was trying to maintain his temper but how long had she been gone? What was happening? Was she alright now?

“No,” Leliana said as if it were the dumbest question asked. “Why would we?”

Solas bit down his remark, threw a single glare at the Spymaster then yanked his horse around to knee it forward. Most were wise enough to immediately make way, the others he dodged around.

Adaar watched him charge off and looked over at Vivienne then Bull. Vivienne scoffed but she did slowly swing her mount around.

“I gotcha boss,” Bull said and wheeled to follow Solas.

As he faced forward, Adaar caught Cassandra’s gaze from the corner of his eye and inclined his head to her. She merely smiled and shook her head before she returned to paying attention to staying seated. He’d never admit to her how much that single smile meant and he faced forward grinning then.

Solas bore down on his beast for a good distance. The army stretched a good kilometer back and it seemed for every hit of the front hooves, his mind raced faster with images of the thousand things that could go wrong. _Athena!_]]]

I sat there for a moment, reins still wrapped around my hand, both hands pressed to my forehead as I stared down at the ground. I couldn’t be sure if I was going to throw up again. My one knee pressed into the ground began to ache after a moment but I didn’t dare switch. Moving my head at all at the moment only made me feel worse.

I was kind of grateful Leliana had pissed me off enough to do this back here. I hated being doted on, especially when I was sick, even when I was little. I felt my stomach pitch again tried to breathe around it. “Come on. There’s nothing left to throw up,” I whined at my stomach. I heaved another few breathes in, that disgusted saliva taste hit just before I went to dry heaving for a moment.

I was shaking over that when I heard it. _Athena!_

“Ugh.” _Please, my love. Not now_.

[[[Solas hauled his horse in, prancing about beneath him as he passed the last soldiers. “Where is she?” he demanded.

“She rode back behind us for a while. Probably just had to relieve herself.” Solas glared down at him before he wheeled the horse into a trot. A few moments from then and he felt in, pulled on the old power and felt for her.

There were reasons Mythal had called him a hound, he could find anything he sought. His heart stopped a moment as he felt her, hunched over another kilometer back. He urged the horse into a canter then.]]]

I swallowed hard again as I tried to sit back. It was harder to hold the reins then. The horse was thankfully well trained and didn’t stray (thank you Master Dennett), but I couldn’t hold them anymore. I had less time this time between and in moments I was over again on my knees, my stomach curling back up into my spine as bile coated my throat and splattered mud about the previous deposit. _Suppose I should be grateful it isn’t coming out of my nose._ I thought as that wave passed. I didn’t dare move this time. Moving made it way worse. I swallowed again.

“Aethien!” I’d know that voice anywhere. He was worried.

_Here_, I called to him in my mind before I began retching again. I ended that one to looking up into a worried face as he turned me. _It’s okay. I think it stopped._ I swallowed hard again. _Horrible ass flavor though._ He scoffed and ran a hand by my face. I was freezing but apparently sweating profusely. “I’ll be alright, ma lath. Just give me a second.” I tried to sound reassuring but that is extremely difficult to pull off when you just did sixty minute abs in four and swallowed a liter of acid to go with it.

“At least the need to ask why you left has answered itself.” He held me up right another moment before that stale saliva taste hit again.

“Solas, move.” I pushed him away and fell over onto my knees to have my stomach retch hard enough to pull me off the ground. _Come on. There’s nothing there._ I would like to lie about it but I was crying, like a little bitch at this point. Not only was I sick and confused why I was sick, but I was sick in front of the one person I never wanted to see me this way. It hit again and I felt my hair come back. I tried to push my arm back to push him away then.

“There is no shame in it, knock that off.” He steadied his other hand to my lower back and I felt the healing magic course through my body slowly, soft as a cat’s belly fur across my skin.

I was trembling when that wave ended. I could feel the sweat all over my body then. _Good sign, I guess_, I thought briefly as my body felt the craving for water. I forced myself back onto my feet, not the proper way to sit, but at the moment proper could take a flying leap. I looked up then and I swear Vivienne was smirking at me.

“Well at least we know why she truly left. Poor thing was ill and didn’t want to advertise it. I can respect that.” She straightened. “Dust yourself off, darling. The Inquisitor is still waiting for you at the front.” Bull snorted.

“Yeah, and he’s going to keep waiting, or do they not teach you better in those Circles?” Vivienne threw him a haughty glare. “She’s dry. She isn’t going anywhere until she can hold water, or we’ll just be pulling her off the horse to do it again.”

_Usually I don’t care for the Qunari, but at the moment he might earn a modicum of respect._ I smiled lightly at the thought.

“Water does sound good,” I managed to get out, though my head started to feel the aftershocks. I knew that dry heaving would whiplash my whole body, but I didn’t expect to feel my head first. My attempt to reach up to ease it were caught; a swift gentle hand around my wrist and a shake of the head. _Not my head, the dragon._

_ Dragon’s don’t do well when ill._ I smirked then and let the arm drop.

“I’m exhausted, Solas. I just want water and sleep.” It was barely better than a whine for how I ached and his expression shifted briefly to the pained lover of before.

“I’ll get you water, stay,” he began but Bull squatted down beside him with a water skin, already open. “Thank you, the Iron Bull.” It was harder coming out but there was no lack of sincerity in it. “Are you familiar with water skins, Vhenan?” I smiled sadly then and felt the tear drop over my cheek.

“Leo.” He nodded.

“I should have figured.” He smiled and held it out to me. My attempt to take it though had him catching it up with another worried expression.

“Ir abelas, ma lath. I don’t know why I’m so fucking weak right now.” I hadn’t meant to cry, it wasn’t supposed to happen. He handed Bull back the skin to hold me for a moment and I swear it was the first time Vivienne’s voice didn’t sound like death incarnate.

“The poor thing’s exhausted. Here, Iron Bull,” she said, as I heard the saddle bags rustle and watched Bull stand for a moment. “Yes, it’s silver, but it’ll be lighter than that skin. Go on.”

Bull crouched back down then and poured the water from the skin into the goblet that looked tiny in his massive hands. “Solas,” he urged, tapping Solas’ shoulder with the base.

“Thank you.” It was a near whisper. I shook my head and tried to right myself.

“No. I’ll be okay. I just-”

“Hush, Vhenan. Drink,” he ordered as he held me, cup to my lips.

_I can lift the cup, Solas._

_ Drink._ He would brook no argument here and I felt as his arms trembled once against me, not perceptively if not pressed so tight. “_Please_, Vhenan. You need water. Drink.”

I sighed and let him basically spoon-feed me the water from the goblet for a bit. The dragon didn’t care for this part any more, though I couldn’t really deny the wisdom in it when the water first hit my stomach and my hands actually started shaking against him.

“It’s alright. Slow and easy.”

He was not the professional doctor and too obviously did not care if Bull or Vivienne saw the ‘weaker’ side of him.

_ No, I don’t care what they think._ He paused to stroke his fingers over my side a moment. _Nothing matters beyond you right now. Drink._ “You’re dry, Vhenan. Have you not been watering yourself when we stop to water the horses?” I smiled sadly and swallowed another sip.

“Probably not as often as I should.” I shook my head and felt the tears well again. This was embarrassing and pissing me off that every time I thought of something off I started crying again. What the Fuck?! “I just didn’t think about it.”

He tucked me tighter to him. “Be still, ma lath. Drink.” _You’re borderline hysterical and there is nothing more I can do but _sit _here._ He grit his teeth a moment and I heard Bull’s rumbling chuckle.

“Hey, Spellflinger.” Solas looked back at him. “She’s not going to die. Just a little sick and a bit dry. We can fix both.” Solas scoffed and half-smiled.

“He does rather look like she’s dying, doesn’t he?” He glared up over my shoulder then. She sighed audibly. “I will return to inform the Inquisitor that you three should be along shortly.”

Solas ignored her then and turned back down to me as I finished the cup. “Enchanter,” he called as she turned her horse and then tossed the cup to her. “Might want to hang onto that.”

“Hmph.”

Bull chuckled again. “Fire and Water. So what’s really wrong with her?”

Instead of answering, Solas shifted around me and had me up in his arms for a moment. “Could you tie her horse off behind mine, please, the Iron Bull?” he asked as he lifted me into the saddle. I leaned forward a moment to steady myself. I didn’t feel like I was going to throw up but my head was throbbing. I felt him vault up behind me then and the horse whinnied a reproach. “Silence, you,” he snapped down at it as he hauled the reins around.

“See you back at the front,” Bull said and Solas eased the horse forward. Even the walking motion made my head feel like it was going to slide off one of my shoulders. I tried to sit up for a moment.

“Solas.”

“I’m here, Vhenan.”

“I think I might pass out.” He shifted the reins into one hand then and tucked me closer to him.

“Lean back against me,” he urged and about as soon as my head started up to lean back, I blacked out.

[[[Solas caught her head and held it to his chest as he urged the horse forward to a trot. He tried to cork the feelings—the fear, the pain, the worry—as she knocked out, but the pulse in her throat was fine, normal for resting. She would be okay, but this random bout of illness. He sighed. Dragon’s don’t get sick, he knew that and stomach ailments are rough on an elven body. He kissed down into her hair and schooled his expression back down. Apparently he’d done well as Varric made a comment about ‘the old Chuckles being back’ as he reached them and slowed to the walk pace that Adaar kept everyone at.

“Will she be alright, Solas?” Cassandra asked once. He nodded, but said nothing else, his eyes never leaving the path.

_This was a mistake. I should never have let her convince me of this. We should still be at Skyhold, both of us there together._ He sighed.

“Is that why she’s been so ‘rawr’ lately?” Sera asked. He nodded again and again no sound, no movement otherwise. “Well, Blessed Andraste’s Granny Panties, someone found a way to shut ‘immup.” No scoff, no response, not even a rise from those around her, save Cassandra’s glare. “Wha?”

“Buttercup, some things aren’t joking material,” Varric advised.

“Wha’eva.”

They didn’t matter. She was settled in his lap, barely more weight than a soldier’s armor, tucked tight to him and all he could do was keep her from falling out of the saddle, keep her close as she rested. _A horrible mistake_.

The sun was setting and it seemed all looked to his horse, to the still unconscious elven-dragon in his lap and he fought to keep his expression clear. _Vultures! What matter her pain, her weakness?! You just want your convenience! The pretty song that was never meant for _you_!_

Adaar lead his stead to sidle alongside Solas’ then. “Solas.” No response. “Should we press on?” A corpse could have been sitting there for the response the words drew. “I mean, should we stop or would pressing on, closer to the Winter Palace be better? For her?” Solas’ head swung slowly around to glare over at him.

_You care?_ It was more than in doubt.

“I promised, Solas. What would be best for her?” Solas tried to think then, to clear his mind a moment of the worry, of the fear there.

“We won’t make it to the Winter Palace even if we were to press through the night,” he stated. “Better if we stop.” He pulled on the reins then as Adaar passed the order back. _Hm. He didn’t shout it like usual. Interesting._ It was all his brain could place before he returned to the lithe thing in his arms. _My Athena. So lost in my own thought, I had not thought to pay mind to yours._ Solas shifted her and lifted her across his thigh, then swung the other over and deftly dropped to the ground with her in his arms. He turned to the horse to see Adaar had its reins.

He spoke softly then. “Can you hold her a moment and I’ll get your tent up?” Solas nodded and Adaar nodded back in understanding. _I can only imagine how I’d feel were it Cassandra out like that_, Adaar thought as he loosed the straps and began pulling up the tent. He was proficient at it. The tent was up in minutes and he turned back to Solas. “Would you like more bedding for her, for padding?”

Solas graced him with a half-hearted smile then. “Thank you but no, Inquisitor. We’ll be alright.” Adaar nodded then stepped in and stretched the bedding out across the far wall before he held the tent flap open. Solas raised one eyebrow to him.

“Not like I haven’t seen the inside of your tent before,” Adaar excused. Solas nodded then stepped over to the bedding and laid her down as gently as he could. He settled himself on the floor beside her then. He only looked up again when Adaar came back in and set the backpack down against the back wall. Adaar smiled once at him then and left, but Solas’ gaze had already returned to his lover.

Sleeping peacefully now, there was hardly a sign of the earlier commotion, save the tear stains on her face and the cracking in her lip. He reached to the Fade briefly and touched her lips, healing them. She would need more water soon. He would have to wake her for that.

He grinned internally. _But I don’t want to miss a thing._ He sighed and took her hand in his, snuggling the knuckles to his lips. _My sweet Athena. What have I done?_

Adaar exited the tent to a smiling Seeker. Adaar shrugged. “What?” he finally asked uncomfortably, still keeping his voice low for fear he might wake the dragon. Cassandra broke into a grin and leaned up to kiss him on the cheek and he froze, hoping his blush didn’t show.

“You are a dear man,” she said with a smile and left. He stood there a moment before everything hit him and he forced himself not to jump in the air and shout.

_She kissed me? She kissed me. She kissed me!_ He coughed and cleared his expression, though he maintained a smile as he wandered the area, helping with tents and fires. It had become habit since their first night in Skyhold and he had found it got easier the more times he did it. He would occasionally drift back to the thought of Cassandra and grin before he would return to what he was doing but his smile seemed infectious as several around the camp began echoing it. The main bonfire set, as it had been the night she’d crafted it, he settled on a log and watched as all gathered food from the quartermasters and found seating. His primary companions did tend to sit with him around the bonfire though and tonight the empty spots seemed to ring through all present.

He’d been watching those spots for a while, so distracted by it that he didn’t notice Cassandra come up beside him until she nudged him with the bowl. “Thank you, Seeker Cassandra,” he said accepting the bowl as she sat on the log beside him.

“You are welcome, Inquisitor.”

All seemed to agree to eat in silence tonight. Solas emerged from his tent at one point to grab a water skin and a bowl of food. As he moved to return to his tent, Dorian called to him. “Solas. Would you grace us with your presence for a moment?”

“Give it up, you Tevinter piranha,” Vivienne slithered.

“I’ll have it answered and you’ll owe me fifty gold pieces.”

“Hmph.”

“Have what answered?” Solas asked. Even to his own ears his voice was devoid. He had no interest in the conversation or any of them.

“What’s really wrong with your girl?” Dorian half-stated in question. Solas glared down at him silently.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Cassandra barked. “She was ill. She needs rest and she will be fine.”

Dorian half laughed in disbelief then. “And _all_ of you believe that?”

“What do you want, Dorian?” Solas asked.

“A better education system for the South at the moment,” Dorian shot back. “None of you have figured this out.” Solas quirked an eyebrow and several of others looked at Dorian in confusion. “What do they teach in the South.”

“Get on with it, Tevinter.” Cassandra’s tone was a warning as much as a demand.

“Let me see if I can’t break it down so everyone can follow,” he began lifting his hand and ticking things off on his fingers. “First, the Lady Dragon is utterly in love with Solas; no one doubts that.”

“And that has _what_ to do with anything?” Solas growled.

Dorian ignored him and continued. “Second, they are almost constantly in each other’s company for the past few months. Third, she has emotions flaming in every single direction.”

“Solas warned us that her development might cause that,” Leliana stated.

He ignored her too to continue. “Fourth, the nausea that _always_ accompanies,” a dozen faces blanched then, “and Fifth, who hasn’t noticed her increase in diet.” He looked around waving his hands then as he shouted, “Am I the only one who is following?!”

A few faces blushed as the most uncomfortable of silences followed. Varric looked down into the fires seeming to screw his own mouth shut. Sera beside him stared open-mouthed at Dorian as Bull grinned but otherwise said nothing. Cassandra flushed horribly and suddenly became consumed with her bowl as Adaar beside her began putting pieces together almost noticeably. Leliana glared across the fire at Dorian as Josephine sat aghast beside her. Vivienne snorted her derision at the implication.

“One man’s opinion,” Vivienne stated and almost all eyes went to her in disbelief.

Solas stood silently until Adaar, one of the few who hadn’t turned to Vivienne turned up to him. “Is it true?” Solas could have been a statue at the moment for the response given. Adaar looked down and ran his tongue over his back teeth before he looked back up nervously at Solas. “Nothing he said is wrong, is it?”

Solas straightened and glared down at him. “What business would that be of the Inquisition, wrong or not?”

“I’m not trying to offend you, Solas, but I did promise my protection. If she, is she?” he pressed. It was not the demand of a military commander nor servant of their ‘faithful’, but the concern of one man to another. Solas glared down at him silently for a moment before answering.

“Yes.”

“Ha! Fifty gold crowns and you can deliver them straight to the dragon with my thanks,” Dorian said grinning at Vivienne who glared back.

“Sparkler,” Varric called.

“Yes, Varric.”

“Shut up!” All gasped back save Solas then as he stared down at the dwarf. “They obviously didn’t want to go announcing this so close your mouths.”

“Indeed,” Vivienne agreed. “You’ll get your money.”

Adaar turned to Solas then, an obvious question plaguing his face as he noticeably chewed on potential ways to ask. “Do, how, um,” he began and moved his hands about before he could finish. “When?” he finally settled on. “Is that a, um, polite enough question?”

Solas quirked an eyebrow though otherwise his expression was as bland as the day they’d met. “Polite yes, but you only have the beginning of a question, Inquisitor. When what?”

Adaar blushed noticeably then and mouthed a few half words before he looked up and pointed to Bull. “Qunari. Quanri woman gets pregnant, fifteen to eighteen months later, child.” He pointed then to Leliana. “Human woman gets pregnant, eight to ten months later, child.” He gestured to the tent then as he said, “Dragon?”

Solas squeezed his eyes shut and grit his teeth. This was working out to be a perfectly horrible evening. “There is no known number for that, Inquisitor,” he answered glaring down at the boy. “Dragons have been known to _incubate_,” he stressed.

“Yes incubate, that was the word, incubate,” Adaar said smiling then.

Solas half growled and Adaar smiled abashedly. “Six months to five years would be your range, Inquisitor.” Adaar’s was not the only eyebrows to raise to that one.

“Any mage could have explained that,” Vivienne stated. “A dragon’s mating times have never been successful concluded on as they vary so greatly.”

“For once we agree, Enchanter.”

Silence fell for a moment.

“So, does she know?” Adaar finally asked.

“Yes.”

“Did you know?”

“Yes.” The first time he’d kept it professional, the second it was elongated to make the point.

“Alright, alright,” Varric said and all turned to him. “Leave off with the questions for the father-to-be. They didn’t want to announce it so I doubt he wants to talk about it.”

“Oh, right. Sorry,” Adaar said quickly then turned to Solas and raised one finger. “One more question?”

_I am going to regret this._ “What is it, Inquisitor?”

“Does, can we, um,” he paused and swallowed and began gesticulating to his words again, “is there, I mean, anything we can, help?” Solas cocked an eyebrow then and Cassandra actually laughed and turned to Solas.

“I believe the Inquisitor means to ask if there is anything that any of us could do to help her?”

“Or you?” Adaar added quickly.

Solas smiled as he snorted. “If anything comes to mind, I’ll let you know, Inquisitor.”

“Okay.” He sat back like a child in time out. “No more questions.”

Solas sighed and walked back into the tent.

Cassandra turned to Adaar there and grinned. “You really have no experience with anything like that, do you?” Adaar sat back hard there and nearly everyone began laughing.

“I take it I messed up?” he finally asked as the laughter died down.

“Not at all, Inquisitor,” Dorian replied. “We all found your clear view enlightening.”

“Clear, there’s another word for naïve,” Varric added and Adaar blushed hard.

Cassandra placed her hand over his then and whispered to him, “Don’t let them get you down. You didn’t do anything wrong.” He smiled then.

“Hey. No dirty little secrets. Spill,” Sera called and Cassandra chuckled at her.

“You have stew on my face,” Cassandra replied and all laughed again as she tried to scrub off the seasoning that stuck to her cheek.

Solas entered the tent and growled lightly to himself.

“Your grace,” a whisper from the shadows. His gaze shot to the sound as he poised, posed to strike the voice.

“Step forward.” The Elf, nearly as large as himself stepped into the light of the door then and Solas sighed as he relaxed, and slapped a hand to the side of the other elf’s head to bring their foreheads together for a moment before he released him. “Forreh. A welcome sight for the night I’m having. What is it?”

“I wanted to let you know that everything is prepared as she instructed, Dre-” Solas half-glared at him and Forreh grinned, “Solas.”

“Thank you.” Forreh paused and Solas quirked a brow. “Something else?”

Forreh chewed his tongue a moment and then looked up his three centimeters to Solas. “Is it true?” The other eyebrow met its mate. “About the girl?” he said gesturing down to the sleeping dragon.

Solas smiled softly then and Forreh grinned.

“You’ve finally met a woman worth your hair.”

Solas looked over at her. “She’s worth far more than that.”

“When do you think…?”

“It’s anyone’s guess,” Solas scoffed lightly. “This could all be over before and it wouldn’t amaze me. She’s the largest dragon I’ve ever seen.” Forreh’s eyebrows both went up. “You’ll see eventually, of that I’m sure.”

The eyebrows came down and Forreh set a hand on Solas’ shoulder. Solas looked down at the hand then up at his friend. “What is it?” Solas smiled then. Forreh would pick up on it.

“I’m worried. I’ll speak with Wisdom and Knowledge tonight if possible.” Forreh cocked his head to the side. “The magics aren’t absorbing.” Forreh’s eyes went wide then.

“Can you take them out?”

“That was my first thought too, but I don’t know if I can without,” he trailed off. Forreh was silent a moment then he nodded and dropped his hand.

“Wisdom will know. Wisdom always knows.”

Solas smiled over at him. While it was mostly true that was not the only reason Forreh believed so. “Still trying?”

Forreh grinned. “Everyone has their vices.” He looked down a moment before meeting Solas’ gaze again. “Will we get to see the new heir?” Solas scoffed.

“Heir? I’m sure you will get to see the child, but when this is over, the three of us will find some secluded hut somewhere and the world can handle itself at that point.” Forreh grinned.

“You truly lover her?” Solas quirked a brow. “You’ve never planned for after,” he explained and Solas smiled softly, returning his gaze to his lover.

“She is my mate.” Forreh grinned.

“I should go,” he finally said.

“Thank you for the update.”

“See the three of you soon.” With that, Forreh disappeared into the shadows.

Solas turned and sat by her, setting the water skin against the side of his leg as he sipped his cold soup. _I’ll finish this first. Then I’ll wake her for her water._ He stared down smiling at her through his meal.

She barely came conscious enough not to choke on the water when he did wake her but slipped right back into sleep. He kept telling himself not to worry. He would jump to the Fade, check on her briefly and find Wisdom. He stripped the tunic off and snuggled down against her. It became much easier not to worry as she curled herself in against him. _I will never tire of that_, he thought as he wrapped his arms around her and drifted into the Fade.

He never got to check on her as when he stepped into the Fade, Wisdom was waiting.

“Fools out of the wisest of men,” she repeated smiling at him.

“Please, no games,” he begged her. “Do you know why the magic isn’t absorbing?”

“Yes, and you do too.”

“Please.”

“It’s protecting her, fool wolf,” Wisdom nearly barked. Solas sat back stunned then. “Yes, just like your Veil, it’s containing the magics of your child so the child doesn’t accidentally kill the mother since both parents are such extreme magi.” Solas sat stunned a moment.

_A Veil, within._

“Of the wisest men.” She chuckled then. “Feel for it, it will make you feel better.” Solas reached out to her body to find she was dreaming of dancing with him and he grinned. “Feel for the barrier.” Solas looked down and noticed that even in the Fade, she kept a minor barrier almost completely against her skin.

“If you’ll excuse me,” Solas stated and stepped into her dream to the sound of Wisdom laughing. He stepped into himself in her dream and danced about with her for a moment before the song ended and he held her there, smiling down at her.

“What should we dance to next?” She was just staring up at him, the same loving smile and the world didn’t matter around her. He leaned down and kissed her. It was her dream, he should not be interrupting but…

“Ar lath, ma vhenan,” he whispered and sat back to slide to his knees and nuzzle her stomach. “Ma enansal.” She chuckled.

“She’ll need a name eventually, wolf.” He smiled.

“Leaving that to me then?” he asked smiling up at her as he felt his own magics shielding the child within. _It is, exactly like the Veil._ He grinned. _My mistake made into something much more useful._ She chuckled and he closed his eyes to nuzzle her stomach again. _Let me live for the sound of your laughter, my heart._

She reached down and cupped his face in her hands, smiling down at him, that adoring smile that he loved so. “We created her together, we’ll name her together.” He grinned.

“Her?”

“Just a hunch,” she said softly and he stood and kissed her.

_Your hunches are rarely wrong._ He smiled as he looked down at her then, playing through a hundred names that he discarded quickly until she began laughing and he looked back down.

“She doesn’t need a name this moment, wolf.” She was still laughing as she said it and he grinned at her, before cupping her face in his hands and holding her just out of kissing range.

“You make me so happy, Athena. I’ve never known this joy.” She smiled at him, though her eyes misted and he dashed away the tears. “No tears, ma vhenan. You are worthy of so much more than tears.” He kissed her then for a moment.

“Will you still dance with me?” she asked then as the tears continued. “When I get to big to hold this way?” He grinned.

“I will teach you new dances then, dances that don’t require you face each other,” he smiled as he remembered her words and quoted them back to her, “But look together in the same direction.” She did cry then. Curled against him crying, denying the comfort, saying she was just so happy, but it still hurt him to watch, so he curled with her and snuggled her until the crying abated.

“Solas?”

“Vhenan?”

“This isn’t, just a dream, is it?” She asked and he grinned as he held her back so he could see her face.

“No. It was. I apologize that I entered your dream,” he said then, tucking that ever persistent hair back. “I just, didn’t want to miss anything.” She grinned up at him then and he heard it playing in the background of her memories. “I prefer your voice for it,” he stated as he pulled her to him in their standard waltz pose and began dancing to the music.

“Solas.” She was nearly giggling saying his name then.

_My precious symphony. _ She smiled up at him then as they danced to songs that came to mind for her.]]]

I woke to the sound of a voice in the tent and tried to sit up, only to find a strong arm holding me down. My immediate panic ebbed as I heard, _Peace, my heart. It is only time to rise_. I settled back and looked up to see him smiling down at me.

“We’ll be out shortly, Commander,” Solas said.

“Of course, and,” Cullen paused and coughed slightly, “congratulations.” Solas tensed before answering.

“Thank you.” Cullen left then and I looked up at Solas curiously.

“Afraid the nug escaped,” he stated and that only confused me more.

“What?”

He looked at me a moment. “Paraphrased, Dorian figured out you were pregnant and decided to announce it last night.”

“Oh,” I said and blushed and then laughed. “I get it. The nug escaped would be the equivalent of the cat’s out of the bag.”

“Why would you put a cat in a bag?” Solas asked and I looked up to see a completely serious confused face and chuckled.

“It’s an expression, ma lath.”

“I understand that, but expressions have roots. Why would anyone put a cat in a bag? A nug belongs in a cage, it’s where they live. Do cat’s live in bags in your world?” I couldn’t help, I burst out laughing.

After a moment, I got my laughter under control. I took his face in my hands and kissed him then. “No, ma lath. It is simply an expression that means a secret has been found out. I couldn’t tell you where it came from.” I smiled. _Gods but you are the light of my life._ I leaned up to kiss him again and felt him lean into it. He rolled us in that kiss onto my back and sat up over me, only to scoot down and snuggle my belly. I giggled then at how adorable he looked, just cuddled against my stomach smiling up at me.

_I have an answer, my heart. I know why the magic isn’t dissipating or absorbing finally._

_ Why?_

_ My magic is shielding you from the magic of our daughter._ He touched my stomach and his magic responded as readily as the Veil and I quirked an eyebrow at him. _Exactly._ He grinned up at me. _Without knowing, a Veil of sorts was created to shield you from the baby’s magic as it grows._

_My daughter will mage too then?_

_ Was there doubt?_

_ It’s one thing to think it and another to confirm it, Solas._ He slid up over me, taking my face in his hands and kissing me soundly.

“Wisdom confirms it,” he whispered and my heart leapt. He grinned as his watched his right hand drift to my lower abdomen, and then he looked back up at me as he placed it, almost reverently there. “My girls.”

I started crying then and immediately started getting angry. _Seriously?! I’m happy, I start crying; I’m angry, I start crying; I’m tired, I start crying. What the bloody end of wit’s peat?!_ I didn’t even care that that wasn’t technically cursing or that I was mixing nearly five phrases but my frustration at least got me to stop crying, and him to start chuckling.

He smiled down at me a moment before he seemed to remember others were waiting. It also brought his mind out of our dreams and back to yesterday. “Do you think you feel well enough to ride?”

I glared up at him then. I knew the only other way we were moving forward. “If you think you’re putting me on a litter, I have news for you, _wolf_.” He chuckled.

“Horse it is,” he said with a smile.

“Bet your ass.” He quirked a brow and I chuckled. “Another expression, ma lath. I’ll explain later,” I stated as I moved to sit up. His attempt to help met him with a glare which he returned.

_My right_. I sighed.

_ Fine._ He chuckled.

“Is it so hard to accept, Vhenan?”

“I’m used to doing for me. You know that I’ve been more or less alone since I was thirteen. I didn’t _have_ others to do for me, to help me.”

“But now you do,” he interrupted and I fought the urge down.

_I’m not crying every time he says something. Knock that off._ He reached down and took my face in his hands.

“Just promise me they are not sad tears.” I smiled up at him.

_You cannot understand, my Solas, how _very_ happy you make me._ He grinned then.

“Keep that in mind for the next few hours.”

“Why?” I asked drawing out the word in an obvious ‘explain’.

“You will see. Come,” he said stepping over me to help me to my feet. “Let’s get you fed.”

“You need to eat too, wolf.” He grinned.

“I do. But I only have to eat for one.” The grin seemed placed to his face a moment and I couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Alright. Food first, then I’ll help pack up.”

“No,” he stated. I glared up at him then and my canines almost automatically aligned. “You will go find our horse. I will pack.” I felt my heat kick up. “I will not debate this, Athena,” he whispered down to me, holding my face in his hands as he snuggled the dragon skull. “There are just too many times you have to ‘bend and twist’ as you said packing camp.” He grinned down at me then as his eyes came open. “I’m a big boy. I can pack my own tent.”

I snorted then and he did probably the one thing I didn’t expect, he kissed the tip of my nose, which in turn had me shake my head and lean back, but it fully distracted me from my glare and he grinned. _You win this round, my wolf._

“As long as I am yours, you may have as many ‘rounds’ as you like.” I smiled then, I tried to stay angry but his grin was truly infectious.

“Food, then I’ll try to _behave_ like a good wife.” He chuckled.

“Keep your wife. Give me my mate.” He finished the phrase then burned a kiss into my lips I’d remember most the day.

As he stepped back from that I threw a glare up at him. _Try to remember that pregnant does not equate to ‘not wanting more’._ He grinned then.

“Duly noted, though it will have to be contained.” He shifted expression then. “We are four days from the Winter Palace.” I shivered then and nodded, the glare and grins fading.

“I am ready,” I stated then and he smiled briefly.

“Unfortunately, we have no choice but to find out. I imagine,” he began and tucked that hair behind my ear again, “it will be a most interesting week.”

I cocked my head to the side.

“What is it, Vhenan?”

“Week?” It was his turn to cock his head.

“Yes,” he answered as if it should be obvious. He paused. “The Spring Festival at the Winter Palace is always a week-long event.” My expression dropped as quickly as the lead ball in my stomach. “How long did you think it was for, Vhenan?”

“In the,” I paused and wet my lips, “In the stories, it was only a single day that is detailed.” I began shaking my head then and his grip tightened slightly, his gaze found and held mine.

“Adaar has ordered a half dozen scouts to keep an eye out for and around you there. And you will be with me, always.” I nodded choppily though my heat seemed to be dissipating into the air. “You need food. Come.” It was no longer a request, and the hands on my face dropped to a hand behind my lower back until we were out of the tent, and then linking my arm and his. He led me to the remnants of the bonfire and sat me down with instruction to remain and then sought out the quartermaster.

I couldn’t have moved anyway. The thoughts racing through my head had me near paralyzed. I could brace up for a day, swallow down their insults and down talking and other etunash, but…but a week? _Breathe, Athena. Breathe._ I started just trying to count my breath then in six counts. By the fifth set, I started panicking. Nothing I knew was working. _Fly. I have to fly._

“No,” Cole said from beside me, setting a hand on my shoulder. “You should not fly. He is afraid you will try and it will ‘contort’ your body and hurt her.” I nodded then and shivered. Cole wrapped a fur over my cloak then. “He’ll be back in a moment.” I smiled at him, though weakly. “Will you sing?” I sighed away from it. “I don’t want to push you, but it does make her happy to hear you sing.” He grinned then. “It makes me happy too. Flipping, flying, falling on soft words like goose down and rising high over the sky to see stars not charted before. It is beautiful.” I smiled at him then and patted my thigh. He grinned and sat beside me, snuggling into the velvet.

_I wonder if…_

“Yes,” Cole answered. “She will like to snuggle too, just like you.” I grinned at him then.

“Which song would you like, dear Cole.” He smiled at me.

“The girl of fourteen years.” I grinned at him then and nodded.

A deep breathe and I closed my eyes as I remembered the opening chords. “There was a lady in her father’s garden, A brisk young sailor came passing by. He stood awhile and he gazed upon her, And he said ‘young lady, won’t cha marry I?’ ‘Oh, I’m not a lady, but a poor wee girl, And a poor wee girl I have owed to be, Therefore young man you may try some other, For a serving girl I’m not fit to be’. ‘Oh I have houses and great big living, And plenty money for to set you free. If you’ll come home I’ll make you my own and, You’ll have servants to wait on thee’. ‘Its seven years since I had a sweet heart, And seven more since I didn’t see’im, Seven more I will wait upon him, For if he’s alive he’ll come home to me’. ‘Well it’s seven years since you had a sweet heart, And seven more since you didn’t see’im. Seven more you will wait upon him, Perhaps this young man you may never see’. ‘Oh if he’s sick I wished him better, Or if he’s dead I wish him rest, But he’s alive I will wait upon him, For he is the young man that I love best’. He put his hands into his pockets, His linen white fingers seeming thin and small, And up he came and he pulled the bull ring, And when she saw it she down did fall. He lift her up into his arms, And gave her kisses quite tenderly. Saying ‘I’m your young and your single sailor, I’ve been many years on the ocean tossed’. ‘Well if you’re my own and single sailor, Your face and features seem strange to me, But seven years makes great alteration, On the raging seas between you and I’. So come all ye fair and tender maidens. Don’t smite your sailors whilst they’re at sea. When they come home they’ll make you their own and, They’ll bring you over to Americay.” I opened my eyes and the cool comfort of singing dispersed like a fine mist on a hot summer day. The peace of singing to Cole and my daughter burned off by the dozens of on lookers. I felt my jaw align until the whole of my vision became my lover who stepped into it to smile down at me.

“Cole inspiring you to sing again?”

“Inspiring me not to panic and try to fly regardless.” The gaze was back again. “I didn’t do it. Stuff that gaze somewhere else.” He snorted by his eyes did soften if slightly. He knelt then in front of me and held out a dish of cheese and bread. I accepted it and he sat beside me a moment.

“I’m glad Cole was here,” he finally said. “It really isn’t safe for you to be shifting right now.”

I swallowed down a mouth of the strange bread and looked over at him. “I want to fly, Solas. I feel constrained in this body at times.” He smiled over at me.

“I do understand, Vhenan.” I smiled at him then.

“The call of the spirit?” He nodded, absently fingering the wolf bone on his necklace, and I slipped another piece of cheese into my mouth. He sighed looking down at the platter.

“Sadly, we’ll have to wait for the Palace to get you proper fruits. The quartermaster didn’t have any.” He sounded outright apologetic and I grinned.

“You do realize that I’ll be fine without them, right?” He smiled at me.

_If I can help it, my heart, you won’t be without them for long. I’ve already sent word back to Skyhold to have a few people find the fruits that will help you best._ I grinned and leaned over to kiss him.

I sat back and snuggled my head to his as he did. “You will spoil me.”

He scoffed. “I have said it before but it bears repeating, the men of your world were _idiots_.” I smiled up at him.

“Good thing I’m not in that world anymore then.” He smiled then too.

“A very good thing.” He sighed. “I’m going to go pack the tent. Stay here?” I cocked my head to the side.

“What are you eating?”

“Dried meat while we ride. It’s a bit tough on the teeth but I wanted to be sure you got something solid on your stomach before we began today.” I smiled up at him then and shook my head.

“I begin to get the feeling I’m bound to this life style, like or not.”

“My right, Vhenan. You know yours.” I couldn’t help but grin.

“I suppose.” I sighed. “I will wait for you, ma Lath. Be swift.” He smiled then and walked off.

I looked down at the remaining platter and smiled. The bread seemed to at least be setting for now. The cheese was a little more aged then the ones at Skyhold and tasted richer. I wasn’t sure what the blackened bits were. I smelled them and immediately pushed them away. My stomach nearly lost the bread at the smell. I steadied myself and nibbled on the bread for a little while but as I finished what I could off the tray and set it on the log beside me, one of Leliana’s scouts seemed to just appear and take it. I quirked an eyebrow at his back as he disappeared again into the crowd of people preparing to leave.

I sighed. I just didn’t belong here. I felt the ache to that thought and willed him my love. I just had nothing to do, nothing I could help with or be a part of…I grinned then. _Other than his life. Worth it._ I watched them working like bees and the song just started playing in my head then. _Why not? Not like I’m doing anything useful._ I closed my eyes and tried to remember the movie papa used to watch with me when he was home. It was a good image to think on for my girl.

“In every job that must be done, There is an element of fun. You find the fun and snap! The job's a game. And every task you undertake, Becomes a piece of cake. A lark! A spree! It's very clear to see that, A Spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, The medicine go down-wown, The medicine go down, Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, In a most delightful way, A robin feathering his nest, Has very little time to rest, While gathering his bits of twine and twig, Though quite intent in his pursuit, He has a merry tune to toot. He knows a song will move the job along – for, A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, The medicine go down-wown, The medicine go down, Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, In a most delightful way. The honey bee that fetch the nectar, From the flowers to the comb, Never tire of ever buzzing to and fro. Because they take a little nip, From every flower that they sip, And hence, They find, Their task is not a grind. For a Spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, The medicine go down-wown, The medicine go down, Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, In a most delightful way.” Cole smiled at me as I opened my eyes again.

“She’s a nice lady.”

“I thought so too.”

“One more?” I grinned at his adorable expression.

“Very well. One more.” I sighed then and tried to think. _What’s a good work song?_ I chuckled at my own answer. It may not translate well, but the tune works for it. _Why not?_ “Whenever I feel afraid, I hold my head erect, And whistle a happy tune so no one will suspect I'm afraid. While shivering in my shoes, I strike a careless pose, And whistle a happy tune and no one ever knows I'm afraid. The result of this deception is very strange to tell, For when I fool the people I fear, I fool myself as well. I whistle a happy tune, and every single time, The happiness in the tune convinces me that I'm not afraid. Make believe you're brave, and the trick will take you far. You may as brave as you make believe you are. You may as brave as you make believe you are. The result of this deception is very strange to tell, For when I fool the people I fear, I fool myself as well. I whistle a happy tune, and every single time, The happiness in the tune convinces me that I'm not afraid. Make believe you're brave, and the trick will take you far, You may as brave as you make believe you are, You may as brave as you make believe you are.”

“No more fear, Vhenan.” I opened my eyes then to stare up into the loving blue gaze I knew too well. I looked over his shoulder to a packed horse and quirked a brow. “If you think I will _ever_ interrupt you singing, Vhenan, we really need to discuss more than I thought.” I smiled then and rose.

He turned to the second horse then and lifted me onto its back. _Ye-ah. I don’t do side-saddle_, I thought briefly before swinging my leg over to the grin of my mate. He stepped up into his own saddle then and turned his horse to ride beside mine.

_At my side?_

_ Always._ He grinned then and urged his horse forward and as I urged my horse forward a pace behind him he sighed heavily.

“Vhenan, beside not behind,” he stated. He was seething though he kept his tone controlled. I urged the horse forward to pace beside him then.

“Why does it bother you so, Solas?” I watched him growl a moment before he set his expression.

“I will answer that with a single question I pray will be enough. How is a man to protect something that is kept in the single place he cannot see?” I grinned and chuckled then.

_I suppose you have a point. I just hadn’t thought of it that way._ I sighed then. “Please understand that I mean no offense, ma lath.” He sighed then and nodded. “It is just what I know. A woman to walk a pace and half behind her man, to show her respect for his leadership. I apologize if that gives offense. I just don’t know another way.”

He settled to the explanation and threw a small smile over to me. “I will teach you, Vhenan. You belong at my side.” He straightened and in Ancient Elven added, “The position to walk a hand and a half behind is for a high ranking slave.” I grinned.

“Then I will walk at your side, my wolf, for I am no slave.” He grinned then.

We rode to the front where Adaar and his companions were waiting; he wanted to give the people a few more minutes before we moved out.

_For a group of soldiers, they’re rather undisciplined_, I observed and Solas smirked.

_You think their Commander comes down on them for not waking up on time?_ I smiled then and waited, watching as many scurried about like rats.

“Will you sing for me, while we wait?” Solas asked and a dozen faced looked our way.

I scoffed. “I will sing for you tonight. I tire of singing for fools.” He smiled.

“As you would have it, Vhenan. Tonight then.” Deflated wishes all the way around.

Silence fell for a few moments. “So, um, Solas,” Adaar began and my lover looked over as I scanned the army assembling.

_My father would have put half these men through hell for their lack of discipline. ‘A military unit, regardless of what kind, should move as a single form’. _ I shook my head. _These men couldn’t figure out what it would mean to move as one._

Solas smiled as he asked, “Something I can help you with, Inquisitor?”

Adaar cocked a half-smile. He opened his mouth to ask the question at least a dozen times before air followed the movement. “Is, can,” he swallowed, “I want to increase our pace today. I have a few that I’d like to have in real beds as soon as possible.”

“Thank you, Inquisitor,” Vivienne slithered.

“I certainly won’t object,” Dorian mimicked.

“None of us will, Tevinter, but that is not what the Inquisitor is trying to say.”

Adaar blushed hard and then met Solas’ eyes. “Will she be alright to ride a bit harder today? Or would it, be wiser to walk the horses?”

Solas smiled. “I think you’re asking the wrong elf, Inquisitor. What say you, Vhenan? Can you ride harder.” I grinned over at him and Adaar coughed hard. Solas threw a warning gaze at me and I chuckled.

“I have said before, ma lath, I am no invalid and I can ride better than _you_ can.” The last came out as a hard snap and Adaar leaned back, he didn’t quite step back but he was ready to.

Solas chuckled. _A bold statement._ “She says she can ride harder today. How hard would you like to push it?”

Adaar nodded and righted slightly though he still looked up at me in terror. “If, she’s alright with it, I was thinking a lope or a canter between resting walks and splitting the watering down to five hour increments for the horses.”

Solas nodded, it was relatively sound. “I’m no horse expert, but I would think too much water on a horses stomach might make it worse. I would keep the increments to stop and drink at six hours, but the rest should be manageable. Vhenan?”

I snorted. “I could take this thing at a gallop and meet you there.” He glared at me then.

_Not going to happen._

“Ugh. Fine, a canter and let’s be on with it. Watching these sculleries pretend to be soldiers is becoming irritating.” Solas chuckled then.

“She agrees, though she insists we leave soon. She is not pleased with how long it is taking ‘soldiers’ to ready themselves.”

“Can she do better?” Cullen snapped. I glared over at him and went to raise one hand which my lover quickly covered with his and shook his head. “Do I want to know what she was about to do?”

“Probably not,” Solas stated glaring at me.

“I was going to do _better_,” I said smiling at my lover. It was not the smile that screamed adoration or love, but the smile that said ‘move your hand and I’ll fix this quickly’. Instead he sidled his horse closer and laced his fingers in mine.

He only glared at me another moment before he looked out over the half collected camp. _I will agree that is taking longer than I’d care for, but I worry over what you call ‘better’._

“Shall we make it easier then, ma lath?” I asked smiling at him, a much more pleasant smile.

“How do you think you could make it easier, Vhenan?”

“An example; bring me three of any of those soldiers. I will make my point, without harming any of them.” He sighed.

“Well?” Cullen asked.

Solas looked down at me a moment before he looked back up at Cullen. “She says she could demonstrate with any three of your soldiers out there why it is irritating her and without harming a single one.”

Cullen scoffed. “This I have to see. Hugh! Rodrick! Cara!” The three half trotted over.

_All human, go figure_. I looked down at them. “Order them to present, draw their swords together.”

Solas relayed my request.

“Draw your swords,” Cullen ordered. “She wishes to inspect.” They each drew, not stumbling to get out of the sheath but at three different times and I sighed a half growl. All eyes went to me then.

“Pathetic.”

“Vhenan,” it was a warning.

I looked over at Cullen then. “An army’s strength lies in its unity.” I contained the heat as Solas relayed.

“You do not think them unified?” Cullen challenged. I set my hands before me and pulled the Veil into a partially opened field to show the scene of the Viking combat, to show the shield wall mastered after the attacks of the Romans, the unity of knowing the man beside you was just as committed to living as he was to keeping you alive, the unity that pushed forty through the norman ranks of nearly double that size with a single loss and decimation for the normans. A single two minute clip and I released the Veil then and glared at Cullen.

“Scullery versus soldier.”

“Vhenan.”

My glare switched to my lover. “Your maids can draw pract. Your soldiers should not look like _that,_” I finished gesturing to the three that didn’t even stand together. The glare shifted from Solas down to Adaar then until Solas hand turned my face.

In Ancient Elven he said, “Leave them to their ways.” The fire coursing my veins began to soften. “Better to fight an unprepared enemy.” I nodded and let it go, turning my horse to the empty expanse in front of us.

“Tell them to step it up,” I grumbled as I paced my horse away from the others at a slow walk.

“She wishes solitude a moment and says to have you instruct the army to hurry on.”

Adaar nodded and turned then to his horse. He mounted and turned to the army, Cullen fuming at his back. “Pack it up tight! You have fifteen minutes! What’s packed is kept, what isn’t gets left! We ride hard today! Pack it up tight!”

As he turned back to his companions, before he could say anything else, Cullen asked, “You’re just going to do whatever the elf says?”

Adaar glared over at him and paced his horse directly in front of Cullen’s. “The elf has more power in one hand than every mage of Orlais or Tevinter together, blood magic included. I prefer living, Commander, and that elf there,” he stated point over at me, “could ensure only too easily that either I live or my enemies do. I’d prefer it be me. For where I will spend the next ten days, I would rather not give _her_ reason to be angry with me.” Cullen looked confused and Adaar snapped at him then. “A single word from her and the Inquisition dies, right there, at the Winter Palace. She knows us all, our secrets, our hopes, our wants. She could destroy the Inquisition in a single conversation with any of the _many_ that will be there that I promise you, Commander, _want_ us to fail.”

“Why would any at the Winter Palace,” Cullen began but Adaar cut him off.

“She’s already warned me, through Solas, to keep my eyes open for the Venatori that _will_ be there.” All sat back shocked then. This was the first any were hearing of it and it didn’t sit well with some. “I have _complete_ faith in one thing, Commander.” Cassandra looked over at him then as he paused but he hardly noticed. “If that woman sees fit, every person in the Inquisition,” he paused then staring Cullen down with a mixture of fear and resolve, “will die.”

“If you think she’s dangerous, then why wasn’t she made Tranquil?”

“Because she doesn’t need magic to be dangerous,” Adaar growled. “You’ve seen it yourself. That dragon without magic goes back to its original form and I’d rather deal with the _elf_!”

“I’m with the Inquisitor here, Curly. Trying to make her or Solas Tranquil at this point seems like a good way to become dragon hors d’oeuvers.”

“So we just cow under for her?”

Adaar snorted. “You want to pick a fight with a dragon, you go ahead.” Cullen sat shocked a moment at the desolation in Adaar tone. “I did that once and almost lost a friend in doing it. I won’t do it again,” he stated and Cassandra smiled at him as she remembered. The High Dragon had been the only dragon they had fought, despite seeing several others in their travels. He respected the dragon as much as he respected the bear or wolf. As long as it left him alone, he would leave it be.

_Pity how he’ll die_, I thought briefly then smiled out at the expanse of broken land before me. _He’ll still die better than Cullen will, I can promise that._ Solas’ horse came into view and I cleared my face. _I don’t want to talk about it right now._

_ I had no intention to insist._ I glanced over at him and he faced forward as well. I felt his energies brush my stomach and I smiled gently then.

_She’s fine, Solas. My temper doesn’t get to her. Your mini-Veil sees to that._ His mouth came up in a half smile for a moment.

_Better they be unprepared, my heart._ I nodded then in understanding.

_What dies fighting Coreypheus won’t have to die when the Veil comes down, I get it. I just hate seeing shotty work is all._ He did smile then and looked over at me.

_Should I tell her?_ I met his gaze then.

_Tell me what, my love?_ I know I looked concerned and he side stepped the horse then to reach up and touch my face.

_We had a guest last night, while you slept._ My eyes came open wider. _Nothing to worry over, my heart. My soldiers are pleased I’ve ‘found someone worth my hair’._ I smiled then and tried not to laugh.

“They approve of me?”

“As much as they can without testing grit, but the fact that I’m happy seems to help significantly.”

I sat quiet a moment before I looked up at him again. “Will I get to meet them?”

He chuckled then. “Interesting to hear almost the same question in less than twelve hours.” I smiled then as I understood and nodded. “I suppose so, when all of this is over and Coreypheus gone.” He faced me then. “Likely.” I smiled at him.

I hadn’t meant to think it so loud but it seemed almost to echo in my mind as I sat silently on my horse, just smiling at him, at the face I’d loved for years. _I never knew it was possible to love someone so much._ He grinned then and tucked that hair back.

“Neither did I, Vhenan.”

[[[“When did you plan to inform _us_ of this Venatori threat?” Leliana asked after a moment of stunned silence.

Adaar shifted slightly in his saddle. “Tomorrow or the day after, before we got there but with time for me to figure out how to explain everything I was told.” He struggled to sit up straight as he remembered the dragon’s instruction. “I will protect my own.”

After a few moments of silence, Leliana added, “Now seems a good time.” Adaar shook his head then and turned to the army.

“No, now is a good time to leave. Move out!” The army seemed to form up then and begin moving to him as he wheeled his horse and trotted up beside the dragon. “Are you ready?” he asked as he stopped beside her. ]]]

I turned a smile to him and he smiled back. “Keep up,” I said and urged the horse forward to a trot first. _Gods but I missed proper riding._ After a moment, I broke into grin. _This won’t do._ I urged the horse forward into a lope then. The easing feeling of the wind passing me helped ease the anger a little and I would swear I felt the excitement from within my gut as well. “Do you think you can handle more?” I asked the horse and felt its anxious excitement to stretch its legs. “Let’s see if they can keep up.” The horse transitioned perfectly to a gallop then and I laughed as we rode, horse and rider, jumping smaller breaks, side jumping others to go back to a full gallop forward.

[[[“Flying, feeling, freedom in its own sense. Gods, I’ve missed this.” Cole’s voice beside him as he cantered along after her was likely then only thing that kept him from shouting out at her.

_Not safe. She could hurt herself._

“She is a perfect rider. The horse responds as easily as her legs.”

“Things happen in faster riding, Cole.”

“I won’t let her fall,” Cole stated then and Solas had to smile sadly. Cole would have the ability to quite literally keep her from ever hitting the ground.

Solas sighed through the gait of his horse.

“The mother’s happy seeps into the child like water into sand,” Cole explained to his worry of the child and Solas grinned stupidly then and forced his expression to clear.

“Just promise me they will both be alright.”

Cole smiled at him. “For a while. She’ll start getting tired in a while, but she is stubborn and might try to press on.”

“Can you tell me when?” Cole smiled at him. “Thank you.”

He watched her almost as much as he paid attention to his own horse. She did seem happier. Just touching her energies he could feel that she was nearly ecstatic for the joy and he smiled sadly and met Cole’s knowing grin. “Suppose I have been keeping her caged a little.” Cole grinned wider then as both returned to watch horse and rider rise and leap as if the same being. _Cole is right. She is a perfect rider. Andruil would scream to see someone who rides as well as she did._ Solas smiled proudly out as his mate as his own horse cleared a few of the obstacles of terrain. He was no novice when it came to riding, but beside her, he might have to admit her dominance in it. He grinned then. _She does ride rather well in other ways as well._

Several minutes of memories later, “A little longer, maybe just a little longer.”

_Enough, my heart. The creature will not endure a canter for long after such a ride._]]]

I grinned as I eased the horse back to a canter against his wishes. I pet his neck as we loped along. “I know. I was having fun too, but he is right. We can’t do it forever.” The horse snorted his derision at the statement and I grinned. “Maybe we’ll try again later.” I only cantered with him for another few minutes before I felt him becoming more tired and eased him back to a walk. As others caught up, they too dropped down to a walk for a while. I couldn’t stop grinning. I needed that, the freedom, if only for a few minutes.

“It was far more than a few minutes,” Solas stated beside me as he slowed his horse to a walk. He looked angry and I faced forward.

_So?_ He sighed but was otherwise silent for a while.

“You were, happy, riding like that?” he asked, never turning, never shifting his gaze off the lands before us. The question seemed gentler than I’d expected. I was waiting for the reprimand when I had asked. I knew he didn’t like me charging off, but…

“Yes,” I answered. “I needed it, I needed the freedom of the ride.” I sighed then and looked away from him. “I can’t fly right now, Solas. I promised you I wouldn’t.” _How can I explain how that hurts? To be bound to the ground? I might as well have a leash on for the restraint I felt._

A warm hand laced fingers with mine and I looked over to the concerned gaze of my lover. “I will not stop you from riding,” he stated, though I could feel it costing him. “Just pace it.” _Please be careful._ “I know you want to fly.” He looked down at my stomach a moment before meeting my eyes again. “In a few months , you’ll be able to again.” I cocked my head to the side then. “Regardless of gestation period, in a few months, it will be safe, for you and our child. Just not for now.” He sighed and braced himself up against his next words. “If, if you want to run with the horse, just be careful. Don’t overdo it. If you feel tired, stop.” He fought to control his expression shifted a few times as he attempted to control it, but we were bound and I reminded him of such. He grinned then. “I only called you back because Cole let me know you were getting tired and that you were trying to push it anyway.” I smiled then.

“Cole looks out for all of us.”

“Indeed.” He let his thumb trace the back of my hand a moment before he spoke again. “I will not restrain you from riding. I only ask that you be careful and rest when you need, not when you want.” I grinned then.

“A fair deal. Very well, my wolf. I can agree to that,” I said smiling over at him. _Thank you._ He smiled sadly then.

He coughed and looked up at me apologetically a moment. “I should apologize.” He grimaced and corrected, “I apologize.” I cocked my head to the side, an obvious question on my face. “For keeping you so restrained. I worry for you and I’d protect you any way I can, but,” he looked away. “Of anyone I know that restraining and protecting are different things.” I smiled at him, though his gaze had drifted off into memory.

“They are,” I agreed, purposely pulling him back and he met my smile and smiled himself though sadly. “But you don’t do it to restrain me. You merely do what comes natural to the wolf.” I chuckled then. “If it had been within your power without raising every suspicion possible, you would have kept me in that room for the next few months.” He chuckled then.

“I don’t believe I would have gone _that_ far.” I smiled at him then. “You’re teasing me now?” I chuckled then and he smirked at me and shook his head. “I hope our child has your sense of humor,” he stated then and I grinned.

“I do too,” I said on a laugh and he quirked that eyebrow again. “Remember, to all around save me and Cole, you are ‘the stodgy old elf’.” I laughed then, I couldn’t help it though I tried to keep my mouth closed for it. He smirked a moment and returned to focusing on the path.

It seemed Adaar waited for the whole of the army to walk for a few miles before he called a halt for the horses. I looked up only to realize how much of the morning had passed. We may have left near dawn but the sun was high in the sky now and a random thought had Solas bursting into laughter as we stopped. Several looked over and I blushed hard.

“No, Vhenan. My head will not burn in the sunlight.” Several others began laughing then too. “To ‘burn’ like that here, you would basically have to be naked under the sun for several days, maybe more.” I cocked my head to the side as the horse sipped from the bucket. “To add to that, I do use a barrier occasionally through the day to prevent it.” I blushed and looked back down to the horse.

“It wasn’t meant to.”

“I know,” he said and stepped to me. He held me a moment before he pulled open the water skin and handed it to me. “Drink.”

“This stop is for the horses.”

“And you will drink as well.” _You are using more of everything, my heart. Do not fight me in this._

I sighed and took the skin on a glare. “I am not…”

“Delicate?” I snorted, then lifted the skin and swallowed a large swig of the water. I hated that flavor. It was necessary sure, but until one actually drinks from a water skin, they never really understand the distinct difference. I missed purified bottle waters. He chuckled. As I went to hand it back he shook his head. “Drink.”

“You cannot mean for me to drink the entire thing, Solas.”

“No,” he agreed. “I intend for you to drink until I can feel your body sated for it. Drink.” I glared at him a moment, but the glare died after that.

_His right._ I sighed and swallowed another foul tasting mouthful. I pushed my tongue against my teeth a moment after as the flavor actually contorted my face with disgust.

He chuckled. “I know, Vhenan. One more, and I’ll let you be for now.” I smiled sadly at him and forced down another swallow before he accepted the skin back and reattached it to the saddle.

I tongued my mouth a moment, trying to force the rest of the flavor out. I heard Cassandra chuckle and she tossed me her second skin.

“Use that one, next time.” I quirked an eyebrow at her. “I flavor mine with sweet crystal grace. It helps conceal the leather taste,” she told me sympathetically. I smiled at her then and lifted the skin with a nod of thanks.

Cole beside her said, “She says thank you very much.” Cassandra half bowed and returned to her horse.

Solas stepped around to me then. “Any chance I could get you to sip on that while we’re riding.” I sighed a half growl before he pulled me to him in a hug that didn’t need explaining, though he set his lips by my ear all the same. “You scared me yesterday, Vhenan.” I sighed and hugged him back then.

“Solas.”

“Just try. Sathan,” he whispered to me as he held me there. I sighed and leaned back to look up at him, though I locked my hands behind his back. His worried gaze met my softer one then.

“Solas, you do realize this will be normal. I am going to be sick on occasion for the next little while. It’s just my body adjusting.” He looked stricken then for a moment, but settled it to merely unhappy.

“I know,” he said and blinked a few time fighting his own feelings. “Knowing does not mean I have to like what’s happening.”

“It’s your fault you know,” I said with a grin and he smiled slightly.

“I know.”

I set the skin in my saddle and took his face in my hands. “And I’d do it every day for the chance,” I told him then and he smiled honestly then.

“So much-” I snapped my jaws together briefly as a warning. “Would you really? Here?” I glared up at him and he grinned. “Ar lath, ma vhenan.” He leaned down and kissed me briefly. _My precious Athena._

I smiled up at him as he leaned back.

[[[“Okay, so Alistair and the Warden or Solas and the Dragon?” Varric asked as he leaned over by Leliana. Leliana chuckled then and looked over at them.

“I still go with the Warden. She was nearly resistant for a long while, but then she’d had suitors thrown at her for years. Alistair’s charm won out. Explain this one,” Leliana challenged.

“Discover her past for me and I’ll write you a story that will sell in every country in the world.” Leliana laughed then.

“You may be on, Varric.” Her expression shifted then and she settled by the bucket his horse was sipping from, down beside him. “How are you doing, Varric?” she asked then. He looked at her a moment.

“Well enough. Riding a horse has never been my thing, but I manage.”

Leliana’s gaze made it clear that the horse was not the topic under discussion.

He shrugged. “It hurts,” he finally said looking away and trying to school his expression back.

Leliana nodded. “The dragon says you like Wicked Grace?” He glanced at her.

“What of it?”

Leliana shrugged then and lowered her tone. “Apparently Josie received nearly fifty gold royals,” his eyes popped open then, “to orchestrate a Wicked Grace game set up for you on our return.” Leliana stood then. “Wasn’t sure if you were aware,” she added as if it were nothing more than the shape of the bucket she’d been discussing.

Varric schooled his expression back down. “I wasn’t. Thank you for letting me know.” Leliana spared one more glance for the elves too obviously in love in her periphery and smiled before she remounted. Varric returned to his mounts bucket to find it nearly empty. “Yep, about time.”

Cole sat beside Cassandra as she watered the horse, just keeping a hand to its neck. Cassandra smiled at him and Cole grinned.

“You are content then, Cole, just helping others?”

“It is a happy way to be,” Cole stated to her. She grinned before she tried to hide her expression a moment. “He’s watching,” Cole said and Cassandra blushed lightly. “He’s almost always watching. Such grace and beauty. Myths of the Qunadar be damned, that is an angel. Slipping, sliding, falling deeper and a sigh. She will never see me as more than Qunari. Another sigh to return to, at least I get to see her for now. I can watch an angel walk among men and live the rest of my life with the memory.” Cassandra glanced over her shoulder to see him staring over at her and flushed lightly before she tightened the stirrup strap. “Lucky horse.” Cassandra chuckled then and looked up at Cole. “Oh, right. Sorry.” The horse had finished his water and butted Cole’s stomach once. “He is done.”

“Thank you, Cole,” Cassandra said then and leaned down to grab the bucket.

“Oh sweet Void.” She glanced back to see Adaar blushing wildly staring down at his horses side. She grinned and returned to her task.

“Excited to be going home, Enchanter?” Dorian asked as they mounted up.

“The Winter Palace is not my home, but I’ll forgo your ignorance of the situation.”

“Ah right, because you were bound to the Chantries Circle. So where are you from then?”

“It hardly matters now. I am a member of the Orlesian Court, High Enchanter of Orlais, and Madame DeFer. The rest rather pales.”

“Ah, a mage without history. Wouldn’t that be something?”

“What are you getting at, Dorian?” she finally asked.

“I just think it would be nice, you know, to start your life a full grown mage.” Vivienne chuckled then, the smooth sound that made Dorian’s skin crawl.

“Indeed.”]]]


	19. Halamshiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas learns things he could not have guessed of his lover as the Inquisition navigates the dangerous dance that is the Winter Palace at Halamshiral. Guiding Adaar through his 'Oracle/Bastard' to the end goals as quietly and precisely as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story contains massive spoilers for the game. Please note, that if you are reading, I take no responsibility for ruining game plot you haven't gotten to yet.  
Also, I use multiple songs within the story. I do not claim ownership to these songs. All copyrights belong to the original authors. (I'm just a huge fan :P)

Chapter 19: Halamshiral

I kept my galloping to early morning and late evening for the next two days of having Solas placate me with water every time we stopped. I only lost my lunch once in those two days, so I was just as happy for it. On the third, Leliana informed us that we would arrive at the Winter Palace before midday and it was decided all would take up ‘proper’ marching order at a walk.

_Great. Here we go_. I corrected my posture in the saddle then and did my damnedest to mimic the show riders Old Man Kelly used to have visit every other summer. Thankfully I knew how to ride so riding straight-spined and chin always parallel to the ground became only too easy. I kept my eyes on the backs of those before us. The less I spoke for the next week the better off I would be and I knew it. Orlais was a place where words could kill you just as quickly as any sword and the Winter Palace was the pinnacle of that. I was never so happy for my mother’s lessons in proper etiquette.

I rode beside Sera as we entered. Side by side we were antithesis, straight spine to half slumped, a solemn face as regal as I could make it beside one that constantly stuck its tongue out and bug eyed at any looking. Sera’s antics actually made it harder not to smile as we rode. I was very grateful and smiled at her once as we passed the people. She grinned and whooped just for the sake of spooking horses tense with their riders’ feelings. I controlled mine fine and returned to facing forward.

Adaar had wanted all of his companions at his side, even if I was to be near the middle of the army. Sera refused to ride at the front.

_ “For wha? So they can go googly-eyed and ask how much they can buy me for? Pssh.”_

I fought the urge to smile again at the memory. The horse procession stopped as we entered the final gates of the Palace. The game truly had not done the place enough credit. More than a half dozen city blocks wide (from the front) and three stories tall with some of the most elegant statues and fountains that I had ever seen. I fought down the tremble I felt rise. My nerves were as tight strung as any violinist could ask for at the moment, but I kept it down, masked the face as Solas had been instructing me.

_ “A body can tell a lot, a face more, not just for animals. We must not be animals here.” I’d shivered then and he held me. “I know, Vhenan. It is hard, but it must be hidden.” I nodded against him._

I let my periphery take in the plants, the fountains, the building, but I kept my head forward. Eyes front and straight-faced. I couldn’t see Adaar or Solas and I forced myself not to panic. He was there. I could feel him. He was there and we would be fine. I felt him will me his love then and smirked for a minute second before I straightened it again.

Those in front began dismounting, so Sera with a grin at me slid off her horse. She knew how to dismount properly and I knew it. I tried not to smile at her antics as I turned and dismounted no less regally than I’d rode. My position as bastard child did not mean I was a beaten child and I would not be walked on more than absolutely necessary here.

_Ten days._ I drew a deep breath and began the walk up as the horses were led forward and handed off to stable boys. I watched the procession and handed my reins to the next boy that offered. _Most interesting. It would seem Briala is in full form already._

_ Someone I should know about, My Heart?_

_ Shortly._

The procession was greeted and escorted. Apparently Josephine had sent word ahead of our numbers and the rooms were being prepared, though we were advised that some soldiers and servants may have to room together.

“A most acceptable arrangement,” Josephine’s voice carried back to me. 

_Now there is a lady that belongs in a high court._

All were brought in and shown rooms as Josephine began dividing out who should go where among them. The soldiers and scout who’d come were just as happy to share rooms four and five to a room and made that clear but otherwise she tried to keep no more than three to a room. She was in full form and delegating as if this was what she’d been born for. I smiled at her as she asked me to stand to the side with her a moment as she delegated the remaining rooms. I stepped beside her and noticed that Solas, Cassandra and Adaar were there as well.

Adaar was nearly sweating and I looked at him once and jerked my chin up and he straightened. I nodded and smiled at him a moment and returned my gaze to the flood of people that Josephine was moving like dough to a baker. There were still four rooms remaining when she turned back to us.

“Leliana and I have agreed to room together and I am certain Solas would rather keep his guest bastard beside him.” Solas nodded and I sat on my first response and nodded. “Leaves a room each for the Inquisitor and the ‘Hero of Orlais’.” Cassandra lowered her jaw and glared at Josephine. “All must make sacrifice, Lady Cassandra.” Cassandra scoffed.

“When all of this is over, _Lady_ Josephine, you and I are going to have a little chat.”

“I look forward to it,” Josephine said with her usual smile and Cassandra stomped off to her assigned room.

“Do you, did I make her angry, by insisting we introduce her that way?” Adaar asked. Josephine smiled warmly at him.

“No. She merely hates nobility. This whole trip took a bit to convince her to participate in. She will recover before we return to Skyhold.” He nodded and trudged off to his room.

It was then that I learned where Leliana was as the door opened and she began speaking to him. “I’ve check it over. The window cannot be accessed from outside and the only door,” then the door closed behind her and I smiled. She was taking nothing lightly with him. Good.

“This way, please,” Josephine stated and opened the door for the room Solas and I were to share. I will say this for Celene, she didn’t skimp on the rooms. I stepped in as schooled as I could maintain but I swear the moment that door closed behind us, I shivered. It was all I could do not to hyperventilate.

I expected rooms like this in his memories, in the glory days of the Elvehn Empire, but…I shivered again as I froze looking around. A twelve pane window, large enough to push a halla through and still not floor to ceiling with a padded interior window box. A desk and chair. A dresser and huge armoire beside each other. A massive king sized bed that sat with the headboard against the window side wall and otherwise almost perfectly positioned in the middle of the floor. Great drapes hung from the canopy around the bed and dragged the floor where they were pulled back to the posts. Five great carpets laid out across a room that was larger than any house I’d lived in. The room itself was likely as large as all of Old Man Kelly’s barn which housed no less than six horses at a time and enough hay to get them through at least two months after, as well as room to move around. This room was enormous.

I know I was staring, especially when my eyes landed on the dressing table and the mirror on it that stood tall enough to put a human on the table and still see over their head. _Great Gods. Who needs all this stuff in one place? It’s a full apartment, minus bathroom, in one room._ I heard Solas chuckle behind me as he stepped up and took my hand.

“It is not ‘minus’ anything, Vhenan.” He led me back to the thing I _thought_ was just a large armoire or closet. Eeeee. He opened the door and there was a smaller (barely) adjoining room there too. I stepped in and I felt myself draw in breath.

_Holy fucking hell._ It was all I could think as I looked over a full open closet of towels (real towels), the carpeting within lining straight back to a tub big enough to easily bathe six or more. They even had something similar to a toilet. I know I stood there like an idiot for a dozen or more heartbeats before I heard the chuckle.

“Does it suit your liking?” I turned back to see Leliana in the room and tried to straighten my expression. She waved. “No need for that. We have guards at almost every door.” She peaked in the bathroom and scoffed. “Chincy. Oh, well,” she said on a sigh. “I will let them know to improve it.” I grabbed her wrist then and shook my head. “You are certain? There should have been soaps and candles at least.” I smiled up at her and pulled on the Fade a moment, lining the room in candles, though it did leave me slightly dizzy. She grinned. “As you like, Lady Dragon.” I met her with a warning gaze then and shook my head. “Of course.” I released her then and turned back to the bathroom a moment to run my finger over the towels. Sure they weren’t twenty-first century quality but they were actual bath towels.

_Where the fuck did they get the cotton?_ Solas started chuckling then and Leliana and I both looked up at him.

“Clothing of all types, Vhenan, are available anywhere. Come,” he called to me from the room and I stepped back to him to have him lead me to the bed. He threw back the actual covers which shocked me enough to something I never thought I’d see in Thedas. I looked down then back up at him. “Go on,” he said to the question and I reached out to touch actual silk sheets and my mouth dropped open.

“How,” I began and Solas chuckled again.

“Thought Skyhold was the pinnacle of the world, Vhenan?”

I turned and smiled back up at him. “It was to me.” He grinned at me.

“Afraid it just isn’t so. We can get much in Skyhold, have some things shipped in, but,” he looked around, “this, The Winter Palace, is renowned for having the greatest levels of finery possible.”

Leliana scoffed. “Yes and they went chincy on the rooms for the Inquisition because they still view us as little more than a barbarian horde.” I smiled at her.

“Will you translate, ma lath?”

“Of course,” Solas answer and I faced Leliana then.

“If there is something that you feel should be ‘obtained’ for the rooms, please let me know. I will visit the rooms myself and amend it. I can cast with relative ease and most here will expect ‘the bastard’ to be a loyal servant anyway.” Solas didn’t care for that last part but he did translate it.

Leliana nodded. “I will not abuse the privilege,” Leliana promised and Solas nodded beside me.

I grinned at her though. “I certainly wouldn’t advise it.” She looked at me then up at Solas.

“She says she ‘certainly wouldn’t advise it’.” Leliana grinned then, understanding completely. We would not be at the Winter Palace forever and irking a dragon with menial tasks or insulting orders that you would later have a minimum fifteen day travel home with would be unadvisable at best.

“I am pleased the room is to your liking though,” she stated with a real Leliana smile then pursed her lips a moment. I cocked my head to the side and she tried to smile. “I, may have to improvise, out there. Would,” she straightened and asked, “would you be willing to sing, if I asked you to, before them.”

I smiled up at her. “Word for word, ma lath?” He nodded. “Any song but one.” Solas grinned and mimicked it back to her and Leliana smiled and bowed off.

“Then I leave you to settle. We won’t be expected to present our forces until tomorrow evening at soonest. _Please_, rest well.”

“Thank you.” Solas looked at me then relayed it and she smiled and nodded before she knocked on the door and it opened.

I shivered again as it closed.

“Are you cold, ma vhenan?”

I shook my head. “No,” I finally said and nodded. “I’m fine,” I heaved a steadying breath. “A bath does sound glorious however.” He chuckled and laced my fingers with his. I heaved in breaths as we walked though. He squeezed my hand before he released me in the bathroom and turned to begin loosing my cloak. I shivered again and he paused to take my face in his hands. I met his concerned gaze then. “I’m sorry, ma lath. I’m not, I mean.” I sighed. “I’ve never sought out finery, of _any_ kind.” He smiled at me. “This,” I said looking and gesturing around us, “is well passed anything I would have imagined.” He went back to the cloak then as I continued. “I mean, where I lived, I slept in an apartment that could fit twice over in this bathroom. I mean, I had a bed and sheets and clothes and books, but,” I looked around again. “I would never have dreamed something like this up.” I sighed against the relief as he pulled the cloak away and tossed it out of the room. “This is, enormous beyond size.” He chuckled and reached to the belt. I placed my hands on his then and he stopped to look up at me.

“What is it?”

I hesitated. “Will, you be bathing with me?” He grinned.

“For fifteen days, I have had my lover in my arms and could do nothing about it for the fact of privacy and the first moment we have of it, she says she’s going to get naked and I’m supposed to, what? Sit on the bed and wait?” I chuckled then.

“It does sound a little sillier phrased that way.” His gaze lit a moment before he claimed his kiss.

“I have been fifteen days without the chance to run my hands over your naked body. I will not be denied the chance now.” I smiled up at him.

_I am yours, my love. However you wish._ He grinned at me.

“We can start with removing your clothing.”

“You’ll forgive,” I began as I sat back from him and ripped the belt away, “if I don’t take my time with it.” I jerked my tunic over my head. “The concept of a bath after fifteen days without is appealing enough,” I stated unzipping my boots and tossing them to join the rest of my garments in the room, “but the idea of having your hands on me again,” I paused to pull the shirt off and toss it too, “seduction can wait.” He snagged my chin as I slid my thumbs into my pants at the hips and I paused to look up only to have him kiss me again.

“Seduction comes in many forms, Vhenan.”

_And you are it incarnate_, my mind shot back and he grinned. “I’ve learned some. You will have to teach me others.”

“Happily.” He stepped back then and let me finish as he tossed his cloak on the pile of my clothes at the door and reached for the belt as his waist. I won’t deny, I rushed ripping my trousers away to stand there and watch as he pulled the tunic over his head. He quirked an eyebrow at me. “Bathing in that?” I grinned at the question as my bra and panties were the only things I was wearing save the dragon skull adorning my head.

“I suppose not,” I stated and stepped over to the tub. I could feel his gaze rake over my body then and I smiled as I pulled in with my will and loosed the cords that bound the dragon to my forehead. The braid came undone, the ponytail fell loose and the dragon skull settled in my hands. I set it on the edge of the top carefully and reached back to undo the clasps of my bra. I let it fall to the floor by the tub and looked down at my stomach as I reached for the edges of the thong I wore. I felt different. Though undressing for him would always be a pleasure for me, I looked down at a stomach that hadn’t changed from before, it wasn’t like it was noticeable externally, but I felt changed, different. _More gentle, less sexy._

His right hand snaked around in front of my belly and the other hand slid under my chin as he leaned over my right shoulder. “You are still sexy.” He nipped at my ear and I fought down the gasp from that. “Here,” he began, sliding his left hand over the right side of my face, opening my neck to him, “I’ll show you.” He leaned down to my neck then and I leaned back into his bare chest, squeezing my thighs together against the moisture that built with the heat there.

He held me to him as he kissed down my neck, over my shoulder, nipping at that spot, that one spot behind my neck, between shoulder and neck that would have doubled me for sensation save for the hands still holding my head. I mewled and moaned as he bit and kissed and licked and sucked and my body rose to his call as quickly as my magic. His hand slid from my belly over the only cloth remaining on my body and then under.

Sensations had always been intense between us, but at the moment I would swear it was amplified through our joined magic, ricocheting off of my bones and into his and back again. One touch felt like ten and everywhere he touched brought a fire behind it, a _need _for him to touch again. It was as maddening as it was addicting. I clung to his arms, pressing back against him. I could feel him pressed into my back and damned if the sensation did leave me dripping on its own.

A brief pull on the Fade and then he had us leaning over the steaming tub. He bit against my back once more and I jerked forward, my nipples brushing freezing steel and I gasped back into a second bite that secured me against the tub that wasn’t warmed from the water yet. It also put me bent forward, on my knees for him and that did not take much further inspiring for him as I begged him for it. I’d missed his touch no less than he’d missed touching and the resolution proved to be spectacular.

My magics barely stayed within my control when he came in me. It became all I could do not to shift for need of the relief of my magics; they just flowed too high, too much for my little elf body, but he helped me tamp them down and snuggled into my neck as we lay there after.

After several minutes, he chuckled, and then asked, “Are you ready for that bath, Vhenan?” I laughed then too.

“As long as I can basically slide into it,” I replied and I felt him grin as he kissed the back of my neck.

“Ir abelas, Vhenan. I may have gotten a bit over zealous.” He straightened and came out of me and I slumped forward into the water.

“If you apologize to me again, Solas, for bringing me pleasure, you may wake bound to the bed in the morning.” He chuckled and stepped in beside me, pulling me to snuggle against him.

“What purpose would that serve?”

“If giving me pleasure is such a horrible thing, then I’ll take mine and make it better.” He smiled down at me.

“Any time you want to ride, Vhenan, I won’t impede you, but,” he paused and pushed my hair over my shoulder, “I do so enjoy pleasuring you senseless.” He kissed me gently then and I smiled up at him.

“Then there is nothing to apologize for.” He smiled down at me a moment and chuckled.

“Turn.” I quirked an eyebrow. “You said a dozen times there are places you can’t reach.” He caught my chin up as I looked down at the water and made me face him. “Leave the water be. Turn.” I smiled and sat up (that hurt a bit) and I felt him gentle healing energies into my shoulders as he passed the water over them.

I moaned against it a moment. “Solas, I’m already nearly boneless. You don’t need to do that.” He chuckled and continued down my back.

“_Need_, ma Lath, has almost nothing to do with it.”

“Mmmm.” Sooo hard to keep my eyes open. If the healing energies weren’t enough to ease, he pressed gently down into the muscles that would connect to my wings in my other form and I could never explain how spectacular that felt. Through our ride here, I’d kind of just gotten used to the pain there, the tension and stiffness and now he was wiping it clear like a hand on a foggy mirror. I was moments from passing out when he shifted lower and the tension released actually got me to arch.

“Na’tundral, Vhenan. Your back has been put through a great deal of things in the last few days.” I felt him nuzzle the back of my neck as I arched again into the motion. “Don’t force it. Gently.” He pressed again and again the healing energies flowed through me and I had to bite down on my lip to keep from moaning.

_Gods this just feels too good._

He chuckled. “I did tell you, Vhenan. There are many more pleasures for us to enjoy together. Not all are sexual,” he added that last on there after another press.

“Mmm.” I released my lip then. “I could easily make this one.”

He laughed a moment and pressed again. “Insatiable.”

I’d lied. There was no way I was making this anything, I couldn’t even think enough to make this anything. My thoughts seemed limited to, ‘don’t stop’ and ‘there, more’. _It’s like a different kind of sex_.

He chuckled. “No, ma Lath. _That_ is a whole different pleasure.”

The thought of that had me about purring as he worked his hands over my hips and down into my legs, pulling me back against him. He reached mid-thigh and slid his hands back up to wrap around my middle and snuggle his head down against me.

“No fair. My turn.” He chuckled.

“Do you know what you’d be doing?”

“I know how to channel healing energies and I could at least wash your back. I’m not promising I won’t try but,” he chuckled and I stopped.

“Better if you spoke with Knowledge first.” I nodded and faced forward.

“Fair. It is the massive nerve center.”

“You understand a lot about the body.” I blinked back the memories.

“I had to.” I would hold no secrets about me from him. If I had to hold secrets at all, it would the future that was coming that might get damaged if I didn’t, but I would not hide me.

His left arm slid down and under my legs, pulling my knees over his left leg and tucking me against his chest before he raised the wet hand to turn my face to him. “What do you mean?”

I grinned. _Of course he can read your body language, Athena. Wolf, hello._ He smiled at me but the worried look never left his eyes. I swallowed and heaved a breath. “I, I wasn’t always like this, Solas.” He quirked an eyebrow. “I will explain, though it may take a moment.” He smirked a moment.

“You have until the water gets cold.” I grinned then.

_Again for me_. I shook my head and pressed into it. If I didn’t get it out there, I would hem and haw about it until I avoided it completely. “My, I was,” I sighed and berated myself. “It took me a lot to learn to stand straight,” I looked down at the water then. It was easier that way. I could just recount it as if reading my medical history. “I was born with a twisted spine. My father wouldn’t have it. He took me to the hospitals, the healers, every three days for most of my earliest memories. My mother told me it was more often before that but I don’t remember. I remember the pain of the doctors, the healers, trying to move bones and nerves through my back and sides, forcing my body up against the pain. It took time, but I was finally standing and walking straight by the time papa came home that christmas he brought me Karl. I still had weekly visits to the healers for a year or so after, but training with Karl seemed to help that. The more I moved, the healers told my parents, the more the surgeries, the incisions would heal and align and I would be a normal little girl. My stepfather didn’t help that later on, but I recovered.” I smiled sadly down at the water then. “I suppose that it’s why I have such a hard time thinking you would ever want me,” I felt him shift but I pressed on. “I’m broken, Solas. No two ways about it. I was born broken and then broken again as teen.” I looked up at him then. “How could something so flawed be worthy of _you_? I’m broken.”

His expression was set in pain and he pulled my face to his for a severe kiss that broke only after a moment and he set his forehead to mine and bore that gaze into me that dared me to look away, dared me to contest his next line. “You are perfect, Athena.” It was quiet, barely more than a whisper that echoed back over the dragon.

I couldn’t help it, I started crying then and he tucked me up to him. He didn’t try to silence it, didn’t try to tell me not to cry. He just held me until the pain abated and I lay against him snuggled into the warmth of the only thing I loved.

He spoke then. “You are perfect for me, my Athena. Broken by others and rebuilt by your own will and determination.” He chuckled. “I could never have dreamed such a perfect mate.” He leaned back to smiled down at me then. “Patient as she is ferocious, merciful as she is resolute,” he tucked my chin up then, “forgiving,” I smiled at him then, “as she is beautiful.” He shook his head lightly then. “No, I could never have dreamt such a perfect mate.” His gaze shifted then and his hand slid down. “You give me all, ma lath, everything I could ever want or hope for and more. You are perfect.” I felt my eyes mist and tried to shake them off and when they wouldn’t abate I got angry again and he chuckled.

“This is stupid. I’m not a crying kind of girl. I never have been. Knock that off!” I forced my body back under my control and felt the magics tugging at my chest loosen slightly. “There is no call for tears. Stop that.”

He smiled and pulled me up to kiss me gently a moment. “The next few months should be most entertaining. The dragon, arguing with her body.” I chuckled then too.

“It probably looks a little funny from your side.” He smiled at me and it didn’t matter then.

“The water is cooling, Vhenan.” I smiled then and sat up, calling my soaps to me. _Without thought or reservation. She belongs in the Fade as much as this world._ I stopped scrubbing to look up at him.

_So do you_. He grinned then.

“A fair statement.” And I returned to scrubbing.

I needed a good scrubbing. It is amazing how filthy one feels after days on the road without a bath. I think I washed my hair three times before he told me that if I did it again it might start falling out. I had chuckled to it but I left off going for four. As I rose from the tub though I felt a little nauseated at the look of the water, only until Solas pulled the plug and it drained.

“Ew.” It was a brief under my breath statement, but he chuckled.

“The road leaves it’s mark when it can,” he stated turning to me.

_Just let me freeze this moment in time in my memory and I could live forever happy to just stare up at him._ He grinned at me then, in all his naked glory.

_You look on me like I am a god, my heart, but I’m not. Just a man._

I grinned then. _Perhaps, but you’re my man. I can ask for nothing more._

_ You do not want the god?_

_ I want _you_, Solas._

“You’ll give a man a superiority complex if you keep staring at me like that.” I chuckled, then turned and grabbed a towel.

It wasn’t plushie soft like my towels. They reminded me more of the cheap towels that could be found in thrift stores. I chuckled at the thought. If Celene’s people had meant to insult us, they were failing.

I stepped from the bathroom then without thought and froze as I entered the bedroom. My hand gripped tighter into the towel wrapped around me and my weight shifted to the balls of my feet, the heels barely coming off the ground.

Three guards, judging by their armor, turned to grin at me. I knew that grin. “’fraid there’s been a mistake,” the one began.

Solas stepped around me then, a towel wrapped to his waist. “It will have to be taken up with the Grand Duke Gaspard then, as we are here as his guests.”

The other guards smirked as their voice returned with, “The Grand Duke don’t take kindly to elves being placed above their station.”

I felt my body warm and it was a natural reaction then as I let the rumbling growl echo through the room. All three turned to me. I felt Solas shift as well, but I wasn’t watching him. I was waiting, watching our intruders as they began laughing.

“Look at that. It even growls like a dog.”

“Off to the kennel with you then, mutt.”

It was the last thing they would get to say to me. The growl had not been intended to alert them and the door to our room received a heavy knock then.

“Solas?” Cassandra’s voice echoed through.

“Enter,” he called back and the door came open to Cassandra’s blade being loosed. Solas would never address her as such in a non-desperate situation and she knew it. The three found themselves faced down as Cassandra was followed by Adaar, then Iron Bull and then of all things, Vivienne.

She glared over at them and all of their eyes went wide.

“Madam DeFer.”

She glared a bare acknowledgement to the title. “Well isn’t this upsetting.”

“We, uh.”

“You? You thought to impede on what was mine?” They all started shaking then and I smiled at her. “The elves belong to me and you thought you’d just, help yourself?”

“No. Of course not. We were just-”

“Just what?” she demanded and they all stepped back. “No, this simply won’t do. Iron Bull, fetch Leliana for me. She’ll want to inform Celene that we had invaders.” I heard the three swallow almost in unison then. “I do wonder what Celene will do to you. She’s never tolerated such behavior at the Winter Palace. Did you know that one year, a foolish Viscount thought to abuse his own elven servant and she had him quartered before all?”

The voice of the three was noticeably shaking then. Leliana appeared in the door shortly after with the look I knew too well. These would not be given to Celene. They were hers.

“I see the Iron Bull was not exaggerating.” Her voice was as cold as her eyes. I single twist of her head and a dozen scouts were in the room now, each with blade drawn. “If you want to die slowly, resist my soldiers,” she challenged. “Otherwise, you’ll come with me and we’ll see the Empress herself. I don’t imagine she will take kindly to your _intrusion_.” There was no softness Leliana, no harp string they might pluck to find the mercy of a quick death. I met eyes with her briefly and she shivered before she turned back to them. “You don’t even understand that I’m saving you,” she added and jerked her head to the side. The scouts escorted the three dumb-struck guards out and Vivienne huffed.

“Well that was more bracing than I’d care for after a long day on the road.” She shifted up to her full height. “I will have to inform Celene that we had this altercation. Excuse me,” she said and bowed off to me. I nodded and turned to Cassandra.

I touched my hand to my lips then my chest then extended before me a moment.

“You do not need to thank me.” She looked to the side a moment and tried not to growl herself. “I will place a guard by the door. It will not happen again.” I bowed to her then and she grinned. “You curtsy about as often as I do.” I smiled at her and she turned and left and began issuing orders down the hall.

Adaar was facing away from us as he spoke. “Are you, um, did they?”

“We are unharmed, Inquisitor. Thank you,” Solas added and Adaar nodded.

Without turning to face us, Adaar said, “I’ll be in the next room over, if you, uh, need anything.”

“Thank you, Inquisitor.”

“Sleep well, Adaar.” Solas smiled and relayed it.

“Pleasant dreams,” he swallowed and stumbled over, “Aethien.” He’d gotten so used to calling me things like Lady Dragon or Mistress Dragon or—my personal favorite for reasons none of them could understand—Dread Dragon. He bowed and left then.

I sighed as he closed the door and it was again just me and Solas in the room. Solas turned then and tucked a hand under my chin. His expression spoke volumes and I smiled at him. “I am fine, ma lath. They surprised me is all. I am fine.”

He sighed and tucked me up against him.

“You were only a few steps behind me, Solas. You know they didn’t hurt me.”

He was quiet for a moment before, “I am also aware the memories can hurt as keenly as any blade.” I shivered then and he nodded. “I thought as much.”

“I’ll be alright. Should probably get dressed though.” He nodded again, and then released me only enough to slide his arm around behind me and guide me over to the bed.

He sat me on the bed and knelt before me. “It is after sundown. You need food and rest.” I opened my mouth to speak but he continued. “Please do not argue with me on this, Vhenan.” He nuzzled against my stomach a moment and I held him there. I could still feel the fear drifting off of him. “_It is not that I do not think I could have handled them_,” he spoke then in Ancient Elven, “_it is that I do not think I would have resisted handling them in a way that would have revealed everything to the Inquisition_.”

I sighed and shifted my hands then, taking his face between them to stare down at him. “I would not have let you.” He went to speak and I spoke over him. “No, my love. I would not have let you; I would have quashed your magic as I did with Ranier.” His eyes lit then. “Do not. I am stating fact. I would not have let you reveal that here. If anything gets reveal it will be me. The Inquisition already knows I’m dragon and half of them expect me to let loose here. I will do my best not to, but if it comes down to one of us having to be revealed it will be me.” I smiled down at him then. “If you had tried, I would have swallowed down your magics and shredded the fools into ribbons myself.” He smiled sadly at me. “I would have made Ella’s torture look pleasant, my love. I would have their screams echoing down the halls until the day we left here.” He quirked an eyebrow. “No, my love. They would not get to die then.” I grinned and the dragon seethed through my veins as his eyes widened. “I would bring them and it would continue. I would lock them down in that cell, each to a wall, maybe the floor. They would only see sunlight again when I was ready to end them.”

“How?”

“Are you certain you wish to know?”

“I know you did not plan to end Ella. Would you do the same to them?”

I grinned viciously then and shook my head. “No.” I watched my lover swallow then before I continued. “I would take them to the courtyard. Then I would shift,” his eyes went wide then, “and I would snatch them in my claws, what was left of them and take them high over Skyhold before I hurled them down into the mountain side with all the strength of the dragon.” I watched a shiver run over him then and I shifted my grin to smile down gently at him. “No, ma Lath. I would not do that to everyone. I deal punishment as fit the crime in my own mind. To assault or attempt to assault my being, regardless of its form is to tempt the ire of the dragon.” I smiled at him then very differently. “It is why I tell you that you cannot hurt me.” He quirked a confused brow then. “I am dragon, my love. I want _you_ to touch me, and in so my body will heal as it needs.”

He was silent a moment and then asked, “Your, your bruising, that morning.” I smiled at him.

“When I slept, the bruising covered far more.” He grimaced and I pulled his face back around to look at me. “I wanted you to do it, Solas. Again and again. I wanted to feel your fingers imprinted in my flesh as you took me over and over.” I felt his heat shift in my hands, but I pressed on. “I wanted your hand print in my ass, your teeth marks on my back and neck as you fucked me harder and deeper.”

He shook then and swallowed. “Enough, Vhenan.” He breathed in then and I watched his body flush slightly.

“What’s wrong?”

He smiled at me and leaned up to kiss me, his hands still set at my sides. He set his forehead to mine then. “If you continue that conversation, I’m going to end up ‘fucking’ you again.”

My body heated in response to the thought and I pulled him down over me. “Sounds like a good way to spend the evening.” He growled down his response as he forced his breathing under control as I pull him forward over me onto the bed. He steadied himself just off of me and I smiled at him. “Come take what’s yours, my wolf.”

He did growl then. He kissed me quickly and sat back to glare at me. “Food.” _You’re distracting me again._

I smiled up at him. “If you insist, ma lath. Though I do like the idea of you fucking me like that again.” He smiled at me, the wolf smiled at me and he sat up, pulling me up with him.

“Food.”

I grinned. “Very well. I’ll leave off.” A light knock came to the door and I pulled my bathrobe and tugged it over the towel, tying it tight as he walked over to open the door.

“Your packs, m’sir.”

“Thank you,” Solas replied accepting the backpack and staff from the man. “Who would I call for dinner?”

“I’ll have it brought up immediately, m’sir.”

“Again, thank you.”

“Of course, m’sir.” A moment later, Solas closed the door. I knew that look and I stood and walked to him, taking the staff and placing it up against the dresser. He would need a moment as he stood there seething. I took the pack and began unloading into the dresser sets of clothing. A few minutes later, his anger eased but I stayed focused, loading drawers in proper orders.

He chuckled from behind me as I felt him squat down, his knees by either of my sides. “Do you always start from the bottom.”

“Structural integrity,” I said back, continuing. He smirked a scoff for a moment then laced his fingers in mine as I reached to unload further.

_Stars but you are perfect._

“Ma lath, I,” I began before another knock came to the door. He rose, releasing me to answer it.

“Thank you. Please set it on the bed.” The young elven girl stepped in and set the tray on the bed. She couldn’t have been a day over ten. I smiled at her and she grinned shyly then set the tray down and bowed out. Solas grit his teeth then as he closed the door. _Children. They abuse even our children._

I stood then and walked to him. I waited and he looked up at me ultimately only to sigh and look away. I raised my hand to the other side of his face, turning him slowly, gently back to me.

“I know, Vhenan.” I smiled at him then.

_Know what, ma lath?_

_ I know we are working on amending it, working on fixing the mistakes of my past._ I chuckled then and he finally met my eyes.

_We are working to conclude your goal, not fix your mistakes._ He quirked an eyebrow then and I leaned up and kissed him briefly before I released him and walked back over to the bed.

“What do you mean by that?” he asked. I lifted the lid to the tray and smiled over at him. He sighed and padded over, sitting opposite me.

I sliced off a piece of meat and chomped it down before I answered. “Things that take a long time to build take even longer to tear down completely,” I began. “What the Evanuris built, took centuries to remove from the minds of the People. They are now ready for the final process, the Veil’s removal and their own independence from the slavers they believe to be gods.” He sighed. “It was not a mistake, because a mistake implies that there were other options, better ones that would reach the same or a better conclusion.” I swallowed down another piece. “There weren’t.” He smirked then.

“You say that as if you’ve seen it yourself.” I looked up at him then sadly.

“I have.” The words came out as desolate as they felt. He stared up at me then. “Did you think I wouldn’t have researched that? Before Thedas, before knowing I could ever actually be yours?” He was frozen watching me then as the pain played across my features. I looked down at the tray then. “I know, what the Evanuris did. I know what they took. I know how they left you no choices, no options but to fight.” I sighed then and blinked back the tears. “They thought to break you.”

His hand appeared in my vision then and he tilted my chin up. I met a very different gaze. “They failed.” This was the Commander, the warrior that thousands stood behind willingly, because he did not lead from the back and his resolve would never break.

I smiled sadly at him. “I know that as well.” He smiled then.

“Hardly appropriate dinner conversation though.” I grinned then. It was a tease and it’d worked.

“What you prefer to discuss, ma lath?” He chuckled and I began slicing another piece off.

“You.” I quirked an eyebrow and paused, half way to lifting that slab to my lips. He chuckled. “You know so much about me. It seems rather unfair that I barely know anything about you.” I smiled.

“You know more than most.” I said and swallowed down the piece. He quirked a brow. “I don’t exactly open up to just anyone.”

“I can understand that. Though I would think I rank a little higher.” I chuckled.

“Much.” I smiled at him. I sighed after a moment of trying to figure out where to start. “You’ve seen parts of my past. Was there something particular you wanted to know about?”

He smiled at me then for a moment then said, “You.”

I smiled then and scoffed at the concept. “I really can’t think of where to start, ma lath. I don’t know what you want to know?”

“Everything.” I chuckled.

“That could take a while,” I told him, mocking his voice depth and he chuckled.

“I suppose that’s fair. We’ll start easy then. What did you eat?” I grinned at him as I knew what he was doing with that.

I sighed after a moment. “I’ve eaten far better here. I wasn’t exactly good to my body.” He quirked his eyebrow and I looked away. “I had no real reason to care.” I thought back then. “I ate best when Leo would fly me out to his home on the bay. He’d make me drink the smoothies he laced with vitamins that I pretended not to taste. He’d cook extravagant meals to try to tempt an appetite that had died years before.” I shook my head then. “I rarely ate much at home. I’d have a few light snacks through the day, might do it up one night a week and actually make a dinner but there wasn’t much call for it.” I sighed again, remembering and I won’t deny that I felt a smidge homesick. “I mean, what purpose is there for a meal that has to be cooked down in Old Man Kelly’s house and then carried up to my apartment. It was usually cold by then anyway,” I said on a shrug.

“Old Man Kelly?” I smiled and nodded, but I never looked up.

“Old Man Kelly owned a ranch, one of the larger ones and Leo had helped me get a job there and arrange to live in the apartment above the stables.”

“You lived in the stables?” he asked incredulously. I smiled at him then.

“Above them. There was a little apartment above and it meant I would only have to descend the ladder to start work for the day. I tended-”

“You lived in a hay loft?!” I smiled at him.

“Those aren’t used any more, Solas. Not since the invention of proper insulation for the stables and hay bales.” He looked confused.

“This could take more than a bit of time, ma lath, to explain everything. My world is so very different from Thedas at all.” I sighed. “We have minor similarities, people in general are stupid and disrespectful no matter where you are, if they can walk on you, they will. There are still sunrises and sunsets, still mountains and lakes and valleys and deserts, but,” I trailed off. “The people of my world haven’t used anything as basic as swords in combat nearly six hundred years. The ability to lead an army on horseback is something of distant legend to most of my world. Dragons were hunted to extinction for the fear of unknown, along with a hundred other species for multiple reasons. People don’t face each other on the field of battle. Instead they sit spinelessly behind a screen and talk-shit at each other where neither could ever possibly be in actual danger. The people of my world are nothing like Thedas. They have no idea what it is like to feel the pain of a blade and magic has been removed from my world entirely.” He sat back shocked then. “It is like some many centuries ago, likely during the Crusades, all magic users were made Tranquil, anyone that could teach or explain it was made Tranquil and anyone that presented it thereafter were called ‘witch’ and burned alive at on pyre.” His eyes went wide then. “I do not come from a world of magic and beauty as you do, Solas. I come from a world of the murkiest grey you could imagine. Nothing is quite right, nothing is quite wrong and for the right reasons, a man could rape and murder his family and walk away unpunished before the courts. Not because of his station, like here, but because he ‘could explain it’.” I watched his face blanch. “You’ve said a dozen times that, that the men of my world were lucky you could not reach them, but you don’t _truly_ understand how honest that statement is.” I paused a moment. “I do.”

“What, what do you mean?” he asked in a near whisper.

I reached over to him and laid my hand on his as I stared up into his eyes. “Were you to stand in my home and watch the people, normal everyday people doing what is normal and every day to them, you would rend the world. The wolf could find no reason to keep it whole.”

“What about people like you?”

I smiled sadly at him and looked away then.

“There aren’t, are there?” I shook my head.

“I’ve always been alone. I wasn’t normal when I was born, I wasn’t normal growing up with a dog bigger than most horses. I certainly wasn’t normal as a teenage that would rather bash a man’s face in than let him near her. I don’t make friends, because I didn’t want anyone near me. I had my books, I had my games. Before papa died, I would sing and after I would draw. I could sketch out my pain and frustration. I could read until I forgot the horrible place I lived in. I could let my imagination wander to Thedas and other worlds and wish that I could be there, to be a part of something that would matter, to be somewhere ‘better’.” I sighed. “Better?” I chuckled then. “Better became a world torn by war, destroying itself, but still beautiful.” I shook my head then. “It wasn’t like we didn’t have pines or flowers or grass. We had those things, but they were as lifeless and grey as the world around it.” I blinked then as I felt the tear in my eyes. “The world I’m from may not be at war, we may not have mages and Templars fighting over who should or did or can, but in its own way, it is a far worse world to live in. People get up, do the same thing ever day with the same dour expression. There is no real joy. People will fake it, make it seem like it with multiple drugs and severe levels of alcohol and debauchery, but at the end of the day, they are still miserable.” He touched my face after a few minutes of silence and I realized the tear had escaped. I tried to smile at him, but his expression ended it.

“People need a purpose to find happiness. Even if the purpose is as simple as having children and raising them to be better people, it is a purpose.” He sighed. “It sounds as though your entire planet lacked that.”

I smiled sadly. “An accurate assessment.”

“Where do you fit in that?” I grinned then, though the memory still pulled the edges down.

“I don’t.” He quirked his eyebrow again. “It’s why I wanted to live in that apartment, I wanted to work with the horses.” I looked away again and remembered. “I wanted to work for Old Man Kelly because he was a horse-master, like Dennett, but he was always smiling. He used to say that a man with a horse has more reason to smile than any.”

“Why’s that?” I grinned.

“I asked him the same thing.” I looked up at him then and the mirth won. “He said it was because no matter what he did, at the end of the day, the horse was still bigger.” Solas smiled, closed his eyes and shook his head a moment. “Old Man Kelly had less respect for ‘political correctness’ than Varric does.” I smiled down at the plate then. “He let me live and work there, and every day, I had a purpose, a reason to get up before the dawn, to work until my hands were raw and then climb those ladders back up to my apartment for the night.” I paused. “I had the horses. I had something else that needed me to remember to get up on time, to get out of bed no matter how tired or sick I felt. The horses couldn’t get their own hay and the desert mountain Old Man Kelly’s farm was in didn’t have enough for them to eat off the ground. They needed me. That was enough.” I grinned. “I’d wake, dress and descend. I’d break the water in the troughs that had iced over through the night, check the blankets, brush the waking horses, toss the hay bales and work myself into a good sweat before Old Man Kelly would ring the bell to call his family in for dinner. Then I’d wash up, climb into my bed and read until I slept.” I blinked then and felt the tears falling and shook my head.

I looked up to see him near stunned silent.

“It wasn’t so bad of a life. It was worse before and that was always my comfort.” His face contorted then.

_Comfort? In knowing it had been worse?_

I smiled sadly up at him. “My stepfather couldn’t hurt me anymore.” That shifted his expression quickly. “I didn’t have to constantly tell school-mates or other employees that I wasn’t interested in their advances or their after work or school parties.” He quirked his eyebrow then. “I just wanted my books.” I grinned then. “And once I found Thedas, once I found you,” I met his eyes smiling then, “I had no desire to do much other than my needed and go home, to read about you again, to sketch another image of you again.”

_Dedicated beyond reason._

“Wisdom is usually right.” He smiled then.

“That she is.”

I looked down then. “I don’t like talking about my life before because it’s either dry, or its horrid.” He sighed. “I remember a few times, times when it wasn’t but they were moments, rarely more than a few hours.” I smiled at him. “I’m stronger for it, I make no mistake there. And I don’t mean to sound all ‘woe is me’ with it. I am comfortable with the knowledge. I accepted it years ago.”

He shifted the tray out of the way and took my face in his hands for a kiss I could not have explained until he leaned back. “I am not comfortable with it.”

I grinned. “You don’t understand, Solas.” I couldn’t stop smiling at him as he quirked that eyebrow again. “I’m okay with it, because I get to have you now. None of that matters. It made me stronger, made me who I am, but,” I paused and smiled up at him. “I have you now. What difference should the rest make?”

He sat silent for a few moments, searching my eyes, searching for something, but I just smiled up at him. Nothing mattered beyond him, beyond his touch on my face and the blue eyes I loved so staring down at me.

_I could never deserve_, the thought ended to warning glare I gave him and he broke into smile. “But it’s true, ma vhenan.” He leaned down and kissed me then secured his grip on my face before adding, “I could never deserve you. Your loyalty and trust, your love for me is beyond belief or reason. I will dedicate the rest of my life to loving you to the best of my ability but I know, because I know me, I know I will come up short of that.” He paused and searched my eyes another moment before he added, “You are perfect.”

“Solas.”

“No, ma Lath, this isn’t for debate. You are perfect.” I blinked then as I felt my eyes sting and he leaned down and kissed me again. _Stars of the Fade, I don’t know how this happened, but I just don’t care. All that matters is you are here, with me, and I have a woman worth far more than just my hair._ I smiled then into the kiss and he leaned back and snuggled against my forehead and my eyes came open. “It’s still by the tub, Vhenan.”

I looked up at him smiling down at me. “Reading a lady’s thoughts isn’t very nice, ma lath.”

“I never claimed to be nice.” I grinned at him then.

“Let me go retrieve it, you need to eat,” I told him and he quirked an eyebrow. “You said before, I eat faster. Eat.” He chuckled and released me.

“Fair enough.”

“Master Solas. The Inquisitor craves a word with you. Would you follow me please?” The serving girl bowed to him then. Solas sighed.

“I’ll be fine, ma Lath. Just trying to decide on what to wear. I’ll join you in a minute.” He smiled at me and kissed my cheek before he turned and nodded to the girl and left our room. I chuckled. _Hovering, hovering, hovering. I’m fine. I didn’t turn into a fragile doll overnight._ I sighed and focused then. I knew what these floozies and their expensive dressmakers would come up with for every other girl there tonight, and though I was not trying to stand out, the ice of Antarctica would melt before they would ever get _me_ into one of those things.

I tried to think. I’d drawn me dancing with him before, seen what Mythal would wear, which was still a good bit more flamboyant than my tastes. No offense to the Lady but she had the demeanor to pull off that get up. I don’t. Similar though, I think. I pooled the images and began shifting through them in my mind, parts from this, pieces of that and formed my gown. It materialized and lay out on the bed before me then and I smiled as I opened my eyes. _Perfect._

_ Yes, you are._

I chuckled and began disrobing quickly.

[[[“You sent for me, Inquisitor?” Solas greeted.

“Yes, Solas. Thank you. You’re uh, dismissed,” Adaar said to the girl. Nine days now and he still wasn’t comfortable with the concept of ‘servants’.

“Your honor,” she bowed and left.

Adaar sighed as she disappeared around the corner. “First things first, how’m I doing?” Solas smiled at him and laid a hand on his shoulder only to straighten the collar as another walked by.

“You honor me by asking. I believe you are doing quite well.” Lower he said. “She believes so as well. We have nearly discovered the dangers. Tonight it will head, she has said so.” Adaar swallowed hard and Solas raised his eyebrows causing the young man to straighten and put on his firmer face. “Good,” Solas said and stepped back. “You look very presentable, my lord.”

“Better than Cassandra, at least,” Leliana shot back and glared at her companion.

Cassandra straightened. “I will not be paraded like a show pony. I wear what I am most comfortable with.” Josephine sighed.

“Could you not have found a dress to go over the armor?”

Cassandra snapped her belt down tighter to her hips and glared at the Ambassador. “And that would do what if it were needed?”

“Ugh.” Josephine sighed hard. “Inquisitor, please.” Adaar smiled and turned to look at Cassandra who gave him a ‘try it’ glare.

He chuckled. “I would never ask any woman to make themselves uncomfortable for my sake. If it pleases you, _Lady_ Cassandra,” he still struggled with it and she smiled at him making him cough to clear his mind, “then I am happy, to enter with you in your armor.”

“Why did she insist on this order? It makes no sense,” Leliana stated.

Solas smiled at her. “Neither did evacuating Haven early.” Leliana sat back then and blushed. “I follow her lead when she has specific instructions because they are yet to be wrong.”

Leliana nodded then.

“I won’t deny, I’m a little nervous to be following right behind Duke Gaspard,” Cullen stated.

Solas actually looked compassionately at him. “Just remember that the two best players of the Game in all Orlais will be walking at either side of you. Follow their lead.” Cullen nodded.

“Thank you.”

“Then why did she insist on Cassandra coming with me?” Adaar asked. Solas grinned at him.

“She did actually explain that one, as I had asked the same.”

“Oh?” Cassandra asked.

“She said, second to herself, you will have the strongest woman in the room with more audacity than any fool would dare try to contest. They will know to look on the ‘Hero of Orlais’ with respect and any beside her with deference.” Cassandra grinned.

“I am flattered she thinks so highly of me.”

“And why would I not?” All eyes turned and Solas felt his stomach flutter and his mouth come open. Walking down the stairs to them was his lover, but…

_Fade stars!_ His gaze raked over her and he felt himself heat without the will to fight it. She’d gowned herself in something so simple and elegant he couldn’t look away. The gloves were her favorite midnight blue, trimmed in silver flames across the tops just below her armpit. Fine and without seam through them, they present delicate hands beautifully as he stepped to her and held his hand to hers. He leaned and kissed the back of the knuckle to smile up at her. The choker pendant off set the dress that revealed all of her shoulders, making his teeth ache to bite across them. The dress itself started in a corset like top pressing perfect bosoms high on her chest in her usual way but bringing further attention as it encased them and trailed tight to hourglass her torso. The gown was consistently the single midnight blue color seamed in the same silver flames at bosom and bottom, but the mesh lace of stars started at her chest nearly black and ended lighter blue against the floor. The dress made him think of the night sky and he smiled at her. It was not the puffed out crinoline of Orlais that surrounded her lower body though. It was fabric loose but falling by her form in flowing waves. _She will be the envy of every woman of the court tonight._

“Do I want to know which _boots_ you chose for that?” Her light chuckle lifting his heart into his throat then.

“Leo would never forgive me for wearing boots with something like this.” She reached down and balled some of the gown in her hands to lift it off the floor slightly. Solas fought the urges then.

Her feet were not encased in boots, but her toes instead showed through straps, fine blue straps over heels that only set him to aching further.

Josephine said it before he could, “You look beautiful.” Judging by her tone, Solas wondered if she wasn’t just as affected as he was.

“Indeed.” He straightened and proffered his arm, which Athena linked hers in happily to look up at him.

“Are we ready?”

“She asks if there are any last questions.” Solas had to fight his natural urge to puff out his chest. The most beautiful thing in existence was linked arms with him and was _his_. The urge to growl out a challenge to all comers was easier to fight and more familiar one too.

“When this is over, you simple must tell me who your dressmaker is,” Leliana stated with a smile. His Athena smiled back and pointed a single finger back into her chest. “Truly? You make your own?”

She spoke and Solas smiled as he relayed. “How else would a bastard dress?” Leliana grinned at her and Cassandra smiled.

“Are you actually comfortable in that?” She swung her head side to side in a yes and no way and Cassandra grinned.

The music stopped then and the announcer’s voice could be heard throughout this section of the Palace. “And now presenting.” Athena gave them the shooing motion and they followed down. Solas paused to lean over her ear then.

“When the night is over, leave the dress on.” She chuckled again.

“If that is what you wish for, my love.”

“It is,” he said and led them forward. ]]]

We reached the stairs outside the foyer and Sera was waiting for us. She ‘ugh’d’ and started in then. “If you think I’m linking arms with sum stuffy-faced, elven-glory,” I shook my head. “Good, cause I won’t.”

I smiled at her. “You will lead, and we will be a step behind. Wouldn’t want you associated with a bastard.” Solas relayed perfectly and Sera looked me over once and grinned.

“Nicest bastard I’ve met.” I had to lift a hand to my mouth to keep my grin contained. “You look lovely by the way. Don’t know if he’s said it but I’m gonna.” I bowed to her and she ‘pshed’ and stepped up behind Bull.

I watched the procession and shivered once, only to have him pat my hand in his arm.

Josephine, Cullen and Leliana were just clearing the floor. “Lord Inquisitor Adaar. Shepherd and Leash of the wayward Order of Templar. Purger of the Heretics from the ranks of the Faithful!”

I heard Varric then, “This guy writes better fiction than I do,” and I smiled.

“Champion of the Blessed Andraste herself. And accompanying the Inquisitor: Lady Seeker Cassandra Allegra Portia Calogera Filomena-”

“Get on with it!” Cassandra snapped and I had to suppress a grin.

He paused, “Pentaghast. Fourteenth Cousin of the King of Navarra, nine times removed. Hero of Orlais and Right Hand of the Divine.” Gasps around the crowd as they entered arm in arm were expected but it made me smile. He was getting closer. A little help and he’d have it. I would see to that later.

She even looked moderately happy, until.

“How could she?”

“Armor in the house of the Empress?”

“What does she think this is?” Celene smiled down at her though.

“My Lady. It has been so long since you last came to visit. I am most pleased you could attend, and that your tastes have not strayed far it would seem.”

Cassandra grinned at her. “Still wearing armor, still stubborn as ever. That’s never going to change.” Celene grinned then.

“Welcome to my party.” Adaar and Cassandra bowed and exited the floor.

“As guests of the Inquisitor: the known and loved Madame Vivienne, First Enchanter of the Circle of Magi, Enchanter to the Imperial Court, and Mistress of the Duke of Ghislain.” Vivienne curtsied perfectly as Dorian walked down the opposite terrace. “And Lord Dorian Pavus, Member of the Circle of Vyrantium, son of the Lord Magister Halward Pavus of Asariel.” They walked side by side, stride for stride and I forced myself not to grin though it was harder. They were still trying to out-pomp the other. Formal bows to Celene on the opposite side and they were off the floor. “The Iron Bull, Leader of the Famed mercenary company ‘Bull’s Chargers’ and Renowned author Varric Tethras. Head of the Noble house Tethras, Deshyr of Kirkwall to the Dwarven Merchant Guild.” I took a deep breath then as they stepped down to face Celene.

I felt him tighten his grip slightly as Sera, in typical Sera fashion walked down the opposite terrace us like a four year old might if they were humming a ditty. “And Her Ladyship, Mai Bhasych of Korse.” She began snickering then and it was all I could do to keep a smile instead of bursting into a grin as Solas lead us down the foyer. The next line however made it far easier. Sera’s antics could not ease that one. “The Lord Inquisitor’s elven serving man, Solas.” My skin heated instantly.

_Peace, my love. I instructed him to do that._ I drew a steadying breath and looked out passed the assembled crowd to the beauty that was the Empress of Orlais, her golden hair barely showing the silver within.

_Suppose it’s bad taste to out dress the host?_ He smiled then.

“And lastly, the Nightingale’s bastard elven servant, Aethien.” I did smile then.

_She would. That way if anyone wants to know anything, they have to go through her. Clever, spymaster._ We began our walk then, a pace behind Sera. It was antithesis in action. Sera was purposely clunky in her walking and threw sneers to either side at the gasped faces, while Solas and I walked behind, straight faced, eyes forward, plastered smiles and flowing movement that seemed to stream the dress out behind me only slightly.

“Where did she steal that?”

“To dress like that in the Empress’ Court. For shame.”

“Who permits a bastard to serve?”

Their words were nothing. I’d heard far worse and I smiled as I approached the final side where Celene looked down. Sera executed a half bow and nearly stormed off. Apparently she hadn’t upset as many as she’d wanted. Celene’s gaze fell on us and while he bowed perfectly, I performed an act I had not used in years: a curtsy nearly to the floor with my head bowed and drew back up. _Smooth as a marionette_. I could still hear papa’s voice and I blinked back the surprise as she returned it.

“Welcome.”

“Your majesty,” Solas greeted and slid his arm back into mine to lead me away. A moment out of the crowd and he asked, “Where did you learn that?”

“Papa.” He smiled sadly down at me then.

“You do him justice.” I smiled up at him then.

“Well that was most entertaining,” Leliana stated walking over to us as the announcer continued with his next guests. She drew her brow up and I looked up at her. “Would you like to explain that?”

I shook my head and she grinned.

“Of course not. What do you think we should do?” I smiled at her.

“Sample the frilly cakes and dance. It’s a party. Adaar knows what he has to do.” Solas chuckled.

“She says that we should enjoy the party and sample the ‘frilly cakes’.” Leliana quirked an eyebrow at me and I nodded to the question. Clearing her expression, she righted herself and led us to Josephine, who was having a bear of a time trying to explain Adaar lineage to a dozen courtiers.

“Wait here,” Leliana stated and stepped to her friend’s aid. I smiled at her. She was back in her element and it showed. Home was different for everyone and the excitement of the Game had always been home to Leliana.

Solas turned me to face him then. “Frilly cakes?” I blushed lightly.

“I might have noticed them on the way down to the steps.” He smiled.

“You like ‘frilly cakes’?”

“I’ve never tried them. Wanted to but, as I’ve said, I’ve never sought out those kind of things.” He smiled at me.

“Then we will have to see that you try them.” Lower he asked, “Will I be needed tonight?”

I smiled and lifted his hand, pretending to straighten a perfect cuff. “Not until later. I will inform you when you will be needed, but most the night, you and the others are distraction, so he can do what he must.” He smiled as I patted the arm and released him.

“Many thanks.”

“You serve the Inquisitor?” the lady asked as she stepped nearly between us. He schooled his expression as I reminded myself not to lose it on pompous nobles for the millionth time this visit.

“I do,” Solas replied.

“How do you serve him? Does he?” The lady trailed off.

Solas scoffed. “I find your question offense. What was your name? I’m certain the Inquisitor would love to know the name of the base of such slander.” His anger came so quickly it almost seemed genuine.

“I meant no offense. It is just that in Orlais, a man does not usually bring a _male_ servant to such events.”

“So you thought to just assume?”

“As I said I meant no offense.”

“With what, Lady Trevyllan?” Josephine asked politely.

“The lady was asking if the Inquisitor brought me because he fancies men,” Solas stated the Lady gasped. Josephine smiled a moment then noticeably schooled her expression.

“Now, Solas. I know the Inquisitor brought you at my request, but let’s not make the poor lady flush.” She turned to the noble. “Come away, my lady. I’m afraid speaking with servants is never a comfortable thing,” she said comfortingly and I watched Leliana’s grin spread across her face.

“You have to hand it to her, she knows her nobles.”

Solas nodded and I tried not to seethe. _This trip cannot be over with fast enough. _

“For which we are all grateful,” Solas replied. Leliana smiled at him.

“Do you think they realize she does it?”

I smirked and shook my head. “Those that do, aren’t sure how to respond but most have no idea that she could orchestrate them into it.”

Leliana, Solas and I spoke for a while, watched others dance and watched Josephine at her greatest. She could manipulate a hurricane, I’d swear by it. Finally I remembered and had to ask. “You introduced me as _your_ bastard servant?” I asked her. Solas relayed and she smiled down at me.

“I did. And if any wish information, let them _try_ to get it out of me.” I smiled at her. I knew her abilities in this court as well as she did, and the chance of any getting information from her that she didn’t purposely let slip to hide other information was more than unlikely.

I nodded to her with a barely concealed grin.

“I was going to take her down to the dessert tables,” Solas stated softly as the memory of our entry recurred to him. “It would seem our guest has never had the ‘frilly cakes’.”

“Oh, you simply must try them,” Leliana stated and turned to lead the way, talking the whole way. “I’m fond of all of them though my favorites have to be the root tops.”

“Root tops?”

Solas paused to look down at me a moment. “Yes, root tops.”

“Do they not have root tops where you’re from?” Leliana asked.

“I am uncertain what a root top is so I’m unsure how to answer.” Solas relayed perfectly and Leliana smiled over her shoulder at me.

“They draw them in the icing on top of the cakes. I can show you.” I smiled and nodded. As we descended and she showed me it registered.

“Oh, root tops. We call them carrots.”

“Care rots?” Solas mimicked quirking his eyebrow.

“Why would you call them that?” Leliana asked.

I shrugged. “Someone a long time ago called them carrots. We’re lazy.” Solas chuckled then and relayed and Leliana began laughing too.

“All the same, you must try one, though I have reservation on at least three.” I grinned at her as she proffered one on a tiny plate.

“Very well.” I said. _Is this an actual finger food or is this something I should be looking for utensils for?_ Solas smiled.

_Finger, though try not to suck on them after._

I reached then with my loose hand only to freeze.

“Something wrong?” Leliana asked. I knew she didn’t miss the dozen or so people staring at us. I shook my head and accepted.

_Ladies in Orlais are supposed to be dainty things. Bite, don’t pop._ I have never been comfortable with people watching me eat, but as soon as my mouth came open at all, gasps seemed to echo around us.

“They are jealous of your pristine teeth, dear,” Leliana said as I halted again. I smiled and bit into it only to grin.

I swallowed it down and tongued the icing from my teeth. _It’s carrot cake. They have carrot cake and something not far off of cream cheese icing._

_Is there another kind of cheese then cream?_

I smiled at him, and then looked up at Leliana. “It is quite delicious. Thank you.” Solas relayed and Leliana gestured for me to finish it as she loaded that plate with a sample of what I had to guess was one of every flavor of ‘frilly cake’. “Please, Solas. Tell her I don’t,” but the look on Solas’ face silenced me.

He was smiling, but his expression stated if Leliana hadn’t, he would have.

“I forgot. You like frilly cakes so even if I don’t down them.” He grinned a moment and then returned to his smile.

“I would never deprive you the experience, but yes, they are a favorite of mine.”

“You like them too, Solas?” Leliana asked and Solas nodded to her. “Completely wonderful,” she stated with a smile and set two more on the plate. “I’ll have to see if Josie can get them imported.” I felt the Veil wall surge and looked up then toward the inner gardens, and she paused. “Aethien!” I looked back over. “I was talking to you.” She was playing for the crowd. She shoved the plate at Solas and marched up the stairs. “Come on.” She played angry well.

The moment we were out of view of everyone she turned to me. “What happened?”

“It will begin soon.” Solas relayed.

“How long do we have?”

“A dance, maybe two.” Solas relayed then as someone came around the corner.

“Does your bastard dance?” the gentleman asked.

“Not with shemlins,” I stated and Solas nodded.

“She does, though I’m particular about who I let touch her. She was rather expensive.” She turned then as if she’d only just thought of it. “Solas, would you be so kind? I’m certain the Inquisitor would not mind if I borrowed you for a moment, to show her dancing abilities?”

Solas looked torn a moment. “I suppose the Master would not mind.” He looked down at me then and executed a perfect bow. “Will you dance with me, my lady?” he asked, extending his hand to me.

“That is not a lady. It’s a bastard.”

_Speaking of bastards_, I thought sarcastically, but Solas merely lowered his head further. He was as much a master at this as Leliana or Josephine, only they didn’t know it. I looked back at Leliana with my best ‘may I’ face and she nodded. I turned back and placed my hand in his then.

“Take her to the floor, Solas. I’d rather not show this more than once,” Leliana instructed regally.

_She has no idea that you damned near orchestrated that_, I thought with a pleasant smile as we stepped down the stairs.

_Not a one._ The song was just changing and this would give Leliana the time she needed to move her people. I barely suppressed the giggle as the ballroom shifted to the salsa start.

_Time to show off the dress._ He smiled and adjusted his stance as well.

_You remember?_

_ Perfectly._ It was one of the dances I enjoyed most. Once I had the footing down for it, it was just a sexy dance with the man I loved. I had memorized it faster than any other. Several others kept up for a while, but they faded as we danced. Nothing matter beside him, nothing beyond the song and the dance.

He ended lifting me to him, nearly from the floor, and I smiled up at him before he stepped back and bowed to me and I curtsied to him as I had Celene, just not as far down. My legs felt a little too shaky to try that.

Celene was in her box clapping and I looked up and blushed. “One more?” she asked then.

“I would beg of her majesty,” Solas began, “something slower.” Laughter around and Celene nodded.

“A four step then?”

Solas bowed. “It would be my honor.” Then he turned to me. “With your permission?”

_Which is four step?_

_ The first you learned._

I looked about for Leliana for a moment then executed the hesitant shy nod of the maid. He smiled and stepped to me, pulling me up as he had before. He looked back at Celene who grinned at us before, “I will hear the four-step. Those willing, dance it for me.” The music started and near everyone began on the dance floor, but as before, the people faded from my view. It became just us and the music as before and I moved as he lead, flowing with him across the floor in sweeps at points in short steps at others, but he was the perfect frame through it all, gentle under and never once did our bodies come full apart, always a hand or leg touching as we flowed through the dance. The dance ended abruptly as the sound of combat filled the area and Solas pulled me to the side as Adaar marched towards Celene. He was coated in blood, his left arm hanging loosely.

“Seize the Grand Duchess,” he called. “She means to assassinate the Empress.” Leliana’s scouts were already in range and had the woman contained almost before she could draw her blade. The Empress was yanked back behind Gaspard, whose blade was drawn to defend her as he stared unbelieving at his sister.

“Impossible,” he growled at her. “I wish for the crown, I play the game but assassinating an empress at a peace talk?” He was nearly distraught. It was a good thing Leliana’s men had been there, as there was no way he would have been able to fight his own sister.

“You would have done the same. Do not look on me so. Coreypheus will come for you all,” she shouted then and Adaar walked up and slammed a fist into the side of her head to the horrification of many.

“In general,” he stated and the crowd seemed to fall into a hush, “I try my damnedest not to hit a woman, but tonight, I make exception.”

“Thank you, Gaspard, Inquisitor,” Celene was even taken off her game. “It would seem that I was in more danger than even I thought.”

“You’ll need to go to him now,” I whispered to Solas. He bowed off to me to hurry to Adaar, who he promptly set healing magics into, defusing the crowd’s astonishment.

[[[Solas leaned to his ear then as he began wiping the blood away. “The dragon sent me. Remember that I am your serving man.” Adaar nodded dumbly then.

“Would you join me away from others?” Celene asked, “Both of you?” she amended looking up at her cousin. He bowed to her, though he still nearly trembled as the Inquisition scouts hauled his unconscious sister away.

Solas spoke for Adaar then. “The Inquisitor will be along shortly, your majesty. He’s sustained a few injuries, if you could give us a moment. I’m sure he’ll be glad to lend you a few of the Inquisition soldiers, for your own comfort.” Adaar made a swift hand gesture on an exhausted breath and four scouts stepped forward to kneel before Celene.

“It would be our honor to serve.” Celene nodded and stepped out onto the balcony then with them and Gaspard.

“What else did the dragon say?” Adaar whispered back as Solas gentled healing energies through him and he watched other scouts start pressing the people back away from them.

“That you would need me. Seems she was right.” He leaned up against Adaar then and snapped his shoulder back into place with a sickening pop. Several in the throne room had to quickly excuse themselves, some didn’t make it out of the throne room before the rich food returned.

Adaar’s scream became a sigh of relief. “Thank you.” Solas continued to pulse healing magics into him a moment.

“What exactly happened?” Solas whispered up to him as other scouts moved people farther away, insisting on air for their Inquisitor.

“We found out all three were playing each other, Gaspard, Briala, even Celene. Only card that made no sense was Florianne. Then she ambushed me in the gardens. Thought I’d roll over and die.” He gasped then as Solas reset the elbow on that arm as well.

“She made a mess of you.”

Adaar grinned a moment. “That she did. But I’m more resilient than she anticipated.” Solas snorted to that and sealed the gash on his thigh. Adaar sighed exasperatedly and Solas looked up at him. “I’ll have to go out there shortly, deal with this mess.”

“I bought you a moment. Use it well,” Solas stated and Adaar smiled down at him and sheathed his daggers.

“Thank you, Solas.”

“Just remember, Inquisitor, we need allies. If you can get them all to agree to a cease fire if not a truce, you win the greatest victory this evening.” Adaar groaned.

“I am truly sick of playing games, Solas.” Solas threw him a warning glare and Adaar sighed. “No, you’re right. I’ll keep my temper in check.” Solas smiled at him then and patted his shoulder.

“I’m going to go check on her. Be careful,” he advised and Adaar smiled.

“Thank you, Solas.”

Cassandra met him first as he descended the stairs back to the others. Her expression read quickly, Solas nodded to her. “His wounds are healed and sealed. He’ll need to rest them but _that_ thankfully is not my job.” Cassandra smiled at him as she remembered the line.

“I will certainly try.” Solas nodded to her then.

“I will seek out the spymaster and be sure she is also made aware of his injuries.” Cassandra barely contained her grin.

“That would be very good. Thank you, Solas.” He bowed off to her and began searching the room of panicking nobles for the only face that mattered.

He searched for several minutes without finding her or Leliana. His heart began to race. _Athena?_ It tripled cadence when he went without response for several moments. _Athena._ He felt himself shorten in breath as he mind began racing. Again silence. A thousand things could go wrong at any moment in the Winter Palace. Had they missed something? Someone? Had something happened? Did someone discover her? Did they have someone that _could _translate High Elven? What would they…

A loud whistle caught his attention. He looked out to see Cullen waving him over. He walked over the Commander, weaving through hysterical humans, reminding himself that Cullen bore no love for him either. Things might get more interesting than even she had thought tonight.

Cullen gestured for him to lean in and cautiously he did. “Leliana is with the dragon.” Solas stepped back to stare up at him and Cullen gestured that they should walk out to the foyer for further discussion. Solas nodded and followed.

The foyer had a few but not nearly as many people in it. It was quieter and most here were either bowed over a pot, or comforting one who was.

Cullen stood nearly on top of him as he whispered, “Apparently the girl got dizzy and then collapsed.” Solas couldn’t stop his face from showing the distress then, but he froze. He needed to hear the rest, needed to let Cullen finish. “Leliana had Bull take her back to your chambers. None of the three have returned yet, so I’m assuming they are still together.” Solas nodded numbly then. “Solas.” He looked up and to his surprised saw actual concern on Cullen’s face. “Leliana insists she’ll be fine. But she is resting in your room.” He shifted. “No one would blame you if you didn’t stay for the end of the evening. ‘Spent too much energy healing the Inquisitor’?” Solas smiled sadly up at Cullen then. The man had actually taken the time to try to find a reason why Solas ‘legitimately’ would not be there.

“I, think I would like a rest,” Solas stated. Cullen nodded and smiled briefly.

“Take the night,” Cullen did not bother to conceal his voice as he stepped back. “We begin the long journey home tomorrow. Rest well.”

“Thank you, Commander. Please tell the Inquisitor I am sorry I could not be with him through the night.”

“I’m sure he’ll understand.” Solas bowed and walked off to the rooms then.

“I need to get word to Solas, about where she is,” Leliana stated as she stood from the bed.

“I’ll go get him,” Bull said. “The Chargers’ll guard the room well enough and with you in here, she’s as safe as she can be.” Leliana smiled up at him.

“Attempting to earn good graces, Iron Bull.”

“Eh, you like me or you don’t. Not my problem. But I agree, Solas should be brought to her.”

“No need.” Solas stepped passed him into the room and walked straight to the bed. He sat beside her then. Athena was paled out but at first glance otherwise seemed okay. She thrashed once and he felt the power surge off of her. He set his hands then to her head and began searching through her, slowly drifting his hands down over her.

He paused on her stomach. It was as he thought. He moved his hands in opposite directions over her stomach once then, reinforcing the tiny Veil within and sighed. He would need to be careful when he cast for the next little while. The energy being drawn from his magic was not solid enough to withstand him pulling at the outer Veil. It had pulled from this one and the magic within had rendered his mate unconscious. He nuzzled down against her neck unhappily.

“I will not bring myself to regret it, but this may have been a mistake.”

“What?” He looked up then. He’d actually forgotten the others in the room. Bull’s eyebrow rose half up his forehead and Leliana was kneeling next him, a concerned look playing over her face. “What might have been a mistake?” she asked.

He sighed and sat upright. “You know that she is pregnant.” Leliana nodded. “Her body has a specific magic pattern, but where she is naturally dragon, I am elf.” Leliana raised an eyebrow then. “Plainly,” Solas began as if merely educating a student, reminding himself that Leliana knew near nothing of magic, “her body’s natural magic patterns do not match with the child. I had to form a protective barrier for her.” He sighed and looked sadly down at his sleeping lover. “When I reached out for my magic to heal the Inquisitor just now, it pulled from that barrier.”

Leliana sat back then, eyes wide as the realization hit. “Then-”

“Yes, spymaster. If I cast at all for the next month or so, I risk my mate and my child.” He met her eyes then and Leliana flew through the thoughts racing across her expression.

“Then you cannot. The Inquisition will see that you have no need to.”

Bull snorted. “Not like an entire army can’t keep two elves, well sort of elves, safe.”

“That is not the Inquisitions purpose.”

“Perhaps not,” Leliana began, “but I _can_ promise you that Adaar will see it the same way. Especially after how many traps she saved him (and even me) from here.” Leliana nodded as more affirmation for herself. “Adaar will rightfully insist on her protection and in this case, yours.”

Solas sat quiet a moment. “I suppose there is no other way,” he admitted letting his gaze return to Athena’s face. He nodded then. “I do apologize, spymaster. I had never intended to burden the Inquisition.”

Leliana clapped his shoulder. As he looked up, she smiled at him. “We _all_ owe her at least enough to protect her child, if not her mate.” Solas smiled sadly back.

“That is perhaps a better way to look at it.”

Leliana stationed two scouts outside of his door. She was willing to give them the privacy of the door, but that was all and Bull’s unfortunate comment about Athena’s vulnerability in this state ended in it being no less than two. Following her decision and assigning scout-guard rotation for the evening, she and Bull left. There was no real consolation to be found in the time he had. She was beautiful in her dress, though her face, now regaining color, only showed that she slept peacefully.

He snuggled down beside her after dressing down himself and pulling the shoes away, though the tiny buckles took some getting used to. He pulled her sleeping form close and forced himself not to think on how cool she felt. _I’ll protect you, my heart._ His last thoughts before sleep claimed him.

“_Solas.”__ Her voice was always a relief to hear as she softly called to him. He lay there basking in it a moment.__ “Solas. Ma lath?”__He opened his eyes to see her sitting above him and he smiled. Sh__e greeted him with a gentle smile down at him. She touched his face as gently as ever. “My sad, lonely wolf.” She leaned down and kissed him gently, before pulling him up with her, her legs to either side of him, her feet pressing just above his knees as she smiled down at him. “My love,” she wrapped her arms behind him and leaned slowly into kiss him again as he trailed his hands over her thighs and behind her back, “my world.”__ And then… she disappeared, gone as if she never were save the taste on his lips._

_ The tortured scream echoed about him then. “Solas!!” _

The scream of his dreams drew him full awake and upright, “Athena!” She sat up beside him then.

“Here, ma lath. I’m here,” she said softly, stroking tender hands by his face. He couldn’t help but stare down at her, almost unbelieving. The dream had felt far too real. “It was just a nightmare, Solas.”

_Solas!_ the sound still echoing through him. He snagged her up to him then and burned a kiss into her, pulling her tighter, kissing deeper, pulling in breath quick and hard. He needed her, his light in the darkness and he kissed her with that need, buried it in her soft lips and her gentle warmth flowed into him as before, her tenderness was his ease for the heated scars of ages past. Briefly he felt guilty for pulling her awake with him to kiss his pains away. He only got to feel it briefly before teeth found and secured his bottom lip and she glared up at him. He couldn’t help but smile then.

_I won’t say it._ Her need to lick that lip before she released it sent a different jolt through him, but she sat back to smile up at him, as loving and dedicated as ever.

“I’m here, ma lath. It was just a dream.” He grinned then.

“Will you comfort our daughter the same way?” he asked as the thought struck him and she grinned.

“Without the kissing part.”

He barely managed not to break his mouth open with his grin as he slid his arms behind her to pull her to him more gently. “Mm. But I like the kissing part.”

“And it is for you alone,” she said then leaned up and brushed his lips once with hers. “But you need rest, ma lath.” He stared down at her gently then.

_She really has become so much more than my heart._ He grinned then. _My Athena, my world._ He kissed her then back into the bed, before he lay over her a moment, just staring down at his mate. “I have you to myself for scant few hours yet. If you think I plan to spend them asleep,” he began only to lean in and kiss her in a way that could not be mistaken, a way that would need no explaining as she clung to him, opening for him as he willed.]]]


	20. Differences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Athena slips once and spends most the rest of the trip back to Skyhold trying to explain the differences she knows of between Earth and Thedas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story contains massive spoilers for the game. Please note, that if you are reading, I take no responsibility for ruining game plot you haven't gotten to yet.  
Also, I use multiple songs within the story. I do not claim ownership to these songs. All copyrights belong to the original authors. (I'm just a huge fan :P)

Chapter 20: Differences

“Inquisitor,” Celene called from the balcony porch of the castle as all were mounting. We were the last to leave as she wanted to speak with Cassandra and Leliana, and Gaspard insisted the Inquisition remain as a ‘protective’ force in case any of his sister’s minions were still around. Celene looked down and Briala was leading a halla over.

“The three of us agreed that you should have something to take back with you, as a thank you for uniting our war torn country,” Briala stated extending the reins. Adaar looked down at the little elf.

“While I appreciate the offer,” he began.

“You have elven servants who could use it,” Briala tried to interject and Adaar lost it.

“_I_ do not keep _servants_!” He was done playing their ‘stupid games’ and made it only too clear in his tone. “Every member of the Inquisition serves because they want to, _where_ they want to.” He was becoming the Inquisitor we would need and the thought made me smile.

“I meant no offense, Inquisitor,” Briala said much more calmly. His nostrils flared a dozen times before he settled.

“I appreciate your offer. We will make use of it,” he stated and looked back at me. He bowed and gestured to the halla. “My Lady.” I smiled and walked up.

“Know your place, bastard,” Briala called, though she snapped around to the smiling, full body laugh of Celene.

“Mind yourself, my dear,” Celene called down to Briala as she settled. “And please remember that in Orlais, _nothing_ is what it appears.” I smiled, and though I was in full riding gear, I curtsied to the ground again and rose.

“What are you then?” Briala asked confused.

“My greatest ally,” Adaar announced and knelt. I walked to him and slid my hand under his chin and he rose smiling at me.

Solas stepped beside him. “May I, my lord?” Adaar smiled at him.

“Party’s finally over, Solas, and I tire of this _game,_” he sneered. “Take your mate. You’ll ride back as you rode to Skyhold to begin with.” Solas smiled at him and clapped his shoulder.

“I may owe you a favor after this, Inquisitor,” Solas replied and turned and lifted me onto the back of the striped halla, then launched himself up behind me. Briala cocked an eyebrow at both of us. “You have argument with the Inquisitor’s instruction?”

“Not at all. Merely surprised.”

“My things are on my horse, Solas.” Briala cocked an eyebrow at me then.

“If you have something to say, simply say it. No need for concealing languages.”

Solas chuckled and her gaze went to him then. “She does not try to conceal, but she _cannot_ speak the common tongue. And she was merely asking her horse be attended as her things are packed there.” Briala nodded and stepped back then.

“Again, I meant no offense.”

“She does not offend me,” I stated. Solas was grinning as he relayed judging by his tone.

I looked over at Adaar who smiled up at me then mounted, shouting, “Move out!” He wheeled his horse to turn to Celene. “Thank you, your majesty, for hosting us at this most entertaining party.”

Celene smiled at him. “Thank you, Inquisitor, for my life. You will have the forces you need and we will be sure Coreypheus knows the power of Orlais.” The guards behind her straightened. Briala turned back and cast a single look up at the two of us and withdrew.

_The books were never clear on that, Solas._

_ On what, my heart_? He asked as he turned the halla to ride to the Inquisitor’s right. Cassandra on his left made an attempt not to grin.

_Briala. They made it clear she provided information and even give where _some_ of her information came from, but it was never made clear if she was one of yours?_

He chuckled and slid me back tight against him as we rode at a leisurely stroll for the halla. He kissed the back of my ear and it was all I could do not to vocalize the feeling. “She is,” he whispered then.

_That was why she was surprised._ I could feel the pride radiating off him as we rode.

_Yes. The most beautiful woman at the ball, the woman that had every head turning as she danced around the floor with the serving man as if the ball had been in her honor and not Celene’s._ I blushed then. _Do not feel embarrassed about it, my heart. You could outshine the stars in that dress._ I blushed hard then and looked out over the gardenscape as we marched out. “I have said it before but it bears repeating, the men of your world-”

“Enough, Solas. I know you have less than a low opinion of them but not all were horrible. Is it wrong for the wolf to hunt the rabbit?”

“What does that have to do with it?”

“A wolf hunts, because it is his nature to hunt and the rabbit runs for fear, but inspiring a faster chase.” He nodded and braced up. “The men of my world behave as is taught to them as natural, and the women react as they are taught as natural. Are either wrong?” He chuckled and squeezed me gently back to him, only to set his hand on my stomach.

“My daughter will know better.” Adaar grinned but kept his face forward and Cassandra nearly glowed.

“Bet your ass.”

“Again with that expression. Why would anyone bet one’s body parts?” They both looked over confused then.

“It is an expression. You bet your body part because there is absolutely no chance of losing.”

He scoffed. “I fear I will never understand your world, Vhenan.”

“Care to explain?” Adaar asked still looking over confused.

“Apparently, where she is from it is common to use an expression about betting one’s body part, because they are very sure of the result.”

“That’s revolting,” Cassandra blurted.

“They don’t actually bet,” I stated and Solas relayed.

“Still, how could anyone consider _saying_ such a thing?” I smiled at her, a smile that faded as I realized how that would have to be explained.

_Cole?_ He appeared walking beside us then.

“I will.” I smiled at him briefly before beginning and he met my words with inflection and tone.

“I will explain, Lady Cassandra, but you will not like what you hear.” She nodded then and sidled closer. Adaar blushed but she couldn’t see it as he was facing me. “In my world,” I sighed and tried a different approach, “here, you live by your word, you live with your honor. To tell someone that you will pay them the debt, means you will, yes?”

“Of course,” she replied.

“That is not so where I am from.”

“They say things and don’t mean them.”

“Everyone will occasionally say something and not mean it, Lady Cassandra.”

“Please stop with the ‘lady’s’. I had enough of that as a child.”

“As you would have it.” I wet my lips and pressed on. “In the world of my birth, a person’s words are often equated to a pie crust as they are easily made and easier broken.” Everyone around us gasped back then. “To promise safety or promise a coin, is weighed by the other carefully. We learn to distinguish poor liars early on, as it is expected for others to lie to you, to deceive as they can and if they get away with it, there is not punishment.” Cassandra’s eyes went wide then as Adaar’s teeth set in a snarl. “Do not misunderstand, we have laws. But most those laws involve things that are considered brutality. A man may not beat his wife without reason, a dog that bites a human must be killed, a man that takes a woman that is not his wife against her will is incarcerated for a period of time deemed by a group of peers. There are laws, but most are ‘easily manipulated’ by those who study them, lawyers. Those are a group of people who study the laws and the ‘loop holes’ within to stretch them to their desired outcome.” Several hard scoffs could be heard then and I looked about to see nearly a hundred disgusted and angry faces. I sat silent then. _I should not have said anything._

Cassandra’s jaw was wide as she sucked down disgusted breaths but Leliana spoke up from behind us. “Sounds like a horrible way to live.”

I shrugged. “It isn’t so horrible when it is the only way you know.” That seemed to cause another round of gasps.

“Vhenan,” he sounded worried and I turned to look over my shoulder. He looked like someone had kicked a puppy. “It _is_ a horrible way to live. The fact that you knew no better doesn’t change that.”

“Solas-”

“No. I know you hate being interrupted, Vhenan, but I will not argue this with you,” he was shifting to anger quickly. “That, what you just described is the basic equivalent to Tevinter slavery.”

“Hey!” Dorian called.

“Tell me I’m wrong!” Solas roared back at him.

Krem chuckled. “Sadly it sounds a worse off life than that of the Soporati.”

“My home isn’t perfect, I’ll be the first to admit that, but even _we_ treat our slaves better than _that_,” Dorian shot back.

“My point,” Solas mumbled a growl.

I sat quiet a moment.

“That,” Cassandra began and I looked up, “must be a difficult thing to hear.” I nodded and she tried to smile encouragingly. “I, for one, am very glad you are here, now, I mean that you are out of that, place, world. We can, we will teach you better, show you better. Agh. Words are not my strength. Where is the dwarf?”

Varric chuckled. “I believe what our inarticulate Seeker is trying to say, is welcome to a better world and that we can help you see how much better it _should_ be.”

“That is what I said,” Cassandra growled. I smiled at her then.

“Thank you.” Thankfully Cole echoed as Solas sat seething behind me.

_These _creatures_ are extremely fortunate that I cannot find them_. Few things were as unbearable for Solas as slavery and the fact that he thought of my home as worse than slavers had his jaw set. His hand on my stomach held me back to him gently but no less possessively. _My daughter will _never_ know such horrors, that I swear._ I leaned back into him.

_Probably better if I didn’t talk anymore._ He scoffed and snuggled my head with his.

“Do not misunderstand, Vhenan. I do not blame you for what you endured.”

“Certainly not,” Cassandra added as she straightened and then had to hold on as the horse tried to move. As it settled out she looked up at us. “She did not really think so, did she?”

Cole spoke then, though my mouth remained sealed. “Better if I say nothing. The more I talk the more they seem to become upset. I’m not trying to upset anyone. It isn’t that _bad_ to me. It just…is.”

“Hush, Cole,” I said softly.

“Not this time, ma Lath. Cole has the right of it.” He sighed stroked his fingers over my side. “No matter how it is phrased, it was all you knew,” he paused, “before. Now you are here, and I’ll be damned if I sit back and let any man beat his wife, reason or not. I’d disassemble a man for killing a dog for doing its job.” All around him he was getting affirmations and light cheers. “And rape, no matter how you prettify the words, is one of the worst crimes to commit in Thedas.” A hundred echoed him then in their opinions of such things. He sighed. “Do you know what the overall male to female ratio is in Thedas?” I shook my head. “Pretty close to one to three, meaning that for a man to force a woman, he would have to be denying at least three others that would be willing or more.” Again the affirmation.

“And this is why I’m always happy,” Bull added and several laughed. “In Seheron it is far closer to one to six.”

“I was averaging,” Solas replied and pressed on. “Those few laws, as I’m sure there are more, that you just listed,” he sighed and forced his anger under control. “Those laws would be an insult to any man in Thedas, even in jungle wastes of Seheron that most Thedas view as little better than animals.”

“Hey!” Bull shot back.

“He’s right though, Tiny. Most the world see the Qunari as little better than animals and Kirkwall really didn’t help that.”

“We haven’t tried to burn anything down since then,” Bull said defensively.

“Vhenan.” I hesitated before I looked back at him and he sighed. “There is no shame in only being taught what you were, but please, if you believe anything ever, believe that I will _never_ allow you to live by those laws here.” His gaze met mine with a fury I hadn’t seen in a very long time. “I will help you, ma lath, I will show you how things should be, but I will not tolerate the cowed behavior. You are my dragon, not a door mouse.” I smiled at him then and shifted slightly. The dragon so tightly roped to keep from flying had begun to feel suppressed. “A little longer, ma vhenan, and I will let you fly again. Just give her a bit longer to adjust,” he said as he rubbed his thumb over my stomach. “I only beg you not to for your own sake.” I nodded.

“I know that, Solas. I just really feel stupid for having ever said anything at the moment.” He tried to smile then.

“You are not stupid, you never could be.”

“Ohh, I won’t guarantee that.” He chuckled and I saw Cassandra grin.

“That didn’t need translating,” and a dozen people burst into laughter.

“The stupidity was not yours,” Solas stated. “But you will never walk or ride _behind_ me. You will never eat _after_ me. You will never suffer the fates of the women of your birth world. I swear it.”

“Here, here,” Adaar replied and the army seemed to join him.

“I will have you tell me more, of these _laws_,” he sneered. “I will know as many as you can tell. I will learn all I can of your backwards world, and I will walk you down the path to understanding this one, to knowing that no matter what, a woman (with no offense to our Seeker) should never be put in the kind of situations that seem _normal_ to you.”

“I can try, though probably better saved for Skyhold.”

“No, Vhenan. We have fifteen days, at least, to Skyhold and I know you too well for that. You will find a hundred other things to discuss, a hundred things to do that will distract from the task at hand. No. We do this here, on the way.”

I shivered.

“He won’t hurt you,” Cole said. “He’s not mad at you.”

Solas snuggled me closer. “Please don’t believe that I am,” he whispered to me.

“It, I know,” I swallowed. “I know you are not actually mad at me. I can feel the anger off of you like a furnace, but I know, it isn’t me. Just my past.”

He turned my head and met my eyes then. “Your past made you who you are, and I am grateful. But, I will not have you teaching others that way. I will show you the ways of Thedas, past and present. Each country has its own belief system but everywhere in Thedas there are certain agreed upon standards.” He smiled. “Even for Elves.” I nodded and he released me to return to the road as we turned up a path to the side.

“Is that why you could negotiate the Winter Palace so easily then, Mistress Aethien?” Josephine asked.

I nodded. “My whole world is basically a forever state of it. You get used to it if you are there long enough.”

Cole mimicked me and Leliana giggled. “That you do,” she stated. “I won’t deny that I had wondered as well.”

“That’s why,” Solas said in almost a whisper. I looked over my shoulder at him and as he looked down, the look in his eyes was nothing but sadness. “That was why you began working at thirteen.” Again gasps around. I nodded and looked forward again.

Cole began as my thoughts just flowed then, though I sat quiet. “Mother was gone. Tom was gone. Papa had died years before and my stepfather died the night my mother was incarcerated. What choice did I have? I had to work, to survive. That or beg and I’ve always been too proud for that. I would not whore myself out, so I found other work in clothing and then on Old Man Kelly’s ranch. It was a good life…I thought. I had food and a place to sleep. The Kelly’s even bought me a sketch pad each winter feast and more pencils. Sure they wanted me to sketch a family picture of them first, but out of three hundred sheets, I could spare one for the pleasure. Wasn’t it only normal to want something in exchange? And I had my money to buy my books, to read of Thedas and other worlds I could let my mind escape to. What was so bad about it? Sure I was alone, but it was better, far better than letting another man touch me like Derrick had. Sick, heavy, dark twisting hands ripping quiet places. Better to have books and sketches and peace. Just me and the horses and once in a while one of the Kelly ranch hands would come talk to me, or the old lady that delivered the hay every month. What was so bad about it?” Solas snuggled down against my shoulder then.

“I’m sorry, ma lath. I do not mean to upset you. I-”

“Hush, Vhenan. You do not upset me.” He sighed and snuggled closer. “The fact that you cannot even see how absolutely devoid that life was, the fact that there is nothing _wrong_ with it in your mind is upsetting. That was a horrible way to live. ‘An apartment’ you call it, in the hay loft of a barn.” More gasps. “Food that I would never permit fed to pigs. Everyone in your world wanted something from you first. You have never received a single actual gift. No, Vhenan. A gift with a price is not a gift.”

“Now I feel bad for making our deal,” Varric said softly.

“No matter how you shift the image, no matter how many ways you look at the image, you were a beaten and raped little girl that had everything taken from you. You were resilient, _amazing_ to survive as you had. You are beyond impressive to any here, just for that. But the fact that you can’t see what was wrong with the situation that required you to ‘escape to other worlds’? That required you to wake before dawn with a single strip of three year old meat to chew on for the day.”

“It’s called-”

“I know, Vhenan. Your people had a lot of very questionable customs. I know you called it jerking but that doesn’t change the fact that you had one, _single_ strip that was barely longer than a _finger_ to feed you through a day of baling hay, feeding horses, cleaning pens, feeding chickens and geese, milking goats. No, Vhenan! That is a horrible existence and should never be forced on anyone.” He pressed the reins into my hands to hug me back to him then. _My Athena, my sweet wonderful mate. The horrors you have been through make me ache to fix them._

_ I can no more fix your past than you can mine, my love._

_ It makes it hurt no less._

_ Never said it did._

“I have to agree with Solas,” Adaar stated and I looked over. The man had a look on his face like he’d forced a pinecone down. “I know very little of you, outside of what was just said, but that manner of life, what he was describing,” Adaar shook his head, “I have never heard of a slave of any region treated so poorly and you sound as though you defend these people, these Kelly that would do that to you.”

I shook my head and opened my mouth to answer and Cole echoed me. “Adaar, it is not all that bad.” He scoffed. “Many were worse off than me in my world. Some didn’t eat at all for months at a time.” All eyes were on me then. “It is not like here. I’ve tried to explain that. We do not have what you do.”

“Where is the Chantry?” Giselle demanded.

“There isn’t one,” I answered and horror grasped a hundred faces. “My world never unified into a single religion. Each sect claims the other is bogus and slander back and forth is,” I shrugged, “well its more than a daily thing. Any time religion of any kind is mentioned, it is a debate of name-calling and who did what worse to the other thousands of years before. The closest thing to your ‘Chantry’ in my world would be the Catholic Church and good luck there. You’d be better off selling yourself as a whore.” She gasped back. “At least then you’d get paid.” Silence overtook. Only the sound of the clacking hooves on the ground echoed back for a few minutes “I’m not saying you should, but in the world of my birth, you would _be_ better off.”

“How can you say that?” Leliana asked. I looked back around at her and pinned her in place as Cole gave my answer.

“Because at least then you know when you’ll be raped.” Her eyes became wide as saucers.

“You cannot mean,”

“I do. The priests, deacons, and even the equivalent of your Divine will take ‘Sworn Sisters’ as they damned well please. It is their right.” The look on Leliana’s face wiped to shock, then horror. “A Sworn Sister is sworn ‘to serve the church and all its needs’. In the simple twisting of those words, the men of the church can (and do) quite literally do as they please because a sister who resists is a heretic, and just as likely to burn for it.” Cole paused and looked back at me then. “I don’t like the place you’re from.”

I smiled sadly at him. “Truthfully, little Cole, neither do I.” He smiled at me then.

“Are there no, no Templars or something to stop them to,” Cullen began and I shook my head and met his eyes.

The smile that touched my lips had him visibly shivering as Cole echoed my words. “Worse,” I answered and Cullen’s face contorted.

“I’m not sure I want to know,” he said hurriedly.

“Well, I do,” Vivienne stated. “There is no possible way for_ that _to get worse.” I looked back at her and she tried to sit straight.

“The Templars of my birth world exist,” I stated and the sighs of relief became gasps of horror as I relayed the next bit, “and they are most often found holding said victims down for the priests.” I looked at her blank faced, it was normal to me. If they didn’t like it, it was their own fault for asking. It wasn’t like I was recounting the horror of a single victim. Thousands knew (in my world) that the men of the church ruled as they pleased and that a man ‘sworn’ to never father children could still just as easily take his pleasure in other ways. Not all priests were strong, so, “The Templars are the hands of the priests (of which you will never find a woman). The hierarchy of the church is one hundred percent male, so when a priest wants, he needs only take. If he is not strong enough to take, he brings his Templars with him. That’s all.” Solas shivered against me then and I looked back to eyes shifting in color. “Atishan, ma Vhenan. These are things I am safe from now, and we have no power here to change.” He shivered and swallowed before he nodded and snuggled closer still, his nose nuzzling the back of my ear under my hair. The sensation across the cords of water rippled through me.

I looked back up at Vivienne, her eyes wide as saucers, but it was Bull that spoke up and he spoke directly to Cullen. “I ever find out the Templars are doing shit like that here, I will write home and tell them to march.” Cullen nodded dumbly. “Hey!” Bull shouted and Cullen looked up. “Never.” Cullen shook his head then.

“Iron Bull, ever the defender,” Cole’s words echoing mine drew a horrified gaze to mine.

“Should never happen.” I shrugged. “No,” he growled. “It should never happen. That kind of, of,” Bull began looking around as if he could find the word among the saddle bags.

“Easy there, boss,” Krem called and Bull looked up and seemed to settle.

“You save others from horrors, Bull,” I began and Cole echoed. “It is only right that you be offended by that which you fight against.”

“It sounds like you lived in a world of Tal-Vashoth,” Bull growled and Adaar swung his head around. Before he could set in though I spoke again.

“No, Bull. The Tal-Vashoth may have done a lot of things that you don’t like, but the _worst_ of the Tal-Vashoth only _kill_ children.” The gasps that went up then opened nearly every eye wide.

His jaw trembled as Adaar hesitantly asked then, “What, do you mean by that?” His tone decried that he already knew and wanted me to tell him he was wrong, that no man would…

I wet my lips and tried to find my words. “I told you there are laws about forcing a woman that does not belong to you.” His teeth ground together as they set and his nostrils flared but after a moment he nodded. “There are other laws, laws that dictate that children should be sacrosanct from such actions.” His eyes widened then and he began shaking his head.

“You can’t mean that, that.” Suddenly his face paled and he looked as though he might vomit.

I nodded. “Yes, Adaar, I mean exactly. Laws were needed, as men without wars to fight found other ways to,” I swallowed hard then, “‘entertain’ themselves.”

“With children?” Cassandra asked incredulously. I met her eyes then.

“Others did not approve either, so laws were made. No child under fourteen was to be taken, will or not and the punishment was six months incarceration.”

“Six months?!” Bull shouted and several horses shied and he settled his tone. “A bastard like that should be killed, not placed in a comfy dungeon cell for the worst of the year.”

“There are no dungeons anymore,” I said and Bull looked at me confused. “The cells they are placed in are very different and the laws also protect those within.”

“They what?” the whispered rage beside my ear could be heard around us.

“Solas.”

“Answer the question.” He sat up and met my eyes then heaving in breaths as his canines set and he asked through his clamped teeth, “They protect the criminals?”

“I suppose in your world, it does sound, awkward, but you have,”

“No. No buts. They protect the, the villains?” He was fuming.

“Solas, you have to understand. In a world of greys and lies,” I sighed as I looked back at him shaking my head slightly, “It isn’t always the criminal that ends up down there.” His mouth dropped open then.

After several minutes of silence he asked, “Can you explain that, ma lath? I think I’m misunderstanding you.”

I sighed and shifted so I was turned a little and could look at him better. “In the process of our judicial system, the courts and lawyers, the people who decide if you are guilty or not based on ‘evidence’ or ‘witnesses’ they can bring forward,” I wet my lips and sighed as I pressed on, “It’s not always, I mean. Too often it is not the man that committed the crime that does the time.” A drop of water could have hit the ground between the horses and you might have heard it then.

Solas sat up and ran his hand over his bald head as he mouth dropped open and he tongued his back teeth. _How? How does anyone live in such a place?_ I took his face in my hands then and forced him to look at me.

“It is not about living. In my world, you_ live_ if you are born wealthy and that only if you are lucky. You_ survive _otherwise and survive however you have to. It isn’t about fair or unfair, those concepts are so far obscure to my people they could define them but they will never understand them.” I sighed. “I tried to tell you, ma lath. There are hundreds of reason I fell in love with Thedas from go, reasons I would love to be in this war torn world, with its darkspawn and simple stupid dragons, and bears three times the size of bears in my world and wolves and gods and magic and wonders that would never exist in my world.” I sighed again as the thought hit me. “A mage found in my world is immediately burned. They don’t make them Tranquil. They don’t live out the rest of their lives in a tower or dungeon or prison or whatever.” I shook him and made him look at me. “They are tied to a massive post and set on a pyre and the priest scream prayers to their gods as they burn.” I sighed. “That was why I reacted as I did when I learned I could cast. No, it was not a blessing to me. It was something to hide, and quickly.”

“We would never have,” Cassandra began and I nodded, though I held my lover’s gaze.

“I know that, Seeker. That is not Thedas, that is not the Chantry way.” I broke gaze to look over at her then. “But truthfully,” I began as Cole echoed every word to her. She nodded. “I’d rather burn.” She looked shocked then. “To be Tranquil is to be forced to live, forever, empty and soulless, without want or desire or hope.” I smiled sadly as I looked at her then. “I would rather die.” A dozen eyes were trained on me then but I looked back up at Solas. “I have learned to control it. I am safe by Chantry standards and so I do not fear either any more, but know that for every Tranquil you create, you are just as bad as the priests of my world.” Cole slipped then. “Beatings? Yes, beatings, worse than beatings. ‘Do you remember telling me no? You can’t do that now. The Tranquil can’t say no to anything’.” Cullen’s eyes sprang open wide as Cassandra’s face contorted in disgust.

“I did not know,” Cassandra said softly.

“It is alright now,” Cole said looking up at her as she met his gaze. “You know and you can stop it.” Cassandra nodded then. Cole was my voice and that was good, because she would not question my voice, even if it did come from Cole this time.

“Some require the Rite to protect them from themselves, demon. How do you propose we handle that,” Vivienne jibed.

“You weren’t listening,” Cole said. “Death is better than Tranquility. If it isn’t worth killing, then it isn’t worth the Rite. If you wouldn’t strangle them to death yourself, then your Rite is wrong.”

I looked over at her then. “You talk down to Iron Bull enough, but you’re no better than Qunari. The Qunari only sew their eyes shut and cut out their tongues and sew their mouths closed, but you,” I felt my heat rise then, “You rip the souls from your victims. You bury their humanity in your laws and Rites, you burn places in them that others can’t prove you did, but it doesn’t make the mark any less true than the stitches in a Saarebas or the blade used to rip their tongues clean.” The halla sidled but I slid from my lover’s arms to the ground like so much water and rose to my feet only to find Solas in front of me, his hands gripping my head.

“You can’t shift,” he urged.

“Shift?” I asked and as the words came out in a half-hissed speech I realized my anger was beginning to change my body to its natural state and I shivered and then tensed. Pain, ripping pain through my middle and I was getting dizzy fast. “Solas.” His hand moved from my head to my stomach and I felt the easing, the dizzy spells slacking and the pain dying down.

“The barrier will not hold against a shift. I know the Rite angers you, but you need to try to contain your anger. I can’t maintain it through a shift.” I shivered again and he held me a moment before he hoisted us both back up into the saddle.

“Do I want to know what she intended to do?” Varric asked.

“Likely just kill the Enchanter and eat her mount,” Solas stated as he nudge the halla forward and passed a healing spell over me. I settled back against him then. Exhausted and definitely hungry, the dragon was not liking any of this. Solas turned his head to face Adaar as he asked, “Inquisitor, is there a chance we could send a few scouts out, see what’s worth hunting?” Adaar’s puzzled expression prompted the next line. “The dragon has had near no meats in a week.” Adaar’s expression shifted quickly then.

“Oh. Yes, of course.”

“I’ll go,” Cullen offered before Adaar could assign anyone.

“I will go as well,” Cassandra stated. “I have much to consider.”

“I’ll go too,” Cole said. “I can show you where the stags are.” Cullen nodded numbly.

“Thank you, Cole. That would be very appreciated,” Cassandra said smiling down at him. Cole grinned.

“I think I’ll go too,” Varric offered lining Bianca. “Two swords versus a stag isn’t going to go too well. A good bolt on the other hand.”

“Fine,” Cassandra agreed.

Adaar swallowed hard. “Would you, like me to come with you?” he asked.

“Why? We can handle a simple hunt.” Cassandra stated.

“Right,” he said looking down at his mount. “Then, good hunting. We’ll see the four of you soon, hopefully.”

Cassandra laughed then. “If it were a danger, Cole would not be leading us there.”

“I would not be so sure,” Vivienne sniped. My body began heating and a sharp biting hand in my shoulder brought me back to a shivering body. Solas shifted to stretch behind us only to freeze.

“Blast it,” he mumbled, but Adaar looked over. Solas shrugged an apology. “My gear is back on my horse. She’s cold.” Adaar wheeled his own mount back by the procession to drag Solas’ mount along behind him back up. Solas thanked him before passing the reins of the halla back to me and leaning to dig his cloak out of the back pack. “Tomorrow, I’ll transfer everything onto this mount,” he grumbled as he righted and slid the cloak around us, tucking me closer back to him. I couldn’t stop shivering.

I lifted my hand toward my head and he caught it. As I looked back at him curiously, he set my hand in my lap and looked down at me with a warning gaze. “I cannot explain how badly my shoulders ache to bear wings, ma lath,” I explained. “I only meant to try to soothe the dragon.” He smiled sadly at me and placed a kiss on my forehead before he pulled me tight into him and tucked the cloak in about me.

“Will that be enough, Solas?” Adaar asked. I looked over and felt Solas look up as well. “I mean, will she need another cloak? I could dig mine out.” I smiled at him and shook my head.

“I will be alright, Adaar. Thank you for your concern.”

Solas smiled as he said, “She thanks you for your concern on her behalf, but says this should be good for her.” Adaar nodded back. The look on his face shifted and I realized he was still struggling with the conversations of the morning and I asked the halla to step closer to him.

As the halla sidled along next to him, I reached out of the cloak and grasped Adaar’s shoulder and smiled at him. “You will be a great leader.”

Solas sat puzzled a moment before he relayed and Adaar smiled then.

“I take it you understand why she felt the need to say that.”

I looked back at my lover. “He cares about people. He will be a good leader.” Solas smiled then and pulled the halla back, to give the tiny horse room to maneuver.

“For someone who has been through the worst things imaginable, ma vhenan, you have an amazingly big heart.” Chuckling filled the air for a few minutes.

Finally Adaar spoke. “I have no idea how you ended up here with us, but I am eternally grateful to whoever or whatever brought you here. I don’t care if they want to call it their Maker or the Elven Gods or whatever. I am _glad_ you are here.” I smiled and looked forward.

_So very strange_.

_What is, my Heart?_

_ I go from a life where I mean near nothing to anyone, save the horses, to being valuable to an entire army._ Solas chuckled lightly and nuzzled my ear then.

_More than one._ I grinned then and did my best not to chuckle as well.

“I am blessed to be here,” I began and rested my hand on my stomach. “In more ways than one.” He slid his hand over mine and grinned over my shoulder.

“Enansal,” he mumbled and kissed the side of my head before righting himself. I couldn’t keep myself from grinning, though I did worry slightly.

Even tucked against him, I could feel his warmth, but again my body seemed to be keeping warmth from me. I felt like I’d been rolling in snow. I shivered and snuggled back closer. _No, a second cloak won’t help. Save hunting for myself, all I can really do is wait._ I nodded, _he was right. I need meats. I won’t deny my teeth ache to tear into something truly solid instead of all those tasty sweets and delicate pieces of things that lay out on the tables of Celene’s hall. I _need_ meats._ My stomach rumbled an agreement and I chuckled then.

“What is it, Vhenan?”

“I probably would have devoured her horse,” I said with a grinning smile. He chuckled then too.

“What?” Adaar asked and Solas looked over.

“She said she does feel hungry enough to eat a horse.” Adaar started chuckling then.

“I’d appreciate it if she didn’t,” he stated. “I am certain that with Cole leading them they will be back before long.” He looked at me then. “Should we cook it first or do you intend to devour the stag, arrow bolt and all?”

“How badly do you want your people affected?” I asked back.

Solas scoffed. “You’ll have it cooked. Despite your desire for meat and your very _bestial_ nature, raw meat is still bad for you, Vhenan. Even a dragon fries their meal before they ingest it.” Adaar chuckled.

“I take it she’s hungry enough to eat bolt and all?” Solas nodded. “Well, still probably best not to have a sick dragon the whole wayback. We’ll get it cooked quick as possible.” I grinned at him and lifted my hand out of the cloak.

Solas never got a chance to stop me as I pulled on my own energy instead of the Veil, and lifted a flame above my hand. It only hurt a little but I willed strength and my own barrier around his mini-Veil and felt the pressure ease as the flame burst higher a moment then I snuffed it and it went out.

“I get it, you can roast your own meat,” Adaar said with a grin, and then looked over my shoulder. “Something wrong, Solas?” I looked back at my lover who sat stunned still.

“Solas,” I urged and set my hand on his thigh and he seemed to jar as if from sleep. “What’s wrong?”

He shook his head and laced his left hand into the fingers over his thigh and sighed a steadying breath. “I would not have thought it possible that your barrier could so easily encase the one I’d placed there, but it seems that the first was enough to allow you access to your magic without hindrance.”

_It only amplifies it, my love. Your Veil echoes within my magic and pushes stronger on the need to resist, rebel against the constraint. She could not feel me_. He smiled down at me then, at my smile up to him.

“But of course, you knew.” Adaar chuckled.

“Amazing,” was all Solas said, smiling down at me a moment before returning his gaze to the road ahead. I chuckled and he looked back down.

“Gaehlon won’t stray, you needn’t worry so.” He quirked an eyebrow. “I told him to stay with the Inquisitor beside us. Adaar could switch to a full gallop to either side and we’d stay as we are, to his right at the same pace.”

“You,” he paused and wet his lips. “You instructed the halla to stay beside Adaar?” I nodded. “You think he’ll obey?” I grinned.

“Of course he will.”

Solas chuckled then as his lips pulled up into a grin. “Of course.”

Adaar asked. “Don’t suppose you would mind if I tested that theory?” I nodded to him and he leaned back to look at Leliana. “Keep the company moving forward at this pace for a moment.” She nodded to him though she looked less pleased than Solas.

I chuckled. _You forget my love, I am an expert rider._ He smiled slightly then and readied himself with a nod to the Inquisitor.

“Release the reins,” Adaar said and all gasped. Solas resisted at first but I pulled the reins loose and tied them to the saddle loosely then looked over at him. Adaar grinned and kneed his mount to a gallop all at once.

Gaehlon was only too happy to stretch his long legs and dropped into a lope after Adaar happily. I grinned at his observation. “Yes. And this is why I prefer halla to them.”

“What did he say?”

“Foolish little thing thinks to outrun a halla,” I repeated proudly and I heard Solas chuckle behind me as Adaar dropped to a trot and Gaehlon fell back to a hastened walk. He refused to trot for Adaar.

Adaar began laughing as he drew his mount in to a walk and Gaehlon adjusted to a leisurely stroll. “It would seem he listened quite well.”

I nodded to him, patted Gaehlon’s neck, and lifted the reins, to pull Gaehlon to a stop and Adaar stopped as well. His questioning gaze was met with a point toward the army far behind us. He laughed.

“Very well. We will wait for them.”

The return trip was taken leisurely, almost as if Adaar wanted this to be his break, a chance to stop fixing the world a moment and just be a Kossith. None resisted as all were exhausted of being so on guard and so uptight for the past week that the open air and companionship was a vacation of sorts for them. My vacation would have to wait, as Solas insisted that I recount as many ‘laws’ or ‘accepted rules’ as I could remember. Talk about stretching the limits of preconceptions. I spent fifteen days recounting and trying to think on every law passed and every ‘normal’ cultural experience I had. It had never occurred to me that some things would stand out harder than others. I would have thought the laws of ownership would stick harder as everyone in Thedas had what was theirs, but apparently, it was more common to believe that everything you owned was on loan from your leader (king, empress, Divine, whatever) and that you were merely its caretaker. But when we touched on the cultural rules, what things were taught that were just, right to me, oooh buddy. That became an uproar that Adaar could barely contain, and partly didn’t want to as he agreed with them. Important lessons of that day, Thedas men take their responsibilities for protecting women high, and children, higher. I hadn’t thought anything of it; women raised kids on their own regularly. So what? EEEEEEHHHH! Don’t say that to any member of the Thedas society. They will chew out a new one.

Women were precious, even if there were some it might be desirable to kill, under no circumstances did a man raise his hand to a woman, in Thedas. Cassandra’s training suddenly began to make a lot more sense. Byron had shifted near every rule in Thedas to bring her into the Seekers. That had struck me as I was listening to their rants, because even though women were precious, children were divine blessings. Discipline sure, but the beatings I’d taken, the beatings others in my school had taken, and, gods, I should never had let Cole translate for me, as when he brought Derrick forward, oh dear. Borderline riot. The concept of that, of what I’d endured then, I would have been better off walking up to King Alistair and telling him that darkspawn could be allies. It might have even been safer.

The mentioning of my mother trying to raise Tom and I on her own, already had most the men up in arms but when Cole had brought Derrick forward, the women joined in. All were of the opinion my mother had the right of it and the laws had no right to incarcerate her for it. I couldn’t really argue it as at the time, I truly didn’t understand why mother had been placed in jail. I just accepted it and began my new life. I couldn’t go back to school anymore, I dropped out and went immediately to work, because I needed to. Leo had begun work at the clothing store after I was sixteen. He and I had gotten into it once, as I had achieved management status and he originally didn’t care for a teenager instructing him as he was already twenty-eight. I knew my stuff though, so after we’d cleared the air, we became fast friends. Mentioning Leo and our friendship seemed to soften the flames of the anger, but it did not quench them, nor extinguish in a single mind.

Leo trying to get me to eat, always putting me first for things eased it further. Most were quite upset to hear that I would not have him.

“Did he not earn your regard?” Cullen asked.

I shook my head and sighed. “Regard, respect, and loyalty, I cared for Leo, but I would not belong to anyone.” I shivered and let my focus go a moment before I jerked myself back. “I could never forget what had been done,” the fires in eyes lit again harder. “Leo was an amazing man, and his wife was a worthy woman. Trust me, I spent a good deal of time sizing her up before I would give Leo an answer on his question.”

“What question?” Cassandra asked and I smiled at her.

“He’d been dating her for ten years, ah, courting, is the term you use.” Cassandra’s eyebrow rose. “Even in my world, that is a lengthy amount of time to dedicate to a single person. Leo had asked me if I thought he should propose marriage to her.” Cassandra and a dozen other ladies blushed. “I was his best friend as he was my only friend. I served as his best man at the wedding ultimately, but I spent a few months around her first. Tracy turned out to be a perfect match for him,” I grinned then. “As grounded in the now as he was in the past, and dedicated to him, though she hid it well. She never wanted to seem clingy to him.” Several chuckled over that.

“Where are they now?” Leliana asked then and my smile evaporated as I heard the car brakes squealing, the crunch and shatter as the car shivered around us. I could still smell it, the burning smell of hot antifreeze on cold asphalt.

A cool hand on mine and I nearly jumped. Cole’s blue skies looked so sad. I hadn’t realized then that I was hyperventilating and he steadied me back down.

“I’ll be alright, Cole.” He’d been my voice through most of it, so Solas could direct us and protect us, and prepare the tent and serve the food for me (as he didn’t trust I would grab enough for myself out of a ‘stupid desire to see others fed first’). Cole’s expression did not change.

“You are not alone anymore.” He said it as if it were a continuing argument and I smiled sadly at him.

“I know that, Cole. I miss my friend, that’s all.” Cole sat forward then and hugged me to the amazement of all. It shocked me too at first, before I smiled and hugged him back. “I know, Cole.”

Leliana’s expression had changed too as I looked up at her. “He’s gone, isn’t he?” Cole released me and I nodded.

“Sliding, slipping, crashing through horrid sounds that echo like blade over stone through a valley ripping and shredding my heart into pieces. ‘Don’t go. Please don’t go’.” I squeezed my eyes shut them. I’d cried those words as I held him, his unconscious head in my lap as I rocked back and forth on the bloody asphalt, screaming as the tears fell, not washing away blood but mixing in with fresh pulsing blood down his face. I’d been in the back seat. I’d been lucky, though in that moment I could not have felt more the opposite. The passenger side door had slammed through and knocked Leo out the driver’s door. There had been no point in checking on Tracy. Gods but I still hurt thinking about it. “Yes.” Cole said, and I opened tear filled eyes to look up at him. “It will fade with time, and dragons have forever. You will see.” It was a promise as much as a comfort. I tried to smile at him, though the tears fell and suddenly I was up in Solas lap, his arms wrapped tight around me.

“It’s alright now, Vhenan. Hush. You’re okay.” I realized as he held me that he’d seen it as the memory replayed in my mind.

_I’m sorry._

_ Hush._

_ I never meant-_

_ You don’t need to apologize, my heart. Hush._

_ Solas._

_ It’s over now. You’re safe here. Nothing will take us away._ I let loose then. The tears I’d been fighting overwhelmed me and buried me into his chest as my heart rent. How long he held me before the tears passed into heat and heat into unconsciousness, I would never be able to say.

[[[Solas held his mate in his arms until the crying stopped and she breathed steadily in sleep. Her pain still echoed through him.

“You knew?” Adaar asked and Solas looked up with a question on his face. “You knew about what had happened to her friend.” Solas nodded then looked down.

“I,” he cleared his throat as his voice cracked. “I had tried to warn the Seeker and Spymaster in Haven when I’d learned first of her desolation. I learned the extent of it after our arrival at Skyhold.” He sat silent a moment and shook his head. “She’s tougher than most, but she is glass incased in steel.”

Leliana smiled at him then. “I understand now.” And all eyes turned to her. “It is why you requested the two of us be kinder or just avoid her, because she’d lost everything, more than just family or even her body by that point; she’d lost hope.” Solas nodded then sadly. Leliana sighed. “I can’t fix what was done, but I can ensure that her future has more hope to it.” Solas couldn’t help but grin then as he looked back up. Sure it still hurt but if anyone was going to give his mate hope, it was him. “Yeah, yeah, I’m sure you can do it better and in ways I’m fine _not _doing.” Everyone began laughing then and she stirred lightly in his arms.

Solas shifted, lifting her across his chest. “With your leave, Inquisitor, I think I’ll put her to bed.” Adaar smiled at him.

“A man in love needs no one’s leave. Good night, Solas.” Solas smiled at him then began his walk back to his tent.

“Do you really believe that?” Bull asked and Adaar turned to him. “That crap about a man in love.” Adaar’s expression turned glare quickly.

“Maybe,” he began and his tone was hard as it was firm, “in a land where love does not exist it makes it harder to understand.” Bull drew his shoulders back and twisted his neck to the side, popping it audibly. “I meant every word of it. No one’s opinion matters to a man that is in love. Perhaps one day, you’ll learn that, and then we can have a _real_ conversation.” Silence fell for a moment. 

“Someone you love, Inquisitor?” Varric asked. Adaar looked down at him, trying his damnedest to contain his panicked expression.

“I love, yes, who is none of your concern.”

“Touchy,” Varric said. “Must not be two ways like Chuckles.” Adaar’s glare silenced further debate on it.]]]


	21. Gifts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For months, Athena has prepared, Solas has prepared, Adaar has prepared. The final confrontation is coming and it's results will decide the fate of the two worlds and thousands of souls. The stakes could not be higher.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story contains massive spoilers for the game. Please note, that if you are reading, I take no responsibility for ruining game plot you haven't gotten to yet.  
Also, I use multiple songs within the story. I do not claim ownership to these songs. All copyrights belong to the original authors. (I'm just a huge fan :P)

Chapter 21: Gifts

As we entered the mountains again, Solas insisted that I keep my cloak on, even if it were under his as we rode. It didn’t seem that cold to me, but all he had to do was remind me it was his right to protect me and I gave. There was no point in arguing that. I would respect his rights as much as I would expect respect for my own. The nausea was getting better at least. I’d been sick almost daily at the Winter Palace, but by the time we were climbing the final slopes to Skyhold, I seemed to hold my guts through the day. The magic seemed to be ebbing better as well, though that might have had something to do with the fact that I found ways to weave my magics into his ‘mini-Veil’ and reinforce it.

The conversations seemed to have unanimously shifted to happier thoughts of coming home. Several were quite happy to be returning to mates left behind, and when the bridge was finally in view, Adaar declared a lope return. All came through the gates barely slowing to a trot as we came to the stables. I enjoyed it as I’d felt a little stuffed with all the walking, and walking, and walking, and sleeping, and walking. There was more of a sense of home to Tarasyl’an Te’las. I’d seen so many images, visited so many of his memories here. It felt more like coming home as I slid from the saddle to a grinning Master Dennett.

“Couldn’t leave with one, so you had to come back with one, huh?” I smiled at him and looked to the pens questioningly. “Oh, he’s missed you plenty, but he’s in good health, as I promised.” I smiled and patted his shoulder before I slid between people and horses to Falon’s stall.

_Your foal grows well_, he greeted and I smiled.

“Indeed she does. How have you been?” He nickered and nudged my arm.

_Well enough. The man does not scratch where you do, or brush as softly._ I smiled and reached up to scratch the base of his horns and grinned as he nearly purred. I stood there a few moments reveling in the sound. There was just something right, about being halla and rider, something about listening to his contentment that brought me contentment of my own. Finally he asked, _Will you sing? I have missed your song._

It just seemed appropriate, so I ran with it. I began humming it first, just easing my mind and his. “Father’s hunting in the forest, Mother’s cooking in the home, I must go to fetch the water, ‘Til the day that I am grown. ‘Til I’m grown. ‘Til I’m grown. I must go to fetch the water,’ Til the day that I am grown.” I smiled and scratched at the other antler as I began the next line. “Then I will have a handsome husband, And a daughter of my own, And I’ll send her to fetch the water, I’ll be cooking in my home.” I probably hummed it another three times before I stopped scratching and ended the song. I walked to the rear of his pen and heard his approval as I rummaged out his favorite brush.

_It is most pleasing for you to be happy to be home._ I smiled then as I began brushing. _One more?_ I grinned.

“I suppose.” I thought for a few moments then.

_What about the unicorn one?_ I couldn’t help but grin fit to crack my face.

“Very well.” I sang him ‘The Trap’, and then put up his brush, despite his grumbling. “I must return. My mate will miss me.”

“Already did,” Solas’ voice drew my gaze up to see him again leaning against that post.

“Do I want to know how long you’ve been leaning there?”

“About as long as the soldiers have been tip-toeing to put up mounts so they wouldn’t disturb your song.” I flushed then and he chuckled. “You’ve a beautiful voice, Vhenan. I enjoy hearing it, as do many others. But I will agree. It’s time to go inside. The night is chilling quickly and I’ll not risk you.” I smiled up at him then.

“Will we be walking it, or I am to only see the inside of that room?” He grinned and glared at me. It was an ongoing debate of whether or not he would have kept me confined to it if he’d been given the chance.

“We can walk, if you prefer. The steps are clear.” I smiled and pet Falon goodnight before I stepped out to Solas to smile up at him.

I had looked at him a thousand times, seen him smile down at me, and still I felt like the luckiest thing in the world to have him here with me. He grinned and shook his head.

“You’ll give a man a superiority complex, Vhenan.” I smiled and snuggled against his chest before we began walking. The way cleared before the dragon and her mate as we ascended. I was not angry, so it took a moment to realize why and I grinned as it hit me.

_Leliana sent word back. All clear the way because a child is the one thing in Thedas all protect._ His arm tightened around me gently. We entered the main hall and though dusk was just creeping across the skies, all of the fires were lit and food laid out across the tables. My stomach grumbled as we passed one table, but before I could think to stop, one of the maids curtsied before us.

“Lady Josephine asked us to just leave your trays in your room. I hope you don’t mind.” I smiled at her and I watched Solas nod.

“Thank you.” He was still curt, but then, he usually was with anyone that wasn’t me. He felt the time coming up quickly as well and the tension was building. I reached out to him with my will to help ease him. He straightened slightly as we walked to the stairs. I paused in the rotunda and looked about.

_I do wonder when he’ll get back to it. There is still so much more to paint yet._ I grinned as I remember how happy he’d been that morning and heard a chuckle beside me.

“Is it the painting that brings you such joy, Vhenan?” I looked up at him.

“It is your joy in the painting.” I looked at the walls then. “It is the pleasure you take in the creation of art, here or in the Fade.” I shook my head. “Don’t misunderstand, the images are spectacular, but my enjoyment comes from seeing how happy the painting makes you.” I looked back up at him then. “Does that make sense? Or is it more pregnancy brain nonsense?” He smiled lovingly down at me and kissed me briefly.

“It makes sense.” He took my hand and Fade-jumped us to the room. The fire was already lit and the smell of sautéed meats made my mouth set to watering immediately. “We can discuss the rotunda later. You need food.” I hadn’t noticed until he’d taken my hand that my temperature was dropping. I smiled at him and released him as we both stepped towards the trays.

I pulled the lid off of mine and it was all I could do not to drool as I lifted the first slab up and ripped into it. I only partly remember the next three slabs. They didn’t exist very long. I could hardly believe how hungry I felt for a moment. I’d had a full ram the day before, my body should not be so famished, but he chuckled and as I looked up the realization hit me smack between the eyes. _My_ body was not the one famished. I grinned stupidly a moment before I began tearing into the fifth slab a bit more slowly. I finished my tray and set the lid back on the platter. It always felt better to have a full stomach but I could feel my body pulling nutrients from it. Everything I consumed was being put to use. The thought amused me as I walked to my crate. It was a good night to draw, while he finished his meal.

I would never pretend to be as great an artist as Nipuni. I adored her works, but I had no access to them anymore, so I tried to recreate one of her works, something that would not be found and reveal anything to the Inquisition but was still one I loved. I probably stared at the page for a good fifteen minutes before I dipped quill in ink to begin. It wasn’t as good, but I replicated (poorly) Nipuni’s image of Solas, waking in a bedroll filled with lizards. I’d lost myself in drawing again but I grinned at the image as I held it out. Once the ink dried I would give it to Sera. She would understand and she would enjoy the image. Sera was always so kind to me, even if she were disrespectful to my lover. Her disrespect actually had nothing to do with him personally and I knew that, and after I’d explained to Solas her upbringing, he’d stopped rising to her bait. She didn’t hate him, she didn’t hate me. She hated her parents for leaving her, she hated the woman that ‘took pity’ on a poor little elven girl and destroyed what little of elven culture the girl could remember. It was her childhood that she hated and she directed that at everything. Solas pitied her after I told him but I reminded him to try to cap that. She would never be an elf by proper right because she would never accept it. It had been harder for him but I was pretty sure I’d gotten the point across. All the same, I knew she would like the picture. She enjoyed images, even if she tried to hide it.

“Pleased?” I looked up to him looking over from the table, a book folded on his lap and I grinned. He’d just left me to drawing.

I nodded. “Very. It isn’t as good as the original but it’s a decent replica.” He quirked an eyebrow. “An artist of my birth world had drawn it originally, but when I came here, I didn’t have anything from before, so I thought to try to recreate it.” I blushed and looked down at it. “She’s better.”

He chuckled and walked over, setting the book on the desk. He paused as he drew close enough to see it and quirked an eyebrow at me.

“I wanted to make a picture for Sera. Think she’ll like it?” He scoffed and grinned.

“It’s irreverent so likely, yes,” he stated as he reached down and I accepted his hand up. “Would you draw an image for me if I asked?” I smiled up at him.

“What would you have me draw for you?” He tapped my chin with a loving grin.

“You.” I blushed and looked away.

“I don’t know that I could do that, ma lath.” I swallowed and heard him sigh. “It’s not that. It’s, I don’t really have the materials to do superimposing images.” I looked up to the quirked brow. “I don’t see me as just elf or just dragon. I am both.” He smiled then and just stood there smiling at me for a few minutes.

“What would you need?” I quirked a brow. I’d lost myself in staring up at him again and completely forgotten the conversation before for a moment, which made him grin. “To ‘superimpose’.”

“Oh,” I blushed looking down at his chest then and tried to think. What would be needed to pull that off here? “Strengths of pencil and erasers more than likely, but that won’t make sense.” I sighed. _I pulled the armor forward._ He took my face in his hands and looked down at me then with an obvious expression of ‘don’t’. “It would be easier, ma lath.”

“Then it can wait,” he stated, and I felt his concern drift off of him.

I smiled up at him. “Very well. Would you settle for an image of yourself?” He smirked.

“I, unlike others, do not love my own image.” I knew what ‘others’ he was referring to and I grinned up at him.

“And I would not assume so, but is likely the one thing I could draw half-asleep and still sketch well.” He chuckled then.

“I would wager you could.” He kissed me briefly before sitting up to stroke my cheeks with his thumbs.

_I could live for moments like this._ He smirked.

“Tomorrow, barring interruption, I would like to get back to painting. Will you be alright?” I smiled and nuzzled into his left hand.

“I will try not to disturb you, but I would like to see it when it’s finished.” He grinned.

“I would be honored to show it to you.”

I yawned. “Ir abelas.” I blinked a few times then said, “There is one more image I’d like to get in tonight.” He chuckled again.

“It is unlikely you could give an image your full attention at the moment.” I yawned again despite my best efforts not to and he smiled knowingly at me.

“I suppose not.”

“In the morning,” he said. “Come to bed, Vhenan.”

“Mmm, now there’s an invitation I’d never turn down from you.” He chuckled and released my face to lace his hand in mine and begin our walk.

I woke to an empty bed and chuckled. Already at work. _Might as well drag my lazy body up as well._ I stretched and popped and then stood and dressed for the day. I would need warm clothing for what I had in mind, but sketch first. I sat and poured my mind into the page as I sketched the image I’d meant to craft last night and then rolled it and grabbed my cloak. I padded quietly by with a grin as my lover worked attentively on the second section of rotunda wall. He was not the one I sought out this morning though. I passed the tables, promising myself I would eat later. I got to the stairs to the inner courtyard in time to see Varric walking away from Adaar and Cassandra with an ear to ear grin. Varric saw me and smiled as he sauntered up the stairs.

I made a gesture of writing then spread my hand towards them. “You knew I’d write her the second chapter?” I nodded and smiled. “Yeah, totally worth it.” I nodded and let him by as he continued up the stairs. I smiled out at Adaar who was blushing profusely as Cassandra sat by the training dummies and began reading. He looked up and I gestured him to me. He swallowed but obeyed.

I met him in the middle of that massive courtyard and extended the rolled parchment to him. He quirked a brow half up his forehead. “What’s this?” I made the gesture that it was for him and he shrugged and unrolled it only to freeze, the breath rushing out of him. He couldn’t break gaze with the picture. I’d drawn him an exact replica of Cassandra smiling and he was entranced. “W-why would you, feel I’d,” he began and finally looked over. “You knew.”

_Cole._ He appeared beside me and nodded, then translated for me. “I want to help you. She deserves happiness and I feel you would dedicate your life to hers.” He nodded and looked back at the scroll before he rolled it.

“How, how would you help?” I grinned.

“You already know her favorite foods, her favorite poems. There is a song I would teach you to sing for her, if you’re interested.” He nodded.

“I am, I mean, I will. I would do anything.” He blushed hard. “You know.” I patted his shoulder and gestured for him to follow as I led us to a secluded part of the garden.

“Here,” Cole mimicked, “I will teach you to sing, and how to sing a song from my world, nothing to be copied from another minstrel.” He nodded.

“She hates that.”

“I know. You will set this area up the way you _know_ she will like, candles, tarts, wine, and fine carpet. I will ask Cole to lead her here when you are ready. You will greet her with her favorite poem.” He grinned.

“That would please her.”

“Then you will sing to her, and ask her merely for permission to stare at her as you wish to. It is not for you to ask more. She will show you when she is ready for that, but you will ask merely for the right to look in her eyes.”

“Her lovely honey-colored eyes, like so much warmth is just kept there, hidden behind the steel armor.” He was so ridiculously adorable I couldn’t help but grin.

“It is her right to accept or deny, but I do not believe she will deny.”

“Why?” He asked, as his doubt resurfaced.

“Because a woman knows when you put effort forth what it really means.” He quirked his brow back up his forehead. “To take the time, to set up an area out of the way like this, to take the time to know her favorite food, drink, candle, poem, to take the time to learn to sing. Those are not small things to a woman, especially a woman who tries so hard to conceal how badly she wants them.”

He smiled gently then and nodded.

“I will teach you the song. The rest you already know.” He grinned.

“I suppose I do.”

[[[“Solas,” Cassandra called and he looked up from his desk as she paused in the door way. “It, you are quite the artist.”

“Thank you, Seeker, though I doubt you came to admire my handiwork.” She smiled at him.

“That is true. I was wondering if you’d seen the Inquisitor or the Dragon.”

Solas smiled briefly then shook his head to meet her gaze. “Not since this morning. I left her asleep in the room. Why?” he asked, feeling there had to be a reason.

Cassandra sighed exasperatedly. “No one seems to know where he goes. He eats breakfast and then ‘disappears’ for the rest of the day until dinner and he won’t discuss with _anyone_ where he was.” Solas quirked an eyebrow. “I know. More than odd. I thought to find him and talk with him about it today, but I can’t seem to find him anywhere.”

“And my dragon fits into this where?”

“If anyone can find anyone, it is her.” He smiled.

“Fair enough.” He stood, closing his book. “Perhaps I can help, at least to find her, and perhaps an answer.”

“That would be much appreciated, Solas. Thank you.” Solas bowed and gestured for her to lead.

“It is unlikely to find her within the main hall. Too many people.” Cassandra chuckled then.

“I tried the walls and the stables already. That’s why I thought to check with you.”

“There is only one other place I can think of then,” Solas stated.

“Where is that?”

As they walked into the garden, Solas could feel she was near, but he couldn’t tell the Seeker that, so he looked around and walked back into the glade a bit, the Seeker a hand behind him. Slowly, he could hear a baritone-bass singing. It missed a note and he heard Cole echo her.

“Again.” Cassandra looked at Solas with a curious expression and he held a finger to his lips, smiling and Cassandra grinned and nodded as they silently padded slowly forward.

Adaar’s voice finished the poem perfectly, before Cole could be heard attempting to mimic Cassandra’s voice. “That was beautiful.” He didn’t quite have the accent and it made her grin.

“I would sing for you, Cassandra, if you would allow it?” Cassandra could see through the leaves as Cole folded his arms and tried his best to put on the ‘Cassandra skeptic scowl’.

The dragon sat not far off and gave him a ‘go on’ twisting of her wrists. He swallowed and began the song again. “In a perfect world, One we’ve never known, We would never need, To face the world alone. They can have the world, We’ll create our own. I may not be brave or strong or smart, But somewhere in my secret heart, I know, Love will find a way. Anywhere I go,” he began and knelt before Cole, pulling a hand into both of his to stare up, “I’m home; if you are there beside me. Like dark, turning into day, Somehow we’ll come thro-ugh.” And he lost the note and the dragon snapped her hands together once and sighed. “I’m not sure Qunari are meant to sing, Lady Dragon,” Adaar said turning back to her and Cassandra blinked back a tear then.

“I need to help someone else,” Cole said. The dragon nodded and Cole disappeared.

“I don’t know that I’ll ever get it right.” He sighed and looked around. He’d set up the carpet, as she liked, triplet fashion, and laid the candles out to light this evening. The baker should be done with the tarts in a few more hours. He’d paid the man heavily for his silence on the matter, and more for the Sweet Grace wine. He sighed again. “I thought I had it all down yesterday.” He sounded so desolate.

Cassandra swallowed and stood, walking from the bushes. The dragon gestured for him to turn and he righted himself to begin again, though the dragon’s eyes locked with Cassandra and Cassandra knew.

“That is better, thank you, Cole. Again?” Cassandra raised a brow, not trusting herself to speak and he began. “‘On aching branch do blossoms grow, The wind a hallowed breath.” Cassandra drew in a hard breath. Her favorite poem recited in a vibrating bass to her and her heart leapt to her throat. “It carries the scent of honeysuckle. Sweet as the lover’s kiss. It brings the promise of more tomorrows, Of sighs and whispering bliss.” She blinked and forced the tears away, pretending for a moment they were not there, though Adaar smiled. “May I sing for you, Cassandra? If you would allow it.” She straightened and crossed her arms as Cole had, though she could not assume the scowl and instead looked at him as she felt.

“Go on.”

Adaar grinned and added under his breath. “That’s more like her, Cole.” He sang then and Cassandra watched as the dragon braced for the line, though he held it perfectly this time, staring up at her. “Somehow we’ll come through, Now that I’ve found you. Love will find away.” He paused to look down a moment and then returned his eyes more gently to hers, standing to take her in his arms and began dancing around with her as he continued. Like as not, he knew Cassandra could dance and quite well. “I was so afraid, Now I realize. Love is never wrong. And so it never dies. There’s a perfect world,” he said grinning down into her eyes, “Shining in your eyes.” Cassandra blushed hard then. “And if only they could feel it too, The happiness I feel with you, They’d know. Love will find a way. Anywhere we go, We’re home, If we are there together. Like dark turning into day. Somehow we’ll come through, Now that I’ve found you. Love will find a way. I know love will find a way.” He slowed the dancing and stopped to take a knee before her, holding both of her hands in his, staring up at her with the adoring expression that could only be caused by one thing. “Will you grant me one wish, my Lady Cassandra?” She blinked back tears first.

“What?” She asked then on a clogged breath and he smiled gently up at her a moment.

“Just the right to stare into your eyes, as I do now? Perhaps even brush your knuckles, with my unworthy lips?” He lifted her hands to his lips once and Cassandra’s lips parted on a gasp. “I would never ask more of you,” he said looking down at her hands, and then he looked back up at her and sighed, releasing her and leaning forward. “How do I tell her? What words are there to tell her how beautiful she is? How much I love her? Have loved her?” He looked back at the dragon then. “What words are there?”

The dragon began laughing then. Both hands came out in front of her, mid laugh, she said something and Cole appeared beside Cassandra, “She says you just did.” Adaar’s heart stopped as he looked up at Cole, hat and all, then over at Cassandra, then back and forth a half dozen times.

“C-Cole can’t be in two places at once, can he?” it was a terrified question.

“No one can,” Cole answered and Adaar started visibly shaking as he stared up at Cassandra, mouth wide as he sucked down breaths.

“Hi.” It was the most timid thing she’d ever seen and Cassandra smiled down at him as it was almost opposite of what he’d been a moment before ‘pretending’ she was her. He swallowed hard. Her blush registered then and he looked away. “Dammit,” he said under his breath.

“Something wrong?” Cassandra asked.

He surged to his feet then gripping his head as if it ached. “Everything’s wrong, the candles aren’t lit, the tarts aren’t done, the sun’s still too high.” He looked away from everyone then and his arms dropped like there was lead in the finger nails, and his next words came out nearly broken-hearted. “It was supposed to be perfect for you.”

Cole had disappeared again as Cassandra looked over. The dragon rose from her seated position and pat Adaar’s arm as she walked off, smiling up at Cassandra before she disappeared. That shocked Cassandra lightly, but her eyes returned to the slumped shoulders of the Inquisitor.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered then and she righted.

“For what?” He turned back to her then, a single tear dropping down his cheek and he walked over to the carpets, fingering the edges as he spoke.

“You’re always so,” he sighed. “I wanted,” he swallowed hard, “I wanted to make something perfect, something perfect for you.” He sighed and looked down at the carpets. _Good job, dumbass._ “I’m sorry.”

She walked over and sat on the carpets, finger running over them, letting him look her over without looking up. She lifted the bottle then and grinned. “Sweet Grace wine?”

“Your favorite. The,” he swallowed and looked away. “I can have the tarts brought to your room if you, prefer.”

“Tarts?”

“The frostbackberry tarts. The blue ones you love that stain your fingers.” She grinned, though he couldn’t see it facing away as he did. He looked out over the candles and sighed. “Might as well get it all out there.” He sighed and pressed on. “Cole was supposed to lead you out here at sundown. The candles to be lit. They are honeysuckle scent.” She bit her lip to keep her from crying then. “You can still have them if you like. They were bought for you.” He swallowed and stood, fighting down his tears. “I should, probably be gone, so you can enjoy.” He took one step before she called to him.

“Inquisitor.” He froze. “Adaar,” she said softer and he reveled in the word a moment before his mind fought down the possibility. “Why don’t you stay, a little while longer?”

He looked back at her and the tears fell from both eyes that time and Cassandra swallowed hard. There was nothing but devotion in those big green eyes that wept for the thought of a lost chance too obviously. “I could never deserve you, Cassandra.” He shook his head and further tears fell and she sniffed back once, though hers fell too. “I merely wanted the right to adore you, to look in your eyes occasionally, to hold your hand, even if,” he swallowed and turned away. “Even if it was not my hand to hold. Forgive me.”

“There is nothing to forgive.” She watched his back as he heaved in a breath to hide his pain. “Sit with me.” She hadn’t intended it to come out as an order, it was just natural, so she added more gently, “please.” He passed his hand by his face before he turned back to look down at her.

“We’ve no food,” he began.

“Do you need food, to stare in my eyes as you say?” He looked hopeful a moment.

“You will, grant me that?” She smiled and the tear fell then.

“Come sit with me,” she said again and he lowered himself down to the carpets beside her, never breaking eye contact, never trying to look away. “Is it really all you want?” He shook his head.

“No. But I would not ask more. This,” he began and lifted her hands back to his lips a moment, “right now, I could die for.” She smiled up at him.

Finally she added, “And if I ask more?” He held her gaze with that same devoted smile.

“I would move the stars if you asked.” It was barely more than a whisper, but it was a prayer he’d told himself nearly every night for the past five months.

“No stars,” she said and leaned up to him. “Just.” So close leaned up to him, it was instinct that won over fear and he leaned gently down to her. He was careful, gentle with her, terrified she’d bruise if he pressed too hard or turn away if… She smiled as he leaned back up. “Those will be your rights.” She squeezed his hands in hers lightly. “My hands, my eyes, and my lips,” she’d spaced each and he leaned down to kiss her once more, just as gently and watched as the pretty flush came over her cheeks.

“I would die the happiest I’ve ever been should I die now.” She smiled.

“You better not. These are nice carpets.” He grinned then. “Seems you were right,” she said after a moment. He quirked his eyebrow and she grinned. “Love found a way.”

He smiled softly at her a moment, then brought her hands back up to his lips, staring up into her eyes as he kissed both. “Never doubt, Cassandra,” he said her name as if reciting the name of deity, “I will always love you. Even beyond death.”]]]

I chuckled to myself as I returned to our room and pulled out a new parchment. _Could not have planned that better myself._ I was still laughing even as I sat by the bed looking down at the fresh parchment. There was only one thing I wanted, one thing I wanted to draw, to see and I laid quill to ink and began. He had wanted a picture of me, but this seemed the best of both worlds. I drew a sketch of us dancing together at the Winter Palace, his dapper suit and my dress as he held me for their ‘four-step’. I chuckled as I remembered. _It’s a waltz to my old world, but four-step will do, I suppose._ I remembered how happy he looked and I tried to portray how content I was just to be in his arms. I couldn’t stretch out on my stomach without hurting so I sat on the bed, crossed-legged then legs stretched out in front of me, then ultimately with my knees tucked up, my toes buried in furs as I finished the minor details. I lost myself in the sketch. I never heard the maids come down. I never heard him silence them or accept the meal, never saw them leave. I worked and detailed as perfectly as I could and finally held it back to look over as I chewed my tongue.

Quills really don’t give much in the way for finite details but it was decent. I would need to pull forward proper sketching gear at some point. I grinned. _Yeah, like while he’s not looking_. I chuckled then.

“Why while I’m not looking?” I looked up and smiled at him as he set aside his fork. I rose and padded over to him, kissed him briefly and held out the scroll for him. He quirked an eyebrow.

“Compromise,” I stated and he unrolled it. His expression shifted then. He looked over all of it, holding it there as I watched his expression shift much as Adaar’s had when I gave him that sketch of Cassandra.

“It’s beautiful.”

“I don’t do well with drawing self-images. I thought that would be a decent compromise.” It took a good deal of courage to ask then, “Do you like it?” I knew Solas loved me, I knew he loved me more than anything, but I was still nervous to ask. Art is art and having _anyone_ critique your art can be, unsettling. He smiled up at me.

“It’s beautiful,” he said then, releasing the scroll and pulling me down to kiss me again. My stomach grumbled and he chuckled. “Eat.”

“What time is it?” I asked, though I did step back and pull the lid off the tray.

“Well after sundown.” I sighed.

_I must have really lost myself in that drawing._ I grinned. _But then, it was important to get perfect._ I looked up at him and he quirked an eyebrow. _It wasn’t meant for me._ He grinned.

“Eat,” he insisted and I smiled before lifting a slab.

_I just hope he actually,_ I began thinking only to hear him clear his throat and look up to a warning gaze. We’d been over this and I grinned as I wolfed down the slab of meat. _I know._ He snorted and returned to eating. _You will not say anything to me that you don’t absolutely mean._ I sighed and set the next slab back on the plate.

Solas paused in eating to look up at me concerned. “What is it, Vhenan?”

I shook myself and tried to smile only to get the same warning look he’d given me a dozen times.

_Don’t even try to say never mind._

I smiled at him then earnestly. “I still struggle with it. Years of conditioning doesn’t just go away.” He nodded and sat back slightly.

“I love the picture, Vhenan. I meant what I said, it is beautiful. I will cherish it.” I blinked back tears.

“You don’t-”

“Hush, Vhenan.” I looked up at him and his gaze warned me there was a reason for his interruption. “You need to eat.” He could always feel before I could when the magics would begin sparking and I would need my energy to manage them and I felt the familiar twinge. I smiled at him and returned to my food.

We’d already had the stupid little spat I’d started over him ‘only caring because it was his daughter’ and I’d never do that again. No, I knew better. He loved me. He would love his child, there was no doubt there, but he loved me, child or no. I nibbled down my meat for a while, just thinking. Love really did seem to find a way, despite the fact that I used to believe that that song was the biggest load of horse shit ever invented. But then, that was before I truly understood what love meant. I thought I did before, I thought I knew what it meant to love, but Solas had proven me wrong there too. I had no concept of love before I laid in his arms, before I truly knew the difference between a deep connection, a deep attraction and love. It really isn’t a concept that can be explained, so he hadn’t bothered. He did what Solas does, and showed me.

I grinned as I finished my food. Always, Solas was my first thought of the day and usually also my last. I chuckled as I turned and called my bath. He hated when I did that, as I didn’t use the Veil for it. I felt his anger a moment from it before I began stripping off my clothing. I needed a bath though, so I ignored his ire for a moment and stripped down before sliding into the water. I moaned into the release then. It would always amaze me how great a hot bath felt.

Solas scoffed. _Hot, indeed. The temperature coming off of that is high enough to melt skin off most._

_ And the temperature outside is quite comfortable to most._ He chuckled.

“Fair, I suppose. Just be careful.” I opened an eye to look over at him with a grin. He smiled at me and returned to his meal. I slithered around the tub a few minutes before I began scrubbing. I was gentler over my stomach and grinned to myself. I could feel the mild distention, but if one weren’t looking for it, it could easily be excused as belly fat. I heard the cloth rippling away as I came up from rinsing and sat watching as he finished dressing down. “You find my look that appealing?”

I smiled up at him. “Reverse our positions and re-ask your question.” He grinned.

“My daughter will be quite the tactician.” I grinned then too.

“Which reminds me, you still owe me a round of king’s gambit.” He stepped into the tub and pulled me to him to begin scrubbing me himself, as if I’d missed anything.

“I haven’t forgotten,” he said as he scrubbed down my shoulders. The dragon loved her wolf’s touch and he had me about purring for how great it felt.

_Only thing to make this feel better would be to have you buried in me._

“We can do that too,” he whispered beside my ear and dropped one hand between my legs.

“Ah. Solas.”

“What is it, Vhenan?” I leaned back against him then and let him have his wicked ways as I loved them so. I didn’t resist as he pressed from moan to needy scream and up. I loved his hands on me and this was the best way.

_“A deal is a deal, Athena,” Leo had said. I sighed again. “I got you the job with Master Kelly.” _

_ “I know, I know. And in exchange I have to learn to ‘club dance’,” though my tone and expression said what I thought of _that_, “and you will take me to a club when _you_ think I’m ready.”_

_ Leo sighed again and tipped my chin up so I’d look at him. “You need a _real_ man, Athena.” I rolled my eyes._

_ Not this again._

_ “He’s a character, a fictional character. He can’t love you, can’t hold you. He isn’t real.”_

_ “He’s real to _me_,” I stressed and he sighed again._

_ “Athena.”_

_ “Let’s just get back to the lesson.”_

_ Leo sighed, his expression sad for me. “Alright,” he straightened and pulled my shoulders back. “This time, arch more then pull high, like you’re trying to connect your rear and your head.”_

I chuckled as I watched the memory of Leo trying to teach me to ‘twerk’. Knowing what I did now, the salsa I’d danced with Solas would have been more effective.

“I thought you said you didn’t know how to dance.” I laughed then.

“That, style of dancing, would not be welcome in most of Thedas.”

“Why do you say that?” Solas asked beside me and I willed the memory to shift to the club.

_“What does that make now?” Leo shouted over the music to me. _

_ “Nine,” I shouted back. _

_ “Think maybe you should give the Jameson’s a break?”_

_ “I like even numbers.”_

_ “Nine isn’t even.”_

_ “You’re right, hit me again,” I called to the bartender and turned to Leo with a plastered grin. “Make it ten.” I shot that one back too and shook my head a minute past the burn in my throat. _

_ “Go dance,” Leo urged._

_ I scoffed. “There’s not a man out there worth my time, you know that. No woman either before you ask, _again_.” Leo looked so frustrated. _

_ “Then come dance with me. At least be my wingman out there.” I laughed._

_ “Fine.” I walked with him onto the floor and we danced for a few songs before I watched a few girls get interested. None would quite match, he’d been sure of that. He knew I was competitive. It was one of my flaws. Most girls that could dance in the clubs though were little more than hip-gyrators. He’d taught me parts belly dance to pull my body in different directions if it were fitting to the dance. I’d always had the rhythm. “I’m going for another drink.” I reached forward and grabbed the one girl and literally pulled her into him. “She’ll dance with you for now.” She smiled shyly up at him and I walked off laughing. I handed the bar tender enough to easily compensate and told her to hand me the bottle. A few guys tried to talk to me after and by the time I told the third to bite a curb, the bartender started getting involved. She apparently didn’t care for their tones. _

I felt Solas’ arm snake around my waist. Gods but he was putting off the heat of a furnace. “You may say it is not accepted in Thedas, but if you start dancing for me like that,” I felt him nibble my ear a moment before he whispered, “you’ll have a lot more than one.” My body heated in response to his touch.

“Duly noted,” I mumbled against the sensation.

“Though I can see how that might have caused a bit of a stir at the Winter Palace.” I chuckled then.

“More than a little.” I chuckled another moment before my ears keyed off and I ripped out of the Fade wide awake and still.

“Solas,” Adaar was whispering from the stairs. I sighed and lit the fire with my will, sitting up, holding the fur to my chest. He spun about to face the stairs. Solas came awake passing a hand over his face then sat up to look where I was looking.

“Inquisitor?”

“I, uh, the scouts are back.” He sounded excited and scared all at once.

“Please be more specific,” Solas began. “It is far too early to _guess_.”

“Right. We found him, we found where Coreypheus is heading.” Solas sat bolt upright then and I turned from them both.

_I had hoped for a little more time._

“Cullen is readying the troops to march. We head to the Arbor Wild. Coreypheus is headed for a temple there. The scouts weren’t very clear but apparently he thinks there is a source of power just as powerful as that Orb there.” I felt the tears line my cheek.

_There is indeed, but you won’t see it. Not in time._

“I, uh, I wanted to ask you to come with me.” He heaved a breath. “If anyone can safely navigate an ancient ruin, it’s you.” Solas sighed.

“What say you, ma vhenan? Do I go on this one?” I felt his hand touch the back of my shoulder and I crumpled forward in tears.

_Gods, I wish not._ I did not hear what was said next, I could not. My heart was screaming so loudly. I felt him turn me, pull me to him, but it was the echoing scream that I heard, not his words. _Solas!_ The desperate heart-sick scream that echoed through me so loudly every time as I watched the Orb shatter, as I watched what he had to do to regain that amount of power and I writhed against that pain, against his holding me to him. Pain, echoing pain through every nerve and I tried to pull away, tried to loose myself. And then Solas was over me, sitting on my stomach, holding my face saying…something. The screaming wouldn’t stop. I couldn’t pull the thoughts from my mind of watching him kneel there, broken and hurting and I could do _nothing_! My head lashed side to side even against his grip.

[[[“Do I go on this one?” Solas asked, praying she’d tell him no, tell him he was staying with her, but she did not hear his thoughts. He reached out and set a hand gently on her shoulder and she crumpled forward sobbing. “Aethien?” She bit down hard against the sobs, her teeth set tight together. Solas reached to her, pulled her up into his lap and began trying to ease her to talk to her. “Aethien. Vhenan, it’s alright. I don’t have to go. I can stay with you. Aethien?” Her heat was building quickly and Solas panicked, sitting her back into the bed to sit over her stomach and grasp her head, never mind the Inquisitor’s view of his naked body as he held her there. “Aethien! Love, you cannot shift. Aethien!” She did not respond and her thrashing was growing worse by the second, he leaned over, threw his tunic over his head, swung her across his chest and Fade-stepped them to the wall. _I can only hope the child’s barriers will keep you safe now_. In a moment, his foot hit wall and then he was up over it, only to slide down the arm that burst forward as the dragon, distraught in her pain screamed at the sky, echoing in the Unchanging World and the Fade alike. That echoing, ear-piercing, screeching scream of the dragon as her head whipped side to side and her body pressed low to the cool mountain below her.

He tried once to reach for the barrier they’d erected only to find her body completely inaccessible for him. He stared up at her in disbelief. Nothing should be that strong.

The dragon belted a second scream skywards and he heard it echo back to him, his name as if it were being ripped from within her.

_Athena!_]]]

My body felt so warm everywhere, but for a single moment, a different sound. I heard him call. I needed, needed to calm, to find him. _Solas!_

_Here, my heart! Down here!_ I looked about and my mind began gathering where I was. I lay beside Skyhold, my head swiveled. I did not see him, and my panic began to rise again until the blast of lightening skyward brought my attention down to him, the tiny figure standing before the great walls.

_Solas?_ The dragon whined a half-scream down at him, disbelief, and hope all at once.

_Here, My Heart. I’m here._ A momentary pause and I settled my head near him a moment and the memories began to take hold again. _You have to let the barriers down, Athena._

_ Ba-barriers? _

_ The child. I cannot check her. Your barriers are shielding everything. _My great paw reached back to lay over my stomach. I nodded lightly.

_She is fine. We are, better, in this form._ I could feel his relief. _Solas._

_Here, my heart. I’m here. I don’t have to go. I’ll stay._

_ You can’t._ I started settling. It was necessary, I knew it was necessary. _You can’t. _It felt hollow to admit it all the same._ You have to go. Abelas will destroy them otherwise. You have to go, to lead them through. They must reach the Vir’abelasan._ I ached but I fought it down, though every muscle screamed at me to belt release for it. _They must reach it, and you must be there to advise Adaar against it. There is no two ways about this one._ I straightened and felt my throat clench as a need to blast fire for my frustration was becoming overwhelming. _I will fly the army, I will fly you and the Inquisitor and Morrigan to the Arbor Wilds, and then I will return and wait for you. Morrigan’s mirror will respond and I’ll be waiting._ I felt the great tear run down my jaws. _Chapter 14 has begun_.

_ Then we are nearly at the end of the first book?_

_ There is only the Wilds, and then the battle left._ Quiet held for a moment.

_Will you be back?_ I turned my great head to meet eyes with him.

_I don’t know._

_Athena,_ It was a panicked response, _Athena, please. I can live without the Orb, I can live without any of it. Come home. Come back to me._

I felt the great tear fall again, rolling over scales to splatter on the ground._ I will try._

_Athena-_

_ I cannot promise. Do not ask, you promised you wouldn’t. _

I felt his pain echo back. _At least shift back for a moment. Let me hold you, once more._

_You know what that will do to my body. I have a lot of flying to do in the next twelve hours. Is it really wise to risk it?_

_ Please._ The plea was anything but a demand. Barely a whisper but echoed through me and I could not deny. I willed myself in, willed the dragon down and my pain became vicious tears streaming my face as I knelt. I didn’t have long to before he had me up in his arms kissing my neck and my ears and my face, pulling me as close as he dared. _Athena, Athena, my sweet Athena. Please._ He set me back and took my face in his hands, locking gazes with me. “You promise,”

“Solas.”

“Just try.” I met his teared gaze and I ached through my whole body. “Please, Vhenan, try, try to come home. The Orb isn’t worth your life.”

“Solas.”

“It’s not!” he shouted. “You are all that matters! Please. Athena, ma lath, please. Just come home to me.”

I burrowed up into his arms then, locking my arms behind his head, crying into his neck as he held me there. I couldn’t promise, I couldn’t do it. If there were a chance, any chance to keep the events from happening that way, I would take them. I knew I would. I would not think of my promise. I would take the option and bare the consequences happily to my grave. He would be safe. Mythal would be safe, the Orb would be safe.

_What about you?_

“Solas!”

The great dragon spoke through Cole as the Inquisitor brought his troops as instructed to the inner courtyard.

“I will take your troops to the Arbor Wilds and they will remain where I place them until you arrive.” Adaar nodded.

“Will you be joining us then?” he shouted up to me.

I shook my head. “I have my own task here.”

“What’s going to happen here?”

“You have your task, do not worry after mine.” He nodded again.

“Thank you.” The soldiers were assembled.

“Instruct them, I will wait.”

Solas a step behind Adaar looked horrible, face tear streaked and contorted as he looked away. For the best of his knowledge we may never see each other again and it was tearing at him.

I dare not reach out to him this time, I dare not try to comfort that. I would lie to him and I’d sworn never to. I wanted to ease him, to help him through this, but there was no way to honestly tell him what would or wouldn’t happen. _Forgive me, my love._ I reached out then as Adaar finished his orders and lifted nearly fifty soldiers in the grouping of my front paws and took to the sky. It was a brief flight at least, mostly downhill and easy enough to navigate. I made nearly fifty trips like that before midday. The whole of the army was placed there. Skyhold was emptied of all but maids and children. The last group was the Inquisitor and his companions and I ached for that one. My tears rolled off as we dropped down the mountain. I placed them safely on the ground, but I could not look, could not bring myself to see how badly he was hurting. I launched skyward on a shriek and beat my wings hard back up to Skyhold.

I landed and shifted back only to Fade jump. I would wait. I could not sleep for this one. It would not be long anyway. I would wait by the Eluvian in the gardens. I settled myself against the back of that door. A light knock came about fifteen minutes later.

“My lady dragon. Will you have breakfast this morning?” I opened the door only to shake my head. “Oh, dear. I’m sure they’ll be alright, my lady. They’ll be back soon, you’ll see.” I nodded and turned and closed the door. I stared off at the Eluvian for some time then. That was my sign, the last moment I would likely see Skyhold. I’d already shifted all of my things from the room below into the Crossroads chest, everything was tucked safely away. Only he could get it now.

_Solas, my love. Forgive me._ The Eluvian lit then and there was no more time for thought, my hands came forward as I pulled one after another way from the mirror, clearing way for the next. The moment all were within, I walked out.

_Athena._

_I’m sorry, my love. Forgive me._ My feet hit the garden and I roared skyward as I shifted.

_Athena!_ My wings beat and I was airborne. I knew what was coming, even before they heard the echoed shriek that only happened when a dragon’s roar was placed through red lyrium. _Athena!!!_

The dragon appeared, though before me he might as well have been a child. His mild magic deflected with ease as the remnants of the temple of Sacred ashes were ripped skyward by Coreypheus. _No time to play with you. _I set a dive for the dragon and he dodged, as I’d expected and the great tail lashed him to the ground. I landed on him, breaking my claws through him like so much putty, hearing Coreypheus scream in agony as I rendered his dragon into bits. I shifted then and began my walk to him. He threw magic after magic at me, and I deflected it all. He never saw what I was doing, what I was aiming for until he brought it forward.

The Orb glowing vibrant red in his hand. I heard Solas then, “Adaar! No!” I did not think. Perhaps I should have but I didn’t. I felt only for the Orb, where it was being pulled to and landed a dropkick to Adaar’s jaw just as the Orb reached, slamming into my stomach. My body lurched around it despite my best efforts, ripping and screaming pain through me in electric volts before I could get my arms around. I tried to think barrier, and the moment the barrier was up…

I stood in the Fade, the barrier holding the Orb above me. Wisdom was there, smiling sadly at me as I felt my body still lurch against the remnant lightning.

[[[“No,” It was barely a whisper that escaped Solas then. Coreypheus’ attempt to flee left him pinned to the ground by Sera’s arrows.

“If yer gonna call yerself a god, perhaps wear shit that dunnit get stuck so easy.”

Dorian threw a rune at the ground holding Coreypheus there and Vivienne reinforced it, but Solas was in pain, so much pain as he dragged his staff forward and tossed it to the ground. All eyes shifted then, even Coreypheus’ shifted then, and his went wide in horror as Solas set his hands before chest. His fingers tightened into claws, eyes baring to the center of his hands and he began whispering to the ball forming in front of him. Sera dove behind Cassandra, whose shield was placed against the light of the ball in Solas’ hands.

“What are you doing?!” Cullen demanded behind him but Cullen’s words might as well have been in another language as Solas continued. Coreypheus tried to move then, to escape and he fought the runes hard, but Dorian and Vivienne were frightened enough of Solas at the moment to pour all their fear into holding those runes. The ball grew brighter, barely larger than a basketball, but brighter even than the sun.

He continued for another moment before he hurled it at Coreypheus and the others got to see why Coreypheus panicked. It didn’t annihilate him, immediately. It encased him first, locking him within and then burning hotter in on itself as it shrunk and then ultimately it imploded, knocking all there to the ground and away a dozen or more meters. _Come back from that_. He looked up then, over, where she’d disappeared, and all that strength, was gone. He crumpled to the ground, a fetal ball of tears and sobs. None touched him, none dared draw near, let alone attempt to comfort the elf, whose mate had given their life to save the Inquisitor.

They each left, slowly walking around him. The last to leave, to walk down those massive stairs, was Adaar. He stopped by Solas. “I’m so sorry.” Solas could not respond for the pain, the sobs that tore through him. He watched the last set of boots leave. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered anymore. _Athena. Athena!_

_ She’s not dead, you great pup!_ Wisdom’s words echoed through him, smacking against his ribs like a kick against his straining sobs.

_How?_

_ If you want her back, come get her. We can’t hold her forever._

The next moment he was in the Fade and willed with all he had to find her, willed the Fade itself to bring him to her.

And there she stood, suspended in shimmering powers not her own, the Orb floating above her. He looked about her. Twelve spirits, each with a hand extended to her; twelve friends of his or hers, names he knew and loved.

“Hurry,” Wisdom urged. He was swift then to call it to him, wrapping it as he always had in barrier energies above him and then it was from his mind. Twelve spirits collapsed to their knees, but it wasn’t them he rushed to, but the limp form of the elf-form dragon he loved so. He touched her face gently and pulled her into his lap. He looked about silent, finding Wisdom’s face. He wanted to ask but his mouth wouldn’t move.

Wisdom chuckled. “I’ll show you.”

The fade around them shifted, and he saw Athena ripped into the Fade. Wisdom had been waiting.

_“You would risk all, simply to give him a moment of happiness?” _

_ “I would risk all for a single smile.” She shivered against the convulsions. “Please,” she begged, “make sure only _he_ gets the Orb.”_

_ Wisdom smiled sadly at her. “We will make sure, but we are all interested in seeing him happy.” Eleven more forms stepped out of the Fade to her then, each smiling at her. “Let us help.”_

_ The first stepped to her and Athena nearly stepped back for the power she felt shimmering off the new one’s presence. “I am Knowledge. I am his friend. I lend you my strength.” Her boney fingers extended and the brilliant yellow light flashed through her to hold the Orb above._

_ Cole stepped up then. “I am Compassion. I am your friend. I will help.” He reached out and his brilliant blue energy surrounded her, easing her body’s convulsions. _

_ Each of the others stepped in as well, each announcing her friend or his and each lent strength to hold her alive or hold the Orb in place until he could get there._

His tears fell then as he looked about. “Thank you, my friends.” All acknowledged in their way and left, save Wisdom. He looked up at her then and she knelt before him, stroking the girl’s hair back out of her face. She looked very sad. “What is it?”

Wisdom met his eyes, then lifted his hand and placed it on her stomach and he lurched. For a moment he feared he might actually vomit. The barriers, the magic, the energy of the little child within…gone. He met Wisdom’s gaze wide-eyed.

“Then,” he began and she nodded. He pulled Athena’s limp form up against him and kissed into her hair. “She will live?”

“She will,” Wisdom acknowledged. “Your energy, the energy of the child shielded her long enough to pull her here, but there was nothing we could do for the child then. The Orb had shredded both barrier and developing child before she could put your barrier around it.”

Solas squeezed his eyes shut. _She will be distraught._

“Yes,” Wisdom stated. “It is a common reaction to a mother that loses the child before birth. She will be even more temperamental as the hormones in her system return to normal. She will likely seek release from the pain in whatever way she can.” Solas’ eyes came wide open then. “It is possible, but that is why you must remain with her. She has given you a head start and then some. You have the time, but you must _not _leave her side, not at least for the next year.” Solas’ gaze met hers. “I would not advise it.” He sighed. “She may even request it, but it would go against everything I am. Her body _might_ handle a new child. Her mind, won’t.” He nodded. He could keep himself from that and control his own body. For her sake, he would abstain if necessary. “Also unadvisable.” He looked at her curiously. “If you want to make her feel like that was the only reason you ever wanted her, then go for it.” He blushed hard. “You are in shock, not stupid.” He nodded.

_I love her. The fact that she lives is a blessing from those that love me._

“And her,” Wisdom added. “Compassion and Hope might not have come if it were only for you.” He smiled. “No you haven’t, but there is time to amend that. Later.” He met her gaze again. “You must stay with her, wolf. Under no circumstances does she leave your side, not for a moment.”

“What,” he began.

“She’ll die. Her will to draw breath will dissipate like so much mist in the sun and it will stop.” He heaved in the shallow breaths after he shook of the feeling of being kicked in the gut. Wisdom took his face in her hands and the grey gaze met his. “You are her will to live right now. Without you, she won’t.” He nodded and felt his eyes mist. “None of that now. Your mate lives and you will need to find her somewhere safe, somewhere the two of you can hide for a little while. A challenge, considering what she did echoed through the Fade.”

His eyes went wide. “They know?”

“They know something powerful has access to the Fade now, something greater than perhaps any of them.” She grinned. “I feel better knowing she calls me friend.” He smiled lightly.

“Thank you, my friend. You have always been true to me.” She smiled and rose.

“Forreh should be informed.” Solas’ face dropped.

_Many will feel the loss._

“Indeed, but at least in _that _one’s case, he has loved you far too long to believe it the end of attempts.” Solas smiled sadly. “I will tell him, myself.”

“Thank you.” He rose, stringing her limp body across his chest. _Wisdom says she’ll live, she’ll live. Don’t think on it._ “I will take her away, better if none know where.” Wisdom nodded.

“Seek me out, when and if you need.”

“Thank you, my friend.” Solas smiled at her and she left. He could not look down, could not look at the pale face of his cool lover. He needed to think. A safe place, and then it hit him and he smiled lightly down at her. The one place in the world they would never go, let alone search. _I will enjoy showing it to you, my Heart._

And then, they were gone. 

Adaar sent troops back to search, but there was no sign of Solas, the girl, or the Orb. All were gone. Leliana theorized that he may have used a similar magic on himself after such a horrid loss. Adaar felt horrible. He should have bodily dragged the man back, held him down and protected him from that fate. He owed her at least that much.

He sighed and pushed the ale away. He had no appetite. This enormous dinner Josephine had put together and he couldn’t enjoy it. He looked out over all the tables laden to bursting almost with food. Several others were happy at least. Best not to disturb them with his thoughts. He rose, stealthy as ever and left, sneaking up to his room, only to hear the door behind him open and close again as he entered. He looked back. Cassandra said nothing, merely stepped to him and hugged him.

He swallowed hard. “I, I would not have you see me this way.” She smiled and hugged him closer.

“They are tears, Adaar. It is not a sin.” He clung to his honey-eyed goddess then and lost it. His guide and his friend, gone in a single evening, it was painful. He had never considered what might happen to one if the other passed, but now he knew, and he wept for the loss. Cassandra held him there, knowing he had come away to hide his pain away, but he had offered her something priceless and she would not give less than her best in return. She held him until it abated and he stood wiping tears lines from his face.

“I’m sorry,” he choked out. “I never meant.”

“Oh, hush,” she half –growled and walked to the balcony. “You did all you could. You had someone who was loyal, and they gave their lives for yours. It was her right to choose.” He nodded and stepped up beside her.

“Is there a Seeker cure to make it hurt less?” She smiled and then turned to look up at him.

“No.” He smirked.

He looked down at the woman he’d wanted for months and almost lost it again. _Her last good act, to bring me to her._ Cassandra read his expression and nodded, blinking back her own tears.

“We will miss her and Solas both.” He nodded. He didn’t trust himself to speak. He merely wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly. “I’m glad you made it through as well.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case I missed any translations within the last 21 Chapters, this is the complete list of all of the Falling Part 1 Translations
> 
> Vhenan= heart, my heart   
Din’anshiral= The path of death  
Etunash= shit, bullshit   
Sathan= Please  
Ahnsul ma'vara= Why did you leave   
ma Lath= my love  
lin’or Ma Vhenan= blood of my heart   
Ar lath= I love you  
Tel uth te enfenim mah sal= Don’t every scare me like that again.   
Ir abelas= I’m sorry  
Ar te’elan ma’laima= I cannot lose you   
Ithas fra em= Look at me  
Gaelathe Etunash= utter bullshit, complete crap   
Te’ma= Not you  
Tarasyl'an Te'las= The Place where the Sky was Held back.   
Atishan= Easy, be at peace  
Ar nuvenan ma sul bellanaris= I want you for eternity.   
Ahnsul ma numinas= Why do you cry  
Esayan Mythal Enansal= I seek the blessing/gift of Mythal   
Sulahn sul em= Sing for me  
Judirtha’I’em= Will you speak with me?   
Ina'lan'ehn= Beautiful  
Ar’an ama= We protect each other.   
Na’tundral= gently  
Dirtha’vhen’an ma eolas or= I promised you knowledge of   
Ara seranna ma= Excuse me


End file.
